свобода

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Jack!

I can hear her calling my name. She did it all the time, throughout the past hours. Scream my name. Shout at them to stop.
Whenever I could, I shouted back, at her, to stop it. She shouldn't care about me. She shouldn't feel obliged to talk, just to save me or spare me some suffering. Doesn't she know that she can't save me anyway? They'll be mistreating me one way or the other. And if not the Chinese, then the Russian guards will find another willing payer who'll take their place torturing me.

But I couldn't tell her all that. In the few seconds that I had, between their electrocutions and the burns, I only told her that I was okay. That she shouldn't care about me because I was okay with this.

What a lie. I was not okay. I was far from being okay.
And she knew that, too. She heard the screams, that I desperately tried to bite back. She heard me groan, even though I tried everything to stay silent.

I just couldn't. I can't stay silent when they push a red-hot glowing metal bar onto my skin. I had to let the pain out, screaming.
The smell was awful. It was the worst of all: it smelt like broiling, like barbecue, like meat. But knowing that this was my flesh, burning, made me almost throw up.

She got sick when she smelt it. Can't blame her for that.
She should have never experienced such a thing, but she did. She had to watch me suffer, for hours. I didn't count the number of burns, but my whole front is covered with aching red and black stripes, second and third degree burns. There are even some on my back. I had hoped that they'd leave out one side for me to sleep on, but they're evenly distributed. That will hurt.
When I could take no more, fainting again and again after each more burn, they gave me some more heroin. It all turned into a blur, then. I can hardly remember a thing. Probably I hung in the chains, groaning and crying, while they continued to work on me, electrocuting me this time.

Everything hurts.

Jack!

I can her her call my name again. She's rattling my shoulders. Wake up!

I don't wanna open my eyes. But it's she, asking me to do it. I can hardly turn her down. I feel like I'm taken ten years into the past. Some days, I just didn't open up my eyes, even though they were trying to wake me up again to give me some more. I played dead.
And I don't wanna open my eyes now. They're here for sure, if Audrey is also here. Opening my eyes will just mean that there will be more pain.

Jack, please... I hear her pleading. Fuck the pain. It's worth it, seeing her.

Reluctantly I open up my eyes.
She's here, she's right here with me, leaning over me. I guess I'm too spellbound to say anything. Even though I only have eyes for her, I try to look around a little. There are no guards. Where the hell are we?

Jack, can you get up?, she asks me.

Will be hard. But it should work. I nod as an answer and then she already takes my hand, helping me sit up. A wave of nausea comes over me. That simple move hurts so much.
I already want to ask her where we are, but the question answers itself when I look around. Torture must have already been over for some time now. This is my cell. She's in here with me. And the door is open!

Audrey must have seen how confused I am about all this. She wordlessly shows me the key in her hands. But that doesn't any more questions in my head than it produces.
Is she really here?
It this really her?
Why is she here with me in my cell now?
Why is the door wide open?

Jack, can you stand up?, she worriedly asks, Can you walk?

I reach out for one of the metal bars and pull myself up. Its hard work. But the open door... and Audrey... they're the best motivation I could possibly get.

Audrey, I say.

She worriedly looks at me, coming back over, real close.

I'm at a loss for words. What should I say or ask her? Ask her if she was alive? I guess she proved that well enough during the past hours. They asked her details that only a White House member could answer. And she did it. For me.

Here, she says, and hangs a jacket around my still naked shoulders. It's one of the guards', I remember. How did she get it?

I want to say something, like - where are we going? - but that question would really sound stupid now. She wants us to leave. She somehow got the keys and she wants us to try. She is doing exactly what I would have done ten years ago, had I known that we were in this together.
Where did you get the keys from? I finally ask.

Her motivated view turns into a sad glance for a moment. Don't even ask, she whispers as an answer and nods into the direction of the hallway.

Don't even ask. That says a lot. I'm afraid to think about the things that she possibly did to get a hold of that key to our cells.

It's the anger that I get that makes me go, the two steps over to the open door, holding on to the metal bars.

There's the doorstep. The first step on my way into freedom. But we're in the middle of a Chinese military compound. We're unarmed. I'm hurt. Audrey looks like she's okay, but that can only be true superficially. She's also been locked up for months. We're not in the shape to run and fight our ways through. What if we get out? How shall we survive out here in the middle of nowhere, with no place to go? This is such a bad idea to run.

Audrey, I say, holding her back, as she already wants to tear me out into the hallway.

She comes back, grabs me by my upper arms to straighten me up. Jack, this is our chance!, she says, trying to tear me along. Isn't that what you're here for?

I weakly shake my head. It's not. This way we're just gonna get ourselves killed.

What about backup?, she asks.

Silence. Why is she expecting backup?
Slowly I'm beginning to realize. She thinks I've come here to get her out. She still believes I have backup somewhere, or a plan. I have neither.

There is no backup, I finally tell her. Just us.

This time I have to catch her, because it looks like her knees are giving in. I close the little space in between us and whisper into her ear, it's just you and me here. We're most likely somewhere in northwestern China.

What I told her shocked her. She's suddenly frozen stiff. I reach over and close the door to the cell again from the inside, in case someone looks into the corridor. Then I lead her away from this side of the cell, over to the darkest corner, where I usually sit.

I don't know where to start this conversation. It's so hard to acknowledge the fact that she's really here. All I want is to take her into my arms, but she doesn't look like she wants that. After all, I don't know what the guards already did to her.

One of us has to start talking. It's not gonna be me, because I'm out of words to say. She looks so changed. Her hair is disheveled and she wears dirty old prison clothes. She looks worried, and different than the picture of her that I remember.
Are you okay, Audrey?, god, I'm stammering. Did they hurt you? I'm so glad to see her shake her head. Her eyes leave mine and she starts sizing me up. Hesitatingly, she takes the seam of the jacket that hangs around my shoulders and pulls it a little bit aside to look at the burns on my skin. And you?

I'm okay.
It's a big lie. I am far from being okay. It's only the adrenaline, caused by seeing her again, that keeps me up on my feet.

I couldn't stop them, she whispers, close to tears, as she watches the burns.

It's okay. You don't have to stop them, I answer. You know, they're just doing this to make you feel bad. To make you feel obliged to talk to them, but you're not. You don't have to say anything. I can handle this.

She shakes her head vehemently, saying they're gonna kill you, if I don't.

She doesn't know what I know.
I look around, I listen into the silence to hear if anyone is close. One of the guards could come along any minute now.

There's no-one.

I tell Audrey to crouch down and then I do the same. I have to tell her why I'm not afraid of being killed by the Chinese.

They're not gonna kill me, I begin, they don't even have the authority to do that. The Russians sentenced me to life, and they want me back, very soon - in one piece. They only brought me here for a short while and now I know why. To make her talk. That was worth the money which they paid to these corrupt Russian guards.

Russians?, she asks.

Long story. I have to cut it short somehow. They captured me in London... I've been locked up just as long as you have. I can't help but let out a sad sigh. Tiredly I lean against the wall next to me. Am I disillusioning her? Most likely, yes.
The tiredness comes back.

Her sad view tells me everything. She thought I had come here to get her out. She doesn't even know that the Americans are not looking for her - they buried her. I can't tell her that. She won't survive another day in here, knowing that, because she only lives through the day, hoping that they'll search for her, find her and get her out.

We have to try to get out of here, Jack, she implores me, laying both her hands on my shoulders. This is the only chance we'll get.

I never thought of escaping. Not in Russia, not in Sengala, and not here. I had no reason to, and no power.

But now, there is a reason, for the first time at all! Wake up, you idiot! She has the key to your cell in her hands! She risked everything to get you this chance! You don't have to suffer in prison for the rest of your life! Take this chance and run, damnit!

Jack!, she keeps imploring me. We have to run! Now!

Why am I suddenly afraid of leaving? Because it could get me killed? No. Because it could get her killed? They wouldn't kill such a valuable source of information.

We have to think this through, Audrey, I say, to buy some time. Every twenty minutes, there's a patrol here,... I don't know when the last one was. But I know that we won't get very far if we don't think this through. We have to wait for the guard, and neutralize him to buy time.

The longer I think this through, the more I realize that we have no chance at all. We will never make it out of this building. We will never make it off this complex. We have nothing, no car, no money, no weapons, no backup. As soon as they find out we're gone they'll hunt us down. There is no chance.

Jack!, she rattles my shoulders again.

I don't even know where we are. We could be in the middle of the Gobi desert or some other hostile area.
I have given up long ago. Will a look into her eyes get me up again?

She's so full of hope.
I have to do this for her. Even if it's hopeless.

At the end of the corridor, the door gets opened up. The guard is coming for his usual patrol.

There is no turning back now. There never was.
She already made the decision.

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