Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I just don't. TW: talking about panic attacks.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Some kind of 1980's electronic music is playing, I think. It sounds like Dib is softly singing along as the car twists and turns down whatever road he's driving on. God, I feel exhausted. I can't remember… the army… someone holding me.
Someone's holding me. My eyes snap open as the memory of my panic attack floods back to me. I hurt Zim! I can remember that… oh god. I suck in a deep breath, ready to fling myself up and apologize. That's new, feeling the need to say sorry.
A hand strokes my hair as my muscles tense, and Zim speaks.
"It is alright, Gaz." He murmurs, making the hair on my neck stand on end. Before I can say anything, Dib buts in.
"She's awake? Gaz, how are you feeling?" I can't see it from my position -my head is on Zim's lap oh my god- but I'm sure that he's tilted the rearview mirror for the optimal view to check on me. He's a bit overprotective like that.
"I'm okay, Dib, I'm fine-" Gir rockets out of his seat as I attempt to sit up, barreling into my chest.
"Pretty lady is alive!" His voice pierces my eardrums. Zim growls with disdain, and one of his metal legs emerges and moves gir to the other side of the car, all the while Gir comically tries to run back towards me. His leg holds Gir at bay, and I feel Zim's hands move under my shoulders to help me sit up.
"Thanks." The second I'm sitting I can feel the headache I didn't realize was there. Gir's screeching and wailing is only making things worse, so I resolve myself to my fate. "It's okay Zim, you can let him go."
Dib whines. "Could you not let him go?" Zim ignores him, retracting his pak leg. Gir launches himself into my lap, nudging me back a few inches towards Zim again.
"Pretty lady you were dead! I'm glad you're not dead no more!" The blue light closes in what looks like sadness, his metallic voice squeezing and whining more like a throat tightening. "I would be so sad if you were dead!"
"Are you sure you're okay Gaz?" Dib questions. "You were under a lot of stress there and I want to make sure that you're recovering alright." Gir looks to be on the verge of fake tears so I tend to him instead of my whiny brother, who knows full well that I'm fine.
"Gir, I wasn't dead. Just sleeping. You know sleeping? Zim sleeps, I sleep, even you sleep sometimes. You know that." The blue lights in his eyes flicker like blinking, and move upwards in a happy expression.
"Okay!" He chirps, turning and scrambling back to the front seat to annoy Dib. "She is not dead! She was jus' sleeping! Did you know that I sleep? That's what she says… What's sleep? Is it fun? I wanna eat…" Gir fades into the background of my mind as Zim's hand gently touches my shoulder. Turning, his red eyes stare into mine. He looks concerned, his brow furrowed.
"Gaz, are you okay? What…. Was that?" Oh God… explaining panic attacks was not on my to-do list.
"I-Zim, do you remember that night when you had a bad dream? A, um, meejetchee?" He blinks, chuckles, and then corrects me.
"What night?" Dib asks. Zim glances towards him then returns his gaze to mine. He looks tired, he face sagging as he speaks.
"Mijetaícheí. Yes, I remember."`
"Hey, what night?" Dib raises his voice to be hear over Gir's question after question, which are now about where popcorn comes from.
"Okay, well, do you remember when you were… sad? And you couldn't breathe?" I want to tread lightly here, knowing that Dib can hear every word I say.
His eyes harden and he looks away from me. "Yes."
"Well, on Earth we would call that a panic attack. It's kind of like when, when your emotions are too much to handle, and too much is happening. Your body will have a reaction to that."
"It is veítwa'ux." He growls.
"What?" Zim stares out the window, and mutters to himself.
"Kaí kho ú veítwa."
"Gir, what's he saying?" Dib sighs in relief when Gir stops chattering at him to turn to me.
"Ooooooo he saying that he's not a weak!" A short burst of giggles, and then he quickly quiets and stares at me. "I don't know what that means."
"You're not weak Zim." I say, turning back to him. Gently. I reach out a hand to his shoulder for comfort. "A panic attack is not a sign of weakness."
"Yeah," Dib snorts. "The guy single handedly stopped an army. Not exactly weak."
"On Irk, it is." Zim says, ignoring Dib. I pull away from him in anger.
"Well, you're not on Irk, are you? And even if you were, are you calling me weak?" His antennae flatten against his head in shame.
"No, I do not think you are weak." He whispers.
"Hey, uh," Dib interrupts. "Is Irk what your planet is called?" Zim narrows his eyes and scowls.
"Yes." Dib smiles, seemingly glad he finally got a response from Zim.
"Cool, I guess that makes sense if the language is called Irkless or Irktensee or something… Wish I wrote that down. Where is the planet?"
"Far away." He mutters.
"Um, that's not exactly an answer but whatever. When did you get here? Actually, better question, why are you here? Oh, what happened to you? I mean, no offense, but that scar on your neck looks kinda bad." Oh god, dib is rambling now. He always says the dumbest stuff when he's not focused on what he's saying. "Where did you get the gun?"
"That is not for you to know." Zim snaps.
"Hey, no need to be snippy, I mean, after all we did for you, you could at least answer a few questions."
"Úshúj kaí?" Excuse me? Dib, like an idiot, continues.
"In fact, because of you, we almost died! My sister almost died!" Zim full on growls, his antennae flat against his skull.
"I do not want that, and it is not my fault your baby human army want me to die."
"Yeah, sure I can agree with that, but who knows maybe those guys are right to be suspicious of you."
"Dib." I use my warning tone, but that only makes him tighten his grip on the steering wheel.
"Come on Gaz! Think, he has a gun! And bombs! That is not exactly 'I'm friendly please take me to you leader.' He's dangerous, Gaz." In my peripheral I can see Zim's anger deflate into sadness. His worst fear is being dangerous.
"It's not his fault, Dib. I think he's a soldier or something."
"What, that makes it better? That just means he's trained at being dangerous!"
"You don't know what you're talking about…"
"God, Gaz! You always say that! Open your eyes and look, really look! Because of him, we could've died today. I can't - I can't lose you Gaz." I can feel my chest tightening again.
"I will not hurt her." Zim grinds out, his teeth clenched together.
"Even if I believed that, which I don't know if I do, your presence alone will hurt her. So I'm gonna ask you to leave." Dib says, pulling the car off to the side of the back road we were driving along.
"What? Dib you can't do that."
"Gaz, he's gonna get us killed."
"You don't know that." I need to breathe. Dib takes off his seatbelt, gets out of the car, and opens Zim's door.
"Get out of the car." Zim glances at him with disdain.
"No."
"Zim, get the hell out of the car. We helped you this far, but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure my sister isn't murdered by the army." His next words are whispered so quietly I can barely hear them, as if it's just a reassurance to himself.
"I will not leave her."
"Come on." Dib says, leans in, and makes a huge mistake. He grabs Zim's arm and pulls, in an attempt to pull him out of the car. Zim's antennae snap upward, and he whips his head to look at Dib. In the same instant he hoists himself out of the car, his spider legs springing out from his pak, lifting him off the ground. Another leg pushes Dib to the ground, forcing him to let go of Zim's arm.
"Ah!" Dib shouts in surprise when he hits the ground. He rolls on his side and scrambles to his feet as Zim's legs slowly return him to the ground. I know I should do something, but it feels like my brain is functioning in slow motion, and I can just observe.
"Do not touch me, you dirt human." Zim hisses.
"I'll do what I like as the - as the defender of Earth!" Dib yells, pointing a finger at Zim. Zim's antenna lay flat against his head like an angry cat, and he moves a foot back in a defensive stance. Holy shit they're gonna fight. I realize with a start that Dib will not win that fight. Suddenly feeling control over my body, I scramble to get out of the car.
"You can not even be defender of you." Zim chuckles.
"Wanna bet?"
"Stop it!" I yell, running to stand in between them. "Cut it out, idiots! You!" I turn to Zim. "Get back in the car! Anyone driving by will see you! What's the matter with you, picking a fight with him? That moron is my brother!"
"Yeah! Tell him Gaz! Wait-I'm not a moron!" Zim's antenna twitches with his annoyance at Dib's voice, but he has the good sense to at least look admonished. He opens his mouth to say something, but I turn my attention to Dib.
"And you! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Did you somehow forget that part about 'trained soldier?' The only soldier you could beat in a fight is a two inch plastic one! Now both of you, get back in the car!" God I feel like I suddenly have kids.
"Khú fiptaz aokhao." Zim grumbles as he steps back into the car.
"I heard that!" I yell at Zim as he shuts the door.
"Gaz…"
"Don't start Dib! You're mad at him for putting us in danger? This little stunt could've gotten us all killed!" I can feel my throat tightening as the weight of the situation gets to me. "You could've gotten him killed. From now on, we need to work together. I mean, what did you think was going to happen if he left? That we could go back to our lives?" I take a deep breath to maintain my composure. "The army knows who we are. Our lives are gone, Dib. So get back in the car so we can figure out what to do next."
Dib huffs, adjusts his glasses, and walks back to the car. I take a moment, to stand outside and breathe the fresh air, calm myself down. Trying not to think that everything I once had is gone forever. My whole life, everything I worked for, is gone. What I have now is a completely different, new and uncertain life. The world is still spinning, the birds are still singing, and I am still here. And I'm not alone, I have Dib, and Zim…
"Gaz!" Dib yells. "Come on! We should go, you know, like you said?" I walk back to the car, and take my seat in the back with Zim.
"Don't you want to sit in the front?" Dib frowns.
"Nah, I'm good back here. Besides, you have Gir to keep you company, whiner." Gir is currently trying to shove a CD in his non-existent mouth, in an attempt to eat it, I think it.
"I'm sorry." Zim says, quietly.
"It's okay Zim… it was his fault anyway."
"It was not!"
"Shut up Dib." He mumbles something under his breath as he goes to start the car. "Actually, Dib, where are we? Where are you driving us?"
"Oh, well he says he needs a hologram, so I figured dad would have one, so we're going to dad's lab."
"And what, are you driving straight to LA, right now?"
"Yep! We should be there in a few days if we-"
"Idiot."
"Huh? How does that make me an idiot? I'm trying to get something to disguise the alien! So then he can go take over the world, I guess."
"You're an idiot because the army knows who we are! They'll guess that we're going to our dad's because he's our dad! Where are we right now?" In the rear view mirror I can see him smile sheepishly.
"…Near the Ohio border… headed to Aunt Lori's to stay the night…" Zim rolls his eyes, and I'm pretty sure he didn't even understand half of those words.
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure Aunt Lori is gonna be chill with a six foot tall stick insect and his malfunctioning robot. I'm also sure that the army is probably already waiting at Lori's!" Zim leans forward, taps Gir on the top of his head, and speaks quickly in Irken.
"Gir, ngaí'e bursa chin daov ret'e z̀eíngi, eg'oích daov oím ao z̀eír z̀eíngi. Eg'oích daov kath ka tú chuch letsaoaí, to ulchini z̀eín tú'e sheth." Gir's eyes flash red, and he turns to Dib.
"Lesi says that we need to act like an army! We need to… to… disappear and avoid them! Knock them off our trail! He also called you an idiot."
"Hey!"
"Dib, Zim's right, although, Zim, do try to play nice. We need to go somewhere the army doesn't expect us to. Like… we're near Ohio, right?"
"Yeah?"
"Why don't we go south? Spend a few weeks camping somewhere, I don't know. Something to make them think we're not going to dad's. Obviously we have to eventually, but it's all about the trick of the thing."
"Of course! God I can't believe I was going to go straight to Aunt Lori's." Dib says, smacking his hand to his face.
"I can." Zim mumbles.
"This isn't about you, alien." I tap my fingers against the seat in frustration at their childishness.
"Quit bickering, and let's go. Oh, Dib, can I see your phone?" His eyes open in surprise, but he grabs his phone off the dashboard and hands it to me.
"Here." He says as he starts the car.
"I'll put in some directions for alabama or something, just start driving." I wait a few seconds until he gets to a decent speed, and then discreetly drop both our phones out the window. Moving my hands behind the seat, I pretend to fiddle with a phone so Dib doesn't get suspicious. Although, it's only a matter of time until-
"Hey Gaz? Can I have my phone back?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"She make the phone go." Zim smirks.
"What? What? Gaz what does that mean?"
"It means I threw our phones out the window so the army couldn't trace us. Now turn left and go south, will you?"
"But I already made my phone invisible! What the hell, Gaz!"
"That's what you think, but I could always track you easily. Now shut up Dib and drive the damn car."