Own Invader Zim, I do not. TW: talking about panic attacks
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We lost them. Two college kids somehow got away with the number one wanted creature in all of America, and all we have to prove that they were once here, is two cell phones recovered near Ohio, and the painting of the Occupant left at the apartment.
I told the men that I wanted to be the one to hand carry it to the general, for fear of it being damaged, and while that was partly true, the real reason is I wanted to look at it. It's not like I need to know what the Occupant looks like, we caught him on a dozen different cameras, it's just that the painting seems to portray him in a different light. I know that from any of these soldiers perspectives, they saw a monster today. A freak of nature, firing weapons on innocent human beings, and I understand that perspective. I do. It's just… this painting makes me want to think about that idea more, reflect on it, merely because that girl took the time to paint it. The Occupant lived in that house for more than a week and he didn't kill her, and was somehow convinced to sit still for a portrait. It doesn't add up.
"Sir? You have a phone call." George, one of the few responsible privates, in my opinion, startles me out of my thoughts to hand me the phone.
"Thank you, George. Hello?" He nods.
"Hello, Major! I just finished looking over the security footage… and my, my, am I interested!" The smooth and unassuming voice of Doctor Norton slithered through the phone. Somehow he makes everything he says sound like a threat, even though his tone always stays friendly.
"I'm sure you are, Doctor." He chuckles, and I mentally prepare myself for what's to come next.
"Well, tell me what you saw? I must say, the green skin is interesting. Do you think the creature produces chlorophyll? I'm excited to get my hands on a skin sample and find out."
"Doctor, I saw pretty much the same thing you saw in the footage. The Occupant ran, and attacked our forces."
"Yes, yes, I know about that, tell me about the creature! Mannerisms or things he said. Any detail that those shoddy cameras might have missed."
"Uh…" I look down at the painting in my hand. "He had scars. On his face. I-I'm sorry Doc, I don't think I can give you anything else." Silence on the other end.
"Well, that means I'll be able to get a scar tissue sample instead of having to make some. Although too many scars could prove difficult in surgery. I suppose that doesn't matter though, does it?" I can hear him smile through the phone. It sends a shudder down my spine.
"I guess not, Doctor."
"Well, just let me know when you catch that thing, that shall be a good day indeed!" I don't bother saying goodbye. I don't want to have to communicate with him any more than I already have to. I hang up the phone, and find myself gazing at the picture again. The student, Gaz, painted this. Almost with care for the occupant. As if-
Ugh, why am I even thinking like this? An alien with obvious weapons and training has landed on Earth, it's a clear national threat. We need to catch him, and neutralize him. Immediately.
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Gaz's filthy brother is the most irritating individual I've ever had the displeasure of interacting with. Non-stop questions and comments and eye-rolls. It's like a smeet is driving us. Actually, this Dib is like the brash new recruits at the academy. Never knows when to shut up, and thinks they know everything when they've barely had any training. In short, an arrogant, annoying, idiot.
The only good thing he's done so far is driven us safely. It's been a few hours now, and Gaz has told me we passed into an area known as 'Wehst Verghenia.' Something like that, anyway. The sun is setting now, and I know we need to set up camp soon, and we have no supplies to do so. We need food, shelter, and a plan. This "army" seems to be dangerous, and I can't let-I won't let anything happen to… Gaz. Those idiots were firing their primitive guns with little discipline, any one of us could have died today. We need to be more careful.
"Zim?" Her voice is soft whenever she speaks to me, and a part of me hurts because I know she's just trying to avoid another one of my embarrassing reactions.
"Yes?" This language feels so odd and clunky on my tongue. It's the first time I've ever had to learn a language without the aid of pak download, and it's difficult, at best.
"I'm going to go get us some food, and some makeup for you. Try not to fight Dib, okay?" I can only ever understand half of what Gaz says, so I make a mental note to ask Gir about what makeup is. Maybe a weapon of sorts? Dib mentioned it earlier as well.
"Can I have some pixie sticks?" I ask. The sweets on this planet are delicious, I must admit, but I'm beginning to notice the sugar here is not as strong as on Irk. She smiles slightly at my request and nods her head.
"Sure Zim, I'll get you some pixie sticks." Sounds like a yes to me. Gir turns around towards the back of the car and waves frantically to get our attention. He's never hard to miss.
"Can I come with you?" His speakers weren't damaged in the crash, but his normal voice is so much higher and disjointed now. I'm quite disappointed in myself at my ill attempt to fix him, but here's hoping that I can get what I need at Gaz's father's home.
"No Gir." It is nice to be able to speak in Irketsi, though. To be understood. "Gaz is going to get us food, and weapons I think, and you don't exactly blend in."
"But Gazzy said I could go with her!" He whines in English.
"What? No I didn't!" She sighs, her energy towards dealing with Gir clearly spent. "Besides, you don't even have a disguise Gir, you stick out like a sore-"
"Yes I do!" He shrieks, and the image of a small earth child flickers into the space where a visible Gir once was. The fur on his head is short, and blonde. Red cheeks and bright green eyes beam out of a chubby, childish face.
"What? You could still do that? Why didn't you tell me?" He used to be such a reliable machine, almost a friend, and now… I don't know.
"I don't know." Gir, in the form of a child shrugs and smiles, turning back to Gaz. "So can I come with you?" She looks shocked, but shakes herself out of it and opens the car door.
"Sure, just stay quiet okay?"
"Okay!" They leave, and I am left alone, with Dib.
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I don't trust him. I just don't. I mean, he's been sitting there quietly for almost ten minutes now, tapping his fingers against the seat and staring at me. It's unnerving. What's even more unnerving is what's going on with him and Gaz. That thing he said earlier? About 'not leaving her'? I didn't like that. I take being a big brother seriously, and even with a normal guy I'd be bothered, but I am not happy that this… bug seems to have some sort of soft spot for my sister. That she reciprocates! She stood up for him, even when he's clearly dangerous, and a threat to our very well being. I can't let him hurt my sister, or the planet.
"What do you want, exactly?" I ask, breaking the silence. He tilts his head in confusion, and squints his eyes.
"I do not understand." His accent is thick, and forces him to say all his words with care.
"Why are you here. On earth." His eyes narrow further and his antenna twitches. Interesting.
"I do not choose earth. I am here… mistake." Sure you are.
"Okay, let's say I believe that. What made you 'mistake' arrive here?" Note to self: When he gets angry, his antenna lay flat against his head, like a cat.
"That is not for you to know." He growls.
"Actually, I do think I should know. Given that I-well, we, have risked our lives for you! So, I'll ask you again. Why did you come here?"
"It is not for you to know. That is all." He stares at me with defiance, a slight smirk on his face.
"Listen, Zim, you're gonna have to do better than that because-"
"No, you listen, you dirt baby."
"Hey!"
"I do not want to harm earth. Understand that, okay? I do not want to harm you, for now, and I do not want to harm Gaz."
"How am I supposed to believe that?" He smirks, and relaxes into his seat.
"You do not have a choose. That baby army know you and Gaz are here. They want you, they want me. Understand?"
"Yes… and you swear you won't hurt us? I don't know if I can trust that." The alien sighs, and moves his finger in a circle over his chest.
"Kaí paoktaongib fím aokh gengeí. No harm will come to you, or Gaz. We need to… be together."
"Fine. As much as I hate to say this, you're… right. I can't get rid of you now, unfortunately, and we're just going to have to figure this thing out along the way."
"Yes." And with that, he goes back to silently staring out the window, tapping his fingers against the seat. Fingers tipped with sharp claws, I might add. I really want to get my hands on his gun, because the thought of him having it makes me uneasy, but it seems he's put it back in that… backpack type thing he has. I need to ask about that more later.
A knock at the window pulls me out of my thoughts, and I unlock the car to let Gaz and Gir back in. Zim smiles when he sees Gaz, a sickly sweet and absent minded smile.
"Did you get everything?" I ask her.
"Yeah," She huffs as she pulls the bags of groceries and other items into the footwell of the front seat. "I even managed to get a couple of tents and sleeping bags." Sure enough, there are some cylindrical grey and black bags left in the shopping cart. "I'm gonna go throw those in the back, and then we can leave. Gir, get in the car please." Gir, still disguised as a child, climbs into the front seat and squeals with happiness at being back in the car. I think.
The trunk of the car opens and closes, and Gaz sits with Zim in the backseat. She digs through a small shopping bag for a few seconds before handing Zim a few pixie sticks. He takes them eagerly and thanks her.
"So, now that we have tents and sleeping bags, we should find somewhere to camp for the night." Gaz says. "It's been one hell of a day, and I for one would like to get some sleep."
"Yes." Zim interjects. "Sleep is good for us, it will make us good tomorrow." I'm beginning to not like it when he's right.
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Setting up camp was relatively easy. West Virginia is full of thick forests and campgrounds, with many secluded options to make hiding an alien easier. We settled on a free, and rarely patrolled campground in a forest far away from the cabins. There was just enough room in the clearing for a fire pit, the car, and a few tents. Perfect for our purposes.
I got two of these nice sized two person tents, because the walmart we came across was all out of those massive family tents. Putting up the tents was… an interesting experience. Zim could not understand how to put up a tent for the longest time. He was immensely frustrated and annoyed at the quality of the tents, cursing up a storm in Irken. He said that our tents were "like baby" in comparison to Irken tents. I think he means inferior? He says baby as a comparison for a lot of things. After failing to build the second tent a grand total of six times and accepting zero offers of help, he finally figured it out (with the help of Gir translating the instruction manual) and constructed it. Successfully. He's quite proud. Now all we have to do is set up a fire, eat dinner, and get along, somehow.
"So… who knows how to make a fire?" Dib stares at me incredulously.
"Come on Gaz… You know as well as I do that I don't know how to miraculously make a fire." He walks over to the fire pit. "Besides, why do we need one? Didn't you buy some donuts or something?"
"Those are for breakfast. If we get a fire going, we can heat up the soup I bought." Zim, who was admiring his tent handiwork, turns and takes a step towards me.
"What is 'fire'?" He tilts his head, eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Oh uh, Gir, translate fire for Zim." Gir stops attempting to eat the pot I bought and beamed at me.
"Lesi, fire is eke!" He screeches.
"Ah!" Zim smiles and waves his hand in the air. "I can fire. It is baby."
"That's great Zim! Go for it." I take a step back to observe. There's lots of fallen twigs and sticks around the campsite and Zim makes use of his pak legs to help gather them quickly, all the while Gir follows him around like a lost child. He gathered his wood, and deposited the kindling in the fire pit, ready to go. I expected him to rub two sticks together or something like that, but instead, Zim took a few steps back, reached into his pak, pulled out his gun, and shot the laser blaster into the fire. A small flame instantly lit.
"Jesus Christ!" Dib yelped. "You can't just go around shooting that thing! You might hit one of us!" Zim scoffed as he returned the gun to his pak.
"I will not. Kaí vaí yov úlí." The twigs in the fire steadily began to ignite the neighboring twigs, a campfire was forming.
"Huh. That was kind of cool, Zim."
"It was not!" Dib hissed. "He can't go around shooting a gun with no-"
"Oh, can it Dib." I reach into the bag of groceries to grab the soup. "You didn't know how to make a fire anyway, and now we have one. Gir, can I have that pot?" The little robot shrieked with glee, and handed me the pot.
"For you!"
"Thanks…" I still don't know what to make of him. Messed up little thing that's for sure. I have to use a handheld can opener to open the soup, but once that's done I'm able to pour it into the pot to begin making dinner. Well, heating up dinner.
The fire pit has two log benches on either side, Dib takes a seat across from me, and Zim settles to my right on the log. Dib is glaring at Zim like there's no tomorrow, but I'm not going to pay him attention.
"So. Zim." Dib says with contempt. "How did you get here? How did you meet Gaz? In my peripheral vision I can see Zim stiffen, so I take a deep breath and prepare.
"I get here from spaceship. Gaz… help me." As the soup begins to bubble, I glance up to catch Dib's eyes.
"He crashed, Dib. I pulled him out of his ship, took care of him. He didn't mean to come here." Dib opens his mouth to interrupt. "And before you ask, no, he is not here with ulterior motives. I'm sure of it."
"How? How can you be sure of that? I mean, what were you thinking Gaz? He could be carrying a hundred different alien diseases and you wouldn't know!"
"What?" Zim asks.
"Dib. Stop. Just… Stop. We have already had this conversation, and knowing you, you're going to make us keep having it. Frankly, none of that matters now. What's done is done, and Zim is here. Now, the soup is ready, do you want some?" He glares at me, then stands up.
"Actually, I'm going to go to bed. If you want to enable a possible future alien overlord, be my goddamn guest, Gaz. Goodnight." He shoots Zim one more sharp glare, then turns on his heel to walk towards his tent. Gir screeches from the woods behind me.
"Wait! I wanna be with Dibble!" Dib turns on his heel, looking behind him at the deranged little robot vying for his attention.
"No. Absolutely not. I won't get a wink of sleep. You never shut up, and alien germs-"
"Gir, neírmí veíz ika." Zim interrupts. Suddenly, Gir stops speaking, the lights on his stomach and mouth dimming, and his eye lights turning off. He stands, perfectly still in a neutral position.
"I… What just happened?"
"Oh, Zim put him in sleep mode."
"What? Why isn't he in sleep mode all the time?" Zim rolls his eyes.
"Too many. He will not stay sleep. Veíz ika is six hour."
"But you just put him in sleep mode." Dib says, running his hand through his hair.
"Yes? I do not understand." Zim's left antennae begins to twitch. I know I have to step in before this escalates.
"Dib, Zim can sometimes make Gir go to sleep if he hasn't slept for a while, I think, but he won't stay asleep forever. It's complicated, but that's the gist of what I understand."
"Fine. Whatever. I'm going to bed. Have fun fraternizing with aliens."
"Actually Dib, can you take Gir with you? I don't want him standing out in the campsite where anyone can see him."
"Ugh," Dib groans, stomping over to where Gir is like a petulant child. "Fine, now leave me alone." Gir remains stiff in a standing position as Dib tucks him under his arm and goes to his tent. Zim and I watch in silence as Dib awkwardly unzips and enters the tent, grumbling under his breath the entire time.
"Hey," I whisper leaning over to Zim. "Can't wait until Gir wakes him up at 3am, right?" Zim snorts and leans back.
"Thank you. That will be fun for me." He grins and turns back to his soup.
"Believe me, I'm looking forward to it." We eat our dinner in a mutual, pleasant quietness. The sounds of the crackling fire and crickets fill the air, and I realize just how hungry I am that this soup tastes like the most amazing thing I've ever had. Zim is nice to talk to, especially now that his grasp on the language is getting better. I'm beginning to notice his snarky sense of humor, his quick witted comebacks to Dib being the thing that comes to mind.
This whole situation is the weirdest, most insane thing that's ever happened in my life but at the same time… I feel that I'm actually making a friend. A friend that I care for, who cares about me. That's definitely a first. In my peripheral I can see him glance at me here and there, like he's trying to gauge my reaction of something. He wants to make sure I'm alright, I think, especially after my panic attack today.
Oh. My panic attack.
"Zim, can I ask you something?" He looks at me, perplexed.
"Yes?" I stir my spoon absentmindedly, trying to choose my words carefully.
"Earlier today you said… you said that you were weak, for having had a panic attack. Why do you think that?" He grimaces, and looks away from me.
"It is true. I am weak."
"No, Zim, of course you're not. Why-"
"On Irk, it is weak. We can not…" He sighs. "Weak is bad, dangerous. You can not be weak here," He taps his head. "I am weak here." He whispers.
"Zim, listen to me. Irk is wrong." I reach out to grasp his shoulder, but he jerks away from me.
"No, I can not… I was not… I have nightmare. I have panic. I am weak." He chokes on his words and looks at the ground. "You can not understand." I put my bowl of soup on the ground and turn to face him fully.
"I know that what I say may not help, because I know that you are… struggling here, but I promise you, that having issues in life is not a sign of weakness. I know I don't know you well yet, but you are stronger than you may think." I lean in, and for the first time in a long time, I give someone a hug. He's stiff as a board at first, but I hold still, wrapping my arms around him tightly, hoping he understands what's happening. Maybe Irk doesn't have hugs and he thinks I'm attacking him? I hope that's not the case.
But, slowly, I feel his hands wrap around mine, and he leans his head into my shoulder, and cries. Quietly, and heart wrenchingly, an alien cries into my shoulder as I hug him. It takes everything in my power to keep from crying myself, and I gently begin to rub his back, in what I assume is a soothing manner.
"It's okay… I whisper. "It's going to be okay…" It feels like time has slowed to this moment, as he squeezes his arms tighter around me and the sound of his crying begins to slow as he calms down. In time, he stops altogether and we just sit there, hugging each other. An idea strikes me and I gently pull away to face him, sliding my hands down his arms to hold his hands.
"Hey, I have an idea, and you may not like it, but it might help." His antenna twitches in confusion, but he nods anyway.
"You told me once," I can feel myself blushing. "You told me that when I was with you that one night, that you didn't have any nightmares. I'm going to go grab my sleeping bag from Dib's tent, and I'll meet you in yours okay?" His cheeks darken in color as if he's blushing, but he nods.
"Okay. I'm gonna go… do that." I stand up awkwardly, and make my way to Dib's tent. Looking back before I enter the tent, I turn to see Zim walking slowly to his tent. It's dark, but if I'm not mistaken there's a slight smile on his face. I unzip Dib's tent, and enter to see Dib, sitting on his sleeping bag, arms folded, and frowning.
"Oh shit, Dib-"
"I've been listening, watching. Don't you dare do what I think you're doing." He grumbles.
"Dib, I swear to God if it was any other situation I would beat your ass right now, you know that right?" He winces.
"Don't do this Gaz… You can't trust him, please. That was a show for you, I know it." I yank my sleeping bag from the floor.
"You don't know anything Dib. You don't know anything about Zim, and you don't know anything about me. Goodnight." I crawl out of the tent as angrily as I can as Dib calls after me.
"Gaz! Gaz!" I ignore him, stomping across the clearing to Zim's tent. I unzip the tent, and when I see Zim, lying in his sleeping bag, one hand under his pillow, I feel my anger melt away.
"Is all good?" He asks.
"Yeah, Dib is just annoying." I say, unrolling my sleeping bag and kicking my shoes off. Zim chuckles.
"He is." I crawl into the bag, and lie on my side facing Zim.
"Well, goodnight." I reach my hand out of the bag to hold his. Zim smiles slightly, and squeezes my hand.
"Goodnight, Gaz."