Gaz stared at the ceiling, as she tried to figure out what to say.
After that interesting evening, Zim lost all his energy to talk, and slowly made his way to the guest room. Gaz had spoken to Phil on her own a little longer before making her way there as well, finding Zim curled up under all the blankets, staring blankly at the wall.
She tried to get him to talk to her, but he ignored her repeatedly. So she decided to give him some more time while she took a shower, and thought some things over.
Zim's father was confirmed to be abusive. Not really a surprise, but it hurt all the same to know.
She frowned. Why did that hurt to know. Normally she would feel a small amount of sympathy for things like this, but not agonize over it. And now, she finds herself letting the hot water rush over her, feeling like a literal hole has opened in her chest. It burned, and it frustrated her that it did. Really, what did she even know about this? There were no details, no real evidence… Not that she didn't believe Zim, she just couldn't figure out why she felt so bad when she knew next to nothing. Her mind wandered off into trying to guess what his father was like, before realizing that she didn't actually want to imagine, settling on hoping for a best case scenario of verbal cruelty, given all the ways she knew this situation could be far worse.
"Fuck… What kind of person am I hoping for that."
She leaned her head against the tiled wall and sighed. She just wanted for none of that to have ever happened, but there was nothing she could do about it, except for hope that Zim gets better somehow. Although the hope seems faint with how he seems to be feeling about this whole thing.
She reluctantly turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, trying to think of things to say as she dried herself and got dressed. Maybe ask him again how he's feeling? Or maybe what he's expecting out of therapy… Maybe ask him about his father?
She frowns at that last thought. That's certainly not a good idea, best leave that to Phil to handle.
Gaz chuckled slightly at the absurdity of Phil, in part only trying to get herself to relax from the tension of the previous day, but it was something. She opened the bathroom door, switched off the light, and stepped into the guest bedroom, seeing Zim lying on the bed on his side, facing away from her.
"Hey." She spoke up as she approached the bed, but he didn't respond.
"Zim, come on… I know you're awake."
He didn't say anything, but tugged the blankets tighter around himself. Gaz sighed, and sat down on her side of the bed.
"Uh… Do you want to…" She cringed, talking about these kinds of deep topics was really uncomfortable for her. She didn't even know where to start…
"Do you wanna talk about what happened today? Um, with Phil and the whole thing about your dad?"
"No."
She sighed at the blunt tone of his voice, but at least it was something. She stood up slightly to fold the blankets over, so she could climb into bed. She lied down on her back, and stared at the ceiling, trying to think of what to say to break through that barrier.
"Zim… Are you nervous?"
He shifted, and out of the corner of her eye she could see his antenna twitch.
"What is ner-vuss?" His voice was quiet and unsure, but at least he was talking, Gaz thought.
"Well, you know. It's like… When something is coming up, and you feel all weird, um… all small. You feel afraid… Does this make sense?"
He was still for a moment, before shifting slightly as he rolled over enough to turn his head to look at her.
"Nervous is afraid for… tomorrow?"
"Yeah! Something like that. Do you have a word for that?"
Zim nodded.
"Yes… 'Aochíbíd. I have it many."
"So you're nervous a lot."
"I am sorry…"
"Why are you apologizing?" She rolled over fully to lie on her side, facing him. "There's nothing wrong with being nervous."
"I do not want to be weak."
"Zim, what? Why do- What do you think these feelings are?"
Finally, he rolled over to face her, but avoided eye contact.
"Weak. I do not want to be afraid, I do not want... Kaí ú 'óích nodejie kho…"
"Well, how would you like to not.. Uh… Feel like that anymore? How would you like to feel better?"
He finally made eye contact with her, and looked at her questioningly.
"How can I not be weak? I fail."
"Okay, well that's just the thing. You didn't fail anyone, and you're not weak." She sat up in bed, focusing hard on finding the right words, as she pulled her pillow around her body to hold in her lap.
"Zim, all those things that you tell yourself, they aren't true. Now, this thing that Phil proposed, the therapy thing, if you do that, it will make you feel better! Well, not right away, but over time, and with hard work… Maybe some medication, although I don't think that would be safe in the slightest- Okay I'm getting off track!" She took a deep breath to steady her train of thought. "Look, you do this therapy, you tell Phil everything that has ever happened to you, and you'll feel better, because he'll walk you through everything that makes you upset… Everything that makes you feel bad."
Zim stared at her blankly, making Gaz nervous that she had spoken too quickly.
"Does that make sense…?"
"I…" He thought for a moment. "I have to say all? Why? He will see I am a coward… Ishekhíd."
"Ee-sheh-hid?" Gaz cringed at her awful pronunciation. "What is that?"
"It is wrong." He lowered his eyes in shame, and squeezed his hand tightly around his pillow. "It is broken."
"You're not broken, Zim. Don't say that… It isn't true." She knew from experience that those words were going through one ear, uh, antenna, and out the other, but she couldn't keep herself from saying it. "Right now you might feel that way, but uh, that's what the therapy is for. It makes you not feel… that way. It's like… Think of Phil as a really good fixer, but he fixes brains, you know?"
"And… He can fix me? So I am not broken?"
Gaz frowned at the persistent negative train of thought, but reminded herself that Rome wasn't built in a day, so she just had to be patient.
"Yeah. He'll make you feel better. You just have to give it a chance… Promise me?"
Zim nodded, and reached out to squeeze her hand hesitantly.
"I promise…"
Gaz smiled slightly at him, just to try and reassure his mood a little, and thankfully, he smiled back.
"So, I promised you 20 questions, you have 20 questions."
Phil casually crossed his legs as he leaned back into his armchair. He had a steaming hot cut of matcha green tea on the side table next to him, and the little cast iron wood stove had a nice fire going. It was the perfect environment to get comfortable and be interviewed, at least it was in Phil's opinion.
"Yes! Yes okay-!" Dib grinned excitedly, clutching a legal pad in his left hand, he leaned forward in his chair as he prepared to ask his first question. "Okay first, how old are you?"
"I'm 39." Phil chuckled to himself. "Just kidding, that's just what I like to tell myself… I'm actually 42."
Dib frowned, and tapped the legal pad with his pen annoyedly.
"Come on, you promised not to lie!"
"Alright, alright. No more jokes!" He sipped his tea, grinning mischievously. "It's very hard to resist though."
"Aha. I'm sure… Okay, uh… Where were you born?"
"Cincinnati. I thought I already told you that?"
"You did, I just wanted to be sure… And what are your parents' names?"
Phil raised a brow at that.
"Do you want my social security number too?"
"I mean… Look I just want to know that you're real! I promise I don't want to hack your identity or anything." Dib winced as he spoke, hoping that Phil wouldn't just end the interview then and there.
"Well, I won't be telling you that, so don't ask. As for my parents, my dad was named Henry Atlas, my mom is named Carol Sallow. She remarried a few years back…" Phil fixed a stern expression upon his face. "Do not contact her. Do you understand?"
Dib nodded and quietly wrote down the notes.
"I won't… I promise. So, uh… What's your birthday?"
"December 18th, 1977. In a few months I'll be 43.. Time sure flies!"
"Uh, happy early birthday, I guess!" Dib chuckled nervously, but Phil smiled graciously at his manners.
"Thank you."
"Okay, so. Any siblings?"
"Younger sister, June. Are you really going to be asking me family medical history-type questions all evening?"
"No! Well- hey! You said I could ask you whatever I want!"
"You can, but you'll burn through those questions quickly." Phil said smugly.
"I know what I'm doing…" Dib grumbled, scratching out a few things on his list of questions. "Okay… What year were you turned into the- well, a mothman?"
Phil sighed. He knew these questions would come, but he was prepared for this.
"2005."
"Can you be more specific? Sorry uh, was there a month? A day?"
"...March. I don't know the specific day… Around the 15th is when it finally happened, I think. It's all a bit of a blur now."
"So… what happened?"
"What do you think? I was experimented on." Phil's voice was cold and still. He no longer looked calm and comfortable, now rigid and statuesque. His only movement was his finger, tapping on the side of his tea mug. Dib swallowed nervously, as he sweated underneath Phil's freezing stare.
"Um… Right, I'm sorry about that-"
"It's not your fault. It's just… hard for me to talk about."
"I understand. Um… Just… Do you know why… Why a mothman? I m-mean, why did they turn- Wait, that's not the right word, uh, why did you, no, they-"
"I don't know." Phil's gaze had softened, watching Dib stutter over his words calmed him down in a way. "I think it's just his idea of a joke. My last name is Atlas. It's a type of moth, did you know that? I did, but I never really thought about it when I was young. I think he thought about it too much." He took another sip of his tea, but this time his hand was shaking slightly.
"Yeah… Listen, I uh. I think that's good for tonight."
"Really? I promised you 20 questions. I'll keep that promise, Dib."
"Yeah but… It's okay." He smiled and closed the legal pad, tucking the pen in his pocket. "I'll pester you more another time. I still have eleven questions left! I'll make good use of them, I promise."
Phil smiled warmly and placed his mug of tea down on the side table.
"Alright. Another time then… I appreciate your discretion." He stood up, and walked towards the hallway that led to the bedrooms. "I'm gonna turn in for the night. Goodnight, Dib."
"Goodnight…"
Tak walked through the dense West Virginia forest, hitting her hand against a device she was holding in frustration. The signal kept blinking in and out and going all over the place.
"Come on! Work you stupid thing!" She growled in annoyance. "What's wrong with that thing?"
The little robot next to her shrugged, and Tak rolled her eyes.
"Thanks, Mimi." She said sarcastically. "How the hell am I ever supposed to find them if the damn thing is broken!?"
She stomped her foot against the ground, the leafs and sticks cracking underfoot like a dying fire. She stopped walking, just standing in the cool fall air, observing the planet around her. The thick foliage, all the insects, the animals she could hear in the distance.
"This place is disgusting. The tallests should burn the whole stinking planet to the ground- UGH!" She mentally hit herself. She hated them, just thinking about them was giving them too much attention. Better to just focus on the task at hand so she can go home, and get paid.
Tak stared at the tracking device in her hand, at the erratic light. The task at hand… Was this even a good idea… What was it that idiot said? Molegally? She scoffed to herself.
"Neither. It's wrong on all counts…" She couldn't even comprehend why the tallests would want this in the first place. It didn't make sense! Why would they-
"Oh why do you care." She mumbled darkly. "Who knows why monsters think the way they do…"
Mimi tugged on her arm, and Tak looked down at her trusty SIR unit.
"Well, at least you know better than them." Maybe she could lie somehow? No, that would never work. That would be way too suspicious. Tak sighed as she dejectedly sat down on a tree stump, and stared at the forest around her. Mimi sat next to her in silence, as usual, and leaned against her to comfort her.
"You know, it's actually not that ugly…" This forest reminded her of the mountains outside the city. She never really visited, could only imagine what they were like, but sitting in the forest now, it was certainly nothing like the city. No twisted metal and glass, no lights or sounds or people, just the buzzing of insects wind.
"Look Mimi… The stars…" Tak stared up through a gap of the foliage at the night sky. It was amazing to her, to be able to see the stars from the surface of a planet. Sure, she had experienced it before, namely on Tefekh, that desert wasteland… But growing up in the city, she was still not used to it at all.
Mimi pointed excitedly at a specific corner of the sky, her eyes lighting up proudly.
"Yeah, don't worry, we'll go home soon. And with the money I make from this job, I'm gonna take mom and dad out to a really fancy dinner, and then I'm gonna go on a good long vacation… And hopefully never have to talk to any of those assholes again."
Tak pulled a small flask out of a side bag, and lifted it to the sky.
"Fuck the empire."
She toasted, and drank from it.