Waking Up
Chapter 2
He ran hard. And it hurt. All of it. The physical side of it and the mental side of it. But the running helped.
He needed this; he knew that. He needed to get stronger. To recover. He needed the distraction.
His career was uncertain, still not Army fit, but he was on the way to getting there.
His personal life was a tad more certain. He hoped. Some days he knew exactly where that was going, and then others he doubted. Unsure how he could be so lucky and wondered if he truly deserved it. If he deserved her.
Still though he doubted everything; why she should want him, and if she would come back to him.
He quickened his pace. The turmoil of his thoughts pushed him on. He ran around the familiar grounds. Nodded absent minded to passing acquaintances as they too pounded they pavements. Lost to punishing himself in the only way he knew how.
It was a wet day and his shirt was soaked from the rain and sweat. He hardly noticed anything, he just kept on running and the pain to his recovering leg increased.
His strides eventually became forced. His breathing ragged. He knew it was time to stop. The rain blinding him as he slowed to a gentler pace. As he started to bring his body and mind back down to a reasonable rate.
Slowly he walked into the building's door. Intending to walk straight to his room. Disciplining himself that he didn't have to check twice a day, every day for a letter, yet he did.
He was weak. He gave in. He strode past his quarters and went straight to the mail room.
Wet and puffing he saw a few smirks as he passed colleagues by. He'd only been in the Officer's quarters for a little over two months, but folks knew him.
They knew his story. They knew his history and they pretty much all knew why he checked the mail room so often.
Captain Charles James was in love.
In love with a serving soldier. Who was on tour. In love with the infamous medic... Molly Dawes.
"Is this what you're looking for Charlie Boy?" A familiar voice boomed out as he entered the room.
His back was turned to him, holding an envelope high above his head. Even though Charles couldn't see the face of his tormentor he knew who it was
"Yes." He snatched it away. "Thank you." As he grabbed the letter.
Elvis turned and grinned. Loving to see his friend so strong again, but also loving the fact he was partly a lovesick puppy.
In all the years they had known one another, and there had been lots, he had never quite seen his best buddy so smitten.
Hell, not even the ex-wife, he now possessed, had ever made his friend so... soppy!
"Take it's another one from Molly then?" Elvis pointlessly asked.
"Indeed!" Was all Charles replied. Smiling at Elvis, only giving his shoulder a friendly pat and then he left. He didn't want to waste time on his annoying, but loyal, friend.
He walked quickly back to his room. Holding on to his precious cargo. His fingers traced over the surprisingly elegant handwriting of his name.
It had only been two days since the last letter, but it was far too long. They had promised to write daily, and he did. She did too for the most part.
He understood though when she didn't. She was out there working. Doing a job. Training Afghan Medics. So, she was busy. Her days were filled, unlike his. Where all he had were physio sessions, training schedules and doubts, she had excitement and demands on her time.
So, when she did find the time to write he savoured every word.
He laid the letter down and peeled off his wet training top and shorts. Grabbing a towel, and only clad in his tight boxers he laid on his bed after he had quickly dried the sweat off himself. His breathing still a little fast as his naked chest fell and rose in anticipation. He tried to calm his thoughts. He needed this time with her letter to be perfect and uninterrupted.
"Well, here I go again, boring you with my shit". He laughed aloud at that. So typical Molly. Most folks started letters with Dear or Dearest, but not his Molly.
"First things first. Yes I'm being safe. Taking care. Staying alert and all that. Just like you taught me to; and just like I promised.
See sometimes I do listen.
Secondly. I miss you. So much. So so so much.
Like you wouldn't believe."
He rested his head back on the wall of his bed head. Oh, he knew about missing someone. He missed her just as much. He shifted as his boxers started to become uncomfortably tight just at the thought of her. Of their short time together. Of the fun they had had together.
"Three weeks and four days. That's all Charles until I'm back. Can you believe that? Mad isn't it? On one hand it has been the longest two months EVER, but then on the other …it's flown.
I've loved it. Loved every moment of it. The teaching. The questioning. The friends I've made... but I've hated being away from you.
Yeah yeah I know I say it all the time... but I like telling you. I miss you... but more importantly I love you!
So, we still on for a Skype call on Thursday? About 20.00hrs your time? Bloody hope so. I need to see that pretty boat race of yours again.
Thanks for the care package you sent me. Loved the sweets you sent. Hint hint! Not too sure though some of the mags were my style. I'm more into gossip ones, rather than home decorating ones. I guess they were your Mother's choice...again?
So that's it, I guess I have no news to tell you. Nothing really happens here.
As you know. Same old. Same old.
Hope you're keeping your training up, and you're ok.
How's the leg doing?
Know you hate talking about it but it's kind of important! Besides I have a reason to ask... I'm a Medic!
You know I worry.
Will look forward to Skyping on Thursday.
And I promise I won't keep going on.
Maybe might even let you get a word in too this time.
I know I talk lots. It's just cause... well cause I can... with you that is...you listen to me and no one has really done that before.
Time to hit my pit. I'll write tomorrow.
Love You.
Molly xxxx"
He rested the letter on his chest and closed his eyes. It wasn't the longest. It wasn't the most deep and meaningful letter, but it meant everything to him.
She shared with him and that's all he could ask.
-OG-
She always knew that the mail drop was something special. Something she hadn't looked forward to on her last tour when she was there with Charles. Because then she had been more often than not disappointed.
Her family weren't great letter writers. It was really only her Mum, and every now and again her sister, who wrote. Nan always added a few lines to the bottom of her Mum's letters but never sent one on her own.
During the last tour, when she was under Charles' command, she diligently attended the maildrop gatherings, mainly just to be close to Charles, even though she would never admit it, and knew there wouldn't be any letters for her.
However, this time, this time it was so different.
In the beginning she hadn't expected him to really keep his word about writing. But he had. Every day.
Then he started to send care packages out to her. Week after week after week. Sometimes she suffer the teasing from the others on tour with her, but she didn't care.
She loved it.
Even thousands of miles away from him she still felt his love. She knew she loved him.
Sometimes there were low moments when she wondered just why she had taken on this tour. In those moment when she missed him desperately. But then she read his letters. Letters which told her why. Explain to her the reasons she already knew why she had taken on another tour so soon after the last. He grounded her. He made her life meaningful once again and she thanked him for that.
She knew the schedule well. She knew the time was approaching for the next mail drop and so she set off across the compound to meet it.
The weeks had turned her casual walk towards the mailroom into a quick and walk, and now it was almost a full out fast paced jog.
Excitement bubbling up inside of her. The excitement that his letters brought refusing to allow her legs to go slow.
She wasn't disappointed. She rarely was when it came to Charles James.
There waiting for her was her prize. A letter from him. The familiar blue paper and the scruffy handwriting made her smile.
The first letter she had ever received from him had been unexpected. A love note slipped secretly into her kit bag as he had dropped her off at Brize. Something she had only found hours later, and when she saw it she was amazed at how untidy and disorganised his writing was.
He had written so beautifully on her arm that time. The word Rosabya in perfect penmanship she had expected that would how he would always write. But he didn't. He was a messy scratchy writer in real life. And so, it made that moment, that he had wrote so beautifully on her arm, so much more special. As she now appreciated that he had put such a lot of effort in writing perfectly on her arm proving to her that even then he had wanted to impress her. Had cared enough to want to make her remember him, and he was still trying.
She accepted the mail and rushed away.
She wasn't so lucky on this tour. She wasn't able to find a place where she could have solitude for too long. She didn't have her own individual Med Centre this time nor did she have her own quarters.
It was so different from before. Everywhere in this place now was busy moving, shifting, changing. Nothing remained the same for too long. So even when she did find one place, by the next time she needed it the chances were it had disappeared.
As always it was the first few moments of her having a letter from him that was spent in her trying to find somewhere. Somewhere calm and quiet for her to sit down and read his words. To savour them and what they were to each other.
Today she was lucky. Molly wasn't part of the large exercise drills that were taking place. And quickly she found a small bench of the main canteen tent that she was able to tuck herself away on. Alone. Not ideal but it was absolutely better than nothing, as she couldn't wait to read his words.
She slowly and delicately opened the letter. Before she even read the first words she knew how it would go.
She knew he'd be the perfect gentleman. Always was. Would begin with calling her 'darling' or her 'dearest'. Old fashioned like that, but she didn't mind. She'd never been that to anybody before, and simply loved the fact that she was that to Charles. For the first time in her life, she felt she deserved to be that.
'Darling Molly.'
She grinned at her correct guess of his opener.
'God I feel like I say this every time. Repeating myself every time. But I feel so much for you, and I hope you don't mind but I'm going to have to say it again.
I bloody miss you.
When I first met you nearly year ago I thought that I wouldn't be able to stand six months with you. And now look at me. A lovesick puppy.
Counting down the days, counting down the hours, until I get to see you again, until I get to hold you again.
Please I beg you, I know this is very unfair but whatever you do... do not volunteer to do extra time out there.
Stick to the three months that you originally signed up for. Stick to the return date that I am looking at every day on my calendar... please for me...for my sanity.
Besides you've got to come home. If you don't who knows what type of trouble I'll get into. You saw the type of trouble I get into when you're around. Hell can you imagine what it's going be like if you're not here?
Sorry...I know I'm being unfair…..this is your journey.
Of course, if you need to stay out there longer... if you need to stay and do something else and I'm behind you 100%. Don't factor me in. (Well just a little bit...okay... a lot).
But I mean it Molly if you need to do this. If you need to stay out longer and deal with it all just explain to me why. Tell me why and I will understand. I promise. I will try to understand. I mean won't like it but I would understand.
Besides you have to come home eventually... though I prefer to be sooner rather than later.
If it is later though. If it has to be later then I'll take that. I'll take anything as long as you to come home. As long as you do come home. To me.
Life goes on here. I've got a shit load of assessments coming up in a couple of days' time.
Been doing quite a bit of training with Elvis too. To get physically ready for the assessments. It's good to have somebody to train with. Someone that pushes you. I know most of the time he's an arse. I know most of the time everybody thinks that about him . And I also know that he knows that. But he's a bloody good mate.
I'll be honest with you my love. There are some days when I still find it difficult to get my head off the pillow. Where the pain is still there and sometimes when I close my eyes, I see it all again.
The danger. The panic. The loss of control. I need you. By my side. To help me. So please come home.
But since you're not here… I've a fair substitute in Elvis. He's been good to me. He is making me get up in the mornings, and he's a hell of a task master in making me do my rehab.
So, there will be a big surprise when you see me again Molly. A good one I hope.
Last time I waved goodbye to you I had my foot in the boot. Embarrassingly limping behind you.
But when you see me again Molly you'll see you change. Hope you like it! No more boot for me now...Things are getting noticeably better.
My Mum tries to tell me that I now have my 'healthy glow' back. Whenever hell that means, I thought it was only pregnant woman that had healthy glows?
But I have to agree with her. Clothes are fitting just that little bit better. I'm not as bloody knackered all the time. Appetite is coming back. Sleeping... well let's just say... I'm getting there.
Sleep ain't so great...if I'm truthful.
Don't worry. Yes the flash backs of the shooting are part of it but only part of it.
I blush to say this... but it's you Molly that's disturbing my sleep. The thought of you. The smell that still lingers on the t shirt of mine you wore. The memory of your touch on my body. All stop me from sleeping.
I dream about you almost every night. I dream about our time together. Of your caresses. I don't want to go on. Too much frustration. Too many wonderful flashbacks of our time together.
Thank God I've moved out. Got my own pad in Barracks again. Have a degree of privacy.
I'm not ashamed to say Molly Dawes but you've got me wound up like a horny teenager again like no-one ever has!
I dread to think what you must be like. I bet you're suffering. At least I have privacy. I bet you have nothing.
All I can hope is that when you do return whatever frustrations you're feeling you'll allow them to be satisfied by me. A lot, over and over again! And it's me and only me you turn to to relieve all that pent up frustration.
Enough. I'm too 'distracted' now to continue writing. Sorry hope I haven't left you wanting with no relief!
I know it's so hard when you can't have some 'me' time! Sharing dorms is tough. Just rest assured that the 'me' time I'm now going to have…..well let's just say you'll be my star inspiration!
Forgive me. I don't mean to tease you. It's unfair.
Just remember this Molly Dawes.
I love you.
Stay focused. Stay alert. Stay alive.
Adore you always.
Charles xxxx"
Molly sighed as she finished the letter. She was torn.
The ache she felt low down inside her, almost a throbbing for him, conflicted with the sadness of being apart and the utter happiness she felt in reading his words.
She appreciated him more than ever. And missed him even more. The past months had shown her that.
She had made a promised to return to him. And return she would. As planned, but she still knew that the next few weeks were going to be the hardest and most unfulfilling ones of her life.
She needed to get home and she needed to get back to her man.