Waking Up
Chapter 6
I'm telling ya!" She said passing him over his beer. "He was looking at me. Like I was... I don't know..."
Charles took the drink off her and smiled shaking his head.
"What like you were 'well dodgy'?" He said grabbing her hand as she sat down, placing her glass of wine in front of her looking around nervously. "If he was looking then Molly he was looking at you because he thought you were gorgeous and that was all."
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
"No that wasn't it. I'm sure he wondered what the hell I was doing in a place like this!" She said as she looked around the other clientele in the bar area.
Charles closed his eyes and did his best to hide the exasperated breath he wanted to blow out. He then stood and crossed to her side of the table, squatted down in front of her and grabbed both of her hands.
"Is that what you think?" He asked. "That you don't belong here? You don't feel comfortable?" He looked sad. "I mean I thought this was perfect, but if you don't like it we can always go."
"Oh God." She moaned out. "Ignore me. You know I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time don't I?" She gave him a grimace. "I don't mean to. But you do know me...my mouth moves faster than my brain. That's all."
She pulled her hands away and then he move back to sit in the chair opposite her again.
"So, what is it Molly?" He asked with patience. "What can I do to make you feel comfortable?"
She looked around, where they sat. Different from anywhere she'd ever been before, and because of that they were tucked away in the corner of a fancy lounge at their mini break accommodation. Staying a few days in very fancy and very exclusive hotel.
It had meant to be time for them to be alone, away, getting to know one another and spending time in each other's company. It seems such a great idea when he suggested it. Yet at the moment he had driven up the driveway and she'd first seen how elegant and posh the place was; she started to have doubts.
She felt out of place. She felt that she was being judged. She felt guilty that she wasn't enjoying it as she should have been. That his treat was hard for her to accept. That and the fact that Charles was paying for it all, and he never asked for her share, as though it was just expected that he would.
It was all just so new to her. She'd never been treated this way. Had never known any of her friends or family ever to be treated this way. He was acting like a Prince Charming out of a fairy story. Something she didn't believe in, never had, and never would believe they existed. That was until she met Charles James, and now here she was living the life of a fairytale Princess. Finding herself falling deeper in love with her Prince, and it was just a little bit too hard to take on so much so soon.
"It's just a bit hard for me" She said as she looked at him sadly. Scared of his reaction. "Not really used to this type of stuff where I come from."
He nodded. He knew at times she had her insecurities. That it was difficult for her to believe her true worth, and that hurt him as much as it would hurt her. Yet he didn't know what more he could do and so he just let her continue.
He took a big swig of his drink. Careful not to scare her. Letting her talk.
"I'm not being a cow am I?" She asked to his silence. "Oh God I am. I definitely am. I'm sorry." She rambled on. "I'll stop now."
The silence between them continued and she thought she'd gone too far. She bit her lip slowly looking at him.
"You gonna say something now?" She asked.
Moving the chair suddenly Charles made sure they were now sitting closer. The noise and the movement noticed by several in the quiet bar area, he didn't care, she was more important.
He leant forward and urgently grabbed her hands.
"I wanted this to be special." He said. "I wanted this to be nice. I wanted to treat you, but none of those things matter if it's not right. I mean it, we can go if you want. I don't care."
"But you went to so much effort." She said amazed at his generosity.
He continued to stare at her. "I don't fucking care. I'd go anywhere with you... if this is making you uncomfortable let's go pack our bags right now... go find somewhere different."
He grabbed both of her hands and kissed the knuckles of them. Then held onto them as he continued.
"You're the thing that is important to me. You. It's you being happy that makes me happy... not where we are." He swallowed hard. "I could be anywhere, we could be anywhere, as long as we are together.
She released her hands from his and grabbed his cheeks, pulling him down to her, and then she kissed him gently on the lips.
"No, you're right." She said truly touched by how much he cared, and how much he was willing to change, sacrifice, alter, just to keep her happy. "It's a little bit hard to take. It's a bit overwhelming. But..." She smiled at him knowing if she was going to have any future with Charles she needed to appreciate that this is the type of man he was, and she was just going to have to get used to it.."You're the thing that is important too...you...you make me happy...not where we are. You're right we could be anywhere all that matters is we're finally together."
She released his face from her hands and kissed him gently on the lips. "We'll stay."
The beam, the smile on his face said it all, and she knew this new self-confidence she was slowly building was so worth it when she was rewarded with such a beautiful smile.
"You know it won't always be like this?" He reassured her as he walked her to their table in the restaurant. His hand resting in the small of her back as he gentle guided her to the dining room. "Fancy meals and places. Being dressed up to the nines!"
She stopped and turned. Resting her hand on the smart blazer jacket he wore. Appreciating his words of comfort.
"I hope not." She teased. "Cause this is me only good dress." She admitted looking down at the floaty summer dress she had already worn on their first date.
He grinned as he grabbed both shoulders, turned her and got her to start walking again.
"And a beautiful dress it is." He said as he gently placed a kiss on the side of her cheek. "And if I remember correctly….. a lucky one! Well for me at least!"
She giggled at this.
"I'm not saying I don't like it though." Continuing her giggle as he pulled the chair out to the table skilfully waving off the waiter who had rushed over to help. Enjoying how he gently pushed it in, and nudged her knees enough to make her sit down. "It's just sometimes..."
She didn't finish instead just watched him move to his side of the table and sat down taking his napkin and placing it on his lap.
He laid his hands out on the table, both of them tapping out a nervous beat on the white pristine tablecloth. He then gently moved one of the empty wine glasses factually to the right straightening his knife and fork as he did so. She watched it. She knew he was nervous too.
He drew his breath and looked at her pulling in his bottom lip before he said.
"As I said. I just wanted to make it special. To make you know that you are special… to me."
She leaned forward and her resting elbows on the table and moved towards him. Instantly he copied her stance and they were almost touching forehead to forehead.
"I know, and it's great. Thank you."
He gently reached out and placed a stray hair behind her ear.
"It is...But I might make you right. Next time I treat you... well McDonald's...here we come!" He teased.
She giggled squishing her nose up and Charles only found this more adorable.
"I'll hold you to that then mate." Leaning back. Lightening the mood "I'll have you know though I'm not a cheap date."
He leaned back too in his chair too enjoying the playful banter between them. "Never thought you were, but tell me more Dawes, tell me more."
She considered him as she sat comfortably in her chair, pretending to focus on the extensive menu that was in front of her.
"Yeah don't think you'll be able to buy me off." She give him a wise steady look. "I've sometimes been known to have ordered two sausage McMuffins."
That had him fully laughing. Proper belly laughs. He loved this woman. She was everything that the previous women in his life were not. She was everything that he had ever wanted. She was everything that he needed.
Despite it all it was at that moment in time perfect.
She hated this. The night had turned bad. She walked along the unfamiliar dark country road next to him. Their shoulders every now and then slightly touching as they walked on the uneven surface.
"I'll drive you to the train station tomorrow if you like!" He offered gallantly.
She turned.
"No, it's okay I'll get the bus or something." She knew enough of the area around his barracks that she could make her escape on her own.
"I'm sorry about this." He continued.
"Ain't your fault." She hated how uncomfortable and unpleasant the situation was.
They walked alongside in silence and she reflected how different a few day made things. Only two days ago they had left their luxury hotel. Happy and with plans, but tonight that had all changed.
He walked her to the door, and using Charles' key she let herself in.
"Well, if you're sure about tomorrow." He said trying to be the gentleman.
She shook her head.
"No, I'll be fine to sort myself out."
He said nothing more and started to walk away.
She called after him.
"Elvis. Mate. Thank you. I appreciate it."
He turned around looking at his best mate's girl looking so lonely standing in front of the bedroom door. He felt bad for her. He raised his hand in acknowledgment. #
"No problem Molly."
She let herself into Charles' bedroom. It was familiar but still strange to be there without him. This wasn't what they had planned.
They had agreed on spending their time together. They agreed they wouldn't go anywhere special but would just try to slot into each other's normal lives. His leg causing too many problems for flying, and her need to be back at home for a while, were all reasons why they had spent the last couple of days at his barracks exploring the countryside around and learning more about each other.
And that's what tonight was meant to be about.
A chance for Charles to introduce Molly to the friends he had made, to the people that on a social and personal basis were important to him. For them to start showing the world what they meant to each other, showing everyone, they were a couple.
That had been the plan. And it had started well. A night with his friends at his local.
As soon as she walked into the pub she knew that this was a fun place to be. Full of noise and excitement, people taking the piss out of him, and others. She instantly felt at home. She felt welcomed. She joined in with the teasing. She took the teasing too. Especially from Elvis. Charles' larger than life best mate. Elvis, previous best man and godfather to Sam . He was Charles' right-hand man and she knew he was so important to him.
She was surprised though at how these two were friends. More importantly she was surprised at how easy it was to be Elvis' friend and the night was fun.
She loved the night right up to the telephone call. The telephone call that changed everything. He apologised still smiling when he saw the number telling her he had to take it; but as soon as he listened she saw his face change.
"I'm sorry Molly." He rushed out. "It's Sam. He's fallen down the stairs... think he's broken his arm. He's in a lot of pain." The anguish and agony on Charles' face was obvious. "I have to go. He wants his Dad." He added with a touch of pride.
"Go." She told him. "Go. Don't worry." And she watched him frantically searching around for his keys and coat.
"I'll take you back to mine." He offered. "First."
"No." She said and it even surprised her. She knew his urgent journey would take him in the opposite direction. "I'll get a taxi or walk." She added.
"No, I'll get Elvis to take you home." He insisted as he bent down and pulled her in, kissing her softly goodbye. "I'm so sorry Molly." He added.
"It's ok. Honest." She falsely reassured him. "Go. Sam needs you."
And without another word to her, but a warning one to Elvis, he went. And so, she was left alone with a bunch of his friends that she was getting to know, but without him it all seemed wrong. Elvis came to her side and rescued her. She stayed several more hours with them. Trying. Proving to them she wasn't weak enough to have to depend on Charles. That she could manage without him, she could hold her own but eventually Elvis took pity on her and walked her home. Rescued her and delivered her safely to Charles' quarters door.
Before tonight his rooms had seemed cosy, and just right, but now as she stood there alone, without him there they seemed sterile and too big.
An en-suit room with a small sitting area, a study area and a double bed. Just right for the two of them to hide away together for a few days. That had been their plan and it had worked right up until it hadn't.
Although Molly was sad and disappointed to be alone she also felt a mixture of pride and confusion. She'd never had a father who had cared so much. Who would have dropped his own fun for the sake of her needs, and watching how Charles did that for Sam, made her proud. Happy that she had chosen some one who was emotionally a million miles away from that of a father she loved, but didn't respect, or at times even like.
Yet it confused her too. It scared her. Knowing he wasn't just hers. That he was someone's Dad. Someone's ex-husband, who had a bond with him that she didn't. That others had a much greater claim to him and his time than her.
Sitting alone in his room. Surrounded by his life, a life so different to hers, she started to wonder if the time ever came would she be able to compete with it all.
She started to feel sad and very lonely. The several gins that Elvis had bought her were wearing off and making her low. Snuggling down under his duvet, still fully clothed, a few tears escaped from her eyes. Conflicted at how she felt about him doing the right thing for his child, while not doing the right thing for them.
It wasn't the first time she realised it, but it was the hardest and loneliest time that she had. A relationship with Charles was not going to be as easy as she, they, had hoped. Too much baggage, and for Molly it seemed as though this was her very first proper grown up relationship and she had no idea what to do.
Her phone rang and snapped her out of her wallowing. It was that time of the day, late at night or early in the morning, when everything looked bleak.
"Hey!" He asked softly as soon as she answered. "Did I wake you?"
"No." She answered truthfully. "Was awake. You ok? Sam ok?"
"Yes fine." He sighed. "Elvis get you back in one piece?" He questioned.
"I'm fine. Don't worry." She sat up to talk. "How's Sam? What happened?"
"He's ok now. Bit of a mess though. Fell down the stairs and broke his arm in two places. Hurts a lot."
"Oh, poor little bugger." Molly sympathised. "Got a pot on?"
"Yeah. A fancy bright green one. His pick." He laughed. "God Molly he was so scared. He just wanted his Dad. You understand. I had to go."
"Of course he did, and of course I do." She nodded as she spoke. "Is his pain better now?"
"Think so. After a hot chocolate and a bribe of a new PS game, I think he's fallen asleep." He sounded so tired himself. "I'll check on him in a bit."
"What he's at your parents?" She asked shocked that Rebecca had let her injured son out of her sight.
"Err, no." Charles sounded guilty; hesitantly he went on. "No, I'm stopping over here."
"Where?" She asked confused. Then it dawned on her.
"At Rebecca's for the night." He said painfully slowly. Waiting for the explosion that could follow. "Just seemed sensible. And Sam wanted me to."
"Oh." Was all she offered. Hurt and worried he was spending a night under the same roof as his ex.
"Just the one night. You know I'd come back to you if I could. I need to be here to take Sam to the hospital tomorrow too."
"Ok." She was queen of the short replies.
"I'll be sleeping in the spare room Molly." He added. "I'll come back up there by teatime….. at the latest." His guilt was palpable.
"It's ok." She maturely said. "Besides thought I'd head back home to my camp tomorrow. You know catch up on things and stuff." A self-preservation lie just slipped out.
"That's not what we had planned." He said back, the hurt evident in his voice.
"No, it's not but think it's for the best" She answered.
"Thought you were staying until after the weekend." He continued. "That we were going to spend a few days at mine, before I head back to my folks?"
"Yeah. That's what we had planned." She said sadly. "But think it's best I go tomorrow."
"Why Molly?" Although he knew why. "Because I will be back tomorrow. Supper time by the latest. Promise."
"No don't. Charles." She said sharply. She was feeling guilty.
Guilty she was pulling him away from a little boy who needed his Daddy, and guilty that she had this sliver of doubt popping into her head when she heard he was sleeping over at Rebecca's.
"Sam needs his Dad." She said simply. "Stay with him. We'll catch up later."
"Molly please." He begged but she didn't let him go on
"Look Charles it's late. You must be knackered, I know I am. It's fine. Honestly. We'll talk tomorrow some time."
"Molly." He began.
"Charles... don't..." She said with finality. "Night." And she ended the call.
She turned off the light and pulled the duvet over her head, fully hating at how selfish she felt, but realising that she felt abandoned by him too. She felt she was in second place and competing against a kid. It made her feel the lowest of the low and she didn't like feeling like this.
She wallowed in self pity for hours before sleep finally came. Only a brief smile had crossed her lips though before she drifted off in response to a text he'd sent hours after she had ended their call.
'Sleep tight Molly. Love you and miss you. I'm sorry. Don't give up on me, on us please. C x'
It was typical of what she knew of him. Even though she was the unreasonable one this time it was Charles that was trying to fix this. Fix them, and that made her even more unhappy than she was before.