I have to give thanks to Debbie. If it wasn't for her I doubt I would have continued with this story. Plus she has found my two missing chapters!

Waking Up

Chapter 7

Her mum just looked at her warily.

She knew there was something up with her eldest. Her turning up several days early to visit was the first sign, but the way Molly chewed her nails and worried her lips were also signs.

Still Belinda at this stage said nothing. She just kept making the cup of tea and sandwiches as promised.

They silently moved into the dining area. For once Dave was out and they had the place to themselves as it was a school day. It was peaceful.

"It's really great to see you." Belinda began setting down the sandwiches and arranging the cups of tea in front of them, in order of preferences. "Thought you weren't coming until next week?" She grimaced as she asked the question, knowing that it potentially was going to open up a can of worms. An end to the peace.

Molly just took a big drink of her tea and fingered the crust of the white sandwich which sat in front of her. Briefly thinking back to the fancy sandwiches made by the hotel Charles had taken her to only five days ago. Remembering how her Mum's sandwiches always used to be the best when she was a kid. Always made with two slices of cheap white bread, with a bit of luncheon meat slapped in the middle. Nothing exciting, but Molly always felt that they were like Ambrosia, because whenever her Mum made her sandwiches, and a cup of tea, it meant that she had her Mum's attention, and it was time to talk.

"Just thought I would come." Molly mumbled.

Belinda took a bite, chewed slowly and then a drink, and then another bite, waiting for her daughter to open up. Half knowing that perhaps this time she wasn't going to. You never knew with Molly.

"So, you seem good; are you seeing Charles again soon?" Knowing that she finally had to asked the million dollar question.

Molly nodded her head.

"Yeah. I guess so."

Despite herself Belinda laughed sarcastically.

"Bloody hell Molly. Don't sound too enthusiastic. Last time you came home he was the best thing since sliced bread." She then said soberly. "Now you hardly seems arsed."

Molly snapped her head up, breaking her day-dreaming.

"I guess that's because he was." She continued when she saw the look on Belinda's face and the small "oh" that came from her mouth.

"Better than sliced bread I mean...that is to say he is." She corrected herself as she slammed down the mug of tea down on the table unintentionally. "Shit Mum should it be this bloody hard?"

"You've got it bad ain't you Mols?" Belinda meant it more of a statement than a question.

Molly just nodded sadly. The tears starting to burn her eyes finally fell, and she blended them away with her sleeve.

"Yes. I have."

Her mother munched on the sandwich for a bit longer and then asked.

"So, come on then what's going on? What happened in this lover's paradise."

"He's got a kid!" Molly said.

"Well, you knew that!" Belinda said confused. "Didn't you?"

"Yes I know, but... he's...got... a...kid." Molly punctuated the words. "I mean like he's a dad. I mean like he's a proper dad and all that. Not the shit excuse mine is. He is there for him. For his son."

Belinda wisely didn't defend her husband, knowing that sometimes his actions were actually indefensible.

Instead, she said.

"Well, that's good then isn't it? Shows what type of fella he is."

Molly took a bite of the sandwich stalling for time.

"Yes it is." She said slowly. "It's great. I mean he really seems to be a great dad and that. It's just...what about us? About me?" And as soon as the words came out of her mouth Molly felt ashamed.

"Bloody hell Mols what's happened?"

She shook her head.

"Nothing. It's just that Sam broke his arm, poor bugger." Molly watched the look of concern cross her mother's face. So, she rushed on. "I mean he's absolutely fine, it just meant that Charles had to rush over to see him...and left me there with his mates... all alone."

"What did he just walk out on you? Not tell you or something? I mean didn't he tell you what was happening?"

Molly knew it sounded pathetic and needed to defend Charles.

"God no. He did all of that; offered to drive me back to his. Wanted to come and see me the next day. Kept texting me, telephoned me and kept me up-to-date with what was happening it's just..."

It was then suddenly a little bit too much for Molly and that's when it really hit her.

"Mum I think I'm jealous. I'm bleeding jealous of a six-year-old kid. Of a six-year-old who fell down the stairs and broke his arm. In two places and asked for his Daddy; so, his Daddy went running."

Belinda reached round the corner of the table, picked up some toilet roll that was sitting on the side and handed it to Molly to blow her nose and wipe her eyes.

"Jealous. Jealous of his kid." She sniffed on. "A kid I've never even met. And all I can think of when I do meet him how much competition he'll be. Competition for Charles' attention, his time, and his love."

"I guess that's kind of natural." Her mother said cautiously. "But even if you shacked up with one of the fellas round here, most would have kids too. Now a days that just something you have to contend with. Everyone's got a history."

Molly dipped her head into her hands.

"God I know that Mum, and it's not the fact that he has a kid. It's a fact that he has a kid. As in not just a rare weekend, every now and then, and the odd weeks holiday in Skegness. Charles really has this kid. As in every other weekend. Sometimes after school. Rugby matches. Parents evening. He's does it all."

"Do you love him?" Belinda asked. To her it was quite simple.

Molly snorted loudly with disgust.

"Mum I ain't even met him yet. Charles hasn't even hinted about me meeting Sam."

Belinda finished her sandwich and tea, picked them up and walked towards the kitchen. Molly instinctively following her.

"No, you daft cow. I meant Charles. Do you love him?"

Molly didn't even need to consider her answer.

"Course I do. More than I thought could be possible." She said gently and a missing smile graced her face

"Well then... there's your answer to it."

"What do you mean?" Molly asked Belinda turning as she put her plate in the sink.

"Look Mols, no one can say your dad would win best dad of the year. No one can say that he hasn't made my life hell over the years. But at the end of the day, I've put up with it because I love him. I've put up with not having new dresses, not having nice furniture, not going away on holiday, and I've done it all so I can keep us together as a family... because I love him and I love you lot. If you love Charles, and he loves you, he will make time for you, and for Sam... and you'll work it out."

A watery smile remained on Molly's face and she nodded.

"Mind you young lady." Her mother continued, sounding so much like her Nan at this stage. "If you ain't serious then you need to get out now. If he's somebody that you just want to cop off with for a while then you gotta get out now before you meet a kid. Before you start getting involved in his life."

"I do want it. I want it all, but what if I'm not what Charles thinks I am? We come from different worlds Mum. What after all this I can't fit into his world? Fit in with his life?"

"Mols. That's something you have to work out yourself. The only person I see here who's questioning this relationship is you." Belinda sighed, pinching a couple of chocolate biscuits from the cupboard.

"Do you know Molly." She said through a mouthful of crumbs. "The only person that seems to be doubting themselves in this is you. You've never thought that you were good enough, but you are. Just look at what you've achieved. You might come from different worlds, but that means nothing." Belinda stroked her daughter's hair. "Start believing in yourself Mols just like everybody else does. Just like you used to."

Molly didn't need to say anything. Her mother had imparted her wisdom and then had departed. But she left behind a very pensive Molly. She knew she had to think about this. She knew that what she was getting into with Charles, both professionally and emotionally, was something way beyond anything she had ever experienced before.

She knew she fancied him. Almost certain that she really loved him, but she wondered if that was enough. Whether or not it could be enough. The stakes in this relationship, her first real one, were high. This wasn't just her and Charles' life she could mess up, but Sam's as well. That scared her.

"Sorry did I wake you?" They were the first words he said as she picked her phone up. She had just been lying on the lower bunk in her childhood bedroom all alone.

Bells had gone out for the night, and as she had so ladylike stated, she was wearing her best knickers and her pulling dress, so Molly wasn't expecting her back.

"No not really." Molly said quietly, unsure how this conversation was going to go. They hadn't been in contact very much over the past couple of days.

It wasn't that Charles hadn't tried. He tried many times. For quite a few of those times she had just dropped his calls, ignored them, or replied with a text saying she was busy catching up with friends. Each and every time they had been lies.

She just didn't know how to start their conversations again. However, she knew she couldn't avoid him forever. She didn't want to either and but the last couple of times she had spoken to him the conversations they had had been brief stilted ones. She knew she was hurting him and she knew she was hurting herself, but she just didn't know how to take it away and how to move forward.

"So still at your Mum's?" Charles asked. He hated that he didn't know where she was or what she was doing. Not that he was keeping an eye on her, nor that he needed control, he just wish that the last few days of leave that they had they could at least have together.

"Yeah." She said. "Told you I was going to be." Then she wondered. "Didn't I?"

"No. Well yes... not really." He answered. "Everything good there then?" He was struggling, really struggling, trying to make conversation. The distance was great, not just physically but emotionally too.

"So, what you been up to?" She asked. Knowing that she needed to lead the conversation.

"Nothing much. Popped across to see Sam this afternoon just to make sure everything is alright." He heard her murmur her interest and so he continued. "He's great. Loving the attention, the bright green pot is giving him. All's well and he going back at school now."

"That's good to hear." She said

"Molly..." He began

"Charles ..." She said almost at the same time.

Then she stopped.

"No sorry you go first." She said.

He was embarrassed. He knew he was sounding desperate; he knew he asked this question each and every time in his mind but it never had been voiced it out aloud. "When do you think we can see each other again?"

"I don't know." Was all she simply said. "Not too sure."

"When are you heading back?" He asked greatly hoping to sound a little bit enthusiastic, a little bit more upbeat.

"Think I might head back tomorrow." She said giving him a grain of hope.

"I could come and get you!" He said very quickly, his need to see her was intense.

"You don't have to do that." She said immediately. "I can make my own way back. It's a long way for you to drive."

"I don't mind. Honestly." He said. "Well, it's just that..."

And then he asked the question that he had not wanted to ask, never thought he'd be asking Molly. He asked quietly, gently.

"Are we okay?"

She drew in a big deep breath. She was unsure what to tell him. Unsure to admit to her feelings. Unsure how to transmitted to him how scared she was.

"I just don't know?" The truth was out of her mouth before she had time to consider it, and she heard the sharp intake of his breath and realised just how much she had shocked him by saying the words. "I mean. Well, that is. I just think that we need to talk."

He hadn't expected that.

He knew she was young. He knew that after Smurf, after all that had gone on she was delicate, fragile, but he thought they had moved forwards through it all together. They had talked, written letters, spent hours on Skype in the late dark hours of the night when one can be vulnerable without being scared about one's vulnerability. He thought they had covered this and he thought that they had something. He thought that after all they had been though, had seen, had suffered, they were still going to make it.

"What can I do?" He asked. Because there was just about anything he would do to try to make this right between them. Unsure where things went wrong but knowing that they had. "I mean is it something I've done?"

"No, it ain't." She said sadly. "It's me. I told you I fuck everything up. I don't do perfect."

"Well, we are far from perfect at the moment Molly." He shot out.

She nodded silently into the phone. "I think I just need a few days Charles. Get my nut around things. A lot's gone on."

Charles agreed and continued to listen.

"I mean coming back, you, me, Smurf, everything... new job. I think I just need to get it all sorted and then maybe...!"

Charles jumped on the maybe.

"Maybe? Maybe what?"

"Then maybe we could meet. You know have a chat."

"Why does this all sound like it's not good news?" He said. "Why does it sound like you're ending things?"

"I don't know?" She said gently

"What? Molly you don't know if you're ending it, or you don't know why it sounds like that?"

"I don't know." Was all she said again.

He sat back in the armchair that occupied his room drumming his fingers on the rest. Unsure how to continue this conversation.

Not too long ago he'd lost his marriage in a conversation similar to this. Yet at that time he had no fight in him because he didn't want what he was losing. All involved knew that the marriage was over, and so it didn't bother him. But hearing Molly have doubts about them was ripping his heart out. Despite that he was unsure what to, how to deal with it all, how to respond. All he knew was that he was head over heels in love with Molly, and he seemed to be on the brink of losing her.

He didn't know whether or not this is a good idea. Yet he needed something to do. It had been over three weeks since he had seen her, or even spoken to her. They had shared a few texts but that was all since her admission. Her statement that she needed space. He still had so much to tell her though but couldn't. He respected her wishes And so he had said 'yes' without too much thought. Knowing his days needed to be filled with something other than the gym, physios sessions and thinking about Molly...thinking about how it all was going wrong.

So, he'd take the offer of a desk job. Temporary posting, they had said; until he got stronger. Closer to her base than before. Closer to his old section once again. He just needed something. That was why he said yes, and it felt good to be wanted by someone again.

It started off well. Faces pleased to see him. Rejoicing in his return, and even stumbling accidentally upon his old section resulting in them inviting him out for a drink.

He was torn about accepting, and torn too about saying no. Fearful that Molly was going to be there. Fearful that she wasn't going to be there. Unsure how it would be meeting with her in public when they had so much to discuss in private. Still, he couldn't resist and took the chance.

He was late in arriving. He knew he always seemed to be these days. Tardiness was a trait he usually disliked, yet his leg, the extra effort that he had to put into everything sometimes made him slower than he would dare to admit. He wasn't sleeping well at night either, tossing and turning, constantly playing with his phone hoping that that would be the night that she would text or call. And so apart from being just late, he felt exhausted and looked drawn. His limp more pronounced.

He walked into the noisy bar and immediately saw them. He heard them at exactly the same time. His old section still loud, happy and it made him gladder than he thought it would. Happy these boys had bounced back from all they had gone through. That the loss of Smurf would always be with them, and so they still appreciated the good times in life even more.

He smiled as he got closer to the crowd. He could hear Fingers waxing lyrical and Dangles egging him on. He saw Brains with his back to him, his arm wrapped around somebody who he couldn't quite determine who it was.

And then Charles' feet stopped. He heard her laugh. He saw her loose hair swing around as she turned watching him approach. She stepped from under Brain's arm and smiled. He saw this as encouragement.

His feet now carried on forward. Cheers of greetings and reconnections rang out loud. They were his friends. All on an equal footing for tonight. Shoulders were patted, hugs were given, piss was taken. Charles found himself embraced by the group. It made him feel good, it made him feel happy. Occasionally he caught Molly's eye, and when he did he saw something that he'd never seen from her before.

It wasn't too long before they started to gravitate to one another. Yet it still seemed impossible, until skilfully she moved herself closer to him. She let out a gentle giggle as some of the boys loudly commented on her moving closer to him.

He felt like he owed her explanation.

"I didn't know you were going to be here." He said with honesty and a touch of fear.

"I know!" She said. "Brians told me though that you were coming."

"So, you knew I was coming?" He was confused.

She smiled weakly. Stepping closer; a little bit closer than was decent or expected in this company, but he wasn't objecting.

"I knew." She said.

"So how have you been?" He went for the polite conversation opener.

"Sad, lonely, feeling pretty bloody stupid!" She said biting her lip and staring into his eyes. "I'm sorry Charles."

He caught her hand. There was enough of a crowd around them for that small movement not to be noticed. He expected her to pull away not wanting their relationship being broadcasted, and not wanting to reciprocate the gesture. Yet she didn't. Instead, she stepped in further to him.

"I didn't mean to cut you out. I just needed to do some thinking."

He raised his eyes at her and saw how she watched him in earnest.

"And so have you?"

She nodded with a degree of uncertainty.

He blew out a large breath and unsure whether or not this was the right time or place, but he was taking any opportunity she was giving him.

"Do I even want to know?" He asked rearing up against the bar side. "What's been going on Molly?"

"It's all been so messed up in my head." She confessed.

He just nodded at this, as he didn't know what else he could say.

"So how have you been?" She asked, as there was little conversation from him.

"Sad, lonely, feeling pretty bloody stupid!" He said mirroring her words.

She nodded in understanding but flashed an angry look at him. He thought it was a cruel trick; using her words back on her, but at this moment in time he was utterly and totally confused and he didn't really care. His defences had been down. He'd opened up his heart to her, and now he just didn't know where he stood.

She pulled her hand away from his sharply and turned away from him. Whether on purpose or by accident he never knew, as the crowd swallowed her instantly before he had the chance to say anything else.

He stayed by the bar drinking and wondering when exactly the turning point had happened. When did Charles and Molly start to fall apart; and why?

They skilfully avoided each other for the rest of the night. The lads holding their attention and company separately. It wasn't until later at the end of the night he watched her again approaching him. Noticing her as soon as she moved in his direction for he had been watching her closely most of the night, and every now and again caught her staring back. Yet still no more words had been said between them.

Here she now wobbled her way towards him. He could tell she was unsteady mainly due to her high heels, but also maybe, due to the amount of drink she had consumed. Attempting to keep up with lads as she continually tried to prove she was one of them. That made him sad. That she still doubted herself. That she still had doubts about her place in this group and her worth.

As she approached he saw her slightly glassy eyed and the smile that transformed her face.

"Hello sailor!" She giggled harshly. "I mean soldier!"

Charles gave a weak smile, knowing instantly that he wasn't going to enjoy seeing her like this. She wasn't a happy drunk, tonight she appeared to be slightly aggressive, a little bit beyond control. He'd never seen Molly like this before, and in truth had only seen her once or twice happily tipsy.

"So, what do you reckon?" She said coming up very close to him. A touch of threat in her intention. Leaving very little to the imagination of the rest of the lads who were watching her antics. "You and I..." She poked his chest with a drunken pointed index finger. "You and I getting out of here?"

He grimaced. Still trying to maintain his dignity as well as Molly's. But she only saw that as agreement. She stood up on tiptoes and slowly linked her arms around his shoulders, attempting to pull his head down for a kiss.

"Come on Charles." Her volume was loud. "Reckon we should get out of here?"

Politely he moved. Quite aware of the hoots and whistles from the rest of two section who had witnessed her move on him. He was fairly certain they had an understanding of their feelings, but this wasn't the way he wanted it to be declared. He smiled tightly trying to convey his feelings.

"I don't think so. I think you're a bit drunk."

She giggled.

"To right I am fella." And then licking her lips she said. "And you wanna see what tricks I can pull when I am."

Charles didn't like it. Didn't like that Molly had to have so much alcohol inside her before she could come back and talk to him again.

He struggle for something to say. Knowing that he wanted to look after her; save her dignity. Still though there were shards of anger shooting through his decision process.

"Come on Charlie boy. Let's go back to yours and have a good time." Her words were not said quietly and the boys picked up on them and further applauded.

Molly giggled then watched Brains move to bring her a glass of water. She waved him away with a flap of a hand.

"No darling." She shouted at him. "He's a sure bet. Ain't you Charles?"

Charles couldn't stand this. Mouthing his goodbyes to the rest of their friends he grabbed the upper part of Molly's arms, a little bit harder than intended, to steady her.

"This isn't how it works Molly." He said sadly. "I want to talk. But when you're sober, and I'm not your bloody booty call.

She looked up at him. Unable to read his face. His eyes were dark. His jaw tight and firm.

"I thought this was what you wanted."

He turned her as he started to walk them towards the door, whispering low in her ear.

"I want you. I want us, and I want whatever this is that's going on between us to be sorted out." He sighed. "But firstly, I need you to have a clear head so we can do that."

Molly looked at him with startling surprise eyes.

"I do not want to do this when you're drunk." He said kinder.

His words somehow seemed to chill her, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"What do you mean?" She asked meekly.

"Where are you staying?" He ignored her question.

"On one of the lads bedrooms floors. Whichever one doesn't pull." She replied.

They both turned to watch the group of young men and chuckled simultaneously. The lads were all completely devoid of female company. They were all going home lonely tonight.

"Reckon that could be any of them." Molly said wisely. Starting to sober up. Realising that offering herself was not what Charles had expected from her tonight. Realising that he wanted more from her.

"Let's get out of here." He said. "Come back to mine. Sober up, and then if you still want to we can have that talk in the morning?"

His words were soft and gentle now, the grip to her arm had relaxed and was more protective.

She felt right in his arms again. Safe and content, and surprised when she realised what she had done. What she had always done in past relationships. Ran away from the problem until fuelled by drink she offered her body as the solution.

She felt instant regret. She was worth more than that now, and she realised that Charles was too. That Charles wasn't just using her, he really loved her, for who she was. He wanted it all for them too. And so, another pang of shame rushed over her.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Charles had started to walk again to the door playing on his phone calling for a taxi.

The contrition and childlike voice made him stop. He looked at her, into her eyes, and saw they were filled with tears.

"I know." He said. And he really did. He realise that this was once her way. How she had done things in the past, how she thought she had to do things. He didn't want her to think like that anymore.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And then the tears started to fall down her face.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Shush. Come back to mine. Let's get you a cup of tea. A few paracetamols." She only just nodded as he guided her to the car park and into the waiting taxi. "It will be ok Molly. We'll be ok." He promised.

The car journey back to his wasn't too long but give her enough time to sink her head on to his shoulder. His arm pulling her to him closely she allowed her tears to fall again.

She felt loved. Simple basic but real love. Above and beyond what she had ever had before and she knew, finally that it was something worth fighting for. Praying that she hadn't fucked it all up. That Charles was willing to listen and to give her another chance.