Waking Up
Chapter 8
The first sound she heard was of her phone beeping and echoing around the room. The next sound she heard was of a low chuckle.
Eyes stayed firmly shut. She smiled. She knew it belonged to Charles.
She didn't move to grab her phone, to look at the message. She didn't want to break the happy slumber filled bubble she was still in. The memories of the night before came flooding back.
She smiled again.
She heard him chuckle again too, and then heard his movement as he made his way towards the bed she was cocooned in.
"Well, I reckon the secret is well and truly out of the bag." He said pausing to sit down on the edge of his bed and moved his hand to slowly pull the duvet away from her face. "The lads have made certain of that."
Molly immediately opened her eyes to see Charles sitting there looking at her. Not angry as she had half expected, not uptight, or upset. Just smiling tenderly at her.
"Morning." She said with a hint of caution as she moved to sit up.
"Morning." He said with a certain relief and lent forward and kissed the top of her head. "How are you feeling?"
She just rolled her eyes at him. Understanding his concern.
"Yeah. Felt better." She admitted. Pulling her hands through her tangled hair.
He nodded his head, knowing that half of her feeling not too special this morning was partly down to the alcohol she had consumed the night before, and also due to the contrition she felt.
On returning to his room last night, they hadn't really talked. But Molly had. She had talked and talked for them both. Couldn't be stopped. She had told him repeatedly how much she had loved him. Loved them, and how much she needed him, and that scared her. Really scared her.
Her drunken ramblings had little place for him to interrupt. Her arms around him, her kisses to his face made it hard to get her to stop, but eventually she did. Yet when it did he begged her that this conversation should happen when both of them had full sobriety. Eventually she had agreed, the will weak now in his company, and the alcohol making her sleepy. And so, with little complaint from either of them he had helped to undressed her, insisted she brushed her teeth, took her make-up off, and welcomed her into his bed where they tightly held each other and drifted off into an expectant sleep.
"What do you mean the cats out the bag now?" She looked up at him as she grabbed her telephone, as it beeped again.
"Look at WhatsApp!" He said as he moved away to fill the kettle and started to prepare her a cup of tea.
As instructed, she opened the WhatsApp icon on her phone and her face fell. She saw immediately that the 2 section, group chat had numerous comments in it. Most of them about her. About Charles. About her and Charles. They were the main topic. There were pictures too; of her kissing him; of his arms around her; and the final nail in the gossip coffin; her and Charles leaving together in the taxi.
There were plenty of comments for her to scroll through. Once she had she looked up at him.
"You okay with this?" She wondered waving her phone at him. Unsure if he was going to be angry or upset by some of the liberties the lads were taking around their relationship.
They hadn't announced it officially to anyone, unsure these past couple of weeks if there was anything to announce. She knew he was a private person and she wondered how this was potentially going to make him feel.
He walked towards her and put her tea down on the bedside cabinet. Stood frozen and confused by her question.
"Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked. "Are you?" He was suddenly full of doubt.
She nodded her head and smiled.
"I don't mind if you don't mind with all this out in the open. Bit of a relief actually."
"Molly I've wanted to shout this from the roof tops since we started." He began cautiously. "Just with you, our jobs and..."
She saw him hesitant.
"Smurf." She finished the sentence off and saw him nod briefly
"Yes... well just." He sat next to her and shuffled closer. "Wanted to give it time. You time. Make sure, you're sure." He said softly.
"You didn't think I was sure? You don't think I'm sure?" She burst out surprised. She'd known her actions lately could have led him to that assumption, and she felt slightly ashamed, slightly embarrassed that she has been so obvious as she watched him nod.
Almost in an act of self-defence he abruptly stood and moved away from her. She missed him instantly. His eyes pleaded with her silently. Willing her to speak.
She lowered her head to avoid his stares.
"I am." She said, amazed at the conviction she felt as she said the words. Knowing that despite all the difficulties she really was and regretted every single moment she had made him feel that she wasn't. "I really am. I love you."
Instantly his face broke out into a huge grin and within two strides he was over by her side again. Squatting down in front of her. Holding both of her hands.
"Me too."
She nodded and felt strangely emotional. Her heart suddenly full and committed to the right person for the very first time ever in her life.
"So, the question now is what next?" She teased. Hoping that he'd suggest a snuggle and some make up loving.
He stood. Instantly and she knew he was about to command her that the day was needing to start. His strict routine meant that even off duty he lived by it. Start as you mean to go on was his motto.
Therefore, she was amazed by what followed.
"I want you to meet Sam." He said suddenly.
"What?" Molly's eyes were wide with surprise. Totally unexpected.
"My son. Sam." Charles clarified. "I want you to meet him."
"I know who he is." She said with a dry mouth. "But why? I mean are you sure?"
"You don't want to meet him?" Charles stated to pace around his room avoiding eye contact. Hands tucked into his pockets.
"Yeah. Course I do." Molly sprang up. His back was to her, and she was unsure whether to touch him or not. "It's just. I don't know. I mean really. Why?
He turned. Appreciating the anxiety in her voice.
"Because he's, my son. Because I love him. Because I love you Molly."
"I don't know." She pressed herself to his chest. "I mean what if he doesn't like me."
"He will." Charles held her softly to him. "He will." He reassured her.
"I don't know..."
"Molly." He moved so he could watch her. Held her face gently in his arms. "Sam. He's part of my life. Just like you are. There's no choice here."
"I know." She tried to smile. "It just. What if he hates me?"
"Molly he's a six year only kid. Why would he hate you?"
"I don't know might be jealous." She shrugged. Pulling away and resettling into his chest again. "Might think it's a completion and that."
"He won't." Charles stroked her head. "And it isn't. You know that right?"
"Mmmmm." She knew that but she'd never express her own jealousies over having to share him with Sam.
When she didn't reply he continued.
"It's kind of a deal breaker Molly." He said with sadness. "You, me and Sam. There's no going forward without him."
"I know." And she did but hearing him say it so simply made her braver than she thought she would be, because she knew she had to be. "When?" She asked.
"Thought maybe weekend after next." He squeezed her tight. Happy. "Thought we could go swimming; leg should be fully sorted by then. Then maybe pizza somewhere?"
He felt her stiffen at his suggestion and she pulled away from him. Picking up her bag from last night. Pretending to be busy looking for something.
He stood still behind her. Confused, again. Feeling as though suddenly it was one step forward and two steps back.
"Molly?" He asked and held her shoulders so he could turn her to face him. She did willingly and slowly lifting her frightened face up to his, he asked. "What now?"
"Can't swim can I!" She admitted. "Never learnt."
"How? I meant what? I mean you're in the bloody Army Dawes!" He questioned her with bewilderment.
Molly shrugged her shoulders.
"Might have missed that test in basic didn't I!" She admitted with more and more shame. Unsure how he'd take the news. "Told them I was ill but could swim."
He drew in a sharp breath, controlling his temper. All the possibilities of what could have gone wrong in her career with that bit of false info on her file, but it didn't last long. Instead, he saw it as an opportunity.
He walked over to his draw and pulled out a load of pamphlets. Flicking through them all. She watched him intently and with curiosity, but silently.
"Right Dawes. You and me, tomorrow." He started with a happy but determined look as he waved the local Leisure Centre's timetable in front of her. "You and me tomorrow morning. 08.00hrs. We're going to the bloody pool and I'm going to teach you to swim!"
"Hello Sam." She cleared her throat.
"Hi Sam, my name is Molly." She shook her head. Tried again.
"Hi Sam. I'm Mols."
Molly groaned as she looked at herself in the mirror. No matter how she said it, whatever way she tried, and she had been practising all morning, she didn't seem to get it right.
However, it came out it just sounded wrong, and it couldn't sound wrong. This was important. A special meeting. Today was the day she'd meet Sam for the first time.
"I'm Molly." She said again brightly with a full smile plastered on her face. Knowing it was still wrong, but she didn't have too long to dwell as she heard a chuckle behind her.
Charles walked through the door with a big grin on his face.
"Were you just talking to yourself in front of that mirror Molly?" He asked dropping a small kiss on her nose.
She shook her head, feeling ashamed and started to fuss with a few more of the items for her overnight bag, not wanting to look him in the eye.
He wouldn't let it go and moved around to follow her.
"Molly?"
"Yes!" She looked up with him irritated and with a flash of anger and shame moving over her face.
"Were you practicing how to say hello to Sam?" He asked with a small chuckle.
"Might have been." She snapped and moved away from the mirror.
"Why?" He asked as he placed the hot bacon sandwiches down on the side. Stuffing his hands into his jeans pocket, shuffling his feet. Suddenly he felt as though he was lost.
"Cause I was." She mumbled as she continued to pack their bag and totally avoided his gaze. She knew though he was watching her. She felt his stare. "I ain't exactly great now am I at first impressions and that?"
Charles shook his head and looked to the heavens for help. She had this ability to feel lesser than her worth and he hated that.
Softly he moved behind her. She felt him and stood stiffly, her back still to his chest as he placed one hand around her waist and the other half slumped over her shoulders and chest. Possessively holding her, making her feel safe too.
"Don't. It will be fine. It will go ok." He whispered into her ear.
"How do you know?" He could feel the emotion in her voice.
"Because." Still holding her back to his chest. Tightening his hold on her. Refusing to let her go. "Because you're the person I want to share my secrets with, and because I hope I'm the person that you want to share your secrets with too."
He felt her head nod, so he continued.
"And because of that know I want to share everything in my life, and that includes Sam, with you. He loves me, and he'll see how happy you make me. That's how I know it's going to be ok."
Molly spun herself around. Her eyes full. Amazed that he could make the simplest sentences romantic, special and grounding. Just like before, when he had declared his heart to her in the tent in Afghanistan, here in her room he had done it again.
She stepped up onto her tip toes and kissed him softly on his worried lips.
"Thank you." She said. "For making it suddenly alright."
"So?" He pulled back from her slightly and stroked her loose hair from her face. "You're ok to do this?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "It's important. Sam's important. So yes. For you. For us."
"Good." He said curtly but with a happiness she recognised despite his attempts to hide his happiness. She knew he was trying not to linger on the point. "Right, so bacon sandwich and then we're good to go?"
Happily, she accepted the breakfast and rewarded him with a confident smile.
"We're good to go." She confirmed, and she really believed they were.
"Sam. Stop it." He barked out for the numerous times that day. His patience was wearing thin. "Say goodbye to Molly NOW and let's go."
Molly half tuned herself around in the front car seat and offered her best smile to Sam. Her head ached from his whining and the constant kicking of the back of her car seat he had been subjecting her to for the last hour and half.
"Bye." He said sullenly and jumped out the car.
Charles passed one of many apologetic looks at Molly and then jumped out and followed. Attempting to catch up with his son on the doorstep just as Rebecca opened the door.
Molly couldn't hear what was being said but knew the smug smile on Rebecca's face didn't need her to hear. It summed up their afternoon perfectly. In the game of scoring points, Molly wasn't doing too good.
It had been awful. Despite Charles' reassurances Sam didn't love her. Hell, he didn't even like her judging by the way he had behaved all afternoon.
From the very first moment he had met Molly he had behaved badly. Showing himself as a spoilt six-year-old.
He spent most of the time hiding behind his Daddy's leg and only spoke to Molly after numerous prompts, numerous times from Charles.
Everything Molly did or said was met with coldness and suspicion from Sam. They didn't hit it off. They weren't friends. She hadn't enjoyed herself. Nor had Sam.
The whole afternoon had been torture. From the first moment to the last.
Soon Charles jumped back into the car. His face was etched with concern as Rebecca stood on her doorstep watching. Just watching… alone. Sam had already ran into the house without saying goodbye to his Daddy. She knew that had hurt Charles too. It had intended to, and Rebecca knew that.
"Sorry about that." He said as he entered the car. His voice was drained.
"That's ok." Was all she quietly said. Unsure what else there was to say.
She knew Charles had hated the day too.
He turned the ignition of the car and pulled away rubbing his leg as he did so. She had noticed over the past couple of months of how it all seem to flareup when he was stressed.
She didn't ask where they were going. She'd expected that their plans hadn't changed even though they now no longer included Sam.
Originally, they had intended to stay the night with his parents. However Sam's attitude and bad behaviour, and his loud insistent demands that he wanted to return home, meant they had to return him back to Rebecca's. They had no choice.
They had quickly driven off his ex- wife's estate for a few minutes, in total silence and she expected that this was how it would be all the way, but suddenly he stopped the car and pulled over.
He turned and looked at.
"I'm just so sorry." He said as a parked the car and unclipped his seatbelt and turned to look at her fully. He grabbed her hands tightly in desperation. "I didn't think he'd behave like that. Ever."
Instantly Molly's heart melted. He had all the worries of the world on his shoulders. Worry for her. Worry for Sam. Worry for them.
"It's ok." She said. "It's to be expected I guess."
"I've never seen him like that before." Charles admitted still holding onto Molly's hand and gazing at her intensely. "I've never known him to be so rude, so uncooperative. So, naughty."
"He loves you." Was all Molly said stroking his shoulders.
"Yes, I know he does but I didn't expect him to behave like that. Why should he? He's never done it before."
Her eyebrows shot up looking at Charles.
"What you've introduced him to many of your girlfriends before. Have ya?"
"No!" Shocked but quietly he replied. "You're the first."
Molly smiled. It was reassuring for both him and her.
"Maybe that's what the problem is."
"What was?" Charles asked.
"I'm the first. That he's never met anyone in your life before."
"He knows Elvis. Other mates." Charles defended his son.
Molly snorted.
"They aren't exactly a threat though, are they?"
Charles looked at Molly confused.
"Look at it this way." She was struggling slightly to understand why Charles thought that this would be so easy. "Rebecca is his mum. And you're his dad. That's how it is. He doesn't want it to be any different. And you introduce him to someone else, maybe even at the age of six, makes them realise that's not how it's going to always be."
"Rebecca will always be his mum." Charles said aghast.
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant like you and Rebecca aren't going to be the happy family that perhaps he had known."
Charles shook his head.
"We were never a happy family. Me and Rebecca argued. A lot." Charles explained. "And that's why I can't understand it. That this is better for Sam. Me and Rebecca not being together. Thought he understood that."
"Charles why would he? He is six years old. He wants to be everything to his dad. Who he obviously loves. Adores. That was bleeding obvious today. He is frightened. He scared."
"Scared? Of what?"
"New stuff in his life. Of having to share you. Of losing you."
Charles pulled his hand away and locked them onto the wheel.
"That's ridiculous. That's never going to happen."
"You and I know that Charles." Molly said as she moved closer to stroke his cheek. "But when you're six maybe you just don't know that."
The silencing in the car was loud. She watched as Charles started to compute all that she had said and was hopeful that he would understand.
"I mean… " She asked. "Did you even talk about me to Sam before today."
"Yes, course I did. I told him he met you at the hospital."
She reached across and held him. Despite his role, his job, he still got things wrong at times.
"No, he didn't meet me in hospital Charles. He said 'hello' to me and then I was gone, and he was left alone, scared cause his Daddy was so ill."
Charles began to speak.
"I'm kind of guessing that every time you talk about me to him you've talked about the things that we've done, where we've been…. all little things what has happened in your life without him in it."
Charles just nodded.
She continued.
"You need to sit down with him. Explain to him that he is still your number one. Explain to him no one will replace his mum or you in his life."
"I just didn't think." Charles realising that perhaps his handling of this had been all wrong. "I was just looking forward to him meeting you. Wanted him to."
He shifted himself round to look at Molly.
"He just means the world to me. I just wanted the people that I loved to be friends."
Molly smiled him. She never could get enough of hearing him say that he loved her.
"We will. I promise. It will be better next time."
Charles leaned back in the chair.
"Next time?" He asked. "You willing to do that again?"
She shook her head in wonder, leaning close and pecked him on the lips. Pulling only slightly backwards she said softly.
"You said it yourself. It's important. I need to know Sam. He needs to know me. We need to develop our friendship. But yeah, course I'm willing to try again. You love him."
His forehead touched hers holding both sides of her face.
"It didn't bother you at all today?" He asked.
She shook her head.
"No. Well yes, but no, but it don't matter. Cause I know it will be ok."
He sighed at her optimistic words but said no more.
She saw the doubt on his face and needed to reassure him.
"You see he's a James, ain't he? Just like his dad. And I won you over with my charm and magnetism. Didn't I? Well eventually!"
She was at this point rewarded with a smile from Charles, so embolden she went on.
"So, I'll win Sam over too. Though it might gonna take a few more goes than it did with his dad!"
Finally, laughter caught him.
"I just don't know what I have done to deserve you." He dipped his head down and kissed her. Briefly.
However before her lips were consumed by his she managed to whisper back.
"Me either."