For a few terrible, choking moments, Sakurako can do nothing but rub furiously at her eyes in a doomed attempt to smother out the tears while her breath escapes her in little whimpers. Shivering, she turns away from the place where Himawari had said her hurting words and starts wandering towards the school. Every few steps, a fresh tear streaks down her cheek and she swipes at it with her sleeve, her arm shaking. Every bit of her wants to turn back around and head home, but something keeps pushing her forwards.
Maybe it was a joke? No...Sakurako's head starts to ache as an empty, twisting sensation forms in the pit of her stomach.
She was so mad, but maybe...maybe she'll get over it? Sakurako squeezes her eyes closed as a fresh stream of tears start to flow.
Over what?
Over...me...?
She hears her footsteps below her and supposes she must still walking onwards. She wipes at her face with both sleeves, hoping again to smother out the tears as the hurt aches itself up from her stomach to her chest. She breaks out into a run.
What did I do?
She pushes herself faster, faster, her footsteps a faint, muffled thumping barely audible under the sound of the wind in her ears as it flows through her hair, throwing it back over her shoulders.
Why don't I know? Am I really just too stupid...too stupid to even know what I did wrong?
She should tell me what I did wrong...if she doesn't, how will I know?A tiny spark of anger flicks up in her, but she snuffs it out.
If I don't know...
She blasts around a corner, the school in sight. One straight shot, one long line, something simple, something easy, something she knows she can do, and do well. She speeds up, gaining momentum, ducking left and right to dodge students in her path.
If I don't know what I did wrong, and Himawari won't tell me...
She shoots past the pillars at the school gates, blasting her way through the crowd between the gates and the front doors, the shoe lockers waiting just beyond. She knows she's still crying, but if she can just bury her face while she changes shoes, then maybe that will give her a bit of time.
Himawari's slow, so she won't be here for a bit. This way, maybe she won't see. She already saw but...she won't see that I'm still...
Sakurako stops at her shoe locker, absorbing the momentum of her charge into the sides of her feet as she slides a full meter, her shoes squeaking loudly in the entryway. She blinks twice and leaps to her locker, scrunching down in an attempt to hide her face while she switches out her shoes.
"Um...Sakurako-chan?" Akaza Akari, Sakurako's classmate, calls to her in a soft voice from Sakurako's right. Sakurako starts to look up but quickly jams her face back down, facing the ground.
"Em... good morning, Akari-chan! Lovely... weather..." she stifles a sob by slamming her arm across her face.
"Sakurako-chan! Um, do you...let's go to the bathroom together!" Akari says brightly, but Sakurako looks over, confused.
"...I don't have to go though..." Sakurako cocks her head at Akari, who blinks and holds her hands up to her sides, her hands making little clenching motions. Wait...Sakurako thinks, oh, maybe she needs help? Sakurako wipes her eyes again and stands up. Well I'm not like some people. I know how to be there for a friend in need!
"Don't worry, Akari-chan. Let's go talk it out!" Sakurako takes Akari by the hand and leads her off to the bathroom. This is good. Maybe if I help her, I'll feel better about... Sakurako chokes back new tears and swipes at her face vigorously with her sleeve.
In the bathroom, Sakurako flips around on her heels and takes Akari's other hand.
"Ok Akari-chan, go ahead! Tell me what probl-...the...g-great S-Sakurako-samahhhhh-" Sakurako's eyes clench, her grip on Akari's hands tightening as her whole body starts crumpling up. Tears begin flooding out from her eyes and down her twisted-up face, her knees shaking. No...no, Akari needs help, this isn't about me, I have to stop, for her sake!
"Sakurako-chan!?" Akari weakly tries to pull her hands away from Sakurako for a second before Sakurako releases her. Her hands free, Akari gingerly reaches out and takes Sakurako lightly in a partial-embrace. Sakurako doesn't move for a moment, then wraps her trembling arms around Akari and squeezes her tight.
"I'm s-sorry, Akari-chan, I want to help bu-b-but-" Sakurako buries her head in Akari's shoulder and bawls, her cries echoing in the empty bathroom.
"It's ok," Akari says softly, gently patting the back of Sakurako's head with one hand and rubbing her shoulder with the other. "It's all going to be ok." Sakurako continues sobbing for a few minutes before the tears subside and her breathing steadies itself, a hollow feeling spreading through her chest.
"I think I'm ok now," Sakurako whispers in a tiny voice before wiping her face one last time and stepping out of the embrace. She grins weakly, moving her hands up to Akari's shoulders and patting them loudly.
"Ok, Akari-chan, I think I'm ready to help! So, what's got you down?" She asks Akari in a boisterous, cracking shout.
"I...uh...what?" Akari blinks, then giggles. "Um, Sakurako-chan, actually..."
"Huh?" Sakurako cocks her head, then closes her eyes and sighs. "Akari-chan, did you already forget what you were sad about? Ah well..." Sakurako takes one of Akari's hands and gives it a quick squeeze before letting it go and heading to the bathroom door. "I guess all's well that ends well, right? C'mon, let's get to class!" Sakurako bursts out of the bathroom and takes a few bounding leaps away before turning around, waiting for Akari to follow.
I guess this works out, Sakurako thinks to herself with a small, wobbly smile. I wish I hadn't distracted her by crying, but if it helped her forget about whatever was troubling her, then it's all good in the end. Akari appears as the bathroom door opens, looking about in a daze but spotting Sakurako quickly and heading over with a smile. Sakurako feels a gentle warmth flit through her as Akari approaches. She looks a little out of it, but not sad at least!
As the two make their way to class, a building tension starts worming its way through Sakurako. I beat her here...but she's still coming. A flash of Himawari's smiling face passes through Sakurako's mind and she feels a tugging pain, her heart skipping a beat, but then she remembers Himawari's words, her voice echoing through Sakurako's being: 'I'm done. With you.' Her throat tightens and a chill runs through her, a gnawing worry that she'll burst into tears setting in, but her eyes seem spent for the moment.
The worry ebbs the slightest bit and replaces itself with a cracking, growing nothingness, like the spiderweb cracks arching out from a hole punched through a glass windshield. Every step she takes feels light, but she doesn't want to get where she's going.
I can't run...
I can't run back...
I can't run back to where we were...
She makes it to her class in a fog and slides into her seat. After an eternity of staring, feeling the glass-cracks spreading through her, she hears her puffy-pink-haired classmate Yoshikawa Chinatsu calling out behind her..
"Good morning Himawari-chan!" Chinatsu says cheerily, and Sakurako hears footsteps pass behind her as Himawari heads to her seat.
"Good morning, Yoshikawa-san," Himawari says, her voice slightly hoarse. Akari calls out to her next, her voice bright but uneven.
"Good morning, Himawari-chan! Oh, did you make something? Em...sorry, Akari didn't mean to assume, but your treats are always so tasty," Akari laughs nervously. Sakurako's whole body seems frozen stiff, a trembling tightness reverberating through her limbs as she sits, afraid to move, unwilling to turn around.
If I see her...
If I turn around and things aren't ok...
She chokes back a whimper and starts psyching herself up. It's ok...she was just mad because I was bugging her too much, that's all. I'll just say something and make her the other kind of mad, the not-really mad mad, then we'll be ok. We can be ok...
She turns around in her seat to face Himawari, her mouth partly open as she starts to call out Himawari's name, but the sound dies in her throat. Akari and Chinatsu are gushing about the tart Himawari brought, but as Sakurako turns, Himawari turns to her as well and glares, her jaw clenched, her eyes cold and unblinking. Sakurako looks at her for a few seconds, her body trembling. She turns back around slowly. All the tension in her body seems to release at once, like the air out of a burst balloon.
We...we're not ok.
Wiping the wet corners of her eyes with a damp sleeve, she whimpers once and waits for the bell.