8: Romance with a Bang
It was with some enthusiasm that, a few days after meeting Valbona Luga, Pandora agreed that she might tag along on a SEWS group outing to Diagon Alley in the hope of spotting Rovena. Keen to stock up on supplies for a summer tea party which, the society's youngest members were insisting should be fancy dress, a number of Squibs including Pandora had volunteered to help Jeff go shopping. Dora, in need of a handful of items herself, had volunteered to apparate both Pandora and Valbona to London. For once Pandora was keen to see Rovena, or at least for Valbona to see her, because the young squib could think of little better than to have Rovena Luga out of Jeff's life.
As they stepped out into the cobbled street, Pandora soon began to notice her fellow shoppers seemed to be staring at her, and she reached sideways to tug discreetly at her grandmother's sleeve.
"Everybody's staring, Nana!" she mumbled, but Dora merely chuckled and agreed:
"I bet!"
"Dora! I draw my wand on you, yes?" Valbona suggested as a wizard in a tall pointed hat abandoned his examination of the window display of Flourish and Blotts to turn and stare at the trio. "They think us less strange and stop staring then!"
Dora laughed at this notion, though Pandora found herself quite glad to spot Jeff, a trio of SEWS members and Rovena stood outside of Madam Malkin's, and she was about to hurry over to them when she suddenly thought better of it. Coming to a halt she turned to glance round at Valbona, the girl raised a hand to point over at the little group, announcing:
"There she is! That's...that's Rovena there...the girl with the...with the burgundy cloak..."
Valbona Luga's gaze darted to look over at her long lost niece, and for a long moment she observed Rovena, oblivious as she laughed at something or other that Jeff was saying, clinging onto her boyfriend's arm with one hand...
Pandora looked from Valbona to Rovena, then back to Valbona again.
The half-giant slowly reached to press a hand across her mouth, her squinting eyes becoming abruptly watery.
"Oh!" she exclaimed after a moment, eyes widening at the sight before her, her voice abruptly high pitched. "Look! Look at...look at her! My little Rovena!" Face positively glowing with happiness, she turned to offer Dora a truly brilliant smile, her hand falling from her mouth so that she could clap her hands together in excitement as she gushed: "She is beautiful!"
"She certainly is!" Dora agreed cheerfully, only to wince a little when, to the utter bemusement of passersby, the Albanian flung her bear-like arms around the older witch, hugging her tightly.
"We found her!" she exclaimed, positively sobbing with happiness as Dora attempted to gasp for breath, the air knocked from her lungs. "We found her! My...my darling little girl, we found her! I...I never...I never been so...so happy in my life! Not ever!"
At such a commotion, Rovena and the squibs had paused in their chatting to stare over at Valbona's suffocating hold upon Dora, and as the Auror finally released the metamorphmagus, Pandora hurried forward to greet them. When Valbona took a couple of stumbling, uncertain steps after the girl, Pandora heard Rovena utter:
"Oh heck..."
"Who the hell is that?" a boy, named Terry from what Pandora could recall, wondered, and Jeff promptly supplied:
"She's that Auror, isn't she? You know, the one who slaughtered the British Aurors three years in a row...you know the one I mean...what's her name, Ro?"
Rovena was too busy staring at Valbona in distinct horror, and the closer the Albanian Duelling Champion drew the more Rovena's nose seemed to wrinkle as if she could smell something unpleasant.
"Rovena!" the half-giant called, spreading her arms wide, positively trembling with emotion as she attempted to blink back tears. "Rovena, dear Rovena!"
Rovena took a sizeable step backwards, face flushing pink in embarrassment.
"It's me, Rovena!" Valbona cried, smile faltering ever so slightly. "It's been a long time, I...I know but...but it's me, my darling! It's your Aunt Valbona!"
"What are you doing here?" Rovena asked, not sounding in the least bit pleased to see her estranged relation in the slightest. Eyes narrowing the girl glanced sideways to Pandora to accuse: "Is this your fault? Did you bring her here?!"
"Um..." Pandora mumbled, taken aback at the coldness in Rovena's voice, only for Rovena to turn back to scowl at her aunt, demanding to know:
"What do you want?!"
For a long moment Valbona seemed a little tongue-tied, her initial elation shattered. When she did finally straighten up, drawing in a deep breath to speak, she seemed strangely timid.
"I...they tell me that...that you are in trouble, Rovena. Your mother and grandmother...they are causing you trouble. So I...I thought...I have...I have come to help you. To...to look after you!"
"You want to help me?"
"Of course!"
When Rovena's face contorted at the idea, Valbona reminded her: "You are my niece! You are...you are all I have, I don't have anyone else..."
Again, Rovena only stared.
"I...I know it has been long time since...since your father died and...and you went away. But...but you are still my niece and I...you are very important to me! I...I have missed you so terribly and I...I always love you very much! I...I have your picture in...in my purse, I keep it with me and I...I hope for when I see you a...again and...and...I want...I just want my...my Rovena! I...I think maybe we...we go back to Albania together and I...I look after you, just two of us, it...it will be perfect..."
"Perfect?" Rovena scoffed, folding her arms firmly across her chest. "Are you simple or something?! I don't even know you..."
"N...no but...but you can! You can know me...I...we are family! You knew me well when you were little girl! You can know me again..."
Pandora felt her heart sinking into her shoes as Valbona trailed off, reaching to swipe a huge hand across her watery eyes, and at Rovena's next words it was as if she had been physically struck.
"I don't want to know you!" the girl cried with a disbelieving laugh, sounding utterly repulsed. "I don't want anything to do with you and we're certainly not family! You can't be part of my family! You're a freak!"
A horrible silence seemed to descend upon the street, punctured by Valbona's short, sharp, sobbing breaths as she simply stared at her niece in uncomprehending horror, her whole hulking frame trembling with poorly suppressed tears.
Pandora watched numbly as Dora stepped up to the grief-stricken Auror's side, reaching to grasp hold of her by the arm with both hands, tugging her backwards a stumbled step.
"Come on, Valbona." the metamorphmagus whispered, dark eyes darting to shoot Rovena a look that suggested she found the girl even more repulsive than Rovena found her aunt. "Come on...let's go home, alright? I've got a new bottle of whiskey, I reckon we could use a drop..."
To Pandora, who despite herself jumped a little to be addressed, Dora decided: "Two hours, Pan, then I'm sending Grandad to the Leaky to fetch you, okay?"
"Thanks Nana..." Pandora mumbled, and with that Dora shot Rovena one last look of deepest disgust before setting off up the street, pace painfully slow as she coaxed the distinctly shocked Valbona along with her.
No sooner were they a good distance away and the surrounding shoppers had turned their attentions back to their shopping, Pandora failed to resist the urge to turn on her heel to inform Rovena frankly:
"You're a cruel, ungrateful and stuck up little bitch! In fact your entire family is just the same! Your Aunt Valbona is the only decent one out of the lot of you, and if you're too stupid to see that then you're even more of an ignorant, self absorbed bigot than I first thought!" And with that, before Rovena could do much more than gawp at her in outrage, Pandora hastily turned on her heel and marched off down the street, determined to put a good distance between the two of them before the situation could get any worse.
At the sound of hurried footsteps following her, Pandora felt a sudden urge to break out into a run, only to relax a little to hear Jeff call:
"Pandora!"
She didn't stop to turn and face him, she could just imagine what he was going to say, he'd stick up for that dreadful girlfriend of his and Pandora would be simply furious with him...
Ducking past a display of second hand broomsticks, Pandora made to take refuge in the nearest shop, a dimly lit bookshop crammed full of shelves that smelt old and musky. She heard Jeff slip through the door after her and as she finally slowed to a halt down one of the cramped aisles, the man behind her informed her a little breathlessly:
"You're quite something, aren't you?"
Pandora felt as if her blood was boiling as she spun around to face him, only to freeze to find him standing mere inches from her, gazing down at her intensely, an almost half-smile tugging at his lips.
"Your girlfriend's quite something too, isn't she?!" she told him, voice dulled by his closeness as she fiddled with the hem of her blouse, fingers tugging irritably at the material. "I mean...what...what a thing to say to..."
She was cut off abruptly when, to her greatest shock, Jeff suddenly leant forward a little until he could lean to catch her lips against his...
And in an instant Pandora felt her heart stop in her chest and the world was turned upside down.
Within a moment he had jerked backwards again, sucking in a deep breath as he gazed down at her.
Pandora stared dumbly at him.
Jeff stared back. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he might say something, but each time he seemed to think better of it, his expression growing increasingly frustrated until he simply shook his head with a unintelligible mutter, turning on his heel and hurrying back out of the shop again.
Pandora stood motionlessly staring after him for a minute before finally coming to at least a fraction of her senses when a voice from behind her called:
"Alright there, Miss?"
Pandora jumped a little, turning to spot a young man clutching a stack of books to his chest, the shopkeeper the girl supposed, and she found herself mumbling:
"Um..."
"You look rather lost, that's all." the man said, dumping the books down upon an empty bookshelf, and Pandora wondered if it were possible for her blush to deepen at all as she hastily decided:
"Oh no, I'm...I'm fine, thank you! I just...um...I should just..." Trailing off she found herself unable to do anything except turn and flee from the shop.
She wandered down the cobbled street, looking for Jeff and the others and rather hoping not to find them. She didn't much fancy walking awkwardly around with them in her confused state, and was just silently bemoaning the fact that she had a full two hours to wait for Remus to come and pick her up when, passing an alleyway by the Leaky Cauldron she paused to hear the sound of somebody sobbing somewhat uncontrollably, and turning to look down the alleyway she found perhaps that she might have less of a wait than she first imagined.
Valbona Luga was collapsed down upon a set of tall barrels, hunched over and sobbing miserably into a rather small handkerchief that she was clutching with two hands, and beside her stood Dora, biting her lip rather worriedly as she told the Auror:
"Come on, let's not do this here, alright? Let's just..."
"I...I d...don't...I don't know what t...to do!" Valbona choked, before letting out a fresh wail of despair that was loud enough to make Dora wince.
"You can start by standing up for me." Dora insisted, reaching to press a firm hand to the other witch's arm. "Let's get you home, you don't need any more people staring and muttering and all sorts..."
"Who cares?!" Valbona wailed with a sniff. "W..we already know what...what they think of...of me!"
"Don't judge the rest of us by Rovena's opinions, Val." Dora suggested, giving her arm a reassuring squeeze. "She's a product of the people who raised her, that's all."
"Sh...she was a...a good girl! She lovely girl!"
"She's been wildly misguided. I'm sure if she could take the time to get to know you she'd realised just how blessed she is to have an aunt like you. I wish I'd had aunts like you. I had two aunts, you know, one of them didn't want a thing to do with me and the other one made it her business to try and murder me...landed me in hospital once or twice!"
"I...I w...would n...never h...hurt Rovena, I...I want to...to help her..."
"Of course you do. But she's young, isn't she? Young and stupid, they're all the same..."
As Valbona reached to bury her face in her hands again with a muffled sob, Pandora heard footsteps to her left and a young man dressed in a white shirt with rolled up sleeves came hurrying past towards the two witches, calling a little breathlessly:
"Mrs. Lupin!"
Dora immediately stepped forward in an all together vain attempt to hide Valbona from view, folding her arms firmly across her chest as the young man came to a skidding halt in front of her.
"Mrs...Mrs. Nymphadora Lupin?" he attempted to clarify. "Of the Order of the Phoenix? Former Deputy Head of the Auror Department and...and one time British Duelling Champi..."
"Yes, can I help you with something?" Dora interrupted before he could quite finish, and the wizard took a flustered moment to draw in a very deep breath, gaze looking over the witch's shoulder at Valbona, before he asked excitedly:
"Is...is that who I think it is?"
"Are you a journalist?" Dora shot back, reaching to shove a hand into her pocket, fingers grasping hold of her wand.
"Um..." the young man began uncertainly, only for the witch to hold up a hand to silence him.
"Before you answer," she told him pleasantly, "I ought remind you that, as you so rightly pointed out, I'm the former Deputy head of Aurors. I'm retired. I don't have the Minister for Magic breathing down my neck twenty-four seven and I don't have the Wizengamot to answer to anymore. But I can still draw my wand at least ten times faster than you can. And I can't bloody stand nosy little journalists who want to take a completely random and unjustifiable interest in my private life."
The man gave a distinctly guilty chuckle and Valbona hastily attempted to wipe the tears from her face with the sleeve of her robes.
"I'm sorry," he told Dora as he reached into his own pocket. "I don't mean to bother you at all, it's just I...I spotted you with Ms. Luga from the office window just now and I thought how...how extraordinary! And..." whipping a notepad and pencil out from his pocket he offered the witch a bright smile, keenly asking: "Could I get just a couple of words; what're the two of you up to here in Diagon Alley today?"
Dora turned her back on him, reaching to grasp hold of Valbona's elbow, giving her a somewhat futile tug to persuade her up onto her feet.
"What's your name?" the former British Duelling Champion inquired, sounding distinctly irritable as Valbona consented to standing up.
"Me?"
"No, I was asking the other annoying little twerp behind you. The one wearing the invisibility cloak."
The journalist gave a nervous laugh before supplying:
"Dustin Dunwood, Mrs. Lupin!"
"Right." Turning back to face him, pulling the wand from her pocket, Dora nodded at the notepad in his hands, asking: "New notepad, Dustin?"
"Oh..." Glancing down at the pad of paper rather uncertainly, Dustin Dunwood paused in consideration for a moment before telling her: "Yes, actually! Fresh this morning..."
"Lovely." Dora said, gesturing for Valbona to head back out into the main street. "And you want what? A couple of words on...?"
"What you're doing here, Mrs. Lupin. Together, I mean..."
"Certainly. Got that pencil ready, have you?"
"Um..."
"Because I'm only going to say this once, you see."
"Certainly, I'm ready!"
Pausing as she made to step past him, Dora dark eyes narrowed abruptly as she informed the journalist:
"We're leaving." Tapping her wand against the palm of her hand, the snowy haired witch smiled and concluded: "There you go, Dustin Dunwood. A couple of words for that new little notepad of yours. And I suggest you think twice before asking me for a couple more because I'll take that notepad and pencil of yours and shove it somewhere the sun don't shine."
There was a rather stunned pause as the man watched the two witches head out into the street, Valbona still furiously swiping at her eyes with her sleeve, before he took a step after them, calling:
"Perhaps Ms. Luga might care to..."
Pandora winced as the young man stopped dead in his tracks to find Dora having rounded on him within the blink of an eye, wand very nearly jabbing him between the eyes.
"No she wouldn't." the metamorphmagus informed him bluntly. "Now sod off before I apparate over to the Ministry to file a harassment claim!"
Dustin Dunwood took a slow, cautious step backwards, managing to drop his pencil on the floor in the process.
"Well...it was lovely to meet you, Mrs. Lupin!" he told her, seemingly too alarmed to notice his blunder.
Dora gave a soft snort of disbelief, stooping with a slight wince to retrieve the pencil before holding it out for him to take, reaching with her other hand to shove the wand back into her pocket.
"Here, you dropped this." she told him pleasantly, and once he had accepted it with a distinctly shaky hand she smiled and told him: "Have a good day, Dustin Dunwood!"
No sooner had Dora joined Valbona out in the street, Pandora hurried over to them, just in time to hear Dora mutter:
"...have me done for bloody threatening him, just you wait! Bloody parasites..."
"He see me cry!" Valbona was complaining, and Dora shot one last glance over her shoulder at the man in question before concluding:
"Don't worry, he's about as young and stupid as Rovena is! Who in their right mind would want to base a news article on the basis that I've been spotted lending you a white cotton handkerchief? Ridiculous!"
"Nana!" Pandora called to halt their progress, and when Dora turned wearily to look at her granddaughter, the girl felt almost glad at the drama that appeared to be plaguing the witch that day. She was far too preoccupied to ask questions...
"Take me home with you, please!" Pandora pleaded once she had caught up with them, and Dora frowned a little.
"I've only just brought you here, Pan..."
"Yes, I know! But I...I don't want to stay, I just fancy going home!" At the bemused expression she was offered, Pandora decided: "It's just I...I have the most terribly headache!"
Still frowning, Dora reached to press a deliberating hand to the girl's forehead, observing:
"You're rather pale, love."
"Exactly!"
"Told your friends you're leaving, have you?"
"Yes." Pandora lied as Dora swept a stray strand of hair away from the girl's eyes before reaching for her arm as she decided:
"Alright then, let's get out of here..."
Pandora spent the next two hours sat in her grandparents' back garden, sipping lemonade and listening to the steady sound of quiet sobbing from back in the living room. Valbona, who had burst into fresh tears almost as soon as Dora had bundled her through the door and announced to her waiting husband that their encounter with Rovena had not gone terribly well, seemed intent on crying the whole day long. As Dora had pointed out to Remus in the kitchen when Pandora had gone to pour herself another glass of lemonade, as a half-giant she supposed Valbona had the lungs for it.
Being a fraction of the size of Valbona Luga, Pandora supposed she herself did not have the lungs to cry all day long.
But she rather felt as if she might do.
Because she felt so awfully confused.
Because she and Jeff were friends. That was what he wanted. It was all he ever wanted! He was with Rovena, as awful as she was, and he had been so dreadfully upset when Pandora had kissed him at Christmas! He'd said it was wrong, said people would think him weird, in fact Pandora had thought he'd thought it weird himself...
Except he'd kissed her.
He had kissed her.
She hadn't kissed him. It hadn't been her idea, in fact the idea hadn't even entered her head. It had been all his doing, all him, he'd kissed her because...
Because?
Because he'd wanted to, somehow, Pandora supposed. Because there was no other reason to kiss a girl, surely?
But he'd been so against it before...
He was probably against it now, he'd seemed quite cross with himself after all, he'd run away...
But he had kissed her. Pandora! Jeff had kissed Pandora...
Merlin, she felt quite dizzy at the thought of it. Dizzy and...pleased. Sort of. Pleased in a very confused way.
But at the same time she felt annoyed. Annoyed with herself because it had all happened so fast and she couldn't really remember the glorious moment all that clearly.
Annoyed with him too, because it just didn't make any sense...
Nothing made any sense. Nothing at all...
She tried to focus on the few things that she did know. Jeff had, she recalled, kissed her entirely of his own accord. And you only kissed a person if you liked them, Pandora was sure. After all that had been the only reason she had kissed him at Christmas.
She was just contemplating the butterfly-inducing question of just how much Jeff did like her, when she heard Dora calling her from back inside the house. Abandoning her lemonade, Pandora went to poke her head round the back door, peering into the sitting room.
"You've had an owl, love." Dora told her from where she sat in the chair before the fireplace, Valbona still sprawled snivelling on the sofa.
"What...here?" Pandora said, surprised that anybody would think to write to her at her grandparents' address, and Dora raised an eyebrow, holding out a small envelope for her to take.
"It was a Diagon Alley postal service bird." she supplied. "Somebody must've had them look up our address."
At the mention of Diagon Alley, Pandora hurried forward to retrieve the letter, turning on her heel to escape back out into the garden as Dora turned her attention back to Valbona to suggest:
"I think perhaps it might be better to try a different approach. A letter, maybe? Or perhaps have somebody else have a word with her..."
Once back out in the privacy of the back garden, Pandora hastily ripped open the little envelope, where she found a single small sheet of parchment, folded neatly in half. Unfolding it she read in familiar handwriting:
Write back to the post office if you read this or the one I've sent to your house, Pan. We've been looking all over for you for the past hour, you've got me worried sick!
Jeff.
Pandora later supposed that she ought have thought it odd that he would be so worried about her being alone in Diagon Alley at her age, but initially she had done nothing but swell with excitement at the thought that he cared enough to worry at all. It took her some ten minutes of daydreaming and fidgeting before she remembered to go to scribble a reply. In the short time since her previous trip back into the sitting room, things appeared to altered somewhat drastically. Valbona's snivelling and Dora's calm conversation had been replaced by something all together nosier.
"Go on, go on!" Valbona was exclaiming from where she was half=sprawled across the much too small sofa, a large glass bottle of amber liquid flailing around in one hand as she waved it in Dora's direction.
Dora took another slow sip of orange juice and admitted:
"Bit early in the day, Val..."
"Was your idea in first place!" Valbona accused, taking a large swig from the bottle in defiance, and Dora gave a huff of amusement and admitted:
"Well you've go me there!"
"Pandora!" Valbona cried, spotting the teenager as she slipped back through the back door. "Come!" And with that she held out the bottle with a wide grin.
Pandora stared for a long moment at the bottle, and at the giant woman's expectant look the girl found herself reaching forward to take the bottle...
The bottle promptly yanked itself free from Valbona's hand, soaring across the room into Dora's waiting hand. The former Auror examined the bottle for a long moment, before taking a sniff, nose instantly wrinkling.
"Proper Albanian drink, eh!" Valbona announced proudly. "I bring three bottles with me! It good for you, put hairs on chest, my father say..."
"Hear that, Pan?" Dora said, offering her granddaughter a raised eyebrow. "You don't want hairs on your chest...dreadfully unattractive!" Leaning forward in her chair she pointed out: "Pandora isn't of age, Valbona..."
"I wasn't going to drink it!" Pandora protested, folding her arms firmly across her chest. "I was only looking!"
Her grandmother gave a soft snort of disbelief.
"Well go and look at something else, love!" she suggested. "We have brandy on the table at Christmas, and half glasses of wine at parties! You stick to that, alright? This is bloody poison..."
"Try it!" Valbona cried, slapping an enormous hand down upon the sofa that made it groan, and Dora gave the bottle one last revolted sniff before taking a small gulp. Her face grew red and contorted and almost as soon as she had swallowed half a mouthful she managed to spit the rest back out again, dissolving into a coughing fit.
"Is Hector at home?" Pandora asked, not bothering to wait for her to recover, and when Dora merely waved a hand in the direction of the corner of the room, the girl turned to look over at the cage in question, barely suppressing a sigh.
Pandora had only vague memories of her grandparents' owls Godric and Helga, both of whom had been distinctly elderly by the time Pandora was old enough to recall them, and when Godric had passed away, leaving a distinctly unreliable Helga as the sole post deliverer in the house, Remus and Dora had gone on to acquire a new owl, now their only resident feathery companion; a large and distinctly bad tempered barn owl named Hector.
Remus and Dora seemed to think he was amusing.
Pandora thought he was positively viscous.
Striding over to the cage in which the proud bird sat, Pandora shot the animal a distinctly irritable look.
"No funny business, alright?!" she muttered as she snatched up a quill to scribble a reply to Jeff, and the bird ruffled his feathers in mock innocence.
She was only pecked at a handle of times before she had managed to wrestle the note onto the owl's leg, and when she carried the creature over to the window she barely resisted the urge to half-fling it outside, letting it flutter off of its own accord. Once her battle with the wretched creature was done with, she wandered out into the kitchen, where she found her grandfather sat at the little round table, mounds of papers strewn across the wooden surface as he sat writing notes upon a fresh sheet of parchment.
"Alright, Grandad?" the girl called as she went to fetch herself a glass of water, and the old wizard wondered:
"What's that, Sweetheart?"
"I said: alright, Grandad?"
"Oh, yes! I'm certainly alright, Lala."
"What're you up to?"
The werewolf offered his granddaughter a raised eyebrow.
"Order business, Sweetheart."
As she reached to stem the flow of icy water from the tap, Pandora turned to eye the papers curiously.
"You know, Grandad," the squib said as she came to take a seat opposite him. "Maybe if you'd all been a bit more organised back during the war, you might not still be doing filing over four decades later!"
Remus gave a chuckle as he reached to push one lot of papers aside to get a look at another. As he reached to adjust the glasses perched upon his nose, he assured the girl:
"I'll be sure to pass on your advice to the next generation!"
"Like Dad and...and James and Al and the others?"
"Them and those after them."
"Like Immy?"
"Immy and yourself, in a manner of speaking, yes."
Eying the masses of parchment, Pandora chewed upon her lip for a moment, before wondering:
"D'you think that'll ever happen, Grandad? Do you think one day there might be a...another war or...or something dreadful like that and somebody might decide to...to recall the Order of the Phoenix?"
"I sincerely hope not."
"Yes but...d'you think it might?"
Remus frowned deeply, sitting back in his chair so that he could regard his granddaughter seriously.
"I think the Order's days are numbered, Pan." he told her. "The only people who can recall the Order of the Phoenix truly are former Order members themselves, and we are a dying breed." Sighing heavily he reached into his pocket to draw out his pocket watch, flicking it open to observe the time. "But there will be other conflicts...other wars, perhaps. There always are, Pandora. There are always people out there who want to pick fights, take sides, disturb the status quo. And there are always other people out there, if you look hard enough, who are willing to stand up to them. Perhaps it won't be the Order of the Phoenix, perhaps we'll be long gone by then. Perhaps they'll give themselves a different name, or perhaps they won't have a name at all. But they'll be there. They always are. Conflict is the way of the world, Sweetheart. Even when we have peace we're still sending Aurors off all over the place to attack suspected Dark Wizards and fight for this and that."
"That's a grim view of the world, Grandad."
"Oh no, Lala. It's very hopeful. It's hopeful to believe somebody out there will always have the strength to stand up and be counted. And believe me, Pandora, that is no easy thing to do."
"Then how did you do it?" Pandora wondered, leaning forward to rest her elbows upon the table, gazing at him intently.
Remus puffed his cheeks, shaking his head at the thought.
"Sometimes I don't know." he admitted with a frown. "But then sometimes I remembered...when it truly mattered I remembered that there are some things in life...some things in life are just bigger than us."
"That's what Nana always says." Pandora recalled, and Remus chuckled and agreed:
"Indeed it is. Which is ironic, you know, because back during the war I...I faltered sometimes just thinking...nothing was bigger or more important to me than your grandmother. And then your father came along...and once I saw him...once I'd held that child in my arms I thought...I thought I'd steal them both away and make a run for it the next morning! Stop fighting, stop doing what I knew was right! Run away and hide! I told your mother I'd take them away, we'd go as far away as we could...Australia...Africa...the Moon!" Remus shook his head again when Pandora gave a snigger and he admitted: "But of course there are some things in life I knew I just couldn't do. Apparating to the Moon was just one of them..."
The two lapsed into silence as Remus squinted at another document or two, letters the girl saw, before Pandora wondered:
"Did you ever write letters to Nana, Grandad? Back before you were married, I mean."
"Frequently."
"What sort of letters?"
"What sort of letters...?"
"Mm."
"The normal sort, I suppose. Messages about the Order's plans, comments on the weather, well wishes...pleas for her to keep safe..."
"What other sorts of letters?"
"Mm?"
"Love letters, Grandad! Did you ever write Nana love letters?"
Remus laughed again, offering the girl a raised eyebrow.
"Perhaps...on occasion."
"What did you say? In love letters to Nana?"
"Oh Sweetheart! That would be between myself and your Nana."
Pandora gave a soft snort of disbelief.
"Mum showed me the letters she kept that Dad sent when she was at University!" she reasoned, fidgeting excitedly in her chair.
"I suspect your dad did a much better job at writing than I did."
"I doubt it. There was some rather dodgy poetry going on...did you ever write Nana a poem?"
"I...can't say I did, no..."
"Not ever?"
"Not that I can recall."
They fell into an expectant silence and after a long moment Remus sighed heavily, reaching to push back his chair, rising stiffly to his feet.
"Come, then." he murmured, apparently defeated.
Pandora found herself led into the confides of her grandparents' bedroom, a small room with buttercream coloured walls and pale wooden furniture. In the very back of a small trunk set in a corner, her grandfather produced a hefty envelope positively stuffed with papers. Pulling one out at random the werewolf eyed in in consideration before holding it out for Pandora to take. It was a scrappy, water stained piece of parchment with dog-eared corners and the ink upon it was smudged in places. Nevertheless the girl was able to read:
My Dora,
To think you say that you are mine!
Alastor has rationed our supply of parchment and ink at this dismal post of ours. He says we must write only when it is strictly necessary, to preserve our supplies and keep owls from attracting attention from Malfoy Manor...
...so quite naturally I had to take the time to write to you and tell you that I love you with all my heart! Do stay safe, my Dora, will you promise that you will? I'm counting the days 'till I leave this place and might see you again. Don't let them volunteer you to take over from Alastor and I! I'm selfish, I know, but I couldn't stand to wait another week to see you again. We are in such isolation here, I feel cheated to be honest. We had only a few short days together before Alastor snatched me away for the week! I almost told him I wouldn't come. Could you imagine such a scene? I'd be a ferret in seconds, I'm sure of it, but it would be worthwhile if I could have just one more day with you. I think of you every morning when I watch the sunrise atop the trees to the East, wonder what colour hair you have today, what you might be doing. Today I wager pink, I usually do, it's my favourite, and I like to think you might sit out in your mother's back garden whilst reading this. I hope the sun is shining for you and that I might keep all the rain for myself. I'm running out of room, my darling, so I had better end here. Stay strong, stay safe and stay well in the knowledge that I love you so.
Until we meet again, my Dora,
R.
Pandora very nearly squealed.
"Can I see another one?!" she pleaded, pressing the note to her chest with a distinctly soppy grin, and her grandfather held out an expectant hand to retrieve the letter, insisting:
"Certainly not, Nana Dora shall already want to hex me into the middle of next week!"
Pandora huffed as she consented to handing the letter back, but already her mind had began to race and it did so for a long while afterwards.
She spent the next four days wishing and daydreaming that Jeff might write to her again, might write a grand confession, might tell her how he felt about her, how he loved her, and when she finally attended SEWS again one evening she felt as if she had the entire situation planned out quite perfectly in her head...
And to the teenager, it all fitted perfectly together. It was a real life fairytale and Jeff was her prince.
To her adult self many years in the future, it was all a bit delusional and silly and downright embarrassing.
But for now, it was just perfect.
She arrived at SEWS that evening with rather grand expectations.
She would leave several hours later with far more than she bargained for.
Jeff did little but offer her a smile from across the room when she arrived, and the two of them exchanged only brief conversations amongst their friends over the course of the evening. It was not until it came time to go home that they found time to speak alone. With Rochelle ill and absent, Pandora volunteered to take her usual place helping Jeff to tidy up the hall and kitchen before going home, sending a brief note home to ask Teddy to come and collect her an hour later than planned.
No sooner had the last of the other SEWS members disappeared out of the door, leaving Pandora and Jeff alone, Pandora had felt her heart begin to race in her chest.
"Pan...?" he called after a long moment of her standing staring at the double doors that had swung shut behind their friends, and she found she wasn't quite ready to turn around to face him.
"Hm?"
"Would you come and grab this?"
"Um..." Pandora turned slowly round to see Jeff standing one end of a squashy sofa upon which the children had been raucously play fighting some time earlier. "Oh..." the girl mumbled, reaching to push the hair back from her eyes, giving herself a little shake. "Right..."
They set about dragging the chair towards the side of the room where it usually sat, smiling vaguely at one another, chuckling awkwardly when she stumbled a little. The sofa was heavy and she felt her cheeks grow pink as she struggled to move it. Once it was in place she failed to resist the urge to collapse down upon it, eyes drifting closed with a sigh. Her stomach twisted into knots when she felt Jeff drop down onto the seat beside her and then, after a long pause, he asked:
"Pan?"
"Hm?" she ventured, not daring to open her eyes, and he hesitated briefly, shifting in his seat. Then he said:
"I can trust you, can't I?"
"Of course you can." Pandora replied without a moments hesitation and she felt his arm brush against hers as he leant back in his seat.
"I knew I could." he said, sounding deadly serious. "I mean I've known for ages. Because, you know, you and me...well we're special, aren't we Pan?"
Pandora didn't really know what he meant by special, but she didn't really care. It sounded nice, so she agreed:
"We are."
"I mean I can talk to you, can't I? It's easy, talking to you. And you're here all the time...it's like...I could tell you anything, you know? Anything in the world and I know you'd keep my secrets or...or just listen and understand because we're the same really, aren't we? We're...you know..."
Pandora was certain that she didn't know. But she liked to think she could imagine them being all sorts of things, so she told him:
"I know."
"I feel like we're...you know..."
"I know."
"And it's just really...I don't know..."
"Mm."
He seemed to ramble on about nothing for a few minutes before he sighed heavily and Pandora finally consented to opening her eyes to look at him. He looked pensive. Pandora thought him rather dashing.
"I suppose what I'm trying to say, Pan," he said, turning to fix her with eyes that she felt she might very well pin her to the spot, "Is I think...I think we need to have a talk. About the other day. In the bookshop."
"Oh." Pandora said, and she wondered what it was that she was expected to say next, but apparently Jeff didn't really want her to say anything.
"I know I shouldn't have kissed you." he said, but she didn't think he sounded very regretful at all. "I know that was wrong of me...what with Rovena and...and what with you being so...you know..."
Pandora didn't know.
"...young and everything, I mean."
At this, she felt instantly embarrassed, reaching to fiddle with the hem of her cardigan.
"But I suppose I just...well I'll just be honest, shall I?" Jeff went on, not really pausing for her to respond. And his next words made Pandora lean back in her seat because she thought she might just swoon. "I kissed you because I wanted to, Pan. And I wanted to because despite everything...despite it probably being wrong in a whole load of different ways...I really like you. I like you more than...than I should and I...I can't seem to...to get it out of my head, Pan. I can't seem to get us out of my head!"
Pandora was pretty sure that she was starting to grin like an idiot, but he didn't seem to notice, he was much too busy attempting to justify himself.
"I know you're very young...I know what people would say but I...I don't think I'd care, really. I don't care how old you are or if people wouldn't approve. I just think you're...you're so kind and...and I feel like you really understand me and you...you make me laugh, you cheer me up when things are getting to me and...and you know you...you don't have a clue, do you? You don't have a clue how wonderful and brilliant you are, Pandora, and I think...I think that's just marvellous! And when you kissed me at Christmas you nearly scared me half to death! Because there you were...standing there looking so...so lovely and Rovena was being such a pain at the time and I took one look at you and thought...Merlin if only! And then you kissed me and I thought I could...I could so easily have kissed you back...!"
"But you didn't." Pandora pointed out, and Jeff reached to rub a weary hand across his eyes, admitting:
"No, I was trying to be decent." he looked somewhat abashed to admit: "But I can't do it, Pan. I...I can't carry on the way things are...can't stay being decent. I know that's bad, but I can't just ignore you any more..."
Pandora felt rather numb as he reached forward to lace their fingers together, expression abruptly nervous as he asked:
"Are you...angry?"
Pandora found herself giving a somewhat high pitched chuckle.
"Am I angry that you...want us to be...together?" she asked, the words feeling quite strange, and he laughed too and admitted:
"Well it sounds stupid, doesn't it? When you put it like that..."
"Yes it does. And I'm not angry in the slightest. I'm...I'm the exact opposite of angry, Jeff, I'm..." she struggled to think of an adjective grand enough, resorting to throwing her arms up as she exclaimed: "SO, so happy!"
Jeff let out a enormous sigh of relief, and with that he reached to throw his arms around her, crushing her against his chest as he exclaimed:
"Oh thank Merlin, what a relief! I've been panicking for days...weeks, even!"
Pandora felt as if perhaps she ought feel a little more worried about her total lack of care for their situation. She should probably be worried about lots of things. What about Rovena? Wasn't it wrong to be having this conversation whilst she and Jeff were still together? How were they going to tell her? What if she reacted badly? What about Pandora's parents? What were they going to say? And her friends, what would they think?
But she felt as if she had been waiting for this moment for days, almost expecting it, and nothing else seemed to matter, nothing else at all...
"What about Rovena?" she wondered, just to prove to herself that her head wasn't completely in the clouds, and she felt a sudden urge to shiver when Jeff turned to press a kiss to her cheek.
"Don't you worry about that, Sweetheart." he told her, smoothing her hair as he pulled her into a tighter embrace. "Leave it with me, I'll sort it out."
"What're you going to do?"
"I don't know, Pan. Don't worry about it though, I'll think of something..."
"D'you think Rovena's going to be angry?"
"Merlin, I'm not sure I can even think to care!" Leaning back so that he could gaze at her face, Jeff sighed and admitted: "It's not going to be easy, you know...this."
"Nothing worth while is ever easy." Pandora recalled, and she thought of her grandfather's love letter to her grandmother and smiled at the memory. She supposed thinking about her sugar-coated vision of her grandparents' relationship over the past few days had left her to have grand expectations of love. But wasn't it truly supposed to be that way? Wasn't love simply grand?
When Jeff continued to look apprehensive she reached to give his arm a comforting squeeze and told him: "I'll try for us, if you will. I...I love you, I really do!"
"Then I'm the luckiest man alive." Jeff told her, face lighting up at such a declaration, and then he laughed and told her: "Come here!"
It was like soaring, kissing Jeff Fawley. It was the most wonderful and euphoric feeling that the teenager had ever experienced in her entire life...
But Pandora had never really kissed anybody before. She felt a bit silly, like she didn't really know what she was doing...
She supposed Jeff knew well enough for both of them. After all he seemed to have spent the past Merlin knew how long snogging Rovena Luga senseless and doing Merlin knew what else...
Pandora felt instantly foolish. And young. And silly. And...
"Pan?"
She'd been in such a wild tangle of thoughts that she quite failed to notice that he had stopped kissing her.
"Hm?" she mumbled, feeling herself blush, and he looked amused, reaching to press a hand to her cheek.
"What's wrong?" he asked, thumb scuffing her skin as he gazed at her, and she found herself adverting her gaze in embarrassment, mumbling:
"Nothing..."
"Doesn't seem like nothing."
"I know but...it's just...I was thinking..."
"Hm?"
"You and...and Rovena..."
Jeff's brow wrinkled in frustration, but he consented to asking:
"Yes?"
"Well it's just...she's...she's been with you a while..."
"So?"
"I mean you've been...together...a lot and I...I've never really...I mean I don't think I really..."
Jeff gave a soft snort of laughter.
"Oh Pan!" he laughed, shifting her sideways until she could rest her head against his shoulder. "Don't go comparing yourself with Rovena, for goodness sake!"
"Why not?" Pandora wondered dully.
"Because!" Jeff exclaimed, hugging her tightly. "You're worth a million of her, that's why!"
"Yes but she's a...a..."
"A what?"
Pandora wanted to say a slut, but didn't quite have the nerve.
"She knows more about...men than I do." she decided, and Jeff laughed again and asked:
"What d'you need to know about men for, Pan? I'm a man, aren't I? I reckon I know enough about them for both of us!"
And she supposed that probably made sense, believed him when he promised he didn't care what she did and didn't know.
He said he'd show her if she wanted.
And she'd not been quite sure what he meant, but at the time saying anything but yes just didn't occur to her.
He kissed her again and it was different after a little while. He'd reached with a hand to carefully prise her mouth open and before she knew it they were really kissing, properly kissing like couples did in movies and his hands were in her hair, stroking her face, tugging at her clothes. And it was exciting and frightening and wonderful and terrible and just how she imagined it and totally alien. She didn't think things would go any further, thought it might all stop in an instant, thought he might come to his senses before they strayed too far into the unknown. But he seemed totally lost to her, she realised, totally unaware of his surroundings and to think he was so enamoured with her made her dizzy and bolder and beautiful and the swell of excitement in her chest crushed the fluttering butterflies in her stomach. And when she felt his hands slip lightly up the hem of her skirt, fingers fumbling with the hems of her underwear she ignored the instant bout of panic that assaulted her chest and swore she wouldn't stop him.
She liked the aftermath better than the act itself, she discovered a short while later as the two of them lay curled up upon the sofa together. She liked that he liked it, she supposed, more than simply liking it herself. It had been sort of nice. Not as nice as she had expected. It had hurt a bit, really, but she didn't care. She just enjoyed watching the smile on his face afterwards, feeling him hug her tightly and mumbled rather sleepily into her hair. It was nice to be desired, to make him smile so, and she wished they could fall asleep together there and stay there forever, but all too soon they were fumbling with stray clothing and attempting to smarten up before Teddy appeared to take her home again.
Everything was different after that.
Pandora wished she could stay at SEWS forever. Sometimes she didn't want to go home, and when she told him this Jeff would laugh and wink and say: Wouldn't that be nice?
Amongst others they acted as if nothing had happened. It was important, Jeff said, not to cause a fuss or a scene. They had to wait, he said, until the time was right, until they were ready to face the world.
By the world Pandora suspected he meant her parents. She didn't tell Teddy or Carrie a single thing about her new boyfriend. After all, Rovena was still in the picture and she didn't think they would understand. They'd say it was cheating, they'd say Jeff was too old or Pandora was too young and there would be arguments and Teddy would probably send Howlers...
Rovena was the biggest obstacle of all, mind you. Jeff said they had to wait for the right time to tell her the truth, though he didn't seem to quite know when the right time might be. Pandora wished he would hurry up. She couldn't stand watching Rovena waltz into SEWS as if nothing had happened, couldn't bear to watch Jeff greet her with enthusiasm, call her Sweetheart, kiss her...
"Must you kiss her?" she'd asked Jeff some three weeks later, and Jeff had laughed and asked:
"Well she'd think something was wrong if I didn't!" At the look Pandora shot him he'd reached to smooth her hair soothingly and told her: "Come on, Sweetheart, don't be like that. We have to do things properly, don't we? I know you don't like her, but they're threatening to deport her family back to Albania, for Merlin's sake! We don't want to be cruel to her, do we?"
Pandora had felt a bit guilty after that.
Jeff said he only kissed Rovena when it was strictly necessary. He said he was counting, said he'd wait until he and Pandora were alone and kiss her twice as much. The thought made Pandora giggle.
Time dragged on and Rovena was still there, but Jeff seemed more and more able to shake her off, make excuses not to see her, and when he wasn't busy hiding from Rovena, running SEWS, or studying his papers, he'd try and spend time with Pandora instead. They spent most of their time in the hall at SEWS, it was an easy place to meet, and they'd sit together on the sofa and he'd kiss her and make her laugh and tell her he couldn't believe his luck.
It all nearly fell apart the following week.
Imogen had been late coming to apparate Pandora home and so the squib had wandered into the little kitchen off the hallways at SEWS to do a little tidying up. She'd heard voices, been curious because she'd thought she'd left Jeff alone, only to spot him through a crack in the door, sat upon their sofa, Rovena straddling his lap, her arms locked tightly around his neck as she cut him off mid-laugh with such a firm kiss that Jeff was forced to grab the back of her jeans to keep her from sliding off his lap, and Pandora thought she might very well vomit at the sight of them.
She cried herself to sleep that evening and had a good cry again when she woke up the following morning. When she saw him that lunchtime, alone in the kitchen where she had spied upon him the night before, he seemed rather quiet and she had wanted to cry yet again.
"You went and shagged her, didn't you?!" she'd accused miserably, and she'd been certain of it, she could tell, he looked positively guilty.
She'd panicked a bit a moment later when he'd flung the damp cloth he was holding into the sink and declared:
"That's it, I've bloody well had enough!" But then he had taken a step forward and reached to throw his arms around her, hugging her tightly as he insisted: "Don't worry, Sweetheart. I'll do it. I'll dump her when I see her tomorrow night."
And Pandora had felt euphoric and had failed to resist the urge to let out a squeal of excitement.
Perhaps Rovena would want to leave with Valbona after all.
Valbona was due to leave upon the day in question, which just so happened to be Remus and Dora's wedding anniversary. The couple had, for some weeks, been planning a big family dinner to celebrate the occasion, and though Pandora had promised to help set things up that morning she received an owl from Jeff that made her determined to change her plans.
"I want to go to Diagon Alley, Dad!" she insisted excitedly that morning over breakfast. "Jeff needs help with shopping!"
"Having another party, are you?" Carrie had asked, and Pandora had told her:
"Not really, he just wants supplies for the kitchen. Oh! And we're going to put out some collection boxes, you know, so people can donate to SEWS!"
Upon flooing Dora some minutes later, Teddy had been commanded by his mother to let Pandora go wherever she pleased. Dora had some shopping to do herself that morning, she said, and she and Valbona were popping into London within the hour to pick up a present for Remus that she had ordered some days previously.
And so it was that Pandora spent a very enjoyable hour in Diagon Alley with Jeff, going round the shops hand in hand, buying the odd grocery or two, before heading to Flourish and Blotts, whose owner, Jeff said, had agreed to take one of their collection boxes.
"Can you go and pop it on the counter for me?" Jeff had asked once they had stepped inside, and when he handed over the little wooden box Pandora had frowned to find it seemed surprisingly heavy. She placed a couple more boxes around the shop whilst Jeff browsed the books and then the two of them had headed back outside. Pandora had been about to suggest they go and buy an icecream or a drink, only Jeff had suddenly reached to grab hold of her by the hand, pulling her across the street until they were stood just down an alleyway by a shop.
"I want to ask you something, Sweetheart." Jeff said, leaning against the wall so that he could regard her seriously, and Pandora frowned a little at his tone and wondered:
"What's that?"
"Do you love me?" Jeff asked seriously, and she felt a stab of apprehension that he might think her still upset from the day before.
"Of course I do!" she exclaimed, reaching to fling her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She was about to tell him how sorry she was for doubting him for even a moment, tell him what a lovely time she was having with him that morning, but then he said:
"You make me so happy, did you know that?"
She felt a little too abashed to answer.
"It's hard for me sometimes you know, Pan," he said, drawing back from her. "Being happy, I mean. Sometimes I feel like...like nobody cares, you know? About people like us."
"That's why we've got each other, Jeff." Pandora told him, bemused when he shook his head vigorously.
"But that's not good enough, is it Pan? That's just...just not fair! And I thought...with the Squib Pride March and...and all our posters and the like it...it might make a difference!"
"People are just ignorant." Pandora pointed out, jumping a little when he reached to grasp hold of her by the hands, exclaimed:
"Exactly, Sweetheart! Wizards are ignorant! That's why we have to be a bit more...you know..."
Pandora wasn't sure she did know. She offered him a questioning raised eyebrow.
"We have to be louder, Pan!" he said, sounding suddenly excited. "We have to be bolder!"
"Mm..."
"And I've been thinking about it a lot, Pan. For ages! And I know what we have to do!"
And with that, Pandora watched him reach into his pocket to extract a strange circular device with a small red button in the centre.
"What's that?" Pandora wondered, frowning deeply, and Jeff glanced over her shoulder with a grin at the passing shoppers, before pulling her further down the alleyway a few steps.
"It's a surprise!" he told her, holding it out for the girl to take.
"A surprise?"
"For the shoppers, Pan!"
"What like...fireworks or something?" Pandora wondered, thinking of the clever contraptions Uncle George set up for firework displays on Bonfire Night.
"Exactly!" Jeff said, reaching to turn her around to face the street again, the contraption held in her hands. "And since you're my special girl, I thought I'd let you hit the button!"
Pandora felt her heart skip a beat to be called special and as she looked out into the street at the countless shoppers she felt herself hold a breath in excitement...
"Go on then!" Jeff said, giving her shoulders an encouraging squeeze...
Pandora Lupin pressed the button...
She waited for fireworks, started a little countdown in her head...
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One...
BOOM!
Pandora watched in mute horror, jerking backwards in shock as across the street the shop that she had left just five minutes previously...exploded.
A great burst of fire flashed through the windows, shattering glass and sending rubble flying as the roof collapsed and the walls were blasted from the foundations in a torrent of dust and smoke, the air ringing with screams and wails and had Jeff's grip upon her not tightened Pandora might very well have fainted at the sudden chaos...
And as the dust began to settle, amidst the crowds of panicked witches and wizards running this way and that, Pandora watched numbly as a large, stooped figure became slowly visible amongst the rubble, huge shovel-like hands scrambling desperately to fling shards of bricks and lumps of mortar aside...
And as Valbona Luga frantically dug away at the smouldering remains of the collapsed building, Pandora felt her heart sop dead in her chest as she heard the Albanian woman's boomed, hoarse voice shrieking at the top of her lungs:
"DORA?! DORA!"