Later that night, Himawari finds herself faced with the most stressful walk she's ever walked. Her breath trembles as she holds a plastic, pink-lidded container in front of her, the white, two-layered, strawberry-topped cake within illuminated by the streetlight above her. She checks the cake over, making sure none of the toppings had toppled over and the top layer hadn't found some way to slide off the bottom. Strawberries...check. Still in one piece...check. Frosting not smooshed against the sides, nothing's crushed, I love Sakurako, container still closed tight...
She gulps, her face flushing red. Ok...it's ok. I can do this.
And what if she laughs?
She shakes her head to clear the thought away, then rechecks the cake to make sure it didn't wiggle and get damaged from her headshake. Seeing it still in one piece, just as it was a few seconds ago, she forces out a slow, uneven exhale and starts walking forwards, each step forced and deliberate.
I can do this. And if she laughs, I'll...She sets her jaw. I'll throttle her until she gives me a real answer.
The walk to Sakurako's house feels longer than ever, but when she arrives on the sidewalk out front she can't believe she got there so quickly.
"I...can do this...I..." She sighs slow, trying to calm down, but her heart beat rebels and speeds up. She takes a step towards Sakurako's front door. Then another. One more...
She finds herself face to face with the door, thinking to herself how it seems taller than usual. She grips the container tight in one hand, careful to keep it level, and reaches her other hand out. She slides the door open and steps in.
"Hello?" She calls out, her voice loud but wavering. Oh wait... what if she comes right now? Do I do this here? Do I say I want to go to her room? AH! Her face flushes again and her heart hammers louder for a few beats. Go to her room...at night...
Her ears pick up a soft padding coming from around the corner and her body freezes, but she relaxes a bit when Nadeshiko, Sakurako's older sister, comes around the corner.
"Hima-ko?" Nadeshiko glances at the pink container and then at Himawari's blushing face and smiles. "...Sakurako's in her room. Come on in." Himawari bows and puts the container on the ground with agonizing caution so she can take her shoes off. She steps back a ways from the container, eyes locked on it, and takes her shoes off slowly, imagining herself losing her balance and toppling over onto it.
Her shoes off, she inches towards the container and carefully picks it up, keeping it level and steady, her knees aching from the long time spent in her slow ascent. Finally standing shoeless with the cake, she looks up and gives a small start at seeing Nadeshiko gone. After a few moments though, Nadeshiko returns, holding two plates and two pairs of forks and spoons, along with a small knife.
"Hima-ko...thanks for coming." Nadeshiko motions for Himawari to follow and the two head to Sakurako's room.
"Thank you," Himawari says softly. "Though...maybe you shouldn't thank me yet."
"Oh?" Nadeshiko glances over at Himawari, then looks back in front of her. "Well...it was probably Sakurako's fault anyway but...I know she'll be happy to see you. So I don't think I'll regret thanking you, in the end."
Himawari's eyes widen as she looks over to Nadeshiko, her heartbeat rising with each step closer to Sakurako's door. Too soon, Himawari finds herself standing in front of the door, the cake container in hand, her body twitching, heart thundering, face flushing...
"Eh, here, Hima-ko," Nadeshiko reaches over and takes the cake container. Himawari hears a few little clattering sounds as Nadeshiko takes it and the dishes to a nearby accent table, opening the container and setting the cake gently on one plate, the other plate beneath it. Nadeshiko sets the utensils on the top plate, by the cake, and hands them back to Himawari, who takes them in a daze, her eyes transfixed on the door.
"Thank you..." Himawari says, her voice far-off and soft.
"Would you like me to open the door?" Nadeshiko says, and Himawari looks over at her.
"Uh! No, that's ok. Sorry, I just..."
"...it's a little different this time, huh?" Nadeshiko's smile warms and she nods to Himawari, who smiles back and sighs.
"Yeah...a little different." She looks back at the door. Nadeshiko places a hand on Himawari's shoulder and gives a small squeeze before turning and heading down the hallway to her own bedroom. Himawari watches her go, a small smile across her face. She turns back to the door and, balancing the plates in one hand, reaches out with the other and knocks once, overhard.
AHH...do I knock again? Does she even know that was a knock, or might she think something fell? She hears a small shuffling from the other side and her heart races. The door opens a crack and Sakurako's face, ensconced in her chicken pajamas, peeks out. Sakurako's tired, listless eyes suddenly come alight.
She closes the door.
"W...Sakurako?" Himawari stares at the closed door for a moment before reaching out and throwing it open. "Sakurako!"
"What?" Sakurako stands next to her bed, facing away, one hand on the bed and the other up to her face.
"...it's rude to close the door in someone's face." Himawari says, her voice dropping to just above a whisper.
"...sorry..."
Himawari sighs, looking down at the cake in her hands. She shuts her eyes tightly then, tears in their corners.
"I'm...sorry...Sakurako," Himawari starts, walking to Sakurako's dresser and separating the two plates. She puts them down on the dresser and starts cutting a slice. Sakurako sniffles and climbs onto the bed, still facing away towards the wall.
"I made this for you, Sakurako." Hearing this, Sakurako slowly turns around, a baffled look on her face.
"Oh...no...not this dream again..." Sakurako's face becomes one of grim terror, and Himawari giggles, which only makes Sakurako's terror deepen. "NO! You won't lick me this time!"
"It's not a dream, Sakurako, though..." Himawari takes a slice of the cake and a pair of utensils towards Sakurako, who climbs away from her on the bed. "I did remember the dream you told me about and...I tried making the cake from it."
"...why?" Sakurako demands, her retreat cut off by the wall and her will to flee subverted by the sight of the approaching cake. Himawari stands next to Sakurako's bed, her hands under the plate, the strawberries shining ruby-red in the light of Sakurako's room. Himawari smiles, a tear going down one cheek, her heart machine-gunning in her chest.
"I love you, stupid. That's why." Himawari gazes at Sakurako, who sits motionless on the bed, eyes locked on Himawari's.
"Oh." Sakurako says simply.
"...oh?" Himawari's smile turns into a scowl. "Oh?! What does that mean? What do you mean, 'oh?'"
"I mean 'oh, it's not a dream, I'm just dead,'" Sakurako replies. Himawari sighs and looks down at the cake, a tremendous feeling of freedom flying out from her chest.
"I love you, Sakurako. You're not dead...but you might be, if you keep playing stupid." Himawari raises a fist playfully.
Sakurako looks at Himawari, then the cake, then back to Himawari, realization dawning on her. A powerful blush builds in her cheeks, one hand rising up to her wide-open mouth. Her eyes open wider, then wider again, and she pushes back against the bed, further against the wall. Himawari sits on the bed, still holding the plate with the single slice, and turns back to Sakurako, who shoves herself into the corner.
"I...w...a...what...you...I..." Sakurako stammers, her panicked eyes searching somewhere, anywhere, for an escape route.
"Oh, did you have breasts in your ears?" Himawari smirks at Sakurako, who growls and inches forwards the slightest bit.
"What was that? If I did, who do you think would be to blame? I-wait...uh..." Sakurako's face manages, against various scientific laws, to flush an even deeper shade of red as she realizes the implications of her rushed retort.
"You..." Himawari's own blush deepens and she turns away, but the picture of Sakurako resting her head against Himawari's chest refuses to leave her mind...
"I...ack...you...Himaw-w-wari...keep your breasts to yourself!"
"I wasn't the one imagining...well I guess I did imagine it."
"WHAT!" Sakurako yells, standing on her bed and taking a step forwards, the bed sinking slightly under her. "Don't imagine it! You...Hentai-wari!"
"Hen...excuse me?!" Himawari stands up, glowering at Sakurako, who steps back. "Wait a minute..." Himawari pauses, her expression softening to one of shy, vulnerable sweetness, a weak smile on her lips. "You...didn't answer me."
"I did too, I said you were a perv-"
"I mean...when I said I loved you."
"I..." Sakurako drops back to her knees on the bed. "I...don't..."
The plate clatters to the ground, the cake slice landing on the floor, becoming a white and red smear. Himawari's whole body freezes. For a few moments, the world around her stops. Then a feeling comes, a sense of standing over a great cliff, no bottom in sight.
She turns in silence.
One step. Two. She's at Sakurako's door, opening it.
In a hollow trance, Himawari walks from Sakurako's bedroom to the front door and reaches down for her shoes. No noise can be heard throughout the house aside from the soft sliding sound of her socks slipping into her shoes, one and then the other.
Kaede will have already eaten by now. Mom knew that I was heading over to Kobe-san's. They're probably both asleep.
She steps to the front door and slides it open, the chilly night air breezing in.
I still have time to finish my homework.
She steps out.
I...
She closes the door behind her.
…
Himawari drops to her knees and stares at the ground. She knows she must be crying, because tears rain down onto the welcome mat below, but she can't make a single sound.
I should have kn-
"Hima...!" The door slides open behind her, but Himawari can't turn around. She's just going to try and console me, she's just going to try and tell me we can be friends, just friends, just fr-
"Himawari..." Sakurako slides her arms underneath Himawari's and wraps her hands together under her chest, her head resting on Himawari's back. Himawari looks over her shoulder and sees that Sakurako is kneeling behind her, still dressed in her chicken pajamas.
"Sakurako...I'm...I'm sorry," Himawari's voice is a cracking, hoarse cry. "I-
"I meant I don't know..." Sakurako mumbles. "I...don't know."
"You don't..." Himawari looks down at Sakurako's hands as they squeeze a bit tighter.
"I don't know...and...when I don't know something, you're supposed to help me figure it out," Sakurako sniffles, continuing, "because...you're my personal tutor."
"Your-" Himawari stops as an idea crosses her mind. "Sakurako?"
"...mmmmph?" Sakurako mumbles into Himawari's back, the warmth of her breath pushing Himawari's heartbeat faster.
"H...how do you feel when...when you're not around me, and you don't know when...or if...you'll be around me again?"
"Bad." Sakurako says immediately.
"And um...how do you feel when you are around me, or you know when you'll see me again?"
"...not...bad..."
Himawari looks down and places her hands over Sakurako's.
"How um...would...do...you want to be nice to me?"
"...no." Sakurako squeezes Himawari tighter, her hands moving up the slightest bit and brushing against the underside of Himawari's breasts. They linger there, Sakurako's left hand just above Himawari's hammering heart. "...maybe..."
Himawari turns, her legs shuffling as she rotates in Sakurako's embrace. Sakurako lets go and starts to lower her hands to her sides but Himawari grabs her hands in hers. They face each other, kneeling, their hands together. Sakurako squeezes Himawari's hands and continues.
"I d-didn't want to lose you," Sakurako's voice, a sound like tinkling glass, sends pinpricks of ice and fire through Himawari. "But...I don't know. M-mean Himawari... when I don't know, you're supposed to tell me the answers." Sakurako's hands squeeze tighter and she looks down, a brief sparkle of tears in her eyes.
Himawari's eyes widen, memories of all their study sessions washing over her.
"I can't tell you the answer," Himawari says, a warm smile on her lips, her eyes watering as she pushes back the chicken-pajama hood and takes Sakurako's chin in her right hand, tilting her head up, "but I'll stay with you as you figure it out...for as long as you need."
Sakurako's eyes, turned up to Himawari's, widen as she reaches her hands up to clutch the hand holding her chin. She brings it down to her cheek and presses against it.
"Erm...actually," Sakurako says, her voice a tiny, wobbly sound barely above a whisper, "I maybe...kinda... possibly figured it out...just now..."
"You..." Himawari's heartbeat speeds faster, her hand on Sakurako's cheek trembling. "You know the answer?"
"Say it again," Sakurako demands softly, moving Himawari's hand to her other cheek.
"S...say wh-"
"You know what!" Sakurako says louder, her eyes hard-set but glistening with tears. She brings Himawari's hand a thread's-breadth away from her lips, her quivering breath sending pulsing shivers up Himawari's arm. Himawari's lips tremble as she whispers her secret again.
"I...I love you, Sakurako..."
"...I love you more," Sakurako says smugly, tears running down her smirking cheeks, "and not in the cutesy couple way either, but in the 'I win' w-way." She brings Himawari's hand up against her lips and kisses it once, twice, three times, and then one last lingering, shivering press.
Himawari stares for a time as Sakurako trembles, her lips pressed against Himawari's hand. She laughs then, waves of relief washing over her as a new feeling flickers in her chest: a light, fluttery thing, fragile, bright and burning.
"You win? So what, am I your prize?"
"Maybe." Sakurako peeks up over Himawari's hand. "And what if you are, huh? What're you gonna do about it?" Himawari stares at her, her heart thundering in her chest. Sakurako lets go of Himawari's hand and reaches up, placing her hands on Himawari's cheeks.
"Sak-"
"Close your eyes," Sakurako demands, her own voice a crazed mix of a whisper and a cackle.
"C...? Why? Make me!" Himawari gasps back, breathlessly.
"B...because...you know..." Sakurako mutters, but her eyes stay locked on Himawari's. "If I have to look into your eyes the whole way, then...because they're so...pretty or whatever...so I might g-get distracted..." Himawari stares at her for a second, then closes her eyes obediently.
Sakurako's warm, uneven breath sends cool shivers down Himawari's back as she draws closer. Himawari parts her lips, her own breath nearly whistling out.
Sakurako's lips meet hers, pressing in.
Their lips move together in soundless words. Sakurako's breath fills Himawari. Himawari's ears burn hot, her arms shiver cold like icicles, and all through her body a buzzing cascade of lightning builds and builds. A little slice of eternity, warm and soft, smooth and sweet...
Himawari opens her eyes as Sakurako's lips slide away.
"N...not yet," Himawari reaches her arms behind Sakurako's head, pulling her forwards and tilting her head back. Below her, Sakurako's eyes stare up in surprise. Himawari touches her lips to Sakurako's slowly, softly, a lingering caress. She presses down harder, her hands moving Sakurako into her rhythm, press and release, press and release, their breath rising in wisps in the night air as they gasp then press together again, pushing until there's no breath left, gasping and pressing again. Again, too soon, Sakurako pulls her lips away.
"H-Hey! No fair!" Sakurako lays her head softly on Himawari's shoulder for a moment as she catches her breath, her hair tickling Himawari's cheek. She continues, her breath on Himawari's neck. "I'll tell you what, you give me some of that cake you brought and we'll call it even."
"You're so dumb, Sakurako," Himawari whispers, burying her face in Sakurako's hair.
"Shut up, Boobzillah," Sakurako says softly. They kneel outside Sakurako's house for a time, the warmth of their embrace a stubborn flame against the piercing cold of the night wind. Eventually, Sakurako wriggles away from Himawari and stands up, reaching her hand down and speaking softy, grinning.
"You ready?"
Himawari beams up at her, taking Sakurako's hand in hers.
"You want me to go with you? Ehhhh..."
"What, your breasts too heavy? You should be honored to be loved by the great Sakurako-sama." Sakurako blushes but keeps grinning as she pulls Himawari up and steadies her before leading her to the door. Himawari looks down at her hand, held tight in Sakurako's.
Sakurako opens the door and they go back in.
"We're home," Himawari says softly.
"We're home," Sakurako says, looking back.
Her little grin, her bright eyes, her cocked head.
"I love you Sakurako...you moron."
"Wha-?! I love you more...you more moron! Hi-moron-i!"
Rolling her eyes above a shining smile, Himawari slides the door closed behind them.
We're finally at the starting line, my beloved little idiot.