Chapter 11

Four days later my flying had gotten much better, though the muscles in my back were sore and aching the feeling of being in the air was worth every stitch of pain. Azriel had yet to return but he sent messages back with his spies updating me on his location and when he would return. I didn't know much about the war but he was apparently in Hybern monitoring the rise of a new king. They were having debates on who was to claim the throne and Rhysand wanted to stay as informed as possible on the developing situation in the foreign land.

After that first morning Cassian had taken to meeting me on the roof instead of coming inside so I ate breakfast alone reading a newspaper that had been dropped of this morning as I chewed on a piece of buttered toast. I downed the last of the coffee and placed my dishes in the sink washing my hands and slipping on my jacket, carefully easing my sore wings through the slits in the back.

Heading upstairs I grabbed my boots from my room on my way to the rooftop garden, going through the door the sun shone brightly as spring was warming the land and melting the snow. I sat down in one of the iron chairs and pulled on my boots as Cassian landed on the roof in front of me. I gave him a small smile as I finished putting on y second boot.

"good morning, up to the house?" I asked standing up bounding on my toes a little and I pulled my right arm across my chest stretching it out with my left. He shook his head and held out note to me, I gave him a quizzical look and took it from him unfolding it and my blood an cold as I read it.

Were going to the storm front camp. I knew little about the camp, I had never been there it was at the western most point of the night court almost the complete opposite of my home in the crestfall camp near the Illyeran steps. I looked up at him shaking my head, panic rising in my throat.

"No." I whispered. "no I-I cant im not ready." Tears stung my eyes ad my heart clenched and seemed to stop beating in my chest. all of a sudden the clear sky and bright sun seemed like a mockery, like it was taunting me with its cheery light and warm breezes.

Cassiain gripped my shoulders and forced me to look at him he gave me a reassuring smile and held out his hand, I handed him my notebook and watched him scrawl words onto the page. He handed It back to me and I had to take a couple calming breaths before I could read it.

I have business to attend there. No one will have any idea who you are, and you can get introduced to the females there that are training. Begin your work for Rhys by inspiring the females there it can be done. He was right. I had been taking advantage of everything I had been offered and forgot I had a job to do here. I had agreed to help the females train and stand up for themselves, an to help change the males minds.

"don't make me train there. I am not ready. But I will travel with you and accompany you to the camp. Its time I started earning my keep and making good on the promise I made to Rhysand when I accepted the job offer." Cassian smiled at me and with that he leapt into the sky the sun blinding me as I looked up at him. I did a couple more quick stretches and opened my wings stretching them out as well before I took off into the sky behind him.

We flew to the camp, making it there by lunch time we landed in the main street. Looking around I took steadying breaths as I took in the scenery around me. It wasn't large there was a tavern, a café, a general goods store and a medical center surrounded by homes. Following the road west with my eyes there was the sea and ships in the water. For fishing or for trade I had no idea but the glittering water and the salty breeze reminded me of velaris and helped calm me down.

A large male strode towards us, he didn't look old but he looked weathered probably from years of fighting and flying. He was muscular and intimidating and I was trying not to look nervous. flanked on either side by two younger looking males he strode towards us with a scowl on his face and crossed his arms when he stopped in front of us.

Cassian began to talk to the camp lord while the other two sneered at me looking me up and down and scoffing at my wings. I rolled my eyes trying to play off my nervousness, that is until the camp lord turned his attention to me. My stomach roiled at the gaze from the male, he was speaking to fast I couldn't rea his lips but he never took his eyes from mine. So I did the only thing I could do, stare him down. I don't know if he realized I had no idea what he was saying or not but I was hoping my silence was conveying a strong front and not complete lack of understanding.

I could feel a panic attack coming on, my heart was pounding in my chest and my palms got sweaty. I was having difficulty breathing and I knew they had to know, they had to smell my humiliation and defeat on me. I could see the males shifting from foot to foot like an animal sizing up prey.

Then Cassian rolled his eye, said something and it was done. The camp lord turned on his heel taking his welcome party with him. I wish there were someone here that could explain what was going on, this was going to be so much harder than I thought, and I wanted to just curl up in my bed and stay there forever. Why do I need to do this anyway? Then something in me snapped and I turned to Cassian.

'this is a joke, there is no way I can do this I have no idea what even happened just now." I was angry and I could feel my face getting red from embarrassment at admitting my failure and lack of confidence in myself. "how do you expect me to make any sort of difference with anyone when I panic at the thought of trying to communicate with anyone. How is this?" I asked gesturing to myself. "supposed to inspire anyone?" I finished crossing my arms.

He just looked me over and went to open his mouth before he pulled out his notepad and started scribbling. I looked around nervously hoping no one would realize what was going on before he hended it to me.

If you want to let this stop you then go ahead but I have business here. I looked up and he was already walking away from me toward the training ring where there was about 50 males running through exercises. I turned in a quick circle trying to make a decision when I finally turned to follow Cassian, shoving his notepad back at him when I caught up. He grinned at me tucking the pad away in his leathers as we headed to the arena. Trying to compose myself I folded my wings in tightly and clasped my hands behind my back as I walked next to Cassian in the ring.

We stopped at the front of the ring by the commander in charge of their training, Cassian exchanging words with him before he looked to me and he started speaking. Deep breaths I told myself, don't show fear. Inhaling deeply I blinked slowly and looked him up and down before saying.

"I'm sorry I'm not here to converse." In what I was hoping was a cool even tone before I looked away dismissively. Oh it had worked his face got red and I could tell he was pissed. So I turned on my heel and walked slowly add purposefully out of the training arena.

As soon as I was around a building and out of sight I vomited. I was trembling and clammy, as I wiped my mouth and pressed my forehead against the side of the cool building. I stood an straightened my shirt when I turned and made eye contact with a female carrying a baby. I froze and stared at her, as she stared back at me. She looked frightened ad she took me in wearing fighting gear and my armed. I raised my hands up to her trying to reassure her that I wasn't dangerous.

"its okay you can trust me im here to help you, don't you want to learn how to fight and to fly?" and with that she hurried away ducking her head and shielding her baby. I brought my palm up to my forehead and shook my head, boy was I screwing up my first day. Cassian final found me and wrote on his notepad.

lets go home. I had never been more relieved in my life, and with that I sprea m wings and took off into the sky.

Its been a hot minute since ive posted let me know what you think!