Okay, so technically, this isnt a direct sequel to Lily's Realisation. But, its almost identical in how its written (despite me not actually trying to do that) so i figured it was best to upload it here.
i do want to say, almost 5 years later, and i still dont have a better handle on lily's characterisation lol. she's still mostly a way for me to drive the plot forward and showcase an outsider pov for my boys.
i hope you guys like it, dont forget to tell me what you think! (i've also recently started using tumblr, you can find me under the same name if you wanted to chat! i post about harry, james, and sirius quite a bit)
It was sixth year, and the Patronus charm was definitely not supposed to be taught to them.
Lily knows that for a fact, because she has spent a long time poring over past syllabi, doing her best to prepare for a world that's as unfamiliar and closed off to her as ever, even five years in. But Professor Dumbledore was adamant everyone at least have an idea of what the charm is, what it does. The War outside was picking up its pace—it wasn't surprising to hear about a new atrocity every other day—and it seemed like the nightmare of the moment were Dementors. How You-Know-Who even got those horrific creatures under his control, Lily didn't understand but the truth was that he had. And innocent people were falling prey to their bloodthirsty ways— when you looked at the increasing numbers of soulless people found everyday it made perfect sense why the Headmaster would want to introduce something previously considered too advanced in their curriculum.
And Lily was adamant she would learn it, even if it killed her. There was, of course, the part of her that wanted to because it was a survival measure. She was a muggleborn and any skills she could cultivate, she would, especially one as relevant as the Patronus Charm, but even beyond that, she could recognise that it was a selfish, arrogant want. She wanted to get it right first, wanted others to acknowledge her worth, see that she belonged there just as well as anyone else.
Lily's fatal flaw had always been competitiveness, she knew that. She could not bear others doing better than her—it's why she always worked so hard on everything she did, and this would be no different.
They hadn't had DADA classes for almost a month—something about not finding a professor in time?—But now that they finally got one, Professor Harwick just spent the first half of the class only talking about the Patronus charm. Lily appreciated theory just as much as the next person, but this was getting ridiculous.
"-and it's really important to note that this is a class 5 level Charm. Most adults would have trouble with it, especially in situations where they actually need it- like facing a dementor—so I don't want any of you to feel disheartened when you don't get it, alright? It's important to know the spell, yes, but that doesn't make it any easier for children to learn so I would like all of you to manage your expectations from the beginning."
Oh, and did she mention he had the world's worst attitude when it comes to teaching? Lily can accept that the spell is difficult, but did he really have to drill it into everyone's heads that they can't manage it ever? How was that conducive to learning at all?
As she heard him still going on about the dangers of aiming too high or whatever it was, she barely refrained from rolling her eyes. A load of bullshit, if you asked her. Setting high expectations was the only way you could succeed, at least in her opinion.
In an attempt to get away from his words, however, her eyes roamed over the other students in the class. It was a Gryffindor only class for once (perhaps they realised that such an extremely complicated spell would require a better students to teacher ratio?) so there were only about fifteen others in the class.
She could see most of the others equally unimpressed at the lecture they were receiving, except for Marlene and Dorcas who were actually dozing off (Lily was always in awe at their audacity. She could never do that so openly in class).
Moving to the back of the class, she spotted a group of four boys that automatically had her lip curling up in distaste.
James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin.
As she'd realised was depressingly common for them, they were hardly paying attention to the class. Instead, Remus had a thick tome propped up in his hands and Peter was-doodling? on his parchment. James and Sirius, well, the two were goofing around like always. Heads pushed close together, muffled whispers and giggles escaping them randomly, it took all that Lily had to not send a Stinging Hex at their knees.
Was it really too much to ask for some respect in the classroom from those two? Granted, she could recognise there wasn't much of value being shared at that exact moment but it was the principle of the matter that counted. And it wasn't like this behaviour was new either. Those two had been like this in all the time she'd known them.
(Atleast they'd mostly graduated from the class clown behaviour, Lily thought. Their disruptions used to affect the whole class in the first couple years but they've definitely kept it to themselves since then, and she's not sure what changed but she's grateful either way. If she had to take one more dungbomb thrown into the air in the middle of a class, she would've definitely committed a crime)
Shaking her head to get rid of such useless thoughts, Lily went back to examining the wonder duo (Professor McGonagall had called them that sarcastically once and it had stuck to the point that Lily almost always found herself using it these days) who had, surprisingly, sat up and apart. It didn't look like they were paying any attention to the lecture, however, (big surprise there) and Lily can't deny that a part of her was highly curious as to how the two boys would do with the spell. It was no secret (however much it galled her to admit this) that they were exceedingly smart, and it never took them long to get a hang of any kind of magic. Of course, both of them had areas they excelled in- Transfiguration for James and Ancient Runes for Sirius, but she'd noticed that they tended to do well in classes regardless of their affinity for it. It grated something fierce in her because she never saw them putting enough effort in to get the results they do, and compared to how much she slaved away every single day to maintain her position in class, it basically seemed like no matter how much she worked, she'd always be second fiddle to the Purebloods who had all the advantages in this world. The wonder duo embodied that difference perfectly, in her mind.
A sudden clap ringing through the room brought her out of her thoughts, and she looked to the front of the class to see Professor Harwick with his hands together, beaming at the class.
"Alright everyone, now that everyone knows exactly what to expect from this piece of advanced spell casting, I'd like for everyone to stand in near rows of four so we can start casting. We'll start by only trying out the wand movements first, it's important for the action to be as crisp as possible. Then we'll move onto the enunciation and finally, we'll combine the two together, yes?"
A series of low pitched groans and murmurs were the only response he received from the class. While the quality of DADA teachers had been bad enough in the part that Professor Harwick seemed excellent in comparison, it still didn't mean that the sixth years had the sort of patience required to sit through this pattern of incredibly slow, almost first year level of learning.
"Good. Everyone line up then, and wands at the steady," he continued as if he hadn't heard the sounds of discontent emitted by almost every student in the class.
As everyone stood with their hands raised, wands clasped loosely, Lily focused on the instructions coming from the front of the class.
"Hold onto your wand firmly- not too tight. You have to be confident, but not afraid. Now, raise it away from you, with the tip pointing to the ground, and then immediately bring it down with a flick of your wrist. That should jerk it enough to go from pointing at the ground, to the air in front of you."
The words were followed by a step-by-step demonstration, and Lily felt her annoyance at being treated like a first year melting away in face of the familiar rush of learning a new spell. While reading and theory would always be her first love (she'd spent countless hours hidden in various nooks and crannies across the castle curled up with a different book), there was just something special about actually doing magic. The way she could feel the magic travelling through her veins, almost as if lighting her on fire, but in a good way. The reaffirmation that yes, she was a witch (because despite all the hardships she'd faced in the wizarding world, Lily would not give up being a witch for anything. It was one thing she'd fight tooth and nail for) and no one could tell her she didn't belong. Casting magic was such a beautiful, intimate act that she could never take for granted.
Her moment of peace was broken by a loud bark of laughter coming from the other end of the room, making her scowl.
Sirius Black
No one else except that infuriating boy laughed like that, as if he was on a personal mission to disrupt everyone around him. Lily opened her eyes (she didn't even realise she'd closed them) and saw the boy in question stuffing a fist in his mouth, presumably to stem the giggles still escaping. What could be so funny in this class, Lily wondered, and did he really have to be so ridiculously loud?
"Mr. Black, care to share what you find so hilarious about this charm with the class?" Professor Harwick's dry voice rang out through the room.
"Nope, I'm good, sir," Sirius cheekily replied, nodding his head slightly as if that was a serious question, not rhetorical.
Harwick raised an eyebrow, but didn't question him further (perhaps he realised the futility in doing so?), "Very well, I'd request you to keep it down for the rest of the class, however. Not everyone can be a genius like you."
The sarcasm was quite thick in his words, but the other boy facetiously tipped his head, as if in thanks, before slyly winking at his best mate to the side. Lily drew a long breath, slowly releasing it, trying to ignore the distraction and find her happy place like earlier before the wonder duo had ruined it (what was new there?)
When she had managed to get a semblance of calm like before, she gripped her wand tightly, carefully waved it in the necessary manner, and intoned, "Expecto Patronum!"
The feel of magic flowing rapidly through her veins; a warmth spreading from shoulder to arm before coalescing in her thumb and pointer finger; Lily's eyes widened as she saw a grey-ish mist pool at the end of her wand, floating in mid air for a few seconds before dissipating.
An amazed whoosh left her mouth as she registered the fact that she'd actually accomplished something, and as she cast a quick eye around the room, the first one at that!
"Well, there's something to be said for patience and waiting your turn, but nonetheless, that was a very good first attempt, Ms. Evans," Professor Harwick spoke from beside her, making her jump for she hadn't noticed he'd been standing so close.
"I-uh-That is-I apologise, Professor," Lily stuttered, slightly horrified to realise she'd completely forgotten about the rest of the instructions to wait- she'd been so absorbed in the rush, "It won't happen again, I just forgot myself for a second there."
"Hm," He gave her a knowing look, "It's quite alright. I understand very well the thrill of learning a new spell, but do keep it in mind for next time."
And with that he walked away, leaving Lily to bite her lip in consternation- she'd always hating being reprimanded by teachers, but at least this one wasn't mean about it.
Shaking her head slightly to get rid of the lingering guilt, she settled back against the wall to watch the rest of the class, which had now progressed to the actual spell casting while she was getting ahead of herself. She couldn't bring herself to completely regret it though, because she'd managed to do something and looking at everyone else, it seemed like she was the only one who could. Everyone else was saying the incantation in varying styles, without any success. She suppressed a smirk with a lot of effort- damn but it felt good to do something no one else could. That'll show the-
Wait.
Potter and Black were doing nothing. Not nothing as in- couldn't cast the spell, but nothing as in not even attempting to. Instead, they were just leaning against the far wall, shoulders pressed together, and wands tucked into their robes. They weren't even trying and that— that couldn't stand. How could Lily accurately gauge her performance if two students (two of the best, at that) weren't taken into account?
That just wouldn't do. But she couldn't do anything about it here, nor when she'd already been called out once. She'd have to catch up to them after class, distasteful as the idea seemed, and deal with it then. Hmph.
However, her plan to confront them after class took a backseat as she realised someone else must have had the same idea. As soon as the gong rung, Remus Lupin had grabbed the sleeves off both their robes and dragged them out of the room, a determined expression on his face. Lily hastily stuffed her parchment and quill in her bag before speeding up to them. She'd seen the expression on his face and it was very familiar- he was there to get some answers, and so was she.
Luckily for her, the four boys (somewhere along the way, Peter had tagged along for the ride) didn't go too far, only a couple corridors away into an abandoned classroom and by some supernatural stroke of luck, Lily managed to disillusion and silence herself before entering the room behind them. Some part of her acknowledged that this was—really fucking wrong, invading their privacy like this and she would tear anyone who tried to do this to her a new one, but on the other hand, she was really curious now okay? She couldn't just leave midway and besides, the door was closed now. She really couldn't leave without getting caught and that would just lead to awkward questions she wouldn't have adequate answers for.
Despite the Silencing charm, she made her way to the farthest corner as quietly as possible, not willing to tempt fate. Thankfully, she still had a good view of the four boys, and their voices travelled easily to her (thank the acoustics of the castle for that)
"Okay, care to tell us what that was about?" Remus demanded, his arms crossed across his chest. He wasn't the tallest of the group, nor the most muscular, but in that moment, with his deep voice and the scars on his face, he looked quite imposing, Lily had to admit.
She looked at James next, and had to hold in a snort when she saw (what looked like) honest confusion on his face. Of course he would be clueless.
"Um. You're gonna have to give me more than that, Moons," he replied slowly.
That was the other thing about them. The nicknames. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs- the four Marauders. The whole castle knew them (and Lily knew this for a fact because she'd heard Professors Flitwick and Dumbledore discussing what they could be about one day) yet not one could tell you where they originated from. As far as anyone knew, they were just a bunch of nonsensical words adopted by four preteen boys that just-stuck. Of course, Lily was just as curious to know the story behind them (knowing the four, it was definitely nothing as simple as 'oh, it just happened'—there had to be something there) but she would never show it.
"-know very well what I'm talking about, Prongs," Remus was talking as she got lost in her thoughts, and she gave herself a little mental shake to stay focused, "The Patronus charm. You two didn't even try to cast it, what gives?"
"You have to agree it's a little weird," Peter chimed in, voice soft as usual, "Usually you give it atleast a try before going off it."
Comprehension dawned on Sirius' handsome features (and the boy really was painfully good looking, even she had to admit that, it was quite unfair) before being taken over by sheepishness. Interesting.
"Ah, about that," he started, before biting his lip and exchanging a quick glance with James. It was like they held a whole conversation in those two seconds and Lily had to admire that level of closeness, that comfort with someone else. While she had her share of best friends, she knew there wasn't anyone (not even—Petunia) that she shared a bond like that with. "Well, we've already…tried our hand at it, you know?"
It wasn't just Lily's eyes that narrowed suspiciously at that. Remus seemed to have the same idea- that he wasn't telling the whole truth and he only raised an eyebrow in response. She admired his ability to stand his ground like that.
James looked up at the ceiling in contemplation for a few seconds, before sighing, "Alright, we'll show you, but this doesn't go outside this room, okay? We don't need any questions being asked in our direction."
Lily wondered what he meant by that. Why he thought casting a Patronus (and that was, if he was telling the truth about any of this) would raise suspicion. I mean, sure, people would be curious why and how two sixth years could do something like this, especially before they were taught, but there was nothing to be worried about there, was there? Plus, everyone knew how bright these two were, it wouldn't seem out of character for them to be dabbling around with stuff that wasn't meant for them. In contrast, there was no confusion or shock on Remus' or Peter's faces.
"Marauders' honour, you know it." Dorks, the whole lot of them. Who knew cheesy nicknames had that much power?
Nonetheless, Lily was painfully curious to see where this would go now. Even if they claimed to have tried the spell before, they can't have been too proficient at it, right? She'd heard it took months for someone to even cast a strong but non-corporeal Patronus. Having a proper form was—almost unheard of at this age. Looking at the quietly confident stance that Sirius took, and the more exaggerated one James had, though, there was a…very…small voice in the back of her mind that said that she was about to be proven wrong.
"Right. Nothing for it, then," James winked casually at his audience of two (three, if you counted Sirius, but she didn't. He clearly knew what was going on here), "Expecto Patronum!"
And if Lily was impressed at her wispy smoke, then she had to basically shield her eyes at the almost violent outburst of light that burst out of James' wand. Blinking rapidly, she focused on the sight in front of her and her first thought was 'I'm so grateful Mar taught me that extra-strong Silencing Charm' because the loud gasp she let out would've definitely given the game up.
Her second thought was a succinct 'Fuck.' because she was looking at one magnificent, beautiful stag, standing tall and proud. It was a huge creature, with its head slightly bowed. The first thing it did was scan the room, perhaps for threats, and Lily held her breath as it's gaze passed over her location without a single twitch. That could've been a problem. The next thing it did, after deciding there was no problem, was move over to Sirius and stand in front of him almost…protectively? Huh.
The boy in question looked at the Patronus with a fond (familiar?) smile on his face, grey eyes warm and smitten and woah, Lily had never seen him like this before. Sirius Black was a prickly human being. He was cold and cutting and an asshole, most of the time. Of course, he was a very charming asshole, and could insult you in a way that made it seem like he was giving you a compliment, kept you coming back for more, but that didn't take away from the fact that he was very…calculated around most people. The only times Lily'd seen a different version of him, one without a half smile or smirk or perfectly sculpted actions, was when she was seeing him interacting with the other three 'Marauders', most drastically with James. It was almost as if he was a completely different person when he was with him. And Lily could see it clear as day right now, with the fact he brought his hand up to the stag's antlers, petting it with—familiarity, almost.
"Prongs." A strangled whisper reminded her that there were others in the room besides her, Sirius, and the stag, and she immediately turned to look at Remus— who wasn't looking at James (who actually went by that name) but the Patronus itself with wide eyes. The expression on his face was shock and…awe and yeah, Lily could relate. Because she genuinely hadn't considered that a sixteen year old could cast a corporeal Patronus, regardless of whether they'd practiced it before or not.
And definitely not one as powerful as this one. Because there was no denying it. Even all the way across the room, Lily could feel the magic radiating off the creature. She felt the emotion that radiated off it, and it filled her with an awe that she didn't know she was capable of feeling for anything even tangentially related to James Potter.
"That's—when did you—how?" Peter stuttered, eyes wide and bemused. Again, she could relate.
"I practiced over the summer, but I only got my form a few weeks ago. Wicked, isn't it?" James grinned, happy and proud.
"It is, James, you know that, but why wouldn't you tell us?" Remus asked, slight hurt colouring his tone.
"It wasn't…I didn't want to bring any attention to it, to be honest, Moony. Plus, we'd be studying in Defence so there was no point, you know?"
"It was me," Sirius cut in, eyes fixed firmly on the stag, voice flat, "He learnt it for me, and he didn't want to break my confidence so he kept quiet about it."
"Padfoot?" Remus' voice was quiet, somber, and Lily couldn't help but wonder what could push someone to learn, and master, magic as advanced as this.
(She got her answer a few seconds later)
"You guys—kind of know already. My nightmares are terrible enough that nothing really works for me. But a Patronus is a protector, yeah? A physical embodiment of safety and all that. So well, Jamie thought if this didn't work, then nothing else would and gave it a shot. Thankfully, for all of us," he grinned sharply, "it did. Worked quite well, I'd say."
Silence—because how do you even reply to something like that? Lily certainly wouldn't know and looking at the other boys, she realised they didn't either. Remus had a grimace on his face, like he was beating himself up for bringing this up, and Peter was looking at the ground, awkwardly twisting his fingers.
And while she was sure their reasons were not the same as hers, Lily gets it. For one, imagining someone like Sirius Black having nightmares that were bad enough to be debilitating was…difficult. He was such a put together person that it was hard to think of him as being that affected by anything, for one. Lily had never seen him express a lot of emotion, and when put in contrast with James (who was always attached to him, and resembled a puppy more than human half the time), it almost seemed like he didn't feel anything at all. Bur even beyond that, it seemed like he had everything going for him in life as- he was a Pureblood from a rich, prestigious family, he had the student body and the Hogwarts faculty's respect and adoration, he was smart, good looking, and had a close knit group of friends- so looking in from the outside, it genuinely seemed like he had the perfect life. Before today, if anyone ever asked Lily what she thought of this idea, she would've laughed at the whole notion. And yet, here they were.
What reason would he have for lying about something like this to his closest friends?
While the other two were still stuck in a stage of awkward hesitation, James, on the other hand, was looking at his best mate with exasperation which she couldn't place until he spoke, "Really, Pads, do you have to be an asshole? It's just Moony and Wormtail."
The boy in question shrugged, irreverently, "They asked, I didn't want you to lie to them so I answered. Really, you two," he turned to the others with pursed lips, "it's not that serious, let it go."
"On this note, though, I've never been able to manage a corporeal Patronus, do you think this would be the moment?" He continued, stroking an imaginary beard thoughtfully, and simultaneously breaking the tension in the room.
"It can't hurt to try, eh?" Peter raised an eyebrow, "Go on then, let's see it."
"Alright, alright, hold your thestrals, Wormy," Sirius muttered before snapping his wrist to summon his wand from a hidden holster. (Lily had always wanted one of those but the one time she'd tried Mary's, the leather had itched uncomfortably at her forearm and she'd had to take it off)
He loosely held his wand, momentarily distracting Lily who would always be endlessly fascinated with the way people wielded their wands. Some, like her, held onto it tightly and firmly, almost as if afraid it would grow a mind of its own and wander away (not out of the realm of possibility in the wizarding world, she had to admit), or to ensure the spell wasn't messed up due to shoddy technique. Others held it sloppily, as if they didn't care. Lily harboured a healthy amount of disdain for people like that, because it felt like they never respected the magic enough. It felt arrogant, unwise.
And then there were people like Sirius, who were somewhere between the two. He was utterly unconcerned, yes, but not in a way that implied…ego? It felt like the stance of a person who was confident in their abilities, who knew they could wield the magic and not the other way around. It was a type of attitude Lily secretly aspired to cultivate, because that level of faith in both the magic and the skills one had was, frankly, enviable.
"Expecto Patronum," he spoke softly, deep voice caressing each syllable gently, as if he had no rush in the world. And unlike the explosion that came from James' spell, this one felt more like a gentle stream of magic. Lily held her breath as it kept going, taking what felt like an eternity. The magic twisted and turned in the air, hovering indecisively, before slowly forming a shape that was rapidly becoming familiar to her.
The stag. It was James' stag, and she had to take another glance at the previous one that was still hanging around just to double check that it wasn't the same one because the resemblance wasn't just uncanny, it was identical.
She immediately looked at the four boys' to see their reactions and was gratified to see shock lining every single one of their expressions, including James. So it was a surprise for all of them. Sirius however, contrary to others, had a very shuttered expression, as if he was deliberately suppressing all thoughts and didn't that look feel terribly familiar to Lily? It was the mask he had on most often in public, that of complete detachment.
But she didn't fall for it, because she'd seen the way his eyes had widened at the sight of the Patronus. He wasn't expecting this either.
She held her breath as she waited for someone to break the silence that had fallen over the room.
Surprisingly, it was Peter.
"We'll just, uh—" he jerked a thumb in the direction of the door, reaching out to grab Remus' sleeve with the other hand.
"No, wait, Peter-" Remus tried, eyes still fixed on the glowing creatures, but the other boy wasn't having it because he started physically dragging him away.
"Nope, let's go, we have that Potions essay, remember?" he pointed out, completely uselessly, because it's not as if anyone was gonna fall for that but points to him for trying anyway, she supposed.
And just like that, Remus' grumbles and Peter's entirely too nonchalant voice left the room, leaving a stiff Sirius Black, a dazed James Potter and an invisible Lily Potter.
Lily slowly exhaled as she took in the two boys in front of her. Sirius looked—supremely uncomfortable but not like he wanted to bolt, surprisingly (she didn't know how. She would've been out of the room if she'd been in his place). James had gotten himself in control and had turned to face Sirius, an unreadable expression on his face.
"That's—Prongs. Your patronus is me," he whispered and Lily blinked in surprise. That—didn't make any sense. Why would he say the patronus was him- not his, but him? And what was up with giving a name to the animal? The same nickname he used for himself?
Her brain quickly went through all the information she'd collected in the last half hour, starting from the way Remus himself had said Prongs to the stag and not his friend, to this moment. There was something…niggling in the back of her mind, a piece of information just out of her reach, and before she could get annoyed at herself for not getting it, James spoke again.
"I know you kept saying you'd never be able to master this spell but I always knew you could. You have too much love inside you to not be able to," he shrugged. (Lily couldn't reconcile what he was saying to what she knew. She'd never seen this side of either of them.)
"I just—I thought it would be Padfoot, you know? I was expecting a huge shaggy dog, not—"
"I wasn't," Sirius cut in, eyes still fixed firmly on the floor, but voice firm. Lily didn't even dare blink, mind whirring to process the implications of what she was hearing.
"Prongs is the protector, Padfoot is just…there," he continued, "All my happy memories have you in them. I've been trying to get this right for a while now. The one that worked was—you remember the day you finally got your form?"
"When you were dreaming about Walburga and Orion and nothing worked," James murmured softly.
"I didn't—I've never had someone do something like that for me. I was trapped in my own mind, terrified out of my mind that I was about to die, right there, and no one would ever know, won't ever find out what happened to me. And I wake up, panicking, and see this-this beautiful creature in front of me. It was—the sheer love that I could feel radiating from it, I—" he broke off suddenly, only to take a shuddering breath. His head was still bowed but she could see the trembling in his shoulders.
For the first time since she followed the boys, Lily regretted her hasty actions. Because this—seeing this proud boy break down like this, hearing this—it was such a disgusting violation of his privacy that she was—
She'd only wanted to satisfy her curiosity.
She'd never meant to eavesdrop on such a personal moment, but she could see no other alternative than staying quiet and not moving that wouldn't make things worse for everyone.
Without a second thought, James moved forward to wrap his arms around the other boy, carefully guiding his face to the crook of his neck, as if protecting him from the world around him. The whole action was instinctive, as if they'd done this hundreds of times before because Sirius immediately grabbed onto the back of James' shirt, tucking himself firmly against his body.
"That's the memory I used right now." Lily startled at hearing his voice again, slightly muffled from his position but clear nonetheless, "Prongs watching over me, you saving me, over and over again. I didn't exactly expect him to pop out just now, but…it doesn't surprise me either."
James didn't say anything, only pressed a painfully tender kiss to Sirius' head, fingers carding through his curls. His eyes were shut, but Lily could still see the emotions lining every inch of his face.
Neither of them said anything after that, and that was when Lily finally allowed herself to think about what she'd just heard.
'Prongs'
'Your patronus is me'
'I was expecting Padfoot…a shaggy dog'
'Padfoot…'
The way they referred to the animals as if they were—sentient beings, like they were familiar. How they used the names interchangeably for themselves and the creatures. How none of them looked surprised at the animal itself, just everything else.
She thinks about what could be the meaning behind the stupid nicknames.
(Prongs is a protector like you, James)
She thinks even further back, to Severus confiding in her, some crackpot theory about werewolves and Remus and 'that-old-fool-Dumbledore, Lily' that she's beginning to think might not've been so far fetched anymore. (Moony, her mind whispers)
To learning about Animagi in Transfiguration- the way they're a physical embodiment of your character and traits. She remembers the extra-credit readings, the theorised connection between animagi and Patronus forms (unconfirmed, because there weren't enough people who had both).
(Hadn't she always marvelled at the bond between these four boys, the side of Sirius Black that only comes out around them? Everyone in the castle knows how possessive he is, no one ever touches them and gets away with it)
She meticulously goes through all this information, plucked from all sorts of places and seemingly stewing in the back of her mind. She hadn't even realised how many things didn't make sense until this one thing came along and—tied it all together, like a christmas present with a neat little bow on top.
And though all the signs had been pointing to it since the beginning, Lily still felt lightheaded at this discovery (for she was absolutely sure no one else knew).
That these boys (and perhaps even Peter? Remus?) might be Animagi. Even—thinking it seemed ridiculous. How could four underage teens even manage something as magically advanced as that? It was—unheard of. But, wasn't the proof right in front of her eyes?
Granted, an actual transformation would be better, but Lily considered herself to be at least somewhat smart. This was the only conclusion that made sense. They thought they were alone, so it stands to reason everything they revealed was the truth as they believed it. There was no reason to put on a show.
Jesus. Animagus. And she'd thought the Patronus was too complicated for them. No wonder they'd managed to find their corporeal shapes.
"Siri," she heard James speak, "Look at me."
Lily looked up just in time to see Sirius pull back, his eyes determinedly dry.
"I love you," he stated simply. Lily's eyes widened at how easily he said it. She couldn't imagine being so casual about her feelings, with anyone. That kind of- vulnerability just didn't come to her. It seemed like Sirius couldn't either, because his neck and ears were steadily becoming pinker by the second. Lily stared at the sight—somehow out of the madness of this entire day, this was the most incongruous thing she could imagine. Sirius Black, blushing? Lord, what was this world coming to?
"God, you're adorable," James honest-to-god cooed, seeing the same thing as her. One of his hands came up to cup Sirius' cheek—always dwarfing the side of his face with how large it was—thumb tenderly stroking his cheekbone. Lily had to abruptly look away from the intimate touch. She couldn't even—she tried to think of anyone else who could get away with calling this prickly human adorable and came up blank. No one would ever dare. Forget saying it, even thinking something like that felt—wrong.
"Merlin, shut up, Jamie," Sirius grumbled, unwinding himself from the other boy.
"Oh no, can you imagine the population of Hogwarts seeing you all flushed like this? They'd lose their entire minds." Lily definitely had to agree with that. She'd seen the way people fell over themselves when it came to Sirius Black. And that was when he was all cold and unapproachable. She could only imagine the utter chaos if he was spotted like this— ruffled and flushed and, dare she say it, soft.
"I will end you, Potter," Sirius growled, looking much more like the scathing asshole she was used to with the sneer on his face, the bite in his voice. Of course, James didn't take him seriously, and only pressed a smacking kiss to his cheek, slinging an arm around his shoulder.
"If you say so, honey," he grinned cheekily, steering the two of them towards the door. Despite the lingering scowl on his face, Sirius had quite happily melted into his side like he belonged there, "Now, let's go find Moons and Wormy. Those poor sods did not sign up for this entire ordeal. Least we could do is get them some hot cocoa from the kitchens."
And nope. Lily Evans was not even going to think about how those two knew where the kitchens (which were supposed to be a tightly guarded secret?) were. She'd had enough earth shattering revelations for a day.
Even if she did need a hot cocoa (or ten) herself to wrap her mind around everything this afternoon had dumped on her.
if i'm being honest, my favourite part of this has to be the end when james is hugging sirius and says 'i love you' to him. it's just so soft.
the first few paragraphs about lily and her space in the ww and her personality is, once again, me experimenting with how i see her. (on that note, can i just say how hard it is to think of her in a way that doesn't turn her into a clone of hermione or molly? that view is so prevalent everywhere it's super hard to look past)
anyway. i hope this made some sense to y'all bc there's no point to it (it's v self indulgent) and it's kind of just ~there. concrit is always welcome, and leave a comment telling me what you thought! i love hearing ur words 3
thank you for reading!