Rusty Heart (IV)
(Published: 03.20.13 - Beta: Obiki Doragon)
It took Motoko quite some time to regain control of her emotions but Emiya didn't seem like he was in any hurry. When she finally stopped crying and stood back on her feet the only thing he said was:
"Shall we head back?"
She just nodded in response. Her throat was a bit too sore to speak and she was feeling quite embarrassed for her emotional breakdown. They walked back together silently, almost side by side at a much slower pace compared to the speed she used in her escape. It would probably take more than a few minutes before they got back at the inn.
It was just fine with Motoko. She had a number of things to think about, even more than she did the previous day. She knew now that her perceptions of the world were at least partially mistaken. Emiya's upstanding, almost Buddha-like, behavior had showed her that not every man was a vicious fiend waiting for her to drop her guard to assault her.
He probably was a unique exception to the norm, for no normal man would go at such lengths for the sake of someone who had repeatedly offended and tried to harm him without just cause.
But even if he was unique there was no denying that her judgment of him had been completely mistaken. Each and every time an issue with him arose involving a woman she automatically assumed he was in the wrong, that his intents were less than pure.
She might not have been mistaken each and every time a man approached her, but how many men had she pushed away with her sword thinking they had ulterior motives? How many had she struck with her sword, thinking their relentless courting would turn to harassment if given the opportunity?
Obviously she couldn't tell. She always struck before any of those men could prove their true colors and she did so out of sheer prejudice. How shameful. No wonder she hadn't been able to see that Emiya was much stronger than her with a sword. Her pride and her misconceptions had blinded her to the truth and she rushed head first in a situation that might have ended much worse, if her opponent's objective wasn't merely to open her eyes.
But open her eyes to what? Of course she now realized that she had been mistaken in passing judgment before the targets of her wrath could truly prove themselves, but realizing that simply meant she stopped walking down the wrong path. The problem now was finding the right direction to move.
'Live on as a woman,' Emiya told her and Shisui agreed with him, apparently. But what did it mean to live as a woman? For all of her life she wanted to avoid doing exactly that, preferring to become a master in the way of the sword. After all, every woman close to her who had decided to embrace her femininity had…
Never mind that! She had already ascertained that it was a misconception, that her experience was flawed and she had made no effort to broaden her horizons, opting to hide behind her blade each time an exponent of the opposite gender approached her. Yes, in hindsight being forcefully separated from Shisui was exactly what she needed to actually face her fears and grow as a person.
That Emiya-san had been able to see past her aggressive behavior and realize what she needed, taking steps to set her on the right path even when she was trying do him harm, was both humbling and awe-inspiring. She could not begin to fathom the depths of this man's soul, but from now on she would make sure to keep an eye on him all the time, even if it was for a reason completely different than the first time she resolved to do exactly that. Truly, her life had been turned upside down more than she had realized and even if she was still unsure and more than a little scared, for the first time in a long while she didn't regret it at all.
When they finally arrived at the inn they found the rest of the tenants debating loudly about going out to look for them, only to abruptly drop the conversation when they walked in.
"Motoko, are you all right?" Naru asked rushing at her side but glancing somewhat worriedly at Shirou as she did so.
Shirou just stepped past her and the others like nothing unusual had happened, heading toward his room. He wasn't feeling like explaining why his face was wounded, they could figure it out if they examined the trend of the past few days. Moreover he didn't want to explain why those wounds would disappear in a matter of minutes. The working of Avalon within him could only be slowed down by cutting Prana to it but eventually his wounds still healed much faster than normal. He'd put some bandages and gauze on his face and pretend to be healing normally. No need to attract any more attention to himself than he already did.
When he came out of his room half an hour later his face was covered with gauzes simulating the swollenness beneath them with a few layers of bandages. He would keep them for a day at least and if anyone brought up his fast healing he would simply dismiss it as his wounds being less serious than they looked. It wasn't the first time he spun that particular story after all.
He was pretty much sure that this had been the apex of the incident with Aoyama, as he was sure that the young woman had enough steel in her to find her balance once more and start anew.
The poor hapless idiot couldn't even begin to imagine how deep the grave he dug for himself actually was. He would, however, realize it very soon.-
"Motoko, what happened?" Naru asked worriedly. "Did he do something to you? If he has so much as touched a hair on your head I'm going to-"
"Naru-senpai," she said calmly, frowning at her accusation of Emiya. Did she also sound so unbelievably annoying when she ranted about him before? "Nothing happened with Emiya-san. He did not act in an untoward manner at all."
"But his face…"
"That was entirely my fault," she said sounding honestly chagrined at the memory. "I have yet again misunderstood a situation and unjustly lashed against him. Thankfully he accepted my apologies and does not hold any resentment toward me."
"Oh, um... well, that's nice," Naru finally settled to say with a look on her face that was mixture of surprise and disbelief.
"Naru-senpai, I understand your opinion of Emiya-san but I came to understand that he's nothing like anyone I ever met before. I don't think I could explain it in a way that made sense but I believe that he would never raise a hand against a woman or anyone else first. He is… honorable and trustworthy."
"Motoko! This is the guy who took away your sword, remember?"
"He is not," Motoko replied flatly. "It was not him who took away my sword from me, Naru; rather it was I who foolishly lost sight of what meant to hold a blade. Emiya-san merely picked up what I dropped without even noticing."
"But-but-but… That makes no sense! Motoko, what has he done to make you to behave like this?"
"What has he done, you say? He put up with me when I acted like a child and demanded things that did not belong to me. He has put up with me, when all did was try to find him at fault with anything and everything only to blame him for my failing at doing exactly that. He put up with me when I shamelessly tried to kill him because he had proven himself to be stronger than me with a sword. That is what he has done, Naru."
"I- I see…" Naru replied with no little amount of shame. After all she did some of those same things as well. "I-I guess we really did act out of the line with him, did we?"
But at least it seemed that the older girl was able to realize her own errors without going at the same lengths Motoko had to be pushed.
"Yes, I'm afraid we did. No matter how negative our previous experiences with men in general have been, I came to realize that we have taken too many things for granted and never tried to understand how much we were in the right and how much we were in the wrong."
"We should apologize, I think."
"I have already done so," Motoko replied with her usual monotone voice only slightly tinged with shame, "though I don't believe that a simple apology is enough to make up for how I behaved."
"Motoko-senpai," Shinobu said timidly, "I think that Emiya-san wouldn't mind if you just apologized sincerely."
"No," Motoko shook her head, "he has already accepted my apology and as I said he does not hold any grudge toward me. I don't think he ever held one in the first place."
She went silent for a moment then broke in a bitter chuckle.
"What is it?" Naru inquired, not missing the dark tinge in her voice.
"Don't you realize? All the efforts we put to oust him or to force him to comply with our demands we have been acting like children who couldn't have the treat they wanted and whined pointlessly about it, while the adult kept doing what he was supposed to do without making a fuss out of our antics. He never once returned our pettiness and never once lowered himself at out level or gave in to our demands without a good reason." She gave a long, weary sigh. "What have I been doing with my life until now?"
"Wow, Motoko-chan," Kitsune cut in with her usual cheerfulness, though it was evident she was trying to raise the mood, "that's some deep insight you got going there, but aren't you being too harsh with yourself?"
"I think I have not been harsh enough, if I have to be honest. Emiya-san has been far too accommodating with me… with us until now. Regardless of what is our personal opinion of our manager, I believe he has at least earned, no, he deserves at least a modicum of respect on our part."
Shinobu nodded vigorously in agreement, though she was the only person to get along with Emiya without a fuss and even Kitsune seemed to be at least considering the thought. Kaolla was just listening and smiling like she usually did, even if Motoko was of the opinion it didn't reach her eyes and that she was contemplating something else entirely. She never did understand that odd girl completely, even if they did get along quite well in spite of their extremely different characters, but in hindsight the number of things she knew she didn't understand had increased conspicuously in the past few days.
"Well, I suppose I should at least try to get along with him, shouldn't I?" Naru asked rhetorically, scratching her check with one finger and gazing awkwardly to the side. "We did give him a rough time since he arrived, after all."
"Yes, that is certainly something no one could ever deny. Well, then. I shall return to my room. There are many things I need to ponder."
"Right…Motoko? If you need to talk or anything, don't be afraid to ask, alright?"
"I'll do that. Thank you, Naru-senpai."
"Well, that was different," Kitsune said casually. "Never thought I'd see the day when Motoko-chan would admit she misjudged a man.
Personally Naru agreed with her old-time fried. Quite frankly she did understand Motoko point of view and to a degree she also shared it. They did make life difficult for the new manager, and frankly he probably didn't deserve half of that. Yes, she still felt like he was an intruder but then again he made no secret of feeling like one too.
It was indeed childish, Naru agreed, that they needed him to keep the dorm from going back to be an inn but at the same time not wanting him around them at all. It was like wanting the cake and eating it too. Sure they didn't start on the right foot, if she wanted to use an euphemism, but it was only them who didn't let go of the issue even weeks after the fact and it was them again who tried every day to find him at fault for something only making a fool out of themselves in the process.
Just like children, trying to outsmart an adult. She held onto a perceived slight that was actually no one's fault and clung to it desperately trying to find in it confirmation of her beliefs over the male gender in general.
That wasn't fair to Emiya. That wasn't fair to anyone and she knew it, not even herself. Moreover she considered herself to be better than that. It was also high time to prove it… if only she found the courage to do so.
Motoko's life returned to a measure of normalcy after her emotional breakdown, but she was nowhere close to be at peace with herself. She still didn't sleep very well; spending long hours awake into her futon thinking about the meaning of living as a woman.
So she thought about it.
She thought about it at breakfast.
She thought about it at school. - "Aoyama-san, please pay attention." - "Gomennasai, sensei!"
She thought about it at lunch.
She thought about it on her way home - "Hey! Watch were you're going, damn it. Kids these days."
She thought about it at home.
She thought about it at dinner. - "Waaah, it's hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!" - "Here, have some water!"
She thought about it in her futon.
So yes, thinking about it was pretty much everything she did and as a result of her effort the answer she obtained was…absolutely nothing.
Three days of relentlessly searching for answers only served to wear her out completely until she could think no longer. No matter how much thought she put into it, the answer kept eluding her.
She had to ask someone for help, but who?
Kitsune was out of the question. Her advices only served to dig a deeper grave for whoever went asking for them. Naru had her own issues when it came to genders, so that pretty much excluded her as well. Shinobu… well, she was indeed female and without issues about it, but she was far too young and naïve to have the answer Motoko was looking for. Kaolla… just… never mind that. Something in Motoko's brain told her that it was a bad idea from the get-go. Haruka was a woman, but to be quite honest she hardly ever showed an ounce of femininity, though Motoko would not tell her she thought so. Ever!
The last person she could think of was her sister, but asking such question to her was like admitting something was wrong and Motoko didn't want anyone from back home to put their noses in her life right now. It would be the worst possible disaster.
She was at an impasse, then. There was no one else she could ask… Wait a moment! Of course there was someone with the answer close by. Why didn't she think of it sooner?
Without even stopping to consider her choice she hastily put on her hakama and stormed out of the room, looking for her target!
Shirou's realization that things with Aoyama weren't quite solved came bursting out of his nose one evening after dinner. Well, what actually burst out of his nose was just tea, scorching hot tea to be precise, but the two events were closely related.
Now, Shirou had become rather skilled in dealing with sudden and unexpected situations with an emotionless face, but as a man there were things he couldn't just dismiss so easily.
Things such as a determined Aoyama Motoko, with bags under her eyes, storming toward him while he was sitting with Shinobu in the kitchen, and slamming her hands on the table as she bowed, saying something that sounded remarkably like:
"Emiya-san, please make me into a woman!"
Cue tea shooting out of Shirou's and Shinobu's nostrils. Now, it might have been his mind playing tricks on him, but taking into consideration Shinobu's reaction he was fairly sure he hadn't misheard what Aoyama had just said. Therefore, the only appropriate response he could come up with, as soon as his drink finished to vacate his nostrils was a horrendous cough.
Granted, it wasn't much of an answer but it did manage to convey his great confusion. To be honest, he did know that what she meant wasn't what she actually said, but there is such a thing as proper wording. Aoyama could have definitely found a better way to phrase her request, a concept that Shinobu was more than willing to explain to the older girl.
"M-M-Motoko-senpai!" she shrieked indignantly, her face ablaze with embarrassment. "Please think about what you just said."
Motoko glanced at Shinobu in confusion, and then looked at Shirou who was still trying to regain his bearings with little success. Finally comprehension seemed to dawn upon her as her eyes widened and her face lit up in a shade of red that could not be healthy, unless she had a tomato ancestor.
"Ah... no… that's not what I meant at all. Oh, god. How shameful. I'm sorry, Emiya-san. I just… I'm sorry!"
Her embarrassment having reached obviously unsustainable levels, Motoko opted to bow in apology and then run out of the room as fast as she had arrived, almost bumping in a shocked Naru and a grinning Kitsune who seemed to have overheard their conversation as they passed by the kitchen.
"Well, Shirou-kun," the resident fox said, looking at the still recovering manager, "you're good. A week ago she wanted to kill you, now she wants to jump your bones. What's your secret?"
"Konno-san," he sighed wearily, "joking is fine but please don't make fun of others people's problems. Right now Aoyama-san is still confused about a number of things; please don't add any more weight to her burden."
"You are too good, you know, Shirou-kun? I might just eat you up," she said teasingly.
"Please don't," he deadpanned, slipping out of her reach.
"Spoilsport," she pouted, but then turned serious. "But you do realize this is all because of you?"
"Yeah," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "I guess I'd better take responsibility then."
Moving past the duo he followed after Motoko, who had made a tactical retreat to her room, and knocked twice on the wooden doorframe.
"W-who is it?" the voice of the startled girl asked from inside.
"It's Emiya. Could I speak with you for a moment, Aoyama-san?"
"Ah! J-just a moment please."
From outside the door Shirou heard the sound quick but light footsteps and the closet opening and closing. A moment of silence passed and then she called him to come inside. Shirou stepped inside the room and noticed that it was a tidy as ever but he supposed that Aoyama had thrown whatever she had out of place into the closet. He didn't hint about this knowledge of course nor did he let his eyes wander around too much. Even though he hadn't been in her room after his initial inspection everything seemed to be in order.
Instead he focused on the tenant, who was sitting at her table with her gaze cast down and a slight tinge of red still adorning her cheeks.
"I'm sorry about before," she apologized as Shirou sat in front of her.
"It's all right," he replied warmly with a tinge of amusement. "I am no stranger myself at blurting out things with the worst possible phrasing and timing. Don't worry about it."
"I see," she said still not looking straight at him. Silence fell between them for a moment, until Shirou spoke again.
"I was under the impression that you wanted to ask me something," he told her seriously.
"I…," Aoyama began but immediately stopped. Taking a deep breath she finally stared straight in his eyes. "Emiya-san, what does it mean to be a woman?"
Shirou blinked and then blinked again. Right, when he first decided to force Aoyama to face her issues he knew he was setting her to confront things she had avoided for a long time. He did not expect her, nor he would anyone else, to face deep-rooted problems on her own. In fact he was pretty sure she would have sought counsel from somebody, maybe a family relative. He knew thanks to his Tracing of Shisui that she had an older sister – Tsuruko - who wielded the blade before her. From the memory of her giving the sword to Motoko he could tell that the two were at least in an amiable relationship so Shirou expected that the fallen kendoka would refer to her in regards to this peculiar topic.
Apparently his assumption was wrong.
"I admit that I didn't expect you to ask me of all people about something like this, Aoyama-san. I 'm not sure I can give you the answer you seek as I have never been a woman myself." There was a hint of humor in his voice and he was glad to see that Motoko's lips quirked slightly upward.
"I guess asking a man was not the best course of action after all," she replied, amused by her own choice of counselor. "I'm sorry for having troubled you again, Emiya-san."
"Women are strong."
"W-what?"
"That's what my experience with women taught me," he explained. "They got to be the strongest creatures on this planet."
"You, ah, you really think so?" Motoko asked, eye-wide and attention fully focused on him.
"Hm," he confirmed. His eyes were no longer looking at her but were gazing out of the window, seemingly looking at something in the distance. "You know? The person who first taught me how to properly hold a sword was a woman too."
"Really? How strong is she?"
"To this day I'm nowhere close to match her skills," he admitted, causing Motoko's eyes to widen even more. "But her strength wasn't just in her arm or her blade. That's not what made her truly strong."
"What was it them?"
"Just like all the women I had the chance to get to know intimately later in life, her strength was her ability to accept her mistakes and make up for them, her ability to admit her own weakness and move past them. She never ran from the consequences of her choices but shouldered them until the very end. She wasn't without fault or without flaws, but she didn't allow them to dictate who she was and always strove to surpass those limitations."
"S-she sounds like an amazing person."
"Yeah," he agreed wholeheartedly, "she was the most brilliant example of a woman's strength to me, but she was hardly the only one. I don't know if it's just me, but every time I find myself looking up to someone for a reason or another it's always a woman. I'm not sure where that leaves me as a man," he chucked, "but I can't help but feeling like this."
"I see," Motoko replied numbly, seemingly dumbstruck by Shirou's vehemence.
"I don't know if what I said will be of any help to you, Aoyama-san, but please give it a thought."
"I most certainly will," she told him with a distant look in her eyes and a certainty in her voice that had been missing for a while. "Thank you for this conversation, Emiya-san."
"It was my pleasure, really," he told her warmly, standing up again. "Feel free to ask if you have further questions and I'll answer at the best of my ability. It might not be much but-"
"No," she interrupted him. "No, you have been a great help already. Thank you, Emiya-san. I am in your debt."
After showing him out, Motoko sat near the window looking out while lost in thought.
She hadn't expected that kind of opinion from Emiya. When he told her to live as a woman she had imagined that he meant for her to live a demure existence, shying away from challenges and conflict. Quite bluntly she believed he told her she belonged in the kitchen, even though he never even hinted at something like that.
It was again her misconception that led her to make a fool out of herself in endeavors in which she had no previous experience. That was not to say she was negated for such activities, but in her haste to prove herself she put too much vigor in her attempts and screwed up each and every time.
Again the depths of her foolishness seemed to extend some more. She had been too hasty, too anxious to find a new balance, forgetting the first rule of doing anything correctly: thinking things through. Well, no more. She had something to work with now.
Accepting her mistakes, making up for them. Acknowledging her weaknesses and moving past them.
Yes, it seemed like an enormous task now that she realized how misguided she had been, but with this knowledge she could move forward again. The first, small step a long path, but a step nonetheless.
For the first time in a long while she was eager to get started.
"Well, that was interesting," Kitsune said removing her ear from the wall that separated her bedroom from Motoko's. By her side Naru, Shinobu and Kaolla did the same, the latter having appeared out of nowhere when they all silently decided to eavesdrop on Shirou's conversation with Motoko. The foreign girl had a knack for appearing when there was something juicy going on.
"Yeah," Naru agreed. "I didn't expect that sort of answer from that guy either."
"Naru-senpai, Emiya-san is not a bad person," Shinobu repeated, speaking again in defense of her proclaimed hero. It was amusing to the resident fox how the shy and soft spoken girl was quick to speak in favor of their kanrinin. She was still reluctant to speak her mind when she wasn't absolutely sure of her opinion. but that only served to highlight how highly she regarded the Inn's only male.
Kitsune still knew very little about Shirou's past and circumstances but she could already tell that he was not a common person by any stretch of the imagination. His skill with a sword aside, what made him remarkable in her eyes was the way he seemed to shake the status quo just by not budging from his positions.
He had character, looks and by having become the landlord he definitely had money, but none of this was reflected in his everyday behavior. It wasn't normal, in her eyes, that someone with so many good qualities would not boast them at all. She had the firm impression that he was doing everything in his power to keep under the radar. For what reason she didn't know but she would be damned if she'd let such an interesting subject out of her sight.
She'd turn every stone and figure out what made him tick or her name wasn't Konno Mitsune.
" –tsune!"
"Waaah! What is it, Naru?"
"What is it with you?" the brunette asked back, frowning. "You've been spacing out for a while."
"Ah, ah, sorry about that. I was just thinking that's all."
"Hmm," Nary narrowed her eyes at her. "When you think too much someone gets broke. Are you planning something involving Emiya?"
"What do I get if I tell you?" she asked playfully.
"So you are plotting something!"
"It might surprise you, but no. I'm just curious about him for. Aren't you all?"They all nodded more or less, Kaolla the more enthusiast of the lot as usual. Shinobu's nod was a shy as her and Naru's was begrudging, as she didn't want to admit that she could find any form of interest in a man after the negative experiences she had with them. Not that she could blame her for being cautions, though it didn't excuse her attitude toward them.
For a moment Kitsune hoped that Shirou could shake Naru's convictions like he had done with Motoko's but she discarded the thought immediately. She wasn't privy to what caused Motoko's issues with the male gender but her longtime friend problems couldn't be solved with a sword-fight.
"So, do you have a plan or something?" the brunette asked, mistaking Kitsune silence.
"No, not really," she lied. No use in stirring their interest if her investigations turned out to be fruitless. "For now I'm just observing him when he's around. I can't just prod him too much on his life after he tore us a new one over his privacy, you know."
"Yeah," Naru agreed. "That was a major blunder on our part. Uh, I realize just now we never did apologize for stalking him that night."
"Eh," the fox shrugged, "it doesn't seem like he's holding a grudge over that."
"Grudge or not we really did cross the line with him several times," the brunette groaned. "Don't you think we should at least make the token effort of apologizing? You know, for the sake of a peaceful cohabitation?"
"What's the use? If he doesn't hold a grudge then there's no point in saying we're sorry. Besides I'm just sorry that he busted us, not about following him."
"I should have known better than to call upon your conscience."
"Now, now," Kitsune grinned, not at all offended by her friend's comment. "It's not like anyone was hurt over it and if even he doesn't care I don't see why I should."
"Suit yourself, then. I'd rather make things as even as possible with him. I don't like being indebted with anyone."
"Well, I don't really have that problem," she smugly. "I can wriggle my way out of any sticky situation with my irresistible charm."
"This behavior is going to put you in some real trouble one day."
"I'll take my chances. Besides, what would life be without a little risk?"
"Longer," Naru deadpanned causing Shinobu to giggle.
"Aw, you're no fun at all, Naru-chan. That gloomy attitude deserves a punishment. Tickle war!"
With that declaration the vulpine woman leaped at her friend, tackling her to the ground.
"No, what are you- AH! Ahahahaha! Q-q-quit it, Kitsune! Gyahahaha!"
But Kitsune wasn't about to let her go so easily, for if there was one thing she would never give up it was her own entertainment, something that Emiya Shirou would come to realize soon enough.
Outside of the room filled with laughter, Emiya Shirou listened to their conversation, leaning his back against the wall and with his arms crossed over his chest.
They hadn't been as silent as they convinced themselves to be when they snuck in Kitsune's room. Even then his hearing was sharper than most, even when not Reinforced.
Normally he would have been annoyed at this breach of privacy, but he knew that even if the girls weren't really all that close, they cared and looked out for each other. In their eyes he was still an intruder, a trespasser and they sought to protect each other from harm. He of all people could not fault the wish of wanting to protect someone, so he simply stood straight and left the group of girls to their shenanigans. They mostly were a difficult bunch to deal with but deep down they were all good people. The kind of persons he wanted to protect. For that reason he could at least tolerate a few harmless misgivings.
The next day, when Motoko left the Hinata-sou in direction of her school the next morning she no longer had the signs of a restless night upon her face. She looked well rested and far more certain of herself than the previous days. That's not to say that she didn't feel anxious or nervous, but those feelings no longer ruled her thoughts. She had a purpose again; a course of action she had pondered about and that she was certain was correct for her to follow.
She could not envision what consequences this choice might have, or rather she refused to listen to what her uncertainties tried to whisper to her conscious mind. Her heart pounded in her chest with increasing tempo as she approached her school but she didn't let a drop of her inner turmoil to show on her face.
She strode past the gates far earlier than usual and purposely headed to the part of the grounds where she knew she'd find what she was looking for. As she preceded toward her destination the number of students around her dwindled and when she finally slipped behind the main building she was alone… with the people she intended to meet.
When she turned around the corner all conversations ceased. The five boy's eyes all locked onto her and it took all of her willpower not to flinch under their scrutiny. For a moment she thought that walking straight into the lion's den was probably not the most intelligent choice but she refused to back away out of fear. Besides this was where she put her preconceptions at trial. If she ran away now she could never find the confirmation she sought.
When they recognized her, the three of them who were sitting stood straight up, glaring at her. She forced herself not to step back.
"Aoyama…-san," the tallest addressed her, putting an arm sideway to stop the others from advancing in her direction as well as taking charge of the situation. She hadn't seen him in almost a year, but she immediately recognized him as Komuro, the silently proclaimed leader of the male half of the kendo club. The half of the club that she ostracized at every step and turn, fought and humiliated until they abandoned the sword and left. "Is there something you need?"
No courtesy, but no impoliteness either. It was far better than what she thought she would receive from them considering their history. She took a deep breath and ignored that part of her that screamed for her to run and not look back.
"It has been brought to my attention," she said in an even tone of voice and the slightest frown on her face, "that I have treated you as well as a number of other people wrongly in our past interactions. Because of my prejudice and personal dislikes I caused you to abandon kendo. It might not be enough but I came to apologize."
She concluded her statement in a deep bow, an act that sent the remnants of her pride screaming in fury, but she forced herself to swallow that feeling. A long tense moment went by and when she looked up Komuro had closed the few meters between them with fast silent steps without her even noticing. Motoko stood straight up again, forcing herself not to step away from the taller boy who was peering down on her with steel-like eyes.
She had no time to blink that a fist whizzed past her face, faster than she could hope to dodge if it was truly aimed at her. She was shocked by the speed, all the more so when her skin tingled with the familiar sensation of a ki discharge.
Both his speed and that ability were far beyond what he was capable of a few scant months earlier, when they last sparred. It was not something that could be achieved by chance, but it was rather the result of a harsh training. It was not at her level yet, and it probably would take him a few more years to reach her current level, but to think that this man who she had driven away would improve so much in such a short time was astounding. How was it possible?
"Aoyama-san," he began with his fist still outstretched beside her face, but absolute calmness in his voice and on his face, "aren't you thinking a bit too highly about yourself?"
"W-what?" she hissed. "I came to apologize, is that not enough? Do you want me to prostrate myself further?"
"As I said," he continued; retreating his fist, "you're thinking too highly about yourself. Driving us away from the club? Abandoning the sword? Don't make me laugh. You never had that power over us."
"But…You have kept practicing the way of the sword outside of school?"
"Of course we did," he remarked stepping back from her and emphasizing his use of the plural. "Did you really believe that we had abandoned kendo just because you defeated us every time we sparred? Please do not insult us. While it is true that your attitude was infuriating most of the time we would never give up our passion for the sword over something so silly. If anything, we always considered you someone to surpass," he chuckled, "all the more so to rub our eventual victory in your face."
"But then… if it was not because of my behavior why did you leave the club at all?" she asked in bewilderment.
"Because the gap between our abilities was far too wide for us to cross. None of us could hope to match your skills and you weren't willing to teach us either. The rest of our club-mates weren't enough of a challenge to make us improve in the slightest, no matter how much we practiced. We left the club because we needed different and stronger opponents to pit ourselves against. Aoyama-san, if anything it was because of you that we were able to realize how far we still have to go with our swordsmanship. As for those who really abandoned the sword over a defeat, people like them had no reason to hold a blade to begin with."
Motoko was speechless. All of this time they had not given up the sword? Her behavior didn't deter them from being kendoka? How… how shameful. In her attempt to apologize she had actually insulted them, calling them weak-willed. Her mistake in their regards was not just mere mistreatment, but looking down upon them as if they were not worthy of holding a sword. She really had failed in understanding them completely.
"My apologies," she bowed again. "It was not my intention to insult you."
"Apology accepted," Komuro told her evenly and behind him even his friends nodded after exchanging a meaningful look. "Though I wonder, is this change of heart brought by your own recent defeat I've heard about?"
She flinched.
"Hai," she admitted, "though it's just part of the reason."
"I see. I will inquire no further, but it's a shame that you were forced to abandon the sword before we had the chance for a proper duel."
"Indeed," Motoko found herself agreeing, much to her surprise. "But I'm working toward regaining the right of holding my sword again."
"Well then, I suppose I'll come challenging you some time in the future."
"I'd like that Komuro-san. Arigato," she found herself nodding, before turning to leave.
"Aoyama-san," Komuro's voice stopped her. She looked back at him. "This person who defeated you… how strong is he?"
She blinked. Yes, how strong could Emiya-san actually be? The truth was that…
"I couldn't even being the scope the true level of his ability," she told him, surprised at her own statement.
"I see," Komuro told her with a glint in his eyes that spoke of eagerness and anticipation. It was the kind of look of someone who was looking forward to something. The eyes of a true swordsman. "Thank you, Aoyama-san."
She inclined her head in acknowledgment and left, head filled with thoughts about her recent realizations. How much did she still have to learn about herself and other people? No wonder her growth as a kendoka had been halted if she had failed to understand her own self and her surrounding so badly.
At least now, just like Komuro-san, she had something to look forward to.
The rest of the day was not on the same high note but it was still better than what she had feared. She had apologized to a number of other people she thought she had wronged in the past, with varying degrees of reactions. Most simply accepted her apology, not really even recalling her slight until she reminded them, a few were taken aback by her chance and some of those even congratulated her for having the courage of coming forward and say she was sorry. Only a very small minority scoffed and rebuffed her apology, but those people were probably those few she hadn't been wrong about.
All in all it had been a positive experience and by the end of the day she felt lighter than she did in years. With the barest hint of a smile on her features she made her way back home.
From now on, things could only improve. Couldn't they?
It was a day just like every other for the passengers of the last train to Hinata City. Businessmen and housewives alike rode that carriage each and every day but this time another, much less inconspicuous passenger, was travelling among them, drawing everyone's attention.
Perhaps it was her clothing, so much out of fashion in that part of the country. Perhaps it was her beauty; so much like a doll she almost didn't seem real. Perhaps it was the strange bird, quietly perched upon her shoulder. Perhaps it was the blade, resting easily in the scabbard at her side. Perhaps it was the sum of all those factors, but fact remained that all the other passengers were looking at her and whispering to each other, some in admiration and some in envy.
Who was she? Where did she come from? Where was she headed? Questions they would never have to courage to ask so they just stared and whispered.
The train eventually reached a halt at its intended destination and the passengers' thoughts slipped from the mysterious beauty and in favor of their own daily affairs. The woman herself stepped out last with the crane on her shoulder stretching its wing and long neck from the stiffness of the travel.
"Hinata city," she whispered looking at her surroundings. "It's been quite a while since last time I visited. Do you think she'll be surprised to see me?"
The bird with an intelligent look in its eyes seemed to ponder the question, giving a slow nod in response.
"You're probably right," she chuckled. "Let us see how my imouto has been doing, shall we Shippu?"
With long elegant strides she left the train station, causing heads to turn in her wake once again. Perhaps if she knew how her arrival would have stirred chaos and mayhem she wouldn't have been so eager to get there.
Then again probably not.
XXX