AN: This chapter jumps between angst and wholesomeness. The whole team is a mess at the moment.

5. Shatter

Nightwing jerked up. He frowned at the sudden feeling of strength in his body. It felt familiar. Comforting.

Kaldur crouched in front of him: "What happened?"

The team leader looked concerned, his forehead creased into a frown.

"Deathstroke", Nightwing felt for the blood on his neck.

It had dried and formed a crust around Nightwing's throat that made him shudder.

"He's here?"

"Gone."

Kaldur seemed tense: "We need to leave. We're already over time and I'm not keen on enraging Queen Bee."

Nightwing nodded and made a motion to stand up. Kaldur's gaze darkened with guilt as it ended up on the collar.

"Do what you need do", Nightwing tilted up his neck, giving Kaldur access.

Kaldur sighed and activated it with his fingerprint: "I'm sorry."

"No need be sorry", Nightwing felt anxiety flare up again at the feeling of his weakened body.

"Come on", Kaldur held out his hand.

Nightwing took it. They walked through the camp. Kaldur told Nightwing that his inquiries had mostly been without success.

"The people seem scared", Kaldur said.

"Know why", Nightwing said.

He briefed Kaldur on what had happened with Deathstroke.

"The Light abducted Donna Troy because she saw their Talon-trade?"

Nightwing nodded: "Deathstroke show me Talon-blood in warehouse."

Kaldur frowned. Nightwing could see his thoughts racing.

Kaldur shook his head: "This is more complicated than I expected. We need to call in with the League and see what we can do."

Nightwing nodded.

Kaldur called the Team together. They met with them at the bioship. Nightwing earned some shocked glances at the dried blood on his throat.

The other two teams had come up empty. There was nothing in the desert. Kaldur went to the back of the bioship to call in the League and ask for further directions. They waited in the desert until they knew what the plan would be.

"So, we found the source of the Talon-trade", M'Gann sounded saddened, "It makes sense that the Light is behind this."

"They are cruel and greedy enough", Connor said, "You OK, Nightwing?"

Nightwing nodded, trying to keep his emotions in check. It disgusted him that he had been in the same warehouse where other Talons had been caged and shipped off to serve cruel people.

"It's fine if you are not OK", M'Gann sounded cautious.

"I fine", Nightwing forced a smile onto his lips.

M'Gann sighed, not looking convinced. But she squeezed Nightwing's shoulder in a comforting manner.

Nightwing bit his lip. It almost hurt how understanding his team was. It made Nightwing want to break and pour out his thoughts to them. But he couldn't. Nightwing had to be useful at all times. Breaking down wasn't useful.

Kaldur returned. He looked tired.

"So, what are we doing, fearless leader?", Wally asked, "Did the League give us permission to track down the Talons? Free them?"

Kaldur sighed: "We are to return to the Mountain."

"What?", the team said at once.

"There are potentially human trafficking victims down there hidden somewhere", Artemis crossed her arms.

Kaldur shook his head: "I don't like it either. I'm just relaying orders. The League ordered us to leave Greater Bialya. Queen Bee is getting impatient. We're already over time."

"I don't care if that piece of shit is getting impatient", Artemis was fuming, "It's about saving people, Kaldur. How can we turn our backs?"

Kaldur raised his hands in defence: "Wonder Woman had to convince Queen Bee to even let us come to Greater Bialya at all. The Queen has her eyes on us. If she finds us on her territory without permission, she would have the right to use force and complain about the League in front of the UN. The League can't risk another scandal."

"We are a covert team. We are trained to stay hidden."

M'Gann tried to calm the situation down: "What else did the League say?"

"The League itself will send a covert team once the situation has calmed down. It's unlikely that the Talons are still in the country. Queen Bee must have shipped them off – maybe even together with Donna – to keep them secret from the Amazons."

"Even if it's unlikely, they could still be there. There is still a chance we could find them", Artemis turned to the rest of the Team, "What do you think?"

Wally seemed uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat: "If there is a chance the Talons are still down there-"

Nightwing interrupted him: "We listen to League."

He was met with confused stares.

"League know best", Nightwing said.

"Those are Talons, Nightwing", Artemis balled her fists, "They are in captivity. Treated like things to be shipped off and used."

Nightwing tensed at the idea. He always grew uncomfortable hearing about this topic. It made the ball of anxiety in his chest tighten. Made him remember things he preferred to forget.

"The League know best", Nightwing repeated.

It went against his very being to potentially leave those Talons behind – even if the chances of them still being here were slim. Still, Nightwing had no right to talk against the League. To be disloyal. He had to push down his feelings and be what the League wanted him to be.

Artemis seemed to grow even more enraged: "It could be you down there."

She covered her mouth right after she had said it. Nightwing still felt the words hit him. They weren't particularly surprising. Nightwing knew that he had a threat hanging over his head.

Deathstroke had said that Nightwing was valuable even without the claws. Someone would pay a lot of money just for the League secrets in his head. And Nightwing didn't know if he could keep them secret. He could endure pain – a lot of it. But if someone forced his Court-conditioning back up… Nightwing didn't know if he could resist that. Maybe this was the reason why the League didn't trust him. He was not strong like the heroes. He was a weak link.

No. The reminder wasn't surprising. Still, it hurt that Artemis had brought up this threat hanging over his head just to prove her point. Nightwing didn't need a reminder. Didn't want one.

"I know what Talon-trade mean", Nightwing couldn't keep some anger out of his voice.

He hated himself for it. Nightwing bit down on his lip. Trying not to make it bleed this time but also wanting to for some release. Nightwing didn't have a right to be angry nor to snap at a real member of the team.

Artemis' stance softened: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up like this. But doesn't this hurt you, Nightwing? Turning your back on them?"

"The chance they still there small."

"But it's there", Artemis said, "We've followed worse odds."

Nightwing felt blood again on his tongue. Bruce's insistence on him wearing gloves hadn't made it better. Maybe worse because it was far easier to draw blood out of his lip than his palms.

"The League know best and we listen to League", Nightwing turned away from her before he would crack.

He felt like a broken record at this point. Always insisting that the League was right. The League would like this answer, right? It would prove that Nightwing was trying his best to obey.

"Fuck", Artemis sounded shocked, "There is nothing else you have to say to this?"

Nightwing shook his head. He was tired of this conversation. Why did Artemis even want his opinion on this? Nightwing wasn't a real member of the team. He was a criminal. His opinion didn't matter.

Artemis sounded saddened: "What the fuck did they do to you?"

Nightwing jolted around. Surprised by Artemis' reaction. There wasn't anger anymore in her stance, only desperation.

"Artemis", Kaldur's voice was a warning.

"No", Artemis said, "We all noticed it. You aren't being yourself, Nightwing. You are forcing yourself to fit some mould you created in your head."

Nightwing bit deeper into his lip, tasting blood again. It eased the pressure in his eyes. Nightwing wouldn't cry. He couldn't show how weak he was. It would make them doubt him even more.

"I- I- I not create it in my head", Nightwing needed a few tries to get the words out, to keep his words from giving out.

He couldn't allow himself to fall mute again. He was less useful when he couldn't talk. The mission had proven it. Nightwing had been too weak to force himself to speak and alert the team over the comms. He couldn't allow himself to make this mistake again.

"We are your team. You can trust us. You can be yourself with us", Artemis pleaded.

Nightwing felt himself about to crack. Artemis was a very proud person. Always determined and strong. Seeing her so desperate, hurt. And it hurt even more to know that Nightwing had caused this. Nightwing crossed his arms keeping himself together.

He couldn't be himself with the Team. Not with anyone. Nightwing had to be useful when he was with the Team or the League would fire him. And Bruce and Jason were too occupied with their own conflict. They didn't need Nightwing making things harder for them. No one wanted to be burdened with the real him.

"Fuck. You are doing it again", Artemis leaned closer to Nightwing.

He felt small compared to her. Looking up at her from his chair.

"Artemis", this time, Wally was warning her.

Nightwing forced his face to stay blank: "My true self not get missions done."

He just wanted this to be over. Why couldn't Artemis just drop it?

"I don't care if you get missions done. I want my friend back."

Nightwing frowned. He felt bad for making Artemis upset. But he didn't know how to rectify it.

Artemis tore at her hair in frustration: "Can't we just admit that this team is a fucking mess? Half of us don't even want to be here. Kaldur is half out the door to take his spot in the League. I question if I want to be here and-"

"ARTEMIS", Wally screamed.

Nightwing frowned. Wally was reacting very emotional to this. Nightwing could see his feet vibrating.

"Don't act like it, Wally. You are leaving the Team for college."

Nightwing stared at Artemis. His mouth dropped open, but nothing came out. His thoughts raced.

"Damn you, Artemis", Wally cursed at her.

Wally was leaving. Wally was leaving. Wally was leaving him.

"Hey", Wally shoved Artemis to the side and dropped down in front of Nightwing, "It's okay. It's got nothing to do with you."

Nightwing tried to reply but his voice was gone again. This was what Wally hadn't told him.

"I was about to tell you", Wally's voice was soft, "I was just waiting for the right moment."

Nightwing's teeth dug into his lip. It really hurt now.

Wally reached for Nightwing's mouth, making him stop biting, "You are hurting yourself."

His voice was so soft. Caring. Nightwing couldn't reconcile it with Wally leaving him. Why was Wally so nice if he was leaving? Was he like this because he pitied Nightwing?

"I'm leaving the Team, not you", Wally said, "I'm hanging up the cape because I can't juggle so many things at once. It wouldn't be fair to the Flash, the Team nor you. So, I'm choosing to focus on college and my amazing boyfriend."

Nightwing fought against the urge to bite his lip again. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he stop doing this like everyone told him to?

'You stay with me?', Nightwing's hands trembled while he asked.

"I'm staying with you. This is not some backdoor-way to break up with you."

Nightwing tilted his head. He wanted to believe Wally but Nightwing wasn't stupid. He had seen enough movies to know that there were a lot of beautiful and smart people in college. Wally was a great person. He could easily find someone else there. Someone beautiful who liked science as much as he did and was less exhausting to deal with than Nightwing.

"Come on. Talk to me", Wally said, "How are you catastrophizing again?"

Nightwing frowned. Black Canary had told him once that he tended to catastrophize. Think about the worst possible outcome for everything. She had written the word down for him telling him that it was unhealthy. Nightwing wasn't sure about that. Assuming the worst kept him prepared. Batman always assumed the worst.

"And Batman is the personification of healthy behaviour?", Nightwing could hear Canary's voice in his head.

Maybe she was right after all. Maybe he should talk to Wally instead of just assuming.

'Many beautiful people in college. Very smart', Nightwing signed.

"Are you jealous, Wing?", Wally sounded surprised.

Nightwing's teeth dug into his lip again. Wally's hand reached for his chin, keeping him from biting. Wally's touch was warm. Comforting.

Nightwing nodded.

Wally was smart, handsome, funny, caring. So many people would want him. And they would be lucky to have him.

"Maybe", Wally said, "There are a lot of beautiful cheerleaders in college. Or maybe I find myself a cute nerd."

Nightwing lowered his gaze. All these options were less high maintenance than Nightwing was. Still, Wally didn't sound serious. Nightwing looked up again, seeing the amused glint in Wally's eyes. He was… teasing.

Nightwing signed: 'Tease.'

Wally was beaming at him: "None of those people are ninjas. And we already established that I have a thing for those. You should be glad that I get out of the superhero game because there are significantly fewer hot people that could kill me around in college."

Nightwing boxed Wally's shoulder: 'Not make joke about die.'

Still, he found himself smiling. Nightwing went down from his chair to hug Wally. The speedster chuckled and pulled Nightwing close. His arms were solid. Nightwing allowed himself to sink against Wally.

"We're good?", he muttered into Nightwing's ear.

'If college make you happy, I happy', Nightwing signed.

Wally frowned: "And you are sure you can deal with it? I could-"

Nightwing put a finger on Wally's lips and shook his head. He didn't want to be baggage that held Wally back. Nightwing wanted to be Wally's boyfriend, not an obligation. It was sweet of Wally to care so much for Nightwing but the speedster shouldn't lose himself in Nightwing's issues. He had his own life to pursue and Nightwing would proudly be a part of it.

'You go to college', Nightwing signed, 'And we deal with things together. Whatever problem come, we deal.'

Wally signed so quickly that only Nightwing could read it: 'And you wonder why I love you?'

Nightwing's chest felt lighter. He didn't know what Wally saw in him sometimes. Still, he would trust that Wally saw something worth keeping.

Nightwing kissed Wally again and felt mortified once he remembered that there was still blood on his lips. Nightwing pulled back. There was black on Wally's lips now. Nightwing tried to wipe it away only to make it worse by making the smear bigger.

Wally laughed. And after a moment of hesitation, Nightwing found himself chuckling, too.

Maybe he could be himself with Wally still. He had cracked. But Wally had put him back together.

"I'm sorry", Artemis said.

Nightwing looked up to see her hurrying away. She vanished into the back of the ship.

"We should give her some time to cool off", Kaldur said, "M'Gann, can you fly us back to the Mountain? We can all use a break."

M'Gann nodded and started the ship. Nightwing felt lighter once they had left the Greater Bialyan airspace. He reached for Wally's hand, squeezing it. The speedster squeezed back.

The rest of the flight was quiet again. But Nightwing felt less anxious than he had on their way towards the mission. His anger towards Artemis evaporated. He felt bad for her. Artemis herself had seemed anxious. Her intentions had been good. She had been concerned for Nightwing. Artemis had just gone about it in her usual brash way.

The archer didn't come out for the rest of the flight, and she left immediately when the ship landed in the Mountain. Nightwing stood frozen in the middle of the hangar. He frowned, unsure what to do.

"Leave her for now", Wally's voice sounded strained as if he was still angry with her, "She needs some time."

Nightwing nodded. He had to trust Wally on this. Artemis was an independent person. She liked to think things through for herself before doing something about them.

'Not be too angry with her', Nightwing signed.

"She pushed you too much. And it wasn't her place to tell them – to tell you – about my college plans."

Nightwing tilted his head.

Wally sighed: "I just need some time. We'll all get along again eventually."

Nightwing was about to respond when Kaldur muttered something about wrapping up the mission. He seemed anxious as well, leaving the hangar. Nightwing suspected that he'd rather not confront them after Artemis' revelation. Their leader needed time to think as well.

M'Gann pulled Connor with her saying: "Let's bake some cookies to destress."

Connor seemed amused. He shrugged at them, going along with his girlfriend.

"I wouldn't mind if you baked me some destress-cookies as well. Just saying.", Wally said.

Nightwing deliberated before he spoke. There was less tension in his chest now. Hours in the quiet with Wally's warm hand to ground him had made him feel better. He was pretty sure that he could talk again if he tried.

"I know another way for destress", Nightwing smiled to himself when the words came out.

Wally seemed surprised: "Your voice is back?"

Nightwing nodded.

Nightwing tilted his head in amusement: "This only thing you get from this? I just offer you to destress."

"I can multitask", Wally said.

Nightwing put his arms on Wally's shoulder, closing his hands behind Wally's neck. Wally smirked. He was in the middle of leaning forward to give Nightwing a kiss when something in Nightwing's belt buzzed.

Nightwing groaned and pulled out his phone. It was Bruce asking if Nightwing was ready to be picked up.

"Bruce?", Wally asked.

Nightwing nodded, trying to think of what to text Bruce. Wally ripped the phone out of Nightwing's hand with superspeed.

"Hey", Nightwing tried to get it back, but the speedster was too quick.

He smirked while he typed: "Hello Bruce, you not need pick me up. I with Wally and Wally take very good care of me."

Nightwing froze. Mortified.

"WALLY", Nightwing lunged at Wally, "You not just write this to my dad."

They wrangled for the phone. Eventually, Nightwing got it back. The speedster laughed.

"I didn't write the last part about taking care of you. Just that you are with me", Wally sped up to Nightwing, wrapping his arms around him from behind, "Relax."

Nightwing did. Until he got a message from Bruce back: 'Be safe and use protection.'

He wouldn't be able to look his dad in the eye. This was too embarrassing. Nightwing would die of embarrassment.

Wally laughed when he saw the message: "Typical Bats. His intuition is scary."

"He's Bruce Wayne. He got game."

Wally shook his head: "I'll never get used to these things coming out of your mouth."

"Your fault."

"Yeah. Showing you the joys of social media was too tempting to pass up though."

"It funny."

"I may have hidden the worst parts from you", Wally muttered, "Your room or mine?"

Nightwing tilted his head as if to say: 'Is that question?'

"I need to hear it", Wally said.

It was Wally's (not-so) sneaky way of reassuring himself that Nightwing still wanted to.

"Your room better. That what you want hear?", Nightwing teased.

Wally's room was cosier – especially compared to Nightwing's mostly bare one. Nightwing spent most of his time at Wally's when he was in the Mountain. There or in the common rooms waiting for any of his team mates to have insomnia and hang out with him. Being a sleepless Talon was lonely sometimes.

"It's always satisfying to hear you admit it."

Nightwing smiled. Wally always asked. It was one of the sweetest things about him.

Nightwing reached for Wally's wriest and tugged him towards his room.

Wally was asleep quickly after their shower together. He put his head on Nightwing's chest using him as a pillow. Nightwing smiled, running his hand through Wally's damp hair. He would never get enough of this mess.

After two hours of this position, Wally turned to the other side, his head slipping from Nightwing's chest. Nightwing mourned the loss of warmth for a bit before he stood up. He pressed a kiss on Wally's temple, ensured that the blanket covered Wally well enough and left the bed.

Nightwing sighed in relief at this feeling of cleanliness. He hadn't liked the feeling of blood on his skin. Even if it was his own. Nightwing rummaged through Wally's wardrobe, finding a hoodie and some sweatpants to put on. The hoodie was from some show that Nightwing didn't know. Something about pickles? Wally was such a cute nerd.

Nightwing was satisfied with how well Wally's clothes fit. They were roughly the same height, so it worked out. Maybe Wally was a finger-wide taller if you squinted but no one did and Nightwing would deny it. He already had to deal with Jason bragging about his height advantage.

Nightwing sneaked out of the room and aimed to go to the training room. But he noticed a presence in the kitchen. Batman was sitting on the counter, eating one of M'Gann's cookies.

Nightwing halted, tilting his head.

Bruce finished the cookie: "I knew you would go train eventually."

"Wally send that text. Not me", Nightwing blurted out.

"Were you safe?"

Nightwing nodded. He internally begged for not another 'Talk'. Bruce had already given it to Jason, Wally and him under Alfred's stern gaze. It had been humiliating. Bruce had insisted on Wally attending as well and his Dad's gaze had burned into the speedster during the whole thing. Jason had laughed his ass off that day at Nightwing's misery.

"Then, I don't care", Bruce said, "We have more important things to talk about."

Nightwing nodded in relief. He sat down next to Bruce.

"You read Kaldur's mission report?", Nightwing asked.

"He explained why he had to deactivate your collar."

"Consequences?"

"For Kaldur? No. The President agreed that Kaldur made the right call."

"You not tell me something."

"There is scrutiny on you", Bruce said, "Suspicion as to why Deathstroke would give sensitive information to you. I need to know every detail to relay it to the League."

Nightwing sighed. Of course, the League was suspicious after Nightwing had spent time unaccounted for with one of their biggest enemies. Nightwing relayed a report trying to make it as detailed as possible.

Batman hummed: "So, Deathstroke wants to recruit you?"

"He want my help for take down Light. I swear I say no. I promise."

Nightwing couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice. Would Batman doubt Nightwing's loyalty over this?

"I believe you", Batman put his hand on the back of Nightwing's neck.

It was a comforting touch. Different from Cobb and Deathstroke. Nightwing leaned into it.

"I'll tell the League that Deathstroke told you this information while taunting you", Batman said, "No mention of Deathstroke's offer or his plan to take down the Light. Also no mention of you stabbing him."

Nightwing frowned. Batman was omitting information from the League for him?

Batman sighed: "There will be people doubting your account. They will believe that you are a mole who took Deathstroke's offer. So, we don't even mention it. It was a nasty fight and Deathstroke messed with you as he likes to do with heroes."

Nightwing bit his lip: "I do something wrong, so we need lie?"

"You didn't do anything wrong", Batman said, "We just don't need to give people any more ammunition to doubt you. And I can't risk Deathstroke's plan leaking out. The less people know the better. Knowing that Deathstroke wants to take down the Light could be useful for us."

Nightwing nodded. He understood.

Batman stood up. To Nightwing's surprise he walked towards the training room and not the Zeta tube.

"Come on", Batman grunted, "You need to train with that collar on. You did good against Deathstroke in the end, but no opponent should be able to take you off-guard."

Nightwing nodded. He understood. Batman always did his best for Nightwing.

Red Hood slipped into the police station in the middle of the night. The station was almost empty and most of the cops seemed stressed by the usual Gotham insanity. Jason looped the security cameras with technology he had taken (stolen) from the Batcave. Then, he sneaked towards the evidence room. The lock was electronic, but Jason had learned enough hacking from Batman to be able to override it.

The room was crowded with shelves. Boxes were stacked upon each other and named according to the case and the date. Jason needed to know more about the hostage situation. He hummed triumphantly when he found the right section and went through the boxes. There was one with belongings from the ringleader's flat.

Andrew Bell. Jason frowned. The name didn't tell him anything. Truly a small-time crook.

Jason shook his head. The leak was far above Bell's calibre. Someone had supplied him with those files. And Jason needed to know who this mystery person was. Nobody messed with his brother and got away with it. That scumbag would pay.

Jason went through a report on the contents of Bell's computer. Nothing interesting except the usual dirty secrets (a buying history of drugs, weapons, and porn). Until Jason found a screenshot of an email. Just an address and a time two weeks ago from someone who called themselves 'the contractor'. Nothing else. An annotation told Jason that the email had been sent from an internet café in central Gotham. Apparently, the mysterious sender had evaded the cameras in that café successfully.

"They are good", Jason shook his head.

He assumed that the person had chosen the establishment purposefully for its meagre camera coverage. Jason would find them anyway. They couldn't hide from him. He would check out both the café and the meeting place hoping for something that the police had missed.

"Hands where I can see them", someone said behind Jason.

Jason tensed. He turned around to see a cop pointing a gun at him.

"I'm not here for blood. Just to get some reading done", Jason's voice stayed calm.

"Hands in the air", the cop repeated, his voice less confident than he wanted it to be.

Jason sighed: "You really want to do this the hard way?"

"You are under arrest for countless charges of murder – which is just the tip of the iceberg."

Jason kicked the gun out of the cop's hand before he could shoot. The weapon cluttered to the floor.

The cop's hard-earned confidence shattered as panic rushed over his face: "There are others on the way. They'll see if you kill me."

Jason frowned: "Why do you think I'd kill you?

"You are Red Hood", as if this was explanation enough.

The implication irked Jason. He acted with purpose – only killing those who deserved it. He wasn't some wild dog too dangerous to let loose.

"Whatever", Jason muttered, trying to not let his annoyance show.

Red Hood left the trembling cop behind, evading his colleagues on the way out. Time to avenge Nightwing.

AN: Poor Artemis. She's stressed from all this as well.
Flashbird (I love that name for them!) is always so cute to write. Those two get so much shit thrown at them but they always manage to overcome it. Bruce knows they are cute, too. He just likes to play hardball with Wally because he is a paranoid Dad who loves his assassin-child.

Should we be concerned about Wally being into people who could kill him? At least he is choosing the sweet ones from that category though Artemis will hate you if you call her that. :D (I may have been on a Rick and Morty-binge recently which explains Wally's choice of nerdy T-Shirt.)

And Jason over on the other side avenging his bro. I'm not sure though if Nightwing wants to be avenged though…