Authors Note: HEYO! XD Please tell me what you think; I would love to know XD I own nothing and no one, apart from the following: Zane,Gabriel (Gabe), Ben, Chase.
JUST SO YOU KNOW: like everyone else, I have no idea what Stiles' real name is, so I'm going along with what everyone else puts :) and I've made his middle name up XD
You guys are all so amazing and I love you all! In a non-creepy non-psycho kind of way XD
Please, please review XD
LONGEST CHAPTER YET, YAY!
DUDE'S THIS IS MY MOST SUCCSESSFUL FIC SO FAR, AND I LOVE YOU ALL FOR THAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING, BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING IT :'D
Chapter 27
Stiles
January 22nd – Wednesday – I had finally finished my art project!
Everything was done. All the pictures and the colour and the artistic writing that would go in the centre... It was all done and all put together!
It looked better than it had in my head.
I wasn't going to ask the Pack if they wanted to see it until after it was graded...I mean, at least then it would give me time to think of how to bring it up and everything.
My whole art class, including my teacher, seemed to be pleasantly surprised at my project... There were even a few mumbled compliments as people walked by me and out of the door, until I was the only one left in the class room. But, to me, it didn't matter what they thought... It only mattered what the Pack thought...
Well, it did to me anyway.
I was putting the last few finishing touches on my project – as well as making sure everything was how it should be – when hands covered my eyes.
"Guess who, Precious." an irritating voice whispered in my ear.
I had already frozen and started panicking...which was my excuse as to why I elbowed the asshole in the stomach, making him let go and stumble backwards, clutching his middle.
"Damn, Pumpkin, you're strong." Gabriel coughed, smiling.
"Go away!" I seethed, turning back to my project.
"Oh, my little Sex Kitten, I can't do that."
"Why not?!"
"Because, Sweet Thang, I'm not giving up on you. Don't worry, babe."
Gabriel reached out his hand, stroking it down my cheek before I could jerk away.
"Don't worry, babe." Zane grinned, stroking my cheek with the back to the hand holding the bat. "I won't hurt you."
I let go of the breath I was holding, believing that he actually wouldn't hurt me, believing that maybe he would actually leave me alone this time. That maybe, just maybe, he would stop.
"Unless you give me a reason to." he added on the end.
The memory flashed in my brain. But, instead of freezing up in fear as usual, I stood up, curled my right hand into a fist and pushed it forward...hard. It was enough to hurt, but not enough to damage.
"Stop it!" I yelled. "Leave me alone, for fuck sake!"
I took one step towards Gabriel, fist still curled... It was enough to send him running.
I was still agitated when I got home. I slammed the front door closed, storming through the house until I was pressed into the corner of the couch. I knew that everyone knew something was wrong. But, luckily, it seemed like they realised that they needed to leave me alone.
At least for now.
Debating whether or not to run, I moved my right hand towards my left forearm, gently dragging my nails against the skin there. As my thoughts turned from running to training, I didn't notice that the small drag had suddenly become a harsh scratch on my skin, colouring it red and making it burn ever so slightly.
The way Gabriel had said it: 'Don't worry, babe'... He said it exactly like how Zane used to. All sickly sweet with an edge of sadistic evil! It scared me, and understandably so! I mean, with everything that Zane had done to me in the past, I think I had the right to be freaked after Gabriel practically quoted him!
Thinking about it...Gabriel did that a lot. I mean, a while ago, he even said 'You have no idea how boring it's been without you here, Sweet Stuff.'
FLASHBACK – Tuesday, January 3rd 2011 – 16 year old Stiles
"You have no idea how boring it's been without you here, Sweet Stuff." Zane smiled, pulling me closer until I was sat on his lap as we sat on the couch in his apartment.
I couldn't help the colour that rushed to my face at the endearment or the uneasiness that came with it... I wasn't used to anyone calling me things like that, and I definitely wasn't used to the kind words after everything that had been going on with my dad...
But I didn't say anything. I was kind of grateful for the change. But I also didn't want to get hit...
I even forced myself to relax as Zane pressed his face into the crook of my neck, his arms tightening around me from behind. His forearm pressed gently over a bruise that was forming on my stomach...one that he had given me a few days previous... But I tried not to show that it stung.
I felt Zane's had shift, before his lips pressed lightly into the pulse point on my neck.
That was how it started.
But...maybe he wouldn't do it today...
"Get so lonely without you here, Baby." Zane whispered. "Can't stop thinking about you."
Zane's left hand managed to get underneath my t-shirt, his cold skin trailing over my abs and up my chest, pushing back so his chest was flush against my back, his nails digging in slightly. His right hand, however, landed on my knee, his index finger making slow circles on my kneecap.
"Baby, you have no idea just how much I want you." he chuckled, darkly. "I can't stop thinking about what I could do to you."
Slowly, he slid his hand from my knee, to the inside of my thigh, just...resting it there. I could feel his response to all of this digging into my ass; his breath becoming shallower on my neck.
"Oh, if only you could see inside my head, Babe. You'd love it." Zane muttered, nipping at the skin on the back of my neck. "I'd have you begging me to touch you, if you could see what I have planned, Sweetheart."
I hated it. All of it.
"I'd have you begging me to go harder, faster, deeper." he breathed. "I'd make you a mess, Babe."
It made me sick.
Zane's right hand started to, slowly, move higher, dragging across the denim of my jeans, steadily getting higher and higher.
"I know you want that, Baby." Zane whispered. "You just like playing hard to get, like making me work for it. But not today."
This was only the third time it had happened. I thought, after the second, that he would stop. That he would realise that I didn't want that.
But I guess I was wrong.
"You belong to me, Baby." Zane growled, his hand hovering slightly over my crotch. "I've finally got you where I want you."
Lightning fast, he brought his hand down, and...
END OF FLASHBACK – Back to Wednesday, January 22nd 2014
"...iles? Stiles!" a voice yelled, dragging me out of the memory.
A violent shiver ran down my spine as I pressed myself into the corner of the couch, making myself as small as possible.
"Stiles... What's wrong?" Isaac's hesitant voice asked, as the kid stayed rooted to his spot.
My head snapped up upon hearing that voice. The voice that told me I was far away from that asshole. The voice that told me I was safe and cared for/about.
I relaxed slightly, still staying in the corner, but not trying to make myself part of the couch.
"Nothing." I told him, a little shakily. "Everything's fine, I'm fine."
Isaac just gave me a pointed look. A look that told me that he knew I was lying.
Damn werewolves.
Now, the thing about Isaac? He's persistent. He won't give up until he knows what's bugging you and, once he does know, he won't stop until he's tried everything he can to help. For a kid that's been through as much as he had...it amazed me at how selfless the kid could be.
"What's wrong?" he asked again, sitting down next to me.
"Nothing." I insisted.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Stiles."
Sighing, I stopped trying to deny it. I turned my head away, dragging my knees up to my chest and encircling them with my arms.
I hated looking and feeling so helpless, so weak... It was a side of me that I always tried to bury, but dad and Zane always found a way to bring it out... The Pack could to, but they always brought it out of me in ways different to the two back in Dallas.
"The flashbacks and the nightmares... They're getting worse." I confessed, quietly, knowing he and the rest of the Pack could still hear me. "The nightmares come every night, and some of them are made up by my mind...they never actually happened. And the flashbacks... Anything can set them off."
I turned my head into my knees, pressing my forehead into them as I felt a familiar stinging sensation in my eyes.
"I don't know what to do, Isaac." I whispered, voice breaking. "I already punched Gabriel because he sounded like Zane, though the asshole did deserve it... But what's to say I won't do it to you or anyone else in this house? I don't know what to do!"
And it was true. I didn't know what to do. And I really didn't want to hurt anyone in this house or town, no matter how much every other ass in this town seemed to hate me.
A hesitant hand was placed slowly and gently on my forearm, the action making me jump and freeze slightly.
But I didn't pull away.
"Why don't we go for a run?" he asked.
All through the run, Isaac and I just talked. We stayed away from the subject of our dads and Zane, instead talking about comic books and movies. It was still funny that Isaac still tried to argue that Iron Man was better than Batman, bless his heart.
I even took the time to explain my freak out Saturday evening – after I recounted the story my mom used to tell me. I told him that the people my mom used to take me to were Peter and Derek's family, their Pack... I told him how Derek had been the only friend I had when I was kid, up until I met this Pack... I told him everything about it; everything I could remember.
And the pup just...listened. I swear, Isaac was the best person to talk to...
I had never really had that. Someone to talk to, I mean. And now I had ten people who wanted to get to know me. Who wanted to understand me. Who wanted to help me, look after me. I had gone from having no one, to having ten people that took me in without really knowing me.
If that didn't put a bit of faith back into humanity for me, I don't know what would!
But Isaac could see there was something that was still bothering me and, like I said, the kid is persistent.
I didn't fight too hard on this. I had thought it over for while and right now it felt like I needed another person to know. But it couldn't be just anyone. Besides, I trusted Isaac. He kept – and still is keeping – everything about my dad a secret, so he could keep this to himself.
"Well... Saturday, when I said I didn't like anyone, you guys could all tell I was lying." I started, slowing down my run until I came to a complete stop, Isaac doing the same.
"That would be true." Isaac grinned. "The girls have been trying to guess who it is since then."
Raising an eyebrow, I leant back against a nearby tree, crossing my arms and shaking my head a little.
"They won't guess. None of you would." I sighed. "If I tell you, keep it between us?"
Isaac nodded, stepping closer until he was leaning against the tree too, turning his head so he could still see me. Breathing deeply for a minute, suddenly becoming nervous, I turned my head down towards the forest ground.
"Ok, well, the thing is, I like..." I started, cringing slightly. "Man, this feels like we should be in high school! I like Derek."
There.
I said it.
I did it.
Oh shit, now it felt real!
Hesitantly, I looked up at Isaac. I took note of his wide eyes and open mouth, the complete shock and surprise engulfing his whole expression and body posture...and scent. Suddenly, I was feeling like I should have kept this all to myself...
"What?! Since when?!" Isaac squeaked.
"The night after Thanksgiving..." I muttered. "And it's...confusing."
"Why?"
"Because he's straight, yet he's kissed my three times! Ok, twice, the first was because I tripped and we both fell and the impact kind of forced our mouths together. But the other two times he did it! But he's straight; I know he is, it's obvious! And it's frightening that I feel like this again, only this time it's stronger!"
Sighing, I slid down the trunk of the tree until I was sitting on the ground, leaning against the bark. It was times like these when I wished I had a normal life.
Or, you know, I wasn't so insecure and damaged.
Isaac dropped down next to me, slipping his arm around my shoulders and squeezing my shoulder slightly, as I leant into him slightly. I vaguely felt a little weird about it since he was younger than me, but that didn't matter when it felt nice to have someone there.
That night, I couldn't sleep. And everyone but three of us had gone to bed.
Danny and Isaac decided that they were staying up with me tonight, not wanting to leave me on my own. And though Danny didn't know what was going on, he was still there to be a good friend to me and to also be with his boyfriend.
We ended up watching DVDs.
We watched: Aladdin, Hercules, The Fox and the Hound, and then we started watching Criminal Minds.
We pretty much stayed up all night.
While Danny fell asleep at some point, his head slipping from Isaac's shoulder onto the blonde's lap, Isaac and I stayed up the whole time, staring at the screen and talking.
During the times where we wouldn't be talking, I couldn't help but look out of the corner of my eyes, catching Isaac as he ran his fingers through the Hawaiians hair, smiling goofily.
It was – dare I say it – adorable. They were good for each other.
I mean, after everything Isaac had been through, he definitely needed someone like Danny. And Danny needed someone like Isaac. Hell, everyone needed someone like Isaac in their lives! All groups must have an Isaac.
But they weren't allowed the original.
He was ours.
And Danny would be pissed if someone took him away.
And no one wanted a pissed Danny Mãhealani.
Two days later – Friday, January 24th – I was actually going to Ben's house, for a study session.
I had let the Pack know where I was so they didn't freak out, because I know they would if I didn't tell them. Seriously, they could get super protective...it was scary how much.
So, yeah. Ben and I were sitting in the living room of his house, Ben's English and Biology – why Ben took Biology, I don't know – stuff surrounding us. I mean, I knew it all – English and Biology, even though I didn't take Biology...
Ben had practically begged me to help him out, not wanting another detention with his Biology teacher for failing another 'surprise test'. Not to mention another detention from our English teacher for failing another assignment.
Honestly, the guy wasn't doing himself any favours...but I couldn't just leave him hanging when he clearly needed help.
Which was how I found myself helping with Biology, explaining to him what an enzyme was because he had, apparently, forgotten...
His heart telling me he was lying should have been my first clue that something was going on here.
"Alright, so, enzymes are large molecules that speed up the chemical reactions inside cells and each type of enzyme does one specific job." I told him, as if reading from a textbook. "They are a type of protein, and like all proteins, they are made from long chains of different amino acids."
Ben nodded, shuffling a little closer.
That should have been my second clue that something was going on.
"Helicases are enzymes that bind and may even remodel nucleic acid or nucleic acid protein complexes. There are DNA and RNA helicases." I continued. "DNA helicases are essential during DNA replication because they separate double-stranded DNA into single strands allowing each strand to be copied."
"You know, if I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase." Ben told me, nodding slightly.
And, yeah, that was not expected. I mean, who the hell said things like that?!
"What? Why?" I managed to ask.
Next thing I knew, I was on my back with Ben leaning over me, hands on either side of my head.
This was the third and last clue that something was going on.
"Well, 'cause then I could unzip your genes." Ben whispered in my ear, reaching towards my – surprise, surprise – jeans.
My eyes widened as I realised what was happening. As I realised I had been an idiot all over again!
Before Ben could do anything though, I pushed him off of me, standing up as soon as I did. Ben just looked up at me from where he was on his back, on the floor, staring at me all confused.
"Look, Ben, you're a really nice guy." I told him. "And you're a great friend. It's just...I don't see you that way. I'm not really..."
Before I could finish, I was pinned to the wall.
My heart was beating rapidly as I looked into the flaming eyes of the guy I had presumed was my friend.
This was a situation I thought I had gotten away from.
"No, you don't get to do that." Ben hissed. "Ever since you turned up at the university, all I wanted to do was get you on all fours. You're not going to take that away from me."
I had frozen out of shock, not really understanding what was going on... Which meant that Ben could throw me against anything and I wouldn't – couldn't – fight back.
Which was how I found myself thrown onto the couch with Ben straddling me.
He pinned my wrists with one hand, his other trailing down one arm and across my chest, before stopping at the top of my jeans.
"Stop it." I muttered. "Ben, get off me and stop this."
"No way, Babe." Ben growled. "I've finally got you where I want you."
A mixture of those words and the fact that he had just grabbed my crotch dragged me back to what was going on.
I managed to throw Ben off of me, making the brunette hit the ground with a loud thud.
Thankfully, all of my stuff was in my backpack, so all I had to do was grab my bag and make a run for the front door.
Good thing I was faster than him.
Switching off the engine, I jumped out of my Jeep, locking it behind me as I full out ran into the house. I was shaking and freaked out and just plain scared...not to mention severely pissed off.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I slid down until I was sitting on the floor. No one was home, I was all alone. I didn't want to be alone right now. I couldn't be alone right now...
But no one's here. You're all alone. You're always alone.
You deserve to be alone.
You're damaged.
You are nothing.
Next thing I knew, everything was black.
Derek
While Stiles was at his 'friend's' house, the rest of us went to the store. We had been gone for two hours, and we thought that Stiles wouldn't be back yet...
But then we saw his Jeep, parked haphazardly in front of the house.
That was my first clue that something was wrong.
All of us, once out of our cars, looked to each other, before moving towards the front door as one. I could both feel and smell the agitation and worry coming from my Pack, all of us wanting to know if our most recent Pack member – whether he or they knew it or not – was alright. All of us wanting to make sure he was ok and be there for him if he wasn't.
I was the first one to walk through the door. It was part of my responsibility as Alpha.
But nothing could have prepared us for what we found.
The couch had been clawed; the coffee table in the living room was in half, the TV was close to being destroy but was still standing and working. The kitchen table was almost the same as the coffee table, dishes had been smashed...
The house was just wrecked.
But none of us cared about that. Those were all things that could be replaced, and we had the money to do so.
No, what we cared about was the small fox whimpering and covered in blood standing in the middle of all the wreckage, shaking viciously.
There was no doubt in our minds that it was Stiles. We knew before the small cub looking creature – again, only looking like a cub except in height – looked up and showed us his glowing purple eyes, filled with pain and fear.
I didn't think, I just walked over as quickly and as calmly as I could, picking up the trembling boy.
Because that's what he was, a boy. No matter how old he was, I would still see him as the small three year old boy I met, around, sixteen years ago.
The whimpering and shaking didn't stop, but I was just happy that Stiles didn't try to escape.
Without having to say anything, everyone else set about cleaning up. I wanted to do the same, but I could leave Stiles.
"Take him upstairs, we'll sort this out." Peter said, keeping his voice low and composed. "Just try to get him to calm down."
I didn't need telling twice.
I took Stiles upstairs into his room.
It was better that way; it was a space that he knew was safe and was safe in. That was the first thing I had learned when I was a child, watching how my mom interacted with the younger Betas when they were frightened.
I closed the door as soon as I stepped through, not letting go of the fox in my arms for a second. With a slow and calm tread, I walked over to Stiles' bed, situating myself the exact same way I did the last time Stiles was in full fox mode.
I lay on my back, in the middle of the bed, fox-Stiles curled up high on my chest, tail wrapped around his whole trembling body.
My wolf whined, telling me to do something. But I didn't know what to do. I had already leeched his pain away as I made my way up the stairs, since the slight movement made him cry out in pain... There wasn't anything else I could do, except be an Alpha to this boy.
Slowly and as gently as I could, I brought my hand around so my wrist was in front of his face, placing my hand on top of his head, idly stroking the soft fur between his ears. Just like he did the day he 'guarded' me, fox-Stiles leaned into my hand, nuzzling it slightly and licking at my wrist lick a cat would.
It was odd that it didn't feel strange or awkward... I mean, it should. Right?
Unless Deaton and Peter and dad were right... Maybe Stiles – Genim – is my Mate...
My wolf almost felt...content as I thought that... He almost growled in pleasure. Was Stiles my Mate?! Did I even feel anything like that towards the boy – who was seven years younger than me, remember!
I mean, sure, I felt something different towards him from the first time I met him back in September... Almost as if I subconsciously remembered knowing him as a child.
And, sure, he could get me to do things no one else could – like wear a Christmas cracker hat.
And, sure, I had kissed him twice – the first being something neither of us intended – but the first was kind of an accident and the second I wasn't really thinking straight... Though it felt crappy when he said we should just forget about it...
And, sure, I liked seeing the way he smiled or laughed whenever we included him in something, or he looked at the ring we all got him, or he played the guitar Peter and I bought for him, or when he was talking about something he liked, or...
Oh shit, I liked Stiles! I liked Stiles in that stupidly horrible cliché way that teenagers felt about each other in movies. I liked Stiles in the way that made me sound like I was back in high school, and my friends would talk about the girls they liked.
And I was ok with that.
But I would never have a chance. Stiles would never feel the same. It was obvious by how he ran and made excuses both times I had kissed him.
So this was staying my little secret. Something I would keep to myself until the day I die.
But to hell if anyone thought I wouldn't take advantage of this situation.
With that thought, I brought up my left arm, curling it all the way around the trembling fox, continuing to run my fingers through his fur with my right hand. I made sure to stay away from the open wounds that were yet to heal, even though I had taken away his pain.
With my arm around him, I managed to shift the small animal until he was a little closer than before. And, with this shift, I of course got a stronger hit of his scent. It wasn't my fault the kid had a damn good scent!
I mean, as cheesy and corny and stupid as it was, he smelled like warmth. Like the sun and the woods. And leather and spring. And happiness that reminded me of my family...
He smelled like Mate.
My eyes flashed red briefly, and the fox lying on my chest caught sight of it... Of course, the small flash was enough to be considered as a calming gesture. As something an Alpha would do to help ground his or her Betas. To keep them from shifting or to keep them from being so frightened. To let them know that they were ok, that they were safe, that they wouldn't be hurt. To let them know that they would be protected and looked after.
I would never have expected Stiles to then tilt his head, baring his neck in submission.
He was submitting.
To me.
Stiles was submitting to me.
That, right there, proved he was Pack. No wolf – or fox – would submit to an Alpha if they weren't Pack.
Stiles was Pack. Whether he knew it or not, he was Pack. He was stuck with us.
Just as that thought finished, I noticed that the whimpering had stopped. Stiles moved until he was lying on his front – still as a fox and still shaking – tail no longer curled around himself. His tail lay out straight, like the rest of his body, his head facing me and still slightly tiled to his right – my left. He just stared at me with his purple eyes.
Smiling a little, an idea started to form in my head. Stiles was usually calm when he listened to music...maybe that would help now.
I didn't have to look too far for his laptop; it was on the table beside his bed, just an arm's length away. So grabbing it, I placed the portable computer on the bed, on my right side, letting it load before finding his music, letting it play on from the last song he had listened to.
Little girl, terrified
She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal
A home is no place to hide
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels
Every days the same, she fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray
She wonders why
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?
I didn't recognise the song; however the playlist said it was When She Cries by Britt Nicole. It was one of the ones that Stiles had yet to share with us... But already I could see why he would listen to it.
Today she's turning sixteen
Everyone singing but she can't seem to smile
They never get past arms length
How could they act like everything is alright?
Pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories the scars leave
She says, "Maybe making me bleed
Will be the answer that could wash the slate clean"
It was easy to guess that this was probably how Stiles felt most of the time...especially when he was trapped in Dallas with that psycho Zane. But, I was hoping that was changing now...
Every day's the same, she fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray
She wonders why
Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?
This is the dark before the dawn
The storm before the peace
Don't be afraid 'cause seasons change
And God is watching over you, He hears you
And that was an unexpected change to the song...
I noticed at this point that fox-Stiles was inching closer, little by little, not stopping until his small black nose was pressed into the joining of my neck and shoulder.
And every day's the same, she fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray
She'll be just fine
'Cause I know He hears her when she cries
Every days the same, she fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray
She'll be just fine
'Cause I know He hears her when she cries
She'll be just fine
'Cause I know He hears her when she cries
As the song ended, I contemplated whether or not Stiles had actually done that. Made himself bleed because he couldn't stand it...thought it was the only way out. I pushed the thought out of my head as soon as it crossed my mind, not wanting to think about it any longer, while also tightening my hold on him slightly.
Then the next song came on.
It starts with pain
Followed by hate
Fueled by the endless questions
No one can answer
A stain
Covers your heart
Tears you apart just like a sleeping cancer
Now I don't believe men are born to be killers
I don't believe that this world can't be saved
How did you get here and when did it start
An innocent child with a thorn in his heart
The playlist said it was World So Cold by 12 Stones.
What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Losing control of our feelings
We all must be dreaming this life away
In a world so cold
Are you sane? Where's the shame?
A moment of time passes by
You cannot rewind
Who's to blame and where did it start
Is there a cure for your sickness, have you no heart?
After hearing that first song and now this one...I couldn't help but wonder how many more songs like this Stiles listened to. How often he felt like this.
Now I don't believe men are born to be killers
I don't believe this world can't be saved
How did you get here and when did it start
An innocent child with a thorn in his heart
What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate?
Losing control of our feeling
We're dreaming this life away
It made me wonder if Isaac had felt the same, before he found us. But then it made me wonder: were we too late to help Stiles?
It was now that Stiles' shaking began to subside.
What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate?
Selling our souls for no reason
We all must be dreaming this life away
In a world so cold
There's a sickness inside you that wants to escape
It's a feeling you get when you can't find your way
So how many times must you fall to your knees
Never, never, never, never, never do this again
No, I refused to think that. We couldn't be too late to help. Deaton had said himself that he saw Stiles changing for the better. Hell, I was seeing it too!
It starts with pain followed by hate
Now I don't believe men are born to be killers
And I don't believe this world can't be saved
What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate
Losing control of our feelings
We're dreaming this life away
What kind of world do we live in
Where love is divided by hate?
Selling our souls for no reason
We all must be dreaming this life away
In a world so cold
In a world so cold
Stiles' shaking had completely stopped and his tail had curled around him again. He had moved so now it was his fox-forehead that was pressing into the joining of my neck and shoulder instead of his nose.
Silently, I paused the playlist and closed the lid of his laptop, before placing my right hand back to its original position.
"Ready to change back?" I whispered, my left hand resting on his back while my right hand continued to stroke through the fur between his ears.
A small timid nod came from the small creature, and I gave a little reassuring smile.
"I'll be just outside the door." I told him, keeping my voice the same whisper. "Let me back in when you're ready. Ok?"
With another small nod, I picked fox-Stiles up, only to place him beside me on the bed, before I sat up, stood up and left the room, closing the door behind me.
Out there, away from where anyone could see me, I couldn't help but grin a little.
He was Pack.
Stiles
As soon as Derek closed the door, I switched back into my human form, stretching out my joints and rubbing the back of my neck.
It had felt so nice just being curled up on him with his scent surrounding me.
The scent that was like home and safety. Like love and warmth. Like...hope and kindness. Like wood and chocolate. It smelled like something more than that...but I couldn't put my finger on it.
Shaking my head, deciding to just drag on my pyjamas pants – aka, a pair of sweats.
I moved my laptop, this time placing it on my desk on the other side of my room, before heading into the bathroom to clear up the dried blood. I didn't expect to see an array of cuts and bruises littered over my face, arms and torso.
Sighing a little, I grabbed the wash cloth on the counter, wetting it in warm water. This was something I was all too familiar with; something that used to be routine, part of my everyday life.
At the beginning, before either of them got a hang of it, dad and Zane would always leave little cuts and bruises... But that's because it was new, something they hadn't done before. They didn't know how I would react. If I would be able to overpower them since I was younger, faster, stronger – not that they knew that.
But then they started to get more confident.
Then they started using belts and knives and bats and fire and...anything they could get their hands on.
The worse it got, the more I had to go to the hospital.
The more I had to go to the hospital, the more lies I had to tell.
I mean, dad or Zane were always there when they would as what had happened... If I said that it was them, I would have been dead. Besides, every time I did something they approved of, they would lay off for a bit. Especially if it was lying about how I ended up so battered and bruised...
But that wasn't what was going on here.
Something else had happened. I got these cuts in a different way. And I needed to know how!
So, throwing the wash cloth into the hamper by the door, I walked back into my room, picking up and putting on my Batman t-shirt – aka, pyjama shirt, before opening the door for Derek to come back in.
"Did I hurt someone?" I asked, a little panicked, after he had closed the door. "I mean... What the hell happened? What did I do? The last thing I remember was sitting on the floor by the door, and the next you're picking fox-me up off of broken dishes!"
And, yeah, ok, shaking again.
Not as bad as before, but still shaking.
It always happened before I went into full freak mode... Usually, when that happened, either my wolf or my fox would take over. But I always remembered what I had done later one...
"You didn't hurt anyone, other than yourself." Derek replied, calmly, quietly, making me sit down on the edge of my bed before sitting next to me, on my left. "The rest of us got home from the store. We saw your car, got worried... When we walked in, the house looked like that."
"I'm sorry." I whimpered, wondering if this was going to be the time he snapped and would hit me...just like they did... "I'll replace everything. I-I'll get a job, I-I'll help Deaton and I'll..."
"No you won't."
"But..."
"We've got more than enough money. After the fire... We have more than we could ever possibly need. Nothing that was broken was important. Easily replaced. You don't have to be sorry."
Even though I felt terrible, I was surprised to find that I actually relaxed a little at Derek's words, as bad as that sounded.
It may have had something to do with the fact he didn't hit me... But then, why would Derek hit me? He would only hit me if we were training or if it was an accident. I mean, Isaac wouldn't trust Derek if Derek was like that.
I was an idiot.
Derek had been nothing but kind to me. Believed me when everyone else didn't. Helped me when he saw me struggling. And here I was wondering if he was going to hit me!
I was an idiot and an ass!
"What got you so worked up?" Derek asked, softly. "Let me help. I want to help."
It was the tone of voice that got me.
The sincerity in the tone, the way his heart stayed level...
I knew that I couldn't not tell him.
"Ben...he came at me." I whispered, staring down at my hands in my lap. "Like Zane used to. I only realised when I made a run for it that he meant something completely different when he wanted me round for a 'study session'."
Being in such close proximity, I practically felt the Alpha wolf tense up... But I had to keep going.
"I was shocked... I couldn't move at first. But then he said 'I've finally got you where I want you' and that's what Zane said and then Ben grabbed something he really shouldn't have..." my voice got fainter as I felt the warm-cold slide of tears running down my face, but I had to keep going. "I threw him off of me, grabbed my stuff and ran to my Jeep. I just wanted out of there and to get home as fast as I could. And just that and what happened with Gabriel..."
Derek's left hand was then placed over both of mine... I hadn't even realised that they were shaking that badly until he did that.
"What happened with Gabriel?" he asked, slowly.
"On Wednesday...I elbowed him in the stomach after he came up behind me. He said something that Zane did...in the exact same way. I punched him and made him run away like the wuss he is." I whispered, voice breaking. "Everything is getting worse. The flashbacks, the nightmares... I'm just so scared and sick of it all! I want it to stop!"
Lifting my head up, I turned to look at Derek, tears flowing freely down my cheeks.
"Please, make it stop!" I sobbed.
Derek
I felt my heart stutter at the way he looked.
So scared.
So alone.
So vulnerable.
My wolf whined again, not liking that our Mate was in distress. Hell, I never liked seeing the him upset or angry.
But the tears broke me.
The last time I had hugged someone properly was before Laura died. I hugged her before she left...and since then, no one. Not even Peter, after he 'recovered' as I took to calling it. The Pack piles were different, that wasn't hugging.
So, yeah, the last time I hugged someone was the last time I saw Laura.
Until now.
The look on his face, the tears, the sound of his voice – desperate, begging, whimpering – I couldn't help it. My wolf hated it, the child I used to be hated it... I hated it. So I hugged him.
As tight as I could.
And, just like that, he just...let it go. Sobbing freely, even as he returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around my neck and burying his head into the meeting of my neck and shoulder.
This was a side to Stiles I never thought any of us would see.
But, given the circumstances, I shouldn't have expected any different.
A soft knock on the door made the boy jump, flying away from me and the door with wide fearful eyes. He shook his head, as if trying to get a thought of his head, before going into the bathroom...
It ached to see him like that.
Sighing, I stood up from his bed, walking over to the door and opening it enough so I could stick my head out.
"They're restless, Derek." Peter told me, calmly. "They want to know if he's alright."
Frowning a little, I glanced over my shoulder. The door to the bathroom was now closed, water was running but I could still hear sniffling.
"Tell them to clear the living room and to grab as many blankets and pillows as they can find." I replied, making it sound almost like a question. "But no one asks what happened. Stiles doesn't need to tell it again."
I heard movement from downstairs, my Betas moving to follow my instructions. Yes, I knew that they could hear me to begin with, but I hated talking to them and not being face to face. I only did that when I had to.
Before Peter left, he told me he'd grab the blankets and pillows from my room, placing a hand on my shoulder and applying a small amount of pressure. It was one of the things that reminded me so much of the good old days, back when our family were still alive, still around.
As soon as he moved back down the hallway, I stepped back into Stiles' room and closed the door again, turning around.
Stiles was now standing on the other side of his bed, face and eyes red. He shuffled slightly on his feet, hands playing with the hem of his t-shirt – the t-shirt I bought for him after Lydia said no.
I couldn't help but smile slightly every time he wore something that I had managed to slip past Lydia.
"Puppy pile?" he asked, voice hoarse and quiet, almost sounding hopeful.
I nodded, huffing slightly at the name he had chosen for it.
Stiles moved towards the head of his bed, grabbing something from underneath the pillows. Something black and furry. Wolfy, I realised.
"Like I said, there are some nights when I can't sleep without Wolfy." Stiles whispered, blushing slightly."He's always been my favourite."
And, yeah, that made me feel good... I mean, I had picked out the damn thing!
Frowning slightly, Stiles moved around his bed and over to me, hesitantly hugging me. It shocked me at first, but this was yet another step he was taking to get into a mindset that he was safe and didn't have to worry.
"I never said thank you. For Wolfy I mean." he muttered, voice muffled. "So, thank you."
"No problem, Gen." I whispered back. "Come on, let's go downstairs."
Stiles
I grabbed my pillows and Wolfy, while Derek too my duvet. He carried it in his left hand, while he kept his right arm around my shoulders.
And I liked it.
I needed the contact now. Almost craved it. Like, to be put at ease – my wolf, my fox and myself – I needed the contact of people I knew I could trust.
Derek just happened to be the person I trusted the most, besides Isaac.
"When did you figure it out?" I ended up asking.
"Figure what out?" Derek replied, quietly, as we made our way to the lower level of the house.
"That you already knew me."
I had been wondering for a while, and had been meaning to ask. Only when he had called me 'Gen' again did I remember.
Besides, I needed something to take my mind off of what had happened.
Derek took a deep breath.
"Well, I recognised Wolfy, but I couldn't figure out how... I just thought I must have seen another one, similar." Derek told me, with a small smile, dragging me closer into his side. "I didn't know for sure until you gave Deaton that picture...the one with my mom."
"That's why you and Peter always acted so strangely when you saw the pictures... Of her. Your dad. Of Peter..." I nodded, piecing together the little things.
"Exactly. After I saw the picture you gave Deaton, I remembered. The little boy who talked too much and had too much energy for his own good. After I saw the picture, I started having these...dreams. But they were memories. Of things we used to do when you and your mom would visit. When you still lived here."
"Once a month for five years."
Derek nodded, both of us stopping the conversation as we walked into the living room. The couch and coffee table had been removed, leaving the two arm chairs and one couch as the only seating in the living room.
However, where there should be a large empty space, there were an array of blankets and pillows all put together in a sort of...nest. And it looked so comfy!
As soon as Derek and I walked in, we walked over to the nest and the people that had already arranged themselves within it, leaving a space big enough for two people in the middle.
Derek and I threw ourselves into the pile of us, both of adding to the nest before getting comfortable.
All of a sudden, I felt a hesitant movement from my right, where Isaac was. It was as if he wanted to come closer, but he didn't. Glancing over at the pup, I smiled encouragingly... Apparently that was all he needed before he was practically attached to my side.
One by one, everyone seemed to get closer to each other, squeezing as close as possible. Even Derek, who was on my left. And I, instead of trying to get away from it, just moved closer.
I moved closer to the warmth.
I moved closer to them.
And, for once, it felt good.
I shouldn't have been surprised that I woke up Saturday morning well rested, nightmare free, surrounded by the Pack with Derek's arm thrown over me.
The next week at school, I wasn't left alone. I always had someone from the Pack with me. And I liked that.
I didn't want a run in with Gabriel. Or Ben. Or Chase.
So I stuck with the Pack; I stuck with my friends.
And so far, it had worked. I hadn't had any of those three bug me. Sure, Gabriel and Ben would just send me these looks and both of them had seemed to be all buddy-buddy all of a sudden... But it was fine. They wouldn't do anything with the Pack with me.
I mean even in art I had someone from the Pack with me – they had a free period. I was just glad that they weren't able to see my project yet.
It was, however, on Friday, February 7th 2014, that I managed to get the whole Pack – Derek and Peter included – into the art block and into my art room. I hadn't told any of them why, just that I needed them up there with me.
And here they were. All of them standing around a table that was covered with a cloth, a noticeable bump in the middle from where numerous objects lay.
"Alright, so, you know how back in November, I came home covered in red pain, and you all thought it was blood?" I asked, grinning, not missing the way they all smiled when I said 'home'. "I said I was doing something for my art project, right."
They all nodded.
"Ok, well, I finished it sixteen days ago." I told them. "I wanted it graded before I showed you guys, though I wanted you all to be the first to see it. And I really want you guys to like it, but I understand if you don't. It's just; I thought it would be cool to do something like this and..."
A hand covered my mouth, alerting me to the fact I was nervously rambling again. The hand was only removed when I gave them a sheepishly apologetic look.
"Anyway, I wanted you guys to see it." I smiled, removing the cloth I had placed over my project.
For my project I had made eleven paintings. Ten were portraits of the people standing with me at that moment, all ten of those paintings surrounding one. That one painting in the middle wasn't a picture, since it was words. Words that I thought described the Pack perfect.
Family Doesn't Stop At Blood.
The words were red, gold-yellow and blue... The colours of the three types of werewolf.
Each portrait was connected to the canvas of words in the middle, as well as to the portraits on either side of it. It was almost like a spider web.
"Wow." was the simultaneous response from the group; the same went for the scent of amazement, happiness and surprise.
"You like it?" I asked, hopefully, fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt. "Like...really?"
"Stiles, we don't like it." Jackson said, shaking his head.
And with those five words, my heart sunk.
"We love it." Scott grinned. "I mean, dude, how can we not!"
And that was fi... Hey, what now?
"What did they give you for this?" Boyd questioned, not taking his eyes off of it.
"F-Full marks." I replied, quietly.
"Good." Peter nodded, firmly. "Would have had to beat some sense into them otherwise."
And, yeah, I didn't really know what was going on, but I was assuming it was good. Especially with the way they were all grinning.
I kind of made me feel...almost, accepted.
I didn't know why... It just did.
Was that strange?
No, I didn't care. I liked the feeling...
"Are you allowed to keep it?" Isaac questioned briefly flicking his gaze towards me before turning back to the paintings.
"Yeah..." I whispered.
"Great. Pack it up." Derek nodded. "Where's it going to go?"
"What?!"
"Well, we have to hang it up." Lydia smiled.
And it was.
It was hung up in the kitchen this time, placed so it would be seen as soon as you entered the room...
And there's that nice feeling again...
It was eight days later – Saturday, February 15th 2014 – that it happened.
I had stepped outside to walk around the forest. Everyone else was asleep, but I needed to clear my head. To think about everything that had happened since September.
It was...mad. Like, freakishly so. But it meant that I met ten of the greatest people I had ever known.
I didn't pay attention to where I went... I just enjoyed the feeling of wind brushing past me, the sound of leaves and twigs beneath my feet, the smell of wood all around. It was calming. It always had been to me.
Whenever I was walking around here, on my own, I always managed to turn out the rest of the world. It was usually how the Pack managed to startle me at times.
That was probably why the next thing I knew I was thrown to the ground.
A startled yelp was drawn from my throat, load enough that it echoed through the forest, as I flipped onto my back, staring up at the two figures looming over me.
Ben was pinning me to the ground now that I was on my back, his hands gripping my wrists tightly as he straddled me. Gabriel, however, was standing just behind him with a dark smirk in place.
"Why do you keep fighting, Babe." Ben sneered.
"G-Get off me." I stuttered, panic and fear already rendering me helpless.
"Oh, I don't think so." Gabriel chuckled, humourlessly. "You see, neither of us takes well to being played by little, frigid, teasing bastards."
"You pathetic, little, snitching, frigid bastard!" Zane snarled. "I should have bashed your head in with that baseball bat, instead. Or, maybe, I should have run that knife through you."
"GET OUT!" Derek roared, freighting all of us. "And never come back. Unless you want the police to find your body scattered across America in bite sized pieces."
"This isn't over." Zane growled, mainly towards me.
"Yes. It is."
Derek pretty much threw Zane out of the door, slamming and locking it into place.
The memory of what happened on Halloween flashed inside my mind, making me seize up in unadulterated, blind panic.
There were too many similarities. Too many connections I could make between the four of them!
I wanted to get away.
I wanted to run.
I wanted the Pack!
But they weren't here... And this was starting to become eerily like the dream I had of Zane and Gabriel...
"Please... Don't..." I whispered. "Don't..."
Gabriel, who I never noticed had disappeared from behind Ben, was now hovering over my head, looking upside down to me, taking over the hold on my arms as Ben sat up.
"Yeah, that's it baby, beg." Gabriel grinned, leaning down to talk right into my ear.
"No! Zane, please! Don't!" I whimpered, trying in vain to get away.
"Yeah, that's it baby, beg." Zane murmured. "Beg for me."
Somehow, in these situations, Zane and dad always seemed to be able to overpower me. That's how he managed to make me stop struggling so much before he dropped the lighter on my chest – he got my shirt off before I was backed up against the wall.
My eyes widened as that memory flash ended.
Were they going to burn me too?
Did one of them have a knife or a lighter hidden somewhere?
I was shaking.
I was sweating.
I was finding it hard to breathe and it felt like I was choking.
I felt sick.
I felt dizzy.
My heart was palpitating and my chest hurt.
Panic attack.
This was the third panic attack I had in less than a year, but only the second proper one. And no one was around to stop it! I couldn't have a panic attack now!
Probably not a good idea to panic about the panic attack, Stiles!
Yeah, probably not. Really not. Need to calm down. Need to calm down...
But I was about to be assaulted in God knows what way, and no one was around to help me!
Ok, this was so not helping!
Ben raised his fist, punching it harshly into my stomach, making the last of the air I was desperately trying to get to leave me completely.
Gabriel shifted slightly so he had both of my wrists pinned with one hand, using the other to collide sharply with my jaw after he curled it tight.
I tried to get out of their hold, but the panic was draining my energy, the lack of air making the edge of my gaze go all fuzzy.
I'm going to be unconscious... They'll probably do what Zane never had the chance to...
Kicking my legs didn't help. It only succeeded in getting Ben into a position where he was sitting right on my crotch. I could feel everything, but he didn't care.
Flattening his fisted hand, Ben slipped it under my shirt and placed it on the area where his fist connected with my flesh as hard as he could. With the leverage he now had, Ben rocked forward, getting just enough friction to feel just a little satisfied.
Both Ben and Gabriel chuckled threateningly, and that alone let me know that, yes, they were intending to do what Zane never succeeded in doing.
It made my stomach churn and my face pale. Well, pale even more, since it was rapidly losing colour at the rate I seemed to be losing blood.
"Don't give out on us now, Tiger." Gabriel demanded, stroking my right cheek and running the tip of his tongue over the shell of my left ear. "The fun has only just begun."
"And, boy, is it gunna get a whole lot better." Ben snickered, hand reaching for the zipper on my jeans.
DUN, DUN, DUN! I AM SO NOT SORRY ^_^ Cliff hangers are great to write, yet awful to read...and I decided I really needed to write a cliff hanger at now XD
DUDE'S THIS IS MY MOST SUCCSESSFUL FIC SO FAR, AND I LOVE YOU ALL FOR THAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING, BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING IT :'D
LONGEST CHAPTER YET! WOO FUCKING HOO!
Please, please review XD
Thank you so much XD