Wave Arc: III

I stole Naruto's jacket again for my watch that night. He didn't say anything, too busy crawling into the futon I'd just vacated and dropping into an exhausted sleep after his own stint on lookout. Maybe we should slow down on abusing his clones - he was, technically, covering three times as many shifts as we were, and even though it looked effortless from the outside to make clones and keep them active for hours on end, neither Sakura nor I really knew what it was costing him. He had a lot of chakra, true, but wasn't there also a mental component involved?

I rested my chin on my knees and stared out from my perch on the roof of the house. Maybe. I didn't know. I hadn't known all that much about the Naruto world to begin with, and I'd muddled in far too much fanon with my canon to really trust myself on the finer details. It's why I was hesitant to act too much on my former knowledge and try and change things, at least in part.

Well, no, that sounds far too honourable and sensible. I wasn't acting on my former knowledge because I was scared people would see I wasn't who I was meant to be, and because the closer I followed the script the more assurance I'd have that I, and to a lesser extent everyone around me, would survive.

Except… I nearly hadn't. I'd known what was coming, I'd done what I thought canon-Sasuke did, and I'd nearly died because I wasn't good enough to pull it off. I'd changed some things, sure; we were tree walking earlier than we should be, Sakura was team leader and Naruto was using clones with a casualness that I didn't think he originally had, I was slotting into a different role than canon-Sasuke's lone hero carries the team mentality would have allowed for. We still came to Wave, though. Still faced the demon chunin brothers or whatever they were called, Kakashi still took Zabuza down with his sharingan and fainted of chakra exhaustion afterwards.

But I'd nearly died. I didn't have the fire jutsu I was meant to have. I wasn't even fire, what kind of failed Uchiha did that leave me as? I'd freaked out when I went underwater and needed rescuing - by an enemy. If Haku wasn't so soft hearted, would the others have found me in time? I thought Kakashi was invincible. He didn't leave teammates behind. He wasn't meant to let me almost drown.

I shivered, and sent out another sweep of kawarimi chakra. I needed to get better at identifying the things I felt with it; at the moment I could pick up the roof, the outline of the house and what I knew to be a raised balcony at the back, and an uneven mostly-flat terrain around it. The still patch that gave slightly when I pressed it was probably water, and the oddly spiky thing that I accidentally knocked over was… a branch? A potted plant? Without being able to see it to confirm, I wasn't sure.

I wanted to assure myself that we wouldn't be attacked, not until Zabuza recovered and staged his dramatic last stand on the bridge, but. Relying on canon just wasn't as appealing anymore. My plot armour was flimsier than I thought. Realistically, we should never have come to Wave - Kakashi should probably have turned us back when the mission rating went up, and even if he hadn't, I should've. Zabuza was a surprise to everyone else, but he wasn't a surprise to me. I should've known better.

And Haku. He saved me. What was I meant to say to that? Thank you for my life, allow me to introduce you to my sensei, he's going to shove a ball of lightning through your chest and then stand back while your whatever Zabuza is to you goes and commits suicide by mob out of grief? I couldn't. Could I? I'd had vague ideas about swooping in and saving the day, sure. Anyone who's watched Naruto knows that those two got the short end of the stick and probably didn't deserve dying like that, but we were ninja. People died all the time. Having enemies remove themselves from the equation was a good thing, it meant less people around trying to remove you.

But Haku hadn't let me die. I buried myself deeper in Naruto's jacket, taking advantage of the fact that it was too broad across the shoulder. The orange was oddly comforting. What would Naruto do? It was his story.

He'd save them both. That wasn't a fair question.

What would I do? If the series was called Sasuke instead of Naruto? It was Naruto's story in canon, but this was my self insert. I'd been doing a pretty shitty job of being a hero so far, but… what would I do?

.

It took four days for Kakashi to recover. Chakra exhaustion wasn't a common thing, particularly not among genin, so none of us knew exactly how to treat it and it was something of a relief when he finally blinked himself awake.

Also, sponge baths. I was tempted to leave him as he was because he'd almost let me drown, but at the same time, ergh. Not that the sponge bath itself was much less ergh. I avoided looking as much as possible and mostly concentrated on getting the river out his hair and ensuring that he wasn't in danger of bed sores - I had no idea how long it took them to develop, but I knew they were a thing and if my grandma was to be believed (which she was, in all things) then they were a thing that sucked ass, so. Also, speaking of hair, I totally called it. Split ends everywhere.

Anyway, it was a relief when he woke up and started hobbling his own self round on crutches. It was even a relief to hear him praise Sakura for her caution in keeping permanent surveillance going, even if the way he laid out that Zabuza was still alive was fairly ominous.

"You can do that with senbon?" Sakura asked, leaning forwards on the rock she was sat on. We were down by the river, far enough away from anyone who might overhear that we could talk freely about the mission. "How come they aren't taught in the academy?"

"Putting someone into a fake-death state is dangerous," he cautioned. "If your senbon is slightly too deep or if it's thrown at the wrong angle, or if your target moves in a way you didn't predict, you could either kill them or not affect them at all."

"That's true of everything, though," I pointed out. "We're ninja, we deal with dangerous all the time. If it's a useful skill, we should know how to use it."

He raised an eyebrow. "There aren't many in Konoha who fight with senbon," he said, "And those that do are usually kunoichi."

I scowled. Really? "I'm good at throwing things. Screw your gender norms. Teach me."

"Ah, Sasuke, you misunderstand. I can't teach you because I don't know how, not because I don't want to." He smiled, leaning forwards on his crutch and making a move to mess up my hair. Thankfully, he was still slow and invalided, and I took shameless advantage by dodging out of reach. "Your disregard for - what did you say? Gender norms is cute though. No wonder all the ladies love you!"

"I liked you better when you were unconscious," I said, then startled as his clone got my hair from behind. Seriously, wasn't he meant to be recovering from exhaustion? Why was he wasting chakra on a shadow clone just to mess with me. Why.

"Maa, but I do need to teach you something though. Listen up, kidlets!"

Naruto and Sakura practically sprang to attention.

"Is it a jutsu?" Naruto asked. "We know our elements now, you have to teach us a really cool wind jutsu, believe it! And," he added hastily, looking back at me and Sakura, "And earth jutsu and water jutsu. Believe it!"

No. No water jutsu. Genjutsu. Piss off.

"It's a jutsu technique," Kakashi said. "Similar to tree climbing, and one that you'll find very useful while we're here. Watch." He hobbled over to the edge of the river, then bypassed the path and kept going straight over the water. Interestingly, it wasn't just his sandals that stood on the surface like a solid object, but also the feet of his crutches. Was he directing his chakra through the wood? Or creating a separate disk of it just to cover where the crutches hit the water and holding it unconnected to his body?

"Water walking," he said once he was a good metre or two out from the bank. "The same as tree climbing, except instead of using your chakra to stick to things, you need to expel it in a constant stream from your feet to push yourself off the water."

"But Sensei, won't pushing the water just move it aside and make you sink?" Sakura asked, frowning as she tried to work out the mechanics.

"If you push too hard, yes - it's very easy to get water walking wrong and fall in, and you'll probably all do that multiple times today." He tilted his head and smiled, and I got a bad feeling. "Which is why, before anyone tries water walking, I want you all to demonstrate to me that you can swim."

The bad feeling crystalised into a lead weight in my stomach. No. I couldn't. No, that was a lie, I could swim - I used to be good at it, I used to love it, I used to be a confident swimmer and take risks I really shouldn't have taken and that was the whole problem - but there was a big difference between 'can swim' and 'can hold off panicking long enough not to drown' and, just at the moment, I really didn't want to.

"Of course we can swim!" Naruto protested. "We're ninja, Kakashi-sensei. We can all swim."

"Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, looking at me steadily. He wasn't even bothering to wait for Sakura's response. He knew I was the only one likely to have trouble. Had he seen my spectacular failure while we were fighting Zabuza? If he had, why hadn't he rescued me?

A sudden thought gripped me. What would he do if I said no? Being able to fight on or near water was a basic ninja requirement. Can hold a kunai, can follow orders, can manage not to freak out at the first sign of wet - he'd already seen me reject ninjutsu because I wasn't a fire type. My faults were piling up, and I wasn't like Lee, I couldn't claim to be strong enough in other areas to make up for them.

What use was a sharingan to someone too weak to be a ninja? No use. Poor distribution of resources. Likely to be remedied post haste. Even if Kakashi was more worried about me putting the other two at risk, being benched would still be a death sentence for me.

"I can swim," I said, tilting my chin up in challenge.

His shoulders dropped a fraction and his mouth thinned. I could see it through the mask. Either I knew him better, or he wasn't bothering to hide his expressions as much as he used to. I set my jaw and refused to back down. "You wanted a demonstration, right? I can demonstrate. Where do you want me to swim to?"

"Sasuke," he said tiredly, and I channeled all my fear into being blindingly angry. I pulled off my shirt in sharp, jerky movements, throwing it roughly behind me so at least one thing would remain dry, and strode out to the river. I could swim. I could be shirtless. I could do anything.

"Where do you want me to swim to, sensei?" I repeated. The water hit my sandals, soaking my socks, then up to hems of my trousers and above my knees. It was cold. It was cold, it was wet, I was fucked if I'd let it stop me. I pushed against the resistance and kept walking.

"Sasuke, stop." His gaze darted down to the bandages still round my chest and I swear he winced. "I know you can't swim."

"You don't know shit -"

"I know that being stuck underwater is your worst fear. It's what you saw when I used the hell viewing genjutsu on you. I know that it's rare for a main-branch Uchiha to be a water-type, and I know that sufficiently traumatic experiences happening to someone with a still developing chakra system can influence how their chakra turns out. I know what it looks like when things haven't healed, even if there's nothing visible from the outside." I flinched at each accusation, one step away from crossing my arms defensively and hunching in to protect myself. "And, Sasuke, I know how dangerous it can be to keep things secret."

"You don't know shit," I repeated miserably. Hatake Suppress-my-trauma-till-it-nearly-kills-me Kakashi, lecturing someone on keeping secrets. How did those years hiding in ANBU turn out for you, sensei? What was it, three hours a day you spend moping over the memorial stone? Four? Fuck off and leave me alone.

"What I don't know is why," he continued as if I hadn't spoken. "And if you don't tell me, then I can't help you." And if he couldn't fix me, then I was done. I got it. I grit my teeth and stared at the water clinging round my waist and didn't answer.

"Sasuke, please," he said quietly. "If you won't talk to me, then talk to someone. Sakura. Naruto. Anyone."

"We won't tell anyone else," Sakura said, and I did hunch in on myself then. I'd forgotten she was there.

"Yeah, bastard. You can count on us," Naruto chimed in. "Because we're a team, right? We'll look after you."

"I don't need looking after," I bit out, but even I could admit it was a pathetic attempt. I was half underwater, wet, friggin cold and what was visible of me was either naked or bandaged. I couldn't even look at them. Any second now Naruto would crack out his therapy no jutsu and I'd be converted, spilling my deepest fears in a dramatic, flash-back filled monologue while mournful music played in the background. It was inevitable, and all my resentment at Kakashi for pushing me to this point suddenly switched to Naruto.

I didn't want to be another stepping stone on his path to becoming a great hero. My life wasn't a character development opportunity for someone else. Fuck that. If I was going to be humiliated like this, it should at least happen on my terms.

I looked up from the water to glare at Naruto and straightened my shoulders. "I died," I said bluntly. "My brother killed me. He killed my whole clan, I wasn't special. The only difference was he held me in a genjutsu when he did it so it didn't stick." Someone made a wounded noise and I ignored them and kept talking. "It's called Tsukuyomi. One second in the real world is three days in the genjutsu world, and he had complete control. He looped it, and I watched him kill everyone, and then he stabbed me and I drowned and it started again." Naruto was white-faced, mouth dropping open in shock. I wanted to keep going, to twist the knife deeper - you wanted me to talk? Then listen - but I broke off with a disgusted tch and shifted my gaze to Kakashi instead.

"I can swim. I need to learn water walking. If you want to help, great. Teach me. Otherwise I'm fine."

He closed his eye, leaning heavily on his crutches and looking pained. How dare he, I thought. How dare - who the hell gave him the right? It was my life. I lived it. Even if it wasn't meant to be my life it was now. No one ever bothered to care before, they just abandoned me in my creepy murder house and was it any pissing wonder that the original Sasuke went batshit and tried to desert and kill them all, I was going to desert just as soon as Itachi was in range and everyone else could go fuck themselves and leave me to it.

"Ok," I said when he didn't answer. I nodded, and took a step back. My sandals had sunk into the bottom of the river while I'd been standing there, and I nearly stumbled as the mud tugged back on them. "Ok. No worries. See you later."

"Sasuke, wait -"

I grabbed a stone from the edge of the river and switched places with it, pausing just long enough to pick up my shirt from the ground and pull it over my head. "Hope the water walking goes well," I told Sakura and Naruto without looking at them, and used another kawarimi to pull myself blindly into the forest. I landed up a tree, next to a splintered area of the trunk where I'd apparently just ripped off a branch, and dropped straight into a loping run through the canopy towards where Naruto's clone was on watch.

"Hey, bastard!" he greeted cheerfully. "What happened to you? Why're you all wet?"

I threw a shuriken in answer and dispelled him, then settled myself into a tightly huddled crouch in the tree fork he'd been sitting in. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to sit here on watch and spread out my chakra as far as it could go and try to work out if the moving things I sensed were squirrels, sparrows, or really small enemy ninja.

I wanted to go home and cry on someone. I wanted my grandma. I wanted my brother. I wanted a lot of things.

"Sucks to be you then, doesn't it," I told myself, and buried my head in my knees. "Shit happens. Sucks to be you."

.

I don't actually know how long I spent on watch. I don't think it was a ridiculously long time, but I also wasn't paying attention for most of it. It was lucky that we weren't attacked. I'd probably have registered an enemy as a big rabbit and watched them gambol merrily past on their way to slaughter the innocent. Because, you know, my chakra sense was as crappy as the rest of my skills, and couldn't actually detect chakra.

I didn't know how to go back. That's the problem with dramatic exits; either you stay in permanent exile or you slink back with shame-faced apologies, there's no inbetween. It's about as far from a power move as it's possible to get. And the thing was, I did actually need to learn how to water walk. And, if I had to admit it to myself, I needed to learn how not to be incapacitated every time I went underwater. Or got caught in a genjutsu - if Kakashi could stick me in a hell viewing technique when he was about the furthest thing from a genjutsu expert, then I'd be screwed if I ever went up against someone good at illusions.

I just… didn't want to go through the learning. It was going to be hard. I was going to hate it. In my animal hind brain I knew that water was bad and the safest thing to do was to stay away from it, and getting my instinctive fear response to chill the fuck out while I went against that sound logic was something way beyond my ability to actually do.

Yeah. Sure. Fine. I was afraid. If you thought I'd managed to hide that from anyone, congratulations, you were wrong. Now that the anger had burnt out, I was left with a whole bundle of fears, ranging from the fact that I'd messed up the team to the fact that I'd messed up canon to the fact that my biggest weakness was now out there for people to act on and use against me. Not that I thought they would, given that my team were the only ones who knew. Team and Haku. At least, I didn't rationally think they would, but I also didn't think rationally, so.

But, after however long it was that I was on watch, the main thing I was left with was a bone-deep exhaustion. I hadn't changed out of my wet clothes and I'd been too upset to get the immolation jutsu to work, so I was damp, cold, and completely drained. My socks were going to give me blisters if I didn't change them for fresh ones. Ironic, given that the fact that I broke tradition and wore socks in the first place was because the sandals were weird and uncomfortable without them.

"Hell, I'm a mess," I mumbled, tipping my head back against the tree. "Where's Plushie-tan when you need him. I told him I'd go nuts if he wasn't there to talk to."

"Sasuke-kun?"

Sakura. I stared up at the leaves for a second, wondering if she'd go away if I didn't answer. In the end though she'd either find me anyway or send one of the boys, and if I was honest she was probably the least objectionable person to talk to at the moment.

One of the boys. You are a boy. Focus, dipshit.

"Up here," I said. I waited for her to walk up to the branch below, then asked, "Your turn to be on watch?"

She shook her head, movements slow and eyes carefully not looking away from me. Like I was a skittish cat who'd bolt if she raised her voice.

Stop it, I chided myself. I had bolted. She could look at me however she wanted.

"Kakashi-sensei's taking patrol for the night," she said. "He's checking the perimeter, us three get a night off."

I hnned in acknowledgement. Then, before the awkwardness could get any worse, "I'm sorry."

"What? Sasuke-kun, no -"

"I shouldn't have left like that," I said, talking over her. "Kakashi was right to bring it up. My failures put the team at risk, I shouldn't have got mad when he pointed it out."

She bit her lip, eyes big in the semi-darkness. It had been cloudy all day and with the trees overhead I hadn't been able to see the sky, but I realised that it had actually started to get dark without me realising. Huh.

"You know that isn't what he meant, right?" she said. I looked back at her blankly. "Sasuke-kun… he wasn't trying to blame you for anything. None of us blame you."

"I never said you did."

"Then you know we want to help you, right? If you want us to," she hurried to add, and I wondered what had shown on my face. I didn't know if I wanted to be helped. I'd rather not be in a position of needing help to begin with. "Because you're you, not because you're part of the team. Well, I mean, you are part of the team, but we want you to be happier for your sake, not just to make the team stronger. Because you're you."

There was too much to unpack and I was too tired, so I just left it and changed the subject. "Thanks, Sakura. Maybe you should try for Hokage instead of Naruto, you've got this leadership business down."

She made a frustrated huff and frowned at me. "I'm not being a leader," she said. "I'm being a friend. Tsunami-san made dinner, if you want some."

I was left staring at the empty space she left as she hopped down to the ground, completely blindsided. I didn't… know what to do? It took me off guard enough that my social anxiety fought with my exhaustion and won. How did people respond to unsolicited offers of friendship? If that even counted as an offer. Was I meant to reciprocate and say I was a friend too? I didn't think I was a friend. How would I know? Hell, it was Ayame's mochi box all over again. Maybe I could do the same thing, hide it in the back of the cupboard and pretend it'd never happened. It worked for the mochi box.

My stomach grumbled at the mention of food though, so whatever I did would wait until after dinner. I dropped out of the tree and didn't even have to jog to catch up with her, she'd been walking that slowly. I watched her warily, waiting for whatever bombshell she wanted to drop on me next, but she just smiled and increased her pace to a normal speed.

O...kay then?

"Sasuke-bastard!" Naruto practically yelped in greeting when we turned up. "You're back! Did you -" I wasn't looking at Sakura, so I don't know what she did, but Naruto's eyes flicked to her then back to me and he abruptly changed course. "Uh, want, some, um soup? It's miso soup. You like miso soup. It's tasty. Not as tasty as ramen but it's still tasty."

"Stop," I said, vaguely bewildered by the rapid fire statements. "How did you ever pull a prank on anyone, you're the least subtle person I've ever met."

He sniffed, and here I couldn't actually tell if he was being over dramatic or if this was his genuine reaction. "I have hidden depths," he informed me. "Eat your soup."

For want of anything better to do, I sat down, said thank you to Tsunami for dinner, and ate my soup. Sakura claimed the chair next to me and Naruto was opposite. Kakashi, I noticed, was nowhere to be seen. Sakura must've been serious about him being on patrol.

There was an oddly fragile atmosphere to the evening. Tazuna filled it with his normal chatter, and Tsunami and Sakura both nodded along and made correct listening-but-not-really-participating noises to keep things from feeling awkward. Inari appeared briefly to give us all our daily dose of nihilism and Naruto managed to suppress his usual loud response in favour of asking Tazuna something about cement. He was still trying to learn how construction worked; as useful as his clones could be for a large scale building project, they weren't actually helpful unless he knew what he was doing. Seeing as Tazuna's team was a well-oiled machine - even if most of them were on the older end of the spectrum, Gato having… discouraged the younger population - he was more often underfoot than not, and had been banned from the bridge until he could prove himself worthy of builder status. Luckily, Tazuna was more than happy to pass on his knowledge; unluckily, his teaching style was as erratic and ambitious as his blueprints. It was a work in progress.

I didn't participate in any of the conversation, which wasn't actually unusual. The way Sakura and Naruto were watching-not-watching me though, that was new. I'd look up from my plate and suddenly a bowl of rice and pickled vegetables had appeared in front of me. Look over at Naruto, and he was focussed on Tazuna's description of how harbour chains worked with a studied intensity that bordered on frightening. Look back at Sakura and she just so happened to glance over at me with a distracted smile at that exact moment, then resume trying to convince Tsunami to let her help clear up.

The whole thing was odd. Also my fault, so I didn't say anything and just went along with it, but still odd. Not that I'd known what to expect. Not that I'd been expecting anything at all, really. I'd just blown up and stormed out without thinking, because why not.

The deliberately light hearted tone continued when we left the table and went up to our room. Tazuna's house wasn't big enough for us to have separate rooms but it was no big deal to share; there was a private area to get changed, and it was actually more comforting to sleep together as a team than have Sakura as the one girl in a separate room.

Was it socially acceptable, I wondered, to ask people why they were being so nice? Probably not. It probably counted as fishing for compliments, or some other thing I wasn't meant to do. It felt rude though not to acknowledge what they were doing, even if I didn't understand it, but just coming out with "Thank you for not being dicks about my childhood trauma" seemed a bit passive aggressive, so. Should I ask about the water walking training they did, or…?

I settled for an awkward wave on the way to the shower. I wasn't even hiding, I was just genuinely getting clean - and putting on my pyjamas, if we had a night without needing to be up for patrol then I was making the most of it and more fool the other two if they hadn't brought theirs - and I scrubbed as quickly as I could so as not to block the bathroom for the rest of the house. I even quick-dried my hair, towelling it roughly instead of leaving it to air dry or carefully patting out the moisture like I usually did. It left everything ridiculously fluffy and staticky, but it took less time, so. Fluffy hair was fine.

Sakura was carefully combing hers out when I got back to the room, apparently halfway through explaining to Naruto why she wasn't going to copy his sexy no jutsu form and put it up in bunches.

"Why not?" he asked, throwing his hands up. "You said you wanted it out of your face, and they're really cute!"

"For little girls! And how exactly are bunches out of my face, they're more in the way than having it loose."

"Sakura-chan, that doesn't make any sense."

"Why don't you braid it?" I suggested. Had I seen many braids on ninja? Had I seen many braids on anyone? For such a useful hairstyle, they seemed surprisingly overlooked.

The conversation - argument? - ground to a halt as soon as I spoke. I tensed as they both looked at me. Stupid. I forgot, and now everything was back to being super careful and non-threatening again. "Sorry," I said, looking away and making a beeline for my futon.

"Braids are a great idea, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said with far too much enthusiasm. "I'd love to braid it. I just don't know how, so I was thinking of something else."

And, because I hadn't finished making everything supremely awkward for everyone involved, I said, "I could show you?"

Why. Do I do the things I do.

"Um, ok," she said, looking about as wrong-footed as I felt. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun." Naruto was squinting between us with his prime confused but waiting to see how it plays out expression on, and both of us elected to ignore him.

"Ok. Right, then." I knelt down behind her, and hoped I wasn't blushing. She was definitely blushing. Kami please tell me this wasn't secretly a romantic fantasy or something, I didn't need it to be weirder than it already was. "Do you have a tie?"

She handed me a small elastic from her weapons pouch, proving once again that only a fraction of hair ties are ever actually used for tying hair up. I gathered her hair behind her head and tried not to let my fingers actually touch her, split it into sections, and started braiding. Functional, professional, just one teammate showing another a new skill, that's all it was.

Halfway through I found myself relaxing, the repetitive movements bringing up memories of doing this with friends from my old world. Her hair was surprisingly soft for a ninja, and too short at the front to pull back into a simple braid. I left some strands of her fringe loose instead and gathered the rest in a couple of smaller braids to merge into the larger one later, passing them forward for her to hold until I could bring everything together and finish off with the tie.

"Done," I said, rocking back on my heels and surveying it with a critical eye. It was pretty. I'd've killed for hair like Sakura's before; mine had been too curly for fancy styles and too dry to risk bleaching, pink and straight was a dream I could never have hoped to achieve.

She raised a curious hand to it, running her fingers over the braids. Naruto handed her a mirror (orange, and therefore probably a clone) before she could ask, and I retreated back to my futon as she examined herself. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun," she said, this time much softer and less unsure than before. "It looks great. I love it."

I waved her off, not willing to let my current calm turn unsettled again. "You're welcome. It's no trouble."

"Hey bastard, do me! Do me next!"

I will fight you for my zen, Naruto. "Your hair's even shorter than mine. There isn't enough to braid."

He put his hands together in a familiar seal. "Sexy no jutsu! Now do me, I have loads of hair!"

"Naruto, you can't use that jutsu!" Sakura hissed. I think it's only the fact that we were in someone else's house that stopped her slamming him through the floor.

He wrinkled his nose. On his currently female face, it looked unbearably cute. Sakura was right though - the pigtails he'd chosen were very little girl, which was slightly odd on Naruto's curvy, several years older body. Was it concerning? Should I be concerned? Didn't he teach this jutsu to Konohamaru at some point?

"Why?" he asked. "You're a girl and the bastard doesn't care. I'm still wearing my jimjams, so what's the problem?"

"Jimjams," I repeated. "Jimjams. Naruto what the fuck."

"He probably does care, he's just too polite to say so! Right, Sasuke-kun? It's weird when a guy suddenly turns into a hot girl!"

They both looked at me. I floundered. Naruto called pyjamas jimjams and Sakura thought his girl form was hot. Surely we were learning more about them than about me at that moment. "Um," I said. "I don't mind? Whatever makes you comfortable."

"See!" Naruto crowed, pointing vigorously in triumph. Sakura made a strangled sound and crossed her own arms over her chest as though Naruto would psychically get the message that his pyjama top - sorry, his jimjam top wasn't providing sufficient support. "The bastard's fine with it!"

"The bastard's going to bed," I said, and lay down decisively. "Night."

"What - hey, wait! You didn't do my hair!"

"I'll do it tomorrow night if you still want me to. Sleep." Who knew when we'd get a full uninterrupted night again, Kakashi couldn't take solo watch all the time. I was going to make the most of it, damn it, even if I had to spend the entire time with my pillow over my head to achieve it.

.

Hatake Suppress-my-trauma-till-it-nearly-kills-me Kakashi
Hatake Only-alive-because-Gai-was-too-stubborn-to-give-up Kakashi
Hatake Lost-my-entire-team-and-refused-to-take-another-till-now Kakashi
Hatake Almost-got-my-genin-killed-on-his-first-mission Kakashi
Hatake Kakashi