Chapter two

I can't say that I lost consciousness, but I certainly wasn't aware of myself, nor my surroundings for some time. I "woke" if that's the word for it when I heard a door creak opened followed by the shuffling of metal and booted footsteps around me. Hushed voices drifted to my ears, lulling me out of whatever state I had been in. They were unmistakably familiar, yet I couldn't place a name, my mind still hazy from being unconscious. Though my back faced them, I could detect three separate voices.

"Permission to speak freely sir?" Said a gruff voice before the door slide shut. He must have been following behind the other two. I knew the voice. Rhys. I bit back a groan. He probably wanted to discuss my resent reappearance, no doubt he had thrown a party when I left. I had hoped to avoid him when I got here, guess that was too much to ask for.

The second voice let out a short impatient sigh, I recognized his instantly. "Permission granted knight." Paladin Danse said, I could recognize the annoyed tone he gave Rhys, but it was paired with another emotion I couldn't quite place, concern, worry?

"Why are we allowing Gilmore back?" Rhys said practically demanding. How'd I know it be about me? Call me psychic. "She's not Brotherhood material sir. She's too hot headed, impulsive, immature, irresponsible and reckless. She nearly got you killed on the last few missions you've been on with her! That and her condition now only proves it! She's a danger to not only herself but to others."

"Rhys!" I heard the third hiss. Haylen. Had to be Haylen. "You can't just talk bad about her! Especially with her being in the same room!"

He was beginning to sound like a broken record, "I've already stated it to her face." He said flatly. "Sir, I'm merely expressing a concern. She is a danger to everyone around her, and she doesn't even care!"

"That's not true!" Haylen said raising her voice, "She does care! If she didn't she wouldn't have talked Brandis into coming back nor would she have helped me track down all that tech or-or even to stop and helped us with the ferals."

"She should have just kept on walking." Rhys snapped, "We'd be better off without-"

Danse cut in after that, his voice stern and commanding. "Enough." And just like fell into a military silence as their commanding officer spoke. It surprised me how cold his voice sounded-I bet it surprised Rhys too- "Knight, it is not your place to judge, especially so harshly. Gilmore is my recruit, there for I will see to her. And Haylen, I appreciate your concern on the matter but you need not go any further. Now, you two are dismissed."

I heard both issues a yes sir before the sound of their feet shuffled away and the door opened and closed behind them. Not too long after did I hear Danse let out a breath. He didn't leave with them? His heavy power armor footsteps drew closer.

It was quiet for some time after that, though in the halls I could barely hear armor feet and muffled voices. I never thought the police station could be filled with so much activity. I was beginning to grow restless-and bored-with the silence, but before I could "wake" Danse spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper. He sounded so strained, so tired, but why? What happened while I was gone? "What the hell happened Emery…"

The use of my first name sent my emotions into a spiral, I was certain that if I wasn't lying down, I'd be dizzy again. He never used my first name, hell I didn't think he knew it. I had been so used to either hearing, initiate or my maiden name, that it was nice to hear him use my name. It also made me want to hear him say it again.

I let out a groan effectively startling him. I heard his metal footsteps scuff away. Whether he was sitting or standing I wasn't sure. I opened one eye slowly, testing how my head reacted to the flood of lights. Not well for the moment I did, spots floated into my vision. I let out a real grown this time and smothered my face into the pillow. "Gilmore?" He asked sternly. I let out another groan, back to the last name, lovely.

"Turn off the lights and I'll wake up." I said my voice muffled by the pillow.

He huffed but didn't argue. I could hear footsteps then the click of the light switch, I gingerly rolled back over opening my eyes. He was standing above me now, and boy did the guy scream 'I'm so fucking pissed at you.' "Good morning to you too." I sniped, hoping to relax that stony expression.

Danse had only stared back, his eyes sharp. No, I deflated. Humor wouldn't get me out of this one. But when did it ever when faced with Danse in his full on Paladin mode. "Report." He said in a tone that matched his hardened expression.

"Uh…" Crap. I had been so focused on actually getting here that I hadn't even considered what to say to him. He probably thought I was off gallivanting for the Brotherhood instead of saving and building settlements for the minutemen. And playing detective with Nick. I tried to find my voice, sure I could say I would tell Danse everything, but when the time finally came to it, I was too much of a coward to say it. "Did you want the low down of what I was doing these past two months or why I look like I went through the shredder?

"Both." He said crossing his arms.

Lovely…"Well, I've been out clearing a few places of ghouls." Wasn't a total lie, a lot of settlements had been plagued by ferals.

His expression hadn't softened, in fact it seemed to do the exact opposite. "For the last two months?" He asked incredulous. "You just up and leave out of the blue one day, with no mention that you're leaving. Then you don't show up at all, making us all think you either ran for it, or died out there, then you come back and you say you've spent that time killing ferals?" He glared.

I couldn't blame him for being angry with me. I had run away, I didn't even tell anyone where I was going or if I'd even be back. He no doubt felt betrayed, like I walked out on him. Guilt chipped away at my shoulders and I had to hide my gaze from him, to hide my shame. "I'm sorry, I left like that…I didn't-I hadn't planned on being gone for that long…I just…" I said slowly then with a much firmer tone I added, "-I had something I needed to do."

His voice softened a fraction, "Alright, I won't press it any further." He said. I looked back at him, why was he being so lenient? Not that I was complaining, but I thought he'd keep asking… "Now why are you in this condition?"

Oh, that was it. He was more concern about the current situation, he wouldn't drop what I did, but he was more focused on the injuries. That had to be it. "I ran into a small group of synths who weren't to please to see me." I admitted, it wasn't too far from the truth. They weren't too happy to see me. "I uh, barely got away. For a bag of bolts, they're pretty tough fighters. "

His expression darkened again, though I could still see a look of concern flash through his eyes. "A synth did that." He asked using his chin to point at the gash on the side of my face.

Subconsciously I raised a hand to it. The bandages felt wet to touch. Must have opened up. "I fell, guess I scarped it against a rock or something." Or when Kellogg had grabbed my head and bashed it repeatedly against the side of a desk. Must have scraped against a sharp edge. I hadn't paid too much attention to the details to busy fighting to break free.

"You're lying" He said flatly.

I stared at him, the disbelief must have shown on my face for he added. "I've gotten better at reading you Gilmore. Well good enough to know when you lie." He said. "Your nose crinkles in the slightest way, each time you lie."

Damn, I didn't even know that about myself. If it had been a different situation I would have been flattered that he took notice to the things I did. Now though, now I bit back groan of irritation. He continued though cutting off any response I might have had. "Now, do you want to inform me of the real reason you in this condition, or can I guess. "

The truth will come out eventually. Fuck the guy who came up with that crappy line. I let out a defeated sigh and tried to focus on anything that wasn't him. "Gilmore, "He said softly, his tone making me jump. "If it's hard to talk about….you don't need to tell me."

A small smile broke out on my face. I was touched by his words. I had grown accustomed to people poking into my business, or pushing me into confessing I was pre-war. It wasn't a topic I wanted to discuss so freely. I already felt like an outsider in this new world, I didn't want people to stare at the pre-war relic too. I was grateful, but I couldn't resist the surge of guilt that rushed through me. He told me the burden he felt over the loss of his team. Couldn't I tell him at least some of my past? He had a right to know. I had to start being completely honest with him. Nick was right about that part at least. I took a breath and gathered that courage everyone thought I had. "Danse." I breathed looking up under my eye lashes. "I spent most of those two months trying to track down the man who kidnapped my baby. My friend had a lead and we jumped on it."

To my considerable surprise I heard his breath hitch. Probably shocked that I was a mother. I had Shaun when I was nineteen. I was shocked too. I had no idea if that was too young in this period of time. But by his initial reaction, maybe it was. When he said nothing I continued, "His name was Kellogg, he's probably mentioned somewhere in the Brotherhood database. He worked for the Institute, a trained lap dog really. "I said, looking down at my hands, feeling that all too familiar feeling of disconnect take over whenever I told the story. It had taken me some time to be able to tell the story without bursting into tears, "He shot my husband point blank and took my son from his arms." I watched and couldn't do a damn thing. Couldn't save Nate or Shaun. I though bitterly, feeling the wounds I had fought so hard to heal open. "Took me a while to track him down, my friend Nick helped. He said he didn't want me to finish it without him. Together the two of us rushed in. We weren't prepared for the army of synths that protected the bastard. When we finally got to the bastard, he said I was too late, a few years too late. That he handed over my son to the institute. After that, I pretty much lost it. But thanks to Nick I didn't end up as ash on the floor to be swept up by the Synths."

I spared a quick glance at him, his features twisted in a jumble of emotion. Concern, confusion, sympathy, fear? His next question surprised me though, "You were married? I mean not that-that was rude, I'm sorry." He said as his shoulders scrunch up with awkwardness.

"It's alright Danse. " I said as I placed my hand on his knee. He tensed at the touch but relaxed slightly. I gave him a smile. "Most people are." The old bats in my neighborhood had a field day when they met me. Young mother and a wife? Jealous old crones.

"I'm sorry, is a bit inadequate." He said slowly looking away, "I'm not the best person to talk to about these kinds of things. Need advice on the best way to kill a super mutant I can give you…"

I felt myself chuckle, even when he didn't try, he could make me smile. "It's okay Danse. " I said. "Coming from you, it helps."

"Gilmore." He said, I looked back at him, and our eyes locked. I could see that fierce drive of dedication blaze within them. The same look he'd give when talking about anything Brotherhood related. Now he was giving it to me. My breath caught in my throat, I was afraid that if I let it go it would sober the moment. "I promise, I will help you in any way I can. "

'My word is my bond, and my bond is steel.' His words echoed in my mind. I let the breath go. Suddenly with that lost breath, I felt lighter. I believed him. Just by his tone, I knew he would.

I swatted at my eyes to try and cover the tears that stubbornly welled in my eyes. He gave me smirk, if he noticed my tears he didn't say. "You just have to trust me." He said, a warmth filling his tone. "Let me in once in a while."

A chuckle escaped my lips, "That works both ways big guy." I said, "I'm here if you need it."

That had caught him guard. His whole body tense, and he gave me a look that screamed uncomfortable. "I-I" He tried to say before he regained his composure. He cleared his throat, a blush tinging his ears. "I appreciate it, but I'm your commanding officer, I shouldn't-"

"Danse, you're also my friend, "I urged. I didn't want the stress of rank to interfere with whatever kind of friendship we had. That and he needed to be called out for being the hypocrite that he was. "You can't say you want me to open up to you, without opening up yourself."

He gave me a hesitant look, I thought for sure he was going to dismiss me and give some bullshit excuse. Like how he's my commanding officer not my pal. But he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and shook his head. "Fine, but on two conditions."

"What?" This couldn't be good.

"I expect honesty from you, so no dodging questions and no more white lies."

I had planned on doing that already, but I guess it was more of an incentive now. "What's the other?" I asked narrowing my eyes.

"To try and take better care of yourself." He said, concern lacing his features. "When you collapsed like that I-we thought you were dead." He continued his voice low.

I looked him over, unsure of what I heard before he tried-and failed-to cover it up. Could he-no. He was just expressing concern for a teammate and friend. Not because he had any sort of feelings for me. I'm just over thinking it. If there was anything I claimed to know about Danse, it was that he he was married to his work. There's brotherhood, then there's everything else. No in between... "I cant't guarantee that I won't get injured again. "I said slowly ignoring the pointed look he was giving me. He should know me by now, I'm a klutz. "But I'll try to dodge bullets better."

"Gilmore." He growled.

"Fine! I'll ignore the irrational side of my brain once in a while." I rolled my eyes, what did the guy want me to create a shield that stopped bullets.

"Outstanding." He smiled, "Now I want you to get some rest, I'll see if I can find you something to eat."

I offered him a small nod, before he ducked out of the room, leaving me with a lot to think about. He wanted honesty, so did, I but could I tell him everything? He seemed so shocked that I had been married and had a son. How would he react to me being a human Popsicle for the last two hundred or so years? When the time comes though, I won't hold back. I thought. If he wanted to be let in, than I'll let him.

It scared me in a way. To let him in like that. On the one hand, I was glad that I found someone like Danse. Even though I was unsure of what my feelings for him really meant, I was glad at least to have him as a friend. I hadn't had this kind of friendship since Nate, and I thought I wouldn't again.

Brining up Nate was like a stab to the chest.

Realization hit me like a gust of wind. My breath caught in my throat and I grasped for breath. Nate wasn't even buried yet and here I was falling for another man. Fuck! Nate hadn't even been dead for more than a year!

What kind of horrible person was I?

Tears of anger welled in my eyes as my heart ached. And what kind of mother was I to be thinking about a relationship when my baby was still missing? I had to put a cap on my feelings for Danse. For now we would just have to remain as friends. It has to stay this way. I ordered myself. I cannot think of him as anything more!

I knew this was gonna be easier said than done.

~x~

The rest of the evening had proved to be less uneventful compare to earlier. I had closed my eyes for a while once Danse had left. I didn't really sleep though, it was one of those naps where you're aware of your thoughts yet not your surroundings.

Danse had returned lulling me out of my nap. He came back with razor grain bread and a can of Pork n' beans. Normally I'd take a pass at anything that's as old as I was, but when the smell hit my senses it made me realize just how hungry I actually was.

It tasted like metal and radiation, but it warmed my stomach and kept the vertigo at bay. Polishing off the can, I placed it down and glanced at Danse. "So, what's up with the swarm if steel around the place?"

His head turned back to me, having previously been staring out the window. "I take it you missed the giant airship that docked at the air base." He said with a smirk.

"How could I not." I said. "I'm more surprised that there's a working dirigible here in the wasteland."

He gave me a look and raised his eyebrow, "Dirigible?" Wait, Mr. Vocabulary didn't know the word Dirigible?

"The giant airship. That's what they're called." At least that's what their called in my time.

He shook his head, "I've never heard anyone call the Prydwen that before."

"Pryd-what?" Now it was my turn to look confuse. "That the name of the ship?"

His gaze returned back to the window, a soft prideful expression graced his features, "Yes, she is the pride of the Brotherhood." He said, "It had taken us years to get her up and running."

He must have forgotten about the word. Good, didn't want to explain prewar things yet. "Well it is impressive, that and those helicopters."

He gave me another look, "Helicopters?" Guess that term didn't exist anymore.

"Those mini airships." What the fuck was I supposed to call them, metal flying birds?

"You mean vertibirds." He said slowly, narrowing his eyes. "I think you might have hit the ground harder than I thought."

My hand felt the bump on the side of my head, golf ball sized. "No." I answered. "I just never heard the right word for them. You know being in a vault can do that to you." Wasn't again a total lie. I bet a lot of Vault dwellers didn't know their names.

"I sometimes forget you were raised in a vault." He said as he rubbed his chin. "Most of the vault dwellers I've ever encountered never had your kind of attitude."

I rolled my shoulders and flashed him a cheeky grin, "Guess that makes me one of a kind."

His neck turned red and his shoulders stiffened, but he nodded at me. I barely heard him whisper, "You are."

I felt my own cheeks burn, but I quickly looked away. Stop! I ordered myself. I can't have these feelings. To ease his awkwardness and to change the topic. I said, "So now that command is here," Keep it formal for now. "What are our order sir?"

His blush vanished instantly. Still ridged, but not embarrassed, he reassumed his composure and slipped into his all too familiar military tone. Good I smiled. "We needed to regroup for reassignment.I also was issued new orders. I am to take you up to the Prydwen to meet Elder Maxon. "

My smiled vanished instantly, suddenly the food in my stomach felt like a ball of iron. This was it. The moment that I had to make up my mind. If I wanted to officially join the Brotherhood. I hadn't really thought too much on the topic. I had heard so many bad things out on my journey through the common wealth, but I never knew what to believe really. I knew I was part of the Minutemen, and I always would be. But what harm could there be in finding out if what they said is true and the Brotherhood is just full of bigots. I had to see for myself.

Danse was watching me now, concern wrought his features. Could he sense my hesitation? His look only confirmed my suspicions. I felt my heart tighten in guilt. I may not stand by a lot of the Brotherhood beliefs, but if all Brotherhood members had the heart and dedication that Danse had, than I knew what I had to do. I would still help the Minutemen, I wouldn't betray them like that, but I could do both couldn't I? "Alright lead the way."

~x~

Well, that wasn't what I was expecting. But truth be told, I didn't really know what to expect. I had thought that Maxon wanted to get a good look at the "grubby Vault dweller' as Rhys had taken up to calling me. I was shocked to stay the least when the guy had promoted me to knight, even more so when I was given a new set of power armor. After that, he ordered me to meet everyone and get a good feel of the ship.

My first impression of the elder was, well stiff. He looked like he hadn't cracked a smile in over, well twenty years. It was also surprising to know the guy was my age. With his looks and sour disposition I had pegged him to be around Danse's age. But then again I didn't know Danse's age. He was impressive though, from what I heard about him. Yet for all his abilities I had to wonder, how much of him, was still him? How much was left of his personality after the sacrifices he's made towards his ambition. Maybe beneath all that gruff, grumpy shell, was a person that fit more his age. Who knows, he was still a stiff shirt person to me.

If I thought Maxon was a grump, boy was I in for a surprise.

I had stopped off to see Proctor Quinlan first, and instantly regretted it. Not only did the good doctor look like one of those pinched face mad scientist villains from the movies, he had a stick wedge so far up his ass it was in competition with the one up Kells. I had tried making a joke about some of the other types of documents I had in my possession but his face had scrunched up to the point where I thought it would disappear entirely. So the good doctor didn't have a sense of humor, noted. Though I did give the doctor one point. It wasn't a saving grace or anything, but it was enough to make me think he was better than Captain Kells. The good doctor had a love for cars, and anyone who loved cats, got a plus in my book. I could totally picture the guy behind his desk petting the cat with an evil scowl on his face.

It was so weird that the ship was filled with them. I would have thought it be filled with dogs. Getting off topic…

Next was Knight-Captain Cade, there wasn't much to say about the guy other than he seemed like a pretty cool guy who actually seemed to care about his patients. He even offered to show me some of the proper basic to field medicine, given that I knew absolutely nothing about medicine, just what I knew from biology class.

After that was Proctor Ingram, who I surprisingly liked. She had a sense of humor and she knew a lot about building and modding things. I'd have to exchange notes with her one day.

Then there was Teagan. Something was crooked about that guy…My instincts told me he was up to something. I'd let it go for the time being. Curiosity killed the cat and all that jazz.

Now I found myself roaming the halls of the Prydwen searching for Danse. I had tried looking for his quarters, but I ended up getting hopelessly lost. "Shit." I muttered to myself as I looked around at unfamiliar settings. There really ought to have maps posted around here, or arrows pointing to locations or something.

I had turned around and almost tripped over the small person who had snuck up behind me. Instead of falling forward as gravity intended, I pulled myself back and landed on my ass with an ungraceful thud.

"Are you lost?" Asked the young scribe, her blonde braids poking out of her hood. "You look lost." Her eyes wild with curiosity.

I had almost forgotten that the ship was also home to the Brotherhood's children. I had wondered why they would bring their children along, but I could understand wanting to keep them close. "Uh…yeah." I trailed off, while dusting myself off. "But what are you doing down here?"

The little squire beamed brightly at me, flashing me her missing two front teeth with a wide smile. "I'm playing capture the Paladin." She said, "Do you know where Paladin Danse is?"

Capture the Paladin? Must be the Brotherhood equivalent of Hide and go seek. "No I haven't seem him. But I am looking for him." I said, "Maybe you could help me find him?"

The little girl squealed with delight and not a moment after did she grab my hand and drag me off. "By the way, what's your name?"

The young squire dropped my hand and whirled to face me. While doing the Brotherhood salute she said, "Squire Morgan Jones, ma'am."

They really started them off young. I'm glad it wasn't all work and no play. Even in the wasteland kids needed to have some amount of fun. "Pleasure to meet you Morgan." I smiled, "My name is-"

"Emery Gilmore! You're the new Knight that's being sponsored by Paladin Danse!" Morgan beamed, "You're really lucky! Paladin Danse never sponsors anyone! When I grow up I want to be trained by him."

I didn't know that part. I mean Maxon had hinted that Danse rarely sponsored anyone. "I bet you will one day." It was cute that Danse had a little fan. "And uh, pretend you didn't hear me say that word, 'kay?"

She gave me a curious look as she took my hand again, "Why? I've heard much worse."

Somehow that didn't surprise me.

After what seemed like hours-probably because it was-we finally found him. The sneaky bastard thought he was being clever by standing in front of his power armor station, pretending it was empty. I taken a hunch thinking, 'no he wouldn't be that clever' but I had been proven wrong. When I had looked inside the visor I heard a sharp intake of breath, and the hiding paladin took a step back away from me.

"I thought it was an excellent idea." He said taking off his helmet and setting it down on his workbench. "I also didn't expect you to join Gilmore."

"Well I finished my meet and greet so I-"

"Found you Paladin Danse!" Morgan squealed as she launched herself onto his leg.

Danse's reaction surprised me. He chuckled-no it wasn't that-picked up Morgan and placed the giggling child on his shoulder. "Outstanding Squire Jones!" He said. "Now why don't we go find the others and let them know you found me?"

"Sir, yes sir!"

I watched the exchanged with a warm feeling fluttering in my chest. For all his gruff, steel like exterior, it was heartwarming to see him let go of his rank. To stop being Paladin Danse, and just be Danse. It was also touching to see he had a soft spot for kids. I didn't peg him to play with kids, not when there was work to be done. A smile broke out of my face.

He must have felt me staring, for he turned back to me a blush creeping up his neck. He gave me a sheepish look before he diverted his eyes ahead of him. "Are you coming Gilmore?" He asked briskly.

My smile only grew as I caught up with them, "Of course sir."

~x~

Danse and I had found the other squires in the mess hall, huddling together. More than likely trying to formulate a battle plan to 'Capture the Paladin'. When we entered, the squire's heads poked up and then the next second we were surrounded in a flurry of young curious adolescences, "That was the best game yet!" One of the older scribes said.

"How did jones know where to find you?" Said another.

Instead of getting overwhelmed like I was, by the bombardment of questions, Danse just placed little Morgan down and addressed the group, "A good Paladin never reveals his strategy to the other side." He smirked.

Morgan looked up at him with huge eyes, "Could we do another round Paladin Danse." She asked.

With those big puppy dog eyes, I'd have said yes in a heartbeat, but Danse ever the unbreakable rock, stayed firm, unfazed by the guilty looks. "Negative." He said, straightening his posture. "The new Knight and I have some business to attend to."

I almost groaned in disappointment with the young squires. Back to work. Danse gave me a look, probably thinking I was groaning with them. "You all have work that needs to be attended too." He said, his voice stern. Back to Paladin Danse. "I've kept you from it long enough."

Most of them nodded in agreement. While being ushered by the older squires. Unitedly they said, "Thank you Paladin Danse." Danse gave a farewell nod, then turned back to me. "Follow me Knight." And his military tone returned.

We walked in a brisk silence as we made our way towards the sleeping quarters, or at least I assumed they were what with all the beds, then labeled rooms around us. We entered one of the rooms and I knew instantly it had to be Danse's. The desk was cluttered with weapon scrap, scrap metals, and tools, an organized mess. I wasn't surprised to see odd bits of power armor laying around. What did surprise me though were the different prewar books on one of the small shelves near his bed. They ranged from poetry to short stories, history to philosophies, and even fiction books.

"I wanted to speak somewhere privately." He said breaking me away from my thoughts. "I hope this isn't, well awkward. I knew we wouldn't be bothered in here." He avoided my eye, most likely he was the one who was uncomfortable.

I suppressed my urge to giggle at his sudden shyness. "This is fine." I said, "But why did you want to speak to me privately?" I was boggled at the idea. He had sounded so formal in the mess hall that I had assumed he wanted to discuss something mission related, or scold me on something I had done. Couldn't think of anything other than the joke I tried on Quinlan. This was different though and I couldn't fight back my curiosity on the matter.

He still wouldn't look at me, instead his eyes focused on his work bench. He lost out a frustrated sigh and said, "Would it be possible to speak, off the record?" He didn't have that strict military tone to his voice, instead it was replaced by a tone that seemed, hesitant and nervous. "You had said I could tell you anything. I'd like to take you up on that."

"Off the record?" I echoed. That was weird. That had to be the cause for his awkwardness. Whatever he wanted to discuss could not be easy for him to say. It also wasn't like him to ask personal things. "Alright…"

He cleared his throat and looked away from the workbench. Still his eyes refused to look at me, and I couldn't quite help feeling that I was the cause for his rigidness. He shifted his posture before he said, "This is difficult for me to talk about. I'm horrible at these types of things, so if you could bear with me." Danse stared intently at his books now, fighting with himself, then finally he looked at me. "When you were first placed under my sponsorship, I had some serious reservations about it." I had a feeling he did. I mean we both practically hated each other. And I wasn't-still not-military material. Nate was enough for that department. Someone had to be the carefree type. "Despite all that, this has turned out to be a rewarding experience…for both of us. At this point, honestly I don't feel like there's anything else I could teach you about being a Brotherhood solider that you don't already know. It's apparent from you attitude and your actions that you intend to keep those ideals close to you heart."

I felt myself frown. He had said this before, not with all the same words, back at the police station before I left. But this time he seemed much more awkward and unease. There was more to this than there appeared. "Thank you." I said slowly, "But I don't think you wanted to tell me all that in private, what's the real reason big guy?"

His eyes trailed down to his feet, and he shifted his weight to the other side. "Is it that obvious?" He muttered. "I've never been good at this sort of thing. Let me start from the beginning. I grew up alone in the Capital Wasteland. Spent most of my childhood picking through the ruins and selling scrap." That must be why he didn't really mind when I did it. "When I was a bit older, and had a few caps to my name, I moved into Rivet City to open a junk stand. While I was there, I met a guy named Cutler. We got along pretty well, watched each other's backs and kept each other out of trouble. When the Brotherhood came through on a recruiting run, we felt like it was the best way out of our nowhere lives, so we joined up."

"Rivet City?" Must be post war, 'cause I never heard of it.

"It was a settlement built inside the remains of a beached aircraft carrier. One of the safest places to live in the Capital Wasteland, until the Brotherhood arrived. It was the perfect location for me to try my hand at being a merchant."

I bit back a chuckle, The Great Paladin Danse wanted to be a merchant? Oh if only Rhys knew! "I have a hard time picturing you as anything other than a Paladin."

That seemed to be the magic words to release his awkwardness. His eyes snapped back to mine, and he smirked at me. "Clearly I found my calling." He laughed. "Anyway, about a year after we were posted to the Prydwen, Cutler vanished on a scouting op. It took some convincing, but I was able to persuade my CO to let me assemble a squad and search for him. It took almost three weeks, but we tracked his team down to a super mutant hive. Those wretched abominations had slaughtered everyone but Cutler. He should have been so lucky." The finality of his tone unsettled me, but not as much as his haunted gaze. It worried me, I knew he still carried the guilt of losing his teammates with him, but to also carry something like this? My heart ached for him. I wanted to reach out to him, but I reigned in the urge. Now was the time to listen, not act. He continued, his features changed suddenly. He looked as though he had aged within that moment. And his eyes looked so foreign to me. No longer did they hold that spark of determination, but instead they were hollow, and so defeated with guilt it was as if I was looking at a stranger. Oh Danse… "The mutant bastards used their FEV to change him into one of their own kind. He wasn't Cutler anymore. I had to…it was my duty to…put him down."

The pain in his voice cut me deep like a white hot blade. His very posture screamed suffering, and his face was so wrought with agony that my heart ached to see him that way. I knew that pain all to well. The pain of losing someone, to be so utterly useless that you couldn't save someone you held dear to you. I knew it was a different kind of love, but the pain of losing them all the same. I didn't know what to say to him. Anything that came to mind didn't feel right. Millions of sentences danced on my tongue yet I said, "You did the right thing." And instantly regretted them. Was it really the right thing? I didn't know. What would I have done if faced with that situation? I don't know…

Danse's tone was sharp, a scowl escaping his features, "It's what I was taught, I don't know if it was right." He spat.

It was silent after that, I didn't know how to respond to that. Here he was questioning his very judgement and battling his own torment and morals. What could you say that would help? I knew nothing anyone could have said would have helped me when I lost Nate. After a moment Danse let out a long breath and rubbed his neck. He looked exhausted, I hadn't noticed the dark purple tinge under his eyes before. Had they always been there? Has he even been sleeping? Concern and worry tickled their way up my spine, but before I could bring the matter up, Danse spoke first, "Ever since Cutler died, I've seen other soldiers come and go. Some were brave, some were honest…hell even downright heroic. But I'd never considered any of them to be a good friend, a friend like Cutler was…until now." He looked me back in the eye and I felt my breath catch in my throat. He gave me a small smile, though his eyes still held that haunted look. "It's a good feeling, but it frightens me all the same. Having a bond with someone, then losing them…it changes you. I don't want to go through that again."

I knew how that felt. After Nate…I well, I had gotten so I used to having him around that I would look behind me expecting to see him, but no. It was a horrible feeling losing someone close to you. I didn't want to go through that again either, but that was life. You make friends and they always have the possibility of leaving or dying. You just had to take those chances because it would be worse if you were alone.

I was stunned by his words, shocked. I never thought he would confess something like that to me. It both flattered me and warmed my heart, yet gave me a feeling of such guilt that it ruined whatever jovial feeling it gave me. Here he was being honest with me yet I couldn't do the same? He was watching me now, with such anxious eyes, wondering if he said something wrong. Honesty, I breathed. "It would never be that way with me…I care about you too much to let that happen." It was what I felt, and I didn't want to hide that from him. I knew I could never act on my feelings for him, but that didn't mean I couldn't tell him I didn't want to lose him. I had hoped he'd be able to find comfort with those words. That and I needed him to know I wasn't going anywhere this time, I wouldn't run like a coward.

He stared at me, his eyes wide as saucers. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but whatever he had planned to say, the words had died in his throat. His neck flushed and he cleared his throat a couple of times before he said, "I…I didn't know you felt that strongly about our…well about us. I'm sorry if I seem…confused. You've certainly given me something to think about."

You and me both. I had wanted to say, but against better judgement I held it back. "I just thought you deserved to know how I felt." He eventually said. "If you feel that I've overstepped my bounds, than I completely understand. Whatever the case maybe, I appreciate the fact that you took the time to listen."

A genuine smile broke out on my lips, "Your fine Danse. More than fine." I said shaking my head, I drew closer which caught him off guard. I wasn't surprised that he tensed when I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad you told me. And well, I feel honored that you think that way about me."

Once again he seemed for a lost for words. So to spare him further embarrassment I let go of his shoulder, my hand dropping down to my side. "I was actually hoping to confess something as well."

His expression slackened an inch, though he still looked flushed, "Oh and what's that Gilmore?"

I gave him a groan and rolled my eyes, "First things first, if were such good friends, just call me Emery."

He shook his head dismissively, "Negative, that would be inappropriate-"

"Okay," I said cutting him off, "How about you only call me by my first name whenever if its just the two of us. Any other time you can stick to code, how about that compromise?"

"I-" He started but then closed his mouth, "Deal."

I smiled. "Good, now back to business. "I said as I leaned against the wall. "I wanted to stop over to Diamond City real quick, you see my friend, the one who helped me track down and kill Kellogg. He was concerned about my well being before I left. I wanted to check in with him. That and see if he's gotten any leeway with the case." I opted out of telling Danse about what Nick was. After our tender moment, I didn't want an argument to spoil it. "Would it be alright if I just popped over there?"

Danse raised an eyebrow, "You're asking this time." Oh a shot at me, well deserved but still a shot none the less.

"Okay, I already apologized for just up and leaving like that, could we please drop?" I asked with a mocked begging tone.

He smirked and crossed his arms over his metal chest plate, "Negative." Smug bastard, "But you can go."

"Really?" I thought there'd be more kicking and screaming involved.

"On one condition."

I instantly flattened, him and his conditions. Was it ever gonna be easy with him, "What?" I said plainly.

"I'm coming with you." He said with a certain level of satisfaction in his voice.

No, he couldn't come. I initially thought. He'd see Nick and would shoot him on sight, no questions asked. But if I told him no, than not only would he get suspicious, but I'd be throwing everything he said to me back in his face.

God dammit.

"Why?" I asked.

He gave me a confused look then shook it off, "Because, you're still injured, and it would be unwise for you to travel all the way to Diamond City without someone watching your back." He said, "That and I would like to thank your 'friend' for making sure you came back in one piece."

I didn't like the way he said friend. It was as if he was insinuating something. Did he suspec

That and the idea of him thanking Nick made me want to laugh my guts out. Hell would freeze over if Danse ever said those words to him. Granted Danse didn't know Nick was a synth, but maybe-and I'm going out on a far far limb here-maybe just maybe he wouldn't shoot nick on sight.

And if he tried, than well, I wouldn't let him.

"Alright, let's go."