Third Arc: I

We trained the next day. No watch, no guard duty, we weren't even training near "Home," Sakura moaned as Konoha's gates finally loomed above us.

"I'm going to eat twelve bowls of Ichiraku's," Naruto said in fervent agreement.

"And sleep in a real bed. For a week."

"What was wrong with the beds we had?" I asked, confused. They'd seemed normal to me - if anything, they were comfier than the futon waiting for me in my kitchen-home. Though maybe that was from putting our sleeping rolls out on top of them, I could always try that.

"They weren't beds, bastard. They were big cushions on the floor."

"That's what futons are though?"

"Yeah, but you only use futons for guests," Sakura said, stretching lazily. "And guests don't usually stay for a month. Only old people sleep on futons all the time."

I opened my mouth to deny it, then closed it again with a frown. Now that I thought about it, there were actual beds in the other bedrooms. I'd even slept on one when I was little, before Itachi turned the rest of the house into a place of death that I didn't use. It was entirely possible that my futon was, in fact, a guest futon. "Oh."

Pakkun trotted up to give me a sympathetic pat on the foot. "I like cushions on the floor," he said. "You're fine."

"... Thanks Pakkun."

"I am a dog though. I'm a lot hardier than you two-legged types."

"Thanks Pakkun."

"Hey, where do you sleep?" Naruto asked him, gesturing at the rest of the pack. "Does Kakashi-sensei have, like, a whole room of dog beds for you?"

Guruko gave a short yip that I assumed was meant to be laughter, and Kakashi shot him - and Uhei, who was also sporting a tongue-lolling grin - a quelling look. I immediately pictured all eight dogs piling on top of him and stealing his blanket. "They sleep in the spirit realm, actually," he said. "Almost all summons do."

"You're summons?" Naruto asked. "I thought summons were - ow, Sakura-chan."

"Does this mean you won't be staying when we get back to the village?" she asked, completely ignoring Naruto. Probably wise; none of the dogs seemed the sort to get offended easily, but nobody liked being told they weren't cool enough to be a summons. Or whatever adjective Naruto had been going for. Big, maybe? Konoha had a bad habit of romanticising summons because of the sannin, but in truth most of them were small and rarely used in battle. Eight individual dogs anchored to the physical realm for as long as the pack had been summoned for was damn impressive, particularly when you considered how large they were and how much chakra it must take to keep them all sustained. They might not tower over buildings, sure, but they were a far cry from tadpoles and finger-length baby slugs.

When you put it like that it was something of a surprise Kakashi hadn't dismissed any of them after the fight on the bridge. Was it just easier to have the whole pack rather than one or two, or had Kakashi been that shaken that he needed the extra support? He'd basically run the mission by himself after he'd relegated us to training. Not that there'd been any more fights, but. Still.

"We have our own home," Pakkun was explaining to Sakura when I tuned back in, and despite myself I felt a twinge of sadness. I'd got used to having Bull around. The others too, but Bull was the one who usually stuck closest, and he was comfy to lean against. "We'll be around though. It's not good for puppies to grow up too far from the pack, they go wonky."

"Saa, so harsh to my cute little students," Kakashi said. "As if I'd ever let that happen to them."

"You were wonky when you were a puppy -"

"And here we are! Back at Konoha, how delightful, say goodbye to the dogs kids they're going home." And with an obviously fake eye smile and a casual hand gesture that barely counted as a seal, he dismissed the entire pack in one go.

"Kakashi-dick-sensei!" Naruto complained. One of the chunin on duty disguised his reaction as a sudden cough, and Sakura glared at me.

Rude. Maybe Naruto learnt his bad language by himself, did she ever think of that. He could've read it in a book. The back of a ramen packet, even.

We showed our IDs and passed through the usual security checks, but Kakashi stopped us before we could start aiming for the Hokage tower.

"Hospital first, kidlingtons. You need a checkup before you can do anything else."

"We're not hurt though," I pointed out, wrinkling my nose. I hadn't been back to the hospital since waking up there after the massacre, and I wasn't keen on breaking my streak.

"Standard procedure," he chirped. "Shoo."

The three of us looked at each other. Sakura nodded imperceptibly and put on her best polite little girl smile. "But sensei, don't you need a checkup as well? Your health is important!"

"Maa," he waved her off. "I went before we left. Debriefing in an hour, see you at the Hokage's office. Bye!" And, in an over-the-top swirl of shunshin leaves, he was gone.

"Naruto?" Sakura asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He squinted. "He got most of them, but I think I've still got a clone in his book."

It took me a second to work out which book he meant, but really, there was only one Kakashi carried around. "You hide clones in his porn?"

"It's a boring page! Nothing happens on it, he never checks that page!"

"How would you know nothing happens?" I asked. "You've never read it."

Both Naruto and Sakura blushed, looking at each other then studiously at the ground. I blinked. I mean, porn was fine if it was written respectfully and exploring sexuality was healthy and all that, but. Twelve. "Hospital," I said, in a strangled voice. "We should go. Get checked out. Up. Have a checkup."

"See," Naruto said, hurrying to walk beside me, "This is why we didn't include you when we stole it. You're all innocent."

I missed a step and nearly stumbled and Sakura flapped a hand at me, her face now so red it clashed with both her dress and her hair at the same time. "Not that that's a bad thing, Sasuke-kun! You're really cute! Ah, that is, it's sweet that you get embarrassed -"

"You're the ones blushing!"

"Bastard, your ears are bright red."

"Lie."

.

Interlude: Kakashi and the Sandaime

"Yo. Sorry for being late, I had to fight a guy with a sword and save a puppy from a bad man."

"... That better not be your full mission report, Kakashi. Where are your team?"

"Around. Which mind healer did Sasuke see after watching his brother kill his clan?"

A pause.

"While I'm glad to see you taking an interest in your team, that is a rather alarming request to receive without context. Did -"

"No reason. Just curious. His hospital records only mentioned a four day period of unconsciousness and a general flag for survivor's guilt."

"... Do I take it then you disagree with their analysis? Young Sasuke-kun didn't actually witness any of the murders; his brother knocked him out immediately after he entered the compound. He was retrieved by ANBU and placed under guard before he could be harmed."

"So none. No mind healer."

"Kakashi. What are these questions in aid of?"

Another pause, tenser and heavier than before. One side thinks, but doesn't say: His brother was loyal, he was never at risk. The other side thinks, but doesn't say: His brother traumatised him, he's a danger to himself.

When the pause breaks, it's flippant. "Paperwork."

"Paperwork."

"Mm. Can't find the ones for Naruto getting his shots. Wondered what else was missing."

"Kakashi."

"Ah, if you didn't like my mission report, I'd best get my team and submit a proper one."

"If you have reason to believe that one of my ninja is compromised -"

"With all due respect, Hokage-sama, you had him for five years. I'll schedule the debrief on my way out."

.

Turns out, Kakashi was telling the truth; it was standard (if frequently neglected) procedure for a med-nin to check any injuries sustained on a mission, even if all they did was ask enough questions to make sure the correct field treatments were applied and then run a glowing hand over the wound to make sure it'd healed right.

"What would you do if it hadn't?" I asked, standing stock still and staring ahead as the nurse held her palm by the faint scar over my ribcage.

"It depends how bad it is," she said. "Sometimes we can fix it, sometimes we need to rebreak things and start again. But don't worry, Uchiha-kun, you're all good." She stepped away and I let my shirt fall gratefully, trying not to let my discomfort show. I don't think I was too successful - she gave me an amused smile that said she knew exactly how most shinobi felt about the hospital, and I huffed and slunk back to where Naruto and Sakura were waiting at the edge of the room.

"That's you two all done then," the nurse continued. "Haruno-chan, remember to keep an eye on how much chakra enhancement you use, but other than that you both seem in good health." She started tidying up, nodding at us in clear dismissal, and Sakura frowned in confusion.

"Ah, Nurse-san, Naruto took a lot of senbon wounds…?"

"He'll be fine," she answered, grabbing what looked like a random clipboard and angling for a door at the back of the room. "He's hard to get rid of." She smiled at us again, and closed the door behind her as she left.

I was completely blind-sided. I'd forgotten how Naruto was treated. A month out of Konoha had spoiled me, apparently, and the return to reality was unpleasantly stark. What if he'd been hurt? What if the senbon had been laced with a slow acting poison? What if he was dying and she was being an accessory to murder because of her stupid prejudices and her tiny fucking worm brain.

"I'm going to get her fired," I said, glaring at the door.

"Bastard, no."

"Bastard yes," I hissed. I wasn't sure how - a nurse was a more difficult target than a sushi-chef - but I knew what she looked like and I was good at stealth, it would be easy enough to get her name and go from there.

"No," Naruto insisted. I shifted my glare to him, but instead of looking angry like he should he just seemed sad. "It's not her fault," he said.

"She just refused you medical treatment," Sakura cut in. He shrugged, like that was nothing, like it was normal, and I dug my fingers into my fists to stop myself reaching for a shuriken. Or a kunai, I wasn't fussy. The hospital was full of potential weapons. Chairs, for instance.

"Healing factor, remember? C'mon, we need to go to the Hokage tower."

He started walking and we followed him to avoid being left behind, but Sakura was still frowning. "We don't know how your healing works," she protested. "And what about checking it healed right, she even said that was important. If you heal something wrong you could end up in permanent pain."

I made a distressed noise and spun on my heel to go back to the room. Naruto caught me with an arm around my chest and used his bigger frame to drag me down the corridor.

"Look, I'm fine, ok?" he said. "It's not great but I know why it happens and I'm working on it. It'll be better."

"When you're Hokage?" I asked, pulling myself out of his grip with a huff. "That's bullshit, you deserve better than to have to wait -"

"Sasuke." He jostled his shoulder against mine and smiled, soft and pleased and fond, and my anger died in my mouth. "Thank you. But we really do need to go, we'll be late for the debriefing."

"... Hn." I'd let it go. For now. Because he wanted me to, and because it seemed rude to upset a smile like that. I caught Sakura's eye instead then paused questioningly at the way her gaze was darting between us. "What?"

"Nothing," she said, looking away. "Just a thought. Sorry." She cleared her throat, then focussed back on Naruto. "Is it to do with what happened in Wave? The jutsu you used when were fighting Haku, the one you said was cursed."

Sometimes it was easy to forget how smart Sakura was because she spent most of her time in fights punching things really hard until they broke, but then she casually connected the village's bad treatment of Naruto to chakra she saw him use literally once and you remember that she's actually terrifying.

Naruto stiffened. "Yeah," he said. "It's… not quite a jutsu, um, I…"

"It's ok," Sakura said, smiling and projecting a deliberately casual aura. "You don't have to tell us. Whenever you're ready."

"... Yeah," he said, smiling back, and some of the tenseness fell out both their shoulders. They lapsed into a skin-crawling awkward post-feelings silence and I cast around desperately for a way to break it before it suffocated someone.

"Still going to fight people who insult you."

"No."

.

"... And following that, we didn't make contact with either of the enemy ninja again. There were no further disruptions to Tazuna-san's work until Gato was murdered and some of his thugs attempted to cause problems for the village, but they were driven off without our intervention."

As far as verbal reports went, Sakura's was as good as a genin could be expected to give. It didn't make it any less weird to hear it all laid out; bland, dry, even boring. She'd skipped over the more personal areas - thankfully - and though I wasn't too sure what the guidelines were for what did or didn't need to be included in a report, I'm pretty sure she covered everything.

Naruto's use of the kyuubi, my issues with drowning, Sakura being put on the spot as team leader and asked to decide if I'd be allowed to stay - these were private things. Team Seven only. Hokage or not, the Sandaime wasn't on the list of people who were allowed to know.

… Potentially the kyuubi could maybe have counted as a matter of national interest, but if Naruto wasn't volunteering to share then we were going to respect his wishes and keep spoilers to a minimum because he was our teammate and we were bros like that.

Kakashi clearly agreed, because he didn't make any move to correct Sakura's report. He did lift an eyebrow in my direction though, holding it there until I stepped forward and admitted, "I came across Haku in the forest the night before Gato was found dead. He confirmed that Gato wasn't paying them and that they'd be leaving, but didn't say anything other than that."

"Interesting," the Sandaime said. "And do you know why he sought you out in particular, Sasuke?"

My first response was to say that it was chance that I happened to be the one out that night, but seeing as ninja rarely believed in coincidences I held that back. If I were looking underneath the underneath, the obvious answer would be that I saved his life and he saved mine - though, those were among the details we hadn't shared. If mission reports covered blow by blow accounts of battles, they'd be… how long was that chapter? Five thousand words? Six? Longer than a mission report would ever want to be.

But though I could explain the life saving - Haku saved me because he was soft and I saved him because I was an idiot - that wasn't enough reason for him to say goodbye. Unless… it was? Not everything had to be four layers deep in backstabbing and conspiracy. "I think he was lonely," I said slowly. "He wasn't much older than us, and he told Naruto some of his history. It's possible that he saw us as being in similar positions and was trying to make a connection based off of that."

"Hm," the Hokage said. "You may be right. It's telling though that he attempted to connect with you two and not with Sakura. I'm not fond of the idea of people poaching my genin." There was an odd emphasis on the way he said that, combined with an eyebrow raised at Kakashi that made me wonder if I was missing something. Kakashi didn't react though, and it was probably something from his past so I let it go to focus on the real problem.

Namely: that the Sandaime thought Haku's entire personality was a lie to lure me and Naruto away from Konoha. Ludicrous. The Hokage admittedly had never met Haku, but I had, and I was offended on his behalf.

"Haku's not like that, old man Hokage!" Naruto protested, because clearly he was the only other sensible person in the room.

"Plus you're implying Sakura's weak," I added. "Which she isn't. Haku saw her fight, he'd know that." The so would you if you paid attention you moron I left unsaid, because he was the head of a violent and brutal military dictatorship, but I didn't leave it unsaid very much because he was wrong and he needed to know it.

"I apologise, Sakura-chan, I didn't mean to imply otherwise," he said, in what I personally thought of as a gratingly unapologetic tone. "Merely that orphaned members of clans known to have powerful kekkei genkei are statistically more likely to be recruitment targets. Whether it was the case here or not, it's something you three should be aware of, hm?"

"Well, it's dumb," Naruto said with his trademark bluntness and crossed his arms for better pouting. "Neither the bastard or I are going anywhere. We're Konoha."

I raised my chin in agreement and very carefully didn't think about my brother. Or canon-Sasuke. Or the less than fanatically loyal thoughts I had towards the Sandaime for allowing the village to treat Naruto the way it did. And the way he encouraged a system that put clan kids so far above civilians it was a miracle Sakura had made it as far as she had. The way he'd had my entire family murdered and used my brother to do it. The way -

I didn't think, ok. Carefully. These are not the traitorous thoughts you are looking for. Move on.

"I'm glad to hear it," the Sandaime said with a grandfatherly smile. "And I'm glad to hear that the three of you represented Konoha so well. A mission like that… I should say it's A-rank, wouldn't you?" He reached for an official looking seal and stamped it over one of the forms Sakura had filled out under Kakashi's somewhat helpful direction, then handed it over to her. "Congratulations, Team Seven. An impressive start to your careers."

Still carefully non-treasonous, I followed the other two into a bow and then out the room. Naruto, I noted sourly, was back to bouncing with excitement, his annoyance completely mollified by the Hokage's praise. It wasn't his fault. The Hokage was one of the few people he'd been allowed to interact with before Team Seven happened, he could be forgiven for not holding a grudge.

I, on the other hand, held grudges like a champ. Whatever reason Naruto had for being sad and accepting of the village's treatment of him instead of yelling in outrage - though, he'd been angry in Wave, hadn't he? When he'd been trying to prove to Haku that people weren't tools and you couldn't discard them. I'd been too busy to pay it much mind at the time, but… That came from years of neglect. One conversation and discovering a nindo didn't change it.

Not that it should be changed. Konoha's treatment of its jinchuuriki was stupid even before you considered that Naruto of all people deserved so much more. If anything, Naruto should more pissed off, not less, and if he was struggling then I was happy to be angry for him.

"It pays how much?" Sakura squeaked, interrupting my thoughts. She took the packet the woman on the missions desk was offering her with numb, almost shaking hands.

"A-rank, four man team, month duration…" The kunoichi grinned, clearly amused by Sakura's reaction. "Yup, that's the amount. I mean, if you don't want it then there're these nunchaku I've been eying up, we could make a deal?"

"Thank you for the offer," Sakura answered on autopilot politeness, cradling the mission pay against her chest. "We, um. Need to go and rescue a cat. From. It's stuck in a tree. Sorry."

She bowed and started quick-marching away, and I heard the kunoichi bark out a laugh behind us. "Hatake, your weirdness is contagious!"

"I'm so proud of my adorable little monkeys," Kakashi said, pretending to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. "All grown up. So cute." He held the pose for a second to draw out the moment while Naruto pulled a face at him, then clapped his hands together to catch our attention. "Downtime tomorrow. No training, no missions. Sasuke, get a jacket so you don't have to keep stealing Naruto's. Everyone else, replenish supplies, have a nap, whatever takes your fancy. Normal start time the day after that, don't be late!"

He gave us a jaunty wave and poofed out in a cloud of bunshin smoke. I wondered idly when he'd switched; was it rude to send a clone to talk to the Hokage instead of appearing in person? Wait. If that had been a clone, what had the original Kakashi been doing? He didn't spam clones needlessly like Naruto did.

"Hey, Naruto. What did your porn book clone overhear?"

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "It hasn't dispelled yet, sorry. It usually takes a few days."

Well, that was an annoyance. "Can't you dispel them on purpose?"

"If they're people shaped I can, but the henged ones are trickier. I think so? I haven't worked out how though."

Was it lazy to want the combination of the unending clone army and the god-modded henge to fix all my problems? Probably. Wasn't going to stop me doing it though.

We paused outside the tower, waiting for Sakura to pick a direction. She stood in the doorway and stared unseeingly at the village before us.

I shifted my pack on my shoulders.

"Um," Naruto said eventually, sharing an unsure look with me. "Sakura-chan?"

"We got paid," she whispered.

"Yes? We did a mission. Even if half of it was just training."

She shook her head. "We got paid," she repeated, clearly not satisfied that we'd understood.

I rolled my eyes, and turned her in the vague direction of where I thought she lived. "Home," I instructed, giving her a push. "Showers make everything better. You can deal with the money later."

"At Ichiraku's!" Naruto called after her as she shambled unsteadily away from us. "At seven. It's our team thing, believe it!"

"Paid," she mumbled in what I guessed to be agreement. I watched just enough to check she wasn't aimed at a wall, then took my own advice and started home. For a shower.

With no one else waiting for the hot water.

.

I didn't sleep that night. Ichiraku's was comfortably relaxed in a way it felt like we hadn't been in a long time, and listening to Naruto retell the highlights of the mission was… nice. Cathartic, almost. Sakura's mission report had been as dry and stark as any formal report should be, and though I didn't have anyone to tell the story to, the one that ran through my head focussed heavily on all the parts I'd screwed up and how I could have handled things better.

Naruto's version of events though sounded like an adventure. We defeated the demon brothers, discovered there was a greater evil afoot than merely bandits on the road, and swore unflinchingly to help good triumph over it. We faced down an enemy much stronger than ourselves by using our teamwork and wiley cunning, and we learnt powerful techniques to be even stronger when it came to the rematch. We discovered that our so-called enemies were being manipulated into fighting against us and saved them from Gato's betrayal, and in turn they rose up against their master and freed the village from his iron grip. People celebrated. We left waves as heroes. There were dogs. It was really cool.

And yeah, maybe it was. In a heavily edited retelling with Teuchi and Ayame gasping and cheering at appropriate points, it was really cool. I shouldn't let go of the things I did wrong or the many ways I needed to improve, but maybe… I didn't have to forget the other stuff?

Heavy thoughts when you're full of ramen and it's finally late enough in spring that the evenings are warm again, but like I said, cathartic. Sakura's hair was loose in her old style, I was in my yukata (I'd spent a month in only work clothes or pyjamas, the yukata by itself was enough of a luxury to make the world a better place) and Naruto was five bowls down and still going strong, making sure that Teuchi knew that Wave's cuisine was primarily rice and fish centric and that they were in desperate need of someone importing some noodles and showing them how to make real food.

Walking home after, I was relaxed. My share of the mission pay was in an envelope in my pocket, I was idly working out how many shuriken it would buy me (a lot - A-ranks paid well), and Plushie-tan was waiting on my rolled up futon when I pushed open the kitchen door.

"Hey," I greeted him, taking him off the futon to lay it out and putting him down with his face turned to the wall. "Pyjama time. Did you know Naruto calls them jimjams?" I shrugged out of my yukata and threw my balled up socks vaguely near the washing pile. "Jimjams, Plushie-tan. He has these proper old fashioned button-up pyjamas and a walrus sleeping cap. Does he even know what a walrus is? Maybe it's not a walrus. Maybe it's a really weird frog." The neatly folded stack of clothes I was looking through contained, shockingly, only my normal outfits and I pushed them aside with a dissatisfied sound. "Why are all my clothes black," I pouted. "I'm in a good mood. I want good mood pyjamas. Maybe I'll spend my mission pay on pink things with blue ribbons, see what Itachi says to that."

I paused. I'd said it as a joke, but…

Why were my pyjamas black? There were about the only things I had that weren't Itachi's castoffs. I'd bought them, new, and chosen them to be black because everything I wore was black. Because Itachi wore black.

I pulled out a random pair of soft pants and a loose sleeveless top and tugged them on, vaguely unsettled by the logic but not quite sure where I'd gone wrong. Or if I'd gone wrong. "You can look now," I told Plushie-tan absently, turning him back around and shifting him down to my pillow. "Naruto's jimjams are blue. Really pale blue. You'd think they'd be orange but they're not."

I wasn't sure why I felt the need to share that, but talking to Plushie-tan had always helped me work things out before. Not that there was anything to work out. They were just pyjamas.

I said goodnight, lay in bed with the cover pulled over me and the light off, and I didn't sleep that night.

.

It was still bothering me the next day. We had a day off, no missions, no training, and I didn't have any civilian clothes. The yukata felt like too much of an evening thing, I didn't want to wear it during the day. That left me with black. And grey, for the shirt, but everything else - including my socks, the fabric of my headband, my sandals - all black. All Itachi's. Except the socks and the headband.

"Stop being so pathetic," I told myself, turning the tap to cold and washing my face more vigorously than it needed. "They're just clothes. Itachi's things are practical, it doesn't mean anything. If you want other colours get other colours. No one cares."

I didn't care. Nor did Plushie-tan, who gave his usual taciturn approval when I asked him. "In fact," I told him around a mouthful of apple, "You know how much I don't care? I'm going to clear out the other rooms. It's stupid to only live in the kitchen. If Naruto and Sakura get to sleep on real beds then I should get to sleep on a real bed, screw the futon."

I had a couple of hours before we were meant to meet at the weapon shop, and unless Naruto had any plans, the whole of the afternoon free as well. Sakura wanted to do some things with her family after being away for a month, and as apologetic as she'd been neither of us had begrudged her the time. I had some work to do in the garden - I was aiming for rustically unpruned, yes, but it was rocking a bit too much of an overgrown wilds theme at the moment and I was looking forward to sorting it out. Other than that, I needed to restock the kitchen (I'd only picked up a couple of basic things on my way home yesterday), top up supplies, and get the jacket Kakashi had instructed me to. Probably have team lunch somewhere. Plenty of time to clear out the house, and, because I deserved it, I could even splash out on a shiny new outfit and get rid of the damn black.

It was a faultless plan. I nodded to myself decisively and approached the main part of the house with a positive mindset. Productive, forward looking, good for the soul; I'd matured and developed as a character, and the barrier of the house was nothing to the new and improved me.

I slid the door open. Optimism radiated off me in palpable waves. It was going to be easy. I literally couldn't fuck this up. What could go wrong? All I had to do was lift my foot and take one step into the room. Simple.

I allowed myself a moment of hesitation, then grit my teeth and shook myself out of it. There was nothing to hesitate for. I didn't even have to flick the light on; it was day, the sun was shining in through the windows. I could see it glinting off the dust motes. There was a lot of dust. I could see - My fingers dug into my thigh and the shoji screen doors cast patterned shadows on the empty floor where the tatami mats used to be and apparently I was a piece of fucking garbage because I couldn't take - it was one pissing step - I wasn't seven years old, I'd never been seven years old in this world and if canon-Sasuke could live in his house then fucking so could I -

I leaned back against the kitchen wall and gasped for breath, holding my chest as though I'd been drowning again.

"Fuckdamnit," I swore. "Stupid. Stupid. Fuck."

See, Kakashi. I was under zero illusions about my invincibility. I might be a piece of shit but at least my eyes were wide open. I didn't even need the sharingan to see the truth. Which was lucky, because I didn't have it. Add it to the tally. Ten more things Uchiha Sasuke's imposter fucked up for him: number eight will shock you.

"Oh my god, shut up," I hissed. "Get over it. If you can't get over it, move past it. Go feed the fish or something. Clean out the fountain. Something."

I gave myself another minute, waiting for my heart to stop racing and my breathing to even out. The fish food lived in a jar on the windowsill, and though I'd rigged a mechanism out of wire and timer-seals to feed the koi while I was gone it had probably run out by now. Not that I liked the fish. I didn't. Starving them seemed a bit harsh though when they didn't ask for anything else from me.

"Maybe you should," I told them, scowling as they crowded up to the surface in search of pellets. "You don't do anything. You just sit here all day in this stupid pond trusting me to keep you alive, how the fuck are you meant to cope if you won't look after yourself?"

They didn't answer, just flashed their fins at the surface and mouthed hopefully for more. If I'd actually gone ahead and died would anyone have taken over feeding them? Most were inherited with my parents' pond, but three I'd found in one of the abandoned gardens and carried here in a bucket.

"Maybe you should ask for more," I repeated, quieter. There were a lot of abandoned gardens in the Uchiha district. Maybe more abandoned fish once, though probably not any more.

"Tazuna had these rock stacks in his pond in Wave," I continued, trying to shift my focus. "I could build you a rock garden. Maybe we could move house and your new pond can have a massive rock waterfall in it. With littler waterfalls on top. And… a honeysuckle. All spilling over with flowers and smelling nice."

It wasn't going to happen, I knew. I was Uchiha - the Uchiha district was my home. It'd always been my home. Abandoned gardens and all. I just… needed to sort some things out, that was all.

"I like honeysuckles," I said, still in the same quiet tone.

Gardens weren't meant to be colourful, not like they were back in my old life. Here, they were meant to be beautiful, a calm oasis recreating the untamable harmony of nature. I had… what, three flowering plants? And the red maple tree. Old, established, inherited, carefully placed to be quiet and peaceful and delicately highlight the overwhelming green.

I chewed my lip, considering the fish. "It's my garden," I told them, hesitantly. I'd never been scared of the garden the way I'd been scared of the house.

They swam in drifting patterns, mouthing at the fingers I trailed in the water. I'd never paid them much attention before - fish, pond, wet - but they were pretty. Bright. No pink, but a lot of orange, thrown in messy splotches over patches of white and red.

"I know," I said, pushing at the water with my chakra to make tiny waves. I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to, but I'd missed talking to things and the fish made good listeners. "Look, I have another hand. All the fingers. Do you want to see a trick? Here, watch."

I spent the next hour flattening my chakra into a scoop and picking up handfuls of water with it, dribbling them back down over the surface of the pond like a patchy, mediative rain. It wasn't useful, but it helped, even when the fish learnt the water was just water and stopped trying to chase the ripples.

I was still quiet when I left them and finally made it to the weapon's shop. Not a sad quiet. A quiet quiet. The world was big, I'd seen a lot of it, I wanted to buy an unreasonable quantity of shuriken and make approving noises when Sakura asked if the reinforced elbow-length gloves she'd picked out looked good on her.

"You ok?" she asked when we stopped for lunch, bentos spread out on the grass as we sat under a tree. "You seem down."

"I'm fine," I said, pressing the riceball I'd been absentmindedly tearing apart back together again. "Just didn't sleep well, that's all."

"Me neither," Naruto complained. "It doesn't feel right without someone on watch."

Sakura nodded. "The room feels too big," she said. "I think I got used to sharing."

"We should do it again!" Both Sakura and I looked at Naruto askance, but he grinned and leaned forward. "I mean, sleepovers, right? Who says it's only for missions? It'll be fun!"

"I'm not doing night watch again," I said. On missions, fine. At home, piss off.

"Sleepover, bastard, not stakeout."

"I don't know, I'm not sure my parents would approve," Sakura said. She made a face. "I don't think they were expecting me to be gone so long, it was a bit of a shock for them. Plus, you're both boys, so. They'd find it odd."

Naruto scrunched his nose, not sure how he was allowed to respond to that. It clearly wasn't odd to Sakura - she had been sharing a room with us for the past month - but at the same time, they were parents. I think he put family on the same kind of mythical pedestal as he put the Hokage on.

Which reminded me, I'd told him I'd find him the team photo of my mum and his mum. Or, well, my mum and Kushina, I don't think I'd ever actually said she was his mum. It'd been just before we went to Wave though, I'd completely forgotten to look.

"Oh," Naruto settled for saying. "The bastard and I can have a sleepover though, right bastard?"

"Do you want to help me look for the photo?" I asked instead of responding. I blinked, then reran his question through my head. "Sleepover. Sorry. I'm not paying attention today."

"What photo?"

"My mum's team photo, of her and Uzumaki." Was I meant to know her name? I knew Naruto wasn't meant to know of her yet, but I also knew he was desperate for family. It wouldn't be unreasonable for me to know my mum's genin team. "Um, I think she was called Kushina."

Naruto squinted at me for a second, trying to place the reference, and I could practically see the moment the memory clicked. "Yeah," he said, smiling at me. There was something off in the smile but it morphed quickly into his usual excitement and I wasn't able to pin it down. "Yeah! And you can introduce me to your family as well, it'll be great, believe it!"

"I can't believe I'm missing the chance to see where you live, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said. I froze with another riceball halfway to my mouth. What. I hadn't. Shit. This was not well thought through. "We'll have to go round to yours again later. You live in the Uchiha district, right? I always thought they'd have really beautiful houses out there."

I stuffed my mouth full of rice to avoid answering. With how out of it I was I'd probably end up asking them to move in or something equally ridiculous. Shit. My tiny kitchen home was fine, but that didn't mean I wanted people to see it. I didn't even have a family shrine, if that's what Naruto meant by being introduced and was expecting a painting and an incense burner so he could say hello - hell, I couldn't even think when the last time I'd visited their graves was. If I ever had. But Naruto was so happy, I couldn't take the offer back, could I? So sorry, forgot I was a shambolic mess pretending to be a person, would rather keep the mystery alive for a while longer so bugger yourself off please and thank you kindly?

Shit.