"Ah." Nick said with a nod of his own. "Now onto business."

Piper laughed as she drew out a cigarette of her own. Nick leaned over to light it for her. After two quick puffs she said, "So you two finally gonna let me in on this little case of yours?"

"We found the man who kidnapped my-my baby." I said my voice suddenly growing horse. "His name was Kellogg, and he had been working with the Institute…he-he gave them Shaun."

My chest tightened and a burning sensation consumed my lungs. I placed a hand over my heart to try and control the breathing. It didn't help. "He…also said that its been a few years and that-and that Shaun might be older than I think…"

Piper's eyes widened as she brought a hand up to her mouth. "The Institute." She breathed, "Oooh boy…"

A solem silence befell the room, I glanced between Piper and Nick, who both sat there gravely. I let out a sigh and clenched my hands into fist, my nails dug into the palms of my hand. "I have to get in there." I said, my tone set in determination.

Piper glanced up, I could see her eyes swimming with sympathy, "Not even Nick knows how to get in."

Nick had been about to speak when Danse cut in with a scoff. "I doubt that." Danse grumbled folding his arms over his chest. I shot him a look, but he ignored it with a turn of his head.

I looked back to Nick who was giving Danse a glare. He noticed me and drew his attention back to us. "No synth does." He said with a sneer. I had a feeling that it was directed towards Danse, who paid the comment no mind. "Security protocols strip those memories out."

"I'd imagine they'd have to be." I said, "They leave their synths lying everywhere."

Nick chuckled, "Guess they're mothers never taught them how to pick up their toys."

I shifted my weight in the seat and looked back and forth between Piper and Nick, "I need to find a way in." I urged, "It's not like they don't have a way in and out."

"I've been investigating these creeps for over a year now." Piper spat, drawing my focus to her, "They're Commonwealth's boogy man. Feared and hated by all."

Nick nodded his head as he brought his cigarette up to his lips. "True enough."

"Sometimes they snatch people in the middle of the night." Piper said causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. My heart gave a painful lurch at the thought of my baby being anywhere near those monsters. "….but to this day, there's one thing nobody really knows-"

Nick blew a puff of smoke into the air, "Where the Institute actually is, or how to get in."

"Exactly." Piper said as she leaned back in her chair.

I took a breath and looked over my shoulder to Danse, who was perched in front of the door, arms still crossed his chest. I wondered if he even planned on joining in on the conversation, but I guess he might still be too angry. Stubborn oaf. "Danse." I said cautiously. "Do you have any ideas?"

"If the Brotherhood knew how to get in, we wouldn't even be having this conversation." He snapped.

I flinched in response, but before I turned away from him I caught a brief glimpse of regret momentarily cross his face. I bit my lip and tore my gaze away form him. I looked to Piper, who was giving Danse a nasty look. I jumped in before Piper could say something that would set Danse off. He was already furious enough. "But there has to be someone who knows."

She turned back to me, her eyebrows knitted in concentration, "hmm.." She hummed as she took a breath of her cigarette. Then, as if a lightbulb had blinked to life above her head, her face lit up. "They guy who just handed them Shaun."

"Kellogg huh," Nick trailed off, scratching at his metallic chin.

Hope bubbled in my chest, maybe he had a record or accounts of the Insitute, a password or even a map. "He had to have a way in and out."

Nick let out a sigh, "Yeah but we both know he's not exactly available for a chat and coffee." Nick said, snuffing his tobacco out in the ash tray.

I felt a flush of cold slither down my body as my heart thumped painfully against my chest. It hurt to breath, as if tiny needles grew in my throat. I tried to force a smile, but it felt like it came out as a grimaced, "We can talk to him, feel like holding a séance?"

Nick scoffed, "And risk being haunted by more ghosts, I'll pass." He said as he regarded me with a smile. I knew what he was doing. He was joining in with me to joke about the matter. Too bad it wasn't helping…

I suddenly felt an arm slink around my shoulder, I looked up to see Piper who gave me a wide grin. I returned her smile with a smaller one of my own. She then looked back up at nick, "So murderer and kidnapper gets his brains blown out by an avenging parent." She said cynically as her arm dropped from my shoulders. I felt the heat of her arm leave my shoulders and felt the loneliness sink in "-great ending if we didn't still have the biggest mystery in the Commonwealth to solve…."

And I was the reason it was still a mystery.

Even though I was still sitting my knees felt weak and I slumped in the chair. I bent my head down and buried my face in my hands, feeling all the emotions I had tried to hide float to the surface. "And now we cant get anything out of him…"I choked out, "I had been so blinded by anger….i just wanted him dead, now look what I've done."

It was my fault that we'll never get into the Institute, my fault that'll never get Shaun back. Nate had always joked I had been too emotional. He was right, oh god. Tears prickle in my eyes and a sob choke me.

I heard metal boots shuffle behind me, but it was Piper who reached me first. She placed her hand on the small of back and rubbed it. "It's okay, Blue." She said gently.

Danse clearing his throat caused me to look up. I knew my hair was wild and my eyes puffy but I didn't looked at me, his face was set firmly, his eyebrows knitted and a crease on his forehead. I thought he had been about to scold me but when he spoke I was surprised by how calm his voice sounded. "Don't blame yourself solider." He said. Even thought he spoke calmly I could still detect a tone of annoyance in his voice. He was still angry with me. "I doubt any agent of the Institute would talk. Especially a hardened merc like he was."

I gave him a slight nod, he maybe right, but I couldn't see it that way. Even if he wouldn't talk, I still killed probably the only person who knew how to get in.

"Gets his brains blown out…" Nicks mumbling brought me back to the conversation at hand. "His brains. You know, we may not need the man at all."

Piper raised an eyebrow, and I sat up straight in my chair. Even Danse seemed to inch closer. "Your talking crazy here nick." Piper said as she crossed her arms. "Got a fault in the ol'e subroutines?"

I heard Danse snort in disgust next to me as he took a step back. I heard him walk behind me, probably to stand back in front of the door.

Nick gave Piper a look before continuing. "Look, there's a place in Goodneighbor called the memory den." He remarked. "Relive past moments in your mind as clear as the day they happened."

Last time I had visited Goodneighbor, I had been horribly tempted to go in the place, but I had to see the mayor to clear the air after the fiasco with Bobbi no nose. Thankfully Hancock had a very open mind about situations like that.

Nick leaned forward in his chair, "If anyone could get a dead brain to sing it'll be Doctor Amari, the mind behind the memories."

Danse scoffed which received a nasty glare from Nick and a suspicious scowl from Piper. Danse returned both with an a icy stare of his own, "I've heard of the place." Danse sneered, "How would she even get a brain that's been dead for days to function. It's not possible."

Nicks gaze darkened, as his yellow mechanical eyes seemed to pierce right though Danse, who seemed unfazed by the menacing synth.

Nick must really think highly of this Doctor Amari if he was challenging Danse the way he was.

"She'd be able to do it." He threw back lifting his chin up. "She's one of the best, and knows her her stuff."

"I doubt anyone in that filth ridden place knows what they're doing." Danse said sharply. "The place is filled with criminals and junkies."

Sensing the oncoming signs of an argument, I quickly interjected, my gaze lingered on Nick but I still had Danse in my sights. "Whose Doctor Amari?" I asked drawing both of they're focus back to me.

Nick gave me a tilt of his head. I took the gesture as a thank you, obviously he was in no mood to argue with the stubborn hard headed Paladin and neither was I. I knew that when it came down to a fight with words, they'd be easily matched. But that was something I didn't want to witness. "I'll let her give you her life story. "He said. "Now I guess were gonna need a piece of Kellogg's brain. Enough grey matter to bring to Amari and find out if this is gonna work."

Piper made a grunt of disgust as she shook herself, "Jesus Nick, " She hissed, "Gross! Seriously?"

"I know its grisly, but what choice do we have?" Nick said as he took out his pack of cigarettes, he shook it a little before he took the last stick out. "We're got no leads, nothing." He said with a shake of his head. He brought the tobaccos up to his lips and lit it. He turned his gaze back to Piper, "That old merc's brain just might have all the secrets we need to know."

Merc's brain, well I had something, though when I had picked it up I thought maybe I'd be able to bring it to someone to tell me what it was. I thought it could be a chip or tracking beacon. "Actually, " I said hesitantly. This was gross either way. "I think I already have something." I fished the wrapped piece of grey matter from my bag and showed it to Nick, "Kellogg had this, thing attached to his head."

Piper gagged and shot me a look, "Ew, Blue, your worse than Nick." She took a peak, shook herself and inched away from me. "Oh that's just sick."

Danse leaned in to try to examine the piece himself. He turned a raised eyebrow onto me, "Why did you take that?" He eyed me dubiously, and I couldn't help but wonder if everyone thought the same thing.

Suddenly feeling on the spot, my cheeks burned and I covered the chip up with the cloth. "I thought we could get a use of the thing. That and it just popped out at me." I said looking down at my lap. "I mean it's not every day a person has a chip in their brain…"

Nick moved and uncovered the chip, he have it a quick look over before his gaze flickered to my face. "Cybernetics huh." He then grinned, "We may have just wont the lottery."

"Put that away Blue, before I puke." Piper said with a shake of her head. She was starling to look a little green around the eyes. She could shoot ferals point blank yet a little piece of brain matter made her squeamish. I shrugged my shoulders and wrapped the piece up, tucking it away in my bag gently. "Good, now we all can't head to Goodneighbor, I think I'll head back to Sanctuary and give Preston a heads up. You know how he likes to stay in the loop."

"You sure it's not for other reasons?" I grinned.

Pipers cheeks flushed and she gave me a stony expression, "No." She said flatly.

I had introduced Piper and Preston a few months ago, they seemed to have hit it off nicely, in fact better than that. I could tell just by watching Piper, she had developed a small crush on the colonel of the Minutemen, and Preston, the oblivious, naïve, gentlemen that he was, couldn't see it. "Sure, " I Said as I rose from my chair.

"I have to head to Goodneighbor either way." Nick said as he snuffed out his cigarette. "I need to introduce you to Amari."

I gave a cautious look over my shoulder towards Danse. "Why don't I meet you there Nick." I said hesitantly. I need to talk with Danse. We had a lot of things to discuss and having Nick around wouldn't be the best idea.

Nick tilted his hat, "I'll see ya there, Kid," He threw a glance at Danse then back towards Piper and I. "Stay safe out there you two. Don't let me hear you gotten yourselves into trouble."

Piper made a noise of hurt, "Me? Nah never." She smiled, "I'll catch ya later Blue, and uh, you too tin can."

Danse fixed a glare on Piper but remained silent.

"I'll see ya later Piper." I said, "Come on Danse."

Again I received the cold shoulder as we left the detective agency.

The sky was overcast, yet no rain leaked from the clouds as we walked briskly through the market. Vendors were closing up for the night as a few last minute patrons scrambled around. Danse wasn't looking around this time, instead his gaze was firmly locked ahead of him. His expression eerily unreadable.

As we passed by Arturo's stand, I could feel the lump in my throat grow. I couldn't ignore the rapid pounding of my heart, nor the violent twist my insides were making. I was on edge both with worry about Danse and after our discussion of the Institute. The mere thought of my baby being in the hands of those monsters was enough to send my emotions into a spiral. Increasingly anxious, I pushed open the door to home plate and flicked on the lights. A strained silence befell the room, only the hum of the lights filled my ears. Danse walked past me to the couch to gather what items he had left here earlier. I watched him feeling my nervous jitter.

Would he join me to Goodneighbor.? Or would he go back to the Prydwen and inform Maxon of my associations with a synth?

I had to find out where I stood with him before my anxiety consumed me, "Danse-"

"Don't." He said bluntly his back still facing me. "I am coming with you to Goodneighbor, but after that we are both returning to the Prydwen."

I felt the color drain from my cheeks, he was shutting me out. "But Danse, pleas-"

"I don't want to hear it, Knight!" He cut me off harshly. The tone of his voice felt like a sucker punch to the gut and I was left gaping at him. "Your actions today were down right insubordinate. Protecting the enemy of the Brotherhood and even associating with it. Have you lost your senses? Have I taught you nothing?"

His anger was like an ice storm. Piercing and cold. I felt the desire to back away and hide creep in. "He is my friend Danse," I said gently. I had to remain calm, I knew I had a tendency to say the wrong thing when I was angry and that would do us no good. "He hasn't given me any reason to distrust him."

"Yet." He said coldly. "He is a synth, Gilmore. That abomination isn't human, it can't feel like one. It was programmed to think the way it does, to make it seem more human!"

"You don't know that-"

"Don't I?" He challenged. "I think I know a great deal more about synths than you do!"

"But you don't know Nick!" I threw back, I could slowly feel my own anger coming to a head. Remain calm, I tried to think, but my anger was getting the better of me, "And clearly you don't

care that he had saved my life, otherwise you would have taken that into account." I stiffened my spine, raised my chin and waited.

He narrowed his eyes, "Enough." Danse said, a vein on the side of his forehand bulged. The skin around his eyes looked sharp and rigid. "I don't want to hear any more about it Knight." He said as he brought a hand up to his forehead. "Clearly I have taught you nothing of the dangers of synths and what they can do. When we get back to the Prydwen I will inform Maxon and-"

I felt my blood run cold and a shiver went down my spine, "Danse please you cant." I croaked out, my voice suddenly weak, "Maxon would kill him. Please he hasn't done anything wrong! You cant kill him just because he is a synth!"

This couldn't be happening. Please don't make me chose! I cared about both of them way to much, I couldn't lose either, yet if Danse really forced my hand, I would chose Nick. He was the innocent one after all.

Danse's lip pressed into a firm line, "He hasn't done anything yet." He said sharply. "That thing is an unknown and you cant trust it. I have no clue as to why these civilians do."

"Danse." I said my voice hoarded, "Please, I'm begging you, don't tell Maxon."

"Enough Knight!" He said his tone raised. His voice bounced off the walls of my empty house, echoing around me. "And another thing, I don't want you speaking to me that way again. I am your Commanding Officer!"

I grounded my teeth together, pulling his damn rank on me again. Fine! If he wanted to play it that way than fine!

I turned his steely gaze with a burning glare of my own, "Understood, Paladin." I said curtly.

I saw a flash of panicked worry crossed his features before it was masked with a trained expression as I turned away to pack.

We packed in silence, all the while my thoughts chocked me with a panicked frenzy. What was I going to do? Should I warn Nick? Probably after our altercation in the detective agency, Nick might already be on guard. Before we left the city I'll drop a message off with Piper's little sister and warn them, just in case.

Hopefully by the time we got back to the Prydwen I could change Danse's mind. Maybe I could convince him to overlook his strict ideas to see that not everything is as they appear. Sure Nick was an Institute synth, but that didn't make him a threat. Danse needed to see past what he was taught. He needed to see that not everything in this world was black and white, and that the Brotherhood isn't always right. But for someone, 'Brotherhood through and through' how could I get him to see. It seemed down right impossible.

We left that evening with a strained silence looming over us like a storm cloud. I had managed to slip Nat the message without Danse noticing. He was too busy stewing in his anger.

Hopefully Nick would get the message and hopefully I could get Danse to see reason.

Otherwise, Nick and I were screwed.

We reached the Boston Public library well after dark. From the distance we were from the building I could still see it poking out amongst the other buildings. I had been tempted to go investigate the old library to see if I could find some of the books I had checked out were still there, but in the end I decided against that. Danse was furious enough, I didn't want to anger him anymore than he already was. That and I highly doubted he would let me wander off.

We walked most of the way in silence. Only when we thought an enemy was nearby did we speak to one another. To be perfectly honest, I was growing tired of his cold shoulder act.

I watched him walk ahead of me. His posture was rigid with alertness, on guard in case of an unforeseen attack. I knew now wouldn't be a good time to speak, we were surrounded by cover, yet were too exposed all at the same time. But what choice did I have really?

"Danse," I called out in a hushed tone. He paused in his walking but didn't look at me. "We need to talk."

He finally turned his head slightly, showing me his profile. His expression was set in stone and when he spoke, his tone was stern, "Not now, Knight." He said.

"Yes now," I growled out. "You cant ignore me forever, Danse."

"I'm not-"

"Don't even finish that sentence, Paladin." I snapped. "You and I both know that your are so don't bother denying it."

Danse frowned with disapproval but remained silent. I cleared my throat before continuing, "Look, I'm sorry that I didn't give you any warning about Nick, but I knew you wouldn't let me see him if I had told you." Danse made a grunt of agreement. "But please trust me when I say that Nick is a good man. He saved my life, that has to mean something to you."

His expression softened by a fraction, but he still glared. I couldn't tell if his eyes were on me, or behind me. "It does mean something to me, Gilmore." He said in a low tone, "But I fail to see why it would be so willing to help you."

"Because he understands what I'm going through." I said boldly. Danse gave me a sideways look to elaborate, but I ignored it. Now wasn't the time to go into details about my past. Too many bombshells in one day. "That and he's a good man." I repeated, hoping it would finally sink in.

I groaned when he said, "He is not a man. How many times do I need to tell you that?"

I glared, "Until your blue in the face." I said, "It doesn't matter if Nick is metal on the outside, he is still a person to me. He's-he's-" The only one I can truly relate too. The only person I had that I could talk to about prewar things without getting that dee in headlights look. There was also something else about Nick… "He reminds me of my father…and that…well..it familiar." I said quietly. It was strange how similar the two were. My father had been a cop before I had been born, but retired soon after. It made me wonder though, maybe they knew each other. I'd have to ask Nick later. "I trust Nick. I trust him with my life."

He stared at me without speaking. A vein pulsed in his muscular neck, but he still didn't say anything. Finally after a few moments he said in a low voice, "Clearly you trust that Synth more than you do me." His voice held an accusatory tone that pierced my chest. "Since it's obvious you confide in it more than you do with me."

I felt my heart plummet as I reached out to him, "No Danse, that's not it at all. I trust you!"

He recoiled away from my hand and gave me a scowl. "If you trusted me, than you would have told me what it was from the moment you mentioned it's name."

"That's not fair and you know it!" I threw back, "Danse, look, I trust you. I trust you with my life and more. But I can't trust you with Nick's and that's why I didn't want to tell you."

He opened his mouth to speak when a loud mutated howl broke through our conversation. Danse's skin greyed while I felt a lump form in my throat. He whirled around on his heels and crept along side the nearest building. I silently followed, standing behind him.

He peered behind our cover, his expression steely. "Super mutants. " He said through clenched teeth, eyes on them. "I see eight, including a suicider, a hound and possibly an overlord."

"Shit," I breathed. Even though Danse was a seasoned Supermutant exterminator, that was way to many to engage, especially since it was just the two of us. "What's the plan sir?"

"Not to engage, were heavily outnumbered, "He said still watching them, "We'll go around-"

Danse suddenly froze, "Danse?" I called out. When I received no answer, I caustiously peered to get a look at his face. I looked up at his face, it was absolutely blank with shock. Danse was unmoving wide eyed and staring as though he had just been transfixed by a bullet through his heart. His eyes were glazed over, and he had that look about him that scream he was elsewhere. I had been about to reach out to him when he dashed out of cover, and ran straight toward the group of supermutants.

I called out to him, again my voice failed to reach him. He pushed forward. The mutants turned towards us now, "Get humans!" Cried one wearing a spiked helmet. I assumed that must be the Overlord.

The suicider was the first to charge. It ran slow and hulking towards danse who didn't even flinch. He just pushed forward, showering the mutant with a cascade of bullets. Normally Danse's aim was spot on with deadly accuracy. Now though his bullets whizzed past their target.

I quickly upholstered my sniper rifle and adjusted the sights. I only had moments till the two collided, one shot was hopefully all I needed

The blinking red light was in my sights. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight and a cool calm blow through me. My muscles slacked and I sucked in a deep breath as I pulled the trigger, silently pleading that my bullet would find its mark.

After three poor shots my bullet found its mark and the result was an enormous explosion which caused smoke and debris to rise into a small mushroom shaped cloud. The explosion had taken the suicider and the hound in its wake. The others stared slack jaw with amazement on their misshapen features, until their leader barked out more orders.

Danse had completely ignored the explosion in front of him. Instead he rushed into the cloud, disappearing from my sights. I could still see the glow from his laser bullets through the debris, so I knew he wasn't hurt.

Why the hell did he engage? My mind screamed as I pushed closer. Normally he was the one chiding me for doing reckless stupid things, now here he was doing just that.

Danse's charge drew the attention of the mutants which gave me the advantage I needed to pick them off from a distance. I couldn't get up high, but I could find a place that would give me an advantage point.

Something was definitely wrong though. Danse never lost his cool. He was the very definition of steely composure. He also wasn't reckless. And the way he froze up like that wasn't normal. His eyes were unfocused and his breathing had been off.

Once Nate had returned from the front lines, he would forget where he was. He would suddenly lose himself to his flashbacks and memories. It wouldn't even take much to trigger them, a certain smell, something that looked familiar, even a sound had been enough to plung him back into his nightmares.

Was that what was happening to Danse?

The smoke and dust had settled, giving me a clearer view. Danse had taken down the majority of the horde now and was engaged with the Overlord. Even from this distance I could see his eyes were glazed over, unfocused. He was pale and rigid, barely ducking for cover but he didn't seemed to care as the mutant's bullets rebounded off his armor. I needed to end this quickly. One shot to his exposed head would be enough to take Danse down.

I bent down and looked through my scope. I had a clear shot of the mutant overlords head, if I didn't get a head shot I could at least drag the focus away from Danse-

"Puny human, DIE!"

I looked behind too late as a pair of meaty hands shot out and grabbed me. I let out a scream and struggled, but each time I shifted the grip would tightened around me. "Stupid human." The mutant laughed.

He squeezed harder and I felt all the air in my lung blow out of me. Think! My mind screamed as I pinched my eyes shut. It's laughter filled my thoughts as it's death grip tightened around me, making it harder to think.

Dark spots floated in my vision as I grasped for air. Red-black pain bloomed suddenly from my stomach and was sure it had broken a rib or two. I panted in short gasps, trying to breath. Kicking my feet at its large stomach, the force of it doing nothing, but it helped me feel a little better. My vision blurred from the tears that stung my eyes. The black spot grew each time I tried to blink away the tears.

Then it stopped.

I felt my body being thrown. I crashed into something hard and more spots danced in my vision.

I lay inert, trying to disappear into the darkness that enveloped me. I knew the mutant was drawing near, knowing it was planning on stomping on my head. I trembled with the thought. The pain in my side was intense, so much so that I wish I had taken some med-x before jumping into battle. I twisted, curling bringing up my shoulders and trying to shield my face against the cement. This was it, he raised his foot and gave a wet laugh. Would I even hear my own head shatter, or would it just end in a instant?

It didn't come.. There was another sound, fast, clanking and loud. A meaty sound of steel on flesh in a soft smacking rhythm filled the air. Then the sound of a rifle unloading its magazine.

I heard and felt a loud thud not to far off from where I laid.

Hands were around me, soft gentle and hesitant. My eyes searched unfocused until I saw him. Danse was blurred, obscured by the dark spots that littered my vision. He was still rigid but his eyes were focused and filled to the brim with worry and concern. I blinked to clear my vision. His face was a bit clear to me now, so marred with concern that even in my unfocused state I could feel my heart beat painfully against my chest. I tried to grasp words to form but lacked the oxygen.

His words were incoherent to me, but there was a panic in his voice that I could still make out.

He called out to me, repeating my name with increasing urgency. I tried to respond, but my mind felt sluggish as the dark spots overtook my vision and I lost sense of all around me and within.

I came out of innocuousness sometime later. Groggy and sluggish I slowly slipped back into my own skin. I began to take notice of things as my mind rose to clarity. The dull ache in my side, the sharp pain in my lungs with each breath and a nerve that began to twitch near one eye.

I realized I also had a jacket on me, it smelled of power amor grease and pine.

I moved to sit up when gentle hands grabbed my shoulders. "You have a bruised rib." Danse said as he ushered me down. "Try not to get up," His voice was dripping with apprehension, while his posture was drawn up in silent agony. "I wanted to wait until you woke up. To give you a stimpack. I uh didn't want it to jolt you awake."

He was avoiding my eyes, his own were casted downward staring at the grooming. "Thank you." I said.

With a nod of his head he took out the stimpack and administered it gently to my side. Instantly I could feel the miracle drug take effect. The pounding in my head eased while the pain in my side dulled to the point where I could easily ignore it. I rose slowly into a sitting position and looked at him.

We fell into a silence after that. Danse remained by my side, his hands folded in his lap. I could tell words were dancing on his lip, but nothing came out. His shoulders hunched and his face was scrunched up. "I'm sorry." He said after some time. His head bowed, hiding his facial features from me. "This was-I don't-it was my fault you were injured."

"Danse, it's okay." I said gently to him, "These things can happen…."

He looked up, the clash of emotion in his eyes wavered suddenly, like the glass of a window being blown against a strong breeze. He shut his eyes, swallowed once and opened them again. "Emery." He said so quietly that I barely heard him., "if I hadn't lost it like that. No…this was my fault, don't try and play it off as if it wasn't."

I reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. The muscle tensed but slowly its tension eased under my palm, "Danse." I said quietly, unsure of what to say. I knew it wasn't his fault but…. "What happened back there?"

The air seemed to have shifted around us as a grave silence fell down upon us. He pulled away, my hand falling down to my lap. "I don't know…" His voice was horses with emotion. "I just saw…I saw these around one of their necks." He raised an old rusty chain up. My eyes widened They were worn from age and damage but I could clearly see them, Brotherhood of steel holotags dangled at the end of the chain."I don't know why, but I snapped, and my recklessness placed you in danger. I should have been there to cover you."

My thoughts drifted towards Cutler and what Danse had told me. Of how he had been forced to mutate. When Danse saw those tags, it must have been enough to send him back to his past.

It never occurred to me that Danse could be vulnerable like that. He was such a strong person, stronger and stubborn that anyone I knew. The very idea that he could be struggling with something as serious as these feelings, these flashbacks was jarring.

Nate had had similar experiences when he returned from the front lines. The sounds of a helicopter had been enough to draw him back to his memories. Or even fireworks. His PTSD could be so severe at night, he would dream and the'd be so vivid that he would lash out at anything or anyone.

And Danse might be suffering from the same thing.

How could I over look it. The signs had been everywhere. His lack of sleep, the way he couldn't talk about things that bothered him…and now this. Like dirt being swept away during a rain storm, our pervious altercation washed away to the back of my mind. Right now, making sure he was alright was my main concern. Everything else could wait. "I don't blame you, so there's nothing to feel guilty over." I said as I placed my hand on his knee. I needed to cement the fact that this couldn't possibly his fault. "What happened is not your fault-"

"I am your commanding officer, a Paladin of the Brotherhood."He cut in with a edge to his tone. I knew his harsh tone of voice wasn't directed towards me, but rather projected onto himself. "I cannot let my weakness get the better of me. My actions today were inexcusable, and it almost costed you your-your life."

"I guess were even then."

His head snapped up at me, eyes wide with confusion. I offered him a smile, "Were even." I repeated. "For the time I almost blew us up at Archjet with my reckless behavior."

"That's not-" He had started to say but stopped when I grabbed his hand. He stared down shocked, then looked up at me, pink staining his cheeks.

His hands were rough and calloused, but just holding his hands was enough to make me jittery with excitement. "It's the same Paladin." I said firmly, while giving his hand a squeeze. "We'll not quite the same…my stunt was when I had complete control over my actions, and just threw a grenade like some stupid idiot. Yours was different, and you don't have to feel guilty about anything. Since it wasn't your fault."

"But-"

"No buts Paladin." I scolded, "It's not like you did this on purpose, it just happened…so I don't want you thinking that it was your fault."

He looked away from me, his lips pressed in a firm thin line. He still kept his hand in mine I noticed. Whether he didn't mind holding it, or he just forgot, I didn't know. I hoped the former though. He stared silent for a time, battling with himself. Every time he opened his mouth to say something he would shut it and shake his head. "I still feel responsible." He said his voice barely above a whisper. "I should have had your back for what happened with the mutants…and with, the synth."

I gaped at him, "What?"

"I had time to think on it, and while I disapprove of your connections with a synth." He said his tone rough like sandpaper. "I'' trust your judgment on the matter, and I wont inform Maxon. At least not until the synth does something that I don't like."

"I…I,_ I paused. "Thank you, Danse I'm sorry I might have caused you to think I didn't trust you…"

He smiled, "Let's put this behind us."

I had been about to agree with him when I quite suddenly realized he had changed the subject-albeit subtly-away from his episode. "Danse." I said firmly as I let out of his hand. A look of disappointment flashed over his face, "We can't just ignore what happened today. Has this-has this ever happened before?"

I knew I was trending on thin ice, but we couldn't over look this. A look of panic flashed in his eyes before it was smothered with a frown. "Its fine." He said bluntly. "It was just a last in judgment. I let my anger get the better of me."'

"Its not fine." I shot back. "And that wasn't your anger, that was something else entirely Danse. You-you didn't notice things around you. It was as if you weren't even here…"

He gave me a hard look, "I'm fine." He repeated. "It wont ever happen again."

That's what Nate had said before he had a relapse. I reached back out to grab both of his hands in mine. He flinched at the touch, physical contact never came naturally to him.

I hadn't wanted to voice it out loud, but he terrified me when he froze up like that. Hell it still scared the living daylights out of me. "You cant ignore something like this. Please talk to me." I pressed. Nate had tried to open up to me about it, but some things had been to difficult for him to tell me about. He ended up talking to a psychiatrist. It had taken some convincing, I even had my father talk to him, until he finally relented. "Or Cade, I bet he would kno-"

"No!" Danse's voice echoed off the walls around us and I found myself shrinking away from him, pulling my hands out of his. He paused, took a death breath. "No, I'm fine." He said calmly, but with a tired tone to it. He brought his hand to his forehead. "I don't want to start another argument, so let's drop it and head out, if your up to it."

I wanted to say, only if you were, but held my tongue. I didn't want to fight again either. "I-yes I'm up to it." I bit my lip, watching him stand up, he walked over to his armor. The suit opened up with a hiss as he stood before it. He still held himself as if he was drowning in guilt. I couldn't see his face, but knew he had his brows furrowed. What could I say, what could I do to help? From what little I've seen, Danse's PTSD symptoms were worse than I feared, and if he blocked me out there was little I could do to help.I still had to try though.

Jokes had always helped Nate, even on his worst days he would crack a smile at something stupid I told or did.

We picked up camp quickly and quietly, trying to get a better distance away from the library and the groups of super mutants that hung around it. We kept to the alley ways as much as possible. I figured now was a good time as any to help lighten the mood, "So, you ever hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?" I said with a smirk.

Danse looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a frown on his face, " I think he would be dead solider."

"It's a joke Danse."

"Oh," he said, "well, what happened?"

I shook my head with a laugh, but regretted it. The motion gave me such a sense of vertigo and a round of stars floated in my vision that I almost lost my balance. I braced myself against the wall to keep from falling over.

"Emery?" Danse said. It only took him a few strides to reach me. " Are you alright?"

I placed a hand to my forehead, "yeah, just shook my head too fast." I said closing my eyes. "I think…"

I felt a hesitant hand on my shoulder. My eyes flew open which only caused another rush of vertigo. " I think you might have hit your head harder than I thought." He said concern ebbed in his voice. " I think I see a bruise forming."

" I think I can confirm that…" I winced as I rubbed the now bulging bruise on the side of my head. I felt myself sway. Fearing I was about to fall over, I reached out, but instead of grabbing the walls, I grabbed onto something smooth and cool. My eyes widened as I realized what I feel into.

Danse had his arms around me steadying me. Even though he was in his armor, it was, intoxicating just to be held by him, even if we had been fighting so much lately, it didn't change the way I felt for him.

My heart stopped beating for a moment, then resumed with a force that I was sure was audible to him. I dared not look up at his face, he would clearly see the blush that covered my whole face.

We stayed silent for a time, both shocked at the closeness of the other until I broke the stillness, "I'm…fine…" I said slowly feeling a queer mix of excitement and hesitance that made my breath come up short . " I think I can stand now…"

"Right, right." He breathed out releasing his arms around me. He didn't move them too far, just enough to catch me if I did loose my balance. He too must have felt the constraint of mingled shyness and intimacy. I couldn't imagine what he must be thinking. Just simple hand holding was enough to make him freeze, I couldn't imagine what holding a person could do to him. " are you sure your well enough to continue."

" I should be." I said as I resisted the urge to nod my head. "I think it's passed now." Maybe a round of med-x might help.

No, I shouldn't use it again. I already used it too much last week. I didn't want to get addicted to the stuff…but I was sorely tempted.

"Good." He said with a nod as he stepped away from him. A deep flush staining his ears. " let me know if you get dizzy again."

"I will."

He turned to walk ahead, when he stopped. For a split second I thought he might go into a flashback again, until he turned his head to look at him, he had a small smile on his face and a warmth in his eyes that caused my heart to flutter, "I'm glad your alright Emery." Without another word, he started walking ahead.

I was left gaping before I too followed after. Though under my breath I said, " I wish you were."

-Chapter End-

Sorry for the late post. I could not for the life of me figure out what to write in chapter 6 so that took a while. Then mass effect andromeda came out and well disctraction. I wil try and type up chapter 6 as soon as possible, but i make no guarantees. It'l be a bit slower at work so i might be able to get more done.