At the end of this chapter you will find the name of the squeal, I hope to start posting in October.
Olivia gasped softly and quickly turned at Barba's words. She was now facing him. He studied her face, trying to read her every emotion correctly. He backed away a little to give her room, she looked like she was getting ready to bolt. Her eyes were wide with shock, terror and some other emotions he could not name yet. he wanted so badly to continue, but he needed to hear her response first. He watched as she struggled in silence for what felt like an eternity. Suddenly as through some of her training kicked in, she regained some of her control, there was fire in her eyes, and he was glad. She was on the defensive again, but Barba knew he was ready. She was trying to build more walls around herself and calling upon every defense mechanism she had at her disposal. She found her voice. "Take it back!" She said walking toward him and staring into his green eyes.
"No!"
"Take it back!"
"No!" "I love you." He repeated keeping eye contact. She stopped walking toward him, she stood still staring at him, unable to look away. He took one step toward her
"Take it back now Barba!"
Barba chuckled. "You sound like a 5 year old right now." He said.
"Yeah well I spend a lot of time with a 5 year old. Take it back."
"So you can pretend it was never said? So you can pretend it's not true?" He took 2 baby steps closer to her.
"I mean it, take it back!"
"I'm not leaving you, and I'm never taking it back."
"Barba I'm not joking."
"Do I look like I'm joking?"
"You can't say things like that to me."
"I did. What are you going to do about it Lieutenant?"
"Barba, you need to take it back right now." She said, her voice soft and shaking. He shook his head in a no motion, and took another step toward her. A part of her wanted to look away from him, the way she had so many times in her office. A part of her wanted to run again. This part of her was the part of her that unusually won out, the part of her that was responsible for most of her decisions, but to her surprise despite that look in Rafael Barba's green eyes, she found herself slowly walking to him. "You don't know what you're saying. Just take it back."
"Oh I know exactly what I'm saying." Barba answered in his take charge courtroom voice. "I know you Olivia Benson, and I love you. That is never going to change." He wanted to reach out, and grab her hand, but it was not the time.
"Stop saying things like that to me now." She wanted to scream that he didn't know her, but that would be an insulting lie. She was running out of words she could say truthfully. She was running out of arguments. She knew Rafael Barba as much as he know her. She knew he was not out of arguments, and never would be, because he cared, and that was one of the many ways he showed it. She took a step back, he took a step forward, and there was that look of determination in his eyes that she knew so well, and loved.
"Te Quiero Olivia."" He said gently. He heard her inhale softly. He was holding her gaze. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, he needed to show her he could be her protector, and he would.
Olivia thought about taking another step toward him, but instead she put her right hand up in front of her. "Don't" She said, her voice was shaking, and she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.
"Olivia Mi Amor!" He yelled excitedly with a smile. With that Olivia was off like a shot running back into her small kitchen, she thought of running outside into the street without a word, but she didn't want to worry him like she did weeks ago. He slowly walked in her direction.
"I... I need coffee." She said remembering she made before, around the time she poured Barba a scotch. "You've lost it Barba." She said nervously.
"I should call your mother."
Barba chuckled "Go ahead, tell her I'm confessing my undying love for you. See what says. I'm sure in the future there will be times when she agrees with you over me, but this is not one of these times." Of course Olivia was kidding and trying to regain control of the conversation. As nervous as he was making her, she couldn't help smiling at his response, she was glad he was still in her living area. As long as she faced her coffee maker, he could not see her face. She moved an inch to grab the coffee pot. She began to lift it when she felt his presence behind her. "Here I got it. Let me help you Liv."" He could see she was tired, and nervous, and not eating all day didn't help. She placed the pot down, backed away from the counter a little, and allowed him to pour coffee into a mug.
She moved to a barstool, and Barba placed the mug in front of her. She gave him a small grateful smile before taking a small sip of the much needed coffee. She needed energy even if it was only caffeine induced to continue this conversation. Olivia did not want this conversation, it was scary, but she didn't want to ask Barba to leave. She knew he would never drop it, and she was comforted by that fact. After 3 sips from the mug she took it away from her lips but she continued to hold it. "Who are you and what have you done with Rafael Barba?" Rafael moved to pour himself some coffee. He stood across from her. In this spot he had a very good view of her face, even if she tried to hide behind her coffee mug.
"What do you mean? I'm right here Liv, I've been here for almost 7 years." She took a sip of coffee trying to hide her eyes, and giving herself time to formulate an answer. She could feel his eyes studying her.
After several moments, she put the mug down, and spoke. "No where's the Barba, I know who only cares about winning cases?"
"Did you ever think that's all I was about? He said hurt in his voice.
"No" Olivia answered quickly sorry for the way her words came out the second she said them. "That came out wrong. First of all I'm so thankful you love winning cases Rafael. You fight for the victims who need justice to heal. I'm glad you stayed with SVU. I didn't think you would. When I first heard of you I heard you were an ambitious shark in the courtroom, who did whatever it took to win. I thought you were just using SVU as a stepping stone, and that was fine with me because I heard you were so good at your job, no matter what the case. I knew of you as the guy who got a conviction for the rape of a prostitute. That's very hard to do. I just meant... Where is the Barba I know, the man who doesn't have time for anything other then his career? You love your work, the Rafael Barba I know isn't interested in a personal life. Before I met you Harris said you were perfect for that high-profile case. He said "Rafael Barba the guy's got big brass... ego."
"Excuse me?" These were the words used to describe me right before we started working together?"
Olivia picked up her mug, hiding her eyes. "Yes. Harris and I didn't get off on the best foot, but I think he wanted my approval. At first he didn't like me because I didn't mind telling him I had more experience with SVU, than he did."
Barba smiled, and quickly finished his coffee. He placed his mug down on the counter, and then he made sure his eyes were locked with hers. "So Benson, did you approve?"
"You're great at your job Barba, the best. I just don't understand where all this romantic energy is coming from? Why don't you take it and use it on Yelina, I'm sure that marriage is over. I'm sure it went to hell fast. She's beautiful.
"Have you looked in the mirror? I don't want Yelina."
"Look Lauren Sullivan up."
"I don't want her. but I am flattered you remember all of this. I was infatuated with Yelina, I dated her when we were young, very young, and then Alex turned her head, and that's fine now Liv, because they were always good together. She and I never would have worked out, and Lauren, she has nothing on you. I know exactly what you're doing. How many times do I have to explain to you that pushing me away won't work?"
"You said you were loyal weeks ago, but didn't you criticize your friend Eddie for being loyal? Face it Rafael you don't want to be tied down."
"You're grasping at straws Liv. I don't think you really believe that do you? Running out of arguments? For the record you know I don't have a problem with loyalty. Eddie chose to be loyal to the wrong person. He fell for her fast, he wanted to settle down. She wanted to party. She left her kids, and is doing just that in Miami."
"That's not his fault by the way." Olivia replied.
"No you're right, but Eddie knew her, he thought he could change her."
"That's always a mistake. She drained her coffee mug, placed it down, and sighed. It was silent for a few moments. Olivia was searching for words. "You can never change someone." She finally said.
"Agreed"
"I'm getting some more coffee."
"You sure?"
"Yes, stop trying to take care of me."
"Because you can take care of yourself?"
"Yes I can, I always have."
"Everyone needs someone Liv, deep down you know that." He quickly poured another cup of coffee, and placed it in front of her before she could protest.
"You're a very capable man Barba. Who do you need?"
"Considering everything I've said tonight, I'm surprised you're asking, but I'll answer, because I told you I'm an open book to you. I mean it. You, Olivia. I need you. Come on, is this a complete shock to you? You're a trained detective."
"You don't need me, the only man who needs me is Noah, and when he is a man, he won't."
"That's not true, and it's so sad if you actually believe it. Noah will need you because you are his mother, and yes I need you. Since I've known you, you have been there for me. You said it Liv. You were there when my abuela died.
"Anyone would have done that Rafael."
"I didn't need anyone! I needed you, and you were there. After talking to Fin, I realized you rearranged your whole day for me the day of her funeral. I should have thought of that sooner, but she and I were so close, I was lost and consumed with guilt. I wasn't thinking clearly."
"I just wanted to take the pain away. All I did was sit with you."
"I know, you helped in a way no one else could Liv. Lately I think you see me as someone taking care of you, and you don't think you've done enough for me. Am I right?"
"I haven't done enough for you, I've been a mess, and you... you have been there every step of the way, not just now, but for years. You're the voice in my head, that's why I couldn't stop thinking about what you said along time ago now. Not everything done in the dark is shameful. How do you always know exactly what to say around me?" Olivia whispered. She took a sip of coffee. "I was wrong to show up at your apartment. That's what started all this... confusion I should know better, we're friends, but I've always been professional."
"Olivia, I suppose it would surprise you to know that I have loved you for years. By the time that first case ended, I couldn't stop thinking about you." Olivia quickly put her mug down He watched as her brown eyes grew wide. She could feel herself blush, and she wished that mug was hiding her face. He smiled, his green eyes seemed to dance.
Stop it, Barba You're freaking me out."
"I know. I do that a lot don't I?" Her mouth opened but she did not speak. "I knew you were special the second I met you, and then you opened your mouth and spoke in my office. First, you challenged me when you said "I thought you won cases everybody else ducks." By the time we interviewed the victim together I knew I was a goner. You're so gorgeous, inside and out, and I don't think you know that deep down You think most people have the same kind of heart as you, but they don't. My mother who loves me thought no one could capture my heart, but you did more than that. Olivia you are my heart. I'm so thankful that you came into my life. You have no idea how hard it was to see with someone else, and always someone so far beneath you."
"Beneath me?"
"Yes, beneath you. You head me. Earlier tonight you said. that if you went out with Mr. Amazing, you wouldn't have to disclose it. Now, why would you make a point of saying that?"
"Here we go again." Olivia said, rolling her eyes. "I told you before because Fin would never fix me up with someone I work with, that used to be his policy. It doesn't matter I didn't even want to go out with the guy tonight or any other night. I don't like telling you about my relationships, and if I dated a civilian I wouldn't have to."
"I don't blame you, if I were you I wouldn't want anyone to know I was in a relationship with Cassidy or Tucker.
"Brian's a nice guy, It's complicated." It was now Barba's turn to roll his eyes.
"Somehow I doubt that, but please enlighten me"
"Fine, I met Brian when I started working SVU. I remember we were working on a difficult case, the kind that stays with you. A few of us decided to stop for a drink. Stabler stayed for awhile, but he had to get home. Brian moved over to sit next to me. I was lonely, and I had a little too much to drink, so did he, but I trusted him not to rape me, so I let one thing lead to another. He wanted more from me, I guess, I didn't. We worked together and, because I was lonely, I went against my policy, and I regretted it. I tried to let him down easy, like Stabler suggested, He wasn't happy with that. About 6 months later I was getting ready for a date at my desk, Brain was at the desk next to me. He was upset. He said one day I would marry someone, I'll never forget this. He said... "as long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair. It got to me. Fast forward 13 years later a little before you came to SVU, he got shot, you know that. I got emotional, he yelled for me to get back, and he went down. When I saw he was going to be ok, I wanted to prove that I changed."
"You felt guilty, you rejected him?"
"Ever since he said any marriage I may have would be an affair because of the job."
"He was wrong for saying that."
"I thought so. When he said it he just wanted sex. He was mad, but he was right." She said softly.
"Don't say that, he was wrong. 13 years later, you tried to make things work out of guilt? What a love story. Do tell me more. He's a real man, a real charmer. Barba said sarcastically."
"I didn't say he was the love of my life. I never thought he was."
"What did he do for you besides make you feel guilty?"
"I didn't want anything from him, but he was there sometimes... sort of..."
"Keep talking, Liv. You're making my case for me."
"I always do." Olivia answered trying to lighten the mood.
He smiled. "Don't try to change the subject." Olivia got off her barstool, and slowly walked back to her living room. She looked behind her to make sure he was following her and he found it so endearing. He did follow behind her and watched as she paced for a moment before stopping. He walked to her, and made eye contact.
Olivia could see the wheels turning in Rafael's head, and she wondered what he was trying to get at. "I don't like this line of questioning counselor, but I'll go along with it because I'm curious. I thought I could make it work with Brian. We were both on the job, and we both had crazy schedules, I thought our lives could fit. We hardly saw each other and that was fine. You met him."
"He's a brat, I wasn't impressed."
Olivia sighed, and her eyes filled with sadness. She looked like she was trying to decide weather to tell him something. Barba did have a reason for all his questions about her past. He was not trying to hurt her, he hoped in this moment she understood that. He had a good idea of where he was going with his line of questioning, and if Olivia gave him unexpected information he would roll with it, just like he did when his cases took twists and turns. "Liv?" He said gently. He could hear breathe softly. She looked down, breaking eye contact. She looked at her hands. He was about to say her name again, when he heard her speak.
"You know when Stabler was on the job, people always asked him why he chose to work in the unit. Most who are chosen to work SVU don't last, even the DA's don't last, and beg for transfers. Stabbler used to tell people he thought that sex should be a joyful, and even sacred part of life." She picked her head, and met his eyes. "Leave it to a Catholic boy to say something like that." She gave him a weak smile, like the one she gave him when his grandmother was ill. That day he asked her what she would be doing at 85. Now, he smiled back at her, the same way he did that day after she made that comment which seemed to warm his heart. Olivia loved that smile. She loved every one of Rafael Barba's many smiles.
"In your line of work, Liv, I'm sure you have run into many Catholic boys." Barba replied, he hated that he saw so much sadness in her eyes. He smiled at her again, he wanted to put her at ease.
His smiled warmed Olivia's heart, but she had to look away from these eyes or she would not have the strength to continue. "Anyway, he told people that nobody should ever taint that joy by using the act of sex as a weapon. He said sex was supposed to be a natural, normal, healthy human act." She paused, and took a breath before continuing "Growing up I was never told that. One day I came home from school and my mother wasn't drunk. I was happy, until she sat me down for a sex talk."
"How old were you?"
"The first time, 12, a normal age, but getting a lecture by Professor Serena Benson about sex was not a pretty picture, and I learned that the lecture was anything but normal. That was the day she told me about the monster who raped her, and she told me that monster was my father. Then she explained the rules."
Rules? Barba questioned softly.
"Sex Rules according to Serena Benson. I remember she said "Olivia if you ever have to have sex be like a machine. Keep your emotions out of it. Look at the wall, look at the clock, stare into space if you have to, never get caught up in love, that's how you loose your control. Tune out, do what you have to do, and wait for it to be over. Always protect yourself."
"Liv?" Barba whispered. Once again his heart broke for her, the conversation her mother had with her explained so much.
Olivia met Barba's eyes. "Some of what she said was good advice, it's helped me to be a good cop, I do protect myself and on the job in dangerous situations I stay calm."
"Did you talk to anyone about this sex talk?
"No. I haven't thought about it in years. The only ones who know of this little talk are me, my mother, and now you. I thought I could make it work with Brian. Brian is ... simple. I always know what he wants. When I tell him I'm fine, he takes it no matter what and he drops it. He moves on.. He doesn't push, he doesn't want everything I am, he doesn't try to look into my heart... to look into my soul... Her voice trailed off.
"Like I do." Barba said in his courtroom voice.
"I know how to deal with most men, I know how to handle myself in all kinds of situations."
"You know how to control yourself, to control situations." Barba said. The wheels in his head were turning quickly. He was surprised with what she revealed, but honored she trusted him. He took a step closer to her and continued to listen intently. He was waiting to make his case.
"After Lewis I couldn't turn myself on and off like a robot, this was hard for Brian. The day that he left we had this huge argument. I told him I didn't want to talk about these 4 days, that I had worked all day and I just didn't have the energy. He got upset and said "But you tell Barba everything." I told him he was wrong that you were the DA, you needed to know some of the details. He didn't buy it. He started complaining about how many days during the trial I asked him not to be there in the courtroom. He told me he couldn't take it anymore, and he left. I wasn't surprised, I knew he couldn't handle it and he was stressed."
"Liv, pardon me for not cuing the violins for him. I don't care how stressed he was, you needed support."
"He was there. He wasn't used to dealing with me like that. I wouldn't let him touch me. He had needs.
"Oh please, what happened was traumatic for you, you're strong, but you shouldn't be expected to act like a robot, you're not a machine. you're human."
"I didn't want to talk to anyone about these 4 days, I still don't, but I realize I told you more than I had to. You had more than enough for the trial, but it was easier to talk to you. Some things I told you, I confided in you, because you're Rafael, not because you're the D.A."
"Liv, the day the verdict came in, I saw you go into the stairwell. I stayed very close, it took everything in me not follow you in. I knew Cassidy was close by, and I didn't want to get in the way. That day you had so much pressure, and I thought at the time that you wanted him to comfort you."
"I wish I knew that before, but I'm glad I know it now. Will you answer a question?" She almost whispered.
"I'm an open book." He answered and she smiled weakly.
"After Lewis killed himself, I went to IAB, Rita pulled me out quick. Did you send her?"
"I found out you were there. you had no business talking to them so quickly. You couldn't have been thinking clearly. I couldn't go myself, so I sent her. When I explained the situation, she said "Hell no!" She was off running."
"I thanked her for it so many times since."
"I know."
"So you were protecting me?"
"I always will." Olivia let out a sigh. and there in her eyes was the deep sadness.
"Tucker is a good guy too."
"Liv, I will never understand why you gave him the time of day."
"When I told you about Brian... you got this look in her eyes, it was so hard to tell you about him, and I didn't understand why, so I didn't tell you about Tucker." When you figured it out, you were so angry, and you got that look again. I wanted to explain things... but you had it all figured out. I didn't think you were ever going to speak to me again."
Liv, I was so angry, but I could never stop talking to you for very long. I knew that even at the height of my anger. I was hurt."
"I'm sorry, I was wrong but you weren't right about everything."
"I know, I'm sorry. I could have handled it better, I'm sorry."
"No that's not what I mean, you didn't have the details right. I was dating Tucker, but I wasn't sleeping with him. We went to Paris, Tucker reserved a room with one bed, and I thought I could do it. I thought I could do what I was expected to. I thought I could go into robot mode like I did in life before, but when I walked into the room, I knew I couldn't. I told him, we should eat, and I sent him down to the hotel restaurant. I told him I needed a few minutes to freshen up. When he was gone, I went down to the front desk and booked my own room down the hall."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him that I wasn't ready, and he assumed my reasons were all about Lewis. He was disappointed, I could see it. I tried to make a joke, but he didn't laugh. He was miserable the entire trip."
"And you think that's all your fault?"
"I didn't say that. I dated him, because I was getting lonely, every time I went for a drink by myself, there he was, and he seemed very interested. I thought I could make that work because believe it or not when it comes to his personal life, Tucker doesn't ask many questions."
"So what you're saying is, if you were having a bad day, but you said you were fine, he would take it, he would drop it." Olivia nodded. "Olivia you see a pattern here? I do", he said taking 2 steps closer and gazing at her intently.
"I'm not a victim, I don't have a pattern. Stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like the way you always look at me... like I'm."..
"Stop looking at you like you're the most gorgeous woman in the Universe? Stop looking at you like you're the love of my life?"
"Yes." She whispered. "How are you so calm?" Olivia turned to face the wall.
"I spent a long time fighting my feelings for you in the beginning, because I'm your friend, and we work together. One day I realized that it was stupid to fight it, I was being a fool. I decided I wasn't going to hide anymore. I'm not embarrassed or afraid of my feelings for you. I don't hide them now Liv. Ask anyone I know and they will tell you I love you. I do know you though, and I knew if I told you too much too fast you would run. Barba heard her breathe in softly.
"You say you didn't want to say too much too fast, so why now?"
"It was an emergency. Why did you decide to go out with Mr. Amazing tonight?"
"You know why. I told Fin I didn't want to be fixed up. This morning I woke up, I felt your arms still around me. I didn't want to move. I felt so safe, I looked around I remembered that I was in your office. I freaked out, I got up, I wrote, the note, I placed it on you, and I ran. I told you we're getting too close. Noah asks about you everyday, you read a story better than I do. I am just now getting to know your mother and already I talk to her more than I ever spoke to mine."
"Liv, I was told that you wanted to attend my abuela's funeral, but you didn't. Why?"
I didn't know your mother very well at all. I thought she would want to keep it small, family only. It wasn't my place to be there."
"I disagree."
"It wouldn't be the first time."
"You said before, that when you showed up at my apartment, you caused confusion. You did nothing wrong by coming to see me Olivia. In fact when you came to talk to me after work I knew my approach was working. That night you said, I told you not everything done in the dark is shameful. I remember that. You know what else I remember? I remember I walked up the courthouse steps, and I looked behind me. You looked at me, and you put your hand over your heart. I wanted so badly to run down these steps, throw my arms around you, and kiss you. I fell in love with you all over again. I also remember a few days before that, you tracked me down, and you got me to tell you about Marianna, and Ashtonja Abreu. I never told anyone about that situation."
"You had to talk for your own good, I made you talk." Olivia whispered. She could feel tears in her eyes again.
Barba sighed loudly. He took one step closer to her. He placed both hands on her shoulders. "You're right, I'm glad I opened up to you. Sometimes, even you have to open up Mi Amor."
"I know, but I'm fine, please let's just stop this conversation right now."
"Olivia, you will not lose me. "That's not all you're afraid of though is it?" He asked, his voice dipping down. He heard her breathe in. He wished he could see her eyes. "I make you feel too deeply? I make you feel too much? You're afraid of the way I look at you? I make you feel safe? His hands were still on her shoulders and he felt them relax. " Good. You can't turn yourself on and off like a switch with me."
"I can try." She said, her voice shaking.
"Please don't."
"We've worked together for almost 7 years Barba . I do it all the time"
"Please look at me?"
"What do you want from me Rafael? You know that I care about you right? You know that... I... that I love you. I'd take a bullet for you. You have to know that."
Rafael was shocked, he had not expected her to tell him she loved him tonight. His heart filled with joy and excitement, and a calm all at once. "You would take a bullet for most people." Rafael's felt Olivia body move. She was now facing him, and watching him gaze at her.
"What do you want from me Rafael Barba?" She asked softly.
"You would take a bullet for almost anyone. I know you would lay down your life for me, and that terrifies me. I want you to remember that, when you're out there trying to save the world Olivia. I don't want you to die for me. I want you to live a life with me. I know you're afraid of loving me. I know you're afraid of my mother. You're afraid to get close to her also. We're not too close Olivia, we're not close enough. I could never be too close to you. I am different, you have been around people who are there only when it's convenient for them, and you have accepted whatever they throw your way. Olivia that's not good enough. You deserve the best I'm not Stabler, Cassidy or anyone else. "You are my best friend. "I will show you everyday that you are my priority, you and Noah. I love that boy." Olivia flung her arms around the man who showed her everyday that he was on her side, the man who only wanted to be close to her, who built pillow walls just to put her mind at ease. He was her safe place, a part of her was still fighting her feelings, but she didn't want to. She felt his grip loosen, and for a moment her heart sank. She lifted her head to find his eyes, and there they were. He lifted her chin. "You have my heart, Mi Amor. Now, I want you to take my hand. trust me". They both strengthen up. Olivia backed away from him for a second, and then gently grabbed his outstretched hand They stood like that for a long silent moment. Suddenly his hands were around her waist.
"What's your plan Barba?:
"What?"
"I know you too Raffa. I know you have a plan."
"I thought I spelled it out clearly.
"Not clearly enough, I hate surprises."
Barba smiled. "You want the short term plan or the long-term plan."
"Barba!"
He laughed "Alright. my short term plan is to feed you. I heard you didn't eat all day."
"Fin has a big mouth, all of a sudden." She smiled.
"My long term plan is to seduce you, marry you, and be there for you, to have a life with you." Olivia's. brown eyes went wide, and again Barba found himself smiling. "Te quiero Siempre.", I love you always. In that moment Olivia was speechless. She went to kiss him, but he pulled back. He still held her tightly. ""I'm differant Olivia. I'm going to prove myself to you. I want to make sure when we kiss, when we make love you want it."
"You want to seduce me, but you won't kiss me? Are you kidding me? "How does that work?"
"So far very well. Olivia, I waited so long, when I do kiss you, it's going to become a habit, I will never want to stop. You were recently attacked. I want you to kiss me first when you're ready." You won't regret me. You will never be a robot with me. Understand? You will never be ashamed of anything with me."
"Why did I tell you about that sex talk? I almost forgot about it."
"You almost buried it, Liv. He said gently.
"You do realize that the last man who tried to kiss me was a wife beating rapist right?"
Barba leaned in and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger. When he was done, he gazed at her, the desire clear in his eyes "Not anymore. Mi Amor."
"You want to torture me?"
"Sweet torture, not real torture. I'm glad you changed your shoes. I love it when you wear flats."
"Yeah why don't you show me?"
"Nice try, I'm not kissing you now, no matter how difficult it is."
"How difficult is it?"
"Olivia," he warned, in his courtroom voice.
"Fine." She sighted.
Barba could see she wanted to say something, but was unsure if she should. "Liv what are you thinking?"
"Tonight, I wanted to go out with the guy to prove to myself that I could go out without thinking about you."
"I knew that."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "So Barba are we going steady?
"I just spent hours telling you, you are the love of my love of my life. and I'm going to marry you. What do you think?"
"We are. I guess we've been dating awhile or at least it feels that way." She said softly. "I have no problem with loyalty or being faithful, but what if I told you I still had a problem with the institution of marriage?"
"I'm sure there are stories behind that. I'll change your mind."
"You are so sure of yourself." She said He stepped back, and grabbed her hand leading her into the kitchen.
"You love that about me. Oh, FYI you need to call my mother. She said you spoke to her today, but when she called back you didn't answer. She called 3 times. You're in trouble." She smiled as she watched Rafael Barba, her best friend searching her fridge, if this was trouble she wanted more of it. She never had this kind of trouble, and she wanted it from now on.
"Barba it's late?"
"I'm staying."
"You know we never saw that movie."
"We will. Don't forget, Mi Amor, I owe you a lot of real dates."
Author's note To be continued in Letting, Shame Out, Letting Love In
I want to start Letting Shame Out, Letting Love in October. It will be part of a series. Thank-you for reading! I find sometimes writers write a story for the joy and fun it brings. Sometimes an author writes something because it brings them joy and healing! This story is part of what will be a series because it is healing for me.
Thank-you Law and Order SVU. Thank-you Mariska Hargitay, Joyful Heart Foundation, and Raul Esparza for inspiring me get out of a situation, and inspiring me to get back to my art again!