I had stopped moving, stopped shaking altogether now. Couldn't, did not have the strength.
My body was boneless, moving as they wanted. I was their puppet at last. Maybe this was my purpose all along. Why struggle when it was pointless anyway? It had always been pointless.
I would never be able to be clean from this.
"Go ahead then. Go ahead. You think this is enough? Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart. Rip me apart..." I whisper, my voice calm and sleepy, staring at nothing.
The hand at my forehead started to shake. I didn't notice. My mind was split in several directions, all white corridors with broken windows, broken doors. Nowhere to hide. Letting the shards in was an easy choice as they continued to move around me, inside me. Lavinia is whispering to me, showing me her bleeding wrists, no tongue and no air left to scream.
There is a pulling sensation in my head. Maybe it is death.
The hand I feel the most is shaking – more. My dads leer has become frozen, sweat gathering on his brow. But I do not see him. And then I truly do not see any of them anymore. They all fade before my eyes, like ghosts in the dark – playing tricks. The hand on my forehead is gone and an old man is on his knees in front of me, screaming. I am on my knees as well.
Is it me? Is this still happening? Curious, I lean forward and touch him, to see.
But he has the face of someone I recognize – someone I saw, before. Old and powerful, he was going to punish me for something, what was it? When I touch him, he screams louder. Is this my father?
The thought makes me burn. He sounds like my father.
I squeeze his shoulder – the fabric bunching underneath my fingertips. The pulling in my head gets stronger and my hand feels glued to his body. He tries to scratch at my face with long fingernails. He starts yelling.
"Stop her! She is hurting me – I can feel it I – it burns! " he screams, wincing and trying to get away from my hand, trying to recoil. But he can't. I watch detached, fascinated. How is this part of hell?
"Who are you talking to? There is nobody here but you and me." I whisper. He does not understand. He never did.
Somebody touches my shoulder and I flinch, I burn. I can feel a scream against my skin, and then smaller – then nothing, just an empty echo left. A body thrust into a furnace, disposed. And then, more screams, more voices. But I don't see or pay attention. I only see my father's face, twisted in pain.
"Get off him! Make her get off!"
"Call for the guards!"
"How did she do that?!"
"Kill her! Kill her now!"
That last one does not slip past me. I move to the side as someone lunges for me, but manages to hit my shoulder hard enough that I hear a loud crack. But when they reach out to grab me, they separate into a million tiny pieces. Suspended in the air like falling ash, slowly disappearing and fading. Gone.
Just like the old man in front of me, who is beginning to crack and peel. He has stopped screaming for help ans instead just looks at me – his lips are gone, peeling off. His jaw is next to go, as he falls apart, piece by piece.
He looks surprised.
When the last piece of him falls to the floor, the voices are all silent for once. Nobody speaks, only barely audible gasps. Then the room goes pitch black – somebody has turned off the lights.
They still try to get to me, but I don't let them. I feel them on me for a split-second, and then no more – a muffled, gargled scream that falls away, like their bodies. Dust gathers into my eyes and I blink against it, rubbing my eyes.
"She must be killed! Stop her – do not let her leave!"
I hear the sound of metal against the floor, and it makes me stop. I cannot stand upright, too much pain everywhere. I brace myself against the nearest wall I can find, staring wildly around me in the dark. I expect them to come back. I will be expecting them, prepared.
"Rip me apart then, rip me apart, rip me apart..." I mumble to the wall, closing my eyes just for a second. I am so tired. I just want to go to sleep.
Someone is close – I can hear a snarling sound and then – a surprised yelp and the crack of muscle and bone.
"Aro – what are you doing? Why are you doing this?" a question in the dark as I hear someone else that sounds like me, in pain.
"Because I should never have brought her here in the first place." is the answer, a dark, smooth voice speaks. He is someone I know. Another version of pain.
"Get away! Get away!" I scream, and the voice goes quiet. But I hear something else – an animal. Something sad and broken. A howl in the dark. Everyone else is gone – the footsteps have quieted and the bodies around us are still. I hear him shift in the dark – somewhere close to me. I cower against the wall.
"I never wished this for you, never. You must know that." he says, his voice thick with emotions I can't understand.
"I don't know who you are. Stay back!"
"I know. It was my fault. All of it."
"Then aren't you happy? Aren't you glad? You've won, at last. I am this, at last. "
"No...no!"
Suddenly he is right there next to me and I try to get away. But I am too tired and he holds me close and I have lost. He does not disintegrate, he does not burn. I am not sure if I want him to. But there is something wrong with him. He is crying.