Remus woke up from his very relaxing nap, smelled scented candles, and was suddenly no longer relaxed. "Madam Pomfrey," he groaned.

She was by his bedside in seconds. "Yes?"

"Pensley is here. She's standing outside the Hospital Wing. Why the heck would she be here?"

"Not Pensley; Professor Janice," Madam Pomfrey corrected. "And I've no idea. How long do you think she's been out there?"

"Not long enough. You should let her stand there for a few more minutes. Hours. Days. Months."

Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes. "Don't be rude. But thank you for telling me. She doesn't like to knock; I might never have known she was there."

"Wish I hadn't told you, then," muttered Remus. "Don't let her in, okay? Even if she wants to see me. Especially if she wants to see me."

"You're not the gatekeeper, Mr. Lupin," said Madam Pomfrey loftily. "I may let in whomever I wish. Now close your eyes and try to sleep without the Draught."

Remus closed his eyes, but he listened carefully nonetheless as Madam Pomfrey left her office and opened the door to the main ward. Immediately, the scent of candles reached a crescendo, and Remus nearly choked.

"Poppy!" came Pensley's infuriating voice, squeaky and stupid as nails on a chalkboard. "I was wondering if you have Remus Lupin with you."

"I do," said Madam Pomfrey, and Remus suppressed another groan. "He's always here on the day of the full moon," she added, and Remus lost the battle. He doubted, however, that human hearing was good enough to hear his groans of annoyance all the way from the main ward. What if Pensley decided to visit every full moon? Remus would just die.

"Good, good!" said Pensley, even though nothing was good about the situation in the slightest. "May I speak with him?"

"It's seven am, Janice. I'm trying to get him to sleep."

Pensley's airy voice reached an octave that Remus didn't think possible. "Oh! He's awake, then?"

"We're not accepting visitors right now."

"The full moon is tonight, correct?"

How dumb could this woman be? She had only just met with Remus a while ago for the stupid meditation exercises, so she had to know it was today—and besides, Madam Pomfrey had just mentioned it! Remus squeezed his eyes shut until sparks appeared behind his lids. In through his nose. Out through his mouth.

"...Yes, Janice, the full moon is today."

"Better I see him now than tonight, then!" tinkled Pensley.

How dare she? How dare she make a joke about such a sensitive topic? It didn't matter that Professor Questus did it all the time. It didn't matter that Remus actually appreciated a well-placed lycanthropy joke because it made him feel a little more human. It didn't matter! Pensley didn't know Remus, and she had no right!

In through his nose. Out through his mouth.

"If it's really that important," said Madam Pomfrey, "then you may speak with him for five minutes only."

No no no no no no no. Minime. Dim. Non. Nein. No. Remus couldn't think of any more languages to say "no" in.

Despite his multi-lingual protests, Pensley entered his room. Artificial candle-smell emanated from her every pore, and Remus nearly gagged as he sat up and pulled the top of his left sleeve up to his neck nervously. "Professor, I'm very tired," he pleaded. "I'm not up for visitors."

Pensley promptly did what she did best and ignored Remus' pleas. "My meditation failed again, didn't it? Oh, that's such a shame!" She was wearing a very matted and scraggly scarf that reminded Remus of a dead ferret. That was an odd fashion statement. "You can't have been doing the meditation correctly, then. Were you relaxed the whole time?"

"I did it just as you asked, but meditation won't cure lycanthropy. I've been telling you that for months."

"Meditation cures everything! I think the problem is that your innermost soul has become stuck somewhere—have you been getting headaches? Fatigue? Pallor? That's a sign of a trapped soul."

"No, those are the symptoms of lycanthropy," Remus muttered, but it wasn't loud enough for Pensley to hear.

"What was that?"

"My soul isn't trapped," said Remus. "But I'm glad you think that werewolves have souls; that's more than most people can say."

"Remus!" said Madam Pomfrey, poking her head into her office. "Don't talk like that!"

Professor Questus would have laughed, Remus thought sourly, and he had to stop himself from sticking his tongue out at Madam Pomfrey as she left. With difficulty, he donned his most polite voice. "With all due respect, Professor Pensley..." he started.

"It's Professor Janice today, Remus!" she tinkled, and Remus' polite exterior evaporated in mere yoctoseconds. "I only wanted to discuss your last Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Professor Dumbledore told me that he visited you a lot in the Hospital Wing after the full moons to catch you up and give you notes."

"Yeah, he did. Every month."

"Well, here I am!" she said, doing a little flourish. Her very wispy hair flew about in the breeze a bit.

"Here you are to...?" Remus had a very, very bad feeling.

"I want to help! It's my first year teaching, and I very much want to be a good professor. So here I am to give you notes and help you with the lesson!"

Madam Pomfrey poked her head in the doorway again. Remus gave her a pleading look, and she said the blessed eight words: "It's been well over five minutes, Professor Janice."

"Oh, I'm going to need more time than that," said Pensley, her hair still flying about. "Remus is missing today's lesson, so I'm going to go over it with him! It'll be fun! A little bit of private tutoring, if you will!"

Remus groaned for the umpteenth time that day. "Professor! You've got to be kidding!"

"Slow down, Remus," said Madam Pomfrey with a frown. "Has anyone explained your condition to Professor Janice? She hasn't done any research, so she doesn't know nearly as much as Questus or I."

"I..." Remus spluttered. "I... okay. Look, Professor, I appreciate the sentiment—I really do. But Professor Questus always came one or two days after the full moon to catch me up. I'm afraid that I'm very ill right now, and I won't be well tomorrow, either... I don't have the patience or energy to learn a lesson. I really need to sleep; that's why I'm in the Hospital Wing in the first place. If I were feeling well enough to learn, I'd be in class, wouldn't I? And besides, we don't really do..." He fumbled with the words, trying to find the least offensive way of wording it. The problem was, he kind of wanted to offend her, so he was in a bit of a pickle. "We don't really do... Defense-related, cumulative things in class, anyway. So I can do with missing lessons, can't I?"

Pensley sighed, and the air tickled Remus' nose a bit. Her breath smelt of stevia leaves and peaches, and he wrinkled his nose. "Oh, Henry," she said sorrowfully. "I don't think you understand at all. You're very bright, but you don't understand at all."

In through his nose. Out through his mouth. In through his nose.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts has two phrases in it. First, 'Defense Against the Dark'. Second... 'art'. There is art in the craft of defending oneself. To defend yourself against the Dark, you must first know how to defend yourself against the infinitely darker forces of inner demons. Guilt. Fear. Anger. To defend yourself, you must first know yourself. Nosce me ipsum!"

"Nosce te ipsum," muttered Remus. "You just said 'know myself'. I think you mean 'know thyself'."

"See? You know lots of things, but you don't know yourself—who you are on the inside! My activities are not silly, contrary to some people's beliefs. They are designed to guide you; to help you take a deep look at yourself. After all, you can't defend yourself if you don't know what you're defending! You need a clear goal in mind of what exactly you are preserving. Otherwise, fighting is futile."

"I do know myself, Professor."

"Really? Who are you, then?"

Remus felt an Incoming-Cheekiness-Alert go off in his brain, but he did not suppress it. "I'm a Dark and dangerous creature classified as XXXXX by the Ministry. I'm not human, I could kill you in a few seconds flat, and I fantasize about murdering my friends and family when the moon is full. I'm completely evil, 100% Dark, and a product of the very magic against which we are learning to defend ourselves. I'm despised by society and will most likely be homeless and alone when I'm of age. I'm a werewolf." He stopped and smiled at Pensley's horrified face, and then he pensively added, "I also like to read."

Pensley's mouth opened, and she looked quite comical. Remus leaned back into his pillow. He was just about to ask her to leave when Madam Pomfrey stormed in. "You're dismissed, Professor Janice."

Pensley nodded and was gone in a few seconds flat. Remus, on the other hand, stared guiltily at Madam Pomfrey. "Er... what did you hear?" he asked.

"I was listening the whole time, Remus! You don't—how could you—why...?"

"I wanted to get her to listen," said Remus. "It works with my parents. Mentioning my own inhumanity is often quite the attention-grabber."

"Professor Janice wanted to help! Shocking her like that isn't okay! And it isn't okay with your parents, either... oh, your poor mother. You're in an awful mood today, Remus."

"That's why I asked you not to let Pensley in! The full moon is tonight, Madam Pomfrey! I'm tired, I'm ill, I'm sore, I just woke up, I have no patience, and I'm cross with everyone and everything!"

"I refuse to believe that you can't control yourself," said Madam Pomfrey, and she sounded just as cross as Remus felt (which was quite the feat indeed, because Remus was unbelievably cross). "You're usually outstanding at controlling your emotions. I know how hard it is for you, but you usually restrain yourself. You aren't trying, and it's uncharacteristic for you. Last time you lost your temper, you were completely inconsolable, you asked me not to touch you, and you were utterly brimming with guilt and regret—what changed?"

"I don't know! She just gets on my nerves! I really, really don't like her! And I didn't—I didn't lose my temper, per se. It was under control. I didn't shout or throw things or throttle her..." He frowned. "I wanted to, sort of. But I didn't!"

"No, you just made her feel guilty about coming to help you, used language that you know I don't abide to shock her into leaving, made about a hundred sarcastic comments, were scowling the entire time, and were overall not very grateful that she's making an honest attempt to help you!"

"You don't understand!" cried Remus. "You can't understand! No one understands! In this entire school full of students and teachers, no one understands! I'm completely alone, I don't know how to deal with these things, and I hate this! My life is just full of people making wild guesses as to how they can help me! Professor Dumbledore, Mum, Dad... even Professor Questus...! No one knows what it's like, so I don't see how you can reprimand me for losing my temper only thirteen hours before I transform into a literal animal!" Remus was legitimately losing his temper now, and he knew it. He froze and forced himself to breathe. In through his nose. Out through his mouth. "Madam Pomfrey... maybe it's best to leave me alone until I can... compose myself."

It had been stupid to mention Questus; Madam Pomfrey looked even angrier at the mere mention of him. "Fine. Yes. Fine. Me too, and I'm not even a werewolf. We'll discuss this later. I'm going to write a letter."

She left, closing the door on her way out, and Remus buried his face into his pillow and tried not to think about anything in particular.

"Remus? Are you asleep?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

Remus looked up at Madam Pomfrey, and his eyes welled up with tears. "I'm a horrible person," he said. "And I feel really, really ill. I want to go home."

"No, you don't."

"No, I don't. But I don't know what I want anymore. I..." He couldn't get any more words out, probably because he was currently biting his cheeks so hard he tasted blood. Madam Pomfrey sat down beside him, and he moved away. "I'd be more comfortable if you stood over there," he said dully.

"You're twelve, and you're about as strong as a baby bird right now. You couldn't hurt me. I'm not moving." She moved closer to Remus, who inched back a little more. "Remus, you're not a horrible person. You're a very good person who has too many problems for a twelve-year-old to handle."

"I'm sorry!" said Remus. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean... I only wanted... I don't know what I was thinking."

"You just spent a summer with John Questus. I'm not surprised that you're more blunt about your condition than you used to be."

Remus blinked, and tears fell on his bedsheet. He felt like such a baby, and he knew his friends would be teasing him within an inch of his life if they were around. "I hope Pensley doesn't hate me now," he said, mopping his face with the sleeve of his nightshirt. "I'm sorry."

"She won't."

"It's only—I really don't like her. And I've never disliked anyone before, not really, not like this. I have no reason to dislike her, but I dislike her more than I hated Professor Questus when he held me back after class and lectured me on something I didn't do... or Ragfarn whenever he says something mean to me... or... anyone, really..." Except for Fenrir Greyback, but that was different, and Remus wasn't about to say that in front of Madam Pomfrey. "But Pensley's never done anything to me, so I feel awful about it."

"Wait... did you say Ragfarn? Edmund Ragfarn? He called you a...?"

"Edmund Ragfarn? I don't think so. I think his first name is Dav. He works at the Werewolf Registry."

"Oh," said Madam Pomfrey. "There's a Edmund Ragfarn in Slytherin—he's a first-year. You scared me for a moment. Look, Remus, there's no shame in disliking certain people... as long as you're careful to treat them with respect. You need to pretend to like people, at least. It sounds like a rude thing to do, but it will eventually yield actual results. You know how terrible it is when people like that Dav Ragfarn treat you badly, so please try not to do the same to anyone else."

"I try!" said Remus. "But... but I've never been around someone I didn't like on the full moon! It's hard enough with you, and I actually like you. So it was really hard with Pensley around... and it's not much easier when she makes me meditate with her for hours and hours only a couple of days before the full moon!"

"I know. And I'm sorry for being cross with you, as well as ignoring your request to dismiss visitors immediately. This is partially on me. I'm afraid I'm quite accustomed to the Remus Lupin who's more or less desperate for visitors around the full moon..."

"You, Dumbledore, and Professor Questus are all significantly less infuriating than Pensley."

"I agree with the first two, but not the latter."

Remus almost laughed. "Why do you hate him so much?"

"My point is," said Madam Pomfrey loudly, completely ignoring Remus' question, "you're right—you know a lot more about your psychological state than I do. And I'm afraid you caught me off-guard as well as Professor Janice during your little monologue." She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "You don't really believe everything you said, do you?"

"Of course I believe it," said Remus. "It was very objective. All of it was true. Except for... except for maybe the 'completely evil, 100% Dark'. I meant to say 'on the full moon,' but it didn't sound as good. You know. Aesthetically."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head; fortunately, she seemed to be amused rather than angry. "But you were still wrong. All of that isn't who you are."

"It is, Madam Pomfrey."

"You didn't tell the full truth. There's more to you than that."

Remus was silent. "Okay, yeah, maybe, but that wouldn't have been as effective. I figured that rambling about poetry and toads and Boggarts wouldn't carry as much shock value."

Madam Pomfrey laughed a little, and Remus calmed considerably. "No, I suppose not," she agreed.

"I'm really sorry about tomorrow."

"Whatever do you mean? Tomorrow hasn't even happened yet, so you've nothing to apologize for."

"I'm stressed, aren't I? And I've been really ill all day. The full moon is probably going to be awful."

"Then you should be apologizing to yourself. I assure you, Mr. Lupin—healing you is completely painless for me. It only hurts you. Also, I get paid."

"The Hogwarts Library is payment enough for me," chuckled Remus.

"Good, because you're spending at least twenty-five extra minutes with me. You just apologized four times, and you know very well that I don't abide your incessant apologizing in my Hospital Wing."

"Madam Pomfrey!"

Remus slept for the rest of the day, only waking up to drink water (he didn't want to, but Madam Pomfrey insisted). Eventually, Madam Pomfrey told him that it was time to go, and he sighed and changed into his transformation robes. Everything hurt even more than normal, and pain shot through his body every time he moved. He tried to focus on his steps as they walked down to the Willow, because focusing on anything else was sure to drive him insane. Right. Left. Right. Left...

He stumbled; before he could fall, he gripped Madam Pomfrey's Disillusioned shoulder and held himself up. "Madam Pomfrey, I..."

"Shush," she said. She entwined her arm under his so that she could support him more securely. "Almost there."

"Maybe we—we should—should start leaving... earlier."

"Absolutely not."

"I'm s—"

"Don't apologize, or you'll be up to an extra half-hour in the Hospital Wing. Focus on walking."

Remus thought about arguing. Since he wasn't currently inside the Hospital Wing, he was technically allowed to apologize without being fined for it. But he didn't quite have the voice for that, so he only imagined the situation in his head. "Wow, you're right," Madam Pomfrey would say. "Feel free to apologize as much as you want. And guess what? I just got a call from the Minister, and they've found the cure for lycanthropy!"

Okay, she definitely wouldn't say any of that. Remus stopped focusing on impossible fantasies and began to focus on walking. Right, left. Right, left. Right, left.

It felt like ages before they finally arrived in the Shrieking Shack—but at the same time, it felt like no time had passed at all. As soon as they stepped into the Shack, Madam Pomfrey removed the Disillusionment Charms, and Remus collapsed into the armchair, limbs burning angrily. Dumbledore had mended the furniture again. He did that after every full moon—last year, they'd decided that it was far better for Remus to attack the furniture than himself.

Madam Pomfrey gave Remus a look that was permeated with pity, and Remus tried not to cringe. "Let me stay and wait with you a bit, Remus," she said. "There's plenty of time before the moon rises, and I don't want you working yourself into a state."

"No."

"Just for ten minutes so that I can get you situated and make sure you're okay."

"No."

"Five minutes."

"No."

"Two minutes."

"No. Leave. Right now."

She sighed. "Do you have your book?"

"Yes. Now leave."

"Are you—"

"I'm fine, Madam Pomfrey!" The words came out more harshly than he'd intended, and Remus made amends with a very fake smile. "I'm fine, Madam Pomfrey. Please go."

"Very well."

Remus closed his eyes and waited until she was gone, and then he slid out of the armchair and onto the floor, because it wasn't comfortable to transform on furniture. He wouldn't cry this time, though. Not this time. He could do this. Tomorrow morning, he'd be a person again, and then he wouldn't have to worry about any of this for a whole month.

He picked up his book and waited. Outside, the moon rose steadily and ominously, and Remus tried with all his might not to think of it.

Remus opened his eyes blearily and blinked against the sunlight streaming through the slat in the boards. He was numb all over—as he typically was directly after a full moon—but he still tried to sit up before Madam Pomfrey came to fetch him. The first order of business was wiggling his fingers... but they wouldn't move.

They wouldn't move.

He scrunched up his face and tried again. They still wouldn't move. He started to panic. He had to move—he had to remind himself that he was in human form—he had to get situated on two legs—he had to sit up—the nightmare wasn't over until he sat up!

He struggled for a second, and his breath came short and shallow. Come to think of it, he couldn't move at all. Had he even transformed back? He felt like a person—but he couldn't see anything but the ceiling, so he wasn't sure.

No, he was a person! He remembered turning back, so he had to be a person, because he didn't feel like a wolf, and he definitely didn't want to attack anyone—he just wanted to read a book in the Hospital Wing and take a nap. He never wanted to do anything like that as a wolf. So he had to be transformed back, right?

He tried to sit up again; this time, his hand twitched. That was a start. He wiggled his fingers—he couldn't feel them, no, but he doubted they were paws. He put his palms on the floor and pushed himself into a sitting position very, very slowly.

Okay. He was fine. Everything was fine. Wolves couldn't sit up like this, so Remus finally felt like a human once again.

He saw Madam Pomfrey enter and mumbled a greeting. She shook her head, exasperated. "Good morning to you, too, Mr. Lupin, although you really shouldn't be sitting up." With that, she moved his robes aside... and suddenly made a small noise.

"What did I-I d-do?" asked Remus, and his voice was raspier than James' was after a Quidditch match.

When Madam Pomfrey spoke, her voice was harsh in a You're-In-Trouble-Mr.-Lupin sort of way. "Don't speak," she said. "Remus, you shouldn't be sitting up. You really shouldn't. Did you notice this at all?"

"No, I c-can't feel..."

"It was a rhetorical question. Don't speak. You're bleeding rather badly... and..." She waved her wand silently for a few minutes, and seemed to be putting pressure on a wound. Remus didn't feel it.

"Can you k-keep talk... ing?"

"If it helps, but you have to stop talking yourself. You're going to need more Skele-Gro tonight, I'm afraid—your right leg needs to be regrown from scratch. And you tore some muscles, I think. You seem to have... can you move your legs?"

Remus tried. He could not. He tried to shake his head, but that wasn't really working out, either.

"I take that as a 'no'. Probably a spinal cord injury. How on earth did you sit up to begin with? Don't answer that. Are you dizzy? You can just blink twice for yes."

Remus blinked four times.

"Very dizzy, then. Take a deep breath in... and out. That's not very even. I think..." She trailed off again. "Maybe a..." She mumbled a few spells. "All right, then, your spine should be more or less healed. I've completely removed one of the smaller bones in your right leg—too many broken parts. You may walk, but only if you're very careful. And you've only one working leg, so you'll have to lean on me. You've a rather awful gash on your side, but it's mostly sealed up with the Dittany." She stood up and reached out a hand, and Remus took it gratefully. The pain was gradually coming back, and he nearly cried out. "All right, Lupin?"

"Yesssss."

"Good. Let me know if you need to stop; I can always levitate you."

Remus very much did not want to be levitated, so he leaned heavily against Madam Pomfrey and focused on every step, just as he had the night prior. Left... sort-of-right... left... sort-of-right...

"It's not great, Remus," said Madam Pomfrey as they walked. "But it's not awful, either. Certainly not as bad as it could have been. You seem to have relaxed very admirably before the transformation."

"Thanks, I think," said Remus, and his words were alarmingly slurred due to all the blood in his mouth. There was a bit of fur under his tongue, and he spat it out immediately. "How long will I have to stay in the Wing?"

He could almost feel her rolling her eyes. "Too early to tell. Probably three days, at least—more, depending. But it's not as bad as the first December full moon last year, so that's saying something."

"Three days is too much," grumbled Remus. He lost focus on his walking and promptly stumbled—but he managed to catch himself—and he clenched his teeth against the horrible pain. It was positively all-consuming and blinding.

"You are the only person I have ever met that is as injured as you are and still thinking about going back to class," Madam Pomfrey said, shaking her head and tightening her grip around Remus' shoulders. "Now stop talking or I'll Silence you, got it?"

Remus got it.

AN: I love the Girl Scouts and all. Great organization. But... Thin Mints are absolutely disgusting. Just saying.