James and Sirius and Peter were finally back from the Hospital Wing. According to the whispered rumors that Remus picked up as he wandered the corridors alone, an "incident" that involved an Antler-Growing Hex, a dead fish, and spinach had extended their stay. Remus didn't dare ask.
But, even after the Glorious Return of the Marauders, the nearly-empty school remained ominously quiet. The Marauders spent the next few days doing the old sort of thing—watching James practice Quidditch, laughing in their dormitory, chasing each other around in the chill of autumn—but even that got old. Eventually, Remus finally convinced his friends to go to the library with him so that they could have a quiet place to read, because Remus had been craving a quiet atmosphere to match the quiet, student-deprived feel of the place. A quiet Hogwarts felt out of place in the courtyard and corridor, but it felt so right in the library. It felt normal, and Remus loved normality.
James, who apparently did not love normality, came in a full disguise—about as subtle as a Yeti in summer—but it was better than nothing.
"James, no one is in here," said Remus. "Not one person. You have no reason to be embarrassed for being in the library."
"Shhhh!" said Madam Pince, who was, unfortunately, still healthy as a whistle.
"I don't care," said James. "It's the principle of the thing." Then he leaned over to Sirius and Peter and mouthed something—Remus, who had very good hearing, thought it sounded suspiciously like Phase One Initiate—whatever that was supposed to mean.
"So what are we doing in here?" said Sirius, leaning back in his chair and balancing it expertly on two legs. "Having a rough time in school, Remus?"
Remus wrinkled his nose. "A what? Why are you talking like that?"
"You know. Rough. A rough time."
"No. I'm fine. I'm more worried about you and James, academics-wise, because neither of you have studied a lick since first year. You've ended up doing well, though, so I suppose there's no reason to be worried. Anyway... no, I'm okay. I just think that reading up on a subject or two could be fun. Relaxing, you know?" Remus didn't want to explain how normal the library felt in the middle of the schoolwide silence. His friends would never understand.
And besides, they didn't seem to care much. "But I'm dog tired," moaned James. Which was odd, because that was an expression Remus had never heard James use before.
"We can go back to the dormitory if you want, James."
"Nah, it's fine. If you want to work your tail off, we won't stop you."
There was muffled giggling, and Remus raised one eyebrow. "Are you going to play a prank on me? I know those looks."
"You're barking mad," said Peter, and James covered his mouth with his hand to stifle laughter.
"I've never heard you be that direct, Peter," said Remus slowly. "Er... if you're done being weird... why don't we start on Pensley's homework? I really can't describe how happy it makes me that we're finally doing what I want for once. We never do what I want, it seems. And you might find it fun!" Remus considered. "No, homework isn't really all that fun. But you might find it relaxing to be free for the rest of the break without homework looming above your heads, at least!"
"Yeah, we know your dogma," said Sirius, and he stressed a very odd part of the sentence that wasn't normally stressed.
Remus raised his eyebrow again. "Are you sure that the virus didn't travel to your brain and turn you mad?"
"Don't bite our heads off," said James indignantly.
"Yeah, we'll work just as doggedly as you from now on," said Sirius.
"How'll we ever catch up?" said Peter.
More muffled giggling.
"Hard work, I expect..." said Remus, looking at his friends quizzically.
"I'm gonna need you to pause for a second," said James, holding up a hand and also holding back laughter. "We don't do hard work."
"We're positively lazy," said Sirius.
"Revising is impossible," added Peter.
"But we'll make an effort," finished James.
Suddenly, Remus regretted coming to the library at all. "Why are you talking so weirdly?"
"Our bark is worse than our bite," said James solemnly.
"I don't think you used that expression quite correctly, James."
"Yeah, I don't really understand either," said Sirius. "In fact, I can't make heads or tails of it."
Even more muffled laughter.
Remus sighed. "Is this just the way you speak now? Is it a Marauders thing? Stressing random words and syllables?"
"Yeah, it's the new thing," said James. "Pretty newfangled, but I like it."
"Furthermore..." said Peter, but he couldn't get anything else out because he was laughing too hard.
"You are playing a prank on me," said Remus. "There's no other explanation. I know you three, and I am not playing your games. I'm far too tired. Have fun in the library on your own." He gathered his books and started walking away.
"Looks like we'd better pack up, too..." said James, and then the three of them started laughing so hard that Madam Pince kicked them all out anyway.
Remus had expected to storm off in a classy sort of way in protest of the stupid new way of speaking that his friends had adopted, but he'd been far too lonely over the past few days to carry out his plan. Instead, he agreed to come watch James practice Quidditch more (as long as they stopped talking like idiots), and his friends agreed dutifully. They spent the next hour and a half outdoors—it was chilly, but Remus had fun anyway.
His friends were the best kinds of idiots ever.
"Phase Two initiate," whispered James over breakfast the next morning, and Remus rolled his eyes.
"I don't know what you mean by 'Phase Two', James, but if you're going to start talking like idiots again, then I'm leaving."
"Nah," said Sirius. "We just wanted to discuss werewolves."
Remus tried very, very hard not to go pale or drop his fork. In through his nose. Out through his mouth. "Why?" he said, his voice barely reaching above a whisper.
"I wouldn't be asking you, 'cept Dad's taking a survey." James rolled his eyes. "Stupid Dad. So what's your opinion on werewolves?"
"Ah..." Remus fumbled for the right words to say—words that wouldn't raise suspicion—words that sounded believable despite being lies—words that didn't contradict any of his past lies. "Don't have much of an opinion," he decided. "I've never met one or anything, obviously. I only know what I've learned from books—and you know, common sense. But I haven't thought about the subject a lot."
"So think about it now."
"Er..." Oh, fiddlesticks. "Well, I know that they're bloodthirsty monsters twenty-four-seven, deserving of nothing but death, intent on securing human prey and leading them to their deaths on the night of the full moon."
"Sheesh," said James, running a hand through his hair. "Bit of a radical view there, mate."
Remus panicked. He'd tried to be harsh so as to divert suspicion, but perhaps he hadn't been harsh enough... "Is there another view?" he asked, hoping to glean some hints about how exactly James felt about werewolves.
"Dad thinks that they're just like anyone else. And John mentioned that good werewolves could be a possibility in class last year. It's not like you to ignore what we learned in class, especially stuff from John. And I don't know what you mean by 'I don't think about werewolves'. You said it was a sensitive subject. You know, since your dad works at the D.R.C.M.C."
Fiddlesticks! Remus was making some pretty careless mistakes today. Who could blame him, though? He hated being put on the spot! "Er... it is a sensitive subject!" he tried. "And that's why I don't think about it! I suppose they could be just like anyone else, but I don't really care. Er... if they kill people, they should be killed, right?"
"I don't think so," said Sirius, his eyes boring through Remus' skin.
"Do you really think so?" said Peter.
"I don't know," said Remus with a short laugh. "Let people more intelligent than me handle it, that's my motto." He was painfully aware that he was shaking, so he sat on his hands. "I believe what the experts believe. But if you lot are so intelligent, then what are your views?"
"I think that werewolves are just like humans except once a month," said Sirius.
"I think that werewolves are cool," said James.
"I think that werewolves should have rights like the rest of us," said Peter.
Remus' heart warmed up... and then immediately went cold. They wouldn't think that for much longer. Everybody changed their mind when they actually met a werewolf. Right now, werewolves to Remus' friends were bogeymen—they were a threat, but they were distant. They were real in the sense that they believed in them, but they weren't really real. Werewolves, to James and Sirius and Peter, were merely ink on the pages of the DAD textbook. People didn't often become hostile toward werewolves until they actually came face-to-face with one, because it was then that the bogeyman became real. When the bogeyman became real to Remus' friends—when they found out once and for all what Remus was—their hostility would increase tenfold.
"Yeah, sure," mumbled Remus. "Could you explain your Quidditch position to me again, James?"
James' eyes lit up, and werewolves were forgotten... though Remus did get strange looks through the rest of breakfast. He couldn't think why; he thought that he'd handled the subject mostly admirably.
"Phase Three initiate," whispered James.
"James Potter," said Remus dangerously, "you explain what's going on to me right this instant..."
"We're going to do what you want all day today."
Remus blinked. "Me?"
"Yes, you. You mentioned in the library yesterday that you were happy that we were finally doing what you wanted and not dragging you along to something that you don't really like. And then we sort of ruined it with our... joke. With the weird speaking."
"You kinda did," muttered Remus.
"So now we're going to do it for real. What do you want to do today?"
"Hm." A smile spread across Remus' face. "I'm tempted to do things all day that I know you hate, just to spite you."
James looked like he regretted his decision.
"But I won't. First, I'd like to bring breakfast up to Madam Pomfrey. I'm sure she's busy, and we can't catch the wizard flu again—you know, since we just had it. Come on." They piled a plate high with things that Remus had seen Madam Pomfrey eating, and then they delivered it to the Hospital Wing. Sure enough, Madam Pomfrey (who had bags under her eyes and looked exhausted) was very thankful.
Next, they stayed in the dormitory and read quietly for two hours. Well, Remus and James and Peter read quietly. Sirius was locked in the lavatory because he couldn't sit still, where he took a very long shower and then started practicing his handstand. Then Remus made him stop because he didn't want poor Madam Pomfrey to have even more work on Sirius' account.
When James lifted his wand to hex an unsuspecting first-year, he actually stopped under Remus' stern look (which was good, because Remus wasn't feeling brave enough to say anything aloud). When the Marauders walked places, they took the long way so that they would not have to walk past Remus' least favorite places (the Potions classroom, the DAD classroom, and the Arithmancy classroom—the former because of the stench, and the latter two because of the people who could be categorized as "stench"). When they went outdoors, they did not play Quidditch; instead, they walked to Hagrid's and stayed for hours, listening to stories of magical creatures and telling a few of their own. Hagrid thought that their jokes were hilarious, and he was particularly fond of Sirius, who ate everything that Hagrid offered him without question.
"How are you doing that?" Remus hissed to Sirius once Hagrid had left the hut to fetch more ingredients from what Remus suspected was a firepit. "His cooking is disgusting, and I've taken countless disgusting potions for my illness. But you're not even hesitating!"
"Pureblood delicacies have trained me for this all my life," said Sirius through a mouthful of rock cakes. "Compared to toasted quail eyeballs with moldy fish cheese, this is a tasty treat."
After visiting Hagrid's, they had a duel in the common room, and Remus actually won (though, granted, he had quite a few advantages after his lessons with Questus). They visited Madam Pomfrey again and helped distribute potions. They spent time in the common room talking with other Gryffindors and reading by the flames. Finally, it was eight o'clock, and the Marauders were sitting on the floor of the dormitory and talking.
"Phase Four initiate," said James quietly, but Remus stopped him.
"I rather liked Phase Three," said Remus with a grin. "Let's stay on that one for a bit longer."
James looked at Sirius. Sirius looked at James. Peter looked at all of them... and then, finally, James shrugged and nodded. "Anything else you want to do, mate?" he asked.
"I'd like to sneak out to the Forbidden Forest."
"WHAT?" cried Sirius. "Voluntarily? No coaxing at all?"
"Yes. It's fun."
With that, James leaped up and hugged Remus tightly. "I knew you'd come around!" His hand brushed against Remus' shoulder, and Remus flinched. James let go immediately, regret spreading across his face (but it was gone in an instant: perhaps it was only Remus' imagination), and then he said, "Let's go and break the rules—just like Remus asked us to!"
So the Marauders ambled around the Forbidden Forest until eleven. They had a picnic, duelled again, climbed trees, chased each other around, and thoroughly tuckered Remus out. When they returned to the dormitory, all four Marauders were smiling and breathing heavily.
"That was glorious," Remus said, stretching out on his bed and rubbing his sore muscles. "Does Phase Four involve sleeping? Because that sounds good to me."
"...No," said James. "No, it doesn't. It won't, I mean. Well. Er. It's actually... you know, it's late. We'll talk tomorrow."
Remus yawned. "Oh, just tell me. I'd like to know what's coming... and I also want to know what all these Phases are for. Is it an early Christmas present? Is it a joke of some sort? Are you bribing me? What on earth is going on?"
"Let's wait," said Peter, and his voice was so soft that Remus almost missed it.
"No, we're doing this now," said Sirius. "Phase Four."
Remus sat up, holding his collar to his neck so that it didn't slide down and reveal any scarring. "You three are mad. I don't know why you're pranking me. I've only ever been nice to you."
"Nice isn't the word," scoffed Sirius, and James hit him.
"Okay, maybe I've been a bit sarcastic at times, but does that really constitute..."
"It's not a prank."
"Okay. Then spill. What. Is. Going. On?"
"We just wanted to ask you some questions," said James uncomfortably. "About... you know. Your mum."
"I thought we'd put that matter to rest, James," sighed Remus, because he was too tired to come up with more excuses. Really. He just wanted to sleep, for goodness' sake.
"We know the truth now," said James uncomfortably.
Remus wasn't too bothered. "Doubt that," he said airily. "Didn't work out the last few times you 'knew the truth'. Come on, James. I've already told you the truth. Why can't you just accept that I'm not a pathological liar?"
"Accio," said James, and Remus' wand flew out of his bag.
"I wasn't even armed, James! What the heck!"
"Silencio," said James, and then Remus couldn't make a sound. He started panicking. Did they actually know? Were they going to try to kill him? He wasn't even going to get to say goodbye to his family! He remembered the argument that he'd had with his parents back in August and sighed. His parents were going to be proved right! Ugh, he really didn't want to be wrong. He also really didn't want the main course at the Great Hall to be steak again... oh, he was being stupid. It was funny: in times of great duress, Remus often found that his priorities were all backwards.
James cast the Door-Locking Charm and the Soundproofing Charm and then sat on his bed. The other Marauders followed, and Remus narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms tightly.
"Listen, Remus, we want you to listen first and not interrupt us..." said Sirius.
Remus could feel his heart rate speeding up as his priorities, along with his flight-or-flight response, finally caught up with him. His so-called best friends were going to kill him. They were actually going to kill him. How were they going to do it? Were they going to strangle him? Set a fire? Smother him with a pillow? They were armed and he wasn't. Drop something heavy on his head? Would they actually attempt the Killing Curse? Would they torture him to death? His hands were shaking now. He was going to die. He was going to die, and he hadn't even gotten a chance to fight back.
"We're not going to hurt you," said Sirius.
"I... don't think he's comfortable," said Peter. Peter stood up with a creak of the bedsprings and sat next to Remus. Remus scooted away and pointed to his throat. "Perhaps the Silencing Charm was a little much, James...? He won't be able to listen if he's scared," said Peter.
James nodded and removed the Silencing Charm with a flick of his wand. "You still have to listen, Remus. Got it?"
Remus nodded slowly, and he was relaxing significantly. Peter was sitting next to him, so they didn't know. They were just playing a prank. Peter reached out and grasped Remus' hand, and Remus took it gratefully. Peter was touching him. They didn't know. They wouldn't kill him. "Sorry. I don't like being Silenced," said Remus.
"Yeah, sorry," said James, rubbing the back of his neck. "It was a bit much, I know. I just thought it would help."
"Well, it definitely didn't. And besides, I don't want to be asked questions. I told you: I don't like to think about it. And you said that you didn't care about my background."
"I don't. I just want to tell you that I know what your background is. But I don't care about it, I promise."
"You're right; you do know what my background is. I've told you. Multiple times."
"Shut it, Lupin!" said Sirius explosively, and Remus shut up. "Stop interrupting or I'll Silence you again. Just listen. You get ill a few days before the full moon and then you're gone on the day of and a few days after."
"My mum's not a werewolf..."
"Yeah, we know. But she's not the one who's ill. We've seen her and she's not."
"It's on-and-off-again..."
"She's not the one who's ill because you are."
"Of course I am, we both are, both me and my mum..."
"No. Only you. We saw your mum on the full moon, and she's not a werewolf. But we didn't see you."
"I was sleeping." Panic was rising in Remus chest. This was actually happening. This thing that he'd feared for years was actually happening. He tried to control his emotions, like Professor Questus had said... but his hands were still shaking... so he took his hand out of Peter's, who was still gripping it tightly, and sat on it again to quell the shaking. Peter put his hand on Remus' knee, and Remus relaxed, because that meant they didn't know. They only suspected, and they didn't want to believe it... because Peter was touching Remus, so they didn't know. There was still a chance. There was always a chance.
"You come back from the full moons all scratched up. You've never explained that," said James, jumping in.
"I have to pick potions ingredients for my mum. It's thorny."
"We asked Professor Sprout while you had the flu. There are no thorny plants that can't be healed with magic and are used medicinally."
"I just don't like them being healed. Healing spells and potions scare me because of my mum."
"You get nervous whenever we talk of werewolves..."
"I'm scared of them."
"My dad saw you at the Werewolf Registry..."
"My dad works there!"
"You have a good sense of smell and hearing..."
"I just do! It's genetic!"
"You have bites and scratches all over you."
"The mean dog, remember?"
"You got ill when I brought wolfsbane up to the dormitory..."
"I already was. Wasn't the wolfsbane's fault."
"And we read one of your letters," finished James uncomfortably. "Which confirmed it. I'm sorry, Remus, it's over. We know for a fact that you're a werewolf and nothing you say will convince us otherwise."
Remus thought of the letter he'd found underneath his bed with a fresh wave of panic. He'd been a little scared when he'd realized that he had left it out in the open instead of under lock and key and protective hex, but his friends hadn't treated him any differently, so he'd thought nothing of it. But... oh, fiddlesticks. No. It wasn't over. He could work himself out of this, he always had.
"What are you saying?" he asked, and his voice was wavering more than Pensley's hair did in the wind.
"You're a werewolf," chirped Peter, who was still sitting next to Remus and touching him.
"That's ridiculous. Do you even hear yourself?"
"Yeah, and it makes sense," said James.
"What about the time that I sat and stood watch over the Shrieking Shack with you?" said Remus. He'd been saving this bit of information: his secret weapon. "On the full moon. What about that?"
Sirius' eyes got wide. "Right! What was the day?"
"December first," said James.
Remus closed his eyes. Curse James' good memory. He heard pages flipping as Sirius checked the lunar charts, and then his heart sank as Sirius made a small "ah-ha!" noise. "You gave us the wrong date! That wasn't the full moon. That was the day before. You sly dog!"
"Haha," said James. "Dog."
Remus' heart sank even lower. "I must have gotten it wrong," he said quietly. "The date, I mean. I'm not a werewolf, so it makes sense that I don't know the dates of full moons..."
"You're definitely, definitely a werewolf," said James forcefully. "And we don't want you lying to us anymore. It's over; just accept it. We know for a fact. We are certain. Give it up."
And they did—they knew for certain—and Remus knew it.
But he could try one more thing.
"Ahaha," he laughed weakly. "It was an overly elaborate prank the whole time. I got you."
"Nice try," said Sirius, rolling his eyes, and then Remus gave it up for good.
This was it.
It really was over.
All of Remus' lies, all of Remus' coaching from Questus, all that he had done to keep it a secret... it hadn't even lasted him through second year. His parents had been right. He would have to go home. His friends would tell everyone. He was never going to get a job. His life was officially over, and it was all because he was too stubborn to stay home when his parents had requested. His time at Hogwarts was over, he hadn't even gotten his O.W.L.s, it had all been useless, and now he was going to have a miserable life... if his friends didn't kill him first, which was still a very real possibility. That might actually be merciful.
Remus was suddenly aware of Peter's hand on his knee, and he shoved Peter away and scrambled off of his bed. He was surrounded by his friends and the window and memories of things that he would never have again, and he hated it. He felt so cornered, and he quite literally was. It was three against one—hundreds against one, if one counted the Ministry, the general public, and the memories that would bombard Remus for the rest of his short life. This was it.
He tried to savor the Hogwarts dormitory for what might be the last few minutes of his life, but he couldn't... not with his wildly beating heart and shaking hands. Peter stood up and started walking towards him, but Remus shoved Peter away again and bit the inside of his cheeks until he tasted blood (which brought back memories of full moons past and didn't help matters one bit). "Don't touch me," Remus said, his voice breaking a bit.
James made a motion as if to get up, but Sirius gripped his shoulder and prevented it. "Mate..."
"Nope," said Remus, even though he had no idea what James had been about to say. "No. I'm sorry. I'll leave and you won't ever have to see me again. Give me five minutes to pack up..." Remus glanced at his messy bed and chuckled wryly, in spite of everything. "Well, ten minutes, because I haven't cleaned in a while. Ten minutes and I'll be packed up and ready to go, and then you won't ever have to see me again. I'll give you my photo album. You can take my notebook. Burn all the photographs of me. I don't care. I'm so sorry for ruining your peaceful Hogwarts experience, and I'll go home right away. Just... don't tell anyone. That's all I ask. Not the Ministry... not anyone in the school... not your families... I'm leaving, I swear. It's not a full moon and I'm not dangerous, and I promise I won't ever... I don't know. Seek revenge or anything. You're completely safe. Just let me go and don't tell anyone. Please, please, please. I know it's a lot to ask..." He noticed James' wand in his hand and winced. "If you're going to kill me, you might as well do it now. Don't make me wait."
"Kill you?" said James, horrified. "No! We told you already; don't you listen? We don't care. We like you anyway and we want to keep being your friend."
Remus blinked. "Really?"
"Absolutely. We know who you are. You're Remus John Lupin and you're our friend. We couldn't care less about the fact that you're not yourself once a month."
"All... of you?" said Remus, his head light. This had to be a prank. Had to be—had to be! "None of you care?"
"Yep," said Sirius. "I mean, no. I mean, those questions were phrased in the sort of way that I can't really answer either yes or no, but... I promise we don't care. And, for the record, I am so sorry about everything I said about werewolves. I didn't know, I swear! And now that I do, I can say for certain that they are just like everyone else."
Remus shook his head. His friends really didn't understand... but that was probably a good thing. "So you'll let me leave quietly?" he asked, heart hammering.
"No, we want you to stay. We still like you."
Remus breathed—in through his nose, out through his mouth—and tried to take it in. They didn't know all the details. They didn't know anything, really, except that he was a werewolf... but honestly? They didn't even know what a werewolf was, it seemed. But they liked him. They liked him anyway!
Even though it was terribly undignified, Remus sat on the floor—legs folded—because he was rather afraid that he was going to faint, and he didn't want to hit his head on top of everything else. He'd never even dared imagine this scenario. It hadn't crossed his mind once. If there was hope for Sirius, there was hope for the rest of the wizarding world, wasn't there? Perhaps he would get a job someday. Perhaps he would find real friends when he was older. There was hope, and there hadn't been hope for a very long time.
And that, to Remus Lupin, meant the world.
"I thought you'd hate me," he said. He felt a bit like he should be crying, but he couldn't summon the tears—he thought that perhaps his tear ducts, like the rest of his body, were in shock. He wasn't complaining, of course. It was terribly embarrassing to cry in front of his friends. "I've never known anyone who... who liked me anyway," he continued, "who didn't know from the very start and my being a werewolf was the basis of our relationship, that is..." His breathing was rather uneven, and each breath felt like a knife to the throat. "Oh, I am so relieved. I've been so scared this whole time. Petrified. I thought you'd tell everyone and my life would be ruined. Thank you so much."
"No problem, mate!" said James. "So now we can put all this behind us? You're a werewolf, we're your friends, and things will just proceed as normal?"
Remus wiped his suspiciously dry eyes, breathed a shuddery sigh, and then stood up. He picked up his books and put them in his trunk.
James looked at him sharply. "Wait. What are you doing?"
"Packing," said Remus, totally numb. Paradoxically, he had a very strong feeling of emotionlessness.
"But... we said that we didn't care."
"Yes, and I'm thankful," said Remus, and his voice was alarmingly flat. "But I care. I can't be friends with people who know about me, because I'm dooming you to a life that you shouldn't have to live. There's a reason that adults are the only ones who know."
"You're not an adult."
"I've been trained to deal with this since I was very young."
Remus' friends did not seem satisfied with that. "Remus!" said Peter desperately. "We like you anyway and we want to be your friends!"
"We can't all get what we want."
"That's not fair!"
"Life isn't fair."
"You can't just leave us!" said Sirius. "We've known forever! Months! And nothing went wrong!"
Remus thought back to the odd looks, Sirius pausing after saying "I know", the questioning about werewolves, James' insistence that he wasn't curious anymore... "I'm so stupid," Remus said, his voice strangled. "Months? You... how long have you..."
"End of September," said James proudly. "Well, for me. Sirius and Peter got it later."
"I got it only a few days after you!" protested Sirius.
"You were completely oblivious, Remus. We were super obvious. You didn't even get it when we told you all those wolf puns in the library. We've been warming you up to Phase Four all day!"
"Wolf puns in the...? Oh, that's what those were. Oh, no. You've known for... months."
"Yep."
"And wolf puns? Really? That was the stupidest, dumbest... oh, Merlin's pigtails. You're so stupid."
"Yep," said James, who looked rather proud of himself.
"I'm so stupid."
"Yep, kinda. But the good kind of stupid."
"I'm so stupid," repeated Remus, folding his clothes and placing them into his trunk. He grabbed his robes and retreated to the lavatory to change. He heard his friends discussing him, but his ears were ringing too much to listen properly. And he didn't care, frankly, because none of this would matter when he was finally home with his parents and Professor Questus and Garrison and... books... and boredom.
He emerged from the lavatory, robes straight and pajamas folded. He vaguely listened to his dormmates' protests as he silently finished packing... and then he locked his trunk with a click and stood up, turning to James. "May I have my wand?"
"No!"
"Very well. I didn't expect you to give it back anyway." He looked at Sirius, then James, then Peter. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I really am. But I can't be friends with people who know. It's embarrassing, it's shameful, and I'll have to deal with the guilt of dragging you into this all my life. Hogwarts has been stressful anyway. I'm tired of lying, and I want to go home. Now is a good time, that's all. Call it the last straw, if you will... it's not your fault, I promise."
Peter was crying. But he would get over it, because Remus was only one person. "I'll fail all my classes without you!" Peter said.
"You won't. Find someone else to be the fourth Marauder. It shouldn't be hard."
"Shouldn't be hard?" James said incredulously. "Wow. That self-loathing gets really annoying."
"I mean..."
"I know what you meant, and I disagree."
"It doesn't matter," said Remus quietly. "My point is: you're the best, James. Peter. Sirius. All three of you. Thank you. And I wish I could stay." Then he turned around and turned the doorknob (it had been locked, but Remus, like many wizards, had always been prone to accidental magic in times of great stress), and started to walk to Dumbledore's office.
He wanted to look back one last time, but he didn't. He didn't need to torture himself further, because looking back wouldn't change a thing—not when it was officially, really, totally over.
Life really wasn't fair.
Remus had already known that, of course, but it hurt anyway.
AN: After weeks of dragging this out... it's finally here! Now we just have to wait for Thursday (which, believe me, hurts me just as much as it hurts you XD). Patience is a virtue, albeit one that is often frightfully unpleasant!