Dear Remus,

John Questus told us (ordered us. Threatened us. He can be scary) to give you a week before we sent you a letter asking about how it's going, and it's been more than a week (finally!). We know you're going through a lot and may not want to talk to us, but we'd really appreciate it if you'd give us the general play-by-play. Dad and I are horribly worried about you (even though I know you don't like to hear that), and knowing that the full moons are often made worse by stress (and I know you don't like to hear that, either) is making it hard to stop worrying. Please at least let us know if you're happy (and kindly disregard the parenthetical overkill).

I know that Questus said something or other that made you want to stay at Hogwarts, but you don't have to at all. You can come home whenever you'd like, dear. We'll be happy to see you, and we'll be happy if you stay—it's your decision and we love you no matter what.

Remus folded up the letter from his mother and stuck it in his pocket before picking up the Prophet and starting to scan the headlines. He didn't even notice that James was staring at him until James cleared his throat rather loudly.

"Yes, James?" said Remus; he was rather embarrassed that James had been looking at him and he hadn't even noticed. Weren't werewolves supposed to be some level of observant, what with the advanced senses and all? Remus didn't like acting like a werewolf in any way, but failing to do so still made him feel a bit inferior sometimes.

"You can read that, you know," said James, gesturing towards the letter in Remus' pocket. "Properly. Since we know."

"In case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a crowded Hall," responded Remus dryly, and Sirius snorted into his pumpkin juice.

"Sarcastic Remus is my favorite Remus," said Sirius. "I'm glad you're less jumpy than you were a week ago."

Remus smiled a bit. "All right, now stop talking about it—again, we're in the middle of a crowded hall. Er... did you two finish the homework for Pensley? Peter and I just barely got done with it."

"No," James and Sirius chorused.

"She'll be very angry with you."

"Oh, please. She's been angry with us since the decoration prank," said Sirius. "She really likes Peter, though. And you, kind of. Sometimes. I can't tell."

James was furiously scribbling in the notebook he'd been carrying about, and Remus sighed. That was the notebook James used to write down werewolf questions, so it was probably another question for tonight. With Remus' luck, it was an extremely awkward question, and probably about Pensley, which was Remus' least favorite thing to talk about.

"Anyway," said Remus, "let's go get down to DAD before she gets even more angry. I think we're reading Shakespeare again today, and you know how good James is at that. She'll murder you if you're late."

"Probably know a thing or two about that, eh, mate? Murder?" said Sirius very quietly. James did not appear to hear him, but Remus did. He met Sirius' eyes, who grinned expectantly.

Remus smiled back a bit shakily and stood up, already trying to scrub the remains of the horribly insensitive joke from his memory. He didn't blame Sirius; really he didn't.

Dear Mum (and Dad; I know you're reading over Mum's shoulder),

I am fine. I am happy. My friends are being very nice about the whole thing; it just takes some getting used to. It was a bit awkward at first, but now they're okay. More than okay, I think. They really don't care one bit.

Remus was going to write more about the whole situation, but he decided that it was best to stop talking about werewolves. He didn't want to upset his parents. Instead, he wrote a few anecdotes about James playing Quidditch, Pensley being annoying, and Transfiguration going badly.

I didn't think that Transfiguration, Year Two was going to be this hard, he wrote. Year One was bad enough, but now I feel horribly inadequate at the subject. I managed to transform a beetle to a peanut the other day... but we were supposed to be turning it to a button. I feel quite sorry for my beetle. Right now I'm in my dormitory, revising for the test, and I should probably get back to that now if I want to have any hope whatsoever of passing finals in the spring.

Love,
Remus.

He folded up the letter and put it in his pocket. He'd send it later.

"Remus!" said James, bounding over to Remus' bed and sitting next to an unsuspecting Remus, who automatically tensed at the unexpected surprise. "I have questions. Werewolf questions. Werewolf question of the day!"

"Sure," said Remus, even though he felt very much like throwing James and that stupid notebook of his out a window. Remus prided himself on his restraint, however, so he managed to refrain from throwing James Potter. For now.

"Do all the teachers know? About you being a werewolf?"

"I think I've already told you that, James. All the staff know."

"How do they treat you?"

"Well... some are better than others, but they're all trying their best."

James frowned, tucking his legs underneath him as he got comfortable on Remus' bed. "I want a comprehensive list," he said. "I want you to tell me about each teacher specifically."

Remus very much did not want to do that (why would he contribute to the infamous James Potter hit list?), but he complied. "Er... Professor McGonagall's very good about it. Professor Flitwick is outstanding. Professor Dumbledore is brilliant. Professor Sprout is okay. Professor Sidus is okay. Professor Slughorn... tries his best. And Pensley's awful."

"I noticed that Pomona and Leo don't really look at you a lot."

"I think they're nervous. I couldn't blame them."

"Of course you can," snorted James. "Being afraid of a twelve-year-old. How thick can they get?"

Remus was reminded of Professor Questus, and he smiled a little. "A twelve-year-old werewolf. They're trying, James."

"They should try harder," James scoffed. "And what has Pensley done to you? You said she's 'awful'?"

Remus didn't want to talk about Pensley. "I s'pose she tries, but she doesn't really get it. That's why she meditates with me, you know. To try to cure me, and it can't be cured, so she's just wasting my time. And she called it a 'disability'. It's not a disability. And I asked her to get rid of the scented candles ages ago and she still hasn't done it. And she gives us too much homework that's difficult to complete when I'm... ill. And she didn't even know that there's a full moon every month. And..." Remus sucked in a breath through his nose, and then he let it out through his mouth. "I don't know why I dislike her," he amended. "She's really trying to help. There's just something about her personality that doesn't sit right with me. She gets on my nerves, y'know?"

"Like Sirius!" said James, and Sirius, who had been trying to transfigure James' bedcovers into an octopus, lobbed a pillow at him. "It's all right, Remus," said James, now laughing. "You're allowed to be annoyed at people, especially if they're idiotic enough to treat you badly. If you need us to string anyone up by their ankles over a vat of angry crocodiles, just say the word."

"No!" said Remus. By now, he honestly couldn't tell whether James was joking or not. "They're all trying their best, so I can't ask anything more of them."

"You're too nice," groaned Sirius. "If it were me, then somebody would be dead by now. Maybe literally."

Remus bit his lip. "Sirius, I'm not... dangerous. I wouldn't kill anyone."

"I know. That's why it's funny. It's downright hilarious, because no one would ever suspect Remus Lupin of being a werewolf."

"You did."

"Well, we're incredibly clever," said James. "Especially me."

Remus' friends still did not understand. But they were trying their best, and that was all that Remus could ask of them.

Days passed. Hogwarts was now getting ready for Christmas: sprigs of holly hung on the windows, the house-elfs had set up a tree, and music was frequently playing in some of the other dormitories and in the common room. The music annoyed Remus' sensitive hearing a little bit, but he didn't say anything.

"Are you going home for Christmas?" he asked his friends over dinner one evening (in a precautionary effort to stop them from talking about werewolves before they even started the cursed conversation).

"I am!" said Sirius joyfully. "Well, not home-home. To James'! Mum doesn't want me this year. She's angry that I didn't get re-Sorted with this year's first-years, and Regulus and Narcissa have told her plenty about how I've been behaving. Stupid snitches. Anyway, she doesn't want me back. Thinks she's punishing me." Sirius grinned. "Well, she's not. I'm overjoyed to be going with James. We're going to have such fun."

"I'm going home, too," said Peter. "Mum doesn't want me staying at Hogwarts by myself. I was going to stay this year, but she heard that Remus is going home and now I'm not allowed."

Remus blinked. He knew that Peter's mother was a bit overbearing—he'd met her in an ice-cream shop last year—but this seemed a little much. "What?"

"She thinks that you... 'keep me in line'. She's real fond of you, Remus, so I'm doing whatever you're doing."

"Wow, er... I'm sorry. You keep me in line just as much, you know."

Peter beamed. "Don't be. And do I? Well, you'll have to tell her that. She doesn't trust me with anything."

"I'm going home, too," said James, talking over Peter. "Sirius and me will have a brilliant time. Hey! You should come over, Remus! All three of us could have a grand old time!"

Time stood still. Remus could feel three pairs of eyes on him.

They knew now, why he'd been so distant. They knew everything, so Remus really had no excuse. His protective layer of lies had been shed, and now Remus actually had to say what he wanted, what he felt, with no excuses of any kind—that, to Remus' surprise, was harder than he'd ever anticipated it being. And, what was worse, his friends knew that Remus was going home to decide whether or not he was going to remain their friend. Things were awkward now.

Remus was being selfish, he knew. He had run away because he didn't want to deal with it. He had lied to them and been distant because he hadn't been able to deal with it. He was letting them down just because he didn't think he could deal with it... but perhaps he would feel less selfish if he went to James'. Should he go? Madam Pomfrey had told him to be selfish, and Remus didn't want to visit James, not really... but Professor Questus had told him that he was lying to himself if he said that he didn't want friends... but Remus' parents had told him to be careful with his secret, and Remus wasn't sure his friends could keep quiet about it in front of James' parents. What should he do? What did he want?

It was funny. Remus had been denying what he wanted for so long—putting up a front, trying to be noble, trying to protect his health and his secret and his parents—and, disturbingly enough, he didn't really know what he wanted anymore.

He decided on a compromise.

"I'll think about it," he muttered. "It's not you. You're wonderful friends, you really are. It's... I... need some time. To be alone. To think."

"You'll have some time to think," protested Sirius. "Just come over for one weekend. This is getting kind of stupid, mate. How long do you need to get used to the fact that we know you're a werewolf and don't care? When are you going to believe us? Just because you lied for a year doesn't mean that we lie to you."

"Oi!" said James. "That's not very nice, Sirius!"

"So what? I shouldn't have to prove myself to be Remus' friend, even if he is a werewolf! It's not that big of a deal; if he doesn't want us around, he doesn't want us around. Stop putting us on, mate. Do you want friends or not?"

"That's what I need to decide!" said Remus. "And please... don't mention... that! Not in a crowded Hall!"

"Decide now," said Sirius, "so that we can stop trying to make you like us more! Because as things are right now, we're all terrified of doing something wrong that'll make you run away again, and getting more annoying by the second. No one cares that you're a werewolf. It's only a big thing in your own head."

"Stop talking about it! Someone could overhear!"

"No one will overhear. It's noisy in here, I'm not talking very loudly, and no one else is close enough. Now stop stalling and decide, Remus."

"I..." Remus felt a bit like crying again. "I need time!"

"Why? You have two choices now. You'll have two choices after holidays. What is time going to do?"

"Sirius, listen to me," Remus hissed. The potential tears had evaporated, and Remus was angry now. Why was he angry? "I warned you, didn't I? I warned you that I was hesitant and emotional and wasn't used to having friends or being with anybody but my parents. And you said that it was okay, didn't you? You said that you wanted to be my friend anyway, didn't you? So this is what it's like. These are the implications. This is why I'm doing it as a trial period... for both you and for me, because it's completely different now that you know, and I'm afraid that all of us have changed a little since then. It's not going to be the same ever again and you can't force it to be. Please just... I have a lot of thinking to do and I know better how to deal with... this... than anybody else. I'm afraid my emotions right now aren't as simple as yours."

Remus heard James scribbling in the notebook, and he forced himself to breathe. In through his nose. Out through his mouth.

"I don't see how they aren't," said Sirius, refusing to give up. Merlin's beard, this boy was as stubborn as Remus. "Yes or no. Just stop making us feel like we're on thin ice, because now we're all stressed around you. Friendship isn't a lifetime commitment."

"So I've been told," muttered Remus, "but it's still a commitment nevertheless."

"Then make it."

"No! I need time! What don't you get about that?"

"To see if we're good enough?"

"To see if I'm good enough!" Remus snapped. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I thought you said that you weren't dangerous."

"It's not because I'm dangerous! It's because I'm a terrible friend! You don't understand!"

"A terrible friend? Oh? Well, you're certainly being one now! And after so many talks and questions and things... I think we do understand! We've worked ourselves half to death trying to understand! It's been ages! We've done reading, we've listened to you complain, we've watched you... we understand perfectly!"

"No, you don't." Remus leaned closer to Sirius to whisper his next few words for fear of someone in the Great Hall overhearing. "You haven't known me for very long, and you haven't known my secret for very long. We are different people, we lead different lives, we are different species. Of course you don't understand!"

Here, Remus stood up and briskly walked away from his friends, because arguments always felt better when one had the last word.

But... he wasn't sure where exactly he was walking to.

If Professor Questus had still been at Hogwarts, he'd go there... but Professor Questus wasn't there anymore. Really, Remus just wanted to go home and forget that all this ever happened, but he couldn't do that, either. He had been challenged to stay at Hogwarts until the holidays, and he was going to win.

Instead, he walked across the grounds and knocked on the door of Hagrid's hut. Hagrid opened it almost immediately. "Remus! How are yeh doing? Yeh haven't come ter see me in a while, an' I heard summat was happening with yer friends, so I was wonderin' how things were goin'!"

"They're okay," said Remus. "May I come in?"

"O' course," said Hagrid. "Careful. Fang's energetic today and I know yeh don't like him much." Remus looked warily at the dog, whose tail was wagging. He'd explained his fear of dogs (claws, but no one was being pedantic at the moment) to Hagrid a couple of months ago, and Hagrid hadn't even questioned it. Slowly, Remus sat down at the table—his heart was racing after the argument—indeed, he felt as if he'd just run a mile—and it felt good to sit down.

"So," said Hagrid, "I heard that yer friends found out."

"Yes. Do... do all the staff know?"

"Dumbledore mighta mentioned it at the last staff meeting. Knew it was goin' ter be hard for yeh and wanted the teachers to keep an eye out just in case yer friends changed their minds and were cruel to yeh."

"I feel like they're staring all the time," said Remus. "And... and I'm not human, so my life is completely different from theirs. There's so much that they don't understand... so I have to answer questions and..." He broke off. "The little revelations are the hardest. They're just constantly learning new things about me. I have to go through it over and over again."

"But they still like yeh, right?"

"Yes... I think. I'm just an awful friend. I'm too complicated, too emotional, too..."

"I'm yer friend! I like yeh!"

"Ta, Hagrid. That means a lot. But they're twelve. They don't deserve a high-maintenance friend..."

"Well, if they don't want yeh around because they're lazy, then they certainly don't deserve yeh," commented Hagrid, and Remus giggled. "I wasn't entirely human either, yeh know... but, then again, I was never all tha' different from any of my classmates, only a bit bigger. So I don't really know what yer goin' through, but I can say tha' yer friends are good and deserve a chance. If yeh like them around and they like yeh around, then I don't see what the problem is."

"Perhaps," said Remus slowly.

Suddenly, an idea hit him like a brick wall.

"Alrigh'?" said Hagrid, staring at Remus' expression (which Remus was sure looked very ridiculous).

"I am. Thank you, Hagrid." Remus stood up abruptly and left the hut. Fang whimpered, and Hagrid cocked his head.

"Wonder what tha' was about," Remus heard Hagrid mumble to himself as Remus started down the path towards the castle with newfound, reckless determination.

Remus raised his fist to the dormitory door.

Paused. Reconsidered.

And then, with an iron will, he did his Secret Marauder Knock and waited for the door to open.

He didn't have to wait long. "Remus!" said James, whipping the door open, and it came very close to hitting Remus on the nose. "We were thinking that maybe you ran away again."

Remus stepped into the dormitory and sat on his bed, trying to work up some courage. "I wouldn't do that," he said. "Well... not again, anyhow."

"Sirius has something to say," said James, nudging Sirius sharply.

Sirius crossed his arms. "No, I don't. I won't apologize. I was right."

"You were," said Remus. James opened his mouth as if to protest, but Remus held up his hand. "No, James, he was right. I've been thinking about it. I've been so focused on how hard all this is for me that I wasn't really thinking about how hard it is for you. I'm a terrible friend and I'm kind of being a git. I just... it's hard. You understand that, right?"

"Doesn't have to be," grumbled Sirius. "You're making it harder than it needs to be. It's a whole lot of drama about nothing in particular."

"I suppose... I suppose I am. It doesn't have to be this complicated, does it?"

"No. We like you. And being mates isn't some sort of huge commitment."

"Do you... still want to be my friend?" said Remus. "I know I already asked you, but I want to ask you again, just to make sure."

"Yes," said Peter and James.

"How thick can you get?" said Sirius at the same time.

"Okay," said Remus, smiling a bit and shifting in his seat. "Er... I think that maybe things will get better if I take you off the trial period, so I'm going to makeadecisionrightnow."

"What?" said Peter.

"Make a decision right now," repeated Remus. "I'd like to stay. For good. If that's all right with you."

There was a stunned silence. Remus himself could scarcely believe that he had just done that.

"Woah," said Peter. "That's great!"

"Knew you'd come around," said James with a satisfied smile.

"About time," said Sirius.

"Obviously, I'll leave if I need to," clarified Remus. "Like you said... nothing's permanent. And I reserve the right to change my mind, as do you. If you decide you don't want to be my friend anymore, even if there's no other reason except the sole basis of my being a werewolf... I'll understand and I won't be offended."

"Do shut up," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

"No, I need to say this... I need to know that you know it. My condition still makes me rather uncomfortable, and I'd appreciate it not being the defining factor of our friendship. You are not to visit me in the Hospital Wing before or after the full moon. I need space sometimes. And remember... just because I'm staying for the indefinite future doesn't take away from the fact that the future is indeed indefinite. It's not a trial period anymore, but things are subject to change... just as they are in any friendship, right?"

James' eyes were shining with happiness at the prospect of the reunification of the Marauders. "Right," he confirmed. Remus did not think that he understood, but he moved on anyway.

"I made a lot of mistakes, and I'm sorry," said Remus. "What I said before bears repeating; I've been so focused on how I'm feeling that I haven't told you recently that you're really, really, really good friends. Hardly any people would endure as much as you have from me. You do a lot for me and I've not even properly thanked you. And I'm not staying as some sort of apology—I'm staying because I really want to. You three make me happier than I've ever been in my life, and I left because I couldn't imagine Hogwarts without you. Having friends makes me so indescribably happy, and I've been ignoring that because of how afraid I was." Remus smiled and folded his hands on his lap. "Some Gryffindor I am, hm?"

"Some Gryffindor you are," James repeating, still grinning. "Those are the nicest things I've ever heard you say. Come here."

Remus didn't move.

"Wow, you are a coward," commented James. He bounded over to Remus, but instead of tackling him like he normally would have, he gently hugged him—this was the second hug since Remus had returned to Hogwarts, which was weird for a couple of twelve-year-old boys. "Don't tell anyone I did this," James said, his voice too loud in Remus' ear. "I play Quidditch now. I'm a man, and men don't hug."

"You're a twelve-year-old. You're not a man."

"A manly twelve-year-old," James informed him, and then let go quickly. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No. Don't ask that. I don't need a nanny."

"Cool," said James, but he poked Remus instead of hugging him again.

"What was that for?" said Remus, poking him back.

James refused to let Remus have the last poke, so he poked him again.

And then Peter and Sirius joined in, and the Marauders were poking each other, shrieking, and running around until Puttle came up and told them that they were disturbing the peace.

Remus realized with a jolt that—at long last—things were better than okay.

AN: Michael Buble's "Feeling Good" is SUCH an excellent song. I listened to it on repeat while editing this chapter, and that's a big deal because I hardly ever listen to music while doing something else (I get too into it lol, and it's quite distracting)