"Feel your heartbeat inside your chest," droned Pensley. "Focus on it and nothing else. You are alive. The energy of all things living runs through you, connecting you to everything else that is alive. You are connected. Bound, yet free. At peace, yet alive and awake."

Remus rolled his eyes under his closed eyelids, and then regretted the action. He was supposed to be calm. Cool. Collected. Not frustrated.

"You are just one creature on this spinning world. An invisible string connects you to every other living thing: every rock, every plant, every human."

Remus focused on James' breathing: it was a welcome alternative to focusing on Pensley's insistent use of the word "human" and "creature", unintentional reminders that Remus wasn't human himself. Suddenly, James breathing changed. "I didn't know rocks were alive," James whispered, no louder than a breath and most definitely inaudible to everyone but Remus. Remus bit his lip again, but this time it was to suppress laughter and not frustration.

"Now imagine a jungle," whispered Pensley, none the wiser to Remus and James' suppressed laughter. "Monkeys are swinging from the trees, making chit-chat noises and chomping on leaves. Chit-chit-chit-chit-chit. Chomp, chomp. Elephants walk through the forest, raising their trunks and trumpeting into the moist air. Stomp. Stomp. BPHLBPHBHPTT. A soft pattering of rain begins, dampening your hair and spotting the rich soil with moisture. Spit-spot. Patter. Pat."

Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming at this point, because Pensley was awful at sound effects... but, just as he was about to lose the fight, James' breathing changed again. "We don't have to imagine the monkeys," James breathed. "There's one sitting right next to us." Remus squinched his eyes open and glanced at James, who had one eye open and was pointing to Sirius mischievously. Remus dug his nails into his palms to stop the smile that was threatening to materialize on his face, and then both he and James closed their eyes once again before Pensley could notice.

"It continues to rain—it rains day and night, buckets upon buckets of cool water—and now you are underwater," she said. "Fish swim past you, golden and scaly. An eel slips past your arm. Dolphins squeak in the background. Eeeek. The sound of a mournful whale can be heard in the distance. Awoooo."

"So what happened to the elephants?" came James' inaudible response. "Did they drown? Poor monkeys."

That was the final straw. Remus pressed his lips together tightly, but the smile was still unmistakable. He opened one eye again and squinted at Pensley. Her eyes were closed. Remus was safe—for now.

"Breathe in. Let the air fill your lungs. You are safe here. The animals surround you, reminding you that you are a part of the world that encompasses us all."

"Yes," breathed James. "It's a great idea to take deep breaths whilst underwater."

Remus couldn't help himself. He started laughing—nearly silently, but apparently not silently enough. Curse Remus' bad judgement of just how good human hearing really was. Pensley opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm glad to see that the meditation is bringing you joy, Henry!" she said. "You usually look upset."

"I think it's the water," Remus managed, still laughing. "Maybe the water works better than the forest."

"Perhaps! Different things work for each person," said Pensley happily. "And, talking of different things, let's read some poetry. Close your eyes again, Henry. You too, Leonardo and Griffin. We're going to read 'The Rock' from Mindfulness Made Easy."

Remus remembered the comment about the rock being a living thing and could feel his chest heaving in silent laughter. James didn't seem to be doing much better. It hadn't been that funny, but Remus found that it was so much more difficult to stop laughing when he wasn't supposed to be doing it.

"The rock," said Pensley in a dreamy voice. "It is cool, round, and rough. Sediments came together to form this rock, just as people come together to form a community. Put your hand on the rock. This is the earth. The earth is made of rock and the world is made of people. This rock represents all that we are and all that we could be. Do you feel its heartbeat? Do you feel the pulse?"

"No," breathed James. "I think it's dead."

Remus needed a new method to keep himself from laughing, so he ground his teeth so tightly that he heard them squeak. He stole another glance at James, who wasn't even bothering to hide his wide grin.

The rest of the meditation session continued in the same way. Sarcastic comments started to pop up in Remus' own head, too, and he longed to share them with James... but alas, he knew that James' human hearing abilities wouldn't be able to pick them up without Pensley hearing them, too. Remus' thoughts were always sarcastic during Pensley's sessions, but this was the funny sort of sarcasm instead of the spiteful sort. His lungs started to hurt from repressed laughter, and James nearly fell over from hysterics at one point. Remus, for the first time, saw the funny side to Pensley's cliché theatrics. It was a nothing short of a miracle.

This was what Dumbledore had been talking about. Here was the perfect coping mechanism: something easy enough that turned any horrible situation into a genuinely good one. It had only taken two things to turn Pensley's torturous lessons into something that Remus—wonder of wonders—looked forward to, and those things were a combination of friends and humor. Who knew? Remus hadn't thought that anything could help him stand Pensley, but here he was, sitting through a meditation session and actually having fun!

A long while later, Pensley released Remus and his friends. "I can't believe you heard all that," said James, grinning, as they walked back to the dormitory. "I couldn't even hear myself."

Sirius groaned. "What were you two laughing about the whole time? It was horribly boring. I'm never going again, Remus."

"I was whispering jokes really really quietly," explained James, "and Remus could hear them—you know, because of his super hearing. Remus was laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe."

"I thought it was rather nice," said Peter. "The meditation, I mean. I feel relaxed."

"So do I," said Remus, and it was true: Remus Lupin was happier than he'd ever been so close to a full moon. "Thank you, James. That meant a lot."

"It was fun!" said James. "I'm going next time."

Remus didn't think that the laughter-induced pain in his chest and face was going to be pleasant come tomorrow evening, but it was worth it.

Remus woke up at four-thirty on the day of the full moon with a splitting headache. There had been no nightmares (that was great!), but his bones and muscles were throbbing with an awful sort of dull pain (that was normal).

"Remus?" whispered James. "Nightmare?"

"No," said Remus. "Full moon today."

"Do full moons always make you wake up early?"

"Yes. Bit sore. I'm going to the Hospital Wing."

James rubbed his eyes and jumped out of bed, suddenly awake. "D'you want to sit in the common room with me like the October full moon? It's the last time I'm going to see you before Christmas hols since you don't want to come to my place."

It made Remus feel a little weird that James had been keeping track of the full moons all the way back in October, but he ignored it. Besides, Remus did want company, actually, which was quite surprising. "Er, sure," he said hopefully. "If you don't mind. And it might not be the last time you see me anyway... Madam Pomfrey might let me ride the train."

"Cool." James stood up and opened the door for Remus. "Ladies first."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Har har," he said, hitting James; Bufo croaked a bit into Remus' ear in protest of the sudden movement, and Remus' bones twinged in equal protest.

James shut the door quietly so as not to disturb Sirius and Peter, and for a while, they walked to the common room in silence. As soon as they were out of earshot, James whispered, "How are you feeling, mate?"

"Fine," said Remus. "It's like this every month, James. S'nothing new or anything. I'm used to it."

"Yeah, I figured. You just looked so ill month before last that I suppose I was a little worried."

They made their way to the common room. Remus took the couch, and James plopped into an armchair. "October was worse than normal," said Remus, trying to find a comfortable position on the couch, "but this is normal."

And it was true. Everything hurt, but not as it had in October—it merely hurt about as much as it did on the typical month. Remus stretched his legs out on the couch and massaged his forehead. "I wake up and go to the Hospital Wing, mostly," he explained. "On full moon days, I mean. Madam Pomfrey wakes up early on the day of the full moon, and sometimes she'll give me a Sleeping Draught if I can't sleep. I have a system. A schedule. It's not too bad."

"What does it feel like?" asked James quietly.

"The Sleeping Draught? Feels like sleep."

"No, idiot. The full moon. Right now."

Remus looked at James, who had such a bedhead that Remus had to try very hard not to laugh (it felt inappropriate given the circumstances). James' grave expression looked absolutely silly under his ratty hair, and Remus struggled to keep his expression straight for a moment before the subject matter sapped all the giddiness from his body. "Different every time," he said. "My head usually hurts. Fatigue, but sometimes I can't get to sleep on my own. Muscles hurt." Remus held up his hand. "See, my fingers are twitching. Hurts to move. Stomachache, sometimes. Nausea. Heightened senses to the point that I can't be in the same room as food or it'll make me sick... so I don't eat anything the day of, which doesn't do much for the nausea. It'll just keep getting worse throughout the day. Mostly right now I'm just sore. It feels like my bones are bruised or something. I can't—" Remus shifted his position on the couch— "can't get comfortable."

"Wow," said James, his eyes filled with pity. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't pity me, James. I'm used to it."

James didn't stop pitying Remus; Remus could practically taste the pity in the air. "And it hurts? Tonight?"

Remus paused. "Yes."

"How much?"

"More than you can imagine."

"Remember when I hurt my arm last year after I fell off a broom?"

"Yes. Hurts more than that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I have injuries worse than that in the morning, and they're not even the worst part."

Remus wasn't sure why he was being so bold today—the full moon did weird things to his brain. In any case, his explanation did not do much for James' apparent pity. "Are you scared?" James asked suddenly.

"Pardon?"

"Scared. Of the full moon tonight. Does it scare you?"

There was a long silence as Remus tried to figure out how to say it. Eventually, he decided that there was no way to sugarcoat the situation. "Yes."

James nodded. "Don't blame you."

More awkward silence.

"Are you sure we can't visit you in the Hospital Wing? We'll be quiet. Maybe it can be just me, because I know that Sirius is sometimes loud and insensitive..."

"Please don't." Remus sighed. "I'm really... I... they're hard. Full moons. I'm... I won't be myself today, and I don't like to see people after because... I'm sorry, James, but you couldn't possibly understand. It's humiliating, it's dehumanizing, I don't feel right the day after, and it's... it's something I need to do alone. I don't want to be seen. It's private."

"But some people visit you, right? Do your parents come to visit you? Do the teachers come?"

"Er, no. Why would my parents...? This happens every month. It's not a big deal. They write a lot. Madam Pomfrey's there; it's not like I'm all alone. Professor Questus used to visit to catch me up on the lesson. Professor Dumbledore came once or twice... Hagrid came once, and Professor McGonagall came once... other than that, no. But I don't mind being alone. I told you: I like being alone afterwards."

That wasn't exactly true, but Remus was used to lying. Often, visits were the highlight of Remus' day after a full moon. He remembered being wide awake with anticipation before each of Questus' last year, looking over his notes in preparation and nearly giddy about the prospect of intelligent, fast-paced conversation... but Remus very much did not want his friends to visit after the full moon. That was simply a step that Remus was not willing to take as he was still getting used to his friends knowing. There were some things that the other Marauders didn't need to experience, plain and simple, and Remus' post-moon injuries were one of them—not to mention that seeing Remus after a full moon wouldn't do anything for James' apparent pity.

"Yeah, okay," said James. Remus waited, expecting more of an argument, but it didn't come. "You said you'd consider coming to my house over the holidays," James said instead. "Will you come?"

Remus did not want to think about that right now. "I don't like meeting new people," he said. "This month has been stressful enough. And I do rather want to see my parents and Professor Questus... I know they want to see me and hear about how things have been going, especially since I've been too busy lately to write as much as I used to. So... no... I don't think I can..." Remus had a sudden burst of inspiration. "But maybe you three can come to my place."

"Really?" said James, eyes wide. "Are you sure?"

"I'd have to ask my parents, but... yeah. I'd like that. I really like having friends, and I do want to see you. Besides, my parents are going to want to meet you. I should warn you, though, that they might ask a lot of uncomfortable and embarrassing questions. They're worried about me is all."

"Mine do that, too," said James with a wave of his hand and a massive grin. "That would be brilliant, Remus. I'd love to meet your mum and dad again. They were really great when I met them at King's Cross last year... and when I visited your house last summer on the full moon!"

"Yeah, I remember that," said Remus dryly.

"Ha, sorry about that. All's well that ends well. Can we really come over? Are you sure?"

"Probably. Like I said, I'll have to ask my parents, but I'm perfectly all right with it." Remus was sure that he was making a horrible mistake, but he very much did want to see his friends over holidays. "I'll write to my mother tomorrow," he said, leaning his hand back onto the armrest of the couch. "Keep an eye on the notebook."

"Right, the notebook!" said James. "You don't mind if we write to you in it, don't you? Since you don't want us to visit you? Or you could take my mirror!"

"I'd rather not take the mirror. I'll write in the notebook when I have something to say or when I notice it, but... I sleep a lot. And sometimes I'm in too much pain to write properly."

"That's okay! We just want to help."

"You're helping loads," said Remus. "The other day with Pensley was brilliant. But I just want to be your friend, you know—I don't need a nanny."

"I'm not a nanny. I'm a big, strong Quidditch player with a cool werewolf friend."

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and felt his chest constrict. It wasn't cool. It was terrible, and Remus hated how James and Sirius thought it was cool... it was the bane of his existence, it was literal torture, it was awful and unbearable at times and humiliating... it was not cool, and saying that it was undermined his suffering, didn't it? And he really was suffering, especially at the present moment—Remus felt like nails were being driven into his skull.

"Okay, mate?" said James, looking concerned. He was talking too loudly, and it wasn't doing much for Remus' headache. And Remus had talked too much for early on the morning of the full moon... it wasn't fair; how come James didn't have to go through any of this? Or Peter? Or Sirius? Or anyone else? Why was it just Remus? What had Remus ever done?

"You look sort of ill. More ill than normal, I mean," James continued. Remus clenched his fists and breathed. "I can walk you to the Hospital Wing. Or get you a glass of water? Do you want a book? I can get a Prefect, too. Or fetch Poppy right now..."

"Shut up! I am not a charity case!" said Remus suddenly, and the world went still. Remus' anger dissipated immediately. "Oh, fiddlesticks. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," said James.

"I'm sorry," said Remus again, his face turning bright red. What James must think of him now... Remus didn't even want to know. "I'm so, so sorry. It's—it's really hard being around people on the full moon. But that's no excuse. I... maybe I should..."

"Shut up," said James, and Remus went silent. "See? It's okay when I do it, so it's okay when you do it. And I didn't mean to treat you like a charity case. I just want to help. Tell me how!"

Remus really needed to walk around a little. He sat up and started pacing back and forth instead of the fire, focusing on his footsteps and the slight pain that every step sent shooting up his leg. "Tell me about your Quidditch team. I'd like to stay out of the Hospital Wing as long as possible today."

James happily complied, and he only stopped once every five minutes to ask Remus if he was okay. Remus managed to keep the frustration at bay admirably as he paced back and forth until he couldn't anymore. James' voice was actually rather soothing, he decided, and he was happy that James was here to calm him down before he went to Madam Pomfrey's office and waited to be escorted to his own torture chamber.

"It's seven-thirty," commented Madam Pomfrey as she opened the door for an exhausted Remus. "Did you manage to sleep in?"

"No. But James and I talked in the common room for a bit. It was relaxing; don't worry. No overexertion here. Well... hardly any."

Madam Pomfrey raised her eyebrows skeptically, and then was a moment of silence as she led Remus over to his bed. "I trust your judgement," she finally said. "Sometimes. Will you be able to sleep on your own this month?"

"I think so."

"Good. You're looking cheerful, considering."

"James told me the best story about his Quidditch team. Apparently the sixth-year named Rogers tried to play a prank on Shacklebolt, and it ended with a lizard running around the changing rooms..." Madam Pomfrey listened patiently, an odd smile on her face. "Why are you so happy?" said Remus. "It's funny, but it's not that funny."

"I'm just glad you have such good friends. And also..." She grinned widely and flicked Remus' wrist. "I won't say I told you so."

"Then don't," said Remus, rolling his eyes. He leaned back into his pillows and pulled the covers up past his head before smiling until his face was numb, and he fell asleep five minutes later with pleasant thoughts bouncing around his head.

And those were the precisely the thoughts that he tried to hang onto that night as he felt the moon rise higher into the sky: James' messy hair, Peter's smile and hugs, Sirius' lazy grin and flippant attitude, stories and waking up early just to talk to Remus, doing homework with Peter, watching James in the stands, the prospect of his friends visiting over holidays...

And then the world blurred and faded into pain. Remus managed to hang on for fifteen seconds before screaming himself hoarse, which was a new record, but he didn't realize it until sunrise the next morning when he was pulling himself into a shaky sitting position and waiting for Madam Pomfrey to come fetch him.

Sheep: I wrote Mum and Dad yesterday afternoon, and they said that they'd love to have the three of you over at the start of Christmas holidays if you're free.
Nimbus: Really? Wow! Thank you!
Sheep: Don't get too excited. My house is probably a lot more boring than what you're used to.
Red: Haha, no. It won't be.
Goldfish: I'll have to ask my mum, but she adores you so I know she'll say yes.
Sheep: Mum says that she can pick you up at the train station tomorrow and take you directly to my house, if that's okay with you. Then you'll have your things already and you won't need to pack. You can stay as long as you want—we have an extra room that we don't use if you'd like to spend nights.
Nimbus: Will you be all patched up by the twenty-second so that you can ride the train with us?
Sheep: Well, Madam Pomfrey doesn't WANT me to ride the train. But it was mostly okay this month, so I can probably convince her. I'm already awake and sitting up at eleven am, so that's a good sign.
Red: It's not as if riding the train is much different from sitting in a hospital bed.
Sheep: That's what I said!
Nimbus: What if you're not healthy enough to ride it? Will you have to stay at Hogwarts another day?
Sheep: I really am feeling fine, so I suspect Dad'll just Apparate me home from Hogsmeade tomorrow evening if I'm not well enough to ride the train in the morning. But I think I will be.
Goldfish: I wrote to my mother and asked if I could go. I should get a response tomorrow morning before we leave.
Red: Nimbus and I can go. His mum'll be fine with it, she's fine with everything.
Sheep: Watch the comma splice.
Red: Shut up.
Sheep: I'd love to talk more, but Madam Pomfrey is pestering me about lunch and a nap. I'll see you tomorrow!
Nimbus: See you tomorrow!
Goldfish: I'm so excited!

"Okay, fine, I'm ready for lunch now," said Remus, putting down the notebook, and Madam Pomfrey handed him a plate of sandwiches and vegetables. "Thank you."

"Not at all. It was a very good moon this month."

"I know! I managed to keep myself occupied with the furniture almost all night."

"Your friends are very good for you, I think."

"I've been so much more relaxed now that I don't have to hide it from them. It was weird at first, but they seem to understand much more than I thought they would. And they don't hate me at all!"

"Of course they don't."

Remus took a second to relish in those words. Of course they don't. It was so matter-of-fact, so simple... for a moment, Remus let himself believe that it was that simple with everybody. Of course they don't hate you. Why would they? You've never hurt them. If only things were that clear-cut, that beautifully sensible... they weren't, not really, but Remus almost believed it sometimes whenever he thought about his friends.

But there was another problem at the forefront of Remus' mind that had nothing to do with senseless werewolf prejudice, and he gave voice to it now. "Madam Pomfrey... may I please ride the train home tomorrow?" he asked, giving her his best Peter-style puppy eyes.

"You've already asked me that."

"I'm only hurt a little bit," Remus wheedled. "And I feel f—" He trailed off. This month, more than ever, he needed to stay away from the forbidden word. "I feel great, all things considered. I'm not even exaggerating. I could walk all around Hogwarts if I wanted to."

"You are also under the effects of a Pain-Relieving Potion," Madam Pomfrey reminded him. "We'll see how you feel tomorrow morning. The train leaves at eleven."

"That's plenty of time!"

"I'm not making a commitment until I see how you're doing tomorrow, Lupin. Keep arguing and I put another cap in the jar."

Remus pouted. "Yes, Madam Pomfrey."

"But you only have a few wounds that I managed to seal with the Dittany, and your broken bones healed up in a flash," continued Madam Pomfrey, smiling. "You'll still be fatigued and sore, of course, but I'd say that... the possibility is not out of the question. If you try your best to relax on the train, don't overexert yourself, and spend the remainder of tomorrow on the couch under your mother's care, then... I don't see why not."

Remus dropped his fork. He could have hugged her. "Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou Madam Pomfrey!"

"That was not a promise," said Madam Pomfrey sharply, but she was still smiling. "Time for a nap, now. You should be well-rested."

Remus pulled the covers up to his chin and obediently closed his eyes, but he was far too excited to fall asleep and ended up lying there awake for twenty-five minutes.

Sometimes (like on the morning of a full moon), lack of sleep was a very bad thing... but today, it was nothing less than wonderful.

AN: The Twitter logo is based off of the mountain bluebird, which is one of the only species of bluebird that occasionally flies as far north as Alaska (though of course it stays in North America).