A/N - I've spoiled you all with fluff for seven chapters. Welp, time for shit to hit the fan. Heh heh.


The real problem came the next morning.

Steph mumbled in her sleep when Lex's phone rang insistently, way, way, way too early after a night at the theatre followed by a fancy dinner at a frou-frou restaurant followed by sex in the bathtub (and yeah, those jets had totally been as awesome as Steph had hoped.)

"Go back to sleep, baby," Lex murmured sweetly as he swung his legs out of bed. "I'll take this in the living room." Steph snuggled deeper into the pillow that smelled like Lex (she knew his smell) (she loved his smell) and she was just drifting back to rosy dreams when Lex's raised voice came through the bedroom door that he'd thoughtfully closed behind him.

"It's not the free press, Bruce, it's spurious tabloid-worthy speculative trash!"

Bruce? BRUCE? Surely not Bruce Wayne, right?

"Don't you give a damn that the paper you own is dragging your son's best friend through the mud?"

Oh, shit.

Steph was out of bed and cracking the bedroom door open faster than a speeding bullet.

"Do NOTHING? This is why you're an imbecile, Bruce. Let me talk to Tim. - Well, let's conference call him, then. Maybe he'll have a little more concern for Stephanie's reputation than the one decent father figure in her life."

Oh, GOD. what the actual hell -

Lex's eyes swiveled to meet hers when she swung the door the rest of the way open. He jabbed at a button on his phone and Steph heard a phone ringing on the speaker as Lex stalked his way to her. The hand he caressed her hair with was surprisingly gentle, though, as he turned his phone screen to her with deeply regretful eyes.

A blown-up photo of her and Lex holding hands and smiling at each other in the theatre lobby last night was splashed across the Sunday gossip column of the Daily Planet. Two smaller photos of them at dinner were underneath it.

Steph's eyes dropped to the bold faced headline.

Former Drake-Wayne Flame Sets Her Sights on Her Second Billionaire

Steph gasped.

Was that 12.5 million dollar necklace a gift or a loan? Harry Winston employees declined to comment. Either way, Stephanie Brown sure knows the color of money.

"Oh, my God," Steph mumbled numbly as tears filled her eyes.

"H'lo?" Tim muttered on speakerphone, sounding like death warmed over.

"Tim, Lex Luthor here -"

"Read the texts and the link I just sent you," Bruce bossily interrupted.

"I'm so sorry," Lex mouthed to Steph. Tears were in his eyes, too, but they were only barely covering the absolute rage simmering underneath.

"Oh, fuck," Tim's voice responded sharply, sounding a lot more coherent now.

"Someone gets it," Lex snarked to Bruce.

"I get it, Lex," Bruce bit out, "but I don't see that there's anything productive we can do about it."

"Fire Cat Grant," Lex snarled. "She approved this filth. And do not repeat your diatribe on the ethics of the free press," Lex raged over Bruce's attempt to talk. "This is utter bullshit and you know it."

"It was a pretty shitty thing to print," Tim slowly agreed. "Why would they do that, Bruce?"

"I don't know!" Bruce huffed in exasperation. "I suppose because Steph was out on a date with a billionaire twice her age wearing a twelve million dollar necklace!"

"I'm right here," Steph spoke up angrily. "And who I date is nobody's business!"

There was a pause.

A pregnant pause, one might say.

Fucking fucking fucking hell. Could she not even get ONE weekend before she had to crash back up against reality?

"Steph," Bruce said in a more controlled voice, but she could hear the tension behind it. He was gonna kill her as soon as she got back to Gotham. Put her right back in her grave. She could feel it.

"I know you're not as used to dealing with the paparazzi as we are -"

"Don't patronize me," Steph tried to snap, but it came out more like a choked sob.

"I am attempting to express empathy," Bruce said stiffly. Every single one of his Bat-edited comments jangled in Steph's ears with reverberating batarangs of condemnation.

Tim was silent.

Lex set his phone down on the coffee table so he could wrap both arms around Steph's waist from behind.

"Unfortunately," Bruce said after clearing his throat, "I know from experience that the best way to handle bad press is with no comment - except perhaps from Lex, who should clarify that the necklace was a loan and that you are a casual acquaintance."

"Who he was giving heart eyes to with their fingers all clasped together on a date?" Tim drily interjected.

There was another pause.

Lex harrumphed in approval.

"I told you that you were an idiot, Bruce," he said dismissively. "Why is Tim your CEO, again?" he sarcastically drawled.

"I'm still confused why Steph was out on a date with you in the first place," Tim said with the shady judgment that only a best friend could deliver. To Steph's surprise, Lex chuckled.

"Ah, Tim, there's no need to continue the farce of the jealous jilted lover," Lex said amiably. "Steph told me of your ruse."

"Our ruse?" Tim choked.

"Yes, and as it happens, the attraction is mutual. So, I invited Steph to spend a weekend with me, she accepted, and we plan to continue dating," Lex breezily explained. The fact that he didn't out her pregnancy was basic human decency, right? Not something so thoughtfully wonderful that it should be putting a lump in Steph's throat. Of course not.

Shit.

"What?" Tim spluttered.

"Steph?" Bruce growled in gravelly deep concern.

"Now you want to act like a father?" Lex snarked with fangs bared. It was Bruce's turn to choke a little bit. Lex heaved out an exaggerated sigh. "I assure you, Bruce, I deeply care for Stephanie and no, I am not using her, and yes, I have her best interests at heart, and yes, you may shovel me into the ground if I mistreat her, which I most certainly will never do, and yes, I plan to marry her if she'll let me one day, et cetera et cetera et cetera."

Heavy, Batmanesque breathing filled the line, layered with Tim's more panicked wheezes.

She didn't want to tell them like this. She didn't. But it was always gonna suck to tell them. And if she told them now, they could get the first round of freaking out about it over with before she came back to Gotham tonight, so -

Steph took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant," she said quietly. Lex's arms squeezed tighter around her waist and his lips found her neck. "I hooked up with Lex at his gala last month - Tim knows about that - and, uh, I found out Friday that I'm pregnant."

Bruce inhaled sharply.

"Steph," Tim cried, low and aghast.

He got it. Steph knew he got it. He'd been with her during her first pregnancy. Been her Lamaze partner for a baby that wasn't his. Held her hand in the delivery room. Seen firsthand her depression afterwards. If anyone got the horror of an unplanned pregnancy, Tim got it.

Except - it wasn't actually horrible this time, was it?

It was wonderful.

"Obviously this stays out of the press," Lex growled at the phone.

"Of course," Bruce immediately answered in a strangled voice. "You're - um - keeping it, I take it, Steph?" he rasped in a surprisingly gentle voice that was full of shock more than judgment.

"Yeah," Steph replied, feeling the smile grow onto her face with the simple word. She joined her hands with Lex's over her belly and squeezed tight. Lex pressed a kiss to her temple.

"And … Lex?" Bruce asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Is thrilled," Steph answered honestly. "And wants to date and -"

"And get married -" Lex loudly interrupted her.

"And rush ahead," Steph laughed back at him. "But, uh, I said yes to dating him, at least, for now," she admitted.

For now. The phrase hung in the air. The Bats, she knew, would take it differently than Lex would.

They'd be reassured. (Maybe.) (Not a lot. But at least a little bit.) (Steph hoped.)

"Well," Bruce fumbled, seemingly at a loss for once in his Bat-life. "When are you coming back to Gotham?"

"Tonight," Steph said.

"Call me as soon as you get back," Tim bossed her.

"Yes, Mom," Steph teased.

"Me, too," Bruce ordered.

"Yes, Dad," Steph snorted.

"Ew," Tim said with feeling. "That did not sound right."

"Can we get back to the matter of Cat Grant and her vicious insinuations about the mother of my child?" Lex groused. "Obviously, we need to nip this in the bud as Steph and I will continue to be seen together. I refuse to stand by while her character is smeared. Especially by a paper that you own, Bruce," he chastised.

Bruce groaned.

"I suppose I can make a call to Perry and ask him to have Cat lay off as a favor," he sighed. "Since Steph's a close friend of the family."

"And then we'll have a front page exposé by Lois Lane about how The Daily Planet owner Bruce Wayne interferes with the free press and attempts to use his influence to shut down scrutiny of his friends and family, and the situation will be a thousand times worse," Tim said severely. "You'll do nothing of the kind. Let me talk to our PR Department and get some professional advice. This is a delicate situation that calls for finesse."

"Fine," Bruce grumbled. Steph privately thought that he sounded more than a little relieved to let Tim handle it.

"Acceptable, Lex?" Tim asked briskly in his CEO-voice.

"Oh, by all means," Lex said airily. "Handle this in your own pansy-petaled way." Steph turned her head and gave him a suspicious look. Lex smirked at her.

As soon as the phone call was over, Lex punched in a call to Mercy.

"Penthouse. Now. We have some business to attend to," he barked.

"On my way, boss!" Mercy answered with cheerfully expectant glee. Oh, God.

"What are you gonna do?" Steph asked Lex with just a little bit of worry.

"Whatever I can," Lex grinned like a shark. "Buy Cat's apartment building and evict her. Buy her gym and cancel her membership. Lean on Perry myself to fire her. Buy her parents' bank and foreclose on their home."

"Lex!" Steph gasped.

"Kidding, baby. Just a joke," Lex said lightly. Steph wasn't so sure. (Supervillain, anyone?) But Steph was damn sure that Lex was carefully noting where her lines were - and that she hadn't blinked at his first three ideas. Um.

Cat was a bitch, ok? She'd called Steph a freaking gold-digger in a full page spread of a national newspaper!

That wasn't something Cat Grant's family and friends needed to pay for. But. Well. If Cat herself experienced some consequences for her bitchery - consequences that wouldn't get Bruce and Tim in any kind of trouble - well.

Steph supposed she was ok with that.

God, who was she kidding?

She was totally ok with it.

Lex was the best fucking baby daddy ever.


A/N - Look who churned out this new chapter in record speed? Can I keep it up? Who the hell knows! Wish me luck! And come follow me on Tumblr as River9Noble while you're at it XD