So this is for ritika who didn't want a screaming match between Beckett and Alexis and wanted a continuation.
Sorry it took so long to post but with exams and writing Small Steps and Giant Leaps I have been a bit busy.
Beckett was still silent when they reached the hospital and Castle was wheeled out of the back of the ambulance and towards the open doors. She jumped out after and kept pace with him once more. She tried to ignore the feeling of dread she was getting as the wheels left a trail of blood in their wake.
They reached the doors to the OR and one of the waiting nurses told her she could go no further, but Beckett could barely here her as she struggled to get passed. She only stopped when she felt someone put a hand on her shoulder. "I've got her from here nurse," Josh's voice said, breaking through the fog that had descended over her.
The nurse nodded and moved away even as Josh pulled Beckett away from the door. "I heard the call," Josh said, "A cop had been shot at you your Captain's funeral." Beckett stayed silent; she was concentrating on remembering to breath. "I thought it had been you," Josh spoke again, trying to get her to talk.
"It should have been," Beckett said eventually, "I should have been hit but that stupid man tackled me and took it for me." Her whole body was shaking and her voice was thick with the tears that were streaming down her face.
"Come on," Josh prompted gently, "Let's go and get you cleaned up."
Beckett however threw off his hand, "I'm not going anywhere. I have to be here for Castle."
Josh went to say something more but then his pager went off. He ignored it but a few moments later it went off again. He looked at it then said, in a guilty voice, "Kate, I've got to go, one of my patients is being rushed into surgery."
Beckett didn't say anything just studied her hands, which were stained with Castle's blood from where she had tried to save his life.
She hadn't even realised Josh had gone until ten minutes later when Lanie, Martha, Alexis, Ryan and Esposito came barrelling down the hall. She heard their approach, it was different from the hustle and bustle of the hospital that she had gotten used to already, but didn't look up from the study of her hands.
Lanie knelt in front of her and Alexis sat beside her as Martha, flanked by Ryan and Esposito went to the desk to ask what was happening with her son.
"How long has it been since I left?" Beckett whispered to Lanie, she had lost track of time and honestly didn't know how long it had been since Castle had been shot, how long since they had arrived at the hospital and how long it had been since Josh had left.
"You've been here forty minutes at least," Lanie answered softly, glad that her best friend was talking, even if it was only a little and very quietly.
"Oh," was all Beckett said before returning to the study of her hands and her finger nails.
Lanie looked over at Alexis, who was sat looking at Beckett's hands too. Lanie knew that Alexis was worried about her dad be she, with a little help from the boys, had managed to keep both Martha and Alexis from going into the almost comatose state that Beckett appeared to be in.
Martha, Ryan and Esposito then came back over to them. Martha looked worried but not unduly so.
"What's happening?" Alexis was the first to ask.
"He's in surgery," Martha answered, talking the seat beside her granddaughter, "The bullet was a through and through and somehow didn't do any major damage to any organs in its path. He's lost a lot of blood but it could have been so much worse. If he makes it through the surgery she should be fine."
"If?" Alexis questioned, her voice shaking.
"He's going to be fine," Lanie assured her, "They'll be able to keep his blood pressure up with blood transfusions and he'll be fine."
Alexis nodded and took a deep breath to steady herself.
Beckett suddenly stood and walked away shakily. Lanie stood, looking like she had every intention of following her but Alexis beat her to it. She and Martha shared a quick glance before Alexis followed after Beckett, who had just disappeared around the corner.
When Alexis caught up with her she had just slid down the wall and had her head in her hands. Alexis couldn't see her face but she guessed from the shaking shoulders that Beckett was crying, not just the sobbing that had happened in the ambulance and at the funeral but actually bawling her eyes out.
Alexis sat beside her, keeping her knees bent to her chest so that her feet were out of the way of people moving up and down the corridor.
Eventually Alexis heard Beckett take a deep breath and saw as she removed her hands from her face. "Are you ok?" Alexis asked hesitantly.
"I don't know," Beckett answered shakily, "My partner is in surgery and you are Martha properly hate me for getting him shot."
"I don't hate you," Alexis responded quickly.
Beckett gave a dark laugh, "How can you not. That bullet was meant for me and he took it instead."
Alexis reached across and rested a hand on Beckett's still blood stained hand. Beckett jumped slightly at her touch but she didn't pull away. "I really don't blame you Detective Beckett." She squeezed the older woman's hand before continuing, "When my dad first started following you I was worried about him and when you kicked him out the first summer I was glad that he was out of harm's way. But then he went back and he started the change. He has two personas, Richard Castle the famous author and my dad, the guy who behaves like a kid at any chance, which he only shows to me and Grams. But working with you he lost the playboy persona, he became more like Dad all the time and I can only thank you for that. You took him in and made him feel welcome, eventually, and became his friends. He never really had any friends, everyone wanted him for his money or his fame and you changed him."
She stopped aware that Beckett was studying her through red puffy eyes. "But he got shot at my Captain's funeral, by a bullet that was meant for me. This is all my fault."
"No," Alexis said forcefully, "This isn't your fault, it's the shooters fault. They're the one who shot my dad not you; they're the one who pulled the trigger."
Beckett watched her with blank eyes. Alexis took her hand and pulled her to her feet. Beckett followed, still too much in shock to put up much of a fight. "Let's go and get you cleaned up Detective," Alexis said, following the signs to the nearest bathroom, "And then we can get back to Grams, Lanie and the guys."
"How can you be so calm?" Beckett asked in wonder as Beckett turned on the tap and put Beckett's hands in the flow of water, "You're his daughter for god's sake and you're doing much better with all of this then I am."
"Because you need me," Alexis answered, squirting soap onto Beckett's hands, "And because if I panic then I'll be no help to anyone and Dad will know and feel guilty."
"You shouldn't have to help me Alexis," Beckett said, watching the swirling red tinted soap as it went down the drain, "I'm the adult, I should be making sure you're alright, not the other way around. I should be making sure his family is alright since you and Martha are the most important people in his life."
Alexis shook her head, "You're as good as family already Kate, he would want to make sure you were ok too."
Beckett pulled her hands out from under the water and was glad to see that the worst of the blood was off. "I'm just his partner," Beckett protested, using the paper towels Alexis passed her to dry her hands.
"No you're not," Alexis disagreed, "I don't know if I should tell you this but I will anyway. He loves you, that's why he stuck around for so long."
Beckett had of course already heard Castle's confession at the cemetery but hearing his daughter confirm it made her realise Castle hadn't just said it because he had been shot, he had actually meant it.
"Kate," Alexis said, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking it gently, "Are you okay Kate?"
Beckett realised that she hadn't spoken, or even moved, in the few minutes following Alexis' reveal. She nodded, "I'm ok Alexis, it's just what you said took me a little by surprise."
"Well it's true. I've never seen him like he is with you with anyone else before, not my mom and certainly not Gina. His face lights up when you call, even if it is about a murder, and he looks forward to seeing you outside the precinct."
As Alexis spoke Beckett was having an internal debate with herself about whether or not to share with Alexis what Castle had said right before he passed out. She came to a decision and spoke, "I know it's true Alexis, he told me right before he passed out."
Alexis was silent for a moment before she asked, "So why were you so shocked just now?"
"Because," Beckett said, grimacing as she caught sight of the reflection of her tear stained and mascara streaked face, "I thought he was just saying it because he thought he was dying, getting it out before it was too late."
She turned on the tap again and filled her hands with water before leaning over the sink and washing her face.
"He meant it," Alexis said, sounding incredibly sure of herself.
Beckett rinsed her face a few more times before Alexis handed her some more paper towels and she said, "Thank you Alexis."
The girl smiled weakly in return.
Once they were both ready to leave, Alexis gave her face a quick rinse as she too had mascara tracks down her face, they headed back out to where Martha, Lanie and the boys were still sat waiting for news.
Beckett retook the seat she had vacated before while Alexis took the one between her and Martha. She took her Grams' hand and then hesitantly reached out to take Beckett's.
Beckett took the girls hand in a strong grip and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
Beside her Lanie was talking to Esposito, by the way her arm was wrapped around her shoulder he was making sure she was alright.
Ryan was off to one side, staring hard at his phone, although every so often he would look up and around the waiting room.
Beckett looked down at her lap, although she didn't let go of Alexis' hand. She was glad that Alexis didn't hate her for what she saw as her fault and that she wasn't in this alone.
