So this is another chapter based off of Countdown as it's just such a good episode with so many what if scenarios.
I was planning on posting every Friday but next week I'm on a training course all week so don't know if I'll be able to get anything written, proof read, and posted in time, so three might be a two week break before the next chapter.
What if Kate had finished saying what she'd been saying in the freezer.
She was cold, so cold she could barely feel any part of her body. The only thing she knew for sure was that her shoulder was pressed against Rick's chest and his arm was wrapped around her. Even though the circumstances right now were crappy, she was almost glad that she was with Rick. At least if she was going to die then she'd die with her best friend.
That thought caught her off guard for a moment, she'd never thought about Rick like that before. He'd always just been Castle, the writer come partner that had latched on to do some research and then hadn't left, but now, as she lay freezing to death in her arms she realised that he was a lot more than that.
Then she realised something else, something she realised had been in the back of her mind for a long time, it went a whole lot deeper than just friendship, she was fairly certain she had much bigger, much scarier, feelings for him. Knowing that this would be her last chance she knew she had to tell him.
"Castle," she said. Her voice was so soft and weak that she was worried that Rick hadn't heard her.
"Beckett," Rick replied, his voice only slightly stronger than hers.
"I just want you to know," she started. Her vision started to go dark but she fought through it, she had to tell him, it was now or never. "I just want you to know how much I love you."
Under normal circumstances, she never would have told him, but these weren't normal circumstances. With all her remaining strength she reached up and touched Rick's face, but her hand was so cold so couldn't feel anything except the pressure of his skin against hers. The darkness engulfed her and her hand went limp, falling back to Rick's chest.
Just before the darkness fully took her she heard Rick inhale a surprised breath and then heard him say, worry clear in his voice, "Kate, stay with me." He shook her slightly. "Kate, stay with me."
-/-
She woke, something she hadn't thought she'd be doing again if she was honest with herself, and immediately realised that she couldn't feel Rick's solid frame behind her or his arm around her. She panicked and tried to sit up. "Castle," she called, her voice scratchy. She coughed to clear her throat a little and tried again. "Castle," she called again, "Castle."
"Hey hey," a voice came from beside her, "Calm down ok."
She turned her head towards the source of the voice. "Josh?" she asked.
"Yeah," Josh answered. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"What are you doing here?" Kate asked, "I thought you were going to Hait."
"Didn't go," Josh answered. He was checking something on a monitor and take took a chance to arrange her facial expression before he turned back to her. "How are you feeling?" he asked her.
"Where's Castle?" she asked, ignoring the question.
"He's in another ambulance," Josh answered as he pulled out her IV, "You've both got moderate cases of hypothermia."
"Is he awake?" Kate asked wincing slightly as she needle was removed, "Is he going to be ok?"
"Not yet," Josh told her gently, "But he should be fine. He just needs warming up." He looked at the monitor that Kate was plugged into and then back at Kate. "How are you feeling?" he then asked again.
"I'm ok," Kate said, "A bit cold but otherwise I think I'm ok."
Josh nodded and Kate fidgeted on the stretcher. Her words in the freezer came crashing back to her. She'd said it because she thought that they weren't going to make it, but it looked like both of them would make a full recovery, and that meant Kate would have to deal with the fallout. Because she had meant it, and that meant she had to do the adult thing and break up with Josh. Even if Rick didn't feel the same way about her she couldn't keep stringing Josh along, it just wasn't fair on either of them.
"I need to talk to you about something," Kate then said, concentrating her full attention on Josh.
"Sure," he said.
Kate took a moment to organise her thoughts and then she took a deep breath, it was going to be better to get this over with as quickly as possible. "I like you, Josh," she said, "I really do. But when I was in that freezer I realised that I don't think I like you enough to carry on with this. I don't think it's fair on either of us."
"This isn't anything serious Kate," Josh reminded her, "We both agreed at the start of this that this probably wasn't going to get serious. I'm not expecting that from this."
Kate nodded. They had indeed had that conversation. Neither of them had been ready to settle down when they'd first met, and neither of their jobs allowed for a fully serious relationship to develop, they just didn't spend enough time with each other for that. But that wasn't the point right now, because Kate had nearly died and she knew what she wanted now.
"I know," Kate accepted, "But I think it's fairer on both of us if we end it now. I could have died tonight and that's made me realise I need something more."
"And you don't want that something more with me?" Josh asked. There was a slightly hurt tone to his voice.
"It wouldn't work," Kate said in a gentle but firm voice, "Our jobs don't allow for it for one thing."
"And you don't feel that way about me for another?" Josh asked.
Kate nodded sadly. "I'm sorry," she said.
She went to continue but Josh shook his head. "It's fine," he told her, "I get it."
Kate opened her mouth to speak again but Josh leant in and kissed her on the cheek. "Good luck Kate," he told her, "And I hope you find what you're looking for." He got to his feet and jumped out of the ambulance. "Stay warm," he then instructed, "And try and take it easy." He glanced at the monitor again and then back to Kate. "It's been fun," he said, "See you around Kate."
"Bye Josh," Kate said in a quiet voice as the doctor turned and walked away. She took a moment to collect herself before she wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself and got off the stretcher. She was a little unsteady on her feet but after a few moments, she found her balance and got out of the back of the ambulance. "Am I alright to keep this?" she asked the paramedic who was leaning against the side of the vehicle, gesturing to the blanket.
The paramedic nodded and Kate made her way through the crowd, trying to find the second ambulance. She saw it but stopped when she saw that Josh was also headed in that direction. It looked like Rick was still out of it and Kate didn't fancy facing Josh right now so instead, she went and lent against her car and watched the ambulance intently.
She saw when Rick woke up and started fighting against the paramedic who was in the back trying to hold him down. She felt a surge of something that she couldn't put a name on and started to move forwards, she remembered her own panic at waking up and finding that Rick wasn't there, and she had a feeling that he was going through the same thing. Josh got there first though and Kate lent against the car once again.
She watched as Josh and Rick had a conversation, she had no idea about what and then saw as Esposito and Ryan then joined the conversation. Kate realised that she needed to touch base with them to work out what the hell had happened, and if they'd found the bomb, and how'd they'd found her and Rick, and who'd pulled them out of the freezer. She realised that there was a lot of things that needed to be talked about, but right now she only had eyes, and thoughts, for Rick. The case could wait the few minutes it would take for her to make sure that he was ok.
Falon then came over to speak to her. "When you're up to it," he said, "I need to go over what happened with you and the writer."
"Of course," Kate accepted, not taking her eyes off Rick. She was aware of Falon moving away but she didn't look away from the ambulance. Because she was watching so intently she saw when Rick looked out of the ambulance and they caught each other's eye. Her breath caught in her throat as he smiled at her and then excused himself from the guys and got out of the ambulance, heading towards her even as he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders.
"Hi," he said in an almost shy voice and the look in his eye as he looked at her told her all she needed to know. He remembered what she had said before she passed out.
"Hi," she replied with a smile, "I can't tell you how glad I am to see you up and about."
"You and me both," Rick said, "Although I don't think I'll ever be warm again. I'm so glad to see you up and about as well."
The two of them stared at each other for a long moment before Rick glanced back towards the ambulance. "So your boy's back in town," he said and Kate could see that his hands were clenching even tighter on his blanket.
"He's not my boy anymore," Kate told him.
It took Rick a moment but then he started to smile a hesitant smile. "Any reason?" he asked. He was hedging but Kate knew that he couldn't come out and ask her directly, that just wasn't the way they worked.
"Well," she said, "I told another man I loved him so I figured it wasn't fair on anyone if I kept dating him."
Rick's face split into a wide smile at her words and she smiled back at him.
"So you meant it?" he asked, "I was worried you'd just said it because you thought we were going to die."
"That's why I said it," Kate admitted, "But I did mean it."
She reached out and placed a hand on Rick's face. It was still cold, so was her hand, but she could feel more now than she had been able to in the freezer. His skin was soft except for the stubble on his cheeks, and even though they were cold there was a warmth there. He lent into the touch and the two of them stared into each other eyes for a long moment before Kate spoke.
"We need to talk about this," she said, "But not now."
Rick nodded in agreement. He raised his hand and put it over hers and pulled it away from his face. He dropped it to his side, but he didn't let go, instead, he entwined his fingers with hers. "We need to find a terrorist cell and a bomb," he said, "Then we can talk about this." He gestured between the two of them with their joined hands.
Kate nodded. "Falon wants to debrief," she then said.
"Is he ready to believe us?" Rick asked.
"Yeah I think so," Kate said. She gave Rick's hand a squeeze and then let go. The two of them then headed over to where Falon was standing with Captain Montgomery.
As they spoke with Montgomery and Falon about how'd they'd gotten here and what they'd found they stood shoulder to shoulder, trying to share what little warmth the two of them had.
Kate however felt warm all over. As soon as they found that bomb they'd be able to have a conversation about what this meant for the two of them, and that was feeling Kate was a lovely warm feeling.
