Emily had managed to get an appointment straight away. It took some convincing from JJ's side to not be admitted to a psych ward, instead she was given some info material for emergency care and long term in-patient facilities as well as a list of phone numbers for out-patient programs. Emily noticed that JJ became more and more quiet the more information she was given. During the car ride back to Emily's place she absently starred out the window. Emily knew that it had to be a lot. It was extremely overwhelming for Emily even though she was not the one that had to make these decisions.

The truth was that she was extremely scared for her friend.

While she had been grateful for JJ's earlier admissions after having being shut out of for days, she just hoped that JJ accepted the professional help and that it would stabilise her and would actually make her feel better. Because right now, she felt like she was responsible for JJ's safety but how do you safe someone from their own thoughts? She was a highly trained federal agent but no tactical training, no gun training or bulletproof vest could help JJ right now.

When they were back in the flat Emily decided that they needed lunch so she made sandwiches: "Hey JJ, let's have some lunch... JJ?", she called. Her heart rate started picking up when her friend didn't respond and was nowhere to be seen. She let out a breath when she saw JJ sitting on the bed in the guest bedroom, the pamphlets in her lap, her gaze lowered as if starring at them would eventually tell her what to do, even though she was looking right through them.

"JJ... hey sweetie.", Emily approached her slowly, kneeled down next to her and placed her hands on JJ's knees. JJ's head shot up and she looked at Emily: "There you are, you were miles away. Do you want to tell me about that place?" JJ shrugged. "Well, that's better than a no", Emily thought to herself.

"Hey, you can tell me",Emily coaxed, rubbing JJ's knees reassuringly.

"I.. I just...", sobs started wrecking her body, suppressing the emotions seemed impossible.

'Hey, it's okay", Emily said while getting up, sitting on the bed as well and wrapping her arms around the form of her friend's shaking body: "It's okay, you can let it all out. I've got you. You are not alone." Rubbing her back, she admitted: "I'm scared, too, Jayje." This only increased JJ's sobs while Emily rhythmically rubbed circles on her back. "And I can't promise that it's all going to be uphill from here, well it's actually not likely at all, it's a paradox of probability... but what I can promise is that I'm gonna be right by your side every step of the way."

After about 15 minutes, JJ started to calm down, pulled back from the embrace and looked up at the empathetic face of her friend: "You kind of sound like Spence, you're a little nerd, yourself.", JJ teased smiling a little. Emily stuck her tongue out and smiled back.

"Come on, let's eat something."

After lunch Emily lead JJ onto the couch in the living room. "Do you want to share what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" JJ blushed slightly at those words but hoped that Emily did it notice.

"Um, I guess", JJ started, pulling her knees up to her body again.

"I think it just hit me, you know? What this means... I... I know from an outside perspective that I've experienced a lot of...", JJ sighed, "a lot of trauma basically my entire life, but it's really hard to admit that because... because all I've ever done is run from that and whenever it caught up with me I started running again. But I... but now i can't run anymore. And that means that I have to turn around, go back and face it. And that's so scary.", she started tearing up again, "and I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that." There were a couple of seconds of silence, both of them trying to take in what JJ had just said.

"And that's where I come in.", Emily lifted her hand to JJ's chin and tilted it up. Do you know the beach ball analogy?" JJ shook her head.

"Everything you just described with you running from your past is a common trauma response. It's like a beach ball that you're trying to push under the surface. It takes a lot of energy and whenever you're just a little distracted or triggered by something, your hands slip and the ball pops up into the air, high above your head. That's why you're always in a state of super vigilance, because you have to be constantly prepared for being triggered, reliving trauma and trying to avoid that.

And stopping to push it under the surface is terrifying because you're actively letting it back into your conscience. But in return, the exhausting fight of pushing it under stops. And it can't pop into the air anymore. And eventually, with a lot of time and work you can slowly let the air out of the ball, so that it becomes smaller and smaller until it's deflated so much that it's no longer controlling you. It will still be there, but it looses its relevance."

"But I feel like I not only have one beach ball, but a dozen. And I feel like it's way too overwhelming to let them all be above the surface. I don't think that I can make it through that."

"I can only imagine, but right now you're at the bottom of a huge mountain, not even able to see the top, but you have to think in baby steps, day by day. And it will be hard, I won't try to convince you otherwise, but you don't have to let all the beach balls come to the surface at once. And if they do, remember that you're not alone. You have me, you have the team, you have Henry and now you can get professional help. I'm gonna be honest with you Jayje. I'm not sure that it's possible to do everything out-patient." JJ's gaze dropped. "It's not that i don't believe in you, but when everything is too overwhelming at some point, it can be so relieving to know that you don't have to do anything for a while, you're just in a safe space and everything else is being taken care of. And you don't have to decide anything today."

"But what if I... if I need inpatient treatment, what about Henry?"

"JJ, I mean it. I'm here for you. And the team is here, as well. You don't have to worry about him." JJ just nodded.

"Speaking of Henry, it's about time that he's being picked up. Do you want to come with me or do you need a break?"

"I'm pretty exhausted, do you mind picking him up?" "No, that's fine. As long as you are safe her, by yourself. "Yeah, I promise. I think I'm gonna go through the pamphlets." "Okay, see you later, and please take your pain medication, you need to stay on top of it." Emily had a better feeling, leaving JJ alone in her flat this time.

A/n: Thanks for reading. Please let me know if you've got ideas for this story.