For the rest of my life, I will always remember walking towards the Shirakawa stream, the cold moonlight heavy on my shoulders. The night was crisp and clear. The sky was dark but illuminated by the moon and stars. It had been months since I had been outside at this hour. The threat of bombs, along with the cold, kept us all indoors. Instead of being beautiful though, I found the night to be sinister.

After talking with Hideo, I made it my sole mission to free Nobu-san from the confines of prison, no matter the means it took to get there. Because of the living situation in our okiya, I took Auntie into my confidence. I knew that I would need her cooperation in order to see Yoshio Tanaka. The only time I had to myself was when I was watching Auntie. I would need her help in getting ready. We all took turns sitting with her on our hours off from the factory. I would sit with Auntie in the middle of the week while Mother went shopping with Pumpkin.

At first, Auntie had refused to help me. Coughing weakly on her futon, she had talked to me in her most disappointed tone. "You are betraying the only man that can save us after the war, Sayuri-san. The only man that could save you." She sighed. "Eat today only to die tomorrow? Is that it? You are giving yourself away too cheaply!"

I remembered feeling a deep sense of shame rise up in me as I prepared myself to convince her that it was not so. I wanted her to understand that I was not rushing into this foolishly.

"Auntie, look around us" I told her as I gently tucked her covers around her frail body. The covers barely provided any comfort to her thin, brittle bones. "We are all doing the best we can, but it's not certain that any of us will survive this war. At least we have the freedom to move around and try to get rice off the black market. Nobu-san has nothing."

"He is a proud man" she cautioned me, grimacing in pain as she moved her tired bones into a more comfortable position on the futon. "He will never forgive you." She coughed deeply into her hand suddenly, and there was blood. Making a disgusted face, she clenched her palm. I took her hand like I would a child, and took from my pocket an old rag. I wiped her hand with it, trying to erase the red stain of the blood.

"Stop it, I'm unclean" she said, trying to push me away.

"We are all unclean, if that is so, Auntie." I finished wiping her hand and put the rag in my pocket to burn later.

"Please help me" I begged her, as I settled her thin body against the pillows of the futon. "I owe Nobu-san my very life. "

"You love him" Auntie said, still coughing. I felt myself pale.

"I certainly regard him highly…" I protested.

"You love him, girl. I can see it all over your face" Auntie told me. I remained quiet.

"Sayuri-san, geisha don't fall in love with their danna" she warned me. "For all intents and purposes, a geisha should never love any man."

"And if they do?" I asked.

"Then heavens help the poor woman who makes such a stupid mistake!" Auntie snapped. "I convinced Mother to keep you on at this okiya because I thought you had the intelligence to succeed. I thought you were smart enough to thrive in this kind of world. I see now that I was wrong." She coughed deeply.

"Be that as it may, I am no longer a geisha. It has been months since I last entertained." Auntie, as sick and feeble as she was, snorted with derision.

"Girl, you are not a wife, you are not a shop girl, and you are not a common prostitute," I raised my eyebrows. "Not yet anyways. For all that is concerned, you are a geisha. Nothing more and nothing less. That is the life that you will return to after the war."

"If we survive" I told her. Auntie waved her hands impatiently.

"I won't survive, but you might, despite your lack of intelligence and foresight." Auntie said. "Will this Tanaka be your danna then, after the war?"

"I hardly know him, but I imagine not."

"This is not going to be good" Auntie cautioned me. "But I will help you. Only because I am old and dying, and because you are determined to do this anyways. I can see that there is no stopping you."

"You are right" I told her.

Because our telephone was no longer in use, I sent the maid with our last scrap of rice paper, asking Tanaka to meet with me in two night's time. I used my best calligraphy and even scented the paper with the last drops of perfume that remained in my near empty bottles.

When I posed the question of kimono to Auntie, she told me not to bother Mameha. Instead, she told me of a location in the okiya where Mother had stored two formal kimonos in cases of emergency. "They probably won't have matching collars" she warned me, "But we have no other choice."

"I'm sure they will do for Tanaka" I replied.

"Pray girl, that I can get the obi around your skinny frame!" Auntie scolded. "You are determined to ruin yourself, but at least you should represent the Nitta Okiya and look the part of a geisha and not like a beggar."

"You are too weak!" I protested. Auntie shook her head and her thin lips moved into a grim line.

"You must look the part. I will have strength for this, at least."

Thus, coughing laboriously, Auntie dressed me in the okiya's kimono when the others had gone to sleep. Auntie was so weak and feeble, so her cough was not the loud clamoring cough of a healthy person. Still, it was a wonder that we did not wake the rest of the household as she dressed me in the unheated part of the upper house. Several times, she had to sit down, gasping for breath.

At last, she had me fully dressed and ready to meet Tanaka's driver at the Shirakawa Stream.

"There" she said, patting my sleeve, "you look half-way decent." She wrinkled her nose. "Still too plain, though. Don't you have any hair ornaments? You are still young enough to wear them." I shook my head. I had Nobu's star comb hidden in my pillow, but it would be in bad taste to wear it. Incredibly bad taste.

"It will be fine, Auntie" I assured her. "I'm sure Tanaka-san has not seen a geisha in a long time. Especially in a kimono like this." Auntie had helped me smuggle a black formal kimono out of Mother's hiding place. Black was not my favorite color to wear, but it would help whiten my skin in the absence of make-up.

"I would not put it past him to have several in Tokyo. Mother has says that Tanaka is one of the few men to profit off this war."

"My face…is it alright?" I asked her, turning to her so that she could look at my make-up. Auntie looked carefully. I had painted the thinnest line of kohl across my eyelids, and I pricked myself with a pin to make my lips red.

"Your face is thin, and very pale. But this is good. Most men do not like bloated cows in their beds."

"Auntie, please" I murmured, embarrassed.

"It is true," Auntie insisted. Then she began coughing. "Go!" she sputtered. "If anyone wakes, I will tell them that I sent you to the neighbors to borrow something for my cough." I nodded and gathered up my sleeves. I tried to be as silent as I could as I inched myself towards the okiya foyer, Auntie following close behind me, muffling her cough into her sleeve

As I was turning to leave, Auntie grabbed my sleeve weakly. I turned towards her questioningly. She barely had the strength to whisper.

"Be careful, Sayuri-san."

"Yes, Auntie, I will be careful" I said, trying to reassure her. Her old face looked at me with great worry as I closed the okiya door and began my way to the Shirakawa stream. My worn ghetta made echoing sounds against the cobbled streets. It sounded like a fading heartbeat.

Walking out into the cold night, I mentally prepared myself for what was to come. Tanaka's note had only been instructions to meet his driver at the Shirakawa. I expected this terse brevity. There had been no mention of payment, but a man like Tanaka understood these situations.

At last, I reached the stream. A black car was waiting there. It was rare to see a limousine in times like these. I could see a figure inside. Willing myself to be calm, I walked over to the automobile's door. The driver came over to my side and held it open.

"Get in" a voice said. It had to be Tanaka. Gathering up my kimono, I obliged. Tanaka did not stand upon ceremony.

"Good evening" I told him, when I was seated inside and the driver had gotten back in the front. Tanaka's dark eyes swept over my face.

"To what do I owe this occasion?" he asked. He reached into this lapel pocket and bought out a pack of cigarettes. Without offering me any, he lit one. "I had not expected to see you…ever again." He blew out the smoke and it curled around my face. I was unused to men who smoked. Both the Chairman and Nobu-san did not smoke.

"Is my presence displeasing?" I asked, coyly. Tanaka frowned. The war had not altered his ego or his physical presence. Unlike most men in Gion, he was dressed in a fitted western suit and new shoes. His hair was immaculately oiled. I thought bitterly of my own hair, which was clean, but quite dry. Auntie had put it up into a bun and had to use candle wax to hold it in place.

Tanaka was clean shaven and wore a western aftershave. It reminded me of something bitter and yet spicy. In another time, I might have found it pleasant. But the scent reminded me of dried snake skin and dark, dank places.

"You were Nobu-san's…possession, his woman. A fact you made well known the last time we spoke." He flicked the ash from his cigarette onto the car floor.

"It was true, the last time we met" I said slowly, trying to think of ways to be coy and subtle, a geisha's trick. "However, I remember that you were not entirely displeased by my face or presence. I believe you found me passably attractive."

Tanaka looked over my kimono and face, as if weighing the price. "You are thinner, and more drawn. The geisha in Tokyo aren't nearly as young as you, and yet you seem five years older than when we first met."

"It's unkind to remark upon a woman's age" I said, trying to be playful. The shadows of the lamp posts cast dark shadows on Tanaka's face. I repressed a shiver.

"I am not paid to be kind" Tanaka told me, "But you are. You are paid to be kind, and to be other things." I bowed my head.

"Everything has its price," I told him.

"Yes, everything has its price" he agreed. "Everything and everyone."

"I must tell you that mine is quite high" I ventured, laying my cards out on the table. I gave him a level stare. Tanaka stubbed out his cigarette against the car window and threw it on the ground.

"I would not expect it any other way from you, Sayuri-san" he said. Reaching out, he grasped my face with his hand and pressed his lips against mine. His teeth grazed against my lips sharply. The skin of my lip broke and I felt a piercing pain. I imagined he drew blood. My breath came in short gasps, from the shock of the pain and terror I felt at being so close to him.

"I always get what I pay for" he told me. "One way or another."