She's been in this country for less than a month and she's been miserable for every single minute no matter how occupied she was. Sakura truly hated herself for the thing she'd done. It was seventeen days ago that she's left Konoha, her friends, her family and her work at the hospital. She knew that her being gone could actually help her cause but it didn't help her exactly. And not knowing when and if she would be able to come back made her even more miserable. Every time she lied in her new bed in the Village Hidden by Clouds she thought about Hinata. This timid girl that was hopelessly in love with her best friend for so long. Her friend. Right now this anger she felt all those days ago seemed so ridiculous. Of course it hurt to see Sasuke with someone else but there were no promises from him. And sure this someone being one of her friends was hurtful as well. But she's seen how Hinata acted. She's been aware of Sakura's feelings and probably wanted to talk to her about them. But she hasn't given her the chance. And blinded by her hurt she's done something terrible. She was so glad that Sasuke was able to get to her in time. For the longest time the thought of losing Hinata, killing her has kept Sakura awake. Not the fact that Sasuke has been awful to her afterwards, she's deserved it. But the thought of being responsible of hurting her friend was oppressively large.

Working again had it's advantages. She could put these thoughts away for a moment. It was a strange day in the local hospital. And by strange she meant quiet. It was unusual for her not to have anything to do. There were always at least minor accidents that needed medic intervention but that day there were only four or five people in the waiting room throughout the day. She didn't like this at all. Being busy was her medicine and now she was lacking it.

Once she was done with her shift she headed straight towards the house in which she was staying. It belonged to a young marriage with one little child. They were nice people but she couldn't see them becoming close friends. She decided to look for a place of her own in the near future but right now a bed was a bed. She was walking slowly and not taking a glance at other people but she froze when she saw that someone was standing in her way. She recognized the man. It was the Raikage's right-hand-man, Darui. He was as always unhappy.

„Hello" she said but what she really wanted was to get away.

„You are Sakura, aren't you?" He asked and she only nodded. „In the village for long?" She wanted to cry now but she gathered herself and looked him in the eyes.

„Until I'm needed back home" she answered. „Do you need something from me?" It was unlikely that he just saw her and decided to talk to her.

„Raikage wanted me to make sure that everything's alright with you." It was true. He was also ordered to take her for a coffee and make sure that she doesn't need anything. Dull order but an order.

„Everything's fine"

„Let's grab a drink" he wasn't a coffee guy. She looked at him with slight annoyance. She wasn't there to make friends nor grab drinks with someone she barely even knew but she did know it wasn't his idea either so she sighted and nodded. He took her to a small pub that she's never been to but she hasn't been to man places in this city. It was a loud place with music and a lot of young people.

„What are we to talk about?" She asked him when they sat down with beers in their hands. If he was surprised by the question he didn't show it.

„I don't really know. I am to make sure you are okay, that's all"

„Well, I am okay"

„Even though you hate this place?" She was just about to deny his statement but there was no point in doing so. He knew the truth.

„It's not my home and I miss Konoha, that's all" she was sure that Darui knew exactly why she was there and she didn't feel like discussing this matter with him.

„Understood, but you should give Cloud a chance. We are different people than you lot are but we do have good traits" he loved his city and it's people although he wasn't the most effusive. He couldn't imagine living any place else. And her not seeing what he saw made him kind of angry so now he wanted to change her mind.

„I know. Sorry but I just haven't had the time to see it really" she has but she's spent it alone in her room. Both of them knew that there would be no romance between them but something clicked on some level when they were talking. Maybe she's found a friend in her exile.

They drank their beers and talked about the least important stuff there was. He talked about the holidays they had in the village and she compared them to some of holidays from Konoha. Talking like that strangely didn't make her more homesick but better. She even could say that she has had a good time that evening. They've made plans for him to show her some of the most important places in there and when they parted ways she was smiling.

Next day at the hospital things came back to normal and once again she didn't know what to put her hands in. One patient was a construction worker that had his left leg completely crushed by scaffolding and she's worked for a few hours just to save this mans life and leg. There's been some more emergencies and a few normal cases. When she finished work she was exhausted and almost happy. Being occupied always gave her peace of mind and that's exactly what she needed right now. Going back to her lodging she's been looking at the people that crossed her path for the first time since she's come here. She noticed that most of them were smiling and very loud. It contradicted her conjecture based on observation of the three shinobis she's met so far. Darui wasn't particularly loud and surely smiled a lot less. Omoi was famous for his pessimism and Samui who was very calm. So she's expected Cloud people to be more reserved. It seemed they were more like the two most famous people from this village, Raikage and Killer-B. And in that moment she realized she could fit in here. She was so different than Darui, Omoi and Samui but Raikages personality was more understandable to her. And seeing people on the streets she felt more at home than yesterday. She still wanted to go back to Konoha but she had a chance to make it work here.

Her memories of Konoha weren't fading and some were more alive than before though. She often went back to the early days of her team, to her childhood. It was so long ago that she, Naruto and Sasuke were fighting Kakashi for those stupid bells and she remembered that it was one of very few times she felt stronger than Naruto at least. From that point forward her blonde friend kept on getting better and better and she couldn't catch up to him nor to Sasuke. And it bothered her, she wanted to be strong, to be useful. Her training with Tsunade gave her just that and more. She was strong and fearsome now. She could be even considered a scholar when it came to medicine. Her self esteem was relatively high and yet when she was comparing herself to her two teammates she came up last. And she thought it didn't matter, that she was above this kind of rivalry that existed only in her own head. So when in the middle of the night all she could think about were words that Sasuke's spitted her way she felt as if she was less than enough, less than zero. It shouldn't have bothered her this much what anybody thought of her but it did and it probably always would. Now even more so, after what she has done. Was there something she could do to make up for it? Every single night she had these thoughts and they were there to stay for a long time. She needed to speak to Hinata and apologize. So she wrote her a letter.

Dear Hinata,

I know I'm one of the people you don't want to hear from right now and I understand that. I need to write this letter even if it's only for myself. But I do hope you read it!

I am so sorry for what I have done. I can't find any words to tell you exactly how I feel about it, how I feel about almost doing something irreversible. I was so glad to know you were going to be okay. You are one of my closest friends and I never wanted to lose you. The more I think about this whole situation the more I think how important our bond was to me.

I think I need to tell you why I did what I did but I don't want it to seem as if I'm trying to explain myself, know that there is no justification for my actions.

When we were just out of academy and even before that I was so in love with Sasuke, it was childish love but I didn't know any other. And then it transformed into a broken heart and a broken bond that I desperately wanted to mend. So I made myself believe that I was still in love with him, so much in love that it hurt. Then when the war was over and he was gone again I just went back to thinking about that love that never was. So when I saw you with him I was heartbroken once again. It was the first time that I saw with my own eyes that he wasn't really interested in me. Sure I could have guessed after he almost killed me or when he left me alone again and again but somehow seeing him with somebody else was stronger. And this someone being you was more personal. In my mind you somehow betrayed me by being with him. I know it's stupid and that I don't own him and you don't have to ask for permission to be with anybody but that's how it made me feel. All I wanted was for you to go back to your father, who I was sure wouldn't let you be with him. So when you were in the middle of the fight I thought I'd help your opponents with defeating you. Thought is an overstatement, I don't know if I was thinking at all. My sick idea about love made me do something terrible and I'll regret it always.

So, once again, I'm so so sorry for what I've done. I hope you can forgive me.

xx

Sakura.