Thanks for the awesome response to this fic! If even someone who does not normally read fics of this couple is willing to give it a try, then at least it's a good start :) And thank you, Trigrun and Lisa for all the encouragement to keep writing this story.
Updates might not be as frequent as with IN ANOTHER LIFE, but I'll finish this one too, it's a promise.
I find myself at your door
Just like all those times before
I'm not sure how I got there
All roads—they lead me here
I imagine you are home
In your room, all alone
And you open your eyes into mine
And everything feels better
Taylor Swift ft. Gary Lightbody, "The Last Time"
2. BUT YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE.
Perhaps it is his regret and guilt that has brought him to this point? Is it a punishment or is it a miracle?
It has to be a miracle because he gets a chance to see her again.
He could do it right by her.
But Stefan is greedy, so he can't help but feel frustrated. If he could come back to the moment in time everything started to go wrong, wouldn't it be way before he came back to Mystic Falls? Or walked into Elena's life? Or before his brother killed his best friend?
For all of this he is already late, and now he contemplates about the reasons he's going to give Elena to explain why they just can't be together anymore. It feels like ages ago when they were together, but his journals help him to remember what has happened recently. That's how he knows he's given a lot of reasons to break up in the recent past, at least what is recent for her, only to ignore it and go back on his word anyway.
It's not like he can just tell her: "I'm sorry, but you are going to marry Damon one day, and I am in love with Caroline."
And about her… what's the best he could do for Caroline's sake?
He keeps the small box with the snowglobe in his coat. The first thing Stefan notices when he stops at the entrance of the Grill is that she looks… happy.
It's been a long time since he's seen her smiling like this, and when he hears the sound of her lighthearted laughter, his heart skips a beat.
For years he's watched her mask her loneliness with a smile. They didn't have enough time together to know if he could have really made her happy, but he knows that he was the cause of her bitterness.
Now, however, she's happy because of someone else.
How could he forget this?
Just like he was startled by Elena early this morning, and his brain struggled to come up with excuses to avoid her for the rest of the day.
Because Elena still hasn't fallen in love with Damon, and at this point Stefan had been too focused on her and the vampiric issues in town. And at this point, Caroline wasn't his confidant, and she clearly wasn't his to love.
So she's inside, flirting and smiling at Matt Donnovan.
He only walks in when he sees the guy is back to work and he'll be able to have some time with her.
"Stefan, hi!"
"Hey."
There's a lot he wants to say, but he finds himself unable to utter a single word. Thankfully, Caroline doesn't notice the way he's frozen in her presence, and she keeps talking for the both of them.
"Are you joining us at the Winter Festival today? Elena is going too." She shakes her head, "but duh, you probably knew that."
"Maybe next time. Damon and I… have something to do."
He still has to find a way to explain to his brother what they need to do to solve the problem with the vampires who are now hiding in town, but Stefan just needed to see her first.
Caroline's smile fades at the mention of Damon. If he could have chosen to come back at any moment in time, he'd also come back earlier so he could have done more for her. So he could have protected her better.
"Of course." But her smile is back in a few seconds. "Family plans come first."
Family first.
They had agreed on this once.
"Actually, I was looking for you. In case we don't see each other again this week… Merry Christmas."
He offers the gift box and observes as she raises her eyebrows in surprise.
"Don't tell me you are my secret santa!" She's visibly excited, and again the excitement dies down as she opens the box and sees the snowglobe. "Oh, wow, thanks."
Caroline is as transparent as always with her real thoughts, so it is obvious she's disappointed with what, by her standards, must be a crappy gift. Why did she keep it for so long then?
It's not that he didn't consider improving the present this time around, now that he knows about the things she likes, but it feels like cheating on an important part of their past. Or is it only his past now?
"I'm not good at buying presents. To be honest, I haven't celebrated Christmas in a very long time."
"The way you are saying that, it sounds as if I was complaining or something. But if you already know that you are going to apologize for a crappy gift, then maybe that's a sign that you should put in a bit more effort."
He smiles and nods in agreement.
"I'll do better next year."
The thing about Caroline is that she gets pissed off easily by these things she cares about, but she also forgives just as easily.
"Fine. So, in case we don't see each other again this week, Merry Christmas, Stefan."
Damon stares at him like he's grown two heads when he walks into the living room.
"Is that human blood?"
Stefan smirks. It's not easy, given that this was something that took him years (and a lot of Caroline's supervision) before he could completely control it. The bloodlust that made him the ripper is clearly still there. But he can't make the same mistakes from the past, too afraid to take the risk that he ends up being incapable of helping the people he cares about.
"Thanks to your hundred-years of obsession for Katherine Pierce, now the vampires of the tomb are free to move in our town as they please. If I want to kill them quickly, I need this."
"Who are you and what did you do to Stefan?" Damon asks, and frowns so much it almost feels as if they have switched places. "And what do you mean about the vampires in the tomb? Sheila sealed it back."
He's thought about it in the hour and a half he's been sitting on this couch, waiting for his brother. At this point in time, Damon is still a bastard, even if deep down he wants to be better, and it'd be dangerous to just tell him everything he knows.
"The seal is broken, Damon. And now you know that Katherine doesn't care about you. Are you going to leave Mystic Falls, or are you going to help me this time?"
"How do you even know the seal is broken?" Damon, of course, doesn't trust him.
"I just know. The spell is broken when the witch that casted the spell dies." Sometimes, apparently. He remembers Silas and thinks it's such a good opportunity to get rid of him before the immortal starts creating trouble for them.
And Klaus.
What to do with Klaus? Could he find him now that he is still hiding?
He stands up. The day is not over yet and there's one more thing he has to do.
"I'll be out of town for a few days. Just take care of Elena." He pauses when he reaches the door, "Damon, I hope you don't waste more time mooning over Katherine. There are people around you who truly care about you."
This is the first encounter with Elena since he woke up this morning, and after avoiding her all day, it's clear that she is worried and also relieved when he shows up at her door.
"Stefan," her smile lasts all but three seconds, "is something wrong?"
"We need to talk, Elena."
"You are worrying me."
"Come here," He leads her to the swinging bench on the porch of her house.
Again, it would have been easier to come to a point in time where he and Elena were not together because he doesn't want to hurt her, and he knows he will, even if deep down she might be already falling for Damon. It's always been complicated like that, and if back then Stefan had the clarity he has now and wasn't trying too hard to hold onto her, he might have realized it was better to let her go early on.
"Did something happen with Damon again?"
Stefan smiles. Of course she'd be concerned about his brother.
"He's heartbroken, I think. But he'll be alright."
"Then what is it?"
"I think Katherine is coming back soon. She was never in that tomb, but I am sure now that she has been watching us, and she will come back."
"You sound pretty sure about this." She grabs his hand. "What makes you think so?"
"My one hundred sixty two years of life." He supposes he could tell Elena the truth, the things he does not dare to tell Damon, and she might be more understanding… but no, he isn't able to. It would be too cruel. He'd rather tell the human and unaware Caroline about his true nature than reveal the whole story of this future-past to his likely sister-in-law who is at the moment his girlfriend. "We can't be together anymore."
Elena looks at him with disbelief.
"Again? If it's because of any possible danger, Stefan, we already talked about this. I love you, and I don't care-"
"But you'd care if it's your family who is in danger because of us, wouldn't you?" He sighs, "and that's not the point. I kept wavering in my decision before, we both did. But there's no future for us, so I don't want you to waste your time with me."
She is shocked by his words, and loosens the grip on his hand. "What… are you… are you breaking up with me?"
"I'm sorry, Elena. It's for the best."
"How can you say that? You disappeared all day, and now you tell me this. Where does it even come from?" Great, now she is crying. He gulps down his guilt. "We love each other, any problem we encounter, we'll face it together, Stefan."
"You'll find someone better. I'm sorry, Elena. I've made up my mind about this."
At midnight the town's streets are mostly empty, and he hasn't crossed paths with any vampire of Pearl's group yet. They must still be recovering.
It's a good thing they are not around, because when he ends up in front of Caroline's house (not something he planned, but maybe it was his heart playing games with him). Why is she still outside at these hours in a town full of blood-sucking monsters?
He should tell her, given that Liz will never do it. Even if she has the vervain necklace that he gave Elena to protect her friends, that won't be enough to protect her at night.
And why is she alone?
Is she… crying? Why?
Stefan is already walking towards the porch when he hears the car turning around the corner of the street.
Of course, it's Matt.
For a moment he pictures going there, compelling Matt to leave and tell Caroline his whole truth. But that's not something he can do, because she is happy with someone else right now. What right does he have to interfere?
So he swallows his urge to be the one next to her, and watches her smile and walk into the house (into safety) with her boyfriend. Who is not him.
