The next morning, Ralph, groggy and sore, sits up and stretches. "In hindsight, I should have brought extra blankets to lie on," he grumbles as he stumbles to his feet. Looking back down at the floor, he notices that he is alone.
As he exits the room, he immediately smells the scent of brewing coffee and sizzling bacon. Concerns of the coyote going AWOL are quickly quashed when he sees him at the stove. "Morning, princess," says Wile E. with a smirk. "Did you sleep well?"
"Like a baby," Ralph lies in turn, barely able to restrain the pain in his aching muscles. On the table is a plate with two eggs and strips of bacon, laid out to create a smiley face.
He continues while setting his plate. "I didn't know how you liked your eggs, so I asked your roommate about it. Hopefully I got it right."
The wolf's ears perk up. "You met him already? How long have you been up?"
"Not long. He came and went before I could get a good look at him. Funny accent, that guy."
"I'm surprised you two get along so well. Pepé's usually wary about strangers in his apartment."
Right on cue, in walks a bespectacled skunk, who, upon seeing the two dogs, blinks in drowsy confusion, then proceeds to go pour himself a cup of joe. "Ralph, let me know next time you bring in one of your boyfriends."
Wile nearly chokes on his drink. "Woah, woah, woah! We are not dating!"
"Not yet," Pepé says with a smirk.
Ralph cuts in to correct him. "Pepé, this is my new business partner, Wile E. Coyote."
"Oh, so you're finally going your own way? It was a matter of time. So, what's it about?"
"Mercenary work."
Pepé raises a brow. "That is the stupidest idea I've heard come from your mouth." He takes a sip. "You're going to need my help."
In the surprisingly sizable apartment, the one room which Wile had not seen is locked behind the door adjacent to the bathroom. Pepé takes out a small key buried within his fluffy tail and unlocks it, then pushes it open for all to peer in through. The room is dimly lit, but Wile—being a creature with great night vision—can spot the table full of beakers and flasks, the glass-covered cabinet filled with a limited but still impressive array of bottled chemicals, the lamp-lit desk covered in written documents and blueprints, and the whiteboard with various scribblings and formulas. Inspecting the contents of the cabinet, he says, "Color me impressed. Ralph has good taste in roommates."
"I'm a perfumer by trade, but I can concoct anything your heart desires. Aphrodisiacs, sedatives, explosives, you name it. Consider yourselves lucky, I do not offer my special services to just anyone."
"We haven't even taken any jobs yet. Why are you doing this for us?"
"Benevolence, convenience, whatever you call it, I do this because I want to. Do my motives really matter in this case, Monsieur Coyote?" Wile side-eyes the skunk skeptically, but keeps quiet.
"We can discuss the details later," Ralph interjects. "First, we need clients, or a target to hit. The sooner we get moving, the better."
"No need to rush, mon ami. You will get your job, just leave it to me."
In the Acme City Police Station, Sam Sheepdog sits patiently at his desk, scouring over the details of the most recent case. A scuffle at the ¡Arri-Bar! led to the deaths of three thugs. The owner and manager of the bar, Speedy Gonzales, gave his testimony and even a wallet belonging to one of the victims. What doesn't feel right, however, is the deliberate omission of an important detail: the whereabouts of his co-worker, Ralph. To Sam, the answer is obvious, yet Mr. Gonzales chose not to make it such.
One of his officers, Porky Pig, approaches the desk, stammering while he gives his report. "Depu-dippity-dep-dep-depiddy… Mr. Sheepdog, sir! We've looked through the logs of all the employees' shifts. The last one who was present during the ¡Arri-Bar! incident was a Mr. Ralph Wolf. Wasn't he your old friend from the countryside?"
"Yeah, he was. Thanks for the report. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make a call. You may go now."
As soon as Porky leaves the office, Sam takes out his smartphone and checks his call history. A missed call from Ralph, plus a message left in his inbox. He listens to the message, silently speculating the implications of his old friend's words. Then he makes his own response—also left in message form.
"Hello, Ralph? It's me, Sam. I heard about what happened at work. We're looking into the case as we speak, but you'll have to come into the station to give your part. About that business venture of yours… I dunno what you're thinking, but I'm going to warn you just this once. If you put this city's innocents in danger, I won't show you any mercy."
Word of the ¡Arri-Bar! Incident spread like wildfire, with local news sites sharing what scraps of information had been released to the public before quickly resorting to rumors and conspiracy theories. Ralph takes some amusement from the sheer absurdity of the latter, but his curiosity gets the better of him when a certain name pops up in one of the articles: Canasta.
Nathan "Nasty" Canasta is your typical burly brute, walking and talking like a Wild West outlaw even within these urban confines. While not a particularly big name in the criminal underground, he nonetheless creates a sense of dread around him. The article notes that one of the massacre victims was, in fact, a close relative of his. If true, this would leave a target on Speedy's back.
Pepé finishes packing the bottles of fragrant concoctions into a box and plops it on the coffee table. "Monsieurs Wolf and Coyote, great news! I have a job for you."
Wile inspects the box and its contents. "You want us to help deliver these?"
"Oui. One of my clients lives in a seedier part of the suburbs and I need someone to act as my bodyguards while I give them their order."
"Can't you just send these to the post office and have them handle it?"
"I would, but after a recent mishap with one of my more, ah, unusual orders, I find it is safer to deliver to local clients in person. Besides, I think this might appeal to your sensibilities. Especially you, Ralph."
They drive into the neighborhood, marked by pothole-scarred streets and abandoned houses, and as they reach within sight of their destination, they can see small silhouettes crowding around one specific establishment. Ralph turns into an alley and parks the car. "Pepé, you stay in the car. Me and Wile are going in."
"You're going to need these." The skunk hands them a pink bomb with a heart-shaped insignia on them and two gas masks.
Hiding in the shadows, the two dogs sneak closer to the source of the crowd's attention until their ears pick up on an ongoing conversation.
"Señor Canasta, I've done all I can. What else do you want from me? If it's money—"
"Not money." The sound of a gun's click. "Vengeance. Tell me whose blood I need to shed or it'll be your wife's."
"No, not Estela!" The smaller voice pauses, then continues in a bolder tone. "If it's a fight you want, then fight me. I ain't gonna stand around and get picked on by some overgrown, yellow bellied vaca!"
The other voice belts out a hearty laugh. "You think you can stop me, little mouse? Need I remind you that I run the biggest gang this side of Acme City? It's you against the entire Canasta family!" More guns clicking.
Ralph and Wile peer out from the alley, seeing the crowd of lowlifes surrounding Nasty Canasta and the Gonzales couple. Putting on his gas mask, he whispers, "Grab a weapon. I'm going in."
As Nasty Canasta prepares his aim, his beady eyes burn into Speedy's soul and his beard-lined lips cackle in his ears. "Buenas noches, little mous—"
His words are cut off by a soft tap against his foot. He looks down, and sees a pink heart shape staring back at him. Before he can process what's going on, the heart-marked orb explodes, releasing odorous fumes which sting his eyes and nose, along with everyone else's.
Around him, his fellow clansmen are knocked unconscious by two swift-moving figures. He squints, hoping to find the mice he was previously threatening, but they were nowhere in sight. He flails wildly, shooting his gun every which way, but achieving nothing of worth. In his fury, his grip loosens, allowing one of the figures to seize the opportunity. The last thing he can sense is the sound of a bullet as it zips through the back of his head.
As the fumes clear out, the bodies of Canasta and his gang litter the street in varied states of bloodiness. Wile drops the rusty pipe he was holding and kicks one of the corpses aside. "Guess that takes care of them. How's the rodent?"
Ralph glances behind him, briefly locking eyes with Speedy as his wife is in conversation with Pepé. "Give me a moment. I'll meet you in the car." He approaches his former boss and takes off his mask. "Hey, boss. Didn't think I'd get to see you again like this," he greets with an awkward laugh.
"Neither did I, but I ain't complaining. Your amigo just told me the whole story. So you're going rogue now, huh? Can't say I'm surprised, but you saved my tail, so I say ¡andelante!" He snaps his fingers. "That reminds me. I should pay you back somehow. You're still looking for clients, ¿si? Well, I heard through the grapevine about an all-bird gang who's smuggling in cargo from overseas, and…"
Their conversation is cut short by the distant sound of police sirens. "Sorry, but that's my cue to go. But I'll look into that offer." Ralph sprints off, shouting "¡Gracias y adiós!" as he disappears into the shadows.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Another chapter? So soon? Why, yes, it is. After looking it over, I couldn't find much that needed major refining, despite my initial worries, so I figured it was safe to release it. Not only does it have a bit more going on, but it introduces characters old and new, some of whom will play bigger roles as the plot rolls on.
Before I wrap up, I think I should address this while it's still early. Pepé Le Pew in this particular iteration is very heavily reinterpreted. Initially, it was part of an attempt to come up with a version of him that is less... problematic in design, but the more I developed him behind the scenes, the more he diverged from his classic characterization. He would have been a controversial addition all the same, but excluding him would cause even more trouble for me, so I'm leaving him in with the personality that I already have set up and throwing caution to the wind. The character differences will become more apparent over time, so there's a chance that readers will slowly warm up to him by then.
Also, sorry for the possibly mangled use of Spanish phrasing and punctuation. I tried my best to translate and add words as it seemed appropriate or at least Speedy-like, but I'm sort of rusty with the language on top of straight up amateurish, so the execution is a bit mixed in my eyes.
I think that handles everything I wanted to say for now. Episode Three is still in the works, but expect another major character, more action, and a possible cameo from a spin-off some of you may know about. Until then, stay tuned!
4/28/2022 UPDATE: Made some alterations to the text and dialogue in the third and fourth scenes, polishing some narrative phrases and fixing some dialogue to better line up with the continuity of later chapters.
