Since the debacle in Acme Studios went public, Wolf & Coyote's Item Reclamation and Personal Negotiation Services—Sylvester's attempt at euphemizing the duo's legally dubious occupation into something more PR-friendly—has received a drastic increase in clientele. They've accepted all kinds of odd jobs, ranging from rescuing lost pets to "negotiating" with local gang leaders, and the payment varies just as wildly.

Wile E., covered in scratches and bruises, drags himself into the apartment and flops himself on the couch. Following close by is Ralph, who collapses before he can even cross the doorway. As Pepé drags the wolf in and proceeds to mend their injuries, he expresses his perturbation. "Comment diable…? What got you two in such a mess?"

"Cat got stuck in a tree," Wile answers.

"A really, really big cat," adds Ralph.

"At least the zookeepers paid well."

Pepé's brows furrow with worry. "You two have been working yourselves too hard. You should take it easy for a bit."

Ralph adjusts himself to a more comfortable position, his joints and neck cracking in pain all the while. "A massage would be great right about now. Come to think of it, I don't think Wile's seen much of the city, have you, buddy?"

"Can't say I have. I've been meaning to take a research trip to the library, but never found the time."

"Why go to a ratty old library when Looney exists?" Ralph waggles his phone. "That reminds me, you still don't have a smartphone, do you? We can go shopping for one this weekend. Oh, and we can go to a café and see a movie and…"

During their conversation, Pepé turns on the television and is about to change the channel when a news segment pops up, reported by a green and yellow parakeet named Barry Budgie. "This weekend, the Acme Legacy Museum of Outstanding Science and Technology will be holding a special exhibition where ACME Corporation will be revealing never-before-seen creations. Bugs Bunny, CEO of ACME Corp, will be personally attending the grand opening. When asked about what to expect from this show, he responds with, 'It will be out of this world'. Quite the bold statement, if I say so myself."

The two wild dogs, ears perked in curiosity throughout the segment, turn to look at each other, sly smirks across their faces. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Wiley?"

"Looks like our plans got made for us."


The day arrives and the two excitedly prepare for the evening occasion. Ralph is especially meticulous in regards to dress, struggling to toe the line between "date night" formal and "just two bros hanging out" casual. "Hey, Wiles, which one do you like more?" he asks while holding up two tops: a red V-cut wrap-around sweater and a white polo shirt with red trim and mid-length sleeves.

Wile, who is occupied with digging through a box full of used clothing delivered from Sylvester's residence, takes a quick glance at the garments, shrugs, and picks the former. He pulls out a Hawaiian shirt and cringes.

"You need help with that?"

"Nah, I'll bear with it," he answers as he digs up a pale blue dress shirt and slips it on. After buttoning it up, he instantly notices something off. The shirt hangs loosely on his frame, and paradoxically the sleeves end right before the wrist—proportions more fit for a stouter cat than a taller, lankier canine.

"If you're going to be wearing that, you might as well match it with some pants." Ralph rummages through the closet and tosses a pair of blue jeans to the coyote. Compared to the shirt, the fit is notably better, though it is still a bit loose. "You'll fill into it sooner or later. Here's a belt in the meantime." He steps back and inspects the ensemble. "There's something still missing… Ah, I've got it!" Once again, he searches the closet, then takes out a black leather motorcycle jacket. "Try this on."

Intrigued, Wile slips it on without hesitation. Compared to everything else he's tried on, it's a perfect fit. He re-adjusts the blouse and zips the jacket up. "Hm. Not bad. I like it. What do you think, Ralph?"

Ralph's heart stops for a second. Between the informal elegance of the dress shirt and casual edge of the jacket and jeans, Wile E. oozes coolness. Swallowing his nerves, he whispers, "You. Look. Incredible!"


The Acme Legacy Museum of Outstanding Science and Technology—often shortened to A.L.M.O.S.T in casual conversation—is a display of the numerous advances made within the ACME Corporation, ranging from military-grade weapons to pharmaceutical solutions, with several items on display for the general public to appreciate. In addition to exhibits, the museum holds workshops for groups of all ages to engage in to expand their knowledge base, and has even offered scholarships and internships for college-level students looking to enter the STEM fields. In short, A.L.M.O.S.T is a fertile breeding ground for future scientists and inventors.

"As CEO of ACME Corporation, it's my responsibility not only to keep the company running, but to ensure the safety and prosperity of all whom it reaches," Bugs explains to the crowd of onlookers from the podium. "That includes all the residents of Acme City, regardless of species, gender, class, et cetera. It is with this responsibility that I hereby show to you the latest and greatest of our discoveries to inspire current and future generations to take action and make this world a better place."

The museum opens up and the crowd starts swarming in. Wile E., Ralph, and Pepé swerve around the throng to enter the lobby. "You and I will start in the Armory and go clockwise from there," Ralph discusses his plan to Wile.

"Fine by me, but would it be alright if we drop by Robotics on the way? The directory says there's a show about to start in a half-hour, and I don't want to miss it."

"Duly noted. So Armory and Robotics, then everything else." He turns to Pepé. "How about you? You coming with us?"

Pepé shakes his head. "If you need me, I'll be in the Chemistry wing." He struts off, only turning back to comment, "Have fun on your rendez-vous d'amour!"

"Why does he insist that we're dating?" Wile E. grumbles, popping up the flaps of his jacket's lapel in embarrassment.

Laughing nervously, Ralph pats his shoulder. "Don't pay him much mind, Wiles. He loves to tease. Now, onto the Amour-y!"


In the Chemistry wing, the walls are lined with glass-encased displays of scientist mannequins handling test tubes and flasks, a mural based on the periodic table, and video screens broadcasting information and stock footage of ACME Corp's R&D department. One corner has children toiling away at fun activities which involve pouring simple household substances into liquids to change colors or create a fizzing effect. Glass-covered podium displays dot the main floor, protecting bottles, cans, and packages of various ACME products, ranging from medicinal tonics and pellets to volatile powders and gas bombs. Ogling the displays and demonstrations, Pepé is reminded of what fascinates him about the subject: the simultaneously destructive and beneficial properties of the very compounds which make up the foundation of all things. Just like love, chemistry is all about interactions.

Once he hits the end of the main floor, he is about to turn back when he spots another hallway. Curious, he takes his first steps into the mysterious path. Progressing further down, he notices the lights gradually dimming, becoming almost pitch black save for a strange green light emanating from the opposite end. The light draws him in, his mind reeling with speculative imagery as his small feet's pitter-patters bounce off the walls.

The green light glows brighter as he walks closer to it, peaking when he emerges into a mostly-dark room lit solely by neon strips. In the center is a life-sized glass tube filled with a strange lime green substance of indeterminate matter. Velvet ropes held up by stanchions surround the tube, and in front is a small exhibition sign that reads:

ILLUDIUM

Created from minerals mined from Mars and other far-off planets, this mysterious substance has been the subject of ACME's R&D department for over ten years. Dubbed "the universal reagent" by our researchers, it has been theorized as being the key to achieving the otherwise impossible, including the creation of a real-life Philosopher's Stone.

"Impressive, eh?"

Startled, Pepé turns towards the source of the unknown voice. Standing beside him is none other than Bugs Bunny, staring at the Illudium with an ambiguous smile across his face. Brushing his gloved hand against the surface of the glass, he resumes nonchalantly. "'Course, this is just a replica. The real stuff is much more beautiful to look at. I knew someone who was allured by its properties, who sincerely believed it was the key to helping him find the one thing he lacked: love. Unfortunately, he disappeared 'bout thirteen years ago and hasn't been seen since." His eyes turn downward towards the skunk, a glimpse of red piercing the darkness. "I wonder what he would think if he was here with us."

Bugs' gaze sends shivers down his spine, and his heart rate rises. Reflexively, he turns away to stare at the Illudium, stammering, "I don't know… Why are you telling me this?" But when he looks back, the rabbit is gone.


In the Armory, Wile and Ralph examine and discuss a display featuring ACME's new "Three Kingdoms" collection. The product line, made as part of a collaboration with foreign manufacturer Lycopolis, consists of weapons and tools ranging from a remastered replica of Guan Yu's Green Dragon Crescent Blade to a modernized reinvention of Zhuge Liang's misattributed-but-famously-associated repeating crossbows. Though the descriptive blurbs gloss over the sheer complexity in the recreated artifacts' historical context, what little details are available are written to engage the general audience.

"'The Zhuge Liang Repeating Crossbow's arrows are built with shafts from which the user can store chemicals, such as sedatives and poisons, within them, and screw-on heads specially designed to allow the chemical to seep through into the body, adding an extra punch to each penetrative shot,'" Wile E. reads one of the blurbs. "If Pepé was here right now, he'd have a few things to say about this, I'm sure."

"It's a bit quaint-looking, but it adds to the timelessness," Ralph comments. "If you're interested, I can order you one as an early birthday gift."

Wile raises a brow. "You sure? This sort of 'ambush' style suits you better than it does me. Let me order it for you instead."

"Wiley, you don't have to do that. I insist—"

Ralph's statement is cut off as the coyote grabs his arm and drags him out. "We'll talk about this later. The robotics show starts in five minutes!"

They barely make it to the showroom in time, and as they scour for seating, they spot Sylvester and Junior waving at them. "Mr. Coyote, Mr. Wolf," Junior greets them excitedly as they settle down next to him, "I can't believe you're actually here!" He turns to talk to his neighbor, a tiny, large-headed chick with round glasses, and whispers something brief before returning to the duo. "This is my buddy, Egghead Jr. He's the smartest kid I know."

"We're keeping him company while his mother's out on her date," Sylvester clarifies. "Both of them wanted to come here, so I thought, 'Why not?'"

As Ralph and Sylvester are chatting, Wile's attention is focused on Egghead, whose beady eyes are downturned and face scrunched into an expression of repressed pain. His own expression instinctively mirrors that of the child. Though he knows almost nothing about him, Wile can sense a great amount of grief—a feeling he is all too familiar with. Even as the movie starts, he cannot find the incentive to look up at the screen, his thoughts weighed down by a depressing burden.


After the show's end, they head out to explore the rest of the museum together when Sylvester's phone buzzes. He stops to check, and puts it away seconds later. "Sorry, I gotta take a call. Mind watching the boys for me?"

His mind still half-occupied by Egghead's unusual behavior, Wile answers, "Sure thing. We're about to head into Computer Tech…" Junior tugs at his jeans, pointing at the entrance to the neighboring wing. "On second thought, we'll be in Chemistry."

Sylvester parts ways with the others and exits the museum, the cold breeze hitting him as he steps outside. He treks down the stairway to the bottom step, where Pepé sits, staring up at the waning moon. "I came as soon as I called," Sylv says as he sits beside him. He pauses to observe his friend's behavior. The skunk's gaze is skyward, his breath shaky as his tiny hands clench nervously at his tail. "What happened?"

Pepé's breath slows and he lowers his gaze. "Sylvester, we've known each other a long time, have we not? I should be satisfied with my life as it is, and yet…" His pink eyes look up at Sylvester. "I cannot help but wonder what my life was like before then."

"Pepé…" His voice trails off, realizing they are heading into sensitive territory. "Whatever it is you need, I can help you. But I have to ask: are you ready for what we might find? I mean, there has to be a reason behind your memory loss, and if what we learn about your past life was—"

"I don't care what it takes or what happens next," the skunk snaps. "If it would help me to feel complete, then I must take that chance!" Softening his voice, he resumes. "Also, I feel like I am forgetting something important. Something which, if I cannot recall it, may prove dangerous for us all. Sylvester, I need to know… who was I before I became Pepé Le Pew?"


"Wile E., have you seen this thing before?" Junior asks as he points to a display with a tiny pebble and a small sign which reads "ACME Instant Rock".

"Yeah, it, uh, certainly works," he answers while scratching the back of his head. Several ACME inventions displayed Wile recognizes on sight, usually for the worse. "What do you think, Egghead?" Pause. "Egghead?"

As the coyote becomes aware of the situation, he asks Ralph to watch over Junior and looks around until he finds an area previously unseen. He progresses down the strange hallway, becoming more enshrouded in shadow until he reaches the strange green light at its end. In the new room he finds himself in, green neon lights illuminate the darkened walls, and the centerpiece of the space is a tall tube filled with a green substance that looks like a cross between a lava lamp and a glowstick. Standing before it, green light reflecting off of his glasses as he reads the small sign, is Egghead.

"There you are," Wile calls out to him as he catches up to him. He gives the sign a quick read, then looks up at the tube. "So this is what that rabbit meant when he said it's 'out of this world'." He takes a look around the rest of the room, spotting more displays hiding within the darkness. Behind glass cases are replicas of old flasks, excerpts from aged occult tomes, and a jar preserving what appears to be a miniature humanoid. Splashed across a wall is a quote which reads, "Man is a microcosm, or a little world, because he is an extract from all the stars and planets of the whole firmament, the earth, and the elements; and so he is their quintessence."

"Paracelsus," a tiny voice cheeps, prompting Wile to pay attention to the chick once again. "That's who that quote is from. Father and I used to go to the museum together, and each time, we would pass through this room. I never fully understood why he liked this stuff, but now that he's gone…" Egghead averts his gaze, his pained expression from earlier returning in full force.

Wile opens his mouth to speak, but the words are caught in his throat. Instead, he takes a moment to swallow up his nerves and give the child time to process his feelings. "I get what you're thinking. I lost my dad around your age, and it's messed me up inside. But I pushed through despite the pain, and I was able to keep on living. I had to, for his sake and mine." Glimpsing briefly at the various alchemical artifacts, he concludes, "There's no way to bring the dead back, but we can find ways to ensure that their legacy lives on within us." He looks back at the exit, then back to Egghead. "C'mon, let's head back. I'm sure your friend's worried sick about you."

As they start heading out, Wile's eyes take one last passing glance at the Illudium tube. Is this strange substance capable of creating miracles, or is it merely a pipe dream touted as such by a powerful corporation? Like a carrot dangling in front of a horse, the promise it brings is too good to be true, and yet there it is, waiting for someone to take it.


Author's Notes

It's been a bit of a while since my last upload, and as you can probably tell from the sheer length, there's a reason for that. Admittedly, I was on the fence about splitting this one up, since I felt it would stick out like a sore thumb compared to other chapters in its current state, but I also felt that all of the museum-related events needed to be together for the sake of flow (the Tweety mini-arc at least had the excuse of being split to add tension; this one, not so much). I'm also a bit iffy about how I wrote certain details and in general, but that's nothing unusual for me at this point.

This chapter is one where I'll admit to being a bit more self-indulgent in the types of themes and stuff I like to write in, most notably those that take place in the alchemy/Illudium exhibit room. The Paracelsus quote I legitimately had a difficult time with due to being unable to decide which one seemed the most relevant for the story. Even now, I'm sort of unsure as to whether it fits the situation or setting; several of the ones I transcribed in my notebook can fit what I have written and/or planned.

As of this typing, the next chapter is already in the works, so I might have that out sometime down the line, provided there's no significant delays. In the meantime, I might as well focus on copying the notes from AO3 to here and maybe do the occasional minor edit. Stay tuned!

11/23/2021 UPDATE: Due to recent developments in the story, a minor alteration has been done to the Armory scene to add a bit of foreshadowing. A note will be made regarding the change in a future chapter when relevant.