I'm having so much fun with this. Let them have more good moments before I start torturing my favorite characters again.


All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you

All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

My hands are shaking from all this

Taylor Swift, "Dress"


10. Inescapable (I'm not even gonna try)

The fact that she doesn't feel as heartbroken as she should be when Matt breaks up with her probably says a lot about her heart.

"I just… I just can't be with someone who isn't here, Caroline. I think you spend more time with Stefan than with me these days."

Well, of course, because first she was giving him space after finding out about Vicki, and since he was still trying to make it work with his mom. Later, it was the whole revelation of the vampire thing, which she wanted to tell him so badly, but couldn't do so without becoming the traitor between all her other friends.

But it isn't as if Matt had been doing much effort before the accident with Tyler anyway. No, Caroline knows that she was always walking the extra mile. Trying her best, as she always did. When she stopped doing so, everything crumbled to pieces.

As it always happened to her.

This time, however, she doesn't feel that upset. Working so hard to be loved is tiring, and at the end of the day… she still feels the same void inside.

Don't you ever feel like there's not a person in the world who loves you?

But there is someone who makes her feel she doesn't have to try so hard after all.

It's funny, because just months ago that was the same guy who rejected her at once and said nothing would happen between them. It had made her feel so insignificant at that moment.

But ever since, Stefan had only been nice to her, and then he became her friend. Caroline thinks she's never had a friend like him before, either (and it's not just because he's a vampire). She's always had to be careful with Bonnie and Elena, worrying when she'll go too far and say or do something that she shouldn't. What if she loses their friendship then? What if she cannot even keep her status as Bonnie's Elena backup or Elena's Bonnie backup?

The girls in the cheerleading team respect her because she is good at what she does, but if she fell behind one day? None of those would bother in being nice anymore.

It's the same everywhere she goes.

Then there's Stefan. He never makes demands, and he trusts her when no one else would. She knows that he used to have a best friend, but Damon killed the girl (honestly, she'd kill Damon for that if she were his sister). Even so, she doesn't feel like she has to compete with anyone else for a spot in his life.

As long as they stay friends.

Truthfully, until the moment Katherine comes to threaten her and she freaks out and decides to keep her distance from him. He solves the problem by killing the woman who he probably still had feelings for not long ago, considering he got close to Elena first because she looked like the vampire-bitch.

So this is the length he'll go to protect his friends.

"He likes you," Bonnie tells her.

"Of course he does, we're friends."

"Not like that."

Her friend raises an eyebrow, as if waiting until she stops playing dumb. But Caroline doesn't want to consider this possibility, and does her best to make the thoughts disappear when they cross her mind. She's never felt like she has to compete against someone else for her spot in Stefan's life.

But if it's true? If there's a chance there's more to it than friendship?

What does it say about her that she got involved with Matt first, and now she starts wondering about Stefan? Both Elena's exes.

It's always going to be a competition, and she's tired of it.


"I like you."

"But why?"

It makes much more sense when guys like her at first sight and then give up half-away because she's too hard to deal with. Stefan saying he likes her now, after months of knowing each other? Not so much.

"Because you are you."

The smart thing to do, of course, is to cut this off right here before it turns into something she cannot control.

And what does she do instead?

She kisses him because she just needs to know what it feels like. Maybe she can kiss him and he'll find out this isn't what he wants after all, retreat just like Matt did before him, and that's the end of it.

Stefan holds her firmly and kisses her back as soon as her lips touch his. There's no rejection, and no hesitation. What she feels instead is a fire spreading from her fingertips to her belly to the tips of her toes. It burns in the best way possible, and maybe, just maybe, the world is spinning around (or maybe that's the fact that she somehow ends up sitting on the counter, her legs wrapped around his waist as his lips descend to her neck, kissing her so slowly is torture).

He wants her. And god, she wants him too.

But this can't be happening!

This is Stefan Salvatore, who is handsome, impossibly hot, the kindest guy she knows, and now she thinks he's very likely good in bed too. But how long is he going to see her under this light? What if she falls for him? Eventually he'll lose interest, and then she'll be ruined for anyone else.

"Stop… Stefan…"

He breathes in deeply, pressing his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry."

"That's not what I mean. Why are you apologizing?" Then she notices his bloodshot eyes. She can see the veins around them. "Are you okay?"

He smirks. "I overestimated myself."

She frowns, kind of pissed that he isn't being clear, but then she gets it. He must be… hungry. This is the moment where any sane person would take him to the door and say 'this is not going to happen ever again', just like she'd been trying to do just a minute ago anyway.

Caroline isn't sane anymore.

"Let's go back to the living room." She smiles, "we can always try again later."