So this is more like a continuation of yesterday's chapter, but it's Caroline's turn now.


In this miraculous time that becomes forever in one moment
You are my destiny. You are my love

Even if my swaying heart breaks down in the embrace of the moonlight
Because you're here, I can breathe

Because it's you, I can get through this crazy trouble
Because it's you, I can walk this endless travel
Because where you are is my heaven

Ailee, "My last love"


13. Sisyphus.

When it came to vampires, Caroline had it clear how to defend herself. She got vervain, and she wasn't about to invite just anyone into her house. She would stab someone with her pencil if necessary.

But she had not expected for a dog to barge into her room and jump on her. A werewolf. Another woman follows him, and tells her this is just retribution.

She only understands what happened long after she wakes up, broken glasses and blood covering her usually spotless floor.

First, she starts cleaning just in case her mom comes and sees this (unlikely, seeing that it is almost dawn and she isn't home yet).

When she picks up the lamp that fell next to the night table, she suddenly sees herself holding it as a weapon against Damon.

He feeds on her. He is a monster.

Caroline is not stupid and understand what has happened to her. Mason tried to kill Stefan but was killed instead, and then some wolves who were probably his friends came after her, who was with him the whole night.

They killed her.

She's dead.

And as she drank Stefan's blood to heal last night, now she is one step away from becoming a vampire herself.

Her hand shakes when she looks for his number on her phone, and in the end decides against calling him. Stefan…

They are in a bathroom (it's at the school, she thinks) and he promises he's not going to let anything happen to her.

Stefan, he always blames himself, puts the weight of the world on his shoulders. She hates it.

Why is he like that?

Suddenly all she feels is anger, and without realizing it, she tightens her grip on the phone and it breaks in her hand. So of course, she panics and the only other person she can think of at a moment like this is Bonnie.

Bonnie will know what to do. She's a witch. There must be a way to fix this, right?


But Bonnie looks crestfallen when she arrives and hears what happened. She offers to call Elena, or even Stefan, but Caroline just shakes her head.

She isn't ready to see Stefan when she is feeling so confused, and she definitely doesn't want to bring Elena into this considering how strained their friendship is lately.

"I'll ask Stefan to bring you blood. It doesn't have to be from a living person, that's what I've learned. So you don't need to hurt anyone. And I am going to make you a daylight ring, I'll look into the grimoire…"

She is barely listening at this point.

After drinking the tea Bonnie has prepared for her and forcing the awful taste down her throat, she knows her body is asking for something else right now. For a moment, Caroline considers if this is how it is going to be with everyone, maybe it's time to just end it here.

Why is she so tired?

She wants to live.

Her parents will hate them if she decides to live.

"This is not what I wanted for you, Caroline. But I don't want you to die either. I think you have to do this."

She laughs bitterly.

"Can't you see it or what? I already died, Bonnie."

She's dead and assaulted by memories she doesn't want. Some of those memories are recent: Damon abusing her, forcing her to do things, insulting her and threatening to kill her at every turn. Other memories feel like a distant dream. Bonnie, old and gray, apologizing to her for some reason Caroline can't quite understand. Caroline, apologizing to her friend too, even when Bonnie doesn't even know why she feels so regretful.

Guilty and regret are powerful feelings that don't let you either live or die in peace.


"I'm so sorry." She doesn't want him to apologize, but he does it anyway, his hand holding hers tightly.

"It's not your fault."

They live in Mystic Falls, so chances are this would have happened to her one way or another, or she would have been killed at the end of a bad day.

"I know this is your decision to make," his green eyes are digging into her soul, "but please."

He pulls her into a familiar embrace, and she gives in, breathing in his scent, hiding her face on his chest to avoid seeing him in the eye.

It's almost as if he's begging, and it hurts. This is when Caroline just knows, everything is so different now from the blurry memories that get mixed in her head. Right now it would be so easy to get lost in them, but he is there, the lifeline that keeps her in the present.

Stefan loves her.

It is love, this kind of love that goes on and on, the kind of love she's always wanted to find.

And although she cannot fully understand why, it makes her cry.

Of course she's going to go through this.