Hello! It's been a while but it's really difficult to write these days. I hope this chapter kind of makes up for the long absence.
When the rain came, it washed us out to sea
I'm holding what I love and she's holding on to me
It's no surprise, it brought me to my knees
You're never really ready, you're ready as can be
The sun was coming up, we were sifting through the sand
Looking for the pieces of our broken plans
It's gonna take a while, we're gonna get it back
We gotta carry on darling, we were built to last
The Fray, "Changing tides"
21. FALL INTO THE DARK
In the past, it was always Caroline who had more trouble sleeping or just staying in bed, but sometimes Stefan only falls asleep by looking at her. Eyes closed and golden locks spread on the pillow, she is beautiful. It's been so long since this started that he cannot remember a time when he didn't love her. Or maybe that's wrong. He remembers, of course, but it is so lacking in happiness and peace that he'd rather not remember at all.
But when sleep doesn't come to either of them, and this is one of those nights, they draw castles in the air.
What if they stop pretending to be teenagers and actually get to do things just as they please?
Only this time, it might actually happen. Still, living a normal life (just living, without running from death or towards it) is a foreign idea to Stefan, so it's not strange that Caroline is the one to suggest it first.
"I want to go on vacation after this."
"We should. Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know. Somewhere sunny, near the sea, I guess."
"We could also live somewhere else. We don't have to stay in Mystic Falls for the rest of our lives."
He wonders what that life she pictures looks like, that life where they could be humans and age and have a family of their own. Stefan thinks it's a scenario where Caroline wouldn't want to stay in Mystic Falls forever. She was always meant to thrive in big places.
She just smiles and sighs loudly.
"Of course we'll live somewhere else. We can't stay here forever if we don't age, do we?"
It doesn't have to be that way, he wants to be able to say this with certainty. They have the cure. But long as there is no solution for the curse, the best thing they can do is to avoid death at all costs.
So all he can do is agree, wrap his arms around her and hug her tightly.
"I love you so much, you know that, right"
He can feel her smile.
"I know. I love you too."
When he wakes up, the sun rays are entering the room through the open windows and he can hear Caroline in the kitchen, bickering with Damon as they have breakfast. It is not as if they like each other more these days. Stefan thinks she is just falling back to the dynamics she had been used to before in the same way she acts with Klaus as if they have known each other forever (his brother, of course, would end up getting along with her anyway).
A little voice in the back of his head still whispers and wonders about Carolines moments of silence when it comes to Damon, but it is easy to think this is just what their lives should be like, what it would have been like if they actually stayed married for more than one day.
In fact, for about two weeks life became as perfect as it could appear to be for people like them, if one could disregard the broken relationship between Caroline and Liz, who left thinking she is absolutely disappointed with her daughter who ran away from home and determined not to have anything to do with either Caroline or the Salvatore family in the future.
Or the fact that Bill Forbes remains locked in the basement.
He is just leaning on the doorframe and looking at her when her eyes stop on him, and the smile brightens her face.
"Good morning. I am meeting Bonnie to get our hair done for the party tonight, so don't forget-
He cups her face in his hands and kisses her.
"I'll pick you up at seven. Got it."
"Wait, isn't Elena going to be with Bonnie today, too?" Damon raises an eyebrow. "So what, you are showing the white flag?"
Even though Elena spends considerable time at the boarding house with Damon, she and Caroline are not on speaking terms, which just makes things weird for everyone. Neither of them have said a word, so Stefan and Damon don't know what it is this time, because those two have a history of being at odds but it never lasts for so long.
"I am being civil because of Bonnie."
He and Damon exchange glances, and Caroline kisses him one last time before leaving. His brother shrugs, and keeps sipping his coffee while reminding him of the Jules situation.
"I'll pay a visit to our lovely and soon to be useful wolf. Make sure she is not trying to kill herself again."
"Suit yourself."
Now that he is no fueled by anger, Stefan feels a bit of remorse for keeping the werewolf captive and torturing her with the knowledge of her impending sacrifice. But then he remembers why she is in that situation, what she did to Caroline, and it seems fair. He's by no means a saint.
There's a call on the door not long after Damon leaves, just when he is getting started on his journal entry.
"I thought you would be with Caroline and Bonnie."
"Yeah, I'm going there, I just…" Elena sighs and he sees her shoulders relax. "I want to do this right and move on, you know."
He frowns. "I thought you already did that. Elena, I am sorry."
"You should be. You lied to me." She stops him. "Stefan, you made me think it was just a noble sacrifice on your part, so I convinced myself you still loved me and somehow… somehow I ruined it because I started to have feelings for Damon too. But the truth is, you didn't break up with me because you were worried about me. I realized it when I saw you and Caroline, but I didn't want to admit it. I just don't understand. When did it happen? When did you fall for her?"
"Will it really change anything?"
"Between you and me? No. But it changes everything."
Between her and Caroline, then.
"It happened gradually, so I can't really tell you when. I was already in love with her when we broke up."
He sees her close her fists so tightly her knuckles turn white, but then, again, she sighs.
"She never did anything. It was all you, right?"
"It was all me."
"Fine. You should have told me so from the beginning. You are a coward, Stefan." Her brown eyes throw darts at him. "I really do hope you treat her better than you treated me, do you understand?"
He holds back a smile. Elena isn't wrong, after all, it seems he is still a coward when it comes to facing his problems. While trying to avoid her pain in the beginning, he just stole her opportunity to have some closure and fractured hers and Caroline's friendship all these months.
"I know."
"Good. Maybe I'll die soon, and I don't want to be on bad terms with you anymore."
So it is troubling her in spite of her apparent acceptance of it. With the full moon approaching, it becomes difficult not to feel a bit conflicted about what he is pushing her to do. But this is her choice, after all, and what she would have done anyway if he or Damon were not interfering with her life all the time.
So Damon has gone to take care of one of their prisoners, so Stefan goes to see the other that's right under their roof.
Bill Forbes rejects the tray of food, but he leaves it nearby, because the man will surely give in later, when he's alone.
This is someone that disgusts Stefan the most.
"Eat. Don't let your daughter feel responsible for you being in this state."
"I don't blame her. I blame you." Bill mutters angrily. "You turned her into a monster."
He said this before, and it haunted Caroline for years to come. Stefan knows the feeling all too well, he remembers what the look of contempt in his father's eyes did to him (the day he killed him).
So he wraps his hand around the man's throat.
"I don't want to hear you referring to her like that ever again, do you understand?"
"That's what you and your brother are. What all of your kind are. Of course you want her to be like you, but I am her father and I only want to save her."
Stefan growls and shoves him against the wall.
This is what Caroline has to endure every time she comes to feed her father, and yet she insists on doing it as if everything is fine.
Bill laughs.
"Go on. Show her what you really are."
Then he smells the blood. The man grabbed a piece of the broken dish and cut his hand. It is a simple trick, but it works nonetheless. Stefan, however, has more self control than he did in his past life, he has learned his lesson, and would never feed on Caroline's father.
Or kill him. Even if he wants to do so right now.
"I am sorry. I should have come here before I left." Caroline's soft voice calls him back, and he turns to see her standing at the door.
But she glances at her father, and her eyes turn into steel.
"You are like this… but you still wanted to torture Stefan?"
"Care…"
She walks closer to her dad, and kneels in front of him.
"I just want you to see what he truly is. What you are going to be if you stay like this."
"Twice you tortured me this way, and twice I didn't have time to forgive you. At least as far as I can remember. So I didn't want you to end up dead this time too."
She is always kind and bubbly, so the times she acts coldly it hits harder than it should. But Stefan recognizes in her tone of voice what she has in mind, dark thoughts clouding her mind.
"Let's just go upstairs, Care."
"No. I know him. He is so damn stubborn that he is going to keep trying until you do something… and Damon is right, as much as I hate to admit it, we can't live like this forever."
"You want to kill me now?" Bill chuckles. "You are willing to go so far?"
"You said it yourself, Caroline. That's not the kind of person we want to be."
Her blue eyes find him.
"We know there is something more important than that."
They are vampires, as much as they try to respect human life… when it comes to their loved ones, the rest of the world just becomes insignificant in comparison.
"I hope this is the last time we go down this road. Goodbye, dad."
She breaks her father's neck and his lifeless frame falls to the floor.
Stefan grabs her hand, but she just keeps staring at Bill.
"If it had to be someone, better me than you."
This is so not okay.
