"Despite its outlawing, Nerv has access to cloning technology. They have a live specimen." Japanese Ministry of the Interior report on Nerv
X
Warm sunlight tickled Shinji's eyelids. Slowly cracking open his eyes, he blinked at the midday sun that shone through open windows.
Where am I?
He was in a hospital, or at least something of the sort. Crisp yet soft sheets wrapped him up in a bed, offset by an itchy hospital gown. Outside stretched Hakone, although from here a few more pine forests sprouted up.
Shinji tenderly sat up, fuzziness clouding his head. His arm and chest felt sore and airy. He ran his hands through his hair and let out a sigh, then froze as the memories resurfaced.
Two beady black eyes bore into him from the depths of his subconscious.
Shinji's heart leapt into his throat and pounded for all it was worth. His hands rubbed his face as a ghostly, bone armoured hand, reached out from the blackness of memory to snatch him. Cold fingers squeezed his chest.
Fight it.
Shinji started counting his breaths and forced them to slow down. Slowly but surely, the phantom grip relinquished, and his lungs felt free again.
See? Just like mother told you.
The door opened and a nurse walked in, pausing at the sight of an awake Shinji.
"Oh…good morning." He said, sheepishly.
She smiled faintly. "It's afternoon I'm afraid, Ikari-san. We just saw your heart rate go through the roof, so I came to check on you."
"My heart rate?" Shinji looked down and realised he'd half a dozen wireless electrodes on his chest; the hair around them was shaved. "Thank you. I'm fine, really."
"We'll be the judge of that." She approached and put the back of her hand against his forehead. "Are you in any pain?"
"No. Just a bit sore."
"Hmm." She observed the rhythmic beat on the monitor for a minute or so. "Dizziness? Nausea?"
Shinji shook his head.
The nurse nodded to herself, satisfied. "Nothing seems too wrong. I'm just going to fetch our chief doctor. He'll give you a more thorough check out than me."
She turned to leave, then stopped halfway. "Before I forget, would you like anything to drink? We've got coffee, tea, hot cocoa, that sort of thing."
"Just some water, please. Where I am?" Shinji asked.
"You're in Nerv's convalescent home. We checked you out in the infirmary last night and found no real damage, then brought you here. Dr Tenka will be able to explain more." The nurse gently closed the door behind her.
"Convalescent home? All the way out here?" Shinji murmured, taking in the view of Hakone's emerald green countryside and great pine forests. "Nerv's got a lot of money."
Whilst still utilitarian, this place was much nicer than Levav Base. Better lit with fresh air seeping through open windows, it felt more like a room and less like a tomb.
A tomb. I almost ended up in one yesterday. Shinji looked at his hand. An echo of white hot pain sliced through his elbow. The previous afternoon remained scattered and misty to his recollection, but there was enough to tell him how savage it had been.
How the hell did I survive?
The door opened again. A man with a doctor's white coat over a grey variant of Nerv's cream uniform, walked in. He was stocky, with greying black hair and a bristly moustache. Yet, in his brown eyes, despite their sternness, there was a faint twinkle. In his hand there was a steaming mug of hot cocoa.
"Tough little bugger, aren't you?" He grunted, making his way over to the bed and setting the mug on a table.
"How bad was I?" Shinji asked. "I don't really remember."
"You flittered in and out of consciousness for a while. You mumbled quite a bit as well." The doctor said as he walked to Shinji's bedside. "The stress of it all was a bit too much for you, but you only had some bruises. How are you feeling?"
"Just a little tired, doctor…it's Tenka isn't it?"
"Dr Shiro Tenka, Nerv's chief medical officer." He gave a bow of the head which Shinji returned. "We met yesterday."
"We did?" Shinji frowned as he tried to remember. Then, like a fish swimming up from the murky depths, the memory came.
"Yes, we did, didn't we? You were that doctor with…" His breath stilled, as if the gravely injured girl were still bleeding in his arms. "…Ayanami-san."
"Yes, that's right."
"Pardon me for forgetting you."
"You took some knocks. Your memory might be muddled for a while. It's alright." Shiro smiled. "Well, I know your heartbeat is fine now. I can only presume earlier was down to some unwelcome memories?"
Shinji stayed quiet. He looked into his lap, not wanting to remember again.
"Lad, I was a soldier before I came here. Went from combat medic to army surgeon during the war. Stopped a man who'd lost a leg bleeding out at the battle of Kyoto. Trust me, I know all about bad memories."
Shinji mulled over what to say next, hesitant to drudge up the previous afternoon. But, if there were people in the world who understood terrible experiences, it was soldiers.
Besides. He told himself. He's a doctor. I should do as he says.
"I was just thinking about yesterday." He muttered. "I can only remember bits and pieces but…it was horrible."
"Aye." Shiro said softly. "I've no doubt. Looked bad enough from where I was. But you seem no worse for wear."
Shinji chuckled half-heartedly, then looked at the hot cocoa. "Is that for me?"
"So it would seem." Tenka smiled faintly. "Reckoned you'd probably like that after your glass of water. But as that isn't here yet, this must make do."
"Oh…thank you, Tenka-san." Shinji reached over and curled his fingers around the warm mug. Although he preferred tea, he was hardly going to turn down a warm drink. He took a sip and felt the rich taste trickle down his throat. Shinji sighed, relaxed. Out of the corner of his eye, with some delight, he noticed a black bag with shoulder straps lying against the wall.
"My backpack." A weak smile grew into a genuine beam.
"Yes." Shiro looked over his shoulder at it. "Director Katsuragi was quite insistent on it being brought in here."
"Katsuragi-san was here?" Shinji said in slight disbelief.
"Yes, came by to check on you this morning." Shiro answered. "Good woman. She takes care of her own. Had a superior officer like her once…" He shook his head. "Sorry, forgive an old man reminiscing. And before I forget, she did say she'd come back for you when her jobs were done."
Shinji looked down into his hot cocoa and blinked a few times. Someone had come to check on him. That was a novelty.
And he's said nothing about Gendo visiting me…
"Where is she now?"
"Off in Nakisawame, doing her jobs." Shiro scratched the back of his head. "Something to do with that Seraph corpse. Truth be told that's outside my area of expertise so I didn't ask too many questions."
"The Seraph…" Shinji repeated with a whisper. He could see those blades swish in front of his eyes, the almighty creature glowering imperiously down at him.
What on Earth was I thinking going up against that thing? Phantom whimpers of pain from a blue haired girl reminded him of what he was thinking. It would have killed her.
"Um, Tenka-san? That girl you were with, the Eva pilot. Is she alright?" He asked.
"Ayanami-san? Yes, she's fine. I've got trouble getting her to rest. Clones are hardy things."
"Clone…" Shinji frowned. He'd already suspected as much. Normal people did not look like Rei Ayanami. "I thought the Conquistador project was banned?"
"You'd think so, but not in Nerv…" The burly man's expression darkened as he shifted awkwardly. "Your father has authorised me to talk about some things to you. Only Nerv's higher ups are cleared for this. What I say cannot leave this room. Is that understood?"
"Y-yes, I understand." Shinji said, taken aback at the sudden change of tone.
Shiro sighed, walking over to the window with hands clasped behind his back. "Do you know how clones are created?"
"Not really. Only that you need DNA to work with."
"Close enough." He fidgeted with his hands. "Does Ayanami-san at all look familiar to you?"
Shinji frowned. It was an odd question to ask, whether an ethereal girl with skin whiter than moonlight, hair blue as the sky, and eyes red as rubies was someone he remembered. He almost dismissed it outright, until on further thought her face, indeed, resembled some murky memory.
"I...I guess. I can't put my finger on it thought."
Shiro steadied his jaw. "Rei Ayanami was grown from whatever was salvaged of Yui Ikari."
The silence hung oppressively in the air as Shinji's brain coasted to a stop. "What?"
"She is a clone of your mother, although with some other bits thrown in that I'm not cleared to know."
"M-M-my mother? But...but we did't even have a body to bury. How is that possible?" Shinji tried to come up with every reason why that was wrong, only for Rei's features to blot it all out. That angular and gentle face wasn't at all far off from what he imagined his mother looked like at his age. If the hair were brown and the eyes were blue...
No. Shinji's fist balled. Stop it. She is not my mother, she's whatever father cooked up in some laboratory.
His lip quivered slightly. He replaced me. He replaced us both with that.
"It's a lot to take in, I'd imagine." Shiro's voice made Shinji jump a little, realising someone else could see his temper. As if on reflex, he suppressed it and opened his fist.
"Sorry...yeah..." The teenager looked outside the window, trying to block out thoughts of Rei with that beautiful view. Yet, his mind could not escape the revelation, and now that view could only pale in comparison with his mother's smile.
"Is she here?" He tentatively asked.
"Yes, yes she is." Shiro gently answered. "After her fall yesterday, we had to do some quick stitches in the Medical Ward. Then you killed that Seraph and the danger passed, so we moved her here."
Shinji's fists squeezed themselves a little more. "Would I be able to see her?"
"I don't see why not." Shiro nodded. "First, however, I'll need to give you a proper checkout. Starting with that old wound in your leg."
"My wound-" Shinji stopped himself mid-sentence. Of course, during his time in here they would have seen that, the pale scar in his right leg. Please don't ask me any questions about that. I've had enough bad memories for one morning.
Shiro tensed, realising he was in sensitive territory. "Is it hurting you?"
"No." Shinji put bluntly.
"Alright then." The experienced doctor dropped the clearly unwanted topic. "I'll still have to do a few more checks before I can properly discharge you. If that's okay, Ikari-san?"
"Yeah..." Shinji murmured, thoughts of confused fury and disgust mixing with Rei's all too human whimpers. "Yeah."
Shinji's new black shoes echoed off the floor. His apparently covered in sweat clothes had been sent off to be washed, and Nerv had given him one of their uniforms to use for the time being.
Beats a hospital gown. He welcomed being decently covered by something that didn't itch. The nurse had even said he looked nice in it. Probably just being polite.
As far as medical facilities went, this was one was relatively tame, only the occasional phone call perforating the quiet. A few nurses leisurely walked around here and there, not at all like the mad dash of Atami so long ago.
Bit less muddy than Atami. Shinji smiled. His little shoes had been caked in ooze back then. It was fortunate to have the sea so close, otherwise he and thousands of others would never have got the muck off.
Fond memories soon slipped away like fog through fingers as his mind drifted back to why he was here. Down the corridor he looked for a door marked "303," a little part of him hoping he'd not find it. But, as was his luck, there it was.
It was not an abnormal door. The same white colour as the other doors on that wing, it could have led to any hospital room. Shinji, however, could feel his heart beat that bit faster and his chest tighten. He froze mid-step, arm raised to push it open.
It would be rude of me to just barge in. I should probably go back and get Tenka-san. Shinji balled his fist and took a deep breath. No. This is like yesterday. You've committed and you must see it through.
The door opened with merciful ease. Beyond it, the room was the same design as the one he'd spent the night in, utilitarian and square with a heavily contrasting scenic view just outside the windows. On the bed, lay the reason he was here in this hospital, this situation, and even Nakisawame by the sounds of it.
Rei stared silently up at the ceiling. Still heavily bandaged up from her ordeal, her only movement was the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest.
"Um…hello." Shinji's voice ventured without his permission. Acknowledging his existence, her gaze slowly, robotically, fixed on him.
"May I be of assistance?" Her voice was like a whisper of wind.
"Huh? No, not at all!" The words awkwardly tumbled out of his mouth. "I just wanted to see if you were alright."
"My injuries are minor and will heal shortly."
A silence passed for a few moments.
"Is there anything else?" She asked.
"I don't think I've properly introduced myself." Shinji said shyly. "Do you know who I-"
"Shinji Ikari, the Third Child and designated pilot of Unit 01. I am aware of your identity."
"Yeah…" Shinji dropped his gaze, quailing before those ruby red orbs. "That's about right. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ayanami-san."
"Why?"
Shinji blinked in surprise. "Huh?"
"Why is it a pleasure? It is simply an exchange of names."
"Oh…" His shoulders slumped a little. Not only was it a near rejection of friendliness, it was rude by foreign standards, let alone the well-mannered Japanese.
I should go. I really should go.
Shinji felt tongue tied. He'd neither expected to get this far, nor be responded to like this. It was like talking to a robot.
"Are…are you comfortable here?" He ventured.
"It is satisfactory."
Satisfactory? Is everyone sure she isn't a machine?
"That's good to know." He forced out with an equally forced smile before changing topic. "How did you get hurt that badly? Must have been quite an accident."
"There was a test being run on Unit 00. It went wrong."
Given the state of her body, Shinji could only imagine what "went wrong" meant, especially in an Evangelium. Perhaps it was for the best Rei was so numb, as it preserved her from pain no normal person could cope with.
"Sounds rough." He said.
"It does not matter. I am replaceable."
Inside, Shinji squirmed at the way she talked, the way her inhuman red eyes patiently scanned him. She remained quiet, waiting for him to speak. On some level, perhaps she had discerned he was here to ask a question and simply wanted it asked. He obliged her, eager to get it over with.
She gives me the creeps.
"Listen, this might sound a bit out of the blue but…has father-" He almost bit his tongue. "Has the CEO ever talked about me?"
"He has made reference." Rei answered with whisp of a voice.
"Do…" Shinji swallowed, summoning his courage. "Do you know what your relation is to me?"
"I have your mother's DNA."
"Yeah." He chuckled at the bluntness of it, as if it were so simple a thing to be said. "I guess that makes us family."
"Does it?"
Shinji's tongue felt heavier than lead, as his heart dropped into his shoes. Somewhere in that bottomless pit were a few of his hopes and dreams; the rest looked to be toppling in any moment now.
"W-Well, blood of my blood and all…" He tried in vain.
"Yui Ikari's genetics were diluted via my creation. I was not born to her. We have no connection. We are nothing to each other." It was strange how so quiet a voice cut more than the loudest shout.
"I…see..."
He'd been rejected again.
"Is there anything else?" She asked after a while of heavy silence.
"No." Shinji muttered. Just as it had been with his father, he'd come this way for nothing. There was no warmth, no happiness to see him, only cold, analytical regard.
You'd at least think she'd be grateful…wait…she hasn't even said thank you! Even one with low self-esteem like himself would expect a little gratitude for what he'd done for her. But there'd been nothing. Rei's facial expression hadn't changed throughout their conversation. There had been none of Yui Ikari's liveliness or smile, only the unmoving metal of a computer in calculation. To him, this visage of his mother was like a corpse risen from the grave.
Rei Ayanami was a desecration, a bag of flesh grown to obey orders without question. His mother had died all over again.
Father. What have you done?
He didn't want to be here.
"I'll…" He only just managed to fight down the anger and tears. "I'll let you rest…"
Shinji exited the room post-haste, shutting the door behind him as quickly yet quietly as possible. It took every ounce of his strength to not simply slump to the floor and cry. He leaned against the wall and balled his fist as tightly as he could.
What did I hope to find in there? Did I think she…it would sing me to sleep? A tear trickled out.
That…that thing is a parody of my mother! Why couldn't I just have her!?
Shinji buried his face in his hands and took a few deep breaths. He then wiped the smudges of salty water from his eyes as best he could. Coming to Nakisawame had been a mistake, he understood that now. Both of Shinji's fists balled in frustration at his naivety, at any faith in the father who discarded him and the science experiment who rejected him.
He'd found nothing here, because there was nothing here.
I'll stay for as long as they need me. But when father's windup toy is fixed, I'm gone. He could already picture his little apartment and the dingy streets of Kure, sea air filling his nostrils and the cry of gulls in the distance. And once home, he'd put his father and his bastard creation out of mind forever.
Rei's red gaze had followed the Third Child as he slipped out the room. It lingered for a while, before she looked up at the ceiling again, this time with the faintest trace of a frown across her porcelain skin face. A new thought gently lapped at the shores of her quiet mind.
Family…
