"A Japanese school teaches its students all the basics: Maths, Language, History, Geography, and how to kill their Emperor's enemies." Chinese intelligence report.

XX

The classroom clock had ticked past 1:00pm when a book tapped Shinji on the head, which stirred him from the melodic sweetness of Bach's Cello Suite No.1. He looked up to see the class representative's brown eyes frowning down on him. Startled, he quickly removed his earphones.

"Oh, sorry, Horaki-san. I was a bit distracted." He said.

"So I see." She mused. Only a little younger than him, Hikari Horaki had a face pockmarked by freckles, and brown hair tied into two pigtails that draped over her shoulders. In her navy-blue school uniform, she was quite fetching to his eyes. "You'd best get a bit less distracted, Ikari-san. The teachers are starting to notice."

"Ah. "Shinji sheepishly dropped his gaze. "I'll do my best."

"That would be wise." Her expression softened a little. "I know it's all a bit much to take in, being a 'new kid' and all. The first few weeks are always hard. But it gets better eventually, I promise."

Shinji gave a faint smile, but didn't truly believe it, nor cared to consider it. He was only here because Nerv had enrolled him, to 'help him integrate and build character' apparently.

What does it matter? I'll be gone from here in a few weeks and you'll never see me again.

The class rep's frown deepened, something else clearly on her mind. "Tell me, do you have a problem with Ayanami-san?"

"Hm?" Shinji blinked in surprise.

"I'm not blind, Ikari-san. You've pushed past her at least three times that I know of. I've got enough bullies to deal with in this class as it is."

"We had a…" He suppressed any thought of those dead robotic eyes set in a face he'd longed to see for twelve years. "…falling out. I'll try better to avoid her in future. Didn't mean to cause any trouble."

"Falling out?" A barely stifled snicker sputtered out from Hikari's usually controlled mouth. "I'm sorry, I just never imagined Ayanami-san as the argumentative type."

"She's not." Bile rose to the back of Shinji's throat when he called it, "she."

Hikari's smile fell a little. "…Well…just do more to avoid her in future." She turned and continued her sweep of the classroom.

Probably isn't happy about it. She wouldn't understand. Shinji put his earphones back in but felt a few pangs of regret. The class rep had been welcoming to him and he didn't want to give the wrong impression. He tried to call out after her to make an apology, but his courage instantly faltered. He dismissed the thought then began to collect his things.

It's too late for that anyway.

The class bustled as the students put away pens, pads and workbooks, the maths teacher, Mr Wakatsuki, having only just left. Everyone chatted amicably beneath the gaze of their young Emperor Kanaye, whose picture hung in pride of place above the whiteboard. Hinomaru flags flanked the crippled teenager in his Imperial Marshal's uniform, whose eyes none the less had a twinkle to them.

Shinji meanwhile didn't chat, and neither did that sad parody of his mother. Rei stayed at the back of the class, which suited him immensely: the less he saw of her, the less sick he felt. Couldn't Nerv have put him in a school on the opposite side of Nakisawame?

Shinji hissed under his breath. He chose to focus on the here and now, with even thoughts of their ruthless drill sergeant Saito being found preferable.

Then again, Gimu has a way of focusing you on the here and now.

As they began to file out, Shinji noticed a few students walk with a limp, thighs doubtlessly bruised from where an instructor's cane had struck. Beating was common in all branches of His Majesty's armed forces, and Gimu was meant to simulate that brutal environment. To earn a sergeant's ire was a practical death sentence.

"Alright, everyone." Hikari said, clearly noticing the discomfort of her charges. "Remember, do not give them a reason. Do as you are told, and we all come home in one piece. Understood?"

"Yes class rep." A few murmured.

Shinji waited for the small platoon of teenagers to march through the door. It was a matter of manners and personal preference: he'd neither experience with groups, nor fondness of them. That and he didn't have a group to be part of.

Still the new kid.

Most were apathetic, but some liked him less than others. A good few of the girls shunned him full stop. Their queen bee, Tsukihi Imai, had immediately pegged him as a dirty minded coward and made sure her retinue knew that too. Not wanting to fall out of her favour, or out of genuine agreement, most of the girls stuck their noses up and pretended he didn't exist.

Shinji didn't mind if Tsukihi hated him though.

Can't imagine anyone bitchier than her. That would be a nightmare.

The classroom's boys meanwhile treated him with vague, if not distant curiosity. One had once tried to strike up a conversation with him, a bespectacled boy with sandy hair and freckles whose name eluded Shinji. After half an hour of bombarding him with talk about battleships and questions about where he came from, the boy had mercifully gotten bored and wandered off.

The outcasts of the class were even less welcoming. They fit in even worse than he did, but that was to be expected. Subjects of the Japanese Empire they might have been, but they were still gaijin in everything but name. The Australian in particular, a girl called Mary, was particularly insolent. She made it a point of pride to scowl at every "slanty-eyed cunt" she passed.

For once, Shinji scowled back.

Doesn't stand for the anthem, doesn't use honourifics...He felt a twinge of anger in his stomach. Pathetic little Australians. Japan gave them peace and bread, and they give us terrorism.

Right behind them was Rei, and Shinji immediately turned his gaze away. There were still some traces of lunch in his stomach and he'd no intention of bringing it up.

Hikari had stayed at the back as well, to make sure everyone had left. She made no comment on Shinji's reluctance to mingle. Satisfied everyone was gone, Hikari gave him a reassuring smile as she walked out. Shinji tried to return it, but constantly had to fight the ungallant urge to recognize just how well her navy-blue uniform fitted her slender body.

Just because she has a pair of tits and has been nice to you doesn't mean you can oogle at her… With Hikari out of sight, he allowed himself to frown. The boys of the class clearly let their urges get the better of them, especially in PE. Rei particularly drew their gazes for obvious reasons, much to the chagrin of Tsukihi, who'd deemed her as a pariah as well, but none looked at Hikari in the same way.

She's not unattractive or anything…He mentally shrugged. Eh. Whatever. Maybe she's already taken?

Shinji finally exited the classroom and tailed his classmates as they made their way to the school buses. The teenagers chatted away, laughed and argued in equal measure. Shinji didn't understand any of it, although deep down he wished he did.

It would've been nice to have friends.

Oh well.

It wasn't all bad. The silence allowed him to think, to psych himself up for what lay ahead. He needed it, especially when sergeant Saito didn't much like him.

"New kid, right?"

Shinji stopped his eyes mid roll and turned to see a boy much bigger than him at his side. He'd spiked up the fringe of his black hair and wore a black jacket over his navy-blue uniform, which clung to a body built like a tank. This was the pack alpha of the class, and Shinji wondered why he hadn't seen him before.

Yet despite towering over him and everyone else, the boy's face was stony, and dark circles hung under his sad brown eyes.

He looks sadder than even me. How's that work?

"Yes, that's me." Shinji tried to force a winning smile which faltered in the face of glum rage.

"Well, welcome to Sengokuhara High I guess." The boy muttered.

They walked side by side. Shinji hoped he wouldn't ask any more questions, but his interest was piqued. His memory cautioned against being intrigued by someone too much, but inevitably, curiosity got the best of him.

"Pardon me, but I haven't seen you before." Shinji said, politely as possible.

"You wouldn't have. Name's Toji Suzuhara." Toji gave a polite bow of the head.

"Shinji Ikari." Shinji returned.

"Where abouts are you from, Ikari-san?"

"Er…Kure."

"Kure, huh?" Toji raised a tired eyebrow. "You don't look very rough to me."

"I've managed to avoid getting punched in the face most of the time." Shinji said. "Where are you from?"

"Osaka."

"You're a long way from home too then."

Osaka, Japan's thriving port city, was wealthier than Kure and only just poorer than Nakisawame. Why anyone would uproot from there to come here didn't make much sense to Shinji.

"Yeah." Toji growled, but not at him. Shinji was not a master of people skills, but even he could tell when a subject was sore.

Toji sighed and shook his head. "Never mind. How's the class been?"

"…fine, I guess."

"Good then." Toji's tired gaze lifted into a smile as the boy who'd babbled about battleships, having clearly heard his voice, bustled his way to the back of the crowd.

"Holy shit, Toji-kun." The weedy nerd tightly embraced the mountain of muscle. "I heard about what happened. You holding up alright?"

Toji shook his head. "No. No, Kensuke, I don't think so."

Shinji looked back and forth between the two and felt like an intruder. "If this is private, I can-"

"No, it's fine." Toji sighed. "Rest of the class will know soon enough."

"Toji's sister…" Kensuke dropped his gaze. "She got hurt in the Seraph attack."

"Oh…" Shinji fiddled with the strap of his bag. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Nobody's sorrier than me." Toji said. "I should have been there."

"You were there when Sakura needed you most, buddy." Kensuke said.

Guilt twisted in Shinji's gut. In all the week he'd been here, seven slumbers filled with nightmares of a giant with blades of light, he'd not once considered collateral damage. Not once had he thought of huddled and frightened families in their bunkers, and he knew that was a mark on his soul.

Probably didn't dare think about it, coward that I am.

"Damn that kaiju." Shinji muttered.

"It wasn't the Seraph." Toji's tone turned into a growl. "It was that thing Nerv sent out. Whatever stupid son of a bitch was driving it fell on her bunker."

Shinji's blood ran cold. Cold fingers clawed around his heart as it began to pound faster.

No…no, no, no, no.

"…did else make it?" Kensuke said, sad eyes already knowing the answer.

Toji's lip quivered, in grief, or rage, or perhaps both. "No. The only survivor out of three hundred people."

"Gods…" Kensuke shook his head whilst Shinji felt every beat of his heart pulsate through his head.

It can't be. I couldn't have…

Couldn't he?

He hadn't seen the footage of the battle. According to Misato he'd been out cold for most of it whilst the Evangelium had gone on a rampage, but there were those initial moments where he'd been but a ragdoll before a typhoon. It was entirely possible.

Shinji felt a few beads of sweat trickle down the back of his neck, as moisture steadily built in his eyes.

Three hundred people…

"What the fuck was he thinking?" Toji suddenly spat. "Flailing around like an idiot, freezing up. He might as well have smashed her legs into pulp with his bare hands. Damn coward."

"You saw it?" Kensuke said.

"Yeah. Was on the wrong side of town when the Seraph hit. Spent a few hours escaping from that bunker and making my way to my own. When I got there…" Toji's voice trembled before he scowled and clenched his fists. "If I got hold of that stupid bastard, I'd cave his fucking skull in."

"W-well, I hope you get the chance." Shinji said abruptly and slinked away. He ignored their confused gazes and immediately beelined for the toilets.

He'd memorised the corridors enough to get there quickly, and mercifully found it empty. He gripped one of the sinks, hunched over, and threw up. After he'd finished, he gently beat a clenched fist against the sink and let a tear trickle down his cheek.

"I shouldn't have come here." He muttered. "Why, why, why did I come here?"

He let the feelings, the regret and the horror, convulse through him for a while, before he squeezed them out through his balled fist. Shinji breathed deeply, just as his mother taught him, and felt the haze lift.

I'm sorry, mother. I just can't stop letting you down, can I?

He turned the tap to wash away the vomit, and even splashed some water in his mouth to rinse it. By his reckoning, he still had a few minutes to dash to the buses, which was time enough to take stock.

Shinji looked up at the mirror above the sink. Again, that gaunt, thin face with soft eyes he hated so much peered back. It wasn't the face of a soldier, of one who could be brave. It would make adequate cannon fodder, taking a bullet meant for someone better, but it would never be Imperial Navy officer material, let alone an Eva pilot.

We can't go anywhere without messing things up, can we?

A strong and sudden desire to just walk out of the school seized him, but he fought it down. Sergeant Saito might actually kill me if I'm absent. Letting down military men isn't a good idea…

Phantom smoke filled his mouth and phantom blood covered his hands, as he saw in his mind's eye a little boy trying to push back in the guts of a soldier with everything below his torso blown off. It had been his fault, just like Toji Suzuhara's little sister.

All because he was a coward who couldn't do the right thing, as teacher had known from the start and seen fit to remind him.

The sooner I leave the better. No one would miss me anyway.


Well, I think we can all conclude that Sovvy-chan's update schedule is more erratic than a pensioner's bowel movements. Sorry about that.