"What little we know of an Evangelium's controls utterly baffles our HMAC devicers. And a Type-17 Shingen is a complicated machine." Ministry of the Interior report.

XXII

The display slowly bloomed into life. Around him stretched a computer generated Nakisawame, perfectly replicated from the day before the Seraph attack. Blue sky and wispy cloud stretched on forever, but there wasn't even the tickle of warm air. Shinji knew everything was artificial and hollow, just like Nerv itself. Beyond the rosy display was a cylinder of steel, a similar model to the one he'd almost died not so long ago.

It was not just because of his new suit that Shinji shifted uncomfortably.

"Itchy?" Lieutenant Ibuki's voice crackled over the radio in his helmet.

"A little."

"We'll make some changes to it after the session."

"Thank you." He held up his right hand and flexed it whilst twisting it. A combination of black rubbery nanosuit and grey armour diminished his ability to feel much. Still, it was much better protection than his poor shirt and trousers.

For what good it does. He pictured a blade of light slice towards him.

"Link established and holding at forty-six percent." Lieutenant Ibuki said. Her voice made a welcome change to the sharp and unforgiving tone of Dr Akagi.

Usually, she, Misato and Captain Smith would be overseeing his Eva training, but today the former two had been called away. That meant it was only Smith and a dozen other technicians and staff today. The thought of not even a familiar face like Misato watching his every move only made Shinji's discomfort worse.

"Loading simulation."

As if summoned by the snap of a god's finger, the Fourth Seraph popped into existence. Those beady black eyes bore into his soul as if they were still alive, and Shinji felt his skin crawl.

"Heart rate's gone up, kiddo." Captain Smith said. "This is just a simulation. Pain reception is off. It can't hurt you."

It can't hurt me…Again, in his mind's eye those blades swished towards his throat like a flash of lightning. It can't hurt me.

"Get into your stance."

Shinji shook away the cloud of fear and forced himself into a crouch. This was only a simulation, and the sooner he finished the sooner he could get home.

"Initiating combat simulation in 3, 2, 1…" Ibuki counted down, each number a nail clawing down his spine.

As if jolted from a standing slumber, the Seraph leapt for him. The speed with which it crossed the city caused Shinji's heart to jump into his mouth, as memories of that terrible afternoon became all the more vivid. Goosebumps prickled up across his skin as his reason crashed into a wall of fear.

I…I…I need to-

A blade of light punched straight through Unit 01's chest, whilst the other swung for its neck. The scenery cut to black.

Smith sighed. "Take five. We'll try again then."

Shinji slumped for a moment, then pulled the hatch to exit his plug. He didn't care if it were only for a few minutes, he needed to stretch his legs.

Stepping out onto the platform, he took in the steel box he currently resided in. Lit by the same cruel and unforgiving lighting as the rest of Levav Base, the simulation room had circuitry running throughout it, linking a dozen cylinders built into the floor to the observation room from where he was being watched.

It was just as much a prison as the Eva's entry plug. Indeed, until the First Child had properly healed, Nakisawame itself was a prison for him.

He removed his helmet, took a few steps away from his plug, then leaned against the wall and let himself slide to the ground.

"Why me?" He whispered, hopefully too quiet for his observers to pick up.

Pulling his knees in, Shinji allowed the seconds to tick by before he'd be ordered back into that replica of a glorified coffin. That was no comfort on the hard floor and hard wall, but still he could let his mind drift. Almost immediately his apartment, dust slowly carpeting everything, floated up from the back of his subconscious.

My poor cello.

Kure was rough with its gangs and Kenpeitai patrols. But it had been his home, absent of Seraph attacks and over a thousand miles away from Gendo Ikari and his abomination.

My father and his abomination…

Those frightened red eyes flashed up in the back of his mind. Shinji groaned and ran a hand through his hair.

I'm only good for hurting little girls. I'm not meant to be here. I'm not meant to be doing any of this. I never was. I'm a coward from Kure who's just good at running away from his problems….

Shinji balled his fist.

and is frightened by a fucking simulation. Yes. I'm a coward. I'm a worthless coward.

The entrance door slid open and Captain Smith walked in. To Shinji's mind his face was stern yet gentle, the same sort of feeling he got from Misato except more professional. In his crisp brown uniform, you could tell who the soldier was here and who wasn't.

Smith's polished black shoes clicked as made his way over and sat next to him.

"I'm such a coward." Shinji said.

"Being scared isn't cowardice, kiddo."

"Yes it is!" Shinji snapped. "I'm Japanese. I'm meant to charge down a Chinese machine gun nest with bayonet fixed, not freeze up. I'm meant to pull a sword through my guts before admitting defeat. But I can't do any of those things."

"Probably for the best you can't." Smith said. "A soldier needs to be smart, not fearless."

Shinji sighed. "I can't really be that either. I don't know why any of you bother with me."

"Oof, that's a bad attitude."

"What?"

"It's pointless. I've seen men who should have made it through die because of that."

"Oh, I…" Shinji squirmed a little. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Ah. You mean, I'm not going to be here long so why bother?"

Shinji nodded.

"Still a bad attitude, bud. You don't know when the enemy can attack. Today, tomorrow, next week, it doesn't matter. If you aren't ready, they'll gut you like a fish."

Gut me like a fish, huh? Shinji frowned as he thought back to that orange afternoon. He hadn't been ready, and the Seraph had done its very best to cut him open. Those beady black eyes peered out of the darkness of his mind, causing him to suppress a shudder. He'd been terrified and it had only looked down on him in contempt. It hadn't been afraid.

"That shouldn't be too hard for them then. That Seraph was fearless. Strong. I'm…I'm…" He said, almost to himself. Even a coward such as himself had to admire the might and confidence of the most powerful organism ever seen.

"So are Principate Triarii. Or so they say." Smith frowned at that. "They die in their droves for it."

"But they always win, don't they?" Shinji said, the legendary reputation of the American Principate's elite soldiers known to even him.

"Not always, kiddo. Not always. Wouldn't have beaten the Principate otherwise." His expression darkened, as if seeing phantom tracer fire flicker. He shook his head. "You had a Civil War as well, didn't you?"

"Yeah…" Shinji nodded. "Not much compared to yours though. Just some stupid communists who thought the revolution was nigh. Students with Kalashnikovs and not much else…" He chuckled. "Not much compared to Aurelian's legions, I guess?"

"No." Smith smiled. "I guess not."

They sat there for a few moments more.

"Ready to try again?"

Shinji nodded.

Don't have much choice, do I?

"Come on then." Smith clasped him on the shoulder and helped him to his feet. "Remember. Nothing wrong with being scared."

"Yeah…" Shinji half-heartedly acknowledged as he climbed back into the cylinder. He shut the hatch behind him, slid the helmet over his head, and again sat in darkness. The display soon flickered back into life, the Seraph waiting for him. Out of the corner of his eye, Shinji noted that the monster had been designated as "4th Seraph: Sachiel" but didn't pay it much mind.

"Link established and held at forty-five percent." Ibuki relayed.

"Dropped huh?" Shinji muttered.

"Fluctuation, Ikari-san." Ibuki's already soft tone somehow softened further. "It happens. Nothing to worry about."

Shinji added her to the list of people who were "nice" at Nerv.

"Commencing simulation imminently." Smith said, but it sounded as if he were smiling a bit. "Let's shake this up. No countdown."

No countdown? Shinji's heart did a summersault.

He immediately pushed the computer-generated Unit 01 into a crouch, his attention completely fixed on the Seraph. He twitched constantly, infuriatingly, ready to move at the slightest sign of enemy movement.

Ten seconds passed. Shinji was almost tempted to play it off as a joke and relax, but he stayed on edge.

Be ready, or it'll gut me like a fish.

The Seraph lunged.

This time, Shinji dived out of the way and landed in a roll. He felt a tinge of muscle memory from his Gimu training come into play, as he forced himself to stand and throw himself at the Seraph. True to their observations, 'Sachiel' corrected its footing, but not quick enough. Shinji slammed his fist into its bony helm.

The monstrosity staggered back. Shinji smiled, only to realise he'd put in a bit too much weight and lost his balance. That was all Sachiel needed, as it whirled around and slammed him to the ground. Two blades punched straight through Unit 01's back and the simulation cut out.

Well…at least I was ready that time.

"We'll focus on toning up your reaction times, Shinji." Smith said. "But good effort."

"Guess we've still got a lot of work to do?" Shinji said.

Why am I saying this? I'm literally gone in three weeks and never coming back. I know what you mean, Smith-san, but a Seraph probably won't be coming again anytime soon.

"Yeah, but a bit less now. You can last ten seconds before dying."

"Great." Shinji sighed.

"Hey, you could about manage one second a few days ago." Smith laughed. "Way I see it, that's a one thousand percent increase."

you could see it that way, I suppose. Much like Misato, Shinji decided to like Captain Smith.

They repeated the simulation half a dozen times for the rest of the afternoon, check marked with breaks. As if subtly encouraging him, for each second he survived Smith would add another minute onto his five minute break.

He was a far cry from Sergeant Saito, and a part of Shinji's brain wondered if he might start enjoying this.

Time edged by just that bit quicker, and soon enough Shinji found Smith saying "that'll do, kiddo."

"How long was that?" Shinji said, stretching his cramped muscles.

"Fifteen seconds now. Definitive improvement."

Shinji smiled a little. He popped the hatch as before and stepped out, removing his helmet with a good deal more care this time. He took a deep breath of slightly less humid air.

Fifteen seconds? Wonder what Katsuragi-san will say to that?

From there, he made his way into the changing rooms where a team of lab coated personnel waited to help remove his armour. Various segments of hardened plastic whirred and clicked as they were removed, making little difference to him. It blew his mind that something so light could, in the right situation, absorb a bullet.

On top of a genuine nano-suit as well. Nerv does not do things by half measures, I'll give them that.

Almost immediately after his nano-suit transformed itself back into a solid black cube, Shinji was ushered into the showers to scrub off anything residual, as much for his own leisure. After that, he slipped back into his school uniform and began planning his route home.

If I hurry, I could catch the 5:30 bus. He frowned. Fuck hurrying. If I can catch it I'll catch it. If not, walking isn't so bad.

"Hey, kiddo."

Shinji jumped. Captain Smith had materialised behind him.

"Oh, Smith-san. Did I leave something behind?" Shinji smoothed away his surprise.

"No. Just been meaning to ask." Smith frowned. "What happened to your face?"

Shinji's somewhat good mood quickly evaporated. The sting of the cane across his cheek and everywhere else for that matter, and the red eyed reason for it, caused white hot anger to pulse through his heart for only a moment. Swiftly enough it melted away into heavy regret.

"Disciplinary infraction for speaking out of term." Shinji said, dourly.

"Jesus Christ…kids…kids shouldn't be doing that. Fucking Japanese Empire…" Smith grumbled to no one.

"Anything else?"

"Do you need to see Dr Tenka about that?"

"No. I've had worse, Smith-san. Believe me."

"Yeah…" Smith sounded as if he did believe but really didn't want to. "Best get on your way. Make sure Misato doesn't drink too much as we need her on duty in the morning."

"I'll see what I can do."

Shinji straightened the strap of his bag over his shoulder and walked off, trying to think of his "carer's" drunken antics in an effort to block out any thought of Rei. So desperate was he, that he even indulged in his "success" today.

Expected combat survival time of fifteen seconds. Quite a veteran, aren't I?

"Ikari-san." Ritsuko's icy voice cut into his ears. He turned to see her striding towards him, lab coat billowing out behind her. That usually pensive, faintly bemused green gaze had vanished, replaced by a pair of burning coals.

"Er…Akagi-san"

"The CEO has been made aware of your incident with the First Child. He wants you in his office." Ritsuko growled. "Now."