1971-72 - Sirius, 1st year

Platform 9 and ¾ echoed with a hundred conversations cut by the whistling of the train engine. A train engine. Mother and Father wouldn't shut up about how the Ministry catered to mudbloods, but Sirius couldn't take his eyes off the fascinating machine.

"You shouldn't be looking so happy until you're on the Express. Your parents will think you want to leave them. It's rude."

Sirius tore his eyes away from the train. He double checked Mother hadn't found him. She'd wanted to show him off in front of other parents but Sirius had preferred to escape. It's not like she could punish him about it. Not until the holidays, and anyway, if it hadn't been that she'd have found another thing to punish him for within two hours.

No Mother in sight. Sirius allowed himself to relax once more. The bespectacled boy before him was a self-assured and messy-haired, with tailored robes. Pureblood, he had to be. But no-one Sirius remembered having been introduced to.

"I'm Sirius Black," he said, with a minute bow of his head.

"Oh. James Potter. Mother's a Black, but she said the other Blacks don't consider us proper company."

Sirius snorted. "That's a point in your favor, actually."

James' eyebrows shot to his hairline. He took a slow breath, his laughing eyes glinting with curiosity. "So... you mean they're truly dark? As in not just dark, but bad?"

"If the aurors end up asking, you're the one who said that."

James laughed. Sirius marveled at that laughter, easy, friendly. He had to smile.

"Let's get on," Sirius decided. "I'll let you pick whichever game or conversation as long as it's not my family. I can't wait to get away from them."

James chuckled again. "Uh, Quidditch? My parents can't stand it anymore when I go off about the Tutshill Tornados. I just love how they take risks and allow new players in, even if they don't win all that much."

"I haven't been allowed to follow Quidditch since the Caerphilly Catapults allowed a half-blood on their team and the Prophet praised it as a sound move." A filthy corrupt sport, Quidditch had become.

"What, you mean Georgia McCoy? That was two years ago! " James looked absolutely horrified. "I... then you know nothing?"

"Sounds like you're going to have to catch me up."

James shut his mouth and stared, an impossibly wide grin lighting up his face. "Serious? You want to hear me talk about Quidditch for... Merlin, it's going to take hours to catch you up properly."

"I'm always Sirius."

James burst out laughing. Sirius caught himself staring in delighted astonishment, again. People just didn't react to him like that. His family had been a miserable bunch for as long as he could remember, and even his cousins were guarded.

"Huh, who'd have thought my first friend at Hogwarts would be a Black ?" James said a few hours later as they tried to make smoke-rings, their mouths full of Smoking Strudels.

Friends. Sirius blinked. It's not that he didn't know of friends. Or that the kids whose company his parents had shoved on him didn't have friends of their own. But they'd stayed away from Sirius, as if all the trouble he got himself into was catching.

Friends seemed a word you wouldn't use unless you had carefully thought it over. But James... James was grinning at him. Sirius hadn't had this much fun in ages.

"I'm honored to be friends with a Potter."

"Seriously honored?"

Sirius grinned. "I'm always Sirius."


The Sorting Hat was so wide it fell over Sirius' eyes.

"You believe in justice. You don't want to bend. There's loyalty there, it just seems you've struggled to find people worthy of it."

You can't! Sirius thought as he realized what that crazy hat was getting at. My parents will kill me!

Beneath his fear, a thought, reckless, triumphant, welled up inside him. I knew it! I'm not like them! And another, more hopeful : James expected to sort Gryffindor, like his father had.

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat bellowed.

Shit. Mother would scourgify his mouth when he'd used the muggle curse in her presence. But Sirius couldn't help it right now. Shit. Shit. Shit!

The clapping was scattered, most students just gawping at him like idiots.

Then a couple Gryffindors stood up and clapped harder. "House loyalty, or what? You want Black's autograph first?"

Slowly, the house joined in, until everyone was clapping and even some hoots could be heard.

"A little dignity, thank you," Professor McGonagall called. She didn't look all that upset.

Sirius bit back a grateful grin and strode to the Gryffindor table, where the two upperclassmen who'd spoken up had made him a spot.

"Who are you? I owe you one."

"Alice Grayson. I'm in seventh year."

"Andrew Cassidy, sixth."

Sirius recognized neither name. "You're not purebloods."

"Actually, both my parents are magical," Alice said, sounding a little annoyed. "But you're right, not one of those purebloods. I've got a muggle grandparent. She's wonderful, by the way." The last was almost a threat. Sirius nodded quickly. He wasn't looking for trouble.

"I'm not just not a pureblood," Andrew whispered, his lips twitching conspiratorially. "I'm a muggleborn, Buddy."

Sirius couldn't help a grin, despite the churning in his stomach. Murdered. He was going to get murdered. His body would never be found.

He froze when Bellatrix and Narcissa ambushed him right out of the Great Hall.

"He's mine," Bella said, threat thick in her voice. She was twirling her wand lazily between her finger. "Touch him, and you'll deal with me."

Sirius swallowed. Of course everyone, from the four houses, was staring. The last made him hopeful, though. People wouldn't want to cross Bella for sure. But what would Bella do to him? His stomach further dropped when the Gryffindor prefect shepherding the first years told them to hurry, that Sirius would catch up.

Hiding behind a brave face, Sirius wished Meda hadn't graduated last year. Cousin Meda wouldn't let him get hurt.

"You're so dead." Bella looked furious, but also... gleeful? "I always knew you weren't right in the head. Merlin, we can't have a Gryffindor Lord Black!"

"Politically, it might actually be a great opportunity for our family," Narcissa muttered. "He won't be thought to be a younger Orion Black. It'll intrigue families who dismiss or distrust us now."

Sirius' sigh was more of a groan. Narcissa was fourteen and acted thirty. She'd acted thirty since she'd been born.

"I'll write Uncle Orion," Narcissa said, her lips twisting slightly at the idea. "I'll show him it's not that bad."

As much as his and Narcissa's personalities just didn't mesh, Sirius had to recognize she was being unusually helpful. "Thanks... I'm not sure what happened. I didn't ask for this. The Hat..."

"Don't get a big head, Cousin," Bella warned. "You're a Black, don't think to forget it unless you want us to forget it too."

They, Bella especially, were totally going to act like Sirius owed them from now on. But with his cousins on his side (sort of), Sirius figured Gryffindor might not so horrible.

His mood was unusually light as he climbed to the seventh floor. He flashed hopeful smiles at the portraits and managed to charm his way to the entrance of the Gryffindor common room. His eyes lit up when he saw James outside a pink fat lady's portrait.

"Sorry, the prefect wouldn't let me wait for you. I figured you'd need the password. Did your cousins give you a hard time?"

Sirius chuckled. He still wasn't sure what to think of it. Or how much his Slytherin cousins would want him to reveal.

"Oi, James, if my parents murder me, you'll make sure they'll die in Azkaban, promise ?'

A shadow crossed James' face. He smiled shakily, as if unsure Sirius was joking. "Sure, I'll write Mum and Dad."

Mum and Dad. Sirius could picture his father's face if Sirius ever called him Dad.

"Sirius... Your cousin Bellatrix, she-"

"Don't worry, they're okay." Sirius couldn't help grinning at James' concern. It was just so... unexpected in a brilliant way. "I just have to make sure that my death would be bad for my parents, you know, for their social status and everything."

"I'll write Mum and Dad," James repeated, no hint of smile left on his face.

The common room was an ostentatious whirlwind of red and gold, with stuffy armchairs way too big for them, and rather large even for the seventh years. Yet it was cosy. When McGonagall told them their House would become their second home, Sirius could well believe it.

"How did a Black get sorted here?"

"He used a very dark curse to befuddle the Sorting Hat," James deadpanned, saving Sirius from having to find a suitable reply (or, more likely, hex).

"Which would probably make him as powerful as Grindewald," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't pick on him... Either that, or he's a true Gryffindor, in which case you're being an ass, Sloper."

James' arm was slung around Sirius' shoulder. Sirius beamed. Meda had been right. Things were so much better at Hogwarts.


Three months later, Meda ran off to get married with Ted Tonks. Sirius stared at the letter she had sent him, under shock.

She'd left. You could leave. Sirius had never even considered it, because... His head spun. You actually didn't have to be a Black?

"Hey, where -"

"No. I'm going alone, James. It's a family thing. I need to find my cousins."

As soon as he had climbed out of the Gryffindor common room, Sirius broke into a run.

They met outside, where the frozen grass crunched under their feet and the winter air stole their breath. Cousin Bella summoned a small snowstorm, that howled loud enough to deter any wannabe eavesdropper.

Bellatrix seemed in desperate wish for a target. "How could she!"

"She says she wants to stay our family," Sirius had to point out, his hands held out in a peacemaking gesture, just in case Bellatrix got it in her head to blame him for all this. "That even if she's blasted off the family tree, it doesn't mean the five of us can't be family."

"A muggle, how could she for a muggle! How could she want a muggle?"

"Muggle-born," Sirius corrected. "He has magic."

Bellatrix narrowed her eyes at him. "Not helping, Cousin." Her knuckles were white around her wand.

"So he's a muggleborn. So what?" Sirius had met a few by now, and even if most weren't half as cool as Andrew, he struggled more and more to see why it was such a big deal. "She wants him. Maybe he's a swell guy. Maybe he doesn't boss her around or threaten her and does everything she asks. I warn you, I want a dog. I'll have one when I'm Lord Black, maybe more than one."

"It's not the same. I wouldn't care about her having a muggle toy. She married the mudblood. She likes him She... She chose him. How could she!"

Sirius realized then it was more than anger, more than shock. It was jealousy, burning from Bellatrix so violently that Sirius was scared her accidental magic would flare up.

Narcissa held back, dwarfed in her winter coat as she hugged herself. She looked... drained. "Did you see this coming? Did she ever hint at it to you?" she wondered softly. "How long has she been talking to this Tonks guy?"

"She lied to us. She used us. For a muggle. She's no sister of mine."

Sirius shrugged. "Mother and Father are still family to me, and they've done much worse than Meda."

Narcissa flinched, but Bella just scoffed.

"You don't understand. She'd have told us if she cared at all about what we thought. She knew we might choose to never talk to her again and she's fine with it. We're not all that important anymore. I think I hate her," Bella said, her voice suddenly calm once more. Too calm. "I really do. Maybe I'll kill the muggle. Yes, I'm going to sit my N.E.W.T.s, then I'll kill him."

Sirius crossed his arms. What was the point, of valuing the family who made you miserable over the people who actually did right by you?

"I forbid you to write to her." Bellatrix's voice was full of threat.

"Fine, I won't," he lied. He'd get James to send the letters for him, using an owlery owl.


Sirius waited until after the Yule holidays (more miserable than usual, he'd signed himself up to stay at Hogwarts but his wonderful parents had come and dragged him home) to write Meda. But he wasn't as discreet about it as he thought he'd been. Bella burned his letter to Meda, almost roasting the poor owl. Then she turned her wand on him.

This was the first time Bella hexed him to hurt.

"You too want to declare war on the Black family?" Her giggle had a nasty edge to it. "Well, be prepared to defend yourself, little cousin."

Sirius groaned out in pain when the Incarcerous ropes tightened hard enough to bruise. He bit back a scream, beads of sweat popping on his forehead as the ropes grew spikes, digging into his robes and skin.

"Oh, cousin, where are your protective spells ?" Bellatrix teased, as if he could do anything with his hands bound and his useless wand in his pocket. "It's very Gryffindor of you. You'd think you lot would teach yourself magic, but no, you're too good for magic. You stay weak, because then when you encounter a threat any wizard worthy of the name could easily vanquish, you can boast you were in a life threatening situation and about how brave you were." Bella's voice grew higher, a teasing baby-ish sing song that stomped all over Sirius' pride. "It's so brave of you to not cry, Sirius. Protego's a nice spell, otherwise. Look it up."

Sirius' robes had been shredded into rags by the time Bellatrix allowed him to drag himself back up to the Gryffindor common room.

"We need to get back at her," James declared after he'd managed to coax the details of the incident out of Sirius.

"She's dangerous, James. She wants an excuse to hex us."

"Come on, let's ask Alice and Andrew. They're smart."

Sirius blinked. He still had to get used to asking anybody for anything.

"How about a prank on her whole class so it's not obvious it's you?" Andrew suggested after James had explained as much as Sirius allowed him to. "Charms N.E.W.T.s class, maybe? Flitwick's more lenient. Just don't make it nasty enough Sprout or McGonagall will want to stick their noses in."

At their confused-but-hopeful faces Andrew explained the great tradition of pranks of muggle boarding schools.

"It's not just a muggle thing," Alice joined in. "Zonko's sells stuff you could use. I'll get you a catalog."

"We could also decide on a prank and invent the spells we need," Sirius said. "Can you two help with that?"

"Invent spells ?" James said with a frown. "In our first year?"

"Sure, my cousins do it all the time. It's- "

"Is it dark arts?" James looked more excited than disapproving.

"Depends on the spell."

"Nothing that damages their school notes, nothing permanent and nothing too humiliating," Alice warned. "So no making them toothless or naked, alright ?"

The boys solemnly promised.

They decided to charm the tables in Flitwick's classroom. They had Charms just before the N.E.W.T.s class on Tuesday mornings. The charm would stick for ten minutes or so and then jump to the nearest person, attracted by movement, heat and magic.

"What if Flitwick detects the charm before the seventh years can trigger it?"

"We'll need to distract him in-between periods," Sirius agreed. His thoughts briefly flitted on Reggie and Kreacher, and for half a second he almost missed his little brother. He narrowed his eyes and nodded his head in direction of Remus Lupin, who was studying in a corner. "What about Remus? Flitwick won't suspect a thing if Remus stays back to ask questions."

Remus was a pureblood, but the kind with untailored robes and a father who worked in a shop the Lupin family didn't own. He'd not even attended Hogwarts. The way Remus talked about him, the man wasn't all that much involved in his life. Lupin was Remus' mother's name. She'd been Hufflepuff. Mrs. Lupin bred dogs, which made her someone Sirius liked on principle.

Remus looked surprised and thrilled to be asked.

"Can I help too?" Peter Pettigrew eagerly said, a few days later, as he overheard them discussing their plan in the dorm.

James nodded slowly with a paternal smile. "Absolutely, we'll find you something."

Remus' end-of-period questions were suitably smart, Flitwick didn't get the chance to notice the temporary enchantments sticking to his classroom furniture.

Less than five minutes into the lesson, the Seventh years realized their skin had changed color : spots and splotches of every hue covered their faces and bodies, making them look like a particularly inventive child's coloring project. Bellatrix had turned a dark green, her mouth purple and her eyes circled by yellow.

Apparently Flitwick had just laughed and assigned to them reversing the prank as extra homework.

By lunchtime, Bella's new colors were disappointingly gone. Others had tried glamours, which just made it worse : thanks to Alice, Sirius and James had made it so glamours would cause the caster to be shrouded in a halo of ugly swirling colors spelling CHEAT.

"What's this?" Sprout exclaimed from the teachers' table as the N.E.W.T students, over half of them still charmed, sat down for lunch.

"A good way to see who's an actual witch or wizard, and who's just a parrot unable to use magic in ways not spelled out by our text books."

Bella's scornful voice carried through the Great Hall, and Sirius realized, annoyed, that he'd actually helped her show off with that one.

Still, people were laughing hard, most of the charmed Seventh years seemed to take it well, and it didn't look like Sirius would get in any trouble. It was a wonderful feeling.

"Next time, we need to find something Bellatrix can't shrug off," he whispered to James.

James shook his head ruefully, a broad grin on his face. "You're on. But take a second to enjoy success before hatching new plots, will you ? You single-minded Slythindoor."

Sirius elbowed him, unable to conceal his own merry mood.

The Marauders didn't have a name yet, but this would be forever remembered as their first prank.


1972 - End of first year

"That one was mean," Remus said, staring at his rake as they cleaned out the greenhouses for detention.

"Snape started it. He covered me in boils just for saying hi to Evans!"

"You didn't just say hi." Remus muttered, his voice so low it was almost a whisper and his eyes pleading like he was afraid James would shout at him. "You said he wasn't worth her company."

James sighed. "He can't be bothered to dress like a human being, and he acts like nobody's worth his time. Evans must be hanging out with him out of pity. Father explained that muggles have religion that makes them want to do things like that for their souls."

"You still looked better than that sniveling slytherin, even with all the boils," Sirius interjected, winking at James. He then chuckled. "Lighten up, Remus. McGonagall wouldn't have let us have detention all together if she truly disapproved. Snape knows more dark arts than the whole of Gryffindor combined."

"You included ?" James quipped.

Sirius pulled a face. "Yeah... If he wasn't such a scruffy half-blood, Bella would be all over him."

Remus still looked uneasy.

James noticed and straightened, hands on hips. "He covered me in pus-filled boils !" He declared, exaggerating his outrage. "How was making his nose drip oil meaner, Lupin?"

Remus opened his mouth. He thought better of it. He didn't point out "it was more a downpour than a drip and you ruined some of his books, which were obviously already second hand." He didn't say "it's different because you're pure-blood and confident and rich and handsome and popular". Remus had friends, and that alone was a miracle. He had to take their side. A nagging little voice told him to enjoy it while he could, before they all found out the truth about him.

So Remus took a deep breath. "I guess I just feel bad because he … sniveled about it while you just shrugged the boils off."

"Trust me, he's just trying to manipulate you to get back at you harder," Sirius said, with a grimace. "I know all about people like him. Snivelus will have to learn that doesn't work with us."

James guffawed. "Snivelus ?" he mouthed.

Sirius grinned evilly. "Hey, Remus said it first. He just won't stop sniveling."

Sirius hexed Snivelus because he could. Because he couldn't hex his mother, his father, his aunt and uncle, or his ever-angrier cousin Bellatrix. He could have hexed his brother, but for all that Regulus was a suck up to Kreacher, their parents, and, at Hogwarts, the worst of the Slytherins, the thought of raising his wand to Reggie made Sirius' stomach churn in a weird way. Decency, he guessed. Hexing your little brother was kind of lame.

The summer after first year, Sirius decorated his bedroom with Gryffindor colors. With help from Meda, he cast a blood ward to make the room magically his, enough to keep his parents from spelling the walls or sheets any other color. His blood was close enough to Father's that to break the ward, Father would have to magically disown Sirius. Mother had Kreacher cover Sirius' food in hot red peppers "since you like Gryffindor colors so much, you disgrace!", so much that Sirius soon had to choose between starvation and agonizing stomach cramps. Luckily Regulus snuck him some food and Father, for all his affected disappointment, liked the idea of a stubborn son. That kept things from going too far.

Sirius had to get his taste-buds regrown when he returned to Hogwarts, but it had been worth it. Red and gold his room would stay.


1973-74 - Sirius, 3rd year

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Sirius cursed himself for not putting the pieces together earlier. Remus vanishing every full moon should have been a ridiculously obvious clue. It's just that Remus was so... well, un-werewolf that Sirius had been blind. Remus' excuses about him being homesick, then sick, then his mother being sick, then... well, his excuses had sounded true enough at the time.

The three gryffindors were seated on the floor in a corner of their dorm. The door was secured shut with a spell, but they still whispered.

"Werewolves are dangerous," James said slowly.

Peter gulped and nodded in fearful agreement.

"Remus isn't," Sirius objected. "Mother says werewolves should be Adava-ed, or at least chained by the Imperius. She says that of muggleborns too. That if they can't be killed, then maybe they could be kind of like house elves, serving purebloods."

The boys were now familiar with Sirius stating Walburga Black's beliefs as proof that truth had to be the opposite.

"So you're saying, maybe werewolves, or Remus at least, isn't trouble?" Peter said, a spark of hope lighting his round face.

Sirius grinned. "I think he's so much trouble. But he's ours, no? He's been with us, and he's smart, he doesn't rat us out. He's kind."

James shrugged off the last like, of course, but Sirius hadn't grown up around kindness and so he didn't take it for granted.

"He's been spending hours drawing that map of Hogwarts for us," Sirius continued. "Marauders are family, damn it, we've got to figure out something."

It was Remus, who while not as magically strong as James and Sirius was as clever as any Ravenclaw, who'd suggested that instead of trying to trace each individual students directly on the upcoming Marauder's map, they'd layer an enchantment on every portrait and semi-aware castle fixture, so that the map would locate students for generations to come. Compared to that, Sirius' best trick to date had been making sure the for-now-very-incomplete map wouldn't show the Marauders unless it was a Marauders using the map, but that wasn't difficult at all. Sirius had wowed them only because the others were hopelessly ignorant about blood magic.

The point was, Remus was a swell bloke, and a valuable and loyal friend.

"So what do you do, when your friend's a werewolf?" James said, rubbing his face with his hands as if it could make him smarter. "When I was real sick, my parents stayed with me through it, and were extra-nice. We can't be around a werewolf."

"Maybe I can find a spell. Or make one..."

"Maybe his mum knows some already. Remus never said a cross word about her. We should write Mrs. Lupin."

Sirius blinked slowly, in that way he still got caught doing, when James reminded him the world could hold helpful adults. He mulled it over, weighting risk against benefit, and decided the benefit was well worth it.

They met Remus' mother, secretly, in Hogsmeade. A witch who, on top of breeding dogs and loving her kid despite him being a werewolf, was sneaky in a good way. Sirius liked her more the more he learned.

Julia Lupin was also kind of hot, for a mum.

She asked question first, about them and Remus and Hogwarts. Regular mum-questions, from James' and Peter's reactions. Sirius was quieter than usual, drinking in what he knew most people would just call normal.

"Werewolves don't harm animals. One of the puppies had escaped by accident and found himself locked with Remus during the full moon. Remus didn't harm him. That's how I realized. I always leave some of the dogs with him when he changes, it calms the wolf inside him." Mrs. Lupin straightened, with not little amount of pride. "I am a wolf animagus," she revealed in a soft voice.

Peter's jaw fell open. Sirius and James weren't much more contained.

"That is awesome, Ma'am," James declared solemnly. "We'll have to become animagi ourselves."

Mrs. Lupin's wide smile was a little ruined by the shimmer in her eyes. "It took me a year to master the transformation."

The boys winced as one. Sirius shook himself and nodded. "It's worth it."

"I lied by omission during my registration, while I was interrogated under oath. I said I transformed to hike in the wilds and herd my dogs. I had to answer if I meant to harm magicals or the ministry in any way, and that was an easy no. I was also asked if I had committed a crime in wolf form and if I intended to, so don't use your animals for anything wrong."

Mrs. Lupin took out a couple of well-worn books from her bag. "This should cover the theory. There's a potion to brew. I could help you with it during the holidays," she spared Sirius a compassionate glance, "or at another time if you're unable to come."

Sirius swallowed. "I'm honored by the trust you show us, Ma'am."

Mrs. Lupin's smile was her warmest yet. "Friends are the more precious thing in the world. I would be a bad mum if I didn't help you. Remus loves and admires you, it's obvious in his letters."

Sirius felt oddly warm. It wasn't the easy thrill that came from a well done pranks, it was something heavier, that came with responsibility. It was a feeling he didn't want to lose.

"This is going to be real tough," Peter later said, fear and excitement warring on his face as he paged through the first book.

Sirius shrugged. "Nothing we can't manage."

"Don't worry, Pete, we'll help you. I'm going to ask Prof McG for tips. I'll tell her I want to become an animagus after I graduate."

"Turn up the charm, Potter," Sirius said with a knowing grin, "we're counting on you."

It took them almost two full years, but, Merlin, when they finally got it down, they were beautiful. Even Peter's unassuming rat : it was the perfect form to deactivate the Whomping Willow, and more than one prank was made possible by having a rat as lookout.


1975-76 - Sirius, fifth year

"I fucked up."

Remus stared flatly at Sirius, his stiff shoulder against the cold stone wall. A muffiato muffled their conversation to anyone who'd stumble upon them.

"I thought I mattered more to you than your irrational hate for Snape."

"It's not irrational!" Sirius exploded "Snivelus-" he trailed off at the expression on Remus face.

Merlin. Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly. "Moony, you do matter more to me so much more than hexing Snape does. I'm sorry, truly."

"Words are cheap."

"Dumbledore didn't seem to think I did such a wrong thing..."

"What ?"

Sirius shrugged. "He gave me three weeks detention, and Snivelus is bound to silence. That's not what you get for attempted murder."

"Well, on the one hand, now Dumbledore's got the Black and Potter heirs owing him. On the other, he short-changed a half-blood who's of no use to him. And I'm just a werewolf, so no harm done."

Sirius flinched. It wasn't like that. It wasn't about blood. And Dumbledore was the one who'd let Remus attend Hogwarts despite being a werewolf. "Moony, you've heard of Voldemort haven't you? The wizard who's gathering a new faction centered on blood purity and dark arts? Who's probably going to be the next Dark Lord?"

"What's that to do with any of this?"

"The ministry's full of blind fools and Voldemort supporters. People like Snape, he's got Voldemort lapdog written all over him. He dreams of being one of the dark purebloods. Dumbledore can't do anything about it, but he knows it. That's why he didn't punish us -"

"So you figure Albus Dumbledore needs you, Sirius Black, to almost ruin my life in order to set back Voldemort. It was the only way, was it?" Remus' voice was shaking so hard he was almost growling. Sirius struggled not to shiver. "You couldn't just turn Snape away when you realized he was getting close to the Shack. You had to make him face the wolf ?"

Sirius took a slow breath. Merlin, he hated feeling like this. "Are we still friends?"

Remus' anger was washed away by sudden anguish. "Padfoot, yes," he said thickly. "You' re... You're the only ones... You became animagi for me. But... you keep telling me to be more confident. To know my worth. Padfoot, you could've made me a murderer. My life, my parents' lives... I could've hurt James, damn it ! I just wish it meant something to you, something big enough to matter even when you're mad at Snape."

"Moony, this... It's not that I don't care- It's that- I can be an impulsive idiot. I... I just didn't think. If I had a Time Turner, I'd change it over. I'd just hex Snape and get detention and he'd still have no proof about you."

Remus face, his whole body, made it obvious there was more he wasn't saying.

"Say it, Moony. Let it out, I deserve it. I can take it."

"Snape never did anything to us that justifies being turned into a werewolf."

Sirius sucked in a breath. The people Snivellus hung out with. Only Lily Evans -

Remus shook his head violently. "Don't you dare even think it! Don't you dare. You... You come from a family where torturing or murdering your enemies is what's done. Snape isn't just a bloke you can't stand. He's your enemy. The enemy of the heir of House Black. "

Sirius paled like he'd been punched. Regulus' snarled "You're no different than those you claim to despise," now ringing in his ears.

"You're better than that," Remus whispered. "Prove it to me. I want to trust you, Padfoot. I want nothing more. Your childhood, that wasn't right. I'm so proud you can see how wrong they are. You're one of the strongest people I know. But you need to choose what matters most to you."

Sirius swallowed. Summers blended together in his memories, the rage at having to be stuck at Grimmauld place. Without Meda, with Bellatrix growing angrier and nastier with every passing year, with Father furious at Narcissa, who'd so long hid behind her insufferable mask of perfect, shy daughter, blindsiding them all with that public hand-fasting to Lucius Malfoy (Lucius. Malfoy. Nothing more needed to be said). With Reggie so miserable because he didn't want to pick a side, and yet too stupid to do anything but sulk and learn dark arts.

He met Remus' eyes. "I can't go back there," Sirius decided, straightening. There was no coming back from that. "I don't want to be a Black. I..." He managed a weak smile. "I'll be a better friend."

Remus couldn't hold his gaze. "I'm not asking you to get disowned..."

"Yes, you actually are," Sirius replied gloomily. "But you're right, Moony. There's no other way. They're poison. I can't keep pretending it doesn't affect me. Prongs won't mind."

James didn't. He was thrilled. Sirius could've bludgeoned himself for not having decided to spend the summers at the Potters earlier. He pushed back down the terror threatening to drown his resolve. The thoughts about everything that could go wrong.

He had been using the memory of calling Dorea 'Mum' for the first time when he cast forth his first corporeal patronus. The note Uncle Alphard had sent him along a bag of galleons, which read "this is your parents' share of my fortune" , was nailed above his new bed and never failed to make him grin. He didn't change his name, because Dorea asked him not to.

"I took Charlus' name proudly, but I would be so very proud if you stayed a Black, to show the world what Blacks can be."

Sirius personally considered it was a lost cause, but he'd rather chew off his own arm than disappoint James' mother, so a Black he remained.


September 1979 -

"Reducto!" Sirius snarled, because he could never quite manage it non-verbally.

They'd lost too many people by letting Death Eaters get away. Now, and especially with Crouch and Moody passing a War-decree that made killing Voldemort's supporters legal, Sirius didn't hesitate.

The almost-twenty-year-old stuck to legal spells. He'd sworn off dark arts, even the simplest of tracking curses, the moment he'd left Grimmauld place behind forever. He didn't want to take the risk of fueling the anger, the cruelty, he knew existed inside him. But this was neither cruelty or revenge. It was common sense, safety, and perhaps even justice.

Next to him, James, his eyes on every door and window as he secured their perimeter, flinched at the crunch of Avery's thorax. He didn't say a word. Sirius knew Prongs would never bring it up. Not until the war was over.

James' animagus form was a stag. Stags could be fearsome, but they still were prey. Huge black dogs that could be mistaken for Grims, the omen of death, were... much less discriminating.

James' patronus was a stag, like his animagus form, because James was one of those people who was fine with who he was. Sirius' patronus wasn't an almost-Grim. A cheerful-but-solemn Border Collie bounced about whenever Sirius made magic mirror his happiest memories. If he'd been born a Potter, perhaps that would've been his animagus form too. Instead, Potter-adopted but not born, Sirius finally acknowledged some good had come of being born a Black : he could find it in him to be a killer so that James would not have to be.

Moony, Prongs, Wormtail, and even Lily, had helped him grow aware that he was purposefully dehumanizing his enemies in order to annihilate them, and that it was wrong. But Sirius would rather be wrong and wake up to be around his friends, to see James as unburdened as Sirius could make him, than style himself a paragon of virtue. Sirius wanted this whole mess to be over fast, before his little brother (as much as Regulus still was his brother) graduated from Hogwarts. Because he'd really hate to have to kill Reggie.


There's so much more of Sirius that deserves to be covered: Azkaban and consequences for one (not just the dementors, but the whole 'nobody bothered to ask' aspect). But first the other Blacks will be in the limelight. We'll nevertheless soon see quite a bit of Sirius, through Regulus' eyes.

Don't hesitate to share your thoughts! Reviews make me happy.