Part 2, December 1968

"No, no, no, it's no place for children."

Uncle Alphard was as bald as he was bearded, with a full beard and a thick upturned mustache he dyed a tacky unnatural blonde. The resemblance with Father and Aunt Walburga was there, but this time, the Black traits on his face failed to make a handsome mix. His eyes were too close to his nose, his un-dyed dark eyebrows too thick, his mouth too full. His skin was wrinkled for his age, proof of all the filth he'd imbibed, smoked and spread over himself. There was no way around it, the guy looked creepy.

He and Bellatrix were sitting on a log outside of Hogsmeade with two bottles of butterbeer, cloaked by a disillusionment field. Not that much would have been visible anyway: a thick curtain of rain made everything farther than three feet invisible. Bellatrix drank to whoever had invented rain-repelling shields.

"I'm almost fifteen, not a child. I just want to see what those parties of yours are like. You keep saying it's fun." All the drama at Hogwarts was getting to her. She needed to get outside the walls for a while. "Why d'you come if it's just to tell me no?"

"Because that was the first owl you've ever sent me, Pumpkin." Pumpkin? Seriously? "I said 'no soiree'. I didn't say 'no everything'. Anything too important to miss next Tuesday?"

"No." Due assignments she could give to Rod. Missing one Charms test wouldn't fail her. "You're telling me to sneak out of the castle?"

He nodded, his dark eyes sparkling. "I'll have a surprise ready. I'll get you at the border of the wards."

"Will we be in the Prophet the next day?"

"Ouch. She stings! I promise we won't be."

She eyed her all-too-cheerful uncle warily. "Is it true there are mudbloods and creatures at your parties?"

"There are wizards and witches. They come as they are or in disguise. I don't ask. Stripped of expectations, people end up being rather similar." He smiled, his mustache twitching. "And it's great fun."

"How drugged are you that you can't tell them apart?"

Alphard huffed. "Don't listen to what your father says about me. Everything's always under control."

Bellatrix nodded, rather unconvinced. Perhaps Uncle Alphard was a bit of a buffoon, but it had been a while since she'd had an adventure. She was half-ready to try her luck in the Forbidden Forest despite having promised Meda and Cissy to not go.


Uncle Alphard wasn't alone; there was some kid- Cousin Sirius! The nine year old was staring wide-eyed at Hogwarts.

"Hi, Cous'," the kid chirped. "Uncle Al said we're celebrating my birthday today as he wasn't invited on the real day. Father thinks I'm at Nott's."

"Walburga's upset at Orion," Alphard added smugly. "I'm exploiting marital strife."

Bellatrix snorted. Like that wouldn't backfire. Still, she smiled in approval. A life lived in fear was no life.

Alphard apparated them to a sparse forest. More like a tree-filled hill. It was too green, too alive, for an English winter. Out of place yellow flowers sprouted from what looked like a young oak. Huh. Another tree, an older pine, had light blue sap and smelled so strongly Bellatrix felt like she had her nose in it despite being yards away.

This was owned land. Cared for. Magical. Sudden bleating pierced through the chatter of birds.

"Ah, there she is. Run get her, Sirius!"

Bellatrix hurried after her sprinting cousin. Around her more altered trees and bushes filled the hill with out-of-season color. Her eyebrows shot up as she spotted the source of the bleating.

An enchanted camel the size of a small pony stood before them. Alphard grinned and picked up Sirius to put him between the animal's two humps. "Come on, you're the prince today. We have to go in that direction."

"You're my favorite, Uncle Al," Sirius declared, grinning as the camel began to trot.

Bellatrix huffed. Seeing her cousin spoiled wasn't quite been her idea of fun.

Alphard rolled his eyes at her. "You do realize it's no competition? I want time with you both. If one of your sisters died, you'd not love the other more."

What? Why was he talking of Cissy and Meda dying? "You stay away from my sisters."

The man rolled his eyes again. "Merlin's bubbly farts, your parents ruined you. Come on, let's unruin some of it. These are Mirabel's lands. She's a dear friend, and she breeds hippogriffs. Don't spook them, be more polite than you've ever been with your mothers, and you'll have the ride of your life."

Hippogriffs! Bellatrix failed to keep her enthusiasm from showing. "Mirabel who? Do I know her kids?"

"I'm not giving you her last name," Alphard said with a grin. "You treat like she's someone, because she is."

Morgana. Fine.

"Don't break your neck!" she shouted after Sirius, who pranced around on his camel. He stuck his tongue out at her. She let an evil smile creep up her lips. "Although, might be funny..."

"Why do you say that? You don't like me?" Sirius' sudden narrow-eyed outrage, the way he straightened and squared his shoulders in solid imitation of Uncle Orion, had Bellatrix snort.

She magicked herself close to him and ruffled his head like she'd seen Rabastan do to Rodolphus when they'd been kids. "I like you fine, Cousin. You realize trouble's going to follow this, don't you?"

He shrugged. "I'm always in trouble anyway." He rubbed his mouth absently, as if remembering he'd gotten it vanished after blabbing on to Crouch about some dead muggle.

Bellatrix grinned, seized by a pang of sympathy. Sirius had already been running after them to join their play as a toddler, and unlike docile baby Reggie, he had never backed away from anything. Walburga shouting at him to keep still and quiet had always struck Bellatrix as painfully familiar. So was the fact Sirius seemed unable to not talk back.

"Me too," she admitted. "Seems all worthy Blacks are."

Sirius beamed at her. He then stuck his chin up and kicked his tiny camel to go faster. "Worth it!" he shouted for all the hillside to hear.

"I'm jealous, where's my enchanted freak-camel?"

"You're going to get a full-sized hippogriff, Pumpkin. Don't be ungrateful."

They reached a house, a long one-story brick building splashed with a dozen colors. Monstrous flowers, with petals the size of Bellatrix's head, grew all around it, almost smothering it.

"Alphie!" A tall freckled woman with long blonde braids boomed. She had come out from behind an arch of what looked like the monstrous bastard child of mistletoe and wild roses. "And look at those handsome children!" She wore muggle clothes, and dirt covered boots.

No wonder Alphard had hidden her last name. "Why don't you just charm your clothes so you can work in robes instead of those muggle things?"

"Hello to you too, young lady. I do plant breeding, and not the muggle kind. Any source of magic could alter the strains. I don't want to have to worry my mud-repelling charms are affecting my seeds. You here for the 'griffs?"

Bellatrix nodded, a little abashed. "Yes, Ma'am. Thanks for having us." This was neat magic and she didn't want to miss out on hippogriffs. She wasn't even sure why she'd felt the need to be rude in the first place.

A hippogriff couple was in the nearby field, next to a lazy stream. The stream itself began abruptly, in the middle of the fields, and ended in a small lake. Suddenly, something moved a yard above the streams surface. The smaller hippogriff darted forward, seizing the fish-come-out-of-nowhere in its beak. It threw its head back, its long neck bobbing as it swallowed its prey.

"I have my stream linked to a special spot in the River Frome," Mirabel said proudly. "Trouts come aplenty, and you should see the size of some of those salmons."

"Look at those claws and talons," Alphard teased. "You look shaky, Pumpkin. Are you certain you're calm enough to risk it?"

"Or what, you've got a special potions for jitters?" Mirabel said. "Don't take anything that man gives you until you've sat your NEWTS, you hear me?"

"Hey, I don't mess with kids."

"So you say, Alphie. Moderation," the woman mock-whispered at Bellatrix. "That's the secret. And you look just fine, dear. Just no eye contact. You'll be riding Byron here. He's the little brother. A proud beauty of course, but delightfully eager to please."

Byron was not like the drawings and descriptions Bellatrix had seen in books. For one, it was obvious from up close that he had camel blood instead of the blood of a mare. His wing-feathers shimmered with dozens of yellow hues, and two humps, one covered in soft white feathers and the other in coarse camel hair, stuck out from his back. He was also six foot tall at the shoulder.

"If you're too scared, I can go first," Sirius said, eyes wide and eager.

Ha. "Pull that one on Cissy, Cousin. It's not going to work on me."

She bowed to Byron under Mirabel's instructions, and was thrilled to see the huge beast bow back.

A saddle and reins suddenly materialized on the creature, with a ladder of ropes tumbling down to allow Bellatrix up. The witch held her breath and climbed.

She was stunned by how soft the body-feathers were. A sudden lurch forced her forward and she hastily grabbed the reins. It was nothing like a broom. Wide, soft, warm, and it moved underneath her, hard muscles shifting with every beat of its huge wings. Wind howled against her and in seconds the others were specks of dust hundreds of yards beneath her. Byron screeched and screeched more enthusiastically when Bellatrix cheerfully screamed.

And she'd thought horses were the best of pets. How silly of her. This what what she needed once she had her own house. She was starting to see the appeal of foregoing a manor (not to mention she'd have to kill a relative or two to get her own before she was forty, assuming Meda got married) and just picking a nice spot with big grounds. Bellatrix would spent her days outside and only go back in the house to sleep in a place like this.

Breathless, she landed with a grin on her face, sad it was over. "No no, stay put," Mirabel said. She made loops with her wand and a second, smaller saddle appeared on the hump in front of Bellatrix. Sirius giggled like a kid half his age as Mirabel's next spell had him float upwards, until he could sit.

"Tight hug," Mirabel warned, "don't let the handsome little man fall." She rubbed Byron's beak affectionately. "Fly off, beautiful, make the kids want to be you."

Sirius deafened her with his delighted screams. Bellatrix found herself laughing too, one arm holding the reins and the other wrapped around her howling little cousin.

Twenty-seven years later, colors and laughter sucked from their minds, neither would remember flying together on Byron the camelgriff.


Bellatrix had expected detention when she breathlessly sneaked back into Hogwarts, barely in time for dinner. She'd not expected Slughorn to sigh and say "Miss Black, you confound me. Punishment doesn't seem to teach you anything, so I'm going to adopt a new strategy. You will come to the Slug Club on Friday evening. It'll be an intimate affair, full of interesting people. I think perhaps you just need to have a future to look forward to."

"Al-right, Professor. I must ask, why weren't my sisters and I ever invited before?"

Slughorn winced. He looked pained. Perhaps it was embarrassment. Probably it was because Bellatrix was too blunt for a pureblood witch of her breeding.

"I invite people for many reasons. As you have loudly shown that you do not value types of power other than magical ability, and even that only among people of pure blood, I feared, and to be honest, I still fear, that inviting you will make the evening a little too animated."

"But why not Meda or Cissy?" She pursed her lips. "Well, perhaps Meda would not be interested, but Cissy knows how to speak to anybody. She understands people, reputation and all that."

Slughorn blinked. "High praise. Perhaps I have overlooked young Miss Black. She's rather closed off. I imagine not around you then?" He nodded thoughtfully. "I will talk to her. Nevertheless, at her age, it would be on Thursdays. I'm inviting you with the OWL and NEWTS students. Don't make me regret it. I don't doubt that you'll fit in quite well if you set your mind to it."

It had to be the first time a teacher expressed such a sentiment to her. Oh, Aunt Cassy had told her she could magically do better a thousand times, but this -. Bellatrix swallowed, lost in thoughts as she walked back to the common room. Slug Club was old and new money, children of high-rising politicians and famous stars, and even some half-bloods Slughorn had taken a liking to. Older Slytherin fought for invites, ingratiating themselves with Slughorn or whoever had the power to bring a date. Even entry to the low-years Slug Club, which was an excuse to wear nice clothes, dance to music and chat feeling important, was a social battlefield. Bellatrix had not cared: she'd had better things to do than simper and play nice around people who felt the need to tell her they were better than her.

Another thought struck her, bringing her to a stand still. Selwyn would be there.

Bellatrix balled her fists. She would not let him keep her out of anything. Friday at the Slug Club it would be.


Thursday morning, at breakfast, Bellatrix stared, excitement and apprehension churning her stomach. Aunt Cassiopeia's long-eared owl swooped down to the Slytherin table with a thick letter. Finally! She hadn't heard from the witch in six whole weeks.

'I have been informed that while I've always had to accommodate my own schedule around your precious education, you find the time to frolic with Alphard of all people.'

Bellatrix's face fell. She should have bound Sirius to secrecy. Then he couldn't have blabbed, no matter the pressure.

'I thought better of you. Since you feel consorting with beast-obsessed half-bloods is more important that writing me,-'

That wasn't fair. She'd written Aunt Cassy three unanswered letters, and last time, when Bellatrix had kept writing despite the silence, she'd been accused of being unbecomingly needy. How could Bellatrix have known -

'I'm sure you'll be able to learn from her during Yuletide. I'll visit people who actually value me.'

Bellatrix stormed out of the Great Hall, eyes shimmering with furious tears. Of course, she couldn't win. She had figured out by now that Cassiopeia enjoyed making her life difficult. That the witch would have otherwise just found yet another way to force Bellatrix to write an apology letter where she all but groveled to be allowed to resume her training. But it still hurt. Because Aunt Cassy's proud smile, the laughter they shared during their lessons, the letters Cassiopeia had written when Bellatrix had complained in first year about Malachi Bulstrode and Sofia D'Ambra, in which the witch had given her enough blackmail material to shut them up... It had to mean something, didn't it?

And who else could she learn from? Selwyn – Bellatrix snarled as she refused to let her thoughts go there. Helplessness sucked the air out of her lungs, leaving her chest hollow as she struggled to breathe without breaking into sobs.

A hand touched her upper arm. A boy's hand.

She had Rodolphus at wand-point before a sound could exit his mouth.

Merlin's balls. Rod! He was staring wide-eyed at her wand. "Sorry," he mouthed.

Bellatrix lowered her wand with a glower, figuring she could still whip out an obliviate if she needed to. Rod's wand was sheathed.

"I cast a far-reading spell when you set that letter down because I'm nosy like that." What? "Family's supposed to make your life easier."

She almost hexed him right there. "You mind your own-"

"Your sisters do that. Like 'Stan and I. You're a good team. I'm just saying, you've got decent grades, you're powerful, you don't let people walk all over you, you don't hang out with mudbloods, and you don't talk your family down. They shouldn't be giving you grief."

'beast-obsessed half-bloods' Alphard must have thought he was so funny bringing her and Sirius to Mirabel's.

Of course, the most shocking part of the letter had yet to come. 'Lord Black has decided Alphard is too big a stain on our illustrious name. That disgraceful man cannot be allowed to influence you or Sirius. He has been struck off the family tapestry and I suggest you do not ever associate with him again unless you wish to be disowned.'

"Uncle Alphard got blasted off the family tapestry. He's too old to be disowned, but as far as we're concerned he's not family anymore..."

Rod raised twin eyebrows. "Seriously? How many people are left on that tapestry then? More than ten?"

Bellatrix couldn't help it, she laughed. "You're okay," she decided. "It's a shame you're such a poor dueler. You should come run with me in the morning. You'll get better at magic if your body's strong." Well, in truth Rod still had a way to come before lack of muscles became the thing hindering him.

Rod's face clouded over. Then he nodded slowly. "I probably should, shouldn't I? Maybe then I'll last forty-five seconds instead of twenty when we duel."

"You never gave up, even if you lose all the time. Why?" Bellatrix had pretty much asked him to duel only when she wanted to quickly punch someone down, knowing Rod didn't mind as long as she didn't gloat or make it too painful.

"Well, I've been lasting twenty seconds for the last three years and you've improved, so I guess I've been improving too." He grimaced."I guess I need that shove. To get off my ass."

Bellatrix eyed him critically. He wasn't unkempt, but he was soft and forgettable. "What did you sort Slytherin for, if you have no ambition?"

"Oh I do." he said, sounding a little offended now, "I want to get in the Ministry. I have plans. I just convinced myself I didn't need more than respectable NEWTS scores and good connections for it."

"You believe in politics. You figure magic's not needed." Like Selwyn. Dueling is like Quidditch for angry people.

"I figure maybe I'm wrong. Stan's been telling me stuff's been happening. People speaking up privately against the state of things. Not in a grumbling way. In a maybe-change-things-by-the-power-of-our-wands way." He smiled, it was more warm than pained. "So I guess I'll keep losing duels?"

Bellatrix had to smile back. "You bet you will." She narrowed her eyes. "Does Rabastan have any interesting contacts that could come to the Slug Club?"

Rod's thoughtful frown soon became a nod. "On one condition : I'm coming with you tomorrow."

Bellatrix frowned. She wasn't sure she was allowed to bring dates like a regular member. But she shouldn't get in too much trouble for risking it. "Fine. Long as you don't try to kiss me."

The flabbergasted look on Rod's face reassured her it hadn't been his plan at all.

"Don't worry, I promise." His lips twitched. "I'll wait until I can last at least three minutes."

Bellatrix punched his shoulder. Rod laughed. That annoying, too-loud laugh.

'Family's supposed to make your life easier.'

It was a little easier to breathe. She'd still write Aunt Cassy her apology, because that's how the game had to be played. She'd learn as much as she could from the witch, and when she would be stronger, Cassiopeia would realize that Bellatrix had a long memory.

Or perhaps Bellatrix would show up at Mirabel's during the holidays and ask to ride the camelgriffs again. Then she'd send Aunt Cassy a picture.

It'd be a declaration of war, but honestly, Bellatrix was sorely tempted.


Unfortunately, Rabastan's contacts could not come to Hogwarts until after Yule. So the first Slug Club meeting had Bellatrix making an effort to keep a low profile, ignore Selwyn, memorize who was there, eat (at least there was good stuff), and complain to Rod when it got too much. She left at half past nine, but it must not have looked too bad, because Slughorn said she and Rod were welcome to come again.

On Bellatrix's second Slug Club meeting, the last before the holidays, she noticed Abbott from Gryffindor staring at her. The sixth year had openly downed two shots of firewhisky, so he had to be seventeen. Now that she'd caught him looking, that kind of looks, she couldn't concentrate on anything else.

It was so stupid. She had to do something about it.

Tristan Abbott never figured out why Bellatrix Black seemingly came on to him and then hexed the skin off his legs the moment he (gently!) brushed her lower back, figuring he had all the signals that suggested it was safe to try. He had been almost sober. Okay, maybe not. But he'd been no way near drunk enough to get it that wrong. Maybe his mother was right and he should put off getting romantically involved with girls until after his NEWTS... Then again, Mum probably wouldn't want him dating Bellatrix Black even at thirty. Okay, Tristan had been drunk. He could already see Dad's knowing grin 'you let hot make you stupid, didn't you?' Hexed the skin off his legs. Maybe Black was just insane. Tristan told Madam Pomfrey it had been a spell accident because it just wasn't worth it.

The next day, Andromeda cornered Bellatrix in the dungeons, and dragged her by the arm somewhere they would be alone. "You have to stop. You'll get expelled."

Hm. Who had gone tattling to her sister?

"I won't. He's the son of a half-blood. Anyway he got fixed up."

"Bellatrix. This won't make you feel any better."

"But it did! He touched me. I hexed him straight away. Proof I'm better now."

"Okay, you got your proof. Don't make more people pay because Selwyn was a pig. It was two months ago! He knows to leave you alone now and I've not heard of him bothering anyone else. It's over."

"I said I feel better. I promise I won't hex other boys unless they really ask for it."

"Bella, don't shoot yourself in the foot to-"

Bellatrix frowned at her. "Sis, you're speaking muggle."

Meda winced. "Sorry. Just : don't forget to do what's best for you. Don't let people like Selwyn manipulate you into making your own life difficult in the name of revenge."

Fury blocked Bellatrix's throat. Selwyn wasn't manipulating her. This wasn't about him. This was about her! About making sure she could take care of herself. She -

"Hey, you're safe here," Meda said gently. "You got taken by surprise and it won't happen again. Stop beating yourself up."

"No," Bellatrix ground out, arms tightly crossed across her chest. "You're wrong. I'm never safe. I need to make myself safe."

"Bella -"

"You escape. You pretend your life is those dumb muggle books; that reality doesn't affect you! I live in the real world."

Andromeda's eyes flashed. She crossed her own arms, looking hurt. Good.

"It doesn't have to be this way! Most kids do feel safe. Real life isn't full of Cassiopeias, Orions and Cygnuses. Or even Gareth Selwyns. We can't let them rule us."

"Well, we're stuck being Blacks. So I'm going to rule them."

"You're letting your anger rule you."

Bellatrix stormed away, back in the maze of dungeons corridors. It was that or hexing Meda, which would just prove her sister's point. She'd find some obnoxious portrait to shout at.

Only, how did you do it? How did you get respect, how did you get true power? Andromeda chose to ignore people, Cissy didn't mind being underestimated, but Bellatrix didn't want to look in from the side of the room. She wanted to be in the middle of it, and she wanted people to look up to her.


Author's Note :

It's kind of painful to write Bellatrix, because I have to make her make wrong choices and learn the wrong lessons from events, while I keep throwing hurdles at her. On the other hand, writing abusive childhoods as something that is *always* overcome, as opposed to something that can really wreck you, is IMO unhelpful and dismissive. I'm not saying that Bellatrix has no responsibility. The harm she does is real no matter the reasons she may have. I just think that 'free will' is a messier concept than it sounds, because you can't choose unless you realize you have a choice. Unlike her sisters, Bellatrix fails to see the flaws in her upbringing: she rolls with the punches and doesn't challenge the value system she was raised in (partly because she's not much of an abstract thinker). Selwyn's groping hit her so hard because it echoed her childhood (as in the powerlessness she's felt all her life).

As I see her, Bellatrix is so obsessed with magical power because one of the very few things she's confident about is her own magic levels (the other being her sisters' loyalty), and so she latches onto that to convince herself that if she gets powerful enough, she'll be free to live her life and keep people from hurting her. Also, because of her attitude (on top of her blood purist mindset), nice students stay away from her, and she ends up feeling like everyone except her sisters and cousins are jerks (with the exception of some childhood acquaintances, like Rodolphus, precisely because they got to know each other early enough).

This chapter is a turning point, where we can still glimpse what could have been, had Bellatrix been surrounded by positive, loving figures (don't mistake me, Alphard is a drug-dealing party addict, because that's *his* way to cope. But compared to Cassiopeia and crowd, he's the cool uncle). As we all know, thought, it's just going to get worse.

I'd love to know what stood out for each of you.

One last sidenote : as the wizarding population in the Isles is small and pureblood society even smaller, the same last names are cropping up over and over again. That doesn't mean that a character with the last name of a canon death eater is necessarily that particular death eater.