Hi All, first time posting so forgive me if there are few grammatical, context issues but this something I needed to get out, as a long time fan, especially after the mess of Season 8.
This may sound harsh but one thing I hope they do with Season 9 is give Nathan time away from Elizabeth and for her to understand that whilst she has made her decision, decisions have consequences and that some times that means losing people.
There another possible chapter from Elizabeth's POV but that is a work in progress.
"Walk on," Nathan commanded his horse with a light flick of the reins, Newtown pushing himself forward to resume their previous leisurely pace as they began to meander down one of the many trails that surrounded Hope Valley. Casting his eye around the natural beauty that now surrounded him, he noted there was a stillness in the air, barely of whisper of a wind, the only noise was Newtown's hooves hitting the dirt floor, it was almost like the forest knew he needed peace for a moment in time.
And need it he did.
The summer had arrived, school was out and after a year to forget, his daughter had asked timidly one night if she could spend it with her Aunt Louise outside of Calgary.
Louise was a fellow Mountie's wife, who had taken his daughter under her wing when they were stationed in Fort Campbell. Even though the Mountie life had separated them, Louise still wrote regularly to Allie and often sent through clothing and other things she knew Allie would need as she grew up. Without hesitation he agreed, knowing time away from the small town would recharge his little girl. The only issue with allowing Allie to leave was it left him with very little to distract him from his thoughts especially at night.
Until then, he buried himself in work. Most days now consisted of the same routine with the addition of an afternoon ride. Once his afternoon rounds were completed, he'd disappear out into the hills and fields that surrounded the town. Here was where he found his release.
Some days he would give Newtown the lead and see where the horse would take him, other days he spurred the horse on, scaling open fields and roads as fast his longtime friend would take him. During these rides he let his emotions free. The pain, the anger, the fear. He left it all on the trails, amongst the mountains.
They knew what the town did not. He was broken.
Today had been particularly difficult. As hard as he tried to avoid Elizabeth and Lucas, they seemed to pop up everywhere he had to be. Of course, after everything she had been through, he wanted nothing more than Elizabeth to be happy, for Little Jack to be raised in a loving home, with a mother and father. He loved them both deeply that he was the first to acknowledge that their happiness was the most important thing in the situation but it still pained him. Every time he caught a glimpse of them, it felt like someone had reached inside his chest, tied his heart in a vice and tightened the handle. All he knew he wanted in life was now been held by another man's arms.
Those arms could have been his, if it had not been for his serge. Nathan had always been proud of been a Mountie. It was an honorable profession, that required a great deal of sacrifice, not just by him but by those who loved him. Yet he allowed himself to believe that with time and space, Elizabeth would be able to see beyond the piece of red cloth and see a happy life with him and his daughter.
They would live in a house he designed on the outskirts of town, close enough for them to both easily get to and from the town, far enough away that they would have privacy. He pictured coming home, hanging his serge by the door, turning around to find Elizabeth helping Allie with her homework, Jack happily playing on the floor. It was not an exciting life of adventure but it was perfection to him.
Lowering himself from the saddle, he sat in the grass to the side of the trail, his head in his hands, willing his imagination to stop torturing him with illusions of happily ever after.
He was so lost in thought he did not hear the hooves approaching. "Pondering the world's problems, are we?" The familiar voice cut through his daydream, turning towards the voice, just to confirm it actually was Elizabeth, not just his imagination playing another cruel game with him.
"Something like that," He replied simply as he stood and moved to check Newtown's stirrups. A welcome distraction to give him time to bring a normal tone to his voice, push his emotions away and put his default smile back into place. He knew she was trying to be her usual friendly self but it was not something he could stomach right now, he needed to be alone.
"Right," He heard her reply, the awkwardness of their now non-existent relationship settling over them. Once upon a time the conversation flowed freely with a few inelegant moments' compliments of his attraction to the Hope Valley Teacher. Somehow Elizabeth had the ability to render him incapable of stringing together a coherent sentence. What he would give to go back to the awkwardness, the stilted and short conversations were much worse.
"Have a good evening," Was all he could muster as he swung into the saddle and spurred Newtown away. He knew he should rise above it, act like a mature adult, stayed and talked, try to repair their damaged relationship but he could not do it, not today. Today he needed space. From the world and most of all, from her.
If only it had been that easy. Just as he suspected would happen, within minutes of riding away, he heard the hooves again and her voice carry through the trees.
"Please don't shut me out!" He dropped his head, before climbing down from the saddle again, leaving Newtown to graze on the side of the trail before walking down the track, into an open meadow in the vain hopes of getting away from her but at the same time steeling himself for the confrontation that needed to happen, "Please Nathan."
"No, this is not how this works." He fired back, the anger he had suppressed bubbling to the surface, as he turned towards her, his cold, narrowing eyes, bringing her determined strides to a sudden stop, "You get your happily ever after, and I love you so I want that for you and your son but the world does not revolve around you. The moment you made your choice, you called time out on any relationship we had, whether it was friendship or something more. For now, you have to settle for being no more than my daughter's teacher and another citizen of Hope Valley that I serve, beyond that you get nothing. Not a single damn thing."
He heard Elizabeth gasp in shock at the strength of his language and without a further thought, now the dam on his emotions had burst, he let it all out. "You actually stood in front of me, told me that despite knowing me for three years. Three years. That all you saw me in me was a substitute for your dead husband. Besides that, one time, which was wrong of me, I never demanded anything from you, I knew it would be hard for you to love another Mountie, I respected that. Yet for every time I thought you were beginning to see me, Nathan Grant, turns out you weren't. Apparently, not once in that time could you see past a red cloth and see me. You know, from everything I learnt about your husband, the only thing we had in common was a uniform and our love for you and your son but that uniform is all you can see. So, as I have already said, you get happily ever after but I don't have mine and I need time, my daughter needs time, to work out what happens next."
"Nathan, it doesn't have to be like this." He heard her pleading tone, like she was trying to convince him that they would be alright and maybe in time they would be. Maybe one day they could be friends again but he knew that day was a long way off. Right now, Nathan needed Elizabeth to understand they needed space from one another, time for him to find a way to stop loving her, to stop longing for her to change her mind. "We have a beautiful friendship and I know..."
"Don't. Do not give me some sermon of all in good time, we would have never worked." He snapped cutting Elizabeth off, before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, a desperate attempt to rein in his anger. "Seriously, Elizabeth, how can someone so intelligent not understand that I don't want to talk to you because I am broken," He explained, his voice now laced in defeat, devoid of any other emotion, "I am barely holding myself together. You broke me. You broke Allie and while I did my best to ensure that Allie did not get her hopes up, but she's old enough to understand, to formulate her own thoughts. And I know that was never your intention, to break our hearts, but you did. Your decision was always going to have consequences. Why do you think Allie is not here right now?"
"She went to spend the holidays with a friend." Nathan shook his head simply, catching for a moment, the pool of tears in Elizabeth's eyes threatening to escape down her cheeks.
"And to get away from you."
