Firstly, apologies for taking so long to post the next chapter. I know it may seem like I had forgotten the story, but in actual fact it has been ready to go since before Christmas however due to technical difficulties over the past couple of weeks (i.e. No internet for my laptop until I returned to civilisation) I was unable post until now.
Secondly and most importantly, Thank you to all who took the time to read and review, even reach out behind the scenes. You have no idea how scared I was to post and your kind words have been an amazing confidence boost.
"And to get away from you"
The words reverberated like thunder in a summer storm before they were carried away on the wind, but they had already landed the swiftest of blows, as Elizabeth felt her legs shake, the weight of them forcing her to the ground. They were just six, small, short words, inconsequential on their own, but when tied together had signaled a dramatic rearrangement of her world, and the place of Nathan and Allie in it.
This was a change she not seen coming.
Letting the saltwater trickle down her cheeks, Elizabeth thought of the young woman who had come barreling into her world three years earlier.
Allie was so full of life, at times a little too much to the point it landed her in hot water, that much was apparent when on her first day in town she had absconded from school, leaving Nathan and Elizabeth to scour the town for her. However, after a few mishaps, it soon became apparent why she acted the way she did. To Allie, Hope Valley was just another stop, on the way to another town, as her then uncle worked his way up the ranks of the Mounties'. In her eyes, there was no reason for her to get attached to anything or anyone.
Yet she had become attached, and in hindsight Elizabeth knew she had done little to dissuade her. Many lines had been crossed, from hosting her sleep over, searching for Christmas trees and standing by Allie when Nathan faced the enquiry into his actions. In her young eyes everything Elizabeth had done signaled she was willing to play a bigger role in her life, greater than just that of a teacher. She had shown Allie what life would be like with a mother, a family, security. Now with one decision, Elizabeth had shattered those dreams, driving her from the town she thought was home.
Suddenly her eyes rose in horror. She had driven Allie from the town. Had her decision done the same with Nathan? Elizabeth knew that all would need to happen is for Allie to return from her trip, tell her father she no longer wanted to live in Hope Valley and they would move on.
The dull ache in her chest which had risen as Nathan's words settled over her became more pronounced. What would her world look like without Nathan and Allie?
Nathan was just like his daughter. Though he had requested Hope Valley as a posting, his way of honoring his predecessor, Nathan was still guarded. Placing himself behind well-constructed walls, reinforced from years of personal heartbreak, his way of ensuring that when the time came for him to move on to another posting, there were no emotional attachments holding him back.
As it always did on those who found their way to their small town, Hope Valley weaved it's magic and suddenly promotions and moving on were no longer a priority, it became about stability. Hope Valley gave Allie and Nathan something they had not experienced in years, friends and Defacto family. A home.
Now the foundations of that home had been shaken.
Taking a breath to calm herself, Elizabeth pulled herself from the ground and took a tentative step towards where Nathan stood. Studying him carefully from a distance, behind the glisten of her remaining unshed tears, Elizabeth finally saw with her own two eyes, what Nathan would not allow the town to see or her to see. It was all an act.
When he rode through town, sitting tall in the saddle, there was no doubt in anyone's mind, Nathan Grant, the brave and stoic Mountie was unaffected by the town's newest couple. Instead, he was getting on with life, protecting the citizens of Hope Valley and raising his beautiful daughter. His perceived acceptance of her courtship with Lucas allowed her to walk through town with her love, basking in their new relationship. Now Elizabeth knew Nathan's acceptance was all a façade, her heart broke a little more.
She was drawn from her musings when she heard a defeated sigh from Nathan. With a final sweep, to remove the last of her tears, Elizabeth let her head rise fully, her famous Thatcher stubbornness and pride surging. This was not over; she would make sure of that. Nathan and Allie's place in her life was too important to let them disappear without a fight. Stepping forward, she felt her resolve drain from her body as her eyes' met Nathan's for the first time since their confrontation began. Elizabeth's hand quickly flew to her mouth to cover the gasp that threatened to escape. Now their eyes were locked onto one another, she finally saw it. The one thing Elizabeth believed was not possible. As they stared at one another, it was clear as the sky above them. The spark in his once crystal blue eyes had been extinguished. He had loved her so deeply, that when the truth about her feelings was revealed, the blue literally drained from his eyes.
Unconsciously, just like the day she ran into his arms in the middle of the street, Elizabeth crossed the meadow and wrapped her arms around Nathan, pulling him closer to her body. She felt him stiffen in her arms, and unlike last time, rather than slowly usher her away from a crowd, a protective hand on her lower back, she felt his hands gently push her back. Away from the safety of his arms.
"Please Elizabeth, just go, there is nothing you can do or say that will change a thing." He stated, his voice still emotionless, before turning his back on her, walking to Newtown, grabbing his reins and leading him away.
"Nathan..."
Suddenly Elizabeth's eyes shot open before they darted around the room. She was not in the meadow; she was sitting at her writing desk in her row house. Her son still happily snoozing away next to her on the floor, oblivious to his mother's internal struggle. Sighing to herself, Elizabeth brushed down the page of her journal, trying to remove the evidence of the tears that had escaped during her day dream.
Except it was not a dream. It had really happened and although it had been three weeks since she had ridden up to confront Nathan in the meadow, she was still being taunted by the moment. Up until a week ago, she was awoken by the same scene replaying during her sleep. However, over the past few days, her subconscious toyed with her. Changing the ending from time to time. One night, rather than pushing her away, Nathan would hold her close as they mourned the end of their relationship as they knew it. The most common iteration of the scene, Elizabeth announced her courtship with Lucas was over, that she had made a mistake and her future laid with him and his daughter. In the later, to confuse her more, she would always wake before Nathan had a chance to respond.
Clearly her heart and head were unable to agree on her new place in Nathan and Allie's world.
Stretching out before wiping the lingering sleep from her eyes, Elizabeth refocused on the blank page in front of her, as her pen met the paper, the words to express her turmoil began pouring out from inside her.
She had been journaling for quite some time as her son slept his afternoon away, her open window next to her, carrying the wind and other various sounds from the day-to-day life that continued in Hope Valley. She had been half way through a thought when she heard a familiar name filter past her ears.
"Nathan has gone." She gasped at the words, her pen stalled above the paper, listening intently, trying to get some context. She knew from the way she was raised, that eavesdropping was frowned upon, but this time she needed to know.
"Yes, left before sun up, Bill does not seem to know when he will return but it must not be a while as he wired Allie's Carer to extend her stay."
"Must be important."
"Certainly, to pull him away from here for unknown amount of time."
"Well, it could be a good thing."
"Yes, some time away...
Elizabeth felt the tears well up again as the voices evaporated in the early afternoon air, now too far down the road for her make out, but there was no doubting in her mind where the sentence would have ended. Apparently, Nathan's acting skills had faltered in front of others or they had paid more attention than Elizabeth, seeing through the façade earlier than her, then willingly playing along to save him more hurt.
Casting her mind back to the other times Mountie business had forced Nathan to leave Hope Valley, Elizabeth suddenly felt the truth hit her like a freight train. Once upon a time she would have been one of the first, if not first, to know his movements and he had done to quell her fears.
Loosing Jack Snr, having him constantly moving between assignments was hard for her, the uncertainty played havoc with her emotions. Although they had never spoken about it, Nathan understood those fears, so he would actively seek her out, provided her with a timetable of his comings and goings. What he could tell about the assignment, when he would leave, how long he would be gone and this expected return day, that he would wire her if anything changed. Although he often told her it, he was keeping her informed as Allie's teacher, Elizabeth took comfort in his efforts, and deep down she knew it was his way of reassuring her that he would be coming back to Hope Valley. Back to his daughter and back to her.
Now, her place in his world had been relegated to last to know through idle second or third hand gossip. Since Elizabeth was not 'in love with him', Nathan did not need to reassure her anymore and her rights to know about the assignment, how long it would take, they day he was leaving or his expected day home, had been terminated. There certainly would be no reason to wire her if the assignment was extended. That was not important information to her anymore.
Moving to the settee, Elizabeth pulled one of the cushions into her lap, burying her face into the fabric, she used it to mask her anguished sobs as the consequences to her decisions finally escaped. The true reality of her happiness was it came at an extremely high cost. Nathan was right, she had her happily every after with Lucas but the price she had to pay was losing two of the most important people in her life, Nathan and Allie, potentially for good; and no matter how much she tried to reason with herself that it was only temporary, that in time they would come back, there was a deep seeded, lingering fear within her heart that she had lost them for good.
Suddenly, Elizabeth knew she was no longer free to love openly again, instead she found herself with another decision to make.
How was she going to move forward while living with the consequences of breaking a heart.
