Happy Friday! I've hope you've all a good, and safe, week :) As always, thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites!
Enjoy today's chapter! It's another long one this time.
PS - I had lost the original copy of this chapter but was able to import it from my Ao3 account (Yay!), but it looks like some words & formatting got lost along the way... so I'll be correcting the ones that I find.
The artificial sun hung high about the Sector Seven slums and cast pale light against the patchwork town. It was not a warm light, per say. This light was cold and thin, and it reminded Tifa of iridescent lightbulbs hanging from office ceilings instead of natural, golden sunlight. She leaned out the window for a moment, her eyes pinned onto the bright disc hanging over the slums, before sighing and pulling the curtains closed.
When she had been a child, she had taken the sun for granted. Had taken the sky for granted.
Not so much anymore.
Her hands lingered on the curtain's thin fabric as she lost herself in memories, memories of a tiny town far away from here, before sighing and glancing over her shoulder.
Cloud sat right where she had left him; in his corner, curled up against the wall, his knees tucked into his chest and arms crossed over his knees. He had dozed off immediately after they had arrived back from Seventh Heaven, which had surprised Tifa – she had known he had been tired, but had no idea that he had been so exhausted. It worried her. Though, everything about Cloud's situation worried her. She had even checked once or twice to make sure he was still breathing, as his breathes were so faint they didn't even stir his chest.
Tifa crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself as she recalled finding Cloud at the train station yesterday afternoon. Then again this morning: Cloud staring at her from the bathroom floor, pale and stricken and stunned, only to tell her that he had tripped. And then later, at the bar – the same look of terror had crossed his face, if only for a moment, before it was gone and he smiled at her. Reassured her that he was okay, that he was all right.
She knew that it was only an act, and that he was putting on a brave face so that she wouldn't worry. But it only made her worry more.
The bed groaned as it accepted her weight. She splayed her hands flat against the covers and her delicate fingers, her knuckles scarred and thick from training, played with the comforter's old fabric.
She wished… Well, she wished for a lot of things, but right now she wished that Cloud could be more honest with her. To tell her what was going on in his head.
Not that I'm one to talk, she thought with a small, bitter smile. She clenched her hands against the comforter. Not after I dragged him into Avalanche.
Memories of the bar flickered through her mind. She had been afraid of Cloud meeting everyone, as he was so brittle right now, so fragile. Like the smallest nudge could shatter him, and yet she quickly learned that her fears were unfounded. In fact, she felt a little jolt of pride at how Cloud had handled himself in front of the rest of the team. He had seemed more confident. More in his element, and the way he had effortlessly pushed Barret's gun aside, as if it weighed nothing…
It was enough to make her think that maybe, just maybe, Cloud would be okay after all.
That said, she thought, her eyebrows knitting in frustration, I'm going to have to talk to Barret later. He had promised her that he would be on his best behavior, promised that all he wanted to meet Tifa's friend, the ex-SOLDIER, and see if he could be trusted on the team. As for recruiting him… well, Tifa had known that it would always be a possibility. Truth be told, they had needed someone like Cloud for a while: a professional, someone who understood Shinra, and someone who could fight. She just hadn't expected them to recruit Cloud so soon.
And then, worst of all, Cloud accepted the job. And not because he believed in Avalanche or their mission, or because he liked the group so much. He said so himself – he would do the job for her. Because of their promise.
Guilt twisted within her, and Tifa sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. I'll just… have to trust Cloud. Unbidden, her eyes began to burn with unshed tears, but she refused to let them fall. Crying was a waste of time, and right now it wouldn't solve anything. I'll have to trust that he knows what he's doing, she knew. Besides, he was in SOLDIER, wasn't he? He must have been in far more dangerous situations than a stealth mission.
Or at least, she certainly hoped so.
She sighed again before leaning forward to rest her chin on her hands. In front of her, Cloud continued to sleep. His blond eyelashes, nearly silver in the dark, fluttered as he dreamed and once again she was struck by how young he looked while sleeping. How he curled himself into the tightest of balls against the wall, as if preparing to wake up and run.
She reached forward and brushed back his bangs from his eyes, almost without realizing she was doing so. Oh Cloud, she thought, I'm so sorry.
She wasn't sure how long she sat there, drowning in her thoughts, but after a moment she sniffed and wiped her eyes. She couldn't just sit in the dark feeling sorry for herself all day. There were things to do, places to be, and Cloud needed some new clothes. She could tell that he was less than enthusiastic about going clothes shopping with her earlier, so maybe she could spare him the trip and do it herself. It might even be fun. And maybe she could pick up some lunch on the way back, something he might have never tried before.
Maybe chicken paella? she thought as she got to her feet. Or maybe something a little simpler - she pulled the comforter off of the bed – like an egg rice bowl? She carefully draped the comforter over Cloud's sleeping form, and though he initially made a small noise of protest – which made Tifa go very, very still, as she was afraid she had woken him up – he immediately quieted, and Tifa slowly exhaled her relief. And I wonder if Cloud has ever had boba before? she continued as she watched him for a moment, just to make sure that he was well and truly asleep, that he was still breathing.
Well, I guess we'll find out, she decided, and satisfied that Cloud would be okay on his own, at least until she returned, she grabbed her keys and made her way to the front door. But then she paused, and turned around to murmur, "I'll be right back." With that she opened the door, and light spilled into the apartment. The thin light momentarily highlighted Cloud's sleeping form, the muted green tint to his blond hair, before she slowly shut the door behind her. There was a heavy thud as it was locked, and then her footsteps echoed down the rickety staircase.
And still Cloud didn't stir.
The Turk armory was far simpler a place than Zack had imaged. There were no ancient relics hanging on the walls, no legendary items protected in glass containers, no suits of armor weighing down featureless mannequins. Instead, the Turk armory was simple. Plain. The walls were made of dark steel, and a collection of weapons such as guns, swords, shuriken, and staffs were hung in neat rows upon it. In brief, the Turk armory was the perfect blend of efficiency and emotional detachment.
Just like the SOLDIER armory back in HQ, Zack thought dryly. He had yet to decide if that was a good thing, though. He paced back and forth in the armory, his arms crossed over his chest and the beginnings of a scowl on his lips. They're late, he decided. Tseng, true to his word, had picked up Zack two hours after their morning meeting and had dropped him off at the Turk armory. Tseng had also dropped off a new uniform, as Zack's old SOLDIER attire was covered in dirt, mud, mako residue, blood, and who knew what else, and told him to wear it on the mission. That it was the standard uniform of Shinra contractors, but at first, Zack had been perturbed. His regular clothes were fine, thank you very much. Old, yes. Gross? Probably, yeah, but at least someone had washed most of the stains off. He didn't need a new uniform to wear, even if it did look like a SOLDIER uniform.
But then he put the new uniform on, and damn, did it make a difference. The pants were so crisp that they actually crinkled when he walked. Not to mention that there weren't any sloppily-patched holes, no weird stains, and the fabric was actually black. His old uniform had been the same shade at one point, until life had faded it several shades lighter. Only now did he realize just how disgusting his old clothes were. He was lucky Cissnei had even let him and Cloud into her helicopter, considering he had also been covered in blood and sweat at the time.
Cloud… Zack tilted his head up, and if he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that he was looking towards the sky instead of a cold, impersonal, metal ceiling. Please be okay.
After he and Cloud had escaped the lab, they had spent ten months on the run. Ten months of constant traveling, of constantly looking over their shoulder for any sign of Shinra or the infantry, of constantly sleeping with one eye open just in case the army found them and dragged them back to that hell. And the first month had been the hardest – the infantry had always seemed to be right beside them, Zack had still been weak and recovering from his own treatments, and Cloud…
Zack grimaced. Cloud had been experiencing mako poisoning in a bad way. It was worse than anything Zack had been told, and at one point, he had thought that Cloud was actually going to die. Just stop breathing and die, right there in front of him.
But Cloud was stubborn. More stubborn that Zack had ever given him credit for, and had continued to hang on, one day at a time, until he slowly got a little better. Until his fever lessened. Until the he stopped vomiting mako. Until the shaking stopped and he was able to support his own weight, just a tiny bit, when Zack would help him to their camp for the night.
And now Cloud was gone.
He was gone, and Zack didn't know where he was.
Shit.
Zack clenched his jaw against the sudden swell of emotion, against the memories and feelings he had been doing his damnest to keep down. Cloud is okay, he told himself. He's visiting a friend. Aerith had told him so, and he needed to believe that. He had to believe that, because if the alternative was true and Cloud was actually hurt and scared somewhere, all by himself…
Zack's throat tightened and he shook his head. No, don't think like that, he ordered. He had to believe that Cloud was okay, and that he would stay okay until Zack could get there. Until they could be together, and he could get Cloud proper treatment for his mako poisoning.
And maybe I'll find him today, Zack reminded himself. Reno and Rude would get here any minute, and as soon as they did…
Resolve hardened within him, and he stopped pacing to double check his uniform. To make sure his gloves were tight, that his new boots would not blister his feet, and that everything fit comfortably. He didn't want any distractions on today's mission.
Satisfied that his equipment fit him appropriately, he dragged his gaze to the Buster Sword, now hanging on the wall. Someone had taken the time to polish it, and now he could see his reflection staring back at him from within its cold steel. And he looked... different. There was a new hardness to his eyes that he hadn't been there before, a hard set to his jaw, and his lips seemed thinner – a little sharper, not as prone to smiling. There was an edge to him that he did not recognize.
And yet there was something distinctly fragile about his expression as well. Zack couldn't define it, exactly He couldn't decide if it was because of the hollow glow to his eyes, or the bruises beneath his eyes, or how his cheeks were thinner, his skin more pale, but…
I look like a mess, he thought, and it made him smile – a sharp, brittle smile. No wonder Aerith had seemed so worried about him the day before. If he had seen himself, he would have been worried, too.
And there was so much to worry about.
Sighing, Zack lightly tapped his forehead against the flat of his blade. He closed his eyes against the chill and exhaled, slow and even. Forced himself to try to relax, because right now he had to stay focused. He had to focus on what he could do right now – which was the mission in front of him – and nothing else. After all, if he was going to find Cloud, he would need to be at his best.
And like whenever he thought about being his best self, his mind slipped back into memories of his late mentor.
Embrace your dreams, Angeal had once told him, and never forget your honor as SOLDIER.
Zack's smile lost a bit of its sharpness. When Angeal had first told him that, his dream had been a simple one. Maybe unattainable, if Lazard had anything to say about it... but simple. He had wanted to be a hero, someone that the entire world could look up to, someone the entire world would respect. Now that dream had been replaced by other things. Humbler things, and he lifted his hands to grip the blade's hilt; not to pick it up, but just to feel its familiar weight, and remind himself of who he was and what he wanted to accomplish.
He wanted to find Cloud and bring him home, safe and well.
He wanted to help Aerith fill Midgar with flowers, like she had dreamed of doing four years ago.
He wanted to visit Gongaga and tell his parents that he was alive, and introduce Aerith and Cloud to them. Maybe then eat a home-cooked meal for once.
He also wanted to thank Cissnei for saving him and Cloud on the Midgar wasted, and for giving them a second chance. Thank Tseng too, for that same reason.
And then, when I finish all of that… Zack turned away from the blade and pinned his gaze on the clock, and his sea-green eyes followed its hands as they ticked along its face. I guess I'll find a new dream.
Without warning, the armory door swung open. Zack wasn't surprised, as his mako-enhanced hearing had already picked up on the footsteps, and he turned to see Reno stride into the armory like he owned the place. Rude was a few steps behind, adjusting his collar and straightening his sunglasses.
Who wears sunglasses indoors, anyway? Zack thought. Crossing his arms over his chest, he continued, "Heya. Glad you two finally decided to show up."
Reno frowned at him, unsure if Zack was being sarcastic or not. "Yeah, well, sorry to keep you waiting." He bounced his electro-mag rod against his shoulder, almost impatiently. "We got held up."
Rude grunted in affirmation. "We were in a last-minute meeting with Tseng."
"Oh, really?" Zack arched an eyebrow. "And I wasn't invited?"
"Turks only," Reno stated. "Contractors aren't exactly invited to Turk missions, let alone confidential meetings. Just be happy you're here, Fair."
"Yeah, whatever."
"And another thing." Reno tilted his chin towards the Buster Sword, and added, "Tseng is asking you to reconsider bringing that along. I get that you don't like being parted from your favorite toy -" Zack narrowed his eyes, "- but that sword is kinda obvious." Reno shrugged. "It's gonna make our job harder, you know."
Zack glanced at Buster Sword. At his reflection, trapped within its metal surface. "Yeah, well…" Turning back to Reno, he continued, "I'm not bringing it after all."
Rude's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "What changed your mind?"
"No particular reason." It wasn't like Zack didn't want to bring the sword. In fact, he desperately wanted to – leaving the Buster Sword behind on a mission felt a bit like leaving behind his arm, or his leg. But he had thought about what Tseng had said, about how the Buster Sword was so distinctive, and realized that if it impeded his mission to find Cloud… then it had to get left behind.
He smiled, small and sad, and pressed his hand against the flat of the blade – Cloud was a little more important than his sword, after all.
"Yuck, man," Reno said behind him. "Stop reminiscing like an old lady and let's go."
Zack's brow furrowed, and he dropped his hand. "I'm not reminiscing."
"Suuure," Reno drawled. "You're just smiling at your sword, which is a totally not-weird thing to do."
"Ignore Reno," Rude said. Shooting Zack a sympathetic glance – or what Zack interpreted as a sympathetic glance, as it was hard to tell behind Rude's sunglasses – Rude continued, "He just feels bad we didn't find you and Strife before the infantry arrived."
Reno shot Rude a horrified look. "Rude!"
"You guys were there too?" Zack said, blinking in surprise.
Rude nodded, while Reno sputtered behind him.
"Yeah, well, we were. Or we tried to be," Reno stated, and impatiently ran a hand through his hair. "Finding you and Stride in the wastes had been damn near impossible. Like finding a needle in a haystack."
"But Cissnei found us," Zack said, referring to both him and Cloud.
"Yeah, well..." Reno began bouncing his electro-mag rod on his shoulder again. "Let's just say that Cissnei was determined, like more than usual. But like, why are even talking about this, anyway?" He frowned at his partner, then at Zack. The bouncing quickened. "Can we just go?"
Zack couldn't help but agree. He was more than ready to begin their mission, and had already begun heading to the elevator. "So where are we going?"
"We'll be driving to upper Sector Four," Rude replied. He hit the up button on the elevator, and continued, "The Turks have a small outpost there."
"Outpost?"
The elevator doors slid open, and the three of them stepped inside. "Yeah, for intelligence operations and shit," Reno explained. "All footage from Midgar's security cameras is stored there for up to a month, and going through them is a real pain in the ass."
"You don't store that in Shinra HQ?" Zack asked.
"Nah." Reno hit the top floor, and continued, "It was Tseng's idea, and Rufus Shinra – the Shinra VP, if you don't know who that is -"
"I know who Rufus is," Zack replied, perturbed. "It's only been away four years, you know. Hell, we used to be coworkers."
"A lot has changed since then," Rude gently pointed out.
"And Rufus agreed," Reno finished, dragging the conversation back to the original topic.
Rude got the hint, and added, "Rufus wants to keep the Turks separate from Shinra."
Now that was news to Zack, and he shot Rude a surprised look. "Why?"
But instead of getting an answer, Rude and Reno only shared a brief glance. "You'll find out," Reno finally replied. "Maybe."
Zack scowled - he didn't like being left out of secrets. "Oh, is this more Turk-only business or something?"
"Sure, think of it that way, contractor," Reno dryly replied. Zack's scowl deepened. "Just be happy you don't have to attend the meetings."
"Ah, I remember those. But think of it this way: If you disappeared for four years, maybe you can skip the meetings, too." Zack managed a grin, thin and sharp. "Worked for me."
Rude pushed his sunglasses a bit higher up his nose, and Reno deadpanned, "Yeah, no thanks," just as the elevator chimed.
The doors slid open and the three of them stepped out of the elevator, and Zack squinted his eyes against the breeze and sudden sunlight. It took his eyes only a moment to adjust, but what he say made his eyes widen.
He hadn't seen Midgar in four, almost five years, but it was drastically different than his memories. He took a step closer to the edge, his teal eyes wide and bright. Gone were the construction rigs, the support beams, the jagged metal that had made Midgar look permanently undeveloped and unfinished. Gone were the propaganda posters advertising a finished Midgar and SOLDIER enhancements, and in their place was posters about movies, and plays, and concerts. An entire rail system snaked through the different sectors, and there were glass elevators rising between the lower and upper plates. If Zack tilted his gaze upward, he would have noticed the thin green film covering the sky's natural blue, and would have known that it was due to mako pollution.
But Zack didn't look up. All he could do was stare at the Midgar skyline, at its progress, at the promise that it would continue to thrive. And it occurred to him, as he stood on the edge of the car garage with the wind blowing back his hair, that the world had continued to move these past four years without him. That the world was entirely indifferent to whether or not he lived or died, and he had been left behind in the meantime. Him and Cloud.
Reno followed his stare, this huffed a laugh. "Oh yeah, forget you haven't seen this in a while. It's a lot, huh?" Then he paused, his expression uncharacteristically serious for someone so prone to smiling. "What do you think, seeing Midgar now?" His green eyes were bright, and he seemed genuinely curious.
"It's… I just… I don't know," Zack admitted. From his vantage point, he could see the outline of a plaza below him. There were people walking though it, actual people, and he could remember a time when he was hunting monsters down there back as a SOLDIER: 2nd Class. The monsters were long gone now, and it was hard to imagine them there in the first place. Everything looked so… so clean, so civilized, and suddenly he felt out of place. "All this happened in four years?"
"Yeah, it did. Now stop gawkin'," Reno continued. "We have a mission to do. And you were so damn impatient earlier, too," he added under his breath.
Mission. Right. After a moment, Zack tore his gaze away from the scenery below and made his way to the van, where Rude was already warming up the car. Rude's dark gaze followed Zack as the ex-SOLDIER climbed in the back seat, his expression unreadable.
Zack met his gaze and frowned. "What? Something on my face?"
"No." Rude shook his head and turned back out the front windshield, where a road lifted off of the car garage and wrapped around the Turk building. "Is everyone ready?"
"Yeah yeah yeah," Reno impatiently replied. He leaned back in his seat and folded his hands behind his fiery red hair. "Can we just go already?"
Rude made an affirmative noise, and the engine hummed as they began to drive.
"So, the reactors," Zack began as they left the car garage. He leaned forward in his seat, his elbows balanced on his knees. "Is that really what Avalanche is planning on blowing up? Like, actually?"
"You bet your spiky hair it is," Reno replied. His head was tilted towards the window, and the passing scenery was reflected in the green of his eyes. "Crazy assholes think blowing up a reactor will solve all their problems… If only it were that easy," he added with a huff.
"Huh." Zack glanced back out the window, at the scenery that seemed both strikingly familiar and utterly foreign at the same time. He glanced upwards, towards the reactors. They had gotten bigger since the last time he had seen them. They seemed… more industrial in a way, like the pipes had been reinforced and expanded to accommodate more energy, and seemed entirely indestructible. Thick green sprayed into the atmosphere above, which explained the constant taste of metal in his mouth.
There's no way Avalanche can blow one up, Zack decided, turning away. It'll be a suicide mission.
"So," Zack said, his voice loud in the car's quiet. "When we get to your Turk outpost in Sector Four, then what? Dig through security footage?"
"Well, you are," Reno said. He was still looking at the world outside the window, and occasionally his eyes flicked towards the sky. Or rather, the thin, green-tinted haze that covered it. "Have fun with that."
"Wait." Zack's gaze flicked between him and Rude. "You guys aren't joining?"
Reno sighed. "Nah. Too boring."
"What?" Confusion gave way to incredulous frustration, and Zack leaned forward in his seat. His chest strained against the seat belt as he continued, "I joined you guys – agreed to help you guys – in order to find Cloud. And I don't see how -"
"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch, Fair," Reno said, cutting him off. "You know, you've gotten way more im -"
"We're going to the outpost for you," Rude interrupted. He shot Reno a dry look, one that Reno rolled his eyes at before sinking deeper into his seat. Satisfied, Rude continued, "The outpost contains all the security footage from Midgar."
Zack crossed his arms across his chest. "So?"
"C'mon Fair, put the pieces together." Reno leaned his head against the window, and looked completely unimpressed by the conversation. "Why the hell would Tseng want to drag your prickly ass to the information center of Midgar, with Turk support?"
Zack's brows furrowed. "Why would he..." Suddenly, all at once, it clicked. If Zack had all of the footage from Midgar, he would be able to sift through it all to find Cloud's location. Maybe not today's footage – he wouldn't let his hopes run that high – but maybe to yesterday, when he had left the hospital. Maybe a security camera captured the direction he ran, where he went…
Reno smirked at Zack's stricken expression. "Bingo."
"Okay, fine." Zack rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks warm. "Whatever. So I'll look through the camera feed. But," he added as a new thought occurred to him, "what will you guys be doing in the meantime?"
"The original mission," Rude stated. He eased their van onto the highway, and a Welcome to Sector Four! passed beside them in green blur. "Finding members of Avalanche."
"You really think they'll be at Sector Four?" Zack asked.
At that, Reno sighed. "Who fucking knows. God, I'm already exhausted," he added, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Rude, we there yet?"
"Five more minutes."
"Ugh. Can this thing go any faster?" Reno continued. "We could have been there by now in a 'copter."
"Tseng requested subtly," came Rude's easy reply.
"Speaking of Tseng," Zack added from the backseat, "he seems to have gotten softer."
At that, Reno's gaze flicked to the backseat mirror. Pinning Zack with a dry look, he deadpanned. "Yeah. Maybe to you. Not exactly to the rest of us."
Zack only grinned in response.
Cloud coughed out a mixture of mako and bile as he was thrown back into his cell. The curved glass of the holding chamber briefly steamed as the door resealed, but then the vapor cleared and he was left to stare weakly through the glass. At the people walking beyond its icy confines, their gloves hands holding notepads, their white coats draped on their bodies. Cloud hated those lab coats, but at the moment, he would have given almost anything for one.
He was so cold.
He curled in on himself as he wetly coughed. Mako splattered the ground just past his lips, and his faint breathes cast ripples against its neon, emerald-green surface. Beyond that, he could see his hands, his fingertips blue and lightly curled. He gasped. Air filled his burning lungs, momentarily soothing the fire within them, but then he was coughing all over again.
God, it hurt, but eventually it subsided and all he could do was to lie there. Moving hurt his burned, blistered skin too much. Hell, even breathing hurt, and he tried to keep his breaths as faint as light as possible, at least to stop himself from further irritating his lungs and coughing more.
Suddenly he was cast in someone's shadow. He turned his head into the floor, away from the shadow, and the icy ground chilled his feverish cheeks. His breaths rattled in his chest – did they really want to keep going? Was this only a moments reprieve, and they were going to pull him back in the mako pod? Or…
His imagination spiraled as the man outside began to speak, but his voice was warped and indistinct, and eventually – finally – went away. Cloud shakily exhaled in relief, only for his body to seize and then he was coughing, far harder than before. First all he could cough up was more mako, but then he was coughing up red, too. Scarlet splattered the floor and a throb hissed through his body. Whimpering against the sharp pain, he curled further in on himself.
I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine, he told himself, over and over and over again. The coughing would pass. The hurt would pass. He just needed to rest for a moment, just needed…
His eyes opened, and the fresh mako within them burned a startling shade of green.
He needed Zack.
He needed Zack desperately, needed Zack to tell him that he was okay, that the sickness would pass and they would be all right. That desperation forced him to lift his head. To stare at the other holding cell, and his eyes pricked when he saw that it was empty.
He dropped his head, and it connected dully with the unyielding ground. Zack wasn't in his cell, which meant that Cloud had been dragged out of the mako pod early – probably because he failed some test of theirs – and that Zack was still floating in there somewhere.
Which meant Cloud was in the holding container bay, alone.
His chest tightened. And not from his mako treatment.
"Za… aa ..."
His lips, numb from cold, couldn't form Zack's name in his mouth, and his voice was a broken rasp, little more than a shiver against his glass prison. Cloud remained limp on the ground as something wet and hot slipped from his eyes and ran down his cheeks.
" aa..."
Alone. He was alone in this glass jar, until Zack came back, but that could be hours from now. Days. Sometimes Hojo kept Zack away for weeks at a time, and vice versa... or at least, that's what Cloud thought during his brief moments of consciousness. Sometimes, he wasn't sure if Zack would ever come back. Maybe Zack was dead right now, and the thought choked him. Choked him and dark thoughts flitted back and forth through his mind like songbirds, each singing their own unique and equally dark song. His eyes fluttered closed against them.
He missed the sky...
Cloud gasped as he opened his eyes. For a moment he lay in his corner, afraid to move, before his limbs lost some of their rigidity and breath returned to his lungs. The whispers of his dream faded back into the dark recesses of his mind, but some of the emotion lingered. Loneliness. Fear. Sorrow. Something slipped down his cheeks, wet and warm, and he brushed his fingers against their tracks.
Tears?
His lips twitched into a frown, and he gingerly wiped his face with his wrist. Sure enough, his cheeks were damp, and his eyes felt like they were made of sandpaper. Even his throat felt sore, like he had been screaming for a long time. Yet he knew that he didn't make a sound.
He never made a sound when he slept.
But that just brought up a new series of questions, and he squinted at his damp fingertips in utter confusion.
I was asleep?
He lifted his head, blinking at the apartment. He certainly didn't remember falling asleep. The last thing he could recall was Tifa and him entering her apartment after meeting her… her friends, he thought, the word sour on his tongue.
And then..
He lifted his head to gaze about the room, more dazed than anything. Then what happened? He was vaguely aware that he had sat down at some point, and had been listening to Tifa telling him about the various shops in the slums, and then… nothing. His memories abruptly cut off, leaving him frowning. Had I actually fallen asleep?
He must have. Sighing, he moved to sit up, only to pause at the blanket placed over him. Tifa's comforter, he recognized after a moment. Sure enough, her comforter was missing from her bed, and it took him a moment to realize that she must have draped it over him when he had fallen asleep.
Heat kissed his cheeks, and he carefully laid the comforter back over her bed. I need to find my own place, he knew, pushing his hair out of his eyes. I can't keep… relying on her like this.
That thought firmly in his mind, he glanced at the rest of the room. As he had expected, Tifa had left sometime while he had been asleep. His gaze darted towards the door; for some reason, the thought of her gone left him feeling uneasy. Exposed, in a strange way, and he wished that she would come back. He didn't like being here by himself.
As if she had been summoned, the door suddenly clicked unlocked and the door creaked open. Tifa opened the door cautiously, as if afraid of waking him, but her face lit up when she noticed Cloud standing and she opened the door entirely. Light spilled into the room.
"Good morning, sleepy head," she smiled as she stepped inside, then shut the door behind her. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." His gaze dropped to the bag in his arms. It looked heavy, and without a thought, he moved forward to help her carry it.
"Don't worry!" she said in response to his silent question to help. "I got this." And she did; she carried the bag to the bed and spilled out its contents – a sleeveless sweater, baggy pants, boots, a shoulder guard, and a magnetized sword holster – onto the bed.
Cloud's eyes widened a fraction, and he glanced at her in question.
"It's for you," Tifa explained. She grinned at his surprised expression, her own expression bright and warm, and Cloud felt himself relax a bit. "I know you weren't super excited about going shopping earlier, so I went ahead and picked some things up for you." Holding the shirt up, she thoughtfully added, "Hopefully they fit better than Biggs' clothes."
Cloud's expression soured at the mention of Biggs, and he almost asked Tifa about him right then and there… but something kept his lips pressed firmly shut. Truth be told, he didn't want to know.
"Well?" Tifa's voice pulled Cloud out of his thoughts. She was holding the shirt up for him to inspect, and her eyes searched his face for any sort of reaction. "What do you think?"
Cloud reached forward so that his fingertips brushed against the shirt's material. Despite clearly being pre-owned, the black, knitted fabric was soft and thick. It felt durable. Solid, even. "It looks like a SOLDIER uniform," he finally said.
"That's because it is." Tifa placed the shirt back on the bed and held up the pants, twisting it this way and that. "Or at least, it's an older model. I got a pretty good deal on it, too," she added, grinning. "Honestly, I'm surprised that it was even here at the slums. I wonder how it got here," she mused aloud.
Cloud's gaze flicked across the pants; at its leather belt, the double belt loops, the dark, tightly woven fabric that was more armor than cloth. It must have been expensive, he thought, frowning. Not to mention that he already owed her for letting him stay at her apartment…
"I can pay you back," he ventured.
"No, don't worry about it," Tifa told him. She smiled at him, kind and warm, and he found himself returning her smile without realizing it. "Think of it as a… as a gift, okay? Like a reunion gift. And a... no, never mind."
Cloud's smile slipped. "Tifa..."
"Besides, I couldn't just walk away from it when I found it," Tifa continued, and placed the pants back on the bed, right beside the shirt and the magnetic harness. "It was missing the shoulder guards though, and I could only find one replacement… I hope that's all right," she added, worrying her lip. "Be extra careful with your right shoulder, okay?"
"I will."
Tifa briefly smiled at him before returning her attention to the clothes. "Well, want to try it on?" When Cloud nodded, she continued, "And then, if you're feeling up for it, we can try to find you a proper weapon. And afterwards, maybe we can pick up a late lunch or dinner," she cheerfully added. "How does that sound?"
"Good," Cloud replied, and slowly pulled himself back onto his feet and made his way into the restroom to change.
When the door clicked shut behind him, and he quickly replaced Biggs' clothes with the old SOLDIER uniform Tifa had bought him. He was surprised by how well these clothes fit by comparison. The turtleneck didn't hang off of him like Biggs' t-shirt had, and while the pants were still a little loose around the waist, tightening the belt fixed that problem. All in all, he stared at his reflection and realized that it all felt… right. Familiar even, and the realization almost had him smiling. He hadn't realized how desperately he craved familiarity before this moment.
Maybe I've worn a uniform like this before, he thought as he strapped the left shoulder guard in place. It wasn't the smooth, hard-leather guard of a typical SOLDIER uniform. This guard was little more than two pieces of curved metal held together by thick screws, but it was more comfortable and fit far better than what Cloud had been expecting. Coupled with the magnetic sword holster onto his back, he found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, wide-eyed. He looked like…
Well, he looked like a SOLDIER.
But as he stared at himself – at his new uniform, at the mako burning in his eyes – he realized that he wasn't happy by it. In fact, disappointment stung bitterly in his chest. Why? he wondered, confused by his own reaction, but then realization set in.
Yes, it was all familiar. But he certainly didn't remember anything about being in SOLDIER. No memories bubbled from the dark crevices of his mind, no images burst forth from the fog, and he tore his gaze away from the mirror.
Why can't I remember?
His gaze flicked to the trash can, still full of his old hospital clothes, and he looked away. Swallowing a sigh, he reached down to collect Biggs' clothes, meaning to grab them before showing Tifa that the uniform fit…
… but something caught his attention in the mirror. Something like long silver hair and pair of eyes, green and slitted, and he dragged his gaze up without thinking.
Only to go deathly still. His breath hitched in his throat and phantom pain flickered through his chest as Sephiroth smiled at him, their gazes meeting from within the mirror. No, Cloud's mind screamed, screamed in absolute rejection, but the only sound that escaped his lips was a shuddering breath. He can't be here. Yet there Sephiroth was, standing just as Cloud remembered; tall, lean, his black armor impenetrable and ivory shoulder guards shined, blemish-less, untouched. Like before, Sephiroth's slitted eyes looking down on Cloud like he was nothing, and looking up, Cloud could see the madness burning in the ex-General's eyes. It was the same madness Cloud had seen when he had run him through.
Sweat pricked Cloud's brow as he stared, his breathing ragged. "You can't be here," he whispered. His voice trembled between them as he stared at the mirror, unable to tear gaze away even if he wanted to. "I… killed you."
Sephiroth's lips sharpened into a brittle smile. "You can't escape me, Cloud," he murmured.
His cool, crisp voice echoed in Cloud's head and bounced around in his mind, ricocheted off of his walls, and Cloud gasped, a small, desperate sound. He's here. Memories bubbled to the surface, unbidden and unwanted, until Cloud could feel Sephiroth's katana Matsume slide into his chest. Until he could feel the sharp sting of the freezing metal. Until he could feel it pull and tear at things inside of him, breaking things, and suddenly Cloud was no longer in Tifa's apartment but in Nibelheim's mako reactor, stabbed through, his feet dangling over the ledge...
Cloud gasped and, forcing himself to turn away from the mirror, spun around but he moved too quickly, far too quickly, and hit the floor with a teeth-clattering thud. His ears were ringing. Ringing, and his mouth tasted like copper, but he hardly noticed as he scrambled back to his feet. It sounded as if a thousand birds were chirping in his head…
There was a knock on the door, followed by and urgent, "Cloud, what was that?"
But Cloud didn't hear. His chest heaved as his eyes darted around the small room, his back pressed against the hard sink, sweat pricking his brow. But Sephiroth wasn't here, and with a start, Cloud realized that Sephiroth had never been here at all. That Cloud was in Tifa's apartment, not the reactor, and relief made him lightheaded. He was safe. He was okay. He was just… just tired, and seeing things. That's all it was.
Another knock, this time followed by a more urgent, "Cloud? Are you okay?"
"I – I'm fine." Cloud hated how he couldn't stop his voice was trembling, but he prayed to whatever god that cared that Tifa wouldn't notice. His fingers trembled as they pressing against his chest, where Matsume ran him through, as if to reassure himself that the infamous blade wasn't there anymore. "Just… tripped."
"Really?" Cloud could hear the disbelief in Tifa's voice, her worry, as she continued, "Can you unlock the door?"
Cloud's head jerked to the door, suddenly terrified that it was already unlocked. She couldn't see him right now. She couldn't. If she did, she wouldn't let him go on Barret's dumb job tomorrow, and if he didn't go, then he couldn't keep his promise to help her. And he had to keep his promise.
He had to.
Cloud slowly inhaled and forced his heart rate to calm, to steady. It was a trick he learned from the infantry, and when he spoke again, he was pleased that his voice was even. "I'll be right out," he said. "Almost done."
There was a pause. The heavy sort, the kind that made Cloud nervous, before Tifa sighed and said, "Okay." He could hear her footsteps grow quieter as she stepped away from the door, followed by the groan of her mattress as she sat down upon it.
And Cloud released the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, and thoughtless, he quickly splashed water on his face before drying off with a towel. He glanced at the mirror only once more, just to assure himself that he didn't look nearly as pallid and unhinged as he felt, before pointedly avoiding the mirror as he stepped out of the restroom.
Tifa's head snapped to him, her ruby-eyes bright with concern. "You good?"
"Tripped."
Tifa gave him a look, one that said that she didn't believe his story at all and Cloud resisted the urge to drop his gaze.
Desperate to change the topic, Cloud held his arms out a bit to pull her attention off of him and onto the outfit instead. "It fits."
But Tifa wasn't so easily distracted. "You're pale," she stated, her tone accusing. "Your hands are shaking."
Cloud resisted his knee-jerk reaction to hide his hands behind his back, and said again, "I tripped."
He really needed to think of a better excuse.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Tifa dropped her gaze and sighed. "Cloud..."
"I'm fine."
"If you don't want to tell me, that's okay," Tifa continued, as if he hadn't spoken at all. She wrung her hands in her lap, and Cloud noted that she was wearing leather gloves. Fighting gloves. "If you don't feel well and don't want me to know, that's okay too. I'll pretend not to notice. But..." She sighed and, after a heartbeat, lifted her eyes to meet his own, and for a second Cloud realized that her eyes weren't the color of wine. That they were so much darker, so much deeper; like a fading sunset over dark water, or a star's flare moments before going dark. "But you don't have to lie to me. Please don't lie to me," Tifa amended, pleaded. "Can you promise me that?"
Cloud turned away, shame coloring his cheeks a faint pink. A moment passed, and then another, before he whispered, "Okay."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, her tone hesitant.
Cloud shook his head, no longer trusting his voice.
"Okay." She watched him for a moment. "Then do you still want to weapon shopping today?"
After a pause, he nodded.
"Okay," Tifa said again. "And..." She paused, as if searching for the right words. "And do you want me to tell Barret you don't want to go tomorrow?"
Cloud turned to her, wide-eyed.
"Cloud, you're not well," Tifa gently told him. "And I know that you want to go," she continued before he could put a word in, "but I don't think it's such a good idea. Not yet, anyway."
"I'm fi -" Cloud began, but stopped himself at the last moment and said instead, "I can do it," There – not a lie.
For a moment, Tifa didn't reply and Cloud couldn't look at her, didn't want to face her. Finally, after what felt like years, Tifa sighed and said, "I believe you."
Cloud turned to her, stunned. Out of everything he had been expecting her to say, I believe you was fairly far down the list.
"I believe you," Tifa said again at his incredulous look. She even managed to smile at him, but it was a small smile, a thin smile. "But if something feels... feels wrong up until then, and you change your mind… You'll tell me?"
Cloud paused, then nodded. He could promise that.
"Good," she said, and stood up from the bed. Smoothing her skirt, she continued, "Did you still want to go out?"
"Yeah." Anything to get out of the apartment, just for a moment.
"Then how about we get lunch first before going to the weapons shop?" Tifa's watched him, far more intently than he was comfortable with. "You've only had yesterday's curry today, right?"
Cloud nodded in response.
"Perfect." Tifa clapped her hands together, momentarily startling him, before reaching to grab her keys and wallet. "Have you had chicken paella before? Or boba?" she asked.
Cloud's lips twitched in a frown. Chicken paella sounded vaguely familiar, like something he had eaten once in the infantry mess hall, but boba was entirely unfamiliar. "Boba?"
"You haven't!" Tifa's expression brightened, and she grinned at him. "We'll get it then. It's a drink from Wutai, and very different from what we have here. It's like a milk tea," she added as she unlocked the door, "but with like, these sticky, gooey, gummy balls inside that you slurp up."
Cloud made a face. "That sounds… gross."
Tifa laughed. "It's really not that bad! I'll take you to my favorite place," she added as she ushered him outside. "It has lots of different flavors, but Banora White Apple is my favorite. It's sweet and crisp. Perfect for midday."
"Oh," Cloud said, but he was no longer listening. His gaze was pinned inside the apartment as Tifa closed and locked the door behind them, and he was half-convinced that Sephiroth would step into view at the last second…
"You okay?" Tifa asked, jolting Cloud from his thoughts. She followed his gaze and peered into the apartment. "Did I forget anything?"
Cloud shook his head. "No. Nothing."
"Hm." Tifa frowned at him for a moment, but then continued telling him about boba and all of the different flavors as she guided him down the stairs. Cloud followed close behind, paying attention to every other word. Every nerve felt on edge.
He couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched.
Sunlight dappled the flowers, staining them richer shades of yellow and gold, and a small breeze whispered through the church. It was a warm breeze, kind and inviting, and Aerith closed her eyes against the breeze as it passed by. She listened as it whispered by, just in case it had something important to say.
But as usual, the wind was silent. Gentle, but silent, and even though Aerith knew no one was coming, her emerald gaze darted to the church door regardless, just in case it was wrong and Zack would come striding through any moment. She could picture him now; his dark hair windblown, a cheeky smile on his lips, striding in with stories of far-off lands. Just as he once did years upon years ago.
Aerith smiled a little to herself. It was funny, looking back. That even though the outside world had never held much interest to her, she would always –always – hang onto Zack's every word. Somehow, he had always made the world beyond Midgar's walls seem so… so interesting. So full of life and excitement, and even she was half-daring herself to go out beneath the open sky and explore it. The blue sky had always intimidated her, but if Zack was with her… maybe it would grow on her, just like the steel sky above the slums.
She had given up on that small little wish of hers when Zack had disappeared, but lately, she had felt that small dream reignite deep within her. Sometimes she even caught herself daydreaming of wayward lands as she tended the flowers. She would wonder what the flowers would look like out there, if they were any different than the yellow variety here, or what sorts of food grows beyond Midgar's walls. It was exciting to think about. Scary, of course. But exciting.
She placed a flower into her basket, her thoughts already drifting somewhere far away. Zack had told her all sorts of stories on his hometown, Gongaga – maybe they could go there first. Or maybe they would stay a little closer to home and visit Kalm, which was supposedly just a day's journey on foot. That may be a little safer.
And Cloud could come too, Aerith thought as she carefully plucked another flower. She held the flower delicately in her hand, and her eyes traced its graceful stem, its thin leaves, its fragile petals. Once he's feeling better.
As always, whenever she thought of Zack's best friend, she recalled the moment Cloud had pushed Zack away and had ran out of the hospital. It had been so surprising at the time. Shocking, even. Not only because Cloud didn't look physically capable of pushing anyone out of the way, or running so quickly, but Aerith also recalled the terror in blue eyes. The panic.
Aerith sighed at the flower in her palm, and then gingerly placed it with the others in the basket. Maybe it's the mako poisoning, she thought. Zack had mentioned that Cloud had severe mako poisoning, the worst case that the hospital had ever seen, and had also let it slip that the nurse was surprised that Cloud was even alive. That the nurse had said most people with Cloud's level of mako poisoning were long dead.
Aerith reached for another flower… but paused, and with a sigh, placed her hands on her lap. She had seen someone with mako poisoning, once. It was a man who used to help out at the orphanage, a mako reactor engineer that Shinra had contracted. She recalled that he had slipped off of the railing and had fallen in one of the mako holding tanks. That he had been submerged for five hours before someone had noticed, and had pulled him out. It sounded terrifying.
But recalling what had happened afterwards made her skin pepper with goosebumps, even today, and she quickly rubbed her arms to rid herself of them. After the man had been found, she had visited him at the hospital along with some of the other helpers from the orphanage. The man had comatose for months, but when he woke up, he had been… different. He was seeing things. Hearing things that weren't there. The nurses had said the hallucinations were because he had been submerged in mako – the Planet's lifestream – for so long, and pieces of him had gotten mixed into it as well. No human being was meant to experience what the Planet experienced.
Except for the Cetra, Aerith thought. Cetra, or the Ancients, were the keepers and carers for the Planet. And that man had been no Cetra.
Aerith sighed. Back then, she had heard him rambling during the hallucinations, had seen him convulse, and then nurses had pulled her out of the room when he had simply… stopped moving. Like his body decided that it had had enough, and that it wanted to rest. His body disintegrated into the Lifestream shortly after.
She had felt him pass. It was the second time she had felt someone near her die – the first had been her biological mother – but this felt… different. Like the man didn't go all at once, but in pieces. In beautiful, broken, bloody pieces.
It made Aerith's stomach tighten just remembering it, and she plucked another flower to distract her. Holding it in front of her to check for any blemishes, she nodded, satisfied, before adding it to her basket. Despite Cloud's mako poisoning being far more severe than that man's, she didn't feel that same sense of dread as she had back then. She knew Cloud would never reach that point. She didn't know how or why she knew that, exactly, but she got the sense that the Planet needed Cloud for something. For something important, and that worried her. Being necessary to the Planet wasn't always a good thing.
Aerith plucked another flower, her fingers delicate against its thin stem.
In fact, more often than not, it could almost be considered cruel.
Have I mentioned that I struggle writing the Turks? Because I really, really struggle lol. I probably rewrote the Zack/Reno/Rude scene like five different times, so I hope it came off naturally. Also, poor Cloud, but I love the idea that Tifa is so attentive to Cloud (and vice versa, of course) that she can call him out on all his bs. That's my favorite thing.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this weeks chapter! Next chapter will be posted June 19th. See you then!
