Chapter 38: A Lifetime Of Regrets
{A/N: Here's Another Update...I apologize for the delays schedule issues and family emergencies were all the rage at the turn of the new year...}
My Thanks To All My Readers And Reviewers...Enjoy-S.S.
Hermione Granger's Residence, Unknown Location, Muggle World...
Morning came and Hermione Granger found herself shuffling out of bed in bid to get ready for her trip. She was still quite worried about leaving her daughter behind in the care of her former Professor, but she knew it would be the best thing with the Weasleys out of town and Severus Snape needing to spend time with their child since he had not been apart of her initial upbringing. Thinking back on the previous night, she found him to have been a bit strange, he'd actually apologized to her for his callous behavior when taking off before she could awaken the morning following their brief encounter. She had not harbored much resentment over the years despite it all but she was rather cautious about whom she engaged with. She had a young daughter to consider and learning from lessons in life had never been difficult for her to do ever since she graduated from Hogwarts. Life alone with a child was a challenging endeavor if ever there was one, but she remained focused on giving her daughter the best possible life there was. Of course on more than one occasion she had wished that her lover would have been along for the memories and the hardships, sadly she knew all too well what the war had done to him and it was a wonder he survived this long. Finding him half frozen to death in the snow was the last place she would have guessed he'd be and his reckless drinking wasn't exactly a reining endorsement for him being the newly chosen baby sitter but her trip was on short notice. Falling into a routine of sorts, Hermione set to work getting everything together and ensuring that her daughter would be well taken care of in her absence.
Snape was already awake when she made her way downstairs. Ellie was up with him clinging to him and determined to spend as much time with him as possible. It was an adorable sight, watching the two of them together it seemed as if it were the most natural thing in the world and Hermione supposed it would have been had the father not been Severus Snape of all people. He was difficult to get along with even on his best days and she didn't doubt that Ellie would have her work cut out for her in terms of a proper bonding.
The former Potions Master seemed at ease despite the early hour, no doubt a left over trait from being a Professor in general. He'd always been up with the sun as far as Hermione had known, especially when dealing with first years. Ellie had been on her best behavior, possibly to prove to her mother that she could be trusted to behave with her own father if nothing else. Once more Hermione ran down the list of things she had set up for Ellie as well as her favorite meals and what to do in terms of the garbage and daily routine aspects of her household. Snape didn't seem to have a problem with any of it and he wasn't in the least intimidated by the list she carried which would have made either Harry or Ron faint within seconds.
Harry Potter arrived in time to see her go over everything a fifth time before taking up her bag and heading out the door. Snape was slightly amused that he'd have a Potter free weekend after having to endure his company after all those years he'd been away from him. Ellie gave her mother a hug and clung to her father as they both stood on the porch as Hermione barely found herself able to pull away and chase after Harry. She would have been blind if she had not noticed the familiarity and similar appearance of the two of them that left little to no doubt whom Ellie's biological father had been and for a moment, she got a glimpse of what it would have been like if he had just stayed and helped her raise their daughter.
Snape seemed to think the same thing for a moment as he sighed, carrying his daughter back inside the house and closing the door behind them.
it was rather perplexing to know he'd been both the man she married and the man whom had walked away from her at the same time.
Ellie seemed to sympathize with him a bit before taking off into the kitchen. She'd been in the mood for breakfast and it seemed it was as good a time to eat on her behalf as any. Snape trailed behind her pleased that she was at least occupied for the time being. In the other world he'd had a glimpse of what it was like to be her father, a fleeting glimpse, but one he would always remember. She'd been just as easy to please here as she had been there with the exception of wanting her parents back together.
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The Kitchen, Hermione Granger's Residence, Unknown Location, Muggle World...
One finely made peanut butter and jelly sandwich later saw to Ellie seemingly on top of the world as she sat in her little chair and cooed at the idea of having her father home for the first time in years. She'd been looking forward to this, an oddly specific thing given that she was a child and Snape had begun to suspect that she might have had a little something to do with his strange experiences in the other world as Sidney Sinclair. In this world, he had the same name, but it was mostly a cover not a true identity and he wasn't in the least Potter's father. Ellie seemed to delight in making him jump through hoops as it were as much as her mother did. It was strange knowing all too well that this life had been full of his own mistakes and not as easily fixable as Sidney's the lingering implications of what might have been continue to plague him of course.
"You look sad Daddy." said Ellie observing him as her sweet expression turned to one of concern.
"I suppose you can call it that." he replied.
"You miss Mummy already." she observed.
"More than you know." replied Snape honestly.
Ellie seemed to delight in this. It was a good sign as far as she was concerned but her little plan was definitely taking shape.
"Want to see the picture book?" she asked.
"Picture book?" asked Snape with an arched brow.
"The one Mommy keeps." said Ellie.
"Why not." replied Snape assisting his daughter as she struggled in her high chair more interested in the picture book than the remainder of her sandwich.
Snape couldn't help but smile as she dashed out of the kitchen in short quick strides while he trailed behind making time with slow long ones unable to fathom how Hermione handled their daughter's rambunctious behavior alone for so long. of course she had practice in dealing with Weasley and Potter, but this was a test of endurance for sure.
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The Sitting Room, Hermione Granger's Residence, Unknown Location, Muggle World...
Making his way back into the sitting room, Snape found Ellie pointing to a cabinet where the picture book was kept and grabbed it just as Ellie had instructed. She moved toward the sofa and he followed holding what he knew to be a photo album with a white outer casing and gold embroidering. He smiled at the simplicity of the thing and knew instinctively what would be contained in it. Ellie climbed into his lap as he sat down opening the photo album and getting a good look at a life in pictures that he'd been absent from. The first photo was of the ultrasound that evidently announced Ellie's impending arrival. There was scratch paper that seemed to have been a varied list of possible names for the baby girl that could be seen from the previous photo. Hermione must have gone through half a dozen names before finally settling on the name of the father of her child's mother. Snape thought this a touching sentiment and quite clever on her behalf as one had to do quite a bit of digging within the records to find the name of his mother.
He never recalled mentioning much about his past to anyone aside from Potter when he informed him that he was indeed The Half Blood Prince.
Ellie seemed to delight in his attention to the photos as there were quite a few of Hermione while pregnant from various stages as the months passed. It seemed she was quite keen on documenting the entire experience and for once he was glad for it, while he had not been there in person it was a privilege to get to see it now in photos.
"See Daddy I came from Mommy's tummy." said Ellie delighted for the trip down memory lane.
"It appears you have." replied Snape continuing to look through the album.
A life in pictures was before him as various stages of milestones he'd missed with his daughter were documented and placed in the book he held in his grasp. Severus Snape had lived a lifetime with regrets, but none more profound than the one he was experiencing after he'd walked out on Hermione Granger after their rather spirited encounter, had he stayed he would have seen all of these moments first hand and not missed a single one but being caught up in the ghosts of the past had driven him from a hopeful future.
