Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.
To Linda: Ohhh, yes. Bumps in the road. That's all we have around here. And, I did have a slice of pie. Rhubarb and strawberry pie. You can't go wrong. Thanks for reading. :)
Last time: Radek is running himself ragged (since chapter 23) trying to get Cadman out of Rodney's head. Anna's lost a bit of respect for him, probably, but she's trying to get over it.
Chapter 27. To a Mouse.
Anna tried not to think about how cute the little critters were. After all, odds were pretty good the two mice would be fused, fried, erased, misassembled, or otherwise destroyed in the next five minutes. Maybe they had an extra one lying around somewhere that wouldn't make a good test subject for whatever reason.
Anna remembered in time that she probably wouldn't have time for a pet.
She put the mouse back in the box. Radek was busy explaining what, exactly, he was testing to Elizabeth and Colonel Sheppard. Doctor McKay was there, too, but he probably knew what was going on better than any of them. Except, maybe, Radek. Radek explained it to Anna about an hour ago. She'd almost understood it.
Doctor McKay was obviously distracted. "Great," he said after Radek finished speaking. His tone definitely didn't say he thought it was great. "Good thinking. Can we just see it?"
Elizabeth glanced at Doctor McKay. "Anxious?"
"Yes." He looked at her like the answer was obvious.
Anna couldn't blame him for that. She was anxious, too.
"Okay," Radek said. "Firing."
He tapped the controls and the beam enveloped the mice. Anna slid to his side to look at the life signs on his screen. So far, so good, little mice. Even if they were a bit dematerialized at the moment.
"Life signs holding steady," Radek reported. Anna thought she heard everyone holding their breath. "Now rematerialization initiated."
The beam shot out and then cut off. So much for that. Two roughly mouse-shaped pieces of carbon sat in the box where the mice had been only a moment before.
"Now, I'm no scientist, but those mice used to be a different color," Colonel Sheppard said, looking at Radek.
Meanwhile, Doctor McKay said something perfectly fatalistic and stormed out of the hangar.
Anna watched the empty doorway Doctor McKay disappeared through, and then looked at Colonel Sheppard. "This is your fault, you know," Anna said. She was in so much trouble…
"Anna," Radek snapped.
"No. It's important to do something even if you don't know what to do," Anna said. "But you wanted to wait! You wanted to learn more about the machine like Doctor McKay said before you tried anything."
"Wait a second." Colonel Sheppard held his hands up. "It's my fault?" He looked pretty confused and indignant. Anna didn't blame him… She was fifteen and he was largely in charge of this outfit. But that didn't mean she was wrong.
"No, Colonel," Radek said.
"Yes," Anna interrupted. "You wanted to pick a life sign and rematerialize it before anyone even knew what was happening. This isn't his fault." She looked at Radek. She could tell he hadn't slept at all last night.
And he was angry. At her? If there was anyone to be angry at, she wasn't that person.
"No one is blaming your dad, Anna," Elizabeth offered.
"Whatever," Anna sighed and started to walk away. "I mean… yes. You're right. I'm sorry, Colonel Sheppard."
Colonel Sheppard didn't say anything, not with words anyway. Anna couldn't tell what he looked like. He almost looked apologetic or maybe understanding. A little bugged at having been scolded by a fifteen-year-old, probably... but certainly not very angry. It didn't matter, anyway.
She left the hangar and made it all the way down the hall before Radek caught up with her.
"Anna—wait." Radek jogged up behind her.
Anna stopped walking, but didn't turn to face him. "I wasn't wrong."
"Yes—I mean—you were wrong, Anna. You can't talk to Colonel Sheppard—no, anyone—that way." Anna didn't know where he got that. Probably because he'd used that philosophy with such great success over the years… Probably because everyone talked to him that way? No better way to know how truly awful something is than to experience it yourself. "But you're also right. Colonel Sheppard said he's not a scientist. I am. I do not always stand by my work like I should."
Anna nodded. Never stood up to Doctor McKay, either. She guessed certain things were just too much to ask for. "I have to talk to Jennifer about biology," she said.
"Oh… that's fine." Radek nodded, looked at her critically. "We will talk later."
Anna pretended she didn't hear him. She pretended she didn't just lie to his face. The last thing she wanted was to have this conversation again, but extended. She swung into the nearest transporter and watched him walk away as the doors shut before her.
She picked the dot on the south-east pier. The room was empty and lonely, as usual. She wandered in circles around the room a few times before she went to her room. Maybe she did need a mouse.
#
"Am I bothering you?" Weir stood on the other side of the desk next to him. She asked questions sometimes, but mostly she just nodded obligingly when he muttered some English-Czech hybrid of technobabble.
Where was Collins when he needed him?
"Please," Radek chuckled. "No. It's more convenient this way."
"Convenient?" Elizabeth smiled a little. "What does that mean?"
"I wanted to ask you a question after I quit for the night. It saves me the trip to your office."
"Anna?" Elizabeth asked as though it were a guess. She pulled up a chair and leaned on his desk. Put her head in one of her delicate hands, drumming her fingers in sequence.
It was her hands, really. Beautiful, precise, smooth.
But that led him to her green eyes, and from there it didn't much matter what he wanted to say. Words never came out right, anyway. Besides, once he got to the eyes, he had to say something before she got the idea that it wasn't always one-hundred percent for Anna he visited her office with increasing frequency.
It was always about Anna, and that wasn't a lie. Radek doubted Elizabeth would have noticed his existence without the extraordinary circumstances that took them shopping at the Chapel Hills Mall in Colorado Springs. It was a perfectly innocent invitation. Elizabeth was spoken for at the time, probably. Why wouldn't she be? She was intelligent and beautiful. Exactly the sort of woman he'd hope to find the company of if he were on Earth…
And now Simon was no longer a consideration. That was his name, right? Simon?
He tried his best to stop thinking about it. Unfortunately, that never lasted long if he didn't have something insistent to direct his attention on.
He shrugged helplessly and looked down. "What am I doing wrong?"
Elizabeth smiled. Maybe it was her smile, too. "Why do you have to be doing something wrong? You didn't think this was going to be easy?"
"Of course, not." He shook his head, hoping that might reset his thoughts. It seemed to work.
He couldn't think about these things, things like Elizabeth, if he had Anna to think about, too. But sometimes he would give anything to stop worrying about Anna for just a few minutes. He reminded himself in time that he was never good at this. Whatever this was. Anna had no choice, and deserved better than his inept attempts at connection.
Elizabeth had a choice, so why wouldn't she say no?
He didn't realize how utterly consuming his job was. It was convenient last year. There was little time to think, even about impending disaster, because they were all working so hard to solve whatever problem there was before them. His job was his life. His life was his job. It was pretty much how he liked it.
But now… Anna's life had taken precedence. He found himself staring into blank space, his cursor over lines of code where he'd been searching for errors only to dwell on the impossible error of bringing Anna here. He wondered if she was happy, wondered how she could be. Was she lonely? She had to miss her mother. She had to be bored of school work, but there was little else to do. She had to be ashamed of him.
He didn't know how to handle his own life, much less someone else's.
"I did notice that she was a little…"
"You did more than notice." Radek shook his head and turned back to the Wraith dart. "She shouted at Colonel Sheppard. She's been shouting at me. I think the only things she's treated kindly have been the mice."
Elizabeth laughed. "Would it disturb you if I thought that was normal?"
"Yes," he mumbled. It was not normal. He didn't care what anyone said. Someone was doing something wrong. He was willing to bet it was him. Lack of experience did that to a person. "I think I've made a terrible mistake, Elizabeth. We've been back… what, a week, maybe? Two?" he asked.
Not that he thought things would be any better on Earth. It would be better for his nerves, anyway. He knew dealing with Anna and Rodney at once would put a strain on his already delicately-allocated social resources.
It was never going to be easy, here or on Earth. He had no one in Colorado Springs. He didn't expect to call his little sister every time he and Anna had an argument, did he? She had a five-year-old, he had a fifteen-year-old. Why did he think those two were analogous?
She shrugged in response. "Give it a little more time, Radek."
"Time." He sniffed in disdain. He never had time. He hated being under the gun all the time. He figured if he could just direct his schedule as he saw fit, he might…
But no. That was how it was before, wasn't it? Before, when he still had Eliška. He always found a way to be busy, busier than he had reason to be. That was what got him here in the Pegasus galaxy. He was a damn good scientist. But that was also what got him here in this conversation.
He was an equally bad husband and father.
"I have only just gotten her back and I'm losing her." He paused. "Or maybe I never did get her back…"
"She still doesn't talk to you much, does she?" Elizabeth asked.
He shook his head. He never knew what to say to Anna. He could feel the ache of her loss whenever they were in the same room. She bristled at almost anything he said, especially lately. That wasn't his fault, was it?
"I think she resents me," he admitted. "I don't blame her. I was in another galaxy when her mother was dying, but…"
Elizabeth sighed and shook her head. "She doesn't resent you. I'm sure of it. Just because she's angry at the universe, doesn't mean she's angry at you."
That didn't make sense. If she was angry at the universe, surely he was included in that? Last time he checked, they shared the same universe. On the other hand, maybe they didn't. Radek didn't understand her at all. Maybe they were from separate universes. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
It made sense. He chuckled and turned back to the mice. "Maybe. Best laid plans, I suppose."
"That's all we can do," Elizabeth agreed. She took a deep breath and looked around. "Well, I heard there are some delicious pastrami and cucumber sandwiches at this hour. Care to join me?"
Radek almost simply nodded. Almost said yes. It was just another thing to eat up his time. They were both professionals. They were colleagues. He had no idea how to deal with people. It would never work.
What was he fooling himself for? That wasn't what she was asking at all.
"Ah, no," he said quietly. "Thank you. But I need to get to sleep so I can…" He gestured vaguely at the mice. "Get back to this."
"Ah." She smiled. "Alright. Well. Sleep well."
"You, too."
She walked out of the lab. Radek sighed and sank into his chair, kicking back into the middle of the room. He ran his hand through his hair. Why was he sweating?
A/N: Forgive this and the next bunch of chapters for being short. Holidays and all. ^^
Next time: The only thing worse than having to talk to one woman is having to talk to two.
