Chapter V

Our surroundings went black again for a moment while the game transferred us to the final challenge. When the Rainbow Road generated in front of us, it wasn't the primitive 3D version we expected.

This version of the circuit was new to all of us. The graphics were topnotch. I wouldn't call it realistic, but rather surreal. The Rainbow Road was more psychedelic than any drug simulation I ever did role-playing a rock star.

We were no longer Toad and Bowser, but our own avatars sitting in go-karts. Which also meant our vision was now a bit messed up because of the goggles we wore. I felt multiple organs in my body going from relax mode to very, very nervous.

"Look," Finn said, and he pointed at a big planet below. "It's Super Mario World. We're literally in outer space."

We got glimpses of the track that went in all kinds of weird angles like a tangled up wire.

"Couple of sharp turns, a long jump, a looping..." Finn summed up.

"No fences..." I said.

"Ha... Well, we can just try again and again if we don't get it this time."

I had some doubts about that.

"Are you sure," I asked my brother. "We're off-planet. This could be a perma-death zone for all I know."

"Oh, right. Yes. OK, let's try and stay on track then, shall we?"

Finn would take the goggles off, while I kept them on. Hoping this would increase our chances. We took a deep breath and pressed the button that signaled we were ready for the final lap. The turtle and his cloud came hovering above us once more. Red, orange, green. Blast off.

The bright, shiny road and crazy tune were intoxicating. I felt like I was on a high and that probably was a good thing. The first couple of turns we all managed to stay on track, ahead in the race. The big jump needed some aiming, but didn't offer too much of a challenge.

Despite the Silph Scope I managed to avoid pitfalls and deflect incoming turtles by quickly dropping a banana. The tricky parts were the speed ramps that gave a much needed boost to stay ahead. The kart went so fast it was more luck than skill I managed not to slip into outer space.

In the final lap more obstacles appeared on the course. Various enemies from the Super Mario universe tried to block our way or push us off. Getting around the Thwomps was easy enough, but I missed a Chain Chomp that was coming for me out of nowhere. I tried to steer away from it, started drifting and there it was. I went off track.

My avatar survived. Still, valuable seconds went by before the turtle on the cloud pulled me back up with a fishing rod. Now I was in fifth place.

"OK, all up to you now Finn. Go grab gold."

"Pandasaurus here to save the day!"

But right at that moment my brother got hit by a turtle before getting knocked over by a boosted Wario. With just a tiny bit of track left and no more power-ups to collect, Finn's chances of winning vanished.

I listened to Finn's swearing while I crossed a corner and picked up my last chance at an item.

"Don't give up just yet, Pandasaurus! Brace for impact!"

The item I just picked up was a blue turtle with spikes on its shell. A power-up first introduced in the 1996 version of the game. A sort of heat seeking missile that only targeted the current leader of the race. The perfect way to deal out some grievance when you were no longer in a position to win yourself.

The Spiny Shell - as it's official name went - launched from my kart and flew with extreme speed to the front of the race. Wario with the finish in sight didn't know what hit him when the blue turtle crashed into him. The explosion did not only startle him, it blew him off track as well.

Finn laughed and waved passing Wario as the turtle was fishing him back on the road. A moment later he was the first to finish, winning this edition of the Special Cup.

Fireworks erupted, while the game took over our karts. I was expecting the final leaderboard to show up and something of an award ceremony eventually loading, but we just kept driving on autopilot as if we were making a victory lap for an invisible crowd.

My kart caught up with Finn and then I realized all the NPC drivers had vanished from the simulation.

When we neared the finish line again, a new obstacle appeared on the road. It was big and there was no getting around it.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" I asked Finn.

He pulled down the goggles.

"The one we must face..."

The Snorlax blocking our path was asleep. His big belly went up and down while he produced some impressive snores.

"We did it!" Finn yelled. "We did the thing! We solved the riddle!"

"Let's not get overconfident again," I said.

But to be honest, clearing a road from a sleeping Snorlax didn't seem like much of a challenge.

I brought up my inventory screen and started scrolling through my long list of quest items until I found the instrument I was looking for. The Poké Flute.

The one thousand pounds weighing Snorlax was a recurring obstacle in Pokémon video games and to wake one up, you had to play the Poké Flute. Simple as that.

The tune was easy and I knew it by heart. But after playing it three times in a row, the Snorlax was still laying flat on the ground snoring.

"Perform the song everyone sings," Finn thought out loud.

"I WANT TO BE THE VERY BEST THAT NO ONE EVER WAS!" I started yelling at the Pokémon.

Nothing happened.

We took a moment to contemplate the last line of the riddle.

There it was again. That hunch, popping up out of thin air.

"Maybe this whole thing is more about the year 1996 than about Pokémon," I said. "What was the song everyone sang that year?"

"Spice Girls!" Sara screamed over the comms, honestly excited.

In a tab I looked for 50 year old hit charts. There was a clear number one that year. Officially the song was released in '95, but it dominated all of '96. Not just in the US, but everywhere on earth.

I pulled up another tab of the video clip with the lyrics.

"Let's hear it then," I said while pressing the play button.

The beat and tune sounded somewhat familiar, but someone else went completely hysterical the moment she heard the song.

"Macarena! Even better!" Sara yelled.

The cheerful beats were accompanied by the giggling of women and the faded sound of a man shouting in the background. When the actual singing started, we did our best to karaoke along.

"When I dance, they call me Macarena. And the boys, they say que soy buena…"

"Yoh - soy - bweh - noh!" Sara corrected our Spanish pronunciation.

"They all want me, they can't have me, so they all come and dance beside me…"

When we got to the second chorus, the Snorlax was still sound asleep.

"Guys, you have to perform the song, not just sing it!" Sara shouted. "Do the dance!"

We checked the video tab and saw the short dance routine that was repeated over and over in the clip. Only the girls did it tough.

"We can still stop this and walk away," I said to Finn.

He just sighed.

We stretched out our hands, one by one, then moved them towards our ears like a stewardess giving instructions. After that we put them on our shaking hips, twirled our butts and made a swirl to the right.

It's not easy to sing Spanish and do a sexy dance at the same time. Keeping one eye on the video didn't make the performance easier, nor did Sara's constant laughter.

The Spanish lines sounded more like Klingon when we sang it, but by the third time we did the song we made up for it by outdoing ourselves on the English parts and nailing the dance.

We might've looked silly, but our little show did do the trick. The giant Pokémon started grunting, smacking his lips and slowly he opened his eyes.

When he noticed us, he furiously rose up and initiated a battle. The corresponding tune from the Pokémon games started playing.

"Go ahead, all yours," Finn said.

I threw out a Poké Ball with a white letter S on it. A green flash brought out Khan, my trusted Heracross.

The Snorlax we faced was maxed out at level 100, giving him an insane amount of health points. But my Heracross was level 100 too and more importantly: a fighting type. He should have no problem with the big fatty.

Khan was faster, which gave him the opening move.

"Use Knock Off," I instructed.

Because a super effective fighting move would probably defeat Snorlax right away, I wanted to weaken him with something less effective first. See if I could maybe catch it.

The attack made Snorlax lose the figy berry he was holding, but didn't inflict much pain. Then it was his turn to make a move. The foe used Counter, doubling the damage Heracross did to him in return. An instant knockout. Heracross had to go back to his ball.

"I wanna be the very best, tu-du-dum," Finn softly sang, enjoying that I was already a Pokémon down after just one turn.

Ignoring my brother, I brought out a sparkling green Scizor. It didn't attack. Instead I used the turn to throw an Ultra Ball at Snorlax, hoping to capture it.

The ball just bounced back from my target's chubby belly. That only happened when a Pokémon was restricted from capture.

Snorlax used Yawn, a move that would give Scizor just one more attack before falling asleep.

"You look so hot playing Pokémon," Sara commented.

"You think?" I asked, unable to repress a smug grin.

She laughed so hard that Finn walked over to me for a comforting pat on the back.

It was time to wrap up the battle. I revived Heracross while Scizor was taking a hit, then brought the fighting beetle back in battle. This time he attacked Snorlax with a super effective Close Combat, winning the match.

There was some mild cheering on the comms. We watched how our thick foe walked to the edge of the Rainbow Road and jumped off, disappearing in space.

Sara was telling us she couldn't remember the last time she laughed so much. She also mentioned recording the whole thing, just in case we wanted a copy. Finn jested along. I was more concerned about what would happen next.

A phone rang. On the spot the Snorlax had been taking a nap, an ancient piece of equipment was left behind. A cordless landline phone, or a very early cellphone. It was huge for a device that you could only use for calling.

I walked over and picked it up. There was a raspy, male voice on the other side of the line.

"Do you like scary movies?"

Then it disconnected.