Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.

Previously: Radek may have called Rodney something he didn't mean (last chapter) after a project they were working on (since chapter 43) blew up in their faces (in chapter 52). At least no one else died.


Chapter 55. Still Friends.

Anna stood and looked around the room. She had everything. It was time to stop sulking and get back to… life. The faster she did that, the better. Lunch was a regular part of life. So was homework... no matter who was grading it. They could both be distracting, so she decided to do them both at the same time. She turned toward the door. It slid open and she nearly ran into Radek on his way in.

Stumbling back, she clutched her tablet to her chest for fear of dropping it. The connecting wire was still wrapped solidly around her arm, used to collect readings directly and in real time from the Atlantis systems.

It was Radek's… he probably wouldn't mind if she borrowed it.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

"You—I mean, I'm fine. I didn't expect you to be here. That's all." She stood to one side to let him enter.

He only walked a few steps before turning to her. "I actually was hoping I could talk to you."

"Oh." That didn't bode well. But she couldn't think of anything she'd done particularly wrong lately besides ignoring her science homework… and that was ending today even though science was a murderer. She didn't want to think that Doctor McKay would be grading it every day from here on out.

Or, even worse, Radek.

"I owe you an apology, Anna."

Anna looked askance at him. He seemed absolutely sincere—and, actually, she hadn't known him to be anything but. "You do?" She couldn't think of anything particularly apology-worthy. Maybe he was having another experience of his life flashing before his eyes. Last time that happened, during the Wraith's siege of Atlantis, she got a video letter. This time, Collins died. Anna realized just now, it could have been any of them.

It could have been Radek?

Oh, no. No, Radek never did anything dangerous. It could never be Radek.

"I have been particularly absent for the past few weeks," he said. "I have missed weeks of meals with you and I nearly missed Christmas."

Christmas. That had only been a few days ago, hadn't it? Time flew around here… when it wasn't crawling by in a painfully slow meander. In any case, it was hard to forget she was almost forgotten… on Christmas of all days.

Anna finally shrugged. "It doesn't really matter."

"No, it does." He reached into his pocket and took out a small item wrapped in red tissue paper. He held it out to her and pressed it into her hand when she reached for it. "I hope you will forgive me. And I hope you will give me another chance."

Anna turned the tissue paper over in her hand a few times. She knew what it was without having to open it. An acorn with a tiny violin painted on it. "Of course," she said. She didn't know what else she could possibly say. It wasn't as though they would never see each other again in any case. "But don't worry yourself about it too much."

"I've been too unworried, don't you think?"

Anna shrugged. "I don't know. What you were doing was very important. Christmas comes every year and… well, I'm always here."

They both knew that wasn't true, anyway. She was here now… but someday, she wouldn't be. Atlantis was great and she'd never forget what he did for her to bring her here. She appreciated Radek's trying; she really did. But they'd grown so far apart… They'd probably never even grow back together.

Radek took a deep breath, apparently considering what she'd said. Finally, he just nodded. What did that mean? "Well. It matters to me." He waited, and she waited. Maybe neither of them knew what to say. "I will see you tonight for dinner. Are you going to lunch right now?"

Anna nodded, but didn't get the chance to tell him that she already had plans.

"May I join you?"

"I was actually going to eat with Jennifer—um, Doctor Keller." Inexplicably, she hoped that his feelings weren't hurt. "But I will see you at dinner, yeah? I might even see you sooner because… because I had some homework I needed to ask Doctor McKay about."

Radek nodded a little. He did look disappointed. "Alright. Well, you may not find Rodney in the lab today. Can I help you?"

"Um. Yes. I will ask you if he isn't there, I guess," Anna said. "Oh." She stopped and unwound part of the coiled connecting wire in her hand. "May I borrow this? Doctor McKay told me he'd get me one, but he hasn't yet, and there are some tests I need to run to—"

"Yeah, yeah," he interrupted. "Of course. I won't need it for a few days, I think."

She edged toward the door. He wished her a good lunch. She left him standing in the room alone when she stepped outside.

#

Why did he volunteer for this? Was he trying to depress himself?

Collins's desk was surprisingly bare, with only a few photos of his parents and brother. Radek couldn't rightly tell if it was a younger or older brother from the pictures, and couldn't remember if Collins had ever mentioned him outright.

He couldn't remember. He didn't think he was quite old enough yet to be forgetting things like this. He might have had a better time committing it to memory if he'd seen this coming at all.

He felt guilty about stealing the acorn. It was his newest. Radek had never, would never, understand his penchant for painting acorns, but it was a unique sort of quirk he'd very much miss. And it seemed wrong somehow to send these to his family.

It was a group of acorns, actually. Radek wasn't sure if they were merely art on Collins' part or if Radek was reading into it too much. Probably the latter.

He would miss the smell of paint and stumbling upon the random discarded colored toothpicks he'd used to paint them. It wasn't an entirely productive thing to do during meetings, but it was better than just listening to Rodney's hollow drone. Collins was a fan of anime and he played Magic: The Gathering. His family would understand getting his DVD boxsets and decks of wizards and goblins.

They wouldn't understand this collection of acorns, not like Radek did. This particular acorn was clearly supposed to represent Rodney, with its Canadian flag and a little lemon. The Radek wearing small round glasses. Kavanagh and his pony tail. Dumais and her halo.

Maybe they would understand it. Maybe he'd been doing this for a long time.

Radek glanced at the clock. Five minutes. He couldn't miss supper. That would be embarrassing. First day back and no emergency. He had the thought to just go right now. Then he saw a shadow pass in front of the doorway to his lab.

Rodney was standing there.

Radek straightened and prepared himself to be scolded. He'd heard that Elizabeth had taken his ear off earlier, so he was probably in a bad mood.

"Can I help you, Rodney?"

He shook his head and stepped in. "No."

Radek waited for him to say what it was he was coming for, then.

He never did.

Radek decided to speak up, just to fill the silence. "If you're here so I can apologize for going over your head on Project Arcturus by taking my concerns to Doctor Weir, I'm not going to. But you wouldn't listen to me." So why was he explaining himself?

"No, actually. It's, um—" Rodney took a deep breath. "I should've listened."

He said it so quickly it was difficult to tell what he'd actually said. Was that supposed to be an apology? Radek didn't know for sure, and didn't want to ask. Just in case it actually was supposed to be an apology. Rodney would take that completely wrong. But if he didn't say that... what was he supposed to say? He'd never been apologized to before.

Instead, he found himself facing Rodney in complete, confounded silence.

Rodney never took to silence very well. This situation was apparently no exception. Even though it was an exception. Radek was glad to be apologized to, of course. But also, he was not the one apologizing for once.

"I should have looked closer, like you said; I should have given it more time, and I won't let anything like that happen again. I'd hate to think that you—well, you know, you and everybody else—would think less of me after this, and..."

Rodney really didn't know how to shut up, really didn't know how to apologize. Radek didn't doubt that he was probably Rodney's trial run for all the apologizing he'd have to do today, to Elizabeth and Colonel Sheppard, probably. Surprising as it was, he didn't think any less of Rodney's inept attempt at apology for it.

Since Radek found his words again, he figured it was time to rescue Rodney from his ramble. "Rodney."

Rodney stopped mid-sentence, turning his eyes back on Radek's since they'd wandered away in embarrassment. "Hm?" he asked, his eyebrows raised in interest.

"It would be... impossible for me to think less of you," Radek offered. Then he smiled. He could be pretty good at turn-of-phrase under the right circumstances.

"Oh?" Rodney looked unsure for a moment, maybe trying to figure out whether Radek had meant that exactly the way he said it. "Hm. Okay."

Radek moved to leave.

But, it seemed Rodney was just out to bury himself tonight. "But, listen, I really meant what I said. I can be really, um..." He shook his head and tried again. "Look, if I don't—I should respect you even if I think your theories are ridiculous."

Radek didn't know whether to be angry about that or not.

"Because, you know, if I had, then I might have seen that it wasn't ridiculous. That's what I'm trying to say."

Well, that cleared up... almost nothing. Radek had the grace not to say anything about it though, not at least until he figured it out. Did Rodney just say that Radek... deserved respect? In a roundabout, upside-down way, he thought Radek's ideas weren't always ridiculous? That was almost an apology, right?

It was as close as he figured he would ever come.

"Um..." Radek mumbled, finally deciding. "Thank you. I'm glad you're okay." He hesitated. "You are okay, right? Carson checked you and Colonel Sheppard for radiation, yes?"

Rodney waved that away. "Yes, yes, we're both fine."

Radek nodded. "Good." He waited for a moment. He had to get out of here if he was going to meet Anna on time. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. I have to meet Anna for dinner."

"Oh, sure." Rodney stepped aside to let Radek past.

Radek was almost out the door when Rodney stopped him again.

"Radek?"

He waited in the doorway, sighed. "Yes, Rodney?"

"Still, um—still friends, right?"

Radek was glad he wasn't facing Rodney. He smiled. So Rodney had been listening after all? Maybe he was closer to respect than he knew.

"Yes, still."

"Good."


A/N: I was just going to make (something like) the last half of this one into an episode tag for Trinity (a long time ago, now), but it fits fine here. I don't think Radek gets enough credit for that "as a friend" line. Not only was that an unnecessary phrase right in the middle there, but that's not a necessarily effective strategy for getting McKay to listen. Zelenka would know that. Therefore... he must have said that because he meant it. When McKay flies off the handle, he degrades people. Radek, on the other hand? Lets it slip he's Rodney's friend. Whoops. Control yourself, sir.

I mean, you know, cursing and death-wishing aside. ;)


Next time: This month has been pretty terrible, so... it's time to do something else.